Autumn In Philadelphia Trilogy

by Mercedes Aria

Book III Saudade: The family returns to Philadelphia for Spring Break. Jon and Shawn finally sit down and explore the reasons for their estrangement with everyone who was there.

71. Saudade: Glory Days

Big thanks to my sis, Mirandabelle, for brainstorming with me and coming up with the bet in the minigolf scene. And Manta for help with Audrey's swimsuit.

Credit for "Too much shirts" to Indy Strong who coined the phrase on Pod Meets World

Although TLC's "No Scrubs" wasn't released until 1999, there is a direct tribute to the song in a conversation Jon and Audrey have.

This chapter is dedicated to Miranda and Manta with shout outs to their fandoms, NCIS and WandaVision/MCU. Love you both.

---

The next stop for the little family was the Lady Gay Riverboat which was to both indulge Audrey's romantic side and to give Jon a break from the "thrill" rides.

The idea of a riverboat invoked visions of Mark Twain and romance for Audrey. For Shawn it meant trying to ignore any and all connections to the author whose books he was forced to read at the beginning of his first summer with Jon until his teacher could figure out what to do with him.

Unfortunately for them all, the ride turned out to be boring. There wasn't much to see but ducks in the water and the occasional horse or cow out in the pastures.

Afterwards, they hit the tracks and spent the rest of the morning racing the Turnpike Cars. Shawn attempted to bribe one of the ride operators to make the antique cars go faster, but the operator told him the only thing the cars were capable of being rigged to do was to go slower. His disappointment lasted until they got to the Bumper cars where he and Jon took great delight in trying to send each other and Audrey into the walls.

Next on the list was Wonderland Mini golf which was adjacent to the Park. Tickets came free with their passes to Dutch Wonderland, so the trio took advantage of them and headed to the course for lunch.

However Shawn had a plan that would either get him big bonus points with Jon or a grounding. He was betting on bonus points given the nature of the weekend but knew there was a high chance that he might not see the outside of the cabin for the rest of the trip. There was no point in thinking it over however, so he marched quickly ahead of his people forcing them to follow.

"Shawn," Jon called after him. "Where are you goin'?"

"I have a couple of things I wanna check out before we leave," he shouted over his shoulder.

"We'll be back," Audrey told him as she and Jon rushed to catch up with him.

"I know but we won't be back on this side." Shawn paused long enough for them to get close then took off again. "The race cars and bumper cars are on the other side. And there are rides over here I wanna see before we go."

"Why?" Jon asked, suspiciously. Shawn was too focused for this to be as simple as looking at rides.

"Because half the point of bein' here is to get an idea of where we can take the baby the next time we come."

That was confirmation to him that this was not about the rides.

Jon and Audrey went along with him with little complaint though. Shawn managed to weave the three though the crowd to his destination without getting separated.

"Shawn," she said when they finally stopped. "You know we can always do this the next time. The entire place is baby friendly so it's not like she'll only be able to go to certain places."

"Oh, I know," he said, holding onto them both in case one decided to step out of line once they realized they were in a line. He did not miss that Audrey referred to the baby as her. "But I still wanna get an idea. You're not gonna wanna walk all over the park lookin' for stuff carryin' her."

Jon gave him a mischievous smile. "Shawn, there's this newfangled invention you can put kids in and push 'em around in. It's called a stroller."

Shawn rolled his eyes as required by teenage attitude. He didn't want Jon to know he appreciated the snappy comeback even if he didn't like it thrown at him.

"Chances are you leave it at home because you think a tiny baby is light enough to carry on your back all day," he shot back, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

Confused by where the statement came from, Audrey looked at Jon who shrugged.

Shawn couldn't hide that they were in a line for long. So he chattered about his baby sister hoping to distract Jon and Audrey from the ride they were actually in line for.

As he talked, all three of them noticed that people started giving them very strange smiles. The longer they stood in line the more the people around them joined in the conversation to give Jon and Audrey an incredible amount of unsolicited advice about pregnancy and parenthood.

Along with many congratulations.

Confusing as it was, Shawn found it a great distraction; Jon and Audrey were too weirded out by the very personal questions and advice to pay attention to where they were headed.

However, his plan was nearly spoiled when a grandmother in her sixties for some reason thought it was okay to put her hands on a stranger. She reached out to touch Audrey's stomach while cooing that she was so tiny she must be one of those who wouldn't pop out until very late. Audrey was greatly disturbed by this behavior, and Jon very nearly pulled them all out of line because of it.

"We can't leave now! We're almost there. Besides, handsy granny isn't even in line for this ride," Shawn insisted, shooting the woman a dirty look.

She glared right back at him, upset by their reaction.

Jon grabbed him by the shoulder and hissed in his ear, "Cut the baby talk in public, okay? You've got people thinkin' Aud is pregnant."

Shawn wasn't listening; they were next to board the ride.

The attendant looked at them and said, "Next six riders. Just two more boats for this time. How many in the family?"

Jon started to answer when Shawn stepped up to the attendant and whispered something in her ear. The attendant gave Jon and Audrey a curious glance then a sly smile.

The couple exchanged wary looks.

"Just a minute," she said with a wink.

After a few minutes, the attendant returned and let a family of six on the ride ahead of the trio. The last boat pulled up and she waved Jon and Audrey aboard.

Shawn remained where he was as the attendant announced that the boats were full.

"Hey, wait," Jon said, putting a foot back on the dock, "He's our kid and this thing isn't full."

"Sorry, sir, ride's full," she said with such cheery fakeness Jon stepped back into the boat to get away from her.

Shawn shot his people a bright Joker grin and a salute, then ducked behind the couple next in line.

"Shawn!" Jon yelled at him as Audrey grabbed his shirt and pulled him into his seat as the boat began to move.

The teen continued to wave as the attendant closed the ride leaving Jon and Audrey with no choice but to take a romantic gondola cruise without him.

Or at least a romantic cruise was Shawn's plan.

It turned out the gondolas weren't exactly like the ones found in Venice. They were just standard amusement park boats in bright colors. However, it did appear that couples who had family members to watch their kids often negotiated a boat ride by themselves. Which explained why the attendant was more amused than surprised by Shawn's whispered request that his parents needed some time alone before their family expanded.

He meant his permanent inclusion into their lives, but if the attendant took it to mean Audrey was pregnant, well, that wasn't his fault; he didn't say anything about that.

After the initial annoyance of Shawn's antics, Jon stretched out as much as he could and put his arm around Audrey who seemed more enamored with the "gondola" than the riverboat.

Feigning annoyance, Jon said, "Why in the world is he still tryin' to set us up?"

Audrey chuckled and snuggled against him. "I think it was very sweet of him."

Jon grinned. "I just don't wanna know what he said to bribe that attendant into givin' us a boat to ourselves in a crowded park.

"Try to enjoy the sentiment and the ride."

"Oh I am!" he assured her, pulling her as close as possible. He really wasn't bothered by Shawn's "gift" and he was grateful to be able to sit down for more than a minute or two. He briefly wondered if Shawn would always pull these tricks or if they were something else he'd grow out of.

He almost hoped he wouldn't.

As the ride progressed through the Botanical Gardens, it was hard for the couple not to compare it to the real thing. Both Jon and Audrey had been in real gondolas in Venice.

For Jon, he'd been on one with a self-absorbed blonde who thought she was God's gift to him and every needy kid on the planet. He promptly dumped her for a Swiss brunette with a slight French accent as soon as they got back on dry land.

As Jon dumped the blonde Audrey was boarding the same gondola with dancers from her ballet troupe when they were in Milan to attend classes in the Cecchetti method at La Scala Theatre Ballet. Just like in London and the performance of Miss Saigon, they had been in the same place at the same time without knowing it.

Compared to Venice the cruise was an average boat ride through the canals of the botanical gardens with landmarks from around the world along the way. While Audrey found charm in the ride, Jon felt it would have been greatly improved had they been able to make out discreetly. They couldn't so he had to settle for nearly falling asleep on her more than once.

Making out was apparently what Shawn had in mind for the ride as well. He was waiting for them at the exit and was less than thrilled to get Jon's feedback.

"Am I in trouble for ditchin' you guys since nothin' happened?" he asked scrunching his nose up and shoving his hands into his pockets.

Jon gripped his shoulder tightly. He gave the teen a tight scowl and hissed in a low voice, "Yeah, you are."

Shawn repressed a groan; the cabin was too small and boring to stay in the rest of the weekend. "What's the punishment?"

He glanced at Audrey with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "I'm gonna kick your butt at mini golf," he grinned. He let go of Shawn's shoulder and gave it a light slap. "No more delays, kid. You're dead."

Realizing Jon wasn't even a little annoyed with him, Shawn put his arm around Audrey and obediently followed his people to lunch with a pleased smile on his face.

---

There were a number of eating places outdoors, but due to the heat increasing as the day went on, the trio chose to go to Merlin's Pizza & Pasta Buffetsit to cool off. While Jon and Audrey stood in line to order, Shawn busied himself with inspecting the restaurant.

He appreciated that the place was child friendly, and highchairs were plentiful. Rather than say anything out loud about this that might attract unwanted attention to Audrey, he snapped a picture to remind himself of it later. When he turned around to join his people, a little girl with dark eyes stared at him with a serious look. She was about four years old with a halo of dark curls around her head.

"Hi," Shawn said to her.

Her serious expression turned into a scowl. "Are you gonna use that?"

"Huh?" Shawn followed to where her finger was pointing at the highchairs. "Oh, no. Nah, I was just checkin' it out."

"Why?" she asked warily. She folded chubby arms over the bib of her pink overall shorts.

"Well, next year my parents and I'll be back here with my baby sister. I just wanna check things out," he explained. "You know, see what the park has for kids and what we'll need to bring for her."

"Everything is for kids," she replied unimpressed. She turned her head to give him an intense side-eye. "You're too big for that."

Shawn blinked. Then a slow smile spread over his face. She reminded him a lot of Morgan who was also rather sassy. Though not quite as serious.

"I know," he said, leaning over and putting his hands on his knees so that he was at her level. "If I sat on one of those I'd break it and go splat."

The girl cracked a smile. "You're funny."

"Thanks."

She wrinkled her nose at him and grew even more serious than before. "Is your mama having a baby too?"

"Well," Shawn hesitated as he gave Audrey a glance. "Not yet. Soon though."

"My mama is and I don't want it." Grumpily she hugged herself as tears sprang up.

"How come?"

