Autumn In Philadelphia Trilogy

by Mercedes Aria

Book III Saudade: The family returns to Philadelphia for Spring Break. Jon and Shawn finally sit down and explore the reasons for their estrangement with everyone who was there.

73. Saudade: I Never Sang for My Father

Notes: I keep using the phrase "nothing good ever happens to Shawn Hunter" throughout the Return and Saudade but I'm not sure I've ever explained why. If you followed the development of "Girl Meets World" you may know where it's from- Michael Jacobs himself.

In June 2013, during a reunion panel with the cast, Jacobs talked about what might happen to Shawn on GMW.

"Nothing good happens to Shawn, that's all I can tell you. Rider reacting to the hurdles that keep growing is what I think is compelling about Shawn. Rider once said something—and I really take to heart everything that these people say—'I keep Shawn in the cellar, and every once in a while, I'll go down and I'll visit him.' And I thought to myself, 'Boy, even Rider keeps Shawn in the cellar,' so I think nothing good is ever gonna happen for Shawn." -Huffington Post, 'Boy Meets World': Rider Strong Hated Watching Himself Play Shawn Hunter, June 25, 2013

---

The moment that name was uttered aloud, Audrey stopped the story abruptly as a strange rush of unwelcome anger and hurt overcame her.

All the time she had been pushing and prodding Jon and Shawn along to this moment, she had treated it as though she was an observer of events rather than a participant. She and Jon had talked about what happened several times over the years and at some point, she had become numb to the situation where she was involved and was able to discuss it without any emotion at all.

Jon, on the other hand, never got to that point.

Now, with Shawn and Julia sitting in the same room with them, the floodgates were opened, and she felt everything at once. She was stunned by how strong the emotions were as her mind jumped ahead to what happened next.

"Ow! Mom!" Julia yelped in pain as Audrey's once gentle stroking of her hair turned harsh and painful.

Startled, Audrey quickly released her daughter's hair, unaware of what she'd been doing. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"Do that to her, not me," she grumbled, rubbing her head.

"I'd love too," Audrey replied, surprising everyone in the room.

Jon took her hand in both of his while Shawn and Julia exchanged concerned looks.

Shawn had not seen Audrey like this before. Worriedly he said, "I think we need a break.

Audrey said nothing.

Losing control of her emotions like that concerned her. Jon and Shawn needed her to be in control as they navigated these memories. They were now entering that territory where she was removed from the situation. They had to deal with it alone the first time around, and they could not do it without her again.

Especially Jon.

Gathering herself as best she could, she glanced at Jon's watch and nodded in agreement. "We need to eat."

"What about Chinese takeaway?" Julia asked, eager to get away from the past for a while. "You guys had it so much when it was just the three of you so maybe we could have while it's just the four of us."

In order to make up for her outburst, Audrey let go of her strict no takeaway during the week and agreed. No one was in the mood to leave so Jon ordered in. While they waited, Audrey busied herself with preparing a sleeping area for Julia. She left the living room to go to Jon's old bedroom and get the bedding for the air mattress.

Shawn watched her go, then got up and followed.

He found her standing in the dark in front of the old dresser with her hands on the top and staring at something he couldn't see.

"Hey, Mama," he said softly.

Audrey looked up at his reflection in the mirror with a blank expression. "Hey, hun."

"You okay?"

She turned to face him and held her hands out. "Okay-ish," she sighed. "Today's been full of emotion I wasn't prepared to deal with."

"Yeah," Shawn said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was surprised Julia brought up the baby. I kinda thought if someone was gonna make that blunder it'd be me."

"It wasn't a blunder. We talk about her every so often." Audrey's eyes teared up as she reached out a hand to his cheek. "She was supposed to be born in February."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

She nodded. "Right around your birthday, too."

"Oh," he said, feeling queasy at this revelation. His math as a kid had been right after all. "Wow."

"So every February we remember both of you."

Shawn closed his eyes. The impact of his selfishness as a teen continued to be much deeper than he ever dreamed possible. He really never thought he could possibly matter that much to anyone or affect their lives years after he was gone.

Audrey saw the look on his face and took his hand. "Stop it," she commanded. In a softer tone she said, "We'll be able to celebrate in February again now that you're home. But Julia bringing the baby up wasn't what was unexpected."

Shawn looked at her curiously.

