Notes from the Mooooooooooon,

This chapter was a bit experimental. Jumping between multiple characters is something I haven't tried in this fic and it's limited my ability to develop some of the side characters outside of Sammy and Cody. These scenes also act as nice cut aways between major scenes, which can be awkward to write around sometimes. Though this chapter maybe jumps around too much, I had a ton of ideas I wanted to explore. Also, I've decided to change the category of this story from Humor/Romance to Drama/Romance. It fits better with the story I've moved towards telling. That doesn't mean humor will be absent or that my style will change per say, but it fits better with how the story actually ended up being written.

Feel free to PM me! My inbox is open if you want to talk about writing stuff! I am also looking for a beta reader. If you know anyone or have experience critiquing and editing please DM me!

Review Response time!

ImHereToKIllChaos: That's definitely a part of it, yes. I do think he has a misguided confidence that contrasts against the anxiety he has about not being the man he wants to be.

Reminder to read Total Drama, the Fifth Generation for more of my work!

Now I present

Uncertain Feelings and Unseen Voices

Friday, came quickly, and Parent's Weekend started. Cody lounged around the living room, tapping mindlessly on his phone. He looked up. Harold and Noah scrambled around the apartment, cleaning out the musk of college boys. Harold scrubbed the counters, rubbing the abrasive side of the sponge intensely enough to create sparks. Noah frantically pushed the vacuum around the living room, moving chairs to finagle it into each nook and cranny. Cody looked back at his phone, watching the mobile game he was playing auto battle. His moved so predictably, using their skills and resources so inefficiently as they followed their hard coded logic. But it worked for them, so simply and perfectly. They didn't have to change anything to make things come out okay. Wouldn't that be nice.

A knock on the door cause Noah and Harold to jump up to attention. The two looked between each other, their eyes giving twitchy, wide glances that said 'go on, you open it.' Cody watched the standoff intently, wondering who would cave first. Harold sighed, and trudged over towards the door. For a moment, Cody felt some relief, knowing he didn't have any stress that weekend. He didn't have to look good, or exaggerate his success. With his family, he didn't have to put in any of that effort. Harold opened the door up to his parents. Honestly Cody found them so cool. Both his parents were successful and quirky designers. His mom was absolutely beautiful. Cody would certainly say that Harold's mom had it going on. His dad on the other hand might have just been an aged-up version of his son. The same dry, raspy voice, ginger hair, and pale skin.

Harold let them in and gave them a quick tour of the small, unimpressive apartment littered with their tools of nerdom. "Hey Cody," Cody almost thought the voice belonged to Harold until he looked over and saw Harold's dad waving over. Cody shot them a quick wave.

"When are your parent's coming?" His mom asked sweetly. Cody pursed his lips, keeping his eyes on her face. He saw Harold freeze up, giving him a panicked looked that doubled as an apology.

Cody smiled back. "They hit some traffic. They'll probably show up sometime tonight." He lied through the gap in his teeth. No need to trouble someone else's parents. Harold relaxed, and mouthed a quick apology over to him. The family of red heads went about the rest of their apartment tour while Cody returned to his phone.

"Hey my parents are waiting outside." Noah announced, looking over at Cody. His voice absent of snark. "We have an extra spot at our lunch reservation if you want." He offered, wearing a concern that looked foreign on him. Cody shook his head. He could sense Noah's concern. He didn't wear it very well.

"It's fine Noah. Thanks though."

"Alright man." Noah shrugged, pretending to not care. "Let me know if you need anything," he threw on a leather jacket and stepped out of the room. Harold and his family left soon after, shooting off a quick farewell to the tech geek before heading for their lunch plans. Cody looked up from his phone. His apartment reminded him of the often-empty house he grew up in. Cody knew he should have taken Noah up on his offer. I can't take up his time with his parents. He slid forward in the couch, his back bending unnaturally. I'm in for a long weekend.

Sammy adjusted her beanie over her ears. The wind bit at her cheeks as she turned the corner, walking onto an unfamiliar street. The shadows of the tall buildings around her blotted out the sun. Small restaurants and stores dotted the sides of the streets. But none of them really felt appealing at the moment. She wasn't quite sure where she was walking, just that she wanted out of her room. Sammy felt a slight soreness from cheer practice, but continued to wander. Through large streets, small streets. She struggled through large crowds, and found near isolation. None of it felt appealing. No matter where Sammy went, she felt a pit of frustration and confusion weighing her down. Eventually she found her way back onto familiar territory, not that she was lost to begin with. How could she be with her phone tucked comfortably in her coat pocket. The sign for the Hatchet Café greeted her. The faint memory of pumpkin, spice, and coffee danced on her tongue as she walked by. Peering inside, the café seemed mostly empty, except for a couple sitting in the back. She location made her think of Cody for a moment. She shook her head, but a smile had snuck it's way onto her face. Sammy turned her attention back to the café.