"Because I'm Mama's baby," she said forlornly.

As the youngest child as far as he knew, Shawn didn't fully understand the sentiment, but he did remember Cory being very unhappy with the news of Morgan's impending arrival and his fear of being forgotten by his parents.

Shawn also remembered what it was like to have a big sister. He adored Stacy and was devastated when Virna ran her off. His nose twitched as he pushed back the emotion that welled up at the memory to focus on the little girl in front of him.

"Yeah, but bein' a big sister is really important," he told her sincerely.

"How do you know?" she asked skeptically.

"I have a big sister."

She stared at him for a moment. "That's not the same."

"Kinda is," he shrugged.

"It's a boy. I wanted a sister," she pouted and stamped her foot.

Shawn did not know it was possible for a face to contort into such a deep scowl.

He paused for a moment trying to think like a little kid and what would be helpful to hear. He knelt in front of her, resting his hands on his knees. "Yeah well, brothers are cool. I have…several."

She squinted at him, unconvinced.

What made Cory accept Morgan? he wondered. Then he remembered what Eric told Cory about being a big brother. "You're the biggest right?"

She nodded.

"That means you're the boss and in charge."

Her dark eyes lit up at this and she leaned in closer to Shawn. "Really? I can boss him around?"

Of course, that would be what she heard.

It was also what Eric told Cory.

Shawn rubbed the back of his head and very nearly said yes and told her she could also blame him for things she did.

He caught himself.

Would that be what he wanted someone to tell his sister?

No, it wasn't.

Shawn knew from experience that kids could figure out the sibling hierarchy without being encouraged, so he opted for what he would want to tell his little sister instead.

"Yeah, you could. Or you could be a nice big sister. You know, watch out for him, teach him stuff. Then he'll want to do what you tell him. And he won't cry to Mom that you're bein' mean to him."

"Oh," her eyes went wide, and she crouched down like he was. In a whisper she said, "I don't want Mama to be mad at me. I'll be nice."

"Good," Shawn said, running a hand through his hair. "Then he'll brag he has the best big sister in the whole world and that's pretty cool. What's your name?"

"Ziva," she said. Her eyes were bright, and the serious scowl was gone. "What's your name?"

"Shawn."

"I like Shawn," she grinned. "That's what I'm gonna call Tony."

Shawn frowned in confusion. "Who's Tony?"

"Ziva!" a woman called out. "Come on. It's time to eat."

Ziva looked over her shoulder and waved at the woman. "That's the name Daddy and Mama chose, but I like Shawn better. So he's gonna be Shawn 'cause I'm the big sister and I'm the boss."

Shawn waved goodbye to Ziva as she ran back to her parents unsure if he made things better or worse. When he rejoined his people, Audrey gave him a strange teary-eyed look but said nothing.

After ordering the trio found a table and sat down. As he picked up his pizza, Shawn commented offhandedly, "This is a pretty great place. I know Ziva will really like it when she's old enough to care."

Jon and Audrey exchanged looks. Shawn saw this and explained.

"We saw you. Her parents came over and talked to us," Jon told him. "Not bad advice you gave her. I am surprised you didn't tell her she could blame little brother for the stuff she does."

Shawn gave an abrupt laugh. "I thought about it." He paused then added. "I like the name Ziva."

"So do I," Audrey said. "It's pretty. And different."

"Very pretty name," Jon agreed then made a face. "But not so pretty when paired with Turner."

"Or Andrews." Shawn frowned. He took a bite of his pizza and chewed thoughtfully. "Or Hunter." He let out a frustrated grunt. "Man, I thought I had the name! Ziva Julia sounds good, but Julia would be a terrible last name for us."

It took Jon and Audrey a moment to understand that he was suggesting they all change their names. Both chuckled at the thought.

"We have plenty of time to choose a name, honey," Audrey reminded him. "It's not like she's just going to show up unannounced."

A chill went down Shawn's spine with his next bite. A shadow of foreboding fell over him. He didn't understand where this strange sense of urgency and anxiety was coming from. "I think we oughta do it soon though."

"Why?" Jon asked.

"I dunno how to explain it," he rubbed his hands together as though he was cold. "It's just…we oughta have something ready to go just in case."

"Just in case what?"

"I'm not sure."

As Shawn stared at his food Audrey gripped Jon's knee and leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I think he's worried Chet will come back and ruin things."

Jon nodded his agreement. He'd had the same thought.

Shawn suddenly sat up straight with a grin on his face as though someone had flipped a switch. His attention was solely on miniature golf now.

"Hey Mama, if you beat us, I'll buy you a funnel cake and win you one of those big stuffed dolphins no matter how many times I have to play the Crossbow.

Jon groaned, wadded up his napkin, and threw it on his tray. "Are you forgettin' who's payin' for all of this, kid? Don't let your mouth write checks I'll have to cash!"

The Joker grin was firmly in place as he stared at Jon. "What? I brought my allowance."

"What if I end up kickin' your scrawny butt, Hunter?" he shot back with an arched brow and his tongue in his cheek.

"You won't," he chirped with a smirk. He turned his attention to Audrey. "Whaddya say, Mama? Play for a snack date with your only son?"

Audrey shook her head and grinned. She loved it when he and Jon got going like this. "How could I say no to an offer like that? But what happens if I lose?"

"Oh." Shawn dropped his chin to his chest for a moment then looked up at Jon with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "You can have a snack date with Jon if you lose."

"So what does that make me?" Jon huffed, leaning back in his chair with thud.

Audrey and Shawn caught each other's eyes and grinned. In unison they laughed, "The consolation prize."

"Yeah, yeah," he rolled his eyes. He really should have seen that one coming. "You're lucky I like you two so much."

Shawn's punishment backfired on Jon in a way he did not foresee.

---

Jon had never played mini golf before.

Since it was just putting and his putting stroke had always been very good, he expected to be good at mini golf. However, the hard putting surfaces were much faster than the greens on a real golf course, and he felt like he spent the entire time hitting putts way past the hole. He felt ridiculous taking so many strokes to get a ball in a hole surrounded by brightly colored cartoon characters.

Shawn didn't fare much better.

He'd played mini golf many times over the years with Cory's family on the Jersey shore and was significantly better than Jon. However, because he did not know all the dips, turns, and quirks of this course the way he did the ones he grew up on, he also had problems on almost every hole.

Wonderland mini golf was quite a bit different and a lot more maddening than any other course he'd played before.

The first issue came up when he got stuck on the pipe hole.

It was incredibly frustrating to hit more than one perfect shot yet having each one end up nowhere near the hole. He took that frustration out on the ball with a wonky, thoughtless whack that sent it straight through the pipe and into the hole.

Shawn stared at the course questioning his life choices before Jon pulled him on to the next hole.

The Windmill, which was his best hole on the Jersey Shore, was abysmal in Lancaster. He could not get the shot he wanted, which was the windmill itself. Jon got aggravated and told him to just play around. Shawn had not "played around" since he was eleven. He wasn't about to start again at fifteen.

However, the course insisted that he did.

The Windmill mocked him as it lazily turned in the breeze. He was way over par and holding up play for everyone else. Jon, apologizing to the families behind them for his son's silent temper tantrum, confiscated Shawn's putter and all but carried him to the next hole.

As Jon and Audrey took their turns, Shawn watched the family behind them.

The seven-year-old got a hole in one.

"She cheated!" he squawked indignantly, shoving his putter in the girl's direction. "Look! She picked the ball up and set it right in front of the windmill. That's illegal."

Distractedly, Jon looked away from Audrey who was lining up her shot. "She's a little kid, Shawn."

"So?" He stared in horror at the same hole. "Ah! What's that!?"

The youngest child in the family, five at the most, kept hitting his ball before it came to a stop counting one every time the putter touched the ball. He made the hole with "one" shot.

Shawn was infuriated by the unfairness of it all.

"Lemme ask you somethin',"Jon said, amused by Shawn's dramatics. He put his hands on top of the putter's shaft and leaned on it.

"What?" he snapped, still glaring at the little kids.

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen,' he snapped sullenly. He caught Jon's look and explained, "Mr. Matthews wouldn't let Cory and me do stuff like that when we were little kids. He made us play like adults."

"So?"

"So why don't they have to play like adults?"

Jon gave the little kids a puzzled look then nudged Shawn to take his turn on the current hole. "I don't know, they aren't my kids."

"I'm your kid," he said, stubbornly refusing to move on. "Do I have to play like an adult?"

"Are you kiddin' me?"

'Dead serious, man." Shawn glared at the windmill.

"You really wanna do-over on the windmill, don't you?"

"That kid got one!" He shrugged his shoulders trying to line up his shot, but he couldn't focus. "That stupid thing killed my score."

"Yeah" Jon sighed, rubbing his thumb across his forehead. "And Audrey is killin' us both. It really doesn't matter anymore."

Audrey was the clear victor much to Jon and Shawn's chagrin. In a very un-Audrey like fashion, she took immense satisfaction in defeating a real golfer and a near pro-mini golfer. She insisted on taking a picture to show Andrea and Eli.

Shawn was in a foul mood over the loss until he saw the menu at the Par 3 Ice Cream Parlor and Café where they celebrated Audrey's win. Then, after another round of golf where he and Jon lost even worse than before, the trio headed back to the cabin with funnel cake in hand to relax before dinner.

Back at the cabin, Shawn promptly spread himself out to take up every inch of futon space. Within seconds, he was asleep drooling on three pillows as he lightly snored.

Audrey relaxed on the love seat with her feet on the arm of the sofa reading a book.

The only place left for Jon was a lounge chair that didn't recline. He was tired and wanted to lie down but did not want to be alone. As he passed the kitchen to join his family in the living room, the radio under the overhead counter caught his attention. Absently he turned it on and switched it to a local rock station.

As if the DJ knew what he needed to hear, Springsteen's Better Days started to stream out of the speaker. A smile broke through the tiredness on his face. He never thought he'd understand the Boss' reason for writing that song.

But he did now.

Jon walked over to Audrey and nudged her knee. She saw the exhaustion on his face and moved so that he could sit next to her. Before he did, he went over to the futon to wrestle a pillow from the deep sleeping teenager and tossed it onto Audrey's lap. The shortness of the couch was less than comfortable but with his head on the pillow looking up into those gray eyes, he didn't care.

Audrey set her book aside to focus on him. She lovingly ran through her hands through his hair in the way he'd grown to crave then peppered his face with light kisses. He let go of everything he'd been thinking about and relaxed, happy and content.

