Notes from the Mooooooon,

Not much to talk about pre chapter this time. Big chapter so most of my notes are at the bottom since uh… a lot happens here if I'm being honest. Like a lot a lot, so I won't stall very long.

Enjoy!

It was the light streaming through her shades that woke Samey. More specifically, the heat that had built up in her room from the sun baking her room for hours. She turned over and closed her eyes; Saturday was for resting, with the added benefit of sleep being a haven from that damn voice. Like all the other days that week, it was the first thing to greet her that morning.

Might as well lay there. Can't bother anyone if you just stay in your room.

In a first act of defiance, Samey opened her eyes, and threw the covers to the side. She slid out of bed. "That isn't true." Did Samey believe her words? She wasn't particularly sure. Jasmine certainly cared about her. Bridgette did as well. Outside of those two became more dubious. People didn't always say exactly what they though; a person who acted cordial could secretly hate her guts.

Yet the opposite could be true as well, Samey thought. She looked around her room. It was filled with old dishes and empty cup ramen containers. She grabbed an empty trash bag from the kitchen, and got to work. There was something soothing about cleaning her room, as if the negativity and stress build up within the trash itself. With each section of her room that was cleaned and organized, a part of the stress inside her degraded and crumbled. She smoothed her comforter over the bed, and stepped back, examining her room. She grabbed her phone from her bedside table, As it turned out, it wasn't morning at all anymore. Noon had passed just a few minutes before she had woken up.

She looked over to her desk; a mound of unfinished homework sat in front of her laptop. Her vision drifted out the window. There was something she had to do today, but she pulled her self to her desk regardless. First things first; I have to deal with these assignments. Then I'll fix things.

In that moment, Sammy's eyes shone a bright blue.

Friday felt longer than normal for Cody. He wasn't overwhelmed by sadness though; rather held in a state of constant boredom by an anchor somewhere in his chest. No matter what he tried to do, there was a certain emptiness to it. Games didn't quite provide the same dopamine boost as usual, and he couldn't gather his focus long enough to read one of his comics. His movement was akin to wading through water; slow and heavy. The day passed, and Saturday came. He sat in the living room all day, slowly clawing away at his studies in slow motion.

Yet through all of it, he at least wasn't alone. Cody hadn't mentioned anything about Sammy, but Noah and Harold were careful to not talk about her, or any of their relationships for that matter. As the evening approached, Harold had busted out some sake from his 'Special Stash'.

"Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" Noah asked as Harold submerged a mason jar full of sake into a pot of water. With a quick twist of the knob, the electric stove came to life.

"As they ancient samurai said, 'It's 5 O'clock somewhere!"

"Jimmy Buffet said that."

"It's possible a samurai at some point at some time in history spoke those words."

Noah tipped his head to the side and pursed his lips. "Yeah, I guess that's possible. Fuck it; 4pm sake. Cody you want to order wings or something?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure. Wings sound good." Cody answered, looking up from a blank spot on the wall. It was a very interesting blank spot. Very, very interesting. So interesting he couldn't describe how interesting it was, with a single color, off-white coat of point that showed the smallest signs of cracking if you stared at it hard enough.

"Should we order pizza and garlic knots as well?" Harold asked from the kitchen. The staple foods of a college boy's sacred weekend meal; wings, pizza, and garlic knots. The quality of these foods would be inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol involved, ranging from 'local pizzeria' to 'back-alley dominos'. As much of dorks and outcasts the trio were, this overarching rule applied to them as well. Shitty pizza had it's own charm too. It was greasier, and the cheese was thicker and gooier. It tasted like diabetes, but god damn if diabetes didn't taste good.

Noah nodded in agreement. A rarity. "An actual good suggestion from Harold. Pinch me I'm dreaming."

"I'm right all the time… GOSH!" Harold yelled back, but the posturing had a sense of humor to it. Noah shook his head while his fingers plinked away at his phone. "Without me you would probably be drinking this cold like heathens!" Harold waved a wooden spoon at Noah and Cody. The back and forth continued, and Cody went back to examining the wall. At least until Noah grabbed his arm.

"We gotta grab the food man."

Cody simply nodded, and followed Noah out of the apartment. The trip was uneventful and quiet. Once they returned, Harold had a pot of sake heated and sitting on the coffee table, surrounded by three shot glasses. Mario Kart blared from the speakers. As they sat down to play, Cody took a single sip of sake. He could barely taste the harsh alcohol. It barely nipped at his throat as he swallowed it.