The idea of sipping peacefully at a latte seemed nice, but the heavy emotions quickly resurfaced. Sammy admitted defeat and pulled up her phone, pressing her back against the chilly concrete wall. She scrolled through her contacts, vacantly staring as names and recent messages scrolled by. She wondered if she knew any orphans who attended the school. They would certainly be free this weekend. She stopped on a text from her mother just days ago.

Just apologize to your sister please and let us visit.

Sammy clenched her hand around her phone, and kept scrolling. She couldn't find anyone who she could text today. Jasmine and Bridgette were busy with their parents, and she couldn't imagine intruding, despite their invitations to do so. Who am I kidding everyone I know is busy, she pressed her head back against the wall. No one is going to want to spend time with someone like you. Sammy stopped breathing, freezing in place.

Sammy focused on taking slow, deep breaths. Don't think about back then. Then her phone buzzed. She looked down, expecting spam. The pit in her stomach eased a bit. Her expressionless face warmed. Sammy fired off a quick response and looked up, her own smile surprising her.

"So, Noah, have you finally decided on your major?" His mother asked, swirling the water in her cup. Noah didn't immediately respond, instead admiring the view of the street outside. "You've been sitting on it for so long." This had been a point of contention for a while. Noah just wasn't sure. There were too many directions to take his reading and writing skills. Law, journalism, analyst were all practical options. They were all so impersonal, so objective. They weren't bad careers, but they didn't speak to him. Being right didn't necessarily bother Noah, but being right in a boring way did.

Noah shrugged. "I'm not quite sure yet. But I have some time left to decide." His voiced lacked it's usual bite. It wasn't quite the truth, but not quite a lie. He'd had an idea for the last few weeks, one that both made his fingers tingle, but made his stomach do a summersault. "I'm sure I'll find something by the months end."

His father arched an eyebrow at him. "Can't help but feel like you aren't telling us everything." He said in a deep, tired voice that barely made it past his handlebar mustache. "I want an answer by the end of the weekend, and it better not be some useless poverty profession." He pointed aggressively at his child.

Better being poor than being a miserable old sod who hates his job. Noah almost retorted, opting to hold his tongue. For now, at least.

"Honey…" Noah's mother glared. "Your father is right though. You need to find a stable profession. Like your brothers." Noah wanted to punch the table, his blood boiling. He knew for a fact that he could be better at all of them at their jobs. but that wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to be a lawyer, or a doctor or a scientist. Noah was good at many things; it didn't mean he liked all of them.

But none of it showed on his face. "Yeah, I'll let you know."

Cody didn't expect a response from Sammy; he thought he'd get at most a 'sorry I'm busy!' He didn't expect to be hobbling out the door ten minutes later, sliding his flats on as he left. He walked as fast as reasonably possible without running, restraining himself from becoming a safety hazard to other pedestrians as he rushed to the Hatchet Café. He turned onto the cozy side street, and the last of his lethargy faded, replaced with a jumbled-up mess that made his breaths quicken, and the tips of his fingers shake. Sammy wasn't wearing anything particularly notable, but the red beanie and her purple looked cute on her. She looked up from her phone, and waved him over. A smile played on her lips, reaching her rosy cheeks.

"Hey." Sammy greeted, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her coat.

"You didn't have to wait outside for me." Cody exhaled, feeling the wind nip at him through his thin jacket. He opened the door, holding it while Sammy walked past him.

"The cold just makes the drink taste better." Sammy said. "Are you going to get a black coffee this time?" She teased Cody.

"I think- y'know-" Cody stuttered, his vision wandering everywhere but Sammy's face. He closed his eyes, and smirked at Sammy. "I think I'll just get hot chocolate. I already had coffee this morning and y'know how it is."

'Uh huh." Sammy looked over towards the menu. "I think I'll just get the pumpkin spice as well. Because I'm a dumb blonde." She smirked.

Cody chuckled while Sammy ordered her latte and something to nibble on. He ordered his usual. Yet again, the seat near the window was free. A sense of déjà vu washed over Cody. But unlike before, there wasn't a predetermined motive for their meetup or some sort of quid pro quo. They were meeting up just to see each other. Just the two of them. A very pretty girl, and a short, awkward looking guy like him. Cody gulped as they sat down in the exact same seats. His rushing enthusiasm morphed into a squirming anxiousness. He wasn't used to the ambiguity. Usually, women showed a clear disdain or indifference to him. They didn't play along him with 'Codemeister'. With Sammy, it was different. He couldn't quite tell if she was being flirty, or just teasing him. Uncharted territory, like a newly discovered island. Sammy slid her jacket onto the back of the chair.