With everything.

"Today was a good day," she said softly.

He nodded his agreement as he tangled his fingers in her hair that was draped over him like a blanket. "I never thought I could have fun at a place meant for 12-year-olds," he said with an amused smile.

"And younger. Mini-" She paused her thought as Jon pulled her down for a kiss. When he released her, she went on, "Mini golf was my favorite."

"Least favorite for me! Eighteen is a perfect score in mini golf and it's just puttin'. I can't believe I didn't do better than a 41 on a kiddie course." He laughed. Playing with the ends of her hair, he said with admiration, "You are seriously good though. You know Shawn's played a lot on the Shore, but those skills didn't transfer here and neither did my puttin'. How'd you do it?"

She grinned. "I watched the people ahead of us and saw what they did wrong and where the course went funny."

"Are you kiddin' me? You took it that seriously?"

She nodded with a self-satisfied smile. "You were handling Shawn at the Windmill, and I got bored." At the stunned look on his face she said, "I also didn't overthink my shots. You and Shawn played like you were at the Masters."

Jon looked incredibly irritated. "I've played Pinehurst No. 2, Audrey. It's 7,588 yards, has a course ratin' of 76.5, and a slope ratin' of 138. Those greens are extremely hard to putt because it has so many false fronts, edges and backs where the holes are. De-greener putts happen at the time. And I made par on it!" He folded his arms over his chest making her sit up slightly.

Audrey raised her brow at this. "I have no idea what any of that means."

He rolled his eyes and gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I play good golf."

"And I play good mini golf," she replied, swinging her hair out of his reach.

"Yeah, you do," he chuckled, taking her hand and placing her palm against his. "You deserve somethin' better than a consolation prize that's for sure."

"I didn't really think I was getting that much," she teased. "Considering where I am right now and with whom."

One of the many things Jon adored about her was the ability to tease her like he did Shawn without her being offended. She gave back better than she got and with much humor. Every other woman he'd dated had been the opposite.

He was in a playful mood and could see she was too, so he said drolly, "Yeah, well, a woman like you should have a weekend like this every month at the very least. Instead you've settled for marryin' a guy like me."

She gave an exasperated sigh of agreement while amusement sparkled in her eyes. "A guy like you huh?"

"Yep. A teacher livin' from paycheck to paycheck in a bad part of town who can't make par on a kid's golf course." He examined the lock of her hair wrapped around his finger as he struggled not to laugh. "I dunno, babe, I'm pretty broken down. You deserve a better boyfriend. One who can show you a whole new world."

Audrey leaned over him more. The hair he wasn't holding dropped down over the side of the couch forming a curtain between him and the late afternoon sun coming in through the window. "A dazzling place I never knew, huh?"

This broke Jon's immersion in the story he was creating. "Huh?"

"Weren't you quoting the song?" she asked in amusement.

"What song?"

"A Whole New World?"

"Sure it is."

She rolled her eyes as they dissolved into quiet laughter.

"Anyway," He suddenly became serious. "Maybe someday I'll get it together to give you the forever you deserve."

"You sound like Shawn," she retorted in mock annoyance. She poked his chest twice. "What do you want?"

He arched an eyebrow and tried to look innocent. "I want you to have a boyfriend who can take you travelin' the world."

A wicked smile slid over her face. "Me too."

This was not the response he was anticipating.

He was impressed, but said, "Oh, ouch, Aud. Right to the heart." He put his hand where she'd been poking him.

With a teasing grin, she twirled a lock of hair around her finger right in front of his nose. "Do tell where this theoretical boyfriend will take me."

Jon pretended to consider this. "Paris without a doubt."

Audrey arched a brow. "And what if this boyfriend hates French food?"

"He'll deal with it."

"Paris is a bit cliché, though, don't you think?"

"After the way we've done things, clichés would be a nice, predictable change," he laughed.

She pursed her lips and shook her head. "I thought we were talking about where my boyfriend who's not you is going to take me."

"Oh, right," Jon said, feigning seriousness. He furrowed his brow and resumed planning. "What about Switzerland? I've skied the Swiss Alps many times and there are some amazin' resorts I would recommend to the two of you."

Audrey's eyes lit up and she dropped their game for a moment. "I've danced in Zurich before during a European summer dance program. They have an incredible ballet company."

"Hmm," Jon said with a playful glint in his eyes. "If Paris is too cliché I guess we can skip it and go to the Alps and the ballet."

"Oh no we can't!" She cried so emphatically that he wasn't sure if they were still playing. "Jon, do you have any idea how incredible it was to dance on the very stage where the Phantom of Opera occurred?"

She was so serious he couldn't help but laugh. "Pretty sure that's just a story, babe."

Audrey waved her hand dismissively at him. "What else does this boyfriend have on his itinerary?"

'Paris now apparently."

"Well, if we're doing cliches, add a kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower."

He chuckled. "What about Italy next?"

"I danced in Milan." A nostalgic look settled in her eyes. "That's when my company took a day trip to Venice."

"Milan, Venice- got it," he nodded, adding them to a mental list. Although he was teasing her, he had a reason for planning this "fake" European vacation. "Anywhere else?"

Audrey's smile saddened slightly, "I was supposed to spend a summer with the Brigitte Gauci Borda School of Dance in Malta, but I ended up hospitalized before it happened."

Jon could see tears forming in her eyes. He reached up and touched her cheek. "I didn't realize Malta had a ballet company."

"The ŻfinMalta National Dance Company," she said with a distant look in her eyes. "You'll have a hard time finding a country in Europe without a national company."

Jon let his hand drop to his chest as he tried to come up with a way to bring back her smile. "What about Spain?" he asked, hoping to distract her.

It worked.

A dreamy smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "The Posados Ballet Company. I danced with them the same summer I was in Italy. That was a lot of fun. I'd love to go back to the Ballet Cymru in Wales too." The mischievous gleam was back, and she poked him in the chest. "I must be getting one rich boyfriend to be able to afford all of this. At least I better be. Because I am not sleeping in hostels. It's 5-star resorts, private jets, and expensive dinners only thank you very much."

Jon looked deeply apologetic. "When I said I wanted you to have a boyfriend who can take you travelin' through Europe I did mean in style, although he'll have to be willin' to take money from wealthy parents even if he doesn't talk to them."

A tender look settled in her eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair again. "And I want you. So how're you going to afford it? I assume you're talking about our extended honeymoon."

He nodded, pleased that she knew all along.

"I hope you do have some favors from Mummy and Daddy and their business associates to call in," she teased.

"Well, actually," he said, feigning embarrassment. "I was hopin' my not girlfriend' would call in her dance favors. Otherwise I'm gonna have to sublet the apartment so I can use my rent money on top of saving' to afford everythin'." He paused to shoot her a faux worried look. "Do either of us have a cousin with a private jet?"

This made her laugh out loud and nearly woke Shawn. "You're such a scrub."

"Am I still gonna get some love from you?" He grinned as he put a hand behind her head and pulled her into a kiss.

"Mmmhmm," she replied. Their kiss deepened until a sudden snort snore from Shawn as he turned over reminded them they weren't alone.

"Well, not boyfriend," she went back to teasing him. "I could get used to traveling. And this guy I'm with right now is definitely making it worth my while so far. It's more than I've gotten from anyone since Mum died."

"You deserve it," he said with an affectionate smile. "Especially since we're skippin' the romance of datin'."

She played with the curls resting against his forehead. Her eyes sparkled with flirty mischief. "Well, date or not, thanks for inviting me."

"Thank Shawn. It was his idea," he admitted with feigned annoyance.

"I know. He loves me more than you do."

Jon shook his head adamantly. "Not a chance in the world he does, babe."

"I love you, too, Jonny."

A hot fire spread through him as she leaned down and kissed the fingers of the hand that rested on his chest, and it wasn't long before he had to get up and take a walk around the grounds outside of the cabin to cool off.

---

Jon still felt like he was walking on hot coals by the time he got back to the cabin and was happy to see that Shawn was up and sleepily hanging onto Audrey while she cooked hot dogs on the stove. He walked up behind them and gave Shawn a light pop on the back of the head. The teen rolled his head to the side and gave him a lazy grin.

Audrey kept the meal simple: hot dogs and chips. The last two days had been filled with a lot of food and snacks and neither Jon nor Shawn felt like eating much. Shawn ate very little, which was not surprising since Jon had not seen him without a bag of something in his hands for the past 48 hours unless he was asleep. Audrey on the other hand was beginning to worry him.

It wasn't that she hadn't been eating, but Jon noticed that her meals were reduced to sampling whatever he or Shawn were eating. At lunch half of her burger went in the trash and she only picked at her fries.

Now, as they cleaned up the kitchen, Jon saw the pale look on her face and caught Shawn's attention. With a serious look he nodded at Audrey. Shawn understood the unspoken direction: pull up a chair; it's time for a family chat.

They had established this protocol with Audrey's therapist and practiced it a few times, but this was the first time using it without professional supervision.

"Hey," Jon said casually. He put his arm around her after she put the rag on the dishrack.

"Hey," she replied leaning into him. She gave Shawn, who was holding out a chair to her, a curious look.

"You feelin' okay?"

Audrey knew from the tone of his voice that there was more to this, but she wasn't sure what. "People have been asking me that all day. You know I'm not pregnant," she snapped in exasperation.

Jon and Shawn exchanged worried looks. This was not a normal reaction to a simple question.

Audrey started to pull away. Although he was still uncertain about how to phrase his concern he no longer tried for the perfect words. "Your eatin' has decreased over the last day," he said in a neutral tone. "You barely touched dinner."

Audrey paled further and she glanced at Shawn who watched her with concern. The urge to revert to old ways and divert attention away from herself or lie was overwhelming.

It took her several minutes to fight the compulsion and answer. "I'm struggling with obsessive thoughts about the waterpark."

Shawn was at her side in an instant. "Mama, if you don't wanna go, we don't go. I don't care that much about it."

"It's not the rides," she said weakly as panic rose up within her. A cold sweat broke over her and she felt a wave of nausea hit her. She wanted to run but Jon had a firm grip on her, and Shawn clutched her hand. They knew her too well to be put off by excuses.

"It's…it's what to wear. I don't know if I can wear a swimsuit.'

"How come?" Shawn asked.

"It's just…" she glanced at Jon but quickly looked away. "It's the idea of wearing something so revealing."