Cody was uncharacteristically not in first with a half lap lead. Yet as Noah slammed him in the back with a red shell, the fog began to lift from his eyes. Why was he so fixated on those texts? Why did he care so much? After all, how much did he really know about Sammy? She was sweet, and wanted to be a teacher. She was a cheerleader, and was a very outgoing person. Besides that, he really knew nothing. At the end of the day, she was just another person. One in eight billion. 1 in 1011101001000011101101110100000000000 if he went by binary. Someone he barely knew. She was just a girl. The two people sitting next to him however, were two people that cared the world for him, and who he cared the world for.

With friends like these, why did it matter if I get rejected?

"Noah you are so fucking dead for that." The fog finally cleared from his eyes, and the world became clear. For the first time in days, Cody lips turned upwards. Nothing about what was happening had any meaning. This was just another night of tipsy shenanigans that would blend in like any other. Moment's later, the bookworm found himself hit by not just one, but two green shells in quick succession, ricocheted of the walls like only a math major could. Sixth, fifth, fourth, third, second; Cody passed each an every AI opponent, his vision locked on Harold. They were on the last stretch of the race, it would take a miracle to break Harold's ironclad lead. Cody grabbed an item block and beelined for the grass; banking on a single item turning the hazard into a shortcut. He bit his lip, leaning forward in his seat. Harold cheered as he turned the final bend.

"My mad skills win again!" Harold cheered as he turned the final bend.

Cody smiled as a mushroom appeared in the item box. He tapped the trigger, and grinned wickedly as his cart boosted across the green. "You sure about that?" In an instant, Harold's guaranteed victory was snatched away as Cody surged in front of him, just meters away from the finish line. The whistle was blown, and Cody sat back in the chair, his arms raised triumphantly.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Harold fell to his knees, yelling to the ceiling as if it could save him from his fate. The ceiling didn't answer back.

"Looks like someone got their enthusiasm back." Noah quipped, crossing his arms. His mouth had curled into an amused, self-satisfied grin. "Game nights aren't as fun if Harold isn't losing."

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Cody nodded. "I think I've realized you were right last night."

"When am I not?"

"No seriously." Cody shook his head. "Even if things don't work out with Sammy, or Gwen, or whoever, it doesn't change what I do have." He took a sip of sake. The taste was more intense than before. Then he threw his head back, downing the rest of the shot. He relished in the harsh flavor as it burned at the back of his throat.

"Well, well, look whose finally come around!" Noah wrapped his arm around Cody's neck, putting him in a headlock. He raised his free hand and gave the only child a playful nougie, running his knuckles through his hair a few times before letting go of him.

"Did you really have to do that?" Despite Cody's protests, he was still smiling.

"Yeah, I did. Don't go on us like that again."

"Translation: He was seriously worried about you." Harold quipped, holding back a childish snicker. He dodged the pillow thrown his way with ease. "You'll need to be faster than that to catch a ninja!"

Cody grabbed a wing from the plate, tearing the meat off the bone. For some reason, he felt hungrier all the sudden. Cody wasn't sure if he'd eaten all day. His stomach growled, compelling him to grab a slice of pizza, barely managing to grab a bite before the next race started. The late afternoon turned to evening. The three continued drinking and eating. Despite the sake having an incredible kick, the amount of pizza seemed to be able to keep his senses intact.

It was sometime around seven when the doorbell buzzed. "Did we order more food?" Cody paused the game, tipping his over towards the door.

"Don't think so." Noah shook his head.

"We should though. The night is still young! Some sushi would go great with the sake!"

"And who would pay for that?"

Cody got up from the couch. "I'll see who's there." He walked over, and opened the door.

Sammy had one goal as she walked down the sidewalk. She wasn't going to let things fall apart any further. She wasn't sure when this burning determination stirred up inside of her, or what caused it exactly. She'd spent the whole week rotting away in her room, barely managing to go to classes, tormented at all waking moments as her own voice was turned against her. Yet that morning, she didn't recoil as she heard Amy in her head. This victory however took an immense effort. It required everything she had to not recoil at the words of the Amy that had crept its way inside her head. Yet as long as she continued focusing straight ahead, it remained quiet enough to focus on what she had to do.

She wasn't sure when these thoughts started. This voice that was clearly her own yet took the words of her sister. The first time must have been when she went away for summer camp as a preteen. Back then Amy was mean, but it still bordered on her being a bit of an ass rather than… whatever their relationship had become. The voice would point out stray hairs or make fun of whatever zit she had, or perhaps mock Sammy for these confusing feelings she got around one of the girls at camp.

When they entered high school, Amy's words became blades, wielded to cut away at Sammy. At school she made thinly veiled comments in a sickly-sweet voice, and when they got home, Amy would rip into her. Perhaps Samey's notes were too hard to read, or perhaps she was making her look back in front of her friends. When Sammy tried to make friends with other girls at school, Amy would 'accidentally' mention something Samey had done or some quirk she had, and would twist whatever truth there was like a knife stabbed into the heart of an animal.