"I'm a little shocked you texted me," Sammy broke the silence, a coy smile on her face. "Don't tell me you're ditching your parents just to spend time with me." She teased.

"They aren't coming." Cody said with downturned lips. "So, it really isn't an issue." He shrugged, his voice lowering to a low grumble. Well now I've gone and ruined the mood. Cody tried to think of something humorous to say. Sammy widened her eyes; her smile faded, her lips pressed together pensively. Too late.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sammy apologized quietly; the humor gone from her voice. "If it makes you feel any better, my parents aren't coming either." She admitted. Cody looked up. Her parents also didn't show? A curiosity sparked in his eyes.

"Are your parents busy as well?" Cody questioned quietly, leaning against the table. Sammy shook her head. It was her turn to look down at the table, her brow furrowed. Cody's chest tightened. Until today he'd seen nothing but smiles from her. She reminded him the classic girl next door. Happy go lucky, carefree, and a tad bit sassy. The perfect storybook girlfriend. It was like a completely different person sat in front of him. He wasn't quite sure how to respond. Cody considered for a moment donning his signature grin, but he quickly dismissed the thought, digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand. Sammy sat in front of him like that, and his first thought was to defuse the situation with flirting. I really am a piece of shit huh. I keep treating her like it's a romance route in a game. He wanted to laugh at himself. He'd never understood what separated him from Noah, or Harold, or even Trent. The lights over the gap had illuminated somewhat, making it seem even more daunting than before. In that moment however, that gap didn't matter. What Sammy right now needed was a friend. "Do you want to talk about it?" Cody asked gingerly, looking directly at her. Not at a pretty girl, but at Sammy. For a moment, he sensed a familiar sadness, borne of confusion and uncertainty. It bore one question. Why?

Chef came by with their drinks, but didn't say anything. He backed away clear understanding of the atmosphere from just a quick glance. Cody's drink again towered over Sammy's. The blonde picked up the ceramic cup by the handle, looking down into the white and orange foam. Finally, Sammy answered. "I told them not to come."

"Oh." Cody took a sip of his sweet drink. It had bitter undertones that seemed stronger then usual.

"Don't worry about it." Sammy smiled. Cody could tell it was forced; the blue of her eyes seemed dull, muted. "I just don't get along that well with my family."

"I'm not even sure if I get along with my parents." Cody admitted. "They are always off working late or on business trips."

"Any siblings?"

"None." Cody shook his head.

"I envy you on that bit." Sammy chuckled. "Being an only child seems much better." Her wistful smile now seemed genuine, a twinkle of sky blue returning to her eyes.

Cody smiled. The way her eyes sparkled did that to him. "You'd think. But having a big house all to yourself gets boring after a while." He explained. "Wait sorry that seems like I'm bragging." Cody corrected himself. "College was a big shock y'know. Being around so many people in such a small space. Took me a while to learn to not leave my stuff out." Cody admitted sheepishly. He remembered getting more than one glare from Noah for forgetting to flush the toilet, but he certainly wasn't going to bring that up to Sammy. "I wish I had a brother or something. I could probably use the wisdom."

"Trust me, you'd wish they'd stop pointing out your flaws." Sammy shook her head, her smile remaining. Cody decided against prodding any further. "But maybe that's just my experience. Not having your parent's around seems rough. I'm sorry Cody."

For the first time, Cody felt like he'd understood her. At least, a little bit. He also realized just so much he didn't know about her. "I'm sorry too. You seem to have your own bucket of problems." The two exchanged solitary smiles. Cody felt an overwhelming warmth spread through his chest. Their eyes locked, almost like a game of chicken. Ultimately Cody lost. "So, I guess we both have a lot of free time this weekend." Cody pointed out sheepishly, breaking the eye first. "I'm kinda glad my parents didn't show up this weekend now." This got a giggle out of Sammy.

"You seem so eager to just spend time with me." Sammy rested her cheek in her hand and looked up at him and a knowing, perhaps even flirty grin. Cody's hair stood on end, and he sat back in his chair. His ears burned. "But I appreciate it." Her smile became more natural, and less intense. Cody relaxed, sitting forward. "Plus, it's pretty fun spending time with you."