Shawn gave Jon a severe look. He was under the impression Audrey had not seen the suit and that he would get to approve it before she did. He was about to voice his displeasure when Audrey said, "Besides, I don't have one."

Without thinking, Shawn replied, "Yeah, you do. Jon got you one on the way here."

Audrey frowned and looked up at Jon. "You did?"

"Yeah," Jon said, suddenly wishing he hadn't without her approval. "I saw you didn't have one when we packed your stuff, so I picked one up for you when we were at Goode's."

"Oh." The words that followed sounded hollow. "Thanks, Jonny. I'm sure I'll love whatever you picked out."

"Don't worry, Mama, I'll take a look at it first to make sure he didn't get you a dopey beige one piece or something." Shawn huffed his hair out of his eyes and gave Jon a pointed look.

Jon shot him one of annoyance. "I had no intention of gettin' that one."

"I still need to look at it," he replied. "Your fashion sense is questionable at best."

"And yours isn't, Mr. Too Much Shirts?"

Normally she enjoyed listening to their back and forth, but the compulsive feeling to run compounded by the nausea was crushing her. She battled with what she knew she knew she should do and old habits.

Jon and Shawn continued snarking at each other while she silently struggled. Anxiety hit her hard. Audrey gripped Jon's shirt and just before compulsion pushed her to the bathroom, she blurted out, "I don't think it's a good idea for me to be alone tonight."

Immediately Jon and Shawn stopped their bickering.

"Mama?" Shawn leaned in close to her.

"Aud?"

"I have that feeling like I want to make myself throw up."

Jon was caught off guard by the confession as this was the first time she'd ever said anything to them outside of her therapist's office.

This was a big step for her.

Shawn met Jon's eyes and nodded his understanding of what was happening. "Dad and I'll be happy not to give you any personal space whatsoever."

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thanks."

"I'm proud of you, Aud," Jon said, kissing her head.

"Me, too," Shawn said, wrapping them both in a hug.

"You're really makin' progress, babe."

"Yeah, Mama, you're kickin' this eatin' disorder's butt!"

Jon and Shawn continued to shower her in praise. Audrey just nodded numbly, not nearly as confident in herself as they were.

It wasn't the alarm that woke Jon up the next morning.

Hot air hit his face at a rhythmic pace. And that air smelled strangely like toothpaste and Fruit Loops.

He tried to turn over to get away from both the heat and smell, but he was prevented from doing so by a heavy weight in the middle of his chest. He opened one eye and found Shawn's nose mere centimeters away from his face. Jon woke fully with a strangled cry of shock and annoyance.

"What are you doin'!?" he hissed.

Shawn gave him a dirty look and clamped his hand over Jon's mouth. "Shhh! You'll wake Mama!'

Jon very seriously considered licking the kid's palm, but it occurred to him that he didn't know what Shawn's hand washing habits were and reconsidered. Instead he took hold of his wrist and pushed the teen away from his face.

"What are you doin'?" he repeated in a low growl.

Shawn pulled away and scowled at him. He stood up and motioned sharply for Jon to follow him.

With a silent groan, Jon threw off the covers and begrudging left the bedroom. Audrey didn't stir, but she never did. He wondered if she really slept through their noise or if she was just ignoring them.

"What is this all about?" he asked again once the bedroom door was closed behind them."

As he said this his attention was caught by the clock.

6 A.M.

Jon glared at the timepiece and shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

Unphased by the early hour Shawn said seriously, "We're goin' to the waterpark today."

He stared at the teen incredulously. "That's what you woke me up to tell me?"

Shawn sighed in exasperation. "No, I woke you up so I can see this swimsuit you got Audrey."

Jon closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. After a moment, he relaxed.

It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to get a second just wasn't sure Shawn's was the best one to get.

"Fine. Wait here."

Quietly he slipped back into the room and went to his bed. He reached under the mattress and pulled out a bag. He wasn't really sure why he was hiding it although he was a bit nervous about giving his student teacher something that could be perceived as intimate by certain people.

As soon as the bag was in hand, he was thrown into the previous year trying to explain the brown bag containing Kat's underwear to Mr. Feeny. He still couldn't look back on that without feeling completely humiliated.

But this was not the same situation. There was no nosy principal around. And it was just a swimsuit.

He was barely back in the living room when Shawn snatched the bag from him. The teen pulled the suit out and discarded the packaging on the floor. Jon grumbled under his breath to calm the nerves that were irritating him as he picked up the bag.

Shawn held the garment up and examined it from every conceivable angle. He held it to the light, up to Jon, and up to himself.

All in silence.

Jon could only take so much. "Well?"

Shawn laid the bikini out on the table and took three exaggerated steps back, eying it critically. Finally, he said, "I'm surprised you got the one with so much fabric."

Jon gave him an exasperated look. It was too early in the morning for this.

Shawn arched a brow at him. "I saw the ones you were lookin' at."

"I thought you were talkin' to that old guy about huntin'," he snapped back.

Shawn ignored him. "I'm glad you didn't get that beige one-piece you spent so long on."

"I thought it was a pearly bikini," Jon grumbled.

"Pearly?" Shawn made a face. "What does that even mean?"

"Who cares? Focus on the suit I got huh?" As much as he didn't want to admit, he was worried that Shawn thought the suit was terrible which would guarantee Audrey would too. "What about this one?"

Shawn went back to scrutinizing it in silence.

Jon put his hands on his waist and was about to snap at him when the teen moved his finger away from his mouth and gave a nod of approval.

"Good choice." Shawn put his hand on Jon's shoulder and pointed to the suit. "The colors will go great with her hair and skin. The skirt provides plenty of coverage and the top is pretty padded. Mama should feel well covered. There's just one thing."

The tone of his voice set Jon on edge. "What?"

"How do you know you got the right size?"

A red flush colored his cheeks. Sheepishly, he admitted, "I checked her underwear while we were packin' and got the same size."

Shawn approved of this. "What about the top?"

Jon frowned. "What about the top?"

"Didn't you check her bra size?"

Jon closed his eyes and grimaced. It did not occur to him that there would be a difference.

Shawn let out a low whistle when he saw the look on his teacher's face. "Yeah, if you didn't get the right cup size she's gonna feel exposed. Too small she'll spill over the cups. Too big and she'll fall out of it. And it won't look good."

Suddenly Jon became very uncomfortable discussing the suit and Audrey with him. However Shawn was right. He couldn't believe it never occurred to him to check her bra size, especially when that sort of thing used to be the only thing that ever occurred to him and was one of the first things he checked.

"So what do I do?" He dropped heavily into a chair by the table.

Shawn shrugged. "Nothin' you can do but show her and let her see if it fits."

He put his hand over his mouth then said, "I can't believe I don't know her bra size."

They sat in silence both staring at the swimsuit. Then Shawn said unhelpfully, "Topanga would know."

"How?"

"Girls have a way of knowin' these things about each other," he replied like a wise sage.

Jon gave him a skeptical look, then chuckled. Shawn could be so confidently wrong sometimes. He watched the teen for a moment then said, "I'm surprised you don't know that kind of thing."

Shawn twitched his nose and looked at the bikini thoughtfully. "I don't see Audrey like that."

"I didn't mean it that way."

"I know." Shawn smoothed out the wrinkles in the skirt. "But yeah, I used to just glance at a girl and know her sizes."

"And now?"

He shrugged and folded his hands in front of him. "I don't see Audrey like," he said again. "She's really beautiful." There was a thoughtful look in his eyes. "But there's a lot more to her, you know? I figure if there's a lot more to Aud who isn't a lot older than the girls I date then that means there's more to them than how hot they are, right?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Jon's mouth over this revelation. "Yeah."

His mind went to the time Shawn snuck Veronica Watson back to the apartment and all the girls he chose based solely on looks. He recalled the time he found and destroyed the notebook rating girls' physical features in detail that was passed around the locker room not long after the Veronica incident.

So hearing this mature outlook from Shawn made Jon inexplicably proud of him.

The kid was really growing up.

As if to confirm this Shawn said, "I'm startin' not to see any girl like that anymore."

"When did this happen?" he asked quietly.

Shawn shrugged and then frowned as he tried to remember. "I dunno the exact moment but seein' how differently you treat Aud make me think about it. I mean most guys would go for her because she's young and hot then do the whole 'love 'em and leave 'em" thing." He turned to face and regarded him seriously. "But you didn't do that. No matter what you wanted, you put her first. You treat her…"

Shawn frowned as he struggled with his last thoughts.

"Like a person?" Jon offered.

He shook his head slightly, then paused and nodded. "With respect."

Jon sat back in surprise. While Shawn always said he was different with Audrey than with other women he dated, he did not realize how strongly his actions affected the teen in his care. Or how closely he was being watched. It was intimidating to think he had so much influence over someone just by what he did.

As loud as actions spoke though, he knew words were needed to back them up, so he said, "I'm proud of you, Shawn."

Shawn looked surprised for a moment, then gave a small smile and nodded. He returned his attention to the bikini. "Show Mama," he said. "If it doesn't fit we can always get her somethin' else."

He looked at Jon through his bangs and said sincerely, "You didn't get the string bikini you spent so much time starin' at."

Jon gave a short laugh and shook his head. "Nah, I know Audrey wouldn't be comfortable in something like that. She has to wear it, not me. I want her to be comfortable."

Shawn gave him a pleased grin. "I'm proud of you. You're growin' up."

This brought a loud chuckle out of Jon. He reached over and put the teen in an affectionate headlock.

"Yeah, we've both done a lot of growin' this year."

---

"Jon, I really appreciate the thought, but there is no way I can wear this."

"It's the wrong size isn't it?" Jon was standing in the doorway of the bedroom where Audrey sat on the bed holding up his gift.

"No, actually, it's not." She peeked around the bikini to give him a curious look. "How did you know my size anyway?"

He came very close to blaming it on Shawn then realized if he couldn't talk to the woman he was going to marry about something simple like this, they were going to have problems later on.

He took a deep breath and said, "I took a look at your underwear while we packed. Got lucky with the top."

The top was what Audrey was holding up and looking at in dismay.

"What's wrong with it?"

Nothing was wrong with the suit.

Audrey slowly lowered the swimsuit and stared at him. He was already ready for their day at the waterpark; dressed in swimming trunks and a white button-up shirt that was unbuttoned showing off his buff physique. As ridiculous as it sounded, she could not help but compare herself to him. He was fit and, in her opinion, perfect. She was not and felt lacking next to him.

