Music: Zelda's Lullaby by Gentle Video Game Lullabies and Andrea Vanzo

I wish Ryuuko-chan could reopen the diary. Actually, thinking about it, I wish Nonon would have. Shiro, Uzu, Houka, and Gamagoori wouldn't think to. I suppose I am brave because I did read it. Honestly, I understand why they probably couldn't read it or, at least, read it in full. Besides being her private thoughts, I don't think they could have managed to keep from crying. As I said before, I was brave because I wanted to know.

I got to the first page. She didn't write too much, no, but she did have something to say.

September 1st,

I'd have to say that this is unexpected. I am mildly shocked but the test results came and my pregnancy is confirmed. I haven't told anyone yet, no, and I'm not sure how. Honestly, I don't know why I'm not sure how to tell everyone but I think it's because I don't know how they'll react. However, I do know that they'll be supportive most likely.

Concretely, I can say that the baby is staying. I don't know how I'd be as a mother but I do know that the baby is staying.

—Satsuki

Reading her diary was like having her talking to me all over again. In her diary, she talked about telling us, though she did wait until she was about three months along. That was an entry she bookmarked...

December 12th,

It took about a month to work up the courage to tell everyone. I opted to tell them all one by one. Thus far, they were all rather shocked but so far supportive. I know that when my child comes into this world they'll likely be very loved.

The first one I opted to tell was Ryuuko. Growing up, we never shared in anything but I opted to make up for that by telling her she's going to be an aunt. I couldn't help but to giggle at her reaction, really. She was in shock and she couldn't initially believe it but I think the news sank in pretty quickly. She asked me if she's "Auntie" now and I told her, "Of course." The conversation quickly turned into whether or not I'm to have a boy or a girl to baby names. Her happiness is just adorable.

I wasn't sure how to tell Mako but I think Mako knew before I could tell her. "So, are you going to be a mommy?" she asked me. Smart one, she is, really, and I asked her as to how she guessed. She told me that it was because I was blushing. She guessed that I was about three months along and she could tell she was right because I blushed more. I don't know how she managed to contain her excitement.

I opted to let Houka ask me because he's been snooping through my browsing history and told me that I've been acting "unusually". I told him that, of course, I was because I am pregnant He was shocked and told me that he figured that Ryuuko or Mako would have a baby first. Frankly, I found that humorous. Life is full of surprises after all.

Uzu invited me for kendo like we used to and I told him that I couldn't. Not currently, no. He was perplexed, to which I told him why. "I can't spar with you while I'm with child, Uzu." I told him. The conversation had him asking what can I do while pregnant and I answered his questions honestly, though I reminded him that I have two left feet, though, maybe my baby doesn't.

The conversation with Ira was something. It was casual, like discussing the weather. I told him, promptly, that I was pregnant and he inquires about how I'm doing at the moment, to which I told him that I am fine, just happy is all. He asked how did previous four react and I told him as such but, mostly, I told him that Ryuuko is looking forward to being an auntie and that Houka should not to snoop so much (though, he didn't spoil the surprise).

I told Nonon, certainly. To be honest, I think I was afraid of how she'd take it, so I hesitated in telling her. I know, for a fact, that she'd need to some time to adjust to this news and I was proven correct. From what I could tell, she seemed supportive, though she told me that she didn't really know what to do with this information. I told her that I understood if there was any distance. Support is a two-way street, I know, and I'll give her time to adjust. She'll come around, I know.

—Satsuki

I would keep reading her diary, as she talked about getting clothes, what to name her baby, and how much she's looking forward to being a mother before I got to another bookmarked page. By that point, she was about five months along and she had her worries but opted to remain hopeful about the whole thing.

February 15th,

I have my worries. I thought I'd write them down, here. For the most part, I'm worried about my baby. I have a lingering feeling about something that I can't put my fingers on but I hope it's just hormones and feelings. So far, the obstetricians didn't mention anything wrong, though they are concerned about my health. They couldn't quite sort out why but, perhaps, it's something to do with the fact that I've never been pregnant before. I think, in the second trimester, doctors are little more "fussy" (I'm completely inexperienced with obstetrics).

In the same hand, while they didn't uncover any complications, they did, however, tell that I'm expecting a little girl. Now, that I know that, I wonder what to call her. I think, at the moment, I'll name her "Mika". Yes, I think that name is fitting. So, Mika, I'm looking forward to meeting you and it's a blessing to become your mother. As I think about my daughter, I wonder how she'd be as a person. I'm wondering what her favorite things will be, how happy she'll be, or what her least favorite things are. I'm sure my daughter will be quite fascinating. Thinking about it, I think we'll grow together, as there's so much to learn.