She sighed, took a step back, and wrapped her arms around herself. "I really thought I'd let go of my resentment and anger towards Katherine."

He was surprised to hear this, considering how nonchalant she'd been about the whole thing when he first returned home. "You had me convinced that you did. You had me convinced you didn't remember her. I never understood how you possibly could have forgotten her."

"I chose not to think about her," she said with a shrug. "And if Jon and I talked about what happened back, then I pictured Melanie Clifton in her place."

Shawn stared at her, dumbfounded. He struggled to come up with a reason for remembering any ex-girlfriend like that. "Why?"

"I don't have a problem with Melanie," she matter-a-factly. "I told you she came back after Jon and I were married, didn't I?"

He nodded.

"She actually came back right before Grayson was born." A look of annoyance flickered over her face. "I wasn't happy about her showing up with no warning, but we ended up talking quite a bit about that week she took over the apartment."

Audrey moved around Shawn so she could sit down on the bed.

"While her motives were selfish, most of it was driven by fear," she explained. "What she didn't tell Jon back then was her parents had cut her off entirely. Yes, she still had the BMW, but she was on the verge of losing it because she couldn't afford the upkeep. When she saw how well things had turned out for him, he became a safe place to land. Given their history, she thought he might want to get back together, and he could take care of her. She also said she knew early on that Jon had changed too much for things to work out. She wanted to get married, but she wasn't interested in having kids and she did not want to be a mother to a teenager who didn't like her."

"Huh," Shawn said, taking a seat next to her. "So, she did wanna ship me off to boardin' school, didn't she?"

Audrey nodded and made a face. "And didn't consider where the money would come from to pay for that expense. But yes, that was her plan. Melanie did apologize to Jon for her behavior and wanted to apologize to you, too."

She shifted her position several times trying to get comfortable. "You know, it was your father who was at fault for her staying a week. Melanie said she really had no idea about me. She said Jon would start to mention me then shut down. She was never sure who he was talking about. If she had known, she wouldn't have stayed."

"Easy to say in hindsight," Shawn said, still not sorry he drove Melanie out when he did. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "But you don't have a problem with her now, so you pretend that it's her when you talk about what Kat did. Does that really help?"

"It sounds ridiculous, I know," she admitted sounding embarrassed. "But picturing the face of someone I don't have a problem with helps me keep my emotions in check."

Shawn arched an eyebrow at her. "So, you did remember Katherine and everythin' the whole time?"

"Yes," she sighed. "It was easier on Jon if I acted like I didn't. And I really would prefer to pretend she doesn't exist. We've talked about what happened after she went to the board several times and that was fine because she was out of the picture completely once Jon's hearing was over. But the last time we talked about her was ten, twelve years ago.

"It's just those couple of days you avoid talkin' about then?"

"Jon always gets so angry, and so would I which upset him more and he needed me not to be upset. That's why I started picturing Melanie if we got near those topics even if we didn't actually talk about Katherine."

Shawn nodded solemnly.

"I think some of my problem now," Audrey mused, "is I can't really remember what Melanie looks like."

"Seriously?"

"It's been ten years and Jon doesn't have pictures of her." She paused then said, "I don't know what's going to happen with Yancy or your mystery texter if it's not him. I do know we have to get past this stuff with Katherine so we can start planning for what might happen. Jon's not ready to hear it yet, but you and I need to go over everything as soon as possible. I'll take it to Jon the moment I think he can handle it."

Shawn started to sigh in relief. Before he could she added, "And you can tell him everything."

He rolled his eyes and wondered what exactly he could do to get her to tell Jon for him, short of getting into a motorcycle accident himself.

"I need a few moments," she said giving his hand a squeeze. Then she stood up, handed him the sheets, and directed him back to the living room.

---

Shawn returned to the living room, and, with Julia's help, moved the coffee table out of the way to make a place for her mattress.

Takeaway showed up early to everyone's surprise including the young man who delivered it. While Audrey busied herself with the food, Shawn lingered in the kitchen with her while Jon stayed close to Julia.

Under Audrey's direction, Shawn set out the plates and napkins. He could hear Jon ask Julia what bedtime story she wanted to hear and her surprise at the question. He knew it had been a long time since Jon had taken time to read to any of the kids other than Bella.

"You know what I want to do after this is all over?"

Audrey's voice cut through his eavesdropping.