There was no way people thought they actually belonged together.

She didn't say this out loud though. Instead she held the suit out to him and said, "The colors wash me out."

Jon crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe, regarding her seriously. "Those are colors you wear all the time."

Her face flickered from its neutral expression to guilt and back again. Jon stepped inside the room and closed the door.

"Talk to me, Aud. What's wrong with the suit?"

"Nothing."

He arched his brow. "Somethin's wrong."

She said nothing but he could see the internal struggle she was having- it was written all over her face.

Jon pursed his lips together for a moment. He knew what the issue was, and he knew she needed to be the one to express it. "What is it?"

There was several minutes of silence as Audrey stared at her hands and the fabric she held in them.

Finally she said, "It's me."

He frowned slightly. "Babe, I don't understand."

"Jon, this suit is meant for someone curvy," she explained with a heavy sigh. "Someone who can fill it out. I can't."

Jon very nearly let a "have you looked in a mirror lately" slip out as he sat next to her.

While he didn't expect her to see herself the way he saw, he was hoping that she was becoming more accepting of herself. It troubled him even more that there was nothing he could say or do to convince her she was not lacking in any way.

But he knew he had to let her work through her feelings on her own so, as much as he wanted to "fix" things, he merely held her gaze for a long while then said, "How do you know if you don't try it on?"

She looked at the swimsuit as though it might bite her hand.

"I can't wear it in public."

Jon shrugged. "Not askin' you to. I just think you should try it on for yourself and I dunno give yourself some grace. You don't have to show me or anythin'."

She frowned at the suit then looked up at him before slowly nodding. He squeezed her hand then left the room.

Audrey sat on the bed for several minutes unsure of what to do. She could put the suit on and just not look in the mirror. Or she could just look in the bathroom mirror because her top half wasn't so bad; she didn't mind her arms.

She'd be okay as long as she avoided her problem areas in the full-length mirror.

She could put the suit on.

She could walk out of the bedroom.

She could walk past a crowd of people under the right circumstances.

But she could not let Jon see her.

A deep-rooted fear trapped her. A fear that if he should see her in it, he would be so disappointed that he would end up always thinking of the women he'd been with in the past and regret his decision to marry her.

She didn't know what to do.

Minutes ticked by and there was no sound from the bedroom. Jon wondered if she'd made it as far as trying on the suit or if she got stuck somewhere in between. As much as he wanted to walk in and see what was going on, he waited.

And waited.

Shawn watched him with an intense expression. "She's been in there for a long time."

"Yeah." He started to pace the small living area.

"I'm serious about skippin' the waterpark. I really don't care."

"I know." Jon stopped pacing and looked at his student. "I just wish I knew how far to push her; you know? She needs to do things like this, but I don't wanna end up hurtin' her."

"I know," Shawn sighed.

Jon resumed walking.

After fifteen minutes the door to the bedroom cracked open a sliver.

"Jon?"

He was at the door the moment he heard his name. Shawn stood up and watched curiously but otherwise stayed put.

Although she opened the door, she wouldn't let him in.

"I can't wear this."

"Hey, that's okay," he said, giving the door a slight push. She pushed back so he couldn't open it.

"Can I come in?"

Silence.

"Aud?"

The pressure on the other side of the door released. Gingerly he pushed the door open and found her hiding on the other side. She stood in the corner behind the door with her hair wrapped around her shoulders and her head down.

Jon felt a deep sympathy and heartache for what she was struggling with. It was hard to understand how she could not like what she saw in the mirror.

He certainly did.

He was also pleased to see her looking healthier than he'd ever seen her. There was no trick of the lighting this time. But it didn't matter when she was close to tears over it.

Reaching for her hand, he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't resist but she didn't look at him either. He held her until she relaxed then he lightly traced the length of her spine with his fingertip as he took in the warm softness of her skin.

"You are a knock-out." he said, kissing the top of her head.

He felt a small smile against his chest, and she exhaled her breath. He also felt her clutch his shirt anxiously.

"Okay," she said in an all too cheery tone. "If you like it that much I'll wear it. Guess I should put something over this so we can get breakfast."

Jon didn't miss the tone of her voice. He didn't miss the avoidance of looking directly at him. Nor did he miss the trembling of her hands as she let go of him and went to the dresser.

As she drew her hair around her trying to hide, he sighed unhappily.

She did look incredible, so much so it made his head swim. He struggled to keep his thoughts in check.. No matter how much he liked what he saw, he could not let her go out so full of fear of over a swimsuit.

Her mental health wasn't worth the risk.

Jon took off his shirt, walked up behind her, and draped it over her shoulders. He kissed the crook of her neck and buttoned the first two buttons.

"There's a place that sells clothin' and stuff just down the road. Shawn saw it on the Campgrounds map yesterday. They sell swimsuits. Why don't we stop there before headin' to the water park? You can pick out somethin' you feel comfortable in."

"But you like this one."

He nodded thoughtfully then winked at her. "We'll save it for the honeymoon."

A light blush flushed her cheeks as she turned around to give him a kiss of gratitude. He let his hands linger on her waist then kissed her once more before leaving the room.

---

For such a small store there was a surprisingly large selection of swimsuits to choose from.

During the search for the right suit for Audrey, Jon and Shawn learned that trying on clothing was a source of great fear for her.

Jon understood it from the point of it taking too much time to do, but he knew that was not the source of her anxiety.

Shawn did not understand it at all. Mostly because he didn't try on clothes at stores. His clothes were often hand-me downs from some brother or cousin or from the Good Will at times, almost never new. When he moved in with Jon, his teacher's method of sizing clothes for him was to hold the article of clothing up to him and say, "too small", "too big", or "close enough".

The problem turned out to be getting Audrey to actually try on the suit once she was in the dressing room. She would disappear with an armful of swimsuits in different sizes and refuse to come out.

At all.

There was no reason beyond "I hate it" given which made it hard for Jon and Shawn to try to find something else; they had no idea what to avoid.

To get the information needed they needed to talk to her which brought another problem: Audrey wouldn't come out and Jon couldn't go in.

"We should have brought Topanga with us," Shawn said, puffing his bangs out of his eyes. He stood in the middle of a round rack of clothing, leaning over the top of it.

Jon frowned in confusion. "Why?"

"She could go in and help Aud."

"Yeah," he sighed, "but we didn't."

Shawn disappeared abruptly into the clothes and reappeared at Jon's side. "It's not very busy," he remarked as he looked around.

"So?"

"Nobody's back here."

"So?"

"So, go in with her," Shawn said, annoyed Jon wasn't paying more attention to the situation.

"Shawn." Jon wasn't sure how to respond to this. "I can't. We'd be thrown out if I got caught. Or worse, arrested."

"Broth-er," he rolled his eyes, unimpressed by Jon's lack of chivalry. "No one's here and I'll keep watch."

Knowing what Shawn' attention span was like this did not instill confidence in him. "And if someone does come in what're you gonna do?"

"The crow flies at midnight," the teen said seriously, folding his arms over his stomach.

"What?"

"The crow flies at midnight. It means…"

"I know what it means," Jon said exasperated, "but what good does it do me if I'm in there and someone comes in?"

"You don't come out."

"Oh. Right." Jon blinked, unsure of how he missed the obvious.

When Shawn saw he was going to refuse, he leaned dramatically towards the changing rooms with his hand cupped around his ear. "I think she's cryin'.

He didn't actually hear anything, but it got the response out of Jon he hoped for. His teacher immediately disappeared into the women's changing room.

"Hey, Aud." He rapped his knuckles lightly on the door. "You decent?"

"Yeah," her voice was muffled but she didn't sound like she was crying.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, I guess."

He opened the door and quickly stepped inside. As he shut the door behind him, Jon realized he'd been conned again. He quietly laughed at himself for falling for it, then turned his attention to Audrey. She was sitting on the bench in a shimmery purple one piece staring down at the floor.

She may not have been crying, but she was close to it.

Concerned, he knelt in front of her. He placed his hands on the bench on either side of her and kissed her forehead. "What's up?"

"I hate changing rooms." Her voice was emotionless and her expression blank. "I just get comfortable seeing myself and then I come here and I just…" She looked up with a look of defeat in her eyes. "This is pointless, Jon. I'm not going to find anything. You and Shawn should go without me. I'll stay in the cabin and meet you at Dutch Wonderland when you're done."

"You will not," he said firmly. When she flinched slightly, he softened her approach and gently brushed her hair away from her face. "What is it about changin' rooms that's so bad?"

She pointed to the mirror and the lights then let her hands drop back into her lap.

Jon wrinkled his nose as he looked around. Looking back at her he saw what she meant. The lighting was harsh, and it made it look like she had dark circles under her eyes and added a hawkishness to her features that did not exist outside of that room. He assumed the lighting was made worse in the mirror.

After several minutes of talking to her and even taking his shirt off to show her the lighting wasn't kind to him either, he got her to stand up and show him the suit.

He loved it as the fabric had a wet look to it and clung to her like a wetsuit. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and hated what she saw.

Under no circumstances would she wear this one.

Jon refrained from arguing with her and nodded. "That one's out. You wanna try another one?"

She nodded hesitantly then looked expectantly at him. He stared back at her with a look of admiration.

Audrey shook her head and smiled slightly. "If you want me to try on another one you'll have to leave."

Jon frowned. "Goin' in and out is gonna attract attention. How about I just turn around?"

She nodded, already distracted by her image in front of her.

He saw this as he turned around and wondered if taking the mirror out of the equation would help. He stood in front of it with his head bowed so he wouldn't be tempted to peek behind him.

At Audrey's alert he turned around and remained firmly in front of the mirror.

"I can't see, Jon."

"I know. How do you feel about that one?"

It was a cute deep red one-piece with a halter top.

"I hate the cut."

This didn't surprise him as it was high cut. But he did like this one, even more than the purple one, and not just because of the way she looked in it.

"You remind me of Wanda Maximoff," he said with a smile.

Audrey looked up at him sharply. "Who's that? An ex-girlfriend?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Wanda Maximoff also known as the Scarlet Witch. She made her first appearance in X-Men number 4 in 1964."

Audrey couldn't help but laugh. She would be one of his superheroes. "Is that the comic book you taught on your first day?"

"No, that was Uncanny X-Men Volume 1, number 316." He reached out to her and took both hands as he admired her and the suit. "Wanda was not in that one. The comic this suit reminds me of is from Vision & Scarlet Witch number 1. Came out in '82. She got her first solo comic last year, but it was…not great."