Once she went to college, Sammy finally thought she was free. Of her sister, of that awful name. Like that one summer, the voice returned; this time harsher, meaner, and louder. The first month she barely left her room except for classes until Jasmine forced her to leave. It was then that Sammy told her about what was happening. It was the first time anyone had ever believed her.

This was the moment that changed her life for the better. As she spent more time with Jasmine and eventually Bridgette, and with a healthy dose of therapy, the voice started to fade. As the winter break of the first semester approached, she felt free for the first time in her life. Over winter break, she finally found the courage to tell Amy off. Of course… it did not go well. It resulted in a fight with her parents. They still couldn't see just how awful Amy was, how cruel her words were. This was the final straw; she left home and returned to college. Her parents continued to help pay for college, but no matter what Sammy told them or sent them, they never believed her accusations against Amy. At least, her mother didn't. She could never tell what her father thought. He was weak willed, and rarely spoke his opinion. Like father like daughter, Sammy thought. Outside of essentials like college tuition and food, Sammy and her parents had stopped talking, at least until recently. She looked down at her phone. Her parent's had been texting her the last month, begging her to apologize to Amy and come home for the winter.

Sammy shook her head and scowled, but quickly softened her expression. "It's not worth it." She mumbled to herself. Keep focusing ahead. Don't let her voice come back. She had no plans of going back. Not ever. She stopped in front of an apartment building, and pressed the buzzer. She waited a few moments. I should turn around. Sammy's hand drifted back to her side, and she almost turned away.

"Hello, who is this?" Cody's voice spoke through the speakers. Sammy swallowed, and pressed the buzzer again.

"It's me." Her mouth felt dry. "It's Sammy." She paused. Cody didn't respond immediately. "Can we talk?" She waited for a response, pressing her hands against the pockets of her pants. She waited her palms becoming sweaty. The static of the speakers came back to life.

"Yeah. I'll come right down." With that, Sammy rested her back against the concrete wall next to the door. Her heart vibrated through her jacket. She closed her eyes, and focused inwards.

Just slow breaths. Just like that. Sammy focused on the rise and fall of her stomach. The knot in her stomach began to unwind. Then the door opened. She turned her head. Cody stood in the door way. He wasn't smiling, and his vision was twitching. He took a nervous step forward, and the door closed behind him.

"Hey, so umm," Sammy couldn't help but clasp her hands together, fiddling with her fingers. She hated how hard this was. She'd prepared the words before in her head. They were so clear, but she just couldn't say them. "I'm sorry." She finally managed, bowing her head forward. Looking at the ground was easier than looking at his face. Sammy stopped herself from stepping away from Cody. She had to face this head on. So many times she'd let these feelings keep her from finding friends. This was where her weakness ended.

"It's fine. I understand." Cody's voice lacked energy. It seemed on the edge of expressing emotion, wary of betraying his thoughts. "Those texts weren't even the worst rejection I've ever gotten." That one stung at Sammy. "I'm glad you showed up though, so we could at least clear the air."

This was going wrong. Very wrong. Sammy had to rectify this. "Cody this really wasn't your fault. It's…" Sammy searched for the words she wanted to use. "It's complicated."

Cody shrugged. "We have some time." He said, taking a step from the door. "Do you wanna walk and talk?"

Sammy nodded. "That'd be nice, yeah." Sammy stuffed her hands in her pockets, and walked right next to him. There was a small gap between them, only a few inches. "What happened on Sunday really wasn't your fault. I really wasn't in a good place, and I let it get worse and worse until I fell apart this entire week. Then I completely ghosted you. I can't imagine how upset you must have been." Every word stung; perhaps that's just how the truth was.

"No really I didn't feel that bad." His voice was weak, and his pupils avoided hers. His lips curled into a smile reeking of lies. It wasn't full of feigned bravado, but rather a weak attempt to hide a mountain of stress and tiredness. She hated that. If his smile wasn't real she didn't want to see it.

"Stop pretending what I did was okay!" Her words came out louder than Sammy had intended. "I… Please be honest with me. If you are angry with me, or if you hate me, I really understand." Cody opened his mouth but didn't say anything. He looked like he wanted to speak, but no words came out. If I wasn't so weak things wouldn't have gotten like this.

"Okay. I'll be honest; this week was awful. You had a panic attack right in front of me. I've felt guilty about it the whole week. I blamed myself. I didn't know if you were okay, and I wasn't sure if I hurt you, and…" He pursed his lips. "I'd thought I'd ruined things. Then you sent that text." Sammy winced. "I wanted to know what you were feeling. If you hated me." Each sentence was patchy and disjointed as Cody pieced together his emotions. Looking at his sunken face made Sammy feel more guilty. "But I don't hate you. Really."