"What Mama?" he asked, setting the chopsticks on the trays.

"Get your father a classic Corvette."

This came out of nowhere as far as Shawn was concerned and he didn't bother to hide his surprise. "A Corvette? Why?"

She grinned as she opened the carton of fried rice. "The Boss not only heavily influenced Dad's taste in music and motorcycles but cars, too."

"I did not know that" he said with interest. He was only vaguely aware of Springsteen's association with the car. "What kind of 'Vette are we talkin' about?"

"A tuxedo Black 1960 Corvette."

Shawn knew what the car looked like. While he wasn't exactly a gearhead, he did have an appreciation for classic cars. And the Corvette, specifically the C4, was the car of his childhood and held a special fascination for him.

Same car, a couple of decades apart.

Shawn was no longer surprised by these commonalities.

"You know," he said thoughtfully as he filled his plate. "I can't picture Dad in a "Vette. Even though I've seen him drive the Yukon, I just can't see him with anything other than a Chevy truck or a Harley."

She laughed and it immediately struck Shawn how hollow it sounded.

She's tryin' too hard to be our ray of sunshine, he realized. To be our Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins?

Mentally he facepalmed. As much as Shawn adored his younger siblings, he was very worried about what was happening to his taste in the media when a Disney movie was the first thing that came to mind.

"Your dad may be a professional married father of six," she said. "But he still has a rebel heart."

Shawn caught her reference and smiled. "Uh, I thought Rod Stewart was your guy," he said.

She winked at him. "I know a few things about Dad no one else does."

As if on cue, Jon, with Julia, walked over to join the kitchen table after Audrey failed to call them for dinner.

"Only feedin' Shawn tonight, huh?" Jon teased her. Like Audrey's laugh, Jon's sarcasm sounded hollow.

"Yeah," Shawn replied, trying to help keep the mood up. "When's your food comin'?"

Julia's eyes met his and sparkled mischievously.

"It's right here," she said snatching Shawn's plate from him before he could react.

"Hey!" he shouted in genuine annoyance as he took off after her.

"You guys are going to make a mess!" Audrey cried unhappily as she watched chicken lo Mein slosh across the plate.

Jon put his hand over his mouth to hide his smile at their antics.

Julia darted down the hall towards Shawn's room. Just as he managed to catch her and yank the plate away from her, she asked out of breath, "Is it working? Are they distracted?"

He glanced over his shoulder at their parents. "Yeah. I think so. Mom's not findin' it as funny as Dad, though."

"She never does." Julia rolled her eyes. "But you're here, you can clean up."

Shawn's attention was still on Jon and Audrey when she said this. "I can what?"

Julia dashed past him. Instinctively Shawn reached out to stop her like he was playing Red Rover. The plate went skittering half-way to the couch with lo Mein and fried rice flying everywhere.

"What has gotten into you two!?" Audrey was not amused by the antics. She glared unhappily at them with her hands on her hips.

Julia looked appropriately shamed. "Sorry, Mom. I just kinda thought we needed a laugh to break things up."

Shawn stood by Julia's side. "Yeah, sorry. We thought a distraction would be a good thing."

Before Audrey could say anything, Jon stepped in. "It would have worked better without the flyin' food. But have a laugh while you clean it up. Both of you."

The siblings rolled their eyes in unison.

After her frustration subsided, Audrey had to agree that their antics were humorous and she couldn't help but wonder once again what it would have been like, what Julia would have been like, if she could have grown up with Shawn.

Once the two troublemakers finished cleaning up and got their own food, the conversation shifted to stories about hockey and figure skating, photography, and writing.

And their grandfather.

Audrey listened. She enjoyed the banter, but she was uneasy about not getting past that last night they were all together.

Was there enough time to do it before they all needed sleep?

Technically, yes.

But continuing now would likely keep them all up and they needed sleep in order to deal with Katherine's impending arrival. While debating what to do, she absently checked her messages. There was one from Topanga that she'd missed.

A cold anger came over her as she read the message.

Using the baby pushing against her bladder as an excuse to leave, she went to Jon's bedroom, then shut and locked the door.

Topanga answered on the second ring.

"Sorry I missed your text earlier," Audrey said as she settled on the bed.

"I knew you were going to be busy," Topanga responded. "How are things going?"

"We made it 'Home'."