He made a face as he thought of Wanda's suit and hair cut in that series.

She smiled knowingly. "But it's still in your collection under your bed. Or is it in the attic?"

"Attic, all of it," he chuckled. "The collection had to be moved; it unleveled my bed."

She shook her head then tried to get around him to see the mirror.

"Aud."

She looked up at him.

"Are you comfortable in that suit?"

She shook her head.

"Then there's no point in lookin' in the mirror." He pressed his back against the mirror making it impossible for her to get a glimpse of herself. "Have you felt comfortable in anythin' you've tried on?"

She turned and looked with uncertainty at the garments hanging on the hooks behind her. After a while she shrugged. "I really liked the bottom of the suit you got me. But not the top. I can't wear a bikini top."

"Hmm," Jon said. After a moment he said another set of words he never thought he'd say, "I think we need to consult Shawn."

"What about?"

He wouldn't elaborate. Instead he turned around again while she changed back into her street clothes. Before they left the room, Jon covered the mirror with a long shawl that had been left by a previous customer.

"Don't you dare take that down," he told her.

Shawn was not by the dressing room door but was instead hidden among the racks of swimsuits.

"Shawn!"

He jumped at his name and the back of the teen's head came into sharp contact with the bar of the rack of clothes he was in. Rubbing the back of his head he shot Jon a peeved look before walking over to him.

"Did you find something?"

"Half of something."

"Top or bottom?"

"Bottom."

"Which suit?"

"The one I bought."

"So we need a top."

Shawn turned to Audrey who was confused by the rapid conversation. "What do you want in a top, Mama?"

"Um, I didn't mind the halter top of the red suit."

The teen took the suit from her and studied it carefully. "Halter top with a sweetheart neckline," he murmured thoughtfully.

Normally, Jon would have asked how he knew that, but he didn't care if the kid was making names up as long he knew what to get Audrey.

Audrey put her hands on her hips. "What exactly are you two up to?"

Jon and Shawn exchanged smiles and nods then turned their attention to the swimsuits. Audrey stood back and watched them. Ten minutes later Jon and Shawn brought her a few items to try on. While they waited for her to come back, Shawn reburied himself in the racks.

"What are you doin'?"

Whatever the answer, it was lost in the hangers.

It didn't take long for Shawn to reemerge, holding onto something that reminded Jon of a towel. Before he could ask about it the frozen look of surprise on Shawn's face made him turn in the direction of the dressing room.

Standing shyly in the entry way was Audrey wearing a bright blue halter top with a sweetheart neckline. The shade matched the blue of the bottoms Jon had bought her. While the suit complimented her figure well, it wasn't the cause of their reaction. It was that she was wearing the suit in the middle of a store in front of them and did not look like she wanted the earth to open up beneath her feet.

Audrey's anxiety kicked into overdrive at their lack of response. "Uh guys?"

Jon broke out of his stupor first and smacked Shawn's shoulder with the back of his hand.

"I love it, Aud. You look great," he said, followed by a low whistle.

"Hot, Mama," Shawn grinned. "Very hot."

"Thanks," she replied almost shyly.

"How do you feel in it?" Jon asked as he walked over to her.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and shrugged. "I don't feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin."

"Hey, progress," Shawn pointed out proudly.

Audrey chuckled at this.

Jon put his arm around her. "You still don't look completely comfortable."

"I just need to get used to it."

"What about this?" Shawn held up a lilac terry cloth romper with a strapless top. "Lots of people wear covers up and this looks like regular clothes."

Audrey took the garment and held it up. "Yeah, I could try it."

She returned a few minutes later and was met with loud approval.

"That's cute," Jon remarked sincerely. He didn't miss that she wasn't wearing the suit underneath. "How do you feel in that?"

Her hands immediately went to her bare shoulders.

Jon and Shawn exchanged looks.

"I'm on it," the teen said.

By the time Audrey returned from changing back into her own clothes, Shawn was waiting by Jon with a short white terry cloth robe with blue and purple stripes in hand.

"I had one of these when I was a kid," she said with a fond smile. "It was white with orange and yellow stripes and green trim."

"In case you need more coverage," he explained.

"Thanks, sweetheart." She looked at Jon and back at Shawn. Taking a deep breath she handed it back to him and said, "But I don't think I will."

As Audrey headed to the checkout, Shawn looked back at his teacher before putting the cover up back. Jon motioned for him to add it to the pile.

Just in case.

---

"Do you know how many kids must pee in the pools here in one day?"

This was the announcement Shawn just had to loudly make when the family entered Duke's Lagoon. Audrey visibly reacted with a grimace and Jon reached around her to pop Shawn on the back of the head.

She did not need anything to discourage her from joining them in the water activities.

Shawn's response to the smack was to charge ahead into the park as though he knew where he was going. He did not know where he was going and ended up in the baby area where he got funny looks from the kids already there.

"Mom and I wanna relive the moments we missed with you," Jon teased him as the teen tried to escape the little kids who were awed by his presence. "But this is takin' it a little too far, don't you think?"

Shawn shot him a dirty look as a toddler tried to hand him a juice box. "I've never been here before," he replied grumpily. "And I forgot the map."

"They have maps here," Jon pointed out.

Shawn scrunched his nose up as he exited the splash pad as quickly as he could. "Yeah, not walkin' back and forth between the map and wherever you guys are. It's already gettin' too hot."

Jon glanced at the pool at their feet and gave Shawn a smirk. "I'll be happy to help you cool off anytime. Just say the word."

Shawn eyed him suspiciously and inched closer to Audrey.

Jon laughed at him and headed off to where he'd seen a map. From there, Shawn quickly planned out the day, careful to get the rides that would keep them cool but allow Audrey to stay in her coverup if she wanted to.

Jon was not thrilled with any of the rides Shawn picked out as they sounded too close to the rides he'd been hurt on at Action Park.

"These rides were tested for kids," Shawn remarked as though Jon was being unreasonable.

"So were the Action Park ones."

"Yeah, but I've never heard of crash test dummies being dismembered by any of the rides here."

"I'm sure we won't have any problems like we did there," Audrey reassured him. "I've been watching, and no one's been thrown off a slide or hit anything."

"Yeah, I guess." Jon made a face and pushed his aviator sunglasses up on the bridge of his nose.

"If you don't feel comfortable, you can always ride the baby rides. And Duke's Lagoon apparently has juice boxes."

Jon moved to pop him again, but Shawn was ready and dodged him easily with a smirk on his face. Jon shook his head and laughed, "Alright fine, let's get this over with."

The rides, of course, were nothing like the ones at Action Park. They were just the right speed so that Jon enjoyed them while Shawn and Audrey were mildly entertained.

Ultimately, there was not much to do at the Lagoon as it was just a small offshoot of the main park. After an hour, the family headed to a cabana Jon had reserved for them to eat lunch and discuss the rest of the day.

Jon settled into one of the lounge chairs while Shawn sprawled out in another. Since there were only two chairs, Audrey was left sitting at the dining table alone. Jon saw her watching them and held his hand out to her.

"Shawn's talkin' names, Aud, I think you need to be over here."

Audreywalked over to them and, after a moment's hesitation, settled herself on Jon's lap. Her bare shoulders pressing against his bare chest made her shiver slightly as an electric current ran down her spine. He noticed this and kissed her neck which only heightened the sensation.

"So," Audrey said, trying to ignore how close she was to Jon, "are these names you like or don't like?"

"Like," Shawn said, turning himself around so that his feet were propped up on the back of the lounge chair and his head was in the seat. As he watched the ceiling fan lazily turn he ticked off the names, "Chloe, Claire, Madison, Amber, Michelle, and Amelia."

"I like Amelia," Audrey said. "I had a friend at the Joffrey Ballet School named Amelia. We called her Mia."

"Amelia Turner," Shawn said thoughtfully. "Not terrible."

The mention of the school Audrey attended when she was a child sparked a conversation about famous dancers whose names she liked. This went on until Shawn became restless. Then they headed back out to the rides again.

The Pipeline Plunge had two slides that snaked around each other. The blue one was opened and allowed riders to see the path in front of them while the black slide was fully enclosed and very dark. Audrey waited for them, amusedly wondering if Shawn would be able to get Jon on the black slide. He must have because she saw Jon haul Shawn away from water after they got off the ride, furious the teen had tried to get the raft to ride the side of the walls using the principals he'd picked up from Jon's Action Park stories.

It wasn't possible to do it on the ride, but Shawn's attempts had given Jon traumatic flashbacks of the Cannonball Loop and he was not happy about it.

Before heading back to the main park, the family spent some time at a small wave pool. Until this point, Audrey had not taken her jumper off, despite being soaked several times. However, at the wave pool, Jon and Shawn's shirts promptly came off and were discarded at her feet. She gathered them up and absently put them in a nearby chair along with their towels with her eyes fixed on Jon. She was so caught up in staring at him, that she didn't realize she was taking off her coverup and adding it to the clothing pile.

Jon turned at the right moment to see her do this. It took tremendous effort to bring his eyes up to her face. She was smiling curiously at his reaction since he'd already seen her at the store. Caught, he splashed Shawn roughly to hide his embarrassment.

Jon wasn't the only one who had trouble bringing his eyes up to her face. Nearly every adult head swiveled when she walked over to join them in the pool.

Shawn, though he was proud of her courage, and the way she looked, quickly grew tired of the rude staring and thought Jon should do something about it. He was more than a little miffed that Jon wasn't interested in starting any fights nor would he let him start any.

The waves at the end of the pool were unimpressive and try as he might to make things interesting, it was difficult when his people were as wrapped up in each other as they were. Shawn caught Jon staring at Audrey multiple times and vice versa.

Tired of being ignored he scolded impishly, "Aw, c'mon! Go back to the cabin and get a room already."

Jon pulled his attention from Audrey and shot him a warning look.

Invigorated by the teasing that had been handed to him, he continued with a smirk, "Hey, Mama, why don't you come sit over here so your boyfriend can better view of you?"

Jon glared daggers at him. Audrey had been standing in front of him until Shawn called her over. He liked his view of her just fine and the kid ruined it.

In retaliation, he made a scoop out of his hands and dragged them through the water towards Shawn. When his hands broke the surface a surge of water splashed over the teen, drenching him completely.