Cody couldn't stop himself from grinning ear to ear.

Sammy was shocked by how quickly noon came and went. After finishing their café excursion, Cody suddenly suggested watching a new action thriller. Action wasn't her thing, but a part of her wanted to keep hanging around Cody for a while. It wasn't about wanting to spend time with him in particular; she didn't quite want to be alone just yet. The movie didn't start for a few hours, and they ended up having a light lunch in a small, cosy greek restaurant. Well, her lunch was light. She got a salad, while Cody downed a gyro. Sometimes her mind would drift, and her chest would tighten, A voice so similar to hers would tell just how worthless she was. But it wasn't hers. It had a sense of confidence and superiority that felt so foreign to herself. That's how Sammy knew the voice belonged to Amy.

Even across the continent she still managed to torment her.

That's when Cody would pull her back to reality, though unintentionally. Perhaps that what made it so effective. Cody talking about his CS project or about how his roommate Noah's best quips seemed to keep her internal voice quiet, at least for a while.

"Tell me about your roommates." Cody asked, finishing up his most recent story about how Noah and his other roommate Harold bickered about Takoyaki. "You've probably got some funny stories about them."

He wants to know about your roommates because you're just so boring.

"I've got the most interesting roommate, Jasmine, and she's from Australia." Sammy started explaining. Cody leaned forward, nodding along. "She's like twice my height and does all this exploring back home in the outback! She's the absolute coolest! We went on a camping trip outside the city last month, and she deadass just slept in a tree like it was a king mattress."

"She's hardcore." Cody said. "I've been camping a few times with my family, but it was barely camping." He admitted.

"Oh absolutely, same. But when I went camping with Jasmine it was a completely different experience. She taught Bridgette and me how to fish, and she gutted what we caught!" Sammy continued. "Oh, Bridgette is my other roommate. She's absolutely gorgeous, and I didn't expect her to be so kind and chill." She giggled. Bridgette was absolutely gorgeous after all. She'd had an absolutely shameless crush on her when they first met. Not that she'd tell Cody that. At least yet. "Anyways we ended up making the freshest fish ever. Jasmine cooked it over an open flame with some salt, pepper, and lemon. Oh my god." Her mouth watered thinking about it, despite having food right in front of her. "Jasmine wanted all of us to sleep in trees but Bridgette and I drew a line in the sand." She shook her head. "But it was still one of the most fun trips I've ever taken. That, and the trip I went on for the cheer team this summer."
"You're a cheerleader?" Cody said, leaning forward. Sammy noticed just how hard he was trying to keep a straight face. His lips were pressed together hard enough they'd started to turn white, his pupils widened. She just knew he was imagining her in the short, black in red uniform that showed a lot more skin then it needed to. Mayble I'll have some fun with this.

"What? Did you not know you were taking out a cheerleader for lunch and a movie?" She batted her eyelashes at him. Cody's face went red. Sammy watched him overloading in real time. Oops, I broke him. "I'll let you know the next time the JV squad is performing if you want to watch." Cody's head turned up slowly, and then back down, in what Sammy could only describe as the slowest nod of all time. A cackle sputtered out of her lips, and she broke down into a laughing fit. She wrapped her arms around herself, grabbing ahold of her sides. Her lungs seared with each laugh, and she felt tears tickling her cheeks. She looked up at Cody, who was staring into his lap. "I'm sorry, that was a bit much." Sammy sighed as she came down from her laughing fit. Cody didn't immediately respond. Maybe I shouldn't tease him so much. Sammy pursed her lips. But it's really fun when he's at a loss for words.

"I'd imagine you have a lot of guys asking you out." Cody laughed unnaturally, his eyes flicking up at her. Hie pressed his arms against the table, his fingers digging into his palms. Sammy could see the whites of her knuckles. He smiled, but his mouth twitched.

She shook her head. "I mean, some of the sporty guys ask me out, but I wasn't interested." Cody's body loosened, color returning to his hands. "They aren't bad looking but they just see pretty cheerleader." She shrugged, deciding against teasing him further. This wasn't far from the truth. Many guys were interested in the alure of dating a cheerleader, which was why she avoided bringing it up. It kept the number of guys asking her out randomly out.

Yeah, totally not because you aren't the ugliest cheerleader to ever exist.

Sammy ignored the voice, and turned back to Cody. "The offer is open. The JV squad will be cheering at the soccer game next week if you want to watch." A small part of her did want him to go. It surprised her a bit.