"I know. Those texts… they weren't fair. I wanted to make sure you didn't try and keep helping me. Because someone like you shouldn't have to put up with me."

"I feel like that's my line. I was the one who shamelessly hit on you."

"We're both fuckups, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are. A pair of giant losers." A small smile crept onto Cody's face, and the weight in Sammy's stomach became a little lighter. "I don't exactly understand what you are saying, but I'm glad. I thought you hated me for…" He paused, a blush appearing on his face.

"Trying to kiss me?" Sammy audibly exhaled, nearly laughing. "I'm not upset about that. I was being very touchy then." She knew what she was doing that day. It wasn't one of her best moments.

"So uh, does that mean you um." He paused, pursing his lips, trying to his smile. For whatever reason, he shone bright in the pale evening light. "Do you like me?"

Now came the hardest part. Sammy knew for certain she liked spending time with him. The question was if it went beyond simply enjoying his company. He had a Casanova façade so flimsy it could man a blind man see through it. His awful attempts at flirting grated at her. It just rang so hollow and meaningless, like he was just trying to make something stick. He actively hid parts of himself, trying to look cool over looking authentic. If that's all Cody was, she would hate him.

But that was not all Cody was. If that was true, she knew she wouldn't be there, trying to make things right. Unlike Amy, Cody's fakeness wasn't to hurt people. She had seen his real smile. Those moments where he had let his guard there was something that fascinated her. He had many strange interests and talents, from math to dodgeball. Every time he talked about them, he practically glowed with this goofy enthusiasm that was practically magnetic.

They rounded the corner, coming back full circle to Cody's apartment building. "I'm not sure. Last weekend, I was not in my right mind. I was desperate and wanted those feelings to leave me alone. And you were right there." Yet again, guilty crept up. He was a warm presence. One that helped drive that cold grip away, at least for a few moments. "I was feeling alone, and I led you on. I'm sorry."

"Oh" The glimmer vanished from Cody's face, his face turning downwards into a dejected frown. "I get it, don't worry, really."

"I wasn't done."

"Huh?"

"I'm not sure if I like you, but I know I don't not-like you." Sammy wanted to tear her hair out; why was explaining how she felt about anything so hard? "There are parts about you I do really like, and with everything that's happened, I don't know what I'm feeling at all. But the possibility of us going out at some point in the future isn't off the table."

"I get it." Cody smiled again, and Sammy could not help but follow suit. "Recently I wondered what I was attracted to when we met. Yet no matter how much I thought about it, I realized I barely knew anything about you. I couldn't help but feel so shallow."

"You've really been thinking lately."

"That happens sometimes, surprisingly." Cody said. Sammy chortled, unable to cover her mouth in time. "But in all seriousness, I'm also not super certain about my feelings right now. All I know is that I want to get to know you better Sammy."

There was something so earnest in his words that it made her heart skip a beat. "Yeah, I want to get to know you better too."

"Friends?"

"Friends. Yeah." Sammy nodded. "I'm so sorry for everything Cody. Really."

Cody smiled back at her. "It's okay. I forgive you." The two of them stood silently for a few moments, a calm washing over both. A long week had come to an end, and there was finally a moment on inner quiet for both; a respite neither had been afforded the previous seven days. A shared moment more personal and connecting than anything they'd shared before. "Are you busy after this?" Cody inquired, breaking the silence.

"Oh, no. Why?" The question caught Sammy off guard. Sure they were on good terms now, but she expected him to need space, or put some distance between them.

"My roommates and I are hanging out with some warm sake and I'm sure Harold would be okay breaking out another bottle for a friend."

Sammy considered the offer. Alcohol might not be the healthiest thing for her considering the last week, but she also considered just how lonely it had been. She had no plans lined up, and come company sounded good right about now. "Yeah. That would be awesome!" She tipped her head to the side. Cody beamed her with a toothy grin, and opened the door to the apartment complex. They rode the elevator in silence, but it wasn't an awkward one; quite the opposite. Everything that needed to be said had been said. They walked to the room, and Cody opened the door.

"You sure took your time," A snide voice said, drier than the desert.

"Yeah dude the sake is-" The second voice cut off as Sammy followed Cody into the apartment. "Who might this be?"

"I'm Sammy." She paused, wondering what else to say. The perfect line popped into her head. "I'm Cody's new friend."

Notes from the Moooooon (For real this time),

This chapter definitely took some elbow grease. I didn't plan out this arc as well as I should have. I don't regret the direction I took per se, but I definitely needed some more direction. I plan to be a bit more careful when I plan major twists/emotional moments going forward. However now I feel like I've developed things enough to where I can let Cody and Sammy just be friend's for a bit and develop more, and figure out what they want out of a relationship, and give me some time to focus on other characters a bit.

Until next time!