Still, I have my worries but I know worrying won't do either Mika or myself any favors, so, I think I'll remain hopeful that the outcome will be different.

—Satsuki

A lot of her entries between that one and the next bookmarked one were bittersweet. She didn't write too many lines for the next bookmarked entry.

May 25th,

By now, I am about seven months along. So far, I still have my worries but I'm still going to remain hopeful. Deep within, I have a feeling that I won't survive this. I can't identify why I feel as though I won't but, still, I am determined to carry Mika to full term, worries be damned.

If I have one thing to state, I'd tell Mika that there's a difference betwixt being "brave" and being "fearless". I'm getting ahead of myself. Clearly, this has to be nerves.

—Satsuki

She didn't write too much between that entry and the next one. This entry she bookmarked had her talking about the dreams she's been having.

June 28th,

By now, I am almost nine months pregnant. I remain hopeful that it's just nerves and, so far, hope is what's getting me through this lingering feeling. That aside, I've been having strange dreams.

At first, I thought they would have been nightmares or, at least, related to my baby. No, instead, they are dreams of my father and I when I was a child, before he left. In one of them, he told me he was going to come and take me home. The most recent dream was where I was being held in his arms again. I've been having those dreams for the past two month.

While I hope it's just nerves, I think these dreams are a message that I need to prepare for if it's not. I suppose it's fortunate that I am keeping a diary because I'm afraid to really tell this to everyone else. While I have hope, on the same hand, I also accept my fate, as I've lived my life, though, my daughter has not. I know that they'd likely try to save me if that event were to happen but I know that I'd much rather her live, even if I can't.

Thinking about it, as I write, thinking about those dreams, I feel my father's lingering presence.

—Satsuki

Her final bookmarked entry was about a week before Mika was born. And it wasn't an entry, it was a letter.

July 6th,

Though, I hold out hope that it's just nerves, if you're reading this, then fate wasn't as kind as I hoped. So far, I've already written letters to each and every last one of you and I've tucked them away, so I mostly compose this for my daughter, Mika.

If you're reading this, know that my body gave out and, for Mika to live, my life had to end. Know that, if I could do this all over again, I'd still bring my daughter into this world, even if my death was the outcome. Know that, if the decision came down to either saving my life or saving Mika's, I'd have wanted you to save Mika's . A mother makes sacrifices, even if that sacrifice is her health or her life.

Mika, know that I love you. I know you'll grow up safe, loved, strong, confident, intelligent, and kind and that's all I could ever want for you. Mika, I wanted so much to meet this beautiful, wonderful, new being that I was carrying and to grow with you. I wanted so much to share in your joys and to guide you through your sorrows. I wanted to so much to ease your fears and cheer you on through your successes. I wanted so much to give you what I didn't have in my childhood. I wanted so much to be your mother. Mika, I wish fate worked out that way and I am terribly sorry that it didn't.

Know that, in giving birth to you, I've accepted my fate. My heart breaks knowing that I won't be there in body but I'll always be with you in spirit, watching over you from the next life. I know that they'll love you as much as I have during these passed nine months, even if they might not be the best at showing or realizing it. You only have one mother, yes, but I know they'll love you just as much, if not more. Know that those passed nine months were the happiest and most precious months and that I'm happy to have shared them with you. I loved you more than anyone I've ever loved at all.

For my remaining loved ones, if this wasn't nerves, I ask that you take care of my baby and give her the love I couldn't be there to give. I know you'll love her truly, as much I've loved her. You may weep for me and I know that I'll be missed but know that I've lived my life and that I haven't any regrets, though I regret that I won't live to see Mika grow up or get to know any of Ryuuko's children (if she's had any). I know that getting used to life without me will be very hard and it will be a process. If circumstances were different, I'd watch her grow up in this life and not from the next. I sincerely apologize that I couldn't survive this.

I live on through my child, my loved ones, and your memories. It's alright to let me go.

I love you all,

—Satsuki Kiryuuin.

I noticed in spots of her letter were dried drops of her tears. Knowing Satsuki, she either knew she was going to die or she planned just in case. She hoped for the best but expected the worse. In retrospect, I think there's a reason why the others couldn't think to read her diary or why she bookmarked those entries. Maybe she knew us more than we knew her and that's why she didn't tell us she'd possibly die.

She tucked her diary away with a scrapbook she made for Mika and those other letters. I decided to wait for everyone else to get theirs before I could read mine. I think, for a moment, I felt her hand on my shoulder and the echoes of her voice.