"I can make some time." Cody said with a broad grin. "After all I can't turn down an invitation from a lady." Sammy let him have that corny moment. After all, she'd been teasing him quite a bit. They paid for their meals, and started walking towards the movie theatre. The afternoon was becoming costly, but Sammy shrugged it off. The cost felt more meaningful than a new skirt or a bag. They grabbed their tickets, some drinks, and took their seats towards the back of the theatre. Sammy half expected Cody to put his arm around her, complete with a yawn. The movie blared, starting with a scene of fodder agents getting killed by the antagonist and his admittedly sexy sidekick. Standard spy stuff. The main character met the love interest, and they exchanged some corny dialogue. She could easily see Cody saying some of those lines with that annoying, overcompensating smirk. Sammy relaxed, letting the movie play while she watched passively, her mind absorbed by something else.

She hadn't given much thought to Cody. At a surface level, they were barely friends. If that were true though, she would have headed home after the café, even if she didn't want to be alone. Yet I stuck around to spend time with him. She wasn't quite sure of her actions, nor her feelings. A pit formed in her stomach as Sammy wondered if she even wanted to know such things. If he decided to hold my hand right now, what would I think? She posed the question to herself as a car chase started. She didn't have an immediate answer. Rather, she was curious. If Cody took his shot though, Sammy was certain there was a chance she'd say yes.

Even he'll dump you to the curb after he spends enough time with you.

A freezing feeling wrapped around her throat. Sammy gripped the armchair, and focused on rhythmic breaths, fighting against the burning sensation in her franticly beating heart. In… hold… out… hold… in… hold… out… hold… She stared ahead, letting the sheer spectacle of the movie clear her thoughts. Sammy's fingers trembled, dropping a lone kernel of popcorn into her lap. She pressed her hand onto her arm rests. Sammy froze in place. You are here. She isn't. A flash of blonde to her right made her turn her head. She stared at the empty seat. There wasn't anyone there. Yet she could feel her. Those cold words, wrapping around her throat. Those vindictively sweet eyes cutting at her soul.

In...

You can't escape me.

Out...

You know I'm right Samey.

She felt a tapping on her left shoulder. She whipped her head around to see Cody offering her an unwrapped peanut butter cup. She gently took the candy from him, and settled back into her seat. The remainder of the movie went by quickly, ending with the main character saying yet another corny line before the love interest swooned. Overall fun, but nothing notable. At some point through the credits, they both stood up, and walked through exit. The bright lights lining the hall made her squint.

"Thanks for coming to the movie." Cody said once they were out of the theatre. "I know it's probably not what you usually watch but-"

"It was fun." Sammy shrugged. It wasn't anything special, sure; but the movie didn't take itself too seriously, and she took quite a bit of enjoyment out of it. "It seemed like you really enjoyed it though."

Cody rested his head in his hands while they walked down the street towards campus. The sun had started to descend over the tops of the tall buildings around them. "I watched these movies all the time as a kid. Didn't have much better to do without anyone around."

Sammy thought back to the corny dialogue of the main character. She wondered if that's where he got that annoying smile and one liners from. The only part of Cody she couldn't stand. Yet that part of Cody seemed absent after their conversation at the café. She wasn't quite sure. They made small talk while they walked back towards the older part of town. Eventually they stopped in front of the greens. "I'm gonna walk back home from here." Sammy pointed her thumb in the direction of her apartment.

Cody nodded, a wistful smile on his face. "Thanks for coming out today, Sammy. This was really fun." He looked up at the falling sun.

Sammy turned on her heel, facing away from Cody. She took a step, and looked back. Clearly, he wasn't going to make a move. He could make flirty lines all day, but she could tell just how unsure he was. This wasn't a movie. She didn't have to be his love interest. That was the difference between Cody and that movie character; he could mess up. Acting like someone else didn't give you their confidence. Sammy decided to give him some encouragement. She smiled and turned back, locking eyes with Cody. \He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. If he tries anything... would I stop him? Her heart thumped in her chest, waiting for Cody to make a decision. She didn't give him the chance though. "See you!" She giggled, turning her head back away from Cody. "Text me later!" Sammy called back before walking away. The sound of her heart subsides, and she took a nervous breath, placing her hands over her face. Her cheeks burned from her performance. She didn't get an answer, but underneath everything, she could make out a pang of disappointment in her chest.

This chapter was a doozy to write. Not only is it the longest chapter yet, but there was another like 2k words that didn't make this chapter due to pacing (You'll see it eventually, it just got moved back.) These next few chapters are where I really hope for things to become more interesting over the next chapter or two. I'm tired though so not much more I wanna say.

One last reminder that I am looking for a Beta Reader!

Till next time,

An Anonymous Winton