Audrey waded over to them and got caught in Shawn's revenge. She was left sputtering and coughing from the water that was dumped over her. This sparked a furious back and forth of splashing water that took them further into the pool. They continued their fighting until one of the waves came up and took all three of them down.

They pulled themselves out of the water, laughing. Jon helped Audrey to the edge of the pool holding her much closer than necessary. Shawn grinned as Jon dipped his head to kiss her. When they finally remembered they weren't the only ones at the pool, Shawn gleefully snorted, "Seriously, if you guys could get through this trip without kissin' at inappropriate times…"

Jon gave him a pinched look. Audrey put her hands on her hips and gave Jon a secretive smile and a wink. "He's right, you know."

Instinctively Jon knew where she was going. "True."

"It's not right. We aren't being very good parents.."

"No, we aren't. Our kid actually likes bein' out with us in public."

"What do you say?" she asked, nodding at a very confused Shawn.

Jon looked at the teen and grinned. "I say we oughta fix that."

Before Shawn knew what was happening they surrounded him and got him with exaggerated kisses on the cheeks.

He stood between them with his hands on waist and didn't react.

Jon and Audrey exchanged surprised looks. Shawn saw this and remarked, "Was that supposed to embarrass me?"

He saw the look of disappointment on Jon's face over his lack of reaction. Remembering that they were supposed to be making up for lost time, Shawn decided to humor them. In a very loud whine he wailed, "Gross! You guys are so embarrassin'! Parents are the worst!" and promptly burst into peals of laughter.

Jon rolled his eyes and splashed him again.

Shawn grinned as he shook wet hair out of his face.

"Seriously," he said, looking pleased with himself. "If you wanna embarrass me, you're gonna have to try a lot harder than that. I'm shameless."

---

Back in the main park, the trio rounded out the day by going back to a few favorite rides from the day before and a few new ones. As the day went on, the heat grew, and the family was far more tired than anyone wanted to admit. Still they continued on.

Jon found himself constantly checking on Shawn as he couldn't help but wonder if the teen really was having a good time because the park really was for young kids.

The perpetual grin on Shawn's face said he was having the time of his life. There was no worry, sullenness, or melancholy in his features. In fact, Jon hadn't seen any of that since they left Philadelphia. He knew it was still there though; it had to be. Kids didn't have their ties to their biological parents severed so severely and not be deeply affected by it.

He knew that from experience.

But this was their weekend to forget all of that. The rest could wait until they got into family counseling.

Eventually the trio had to admit that they needed a break. Luckily, Shawn had the perfect ride in mind- the Sky Ride, a scenic fly over of the park.

Well, perfect for him and Audrey anyway.

Apparently Jon had an issue with heights.

"It looks like one of those ski lifts," Shawn said as their turn on the ride came up. "I thought you used to ski at all those rich people's resorts."

"I did."

"Don't those things go higher than this?"

Jon shoved his hands in the pocket of his swim trunks and made a face at the ride's seating.

Shawn eyed him worriedly then glanced at Audrey who shrugged. "You ride with him, Mama. In case he throws up."

The teen wasn't quick enough to dodge a smack to the back of the head this time.

The Sky Ride was a slow peaceful ride. The speed was just enough to cool its riders off and give them a chance to relax, which Shawn was taking advantage of. He almost forgot about Jon and Audrey.

Almost.

At the halfway point of the ride Shawn turned around to check on his people who were behind him.

He immediately burst out laughing.

Jon was leaning against the side of the cabin with one arm resting on the rail pinching the bridge of his nose. With the other hand he had a grip so tight on Audrey's thigh that Shawn could see the white imprints of his fingertips against her tanned skin.

"Hey, Mama," he called out with his eyes on Jon. "Are you gettin' any blood flow at all to that area?"

Audrey gave him a "knock it off" look while Jon opened his eyes enough to give him a dirty one. After the ride ended Shawn tried to find an "I survived the Sky Ride" shirt for Jon who did not appreciate the joke.

The rest of the day was spent checking out the various shows the park put on. Shawn wanted to be sure wouldn't scare a baby.

While the diving show Audrey chose to go to was entertaining, it was very wet since they sat in the red seats. Shawn noted they needed to sit farther away when the baby joined them.

He was completely unimpressed by Jon's show choice: Free Folk of Middle- Earth Show. Shawn was completely against this as he felt Jon was going to make him read Tolkien like he made him read Twain.

He absolutely was not going to waste the upcoming summer doing any reading.

While Jon and Audrey were amused by the show, Shawn was not and spent his time talking to an equally bored seven-year-old whose parents were happy to have their child whine to someone else.

The final shows on Shawn's list brought very strong reactions out of him. The Princess Story was a whole-hearted yes for his future sister. Bubba Bear, however, was most definitely out.

Shawn was under the impression that this particular mascot was a face character that roamed the park. He had no idea it was a frontman for an animatronic band a la The Rock-afire Explosion at Showbiz Pizza.

He had the misfortune of discovering this when the red curtains he was standing in front of to study his itinerary parted behind him and a voice with a Southern accent said cheerily, "Howdy folks." Thinking he was in someone's way, he turned to apologize only to find himself face to face with the commander of an army of animatronic animals. Bubba Bear was the biggest of them and the most terrifying.

"We're here to do our best to please ya," the chipper voice continued as the Bear grinned his empty grin.

Shawn was duly traumatized by this unexpected fear come to life. He already had issues with Billy Bob and Mitzi Mozzarella who had given him nightmares ever since he and Cory went to Ellis' birthday party at Showbiz when they were in third grade. Bubba was creepier than Chuck E Cheese and the entire Rock-afire Explosion band put together and his sister would not be going anywhere near it.

---

The remaining park hours were spent at the carnival games where Jon and Shawn competed to win Audrey the biggest prize. The victor was Shawn with a giant stuffed dolphin, Audrey's favorite animal. Jon claimed that Shawn was competing alone as he was always aiming for the little teddy bear holding a heart.

Shawn told him his bruised ego was showing.

Audrey, of course, saw no difference in the winnings and loved them both the same.

Later, at Shawn's begging, she allowed him to sample the various food carts they had missed the day before with the promise he'd leave room for dinner. As soon as the last bit of cotton candy and nachos were eaten, the little family headed back to the cabin, tired and happy.

Shawn settled down immediately at the kitchen table to add a string of new names to his list: Ziva, Zoe, Chloe, Madison, Amber, Michelle, Amelia, Kimberly, Heather, Gabrielle, Julia, Claire, Isabelle.

"Hey," Jon remarked looking over his shoulder at the list. "Kimberly?"

"Yeah."

"Like the pink Power Ranger?"

Shawn froze and a deep embarrassment overcame him.

There was no way Jon should have known he watched this. He was positive the man was asleep when it was on. Mortified as he was, curiosity got the best of him and he asked, "How do you know the Pink Ranger's name?"

It was Jon's turn to freeze in embarrassment. "I've caught a few episodes when nothin' else has been on," he stammered unconvincingly.

Audrey overheard him say this as she walked out of the bedroom to join them. "What are you talking about?"

Although he should have been reassured that watching the kids show wasn't a big deal if his teacher watched, Shawn wasn't and blurted out, "Jon watches Power Rangers."

"So do you," he snapped, worried about what Audrey would think of him. Comic books were one thing, this show was an entirely different matter.

"Oh, yeah?" Audrey did not seem surprised by the revelation. Instead she surprised them by adding, "Trini's my favorite."

Jon and Shawn stared at her with their mouths slightly open.

It took a moment for things to settle in his mind and once they did, Shawn threw his hands up in annoyance. "If everyone here watches Power Rangers why have I been hidin' in the closet with the portable tv at seven in the mornin' every Saturday?!"

"That's what you've been watchin'?" Jon asked in amusement. "With the way you act, I thought it was Barney or somethin'."

Shawn ignored him and held his thumb and forefinger millimeters apart. "That screen is so small; I have no idea if Kimberly was replaced by a different actor or by an ant."

"There's a movie version coming out next month," Audrey said as she went to the refrigerator. "Do you guys want to go if we can find the time?"

Jon and Shawn looked at Audrey in surprise then quickly turned to downplaying any interest they had in the movie. She said she would just go by herself and Jon and Shawn immediately changed their mind.

Audrey rolled her eyes.

Shawn resumed reading his list.

"I've also added to the list of names my sister absolutely cannot have," Shawn informed them. "Katherine, Brenda, Christine, Gwen, Valerie, Janine, Melanie."

Jon made a face. "Why do those names sound so familiar?"

"They're your ex-girlfriends!" Shawn and Audrey said in unison.

Jon blinked and stared at them for a moment before saying defensively, "Brenda and Gwen are not ex-girlfriends. I dated them once."

Shawn put his hand on Jon's shoulder. "Brenda Turner. Gwen Turner."

Jon shivered, shaking his head with a look of horror as he backed away from the table.

---

Jon and Shawn had planned ahead to allow Audrey to make one more meal, so she didn't feel like everything was out of her control. She already knew that tomorrow she was not allowed to do anything that resembled work.

So she made the last meal memorable: fried chicken, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes, and strawberry shortcake.

The cabin was filled to the brim with the aromas of a home-cooked meal and a warm coziness. Conversation was slow with large bouts of silence, but it was a content stillness. Afterwards, Shawn and Jon helped Audrey clean up before heading to the couch for some television.

It was while watching the Tonight Show with Jay Leno that the contentment was upended by a sense of foreboding Shawn couldn't shake.

He turned over on his back to look up at his people. Audrey was snuggled up against Jon who had his arm around her absently kissing her hair from time to time. With one hand she massaged Shawn's head and with the other she massaged Jon's wedding ring finger.

Everything was perfect.

Too perfect.

Shawn turned back on his side and stared at the television screen.

Everything had been going too well since February. September really, but it was his fifteenth birthday that brought them together as Jon and Audrey began to "not date".

Thoughts, memories, and emotions collided and churned within him. He began to feel numb as he tried to understand his feelings on everything that had happened in the last year.

Since Chet left, he'd prayed and hoped and begged for him to come back, to come get him, for them to be a family.

Now he had a family. One he'd always dreamed about.

He had everything Cory had. Maybe a little more since he was the focus of their attention and would be until his sister came along. Cory, being the middle child, never had that.

To live a life just slightly better than his best friend was incompressible to Shawn now that he really thought about it. Things like this just didn't happen to him.

Nothing good ever happens to Shawn Hunter.

And yet it was happening.

Next weekend they would take the next step towards making it permanent.

His prayers had changed since February; he now prayed and hoped and begged that Chet would stay away.

Far away.

And that he wouldn't find Virna.

He didn't want anything to take away what he'd always wanted.

To be like Cory whose biggest worries were Topanga, grades, and not having marshmallows in his cereal because Morgan ate them all.

To be normal.

He just wanted to be normal.

The only way to be normal was for his biological parents to stay away.

Melancholy settled over him as his brother Eddie came to mind.

He tried not to think of his half-brother, but what happened to him was what now feared would happen to him.

He was pretty young when Eddie went to live with his grandmother for a reason he never understood. Shawn couldn't remember how long he was gone; it seemed like forever to him.

Then, after an explosive fight with Chet, Virna left.

Chet stayed with but he was angry, always complaining and grumbling about all the work to be done. He sent Shawn out once to mow the lawn, but he was only six and had yet to get a growth spurt to make him tall enough to safely push the mower. Chet sent him out anyway and Shawn tried his hardest to do what he had seen Uncle Mike do to start the machine.

A woman from a trailer several places down drove by and saw him trying to pull start the engine. She jumped out of her car screaming at him to stop like he was trying to steal parts from the thing. Shawn was so startled he accidentally started the mower. The shock threw him to the ground, and the machine took off on its own causing the woman to shriek more.

Chet staggered to the door of the trailer, shouting about the screaming. The woman turned her attention to him and started yelling all sorts of nasty names at him. She threatened to call DCFS.

It wasn't the first time the social services had been called and Shawn didn't want to go through that again. So he lied and said he was just playing with it. Chet went along with it screaming at him for being stupid and trying to get himself killed.

The woman didn't buy it.

Police showed up.

They left as usual having bought whatever story Chet dreamed up.

Shawn stayed inside from that point on, and Chet's complaining grew. Retrieving beer cans for him all day wasn't enough. He needed more help around the house.

Then one day when he was nine, Shawn came home from school and there was Eddie out in the yard with the mower. He gave Shawn a nasty glare as he walked by and spat at him. Chet wouldn't allow any questions to be asked. He just yammered on for two days about how happy he was that he had his boys back together and that they were going to be a real family again.

It was several years later before Shawn learned the full truth of what Chet put Eddie's grandmother through. Shawn sided with Chet at the time because Chet was his father, his blood.

He loved him and didn't have anyone else.

Virna was absent again.

Then she came back, somehow they managed to do well enough to move to Cory's neighborhood.

It didn't last of course.

The good times never did.

Shawn chewed on the skin around his thumb as anxiety crashed over him.

As he lay with his head on a pillow on Audrey's lap, he clung to her hand instead of letting her rub his head, seized with an overwhelming fear that Chet would come in the middle of the night to take him away from them just like he took Eddie from his grandmother.

When Jon called it a night and shut off the television, Shawn tried to convince him to let them sleep on the couch together, but he was quietly reminded about their plans for the next day.

Mother's day.

The fear increased as they told him goodnight and went to their room.

---

"Did Shawn seem upset to you?"

Jon nodded. "I assumed he was thinkin' about Virna and worryin' about it. With Mother's Day bein' tomorrow I don't know how he's not."

"Yeah, probably." Audrey stopped what she was doing and looked at the reflection of Jon in the mirror she stood in front of. She sighed, "I hope just worry is all it is, and nothing actually happens."

"Yeah," Jon sighed too. "me too."

Audrey gave him a sad smile before disappearing into the bathroom. Jon took the opportunity to change his clothes as well. When she returned in her purple night shirt and shorts, Jon let out a low, appreciative whistle. She blushed and took the hand he offered.

"I love you," he whispered as he brushed back her hair and kissed the soft skin just below her ear.

She shivered as she leaned into him, smiling dreamily. "I love you, too, Jonny."

"It's amazin' how easy it is to say those words now. No effort at all," he grinned against her neck.

Audrey wrapped her arms around him and stood on the balls of her feet to kiss him.

"You need more practice."

He laughed. "In what? Kissin' or sayin' 'I love you'?"

"Yes," she answered teasingly.

In a quick sweeping motion, Jon had her off the floor in his arms, and over to the bed. Gently, he settled her onto the mattress and pulled the covers up to her waist before settling in next to her.

Tracing his finger down her arm, he said softly, "Busy day tomorrow, babe. You should sleep."

"I guess so."

He let his fingers slide underneath the hair at the back of her neck and rubbed the pressure points at the base of her skull. Her eyes began to drift close, jerking open every so often as she fought to stay awake.

It was a battle she lost.

He continued to rub her head as she sank into the pillows. He took one hand away to adjust the pillows around her so she could lie down properly. Her breath evened out and before long she was sound asleep. Jon tucked her in as she turned on her side and snuggled against one of the pillows. He left a lingering kiss on her shoulder, then stood up and left the room.

Jon stepped into the living room and saw Shawn sprawled out on the futon without it being pulled out into a bed.

He wasn't asleep.

"Hey," he tapped the teen's shoulder. "Busy day tomorrow. You need sleep."

Shawn grumbled something and half-heartedly pushed himself up. Jon frowned and took him by the arm. "C'mon, sit over there and I'll fix the futon."

Shawn stumbled over to the coffee table and sat down while Jon got the bed ready for him. When he turned around to tell him he could go to sleep now, he saw Shawn's red rimmed eyes.

"Hey, you okay, Shawn?"

He shrugged and stared at the futon. "This all seems too good to be true, ya know?"

Jon paused as his mind touched on everything that had happened in the past year. "Yeah, I do. Wanna talk?"

Shawn shook his head and stifled a yawn.

"Get to bed, kid." Jon said as he guided him over to the futon.

Shawn dropped heavily to the mattress and flopped on his side. Jon took the covers and put them over him before leaving. Just before he reached the bedroom door he hear an anxious whisper,

"Jon?"

He looked over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

The briefest look of fear flashed across the teen's face. "Nothin'," he said, flopping back down.

By the time Jon made it back to the futon, Shawn was pretending to be asleep. He pulled a kitchen chair over to the bed and sat by the teen's side, rubbing his head similar to the way he had rubbed Audrey's. He did this until Shawn was actually asleep then he made his way back to the bedroom.

Audrey was still in the same position she was in when he left. The desire to climb into bed next to her and hold her was overwhelming, but he pushed the feeling down, and climbed into his own bed.

One day things would be different.

One day very soon.

---

"We should go mini-golfin' again," Jon said.

The abrupt change from the memory to present threw Audrey and Julia off, but Shawn was right there with him.

"Is Wonderland Golf still operatin'?"

Jon nodded. "Yeah and expanded some too. Aud and I've checked on it every year because every year we plan on takin' the kids, but something always comes up."

Shawn looked at Julia. The intensity of his gaze made her uneasy and she looked to her mother who was watching her husband closely.

"We could go now," Jon said. "It's not even a two-hour drive."

"There are a lot of mini-golf places in Philly," Audrey said with deliberate slowness. She knew there was something behind this sudden suggestion, but she wasn't quite sure what it was. "We could pick a place that can accommodate us all that wouldn't be such a long drive. I'm sure Cory and Topanga and all the kids would like to go too."

Jon and Shawn exchanged looks.

Jon cleared his throat. "I was thinkin' just the four of us."

"What about our other kids?"

"We could take them some other time."

"We haven't managed to do that yet."

"Yeah but this is why."

"What is?"

Jon took her hand and held it between his. "We were supposed to go back to Dutch Wonderland with Shawn and Julia. Shawn spent the whole time we were there plannin' for Jules to go with us. By the time we had her, Shawn was gone. We couldn't go back without him."

Audrey stared in silence at her husband with her mouth slightly open.

It was possible, she supposed, that subconsciously they both avoided going back because Shawn was missing. There were certain events, like Julia's birth, where his absence was felt more strongly than at other times.

Jon thought she was about to change her mind and he shot Shawn a subtle triumphant look. Shawn nodded with a slight smile.

Immediately, Audrey knew what was going on. Rather than jump on either of them for attempting to delay the inevitable, she tipped her head to the side and said thoughtfully, "We could go tomorrow."

"No, now." Jon and Shawn said in unison confirming Audrey's suspicion.

"It's getting late," she said. "The place will be closed by the time we get there. Then there's the drive back."

"We can stay the night. Maybe in the same cabin we stayed in last time."

"You have to book those months in advance. We've looked into it before, Jon."

"Oh," his face fell. "Right."

"There are hotels close by," Shawn reminded them.

Audrey looked back and forth at the men. "You cannot be serious. No."

"Aw, c'mon, Aud," Jon said irritably. "Don't be like that. It'd be fun."

"You," she said, pointing a pink manicured finger at him, "Just got out of the hospital and haven't any significant time to recover. Plus, we are working through a very difficult time in our family history. We are not going to drive to Lancaster to play mini golf tonight."

"I can't believe you're bein' like this," he snapped angrily.

"Are you kidding me, Jon?"

This startled Shawn and he looked up to see Julia standing behind Audrey looking upset over the disagreement. Shawn shook himself from the desperation to avoid the past, realizing that Jon and Audrey were headed for a big argument that would only make things worse.

"She's right, Dad, we can't go tonight."

Jon looked betrayed.

Shawn shoved his hands in his pockets. "Lancaster is what four hours from the City? Maybe the four of us come down after the baby is born and do the whole park."

Angrily Jon shook his head, silently walked into the kitchen and turned his back on all of them.

Worried, Shawn and Julia looked to their mother for what to do next.

Audrey stared at Jon, her lips pressed into a thin line. After several moments she walked over to him and stood behind him. Rather than say anything, she ran her hand up his back and stood on the balls of her feet to kiss his neck.

"This morning you wanted to come back and deal with this," she gently reminded him.

"I know," he said, hanging his head. "It's too close now, Aud. I don't wanna do this anymore."

"What is this about exactly? I understand why Shawn doesn't want to look at what happened after we came back from that weekend, but we've talked about that moment several times over the last seventeen years."

He sighed heavily. Audrey could see the vein across his temple standing out the way it did when a migraine was coming on. She brushed her fingers over his temple.

"Like I told Shawn earlier, I don't wanna go through that night again. It's not necessary to Shawn's healin' and it isn't gonna do me any good either. But there are things I can't fully explain to him without goin' back."

She pressed her lips into his shoulder.

"I can't relive that night, Audrey. It was the darkest night of my life. I just can't do it."

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Thank you so much for reading and for your comments. They are so very much appreciated.