Topanga knew exactly what she meant. 'Home' was one of those stories Cory had retold a thousand times after Shawn first told them what happened all those years ago.

"Are you going any further tonight?"

"I'm not sure. I don't want to push Jon too far."

Topanga sighed and Audrey could almost see her playing with the ends of her hair. "I hate to bother you now but Kat's on her way and I'm not sure how to explain Tippy being here."

Audrey put Topanga on speaker and searched her text messages briefly. "Eli didn't text me," she murmured.

"Is that unusual?"

"Under the circumstances, yes. I'm not sure they've actually left yet."

Topanga was quiet for a moment. "Why lie unless she's trying to catch us off guard?"

"I think that's what she may be doing." Audrey pinched her bottom lip between her thumb and finger as she tried to predict Kat's next move. "Can you and Cory get out of the house for a couple of nights?"

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"In case, she does show up. We aren't ready for her yet."

"You think she'll come to the house first, don't you?"

"I do. Getting to Jon is all she can think about," she sighed. Then she said, more to herself than to Topanga. "I wish Eli could give her bad directions or something to give us more time. But I know she's done her research about where your parents live."

"Do Alan and Amy know about any of this?"

"Amy knows about Katherine and her behavior on the job but not much else. It might be a good idea to let them know that she's overstepping her secretarial duties and will expect to stay with them even if it means kicking some of us out."

"I can totally see her expecting that, too," Topanga muttered. "I'll talk to them and Cory as soon as he and the kids get home. Once we decide where we'll be staying, I'll let you know."

As soon as she hung up the phone, Audrey texted Eli.

Have you left yet?

She didn't expect to hear from him right away.

---

She was taking too long.

While the kids talked, Jon kept a close eye on the door to the bedroom.

He checked his watch.

Ten minutes had stretched to fifteen minutes.

If she were having problems, she would have called him by now.

Concerned that talk of the miscarriage had more that she could handle, Jon gave her exactly two minutes more before he got up and went after her.

Slowly, he opened the bedroom door and peeked into the room. She was sitting on the edge of his old bed in a room Shawn had also gotten eerily accurate in décor of the past.

She was staring down at her hands in her lap. The glow of the phone screen lit up her face.

"Aud?"

No response.

"Hey."

Audrey looked up at him, slightly startled. She quickly smiled but not before he saw the troubled look on her face.

"What's goin' on?"

She gave a short shake of her head as he took a seat next to her. The phone on the bd next to her caught his attention, It was shorter and thicker than hers in a black case.

Her case was silver and teal glitter.

Jon frowned and shrugged. The room was dim as only the light that came from the bathroom provided illumination.

He may not have seen the phone correctly after all. And she did change cases all the time.

More concerned about her reason for leaving them and not returning, he gently bumped her shoulder with his, then leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs.

"Talk to me, Aud."

She leaned against him, looking defeated. "I'm just angrier than I thought I'd be going over all this."

"Good."

She gave him a funny look.

"Look, Aud, your lack of reaction to things can be a little unnervin', you know? I know you like to stay in control of yourself but it's kind of nice to see you react."

"I don't like the feeling of not being in control," she admitted. "Reminds me too much of the days before I entered treatment."

Jon tried not to react to this admission, but it worried him that her thoughts were headed down that path again. "You have the copin' techniques," he gently pointed out.

"I'd rather not use them if I can avoid the reason for them," she said determinedly.

A small smile turned up the corner of his mouth. "Stubborn," he chided gently.

She glanced at him then shook her head. "Not nearly as much as you."

Jon watched her quickly check her phone again then he leaned back slightly and gave her a light pinch on the thigh.

The smirk on his face confused her and she gave him a quizzical look.

"You remember the first night we spent in this room alone?" he said in a hushed voice.

"You would bring that up." Audrey rolled her eyes as she struggled not to laugh. "Yes, I remember."

Jon leaned back on the bed until he was resting on one elbow. "You came back with me to help me get ready for the school year since I had done nothin' all summer. But you... you weren't much help."

"Oh, really?" she said, sounding surprised. "I'm the one who did your first three weeks of lesson planning."

"It was the least you could do," he grinned impishly. "Because of you, we ended up spending most of our time in this room. Or did you forget?"

"I remember," she laughed with a shake of her head.

And she did remember.

Very well.

Jon tugged at the hem of her shirt. "I was so annoyed when the alