New chapter up! Take out some chocolate or some Coca- Cola and enjoy!
Chapter 19
"How are you feeling?".
Aurora slowly opened her eyes, adjusting to the light room.
"I brought you some breakfast" Vanora said and went to fetch the tray she had been carrying. Aurora moaned a little when sat up, she still felt pain in her stomach on rare occasions even though it had been a week since she had lost her child. The fever was gone and all that remained was for her physical weakness pass. The healer had ordered her to two weeks of bed rest, not that she cared. She didn't know if she would ever be able to face the real world again. All she wanted to do was to sit in her room and grieve. Not many people were allowed to visit her either, only Vanora and Lancelot
Lancelot was also grieving. He had been in chock for several days, not able to comprehend the loss of his child or Percival's death. He had put all his energy into Aurora and her health. However, even though Lancelot had been at her side, she had felt him slip away more and more. He was deep in his thoughts and he never mentioned how he felt about her losing his child. She was afraid he blamed her but then she would notice a loving look and curse herself for ever doubting him.
"Here you go." Vanora said and put the tray in Aurora's lap. She smiled back and started to zip at the hot tea.
"Perhaps you should go out for a while?" Vanora proposed.
Aurora froze and looked down at the coup of tea.
"You know what the healer said, I am to stay in bed for two weeks."
"Mm." Was Vanora's only reply and rearranged the pillows behind her back.
Feeling a urge to start a new topic she asked Vanora about the knights.
"Oh, you know them. They are out training except for Tristan. He is out hunting."
Aurora nodded.
"Lancelot is probably back soon." Vanora said and looked at Aurora. Not hearing a reply Vanora continued. "You should rest now, I will come back later."
"Thank you." Aurora said after Vanora.
Aurora shook her body when she felt the cold wind from the window reaching her body. She sat up, took a blanket and put it around herself, and walked over to the window to close it. She was just about to close it when she saw the knights practicing down before her. It was Bors and Gawain who sparred against one another. She saw Lancelot together with Galahad, laughing at the fight. She felt a twain of jealousy and rage. She was consumed by grieve and seeing Lancelot laughing, as if nothing had happened, upset her.
She closed the window and returned to her bed. All along she had been worried that Lancelot had blamed her for their child's death, but actually it was the other way around. She knew it wasn't Lancelot's fault, but she could not to bare to look at him. One reason was that she actually was surprised he didn't grieved more, he was so emotionless. She had however convinced herself this was his way of grieving. Then it was another problem as well. She couldn't stand too look him, because he reminded her about the child they would never know. She knew she should not be feeling like this, but she couldn't help herself. She tried to not remind herself of anything connected to the baby, and Lancelot was a huge reminder. Aurora knew she was digging a hole for herself, but she knew not, how to stop.
Down by the practicing area the knight's were in full swing.
"How is Aurora fairing?" Dagonet asked Lancelot while watching Bors and Gawain.
Lancelot shook his head and sighed.
"She is unreachable. I am there by her side but it is like she is acting. I do not know what to do." He answered truthfully.
"Perhaps time will heal her wounds" Dagonet said, trying to console his friend.
Lancelot looked at the fight before him and felt someone watching him from above. He turned to look at the castle and saw a grim Aurora watching them. She did not smile, she did not wave, she did not even see him she just was there. Before he could think she had closed the window and disappeared from sight. He looked to the ground and then turned to Dagonet.
"I am afraid time might just make her wounds even more infected.." He answered and walked away.
A month went by and Aurora did not change. If any, she only distanced herself even more from the others. Lancelot felt frustration and he could no longer recognize the woman he had once loved. Aurora was not in total oblivion, she knew how Lancelot felt. She however, did not posses the power to make things right between them, thus she was not capable of it. All her energy went to just live through the day.
One morning, after spending yet another cold night with his wife, Lancelot had enough.
He was sitting on the bed, putting his socks on, while watching Aurora, in her white nightdress, was brushing her hair. She looked beautiful, as she always did, but her light was gone, as it had been for weeks.
In an attempt to lure her out of the room, he asked her if she wanted to join him for a ride. She didn't even respond but only looked at her reflection in the small mirror.
This was the last drop, he could not stand to live like this anymore.
"You know, I lost a child to!" He exclaimed out of nowhere and regretted it at once when he saw her chocked and hurt response.
She slowly turned around with her head facing downwards and it took a while before she could look him in the eye.
"Do you blame me?" She asked with a little hesitation.
Lancelot, who was bewildered by this, could only lift his eyebrows in a surprised response.
"No!" He said and motioned forward. "You do not believe that?" He asked and took her hands in his. She however, drew back her hands and walked by him.
"I just wanted to know." She answered.
This only added to Lancelot's frustration, who actually thought they had started a conversation.
"Is that all?" He asked with an annoyed tone.
Aurora turned around sharply. "What?" she wondered.
"Is that all you have to say? After all these weeks?"
"I do not know what you want me to say?"
I want you to LIVE again. Life must go one!" He screamed.
Taken aback by his demeanor, Aurora shielded herself.
"I can not concentrate on our relationship right now Lancelot, I must heal my wounds first."She said and lowered her eyes.
Lancelot walked to her and gripped her shoulders, forcing her too look at him.
"You must wake up Aurora! Time goes on, we must continue."
She looked at him with disbelief in her eyes.
"How can you say those things to me? How can you be so ignorant?"
"Ignorant?" He repeated with anger in his voice. "I have been by your side and supported you, I have grieved not only our child's death but Percival's as well."
"So have I!"
"Yes, but you have been allowed to grieve, I haven't. I have had a reasonability against you and my knights too go on. But you make it very difficult because you have decided to grieve forever!"
A slap was heard when Aurora hit her hand against Lancelot's cheek.
"You can go to hell!"Aurora said with fire in her eyes.
Holding a hand on his cheek where she had hit him, he but only looked at her. Aurora merely starred back.
"You do not know what death is. Not like I do." Lancelot began and walked towards Aurora, making her back away. " I grieve our child," he continued, "but we never knew him or her! But I knew you. I love you! But I can not just sit by and watch you fade away anymore. You must accept what happened." Lancelot pleaded.
Aurora crossed her eyes, and took a large breath. Silence.
"I can not go on Lancelot." She confessed.
"Why?" Lancelot asked with desperation in his eyes.
Aurora looked at him while tears began to form and slowly make their way down her cheeks.
Lancelot made an attempt to comfort her but she backed away.
"I can not go on Lancelot.." she looked him in the eyes. "Because of you."
"Me?" Lancelot wondered with pain in his eyes.
She nodded, "Yes".
"Why?"
"Please Lancelot, don't go there." she said and tried to walk away from his gaze.
"No!" He said and caught her and held her tight. "Tell me!" He demanded.
"Lancelot please,"
"Tell me!"
"Because I hate you!"she screamed.
The silence which followed were so compact that if a feather were to fall, it would not reach the ground until the end of time.
"Hate?" Lancelot repeated and looked at her while his heart broke into thousands of pieces. "Why?"
"You remind me of our child, and the pain is so uncontrollable." Aurora said while she cried. " I can not look at you and therefor I hate you, because you remind me of what I have lost." She answered.
Lancelot let go of her and nearly fell to the ground before seating himself on the bed.
Aurora wished she had held her tongue.
"I am sorry, I love you Lancelot, I do,"
"No, you hate me." He interrupted with a bitter tone.
"You know it is more complicated then that."
He shook his head. "Not for me, nor would it ever be so for me." He stood up and walked to the door but stopped.
"I, " He didn't look at her. "I am going to the tavern and when the night falls, I am not coming back. I will leave you alone and, stay away so you don't have to look at me." And with that he walked at the door leaving a heartbroken Aurora after him. She knew that things would never be the same and it was all her fault.
Lancelot was drunk. He was completely wasted.
"Should you not slow down?" Tristan asked him when he completed yet another cup of ale.
"Mind your own business!" Lancelot responded and ordered a new one.
Tristan simple gave him a smile, not caring for the rudeness in Lancelot's behavior.
The knights all looked at Lancelot and then each other and then back at Lancelot again. He had not told them what was wrong, but they had a guess: Aurora.
Lancelot drank three more cups of ale and decided to get some air.
"Hey, where are you going?" Bors screamed after him but Lancelot took no notice.
He stumbled out the door and down the road. Everything was spinning for him and he had to go in to an alley to escape the rest of the people.
He breathed heavily to try to clear his mind.
"Hello there." He heard a soft voice from the darkness and turned to see who it was. It was a blond girl, quite young but older then Aurora. She was thin, but had nice curves and very seductive lips.
"Are you alright?" She asked with a small accent. She is probably from the north he thought.
"I am fine." He said and tried to stand without support from the wall but was unsuccessful.
"I better help you." she said and put her arm round him. When he caught the smell of her flowery scent he forget everything. All he could think of was her hair, her lips.
"Hey, there" The girl said and smiled. "I am just going to help you" she said and made him focus his eyes on the walk before him.
"You are beautiful."
She laughed. Ohh, how long it was he had heard a woman laugh.
"What is you name?" he asked.
"Sol," She answered.
"Sol, what kind of name is that?"
She smiled. "It means sun in my language."
Lancelot smiled. "The sun, how suitable."
She giggled.
Lancelot stopped and turned to face her, he touched her cheek.
She seemed to be confused what to do, but she raised her hand and touched his lips gently. A memory flashed though his head.
" I mean" said Aurora reaching her head to be closer to him, her lips barely a centimeter from his.
" That the reason why you are not sharing my bed tonight, is not because I lack the experience". Lancelot looked bewildered at her, noticing her hand coming to rest at his chest, her lips touching his lightly while she spoke.
" But because my sister is sleeping in the room next to me", she finally said while gazing at him with seductive eyes.
" Aurora" Lancelot whispered just before the girl kissed him.
Aurora was tired. She had cried all night and now she had come to a decision. She would not lose Lancelot as well. Even if it hurt her, even if she would suffer she would not abandon him. "I promised I would love him forever and I will honour my vow."
She reached the tavern and found the knights, well everyone except Lancelot.
"Aurora!" Galahad screamed with joy when he saw her.
Everyone seemed happy to see her. She had after all not been out for a month.
"Where is Lancelot?" She asked.
"Well," Bors began. "He was kind of drunk. So he left. "
"Of course" she said to herself.
Seeing her distressed appearance Galahad and Dagonet decided to help her find him.
"He should not have gone far." Galahad smiled and took Aurora by her arm.
Lancelot felt at peace. Oh, how he had longed to feel the arms of a woman around him again. He pushed the girl against the wall, who herself had no objections.
Galahad walked the streets alone looking for Lancelot, while Aurora and Dagonet were looking together.
He had searched around the tavern and were now widening his search by looking if Lancelot had passed out in one of the alleys. When he searched in one however, he found something he did not expect. Lancelot and another woman going at it!
"This is not true" he said to himself.
"Galahad have you seen him?" he hard Aurora asking him while going straight at him.
"No!" he said rather weakly making Dagonet question his behavior.
"What is wrong?" Dagonet wondered walking past Aurora. Aurora was now beginning to sense that something was wrong and asked Galahad as well.
"I, " Galahad began but could not lie neither tell the truth.
At the same time a moan escaped from the alley and Dagonet and Aurora turned to look at it. They saw nothing because the angle only made it impossible for them to see anything but the beginning of the alley.
Aurora wondered what was going on and started to go in the direction from where the sounds were coming from.
"Don't!" Galahad said and stopped her. But she only pulled his arm of her and gave him a stern look.
She walked to the alley and could not believe her sight.
Dagonet came up behind her and gently squeezed her shoulder while an ashamed Galahad stood further back.
"Lancelot?" Aurora said to the couple.
He turned his head in her direction and the shame was evident in his eyes. He immediately let go of the girl as if she had burnt him.
"Who is this?" The girl wondered looking at Lancelot, who refused to answer her while standing with his back against them all.
"I am his wife." Aurora answered with a low voice.
She then turned to leave with Galahad right behind her.
Dagonet walked to Lancelot. His full figure threatening. He told the girl to go and she obeyed gladly.
"What the hell is you problem?" Dagonet asked.
Lancelot turned to look at him.
"What?" Lancelot said and raised his arms. "I can not do this anymore Dagonet. And don't dare to judge me!" He said and pointed a finger to Dagonet. "You do not knew the truth!"
"The truth?" Dagonet questioned. "There is no truth but the one I just saw. You. Cheating!"
"She said she hated me Dagonet!" Lancelot said in a low voice. "I can not do this anymore. The weight on my shoulders. She broke my heart and yes there is no excuse for what I did right now. But, she was falling into the darkness and she was bringing me with her."
Dagonet began to feel sorry fro him when he saw how unhappy he was, even though Lancelot's actions were something he could not accept.
"It is not you fault she is grieving."He answered trying to comfort a distressed Lancelot.
"YES!, it is. She told me."
"I am sure she.."
"You were not there. She told me she hated me, and she meant it."
"Did she say she didn't love you also?"
Lancelot turned to look at Dagonet and sighed after a while.
"On the contrary, she claimed she still did."
"Then you had your answer. Love and hate is sometimes connected to each other. She may have felt hate for you but her heart will always be yours."
"Perhaps," Lancelot said and softened his gaze. He was ashamed of what he had done, and yes there were no excuse. He had been drunk, he missed his wife even though she was there. But neither of these reasons could justify his behavior. But suddenly he remembered what had happened later this night and the pain in his chest were so indescribable that he didn't know what to do.
He stood up and gave Dagonet a hard look.
"I may posses her heart for all eternity, but that bitch broke mine."
Lancelot felt pain rush from his nose when Dagonet's fist connected with his face.
"Don't ever call your wife a bitch." Dagonet warned. " She if anyone, do not deserve that."
Lancelot held his noise and silently cursed Dagonet and his own life.
"I fear everything is ruined." Lancelot whispered while blood poured down his nose.
"You do not know that. There is always a way." Dagonet said.
Suddenly Galahad came running and stopped right in front of them.
"What is it?" Lancelot wondered.
"It is AURORA."
Fear gripped Lancelot's heart.
"What about her?"
Galahad looked at Lancelot and Dagonet, as if he didn't know how or what to say. He swallowed and gave Lancelot a sympathetic look.
"She left."
Yes, I know, allot of things happened in this chapter. But hey, you all needed a rude awakening.
Hope you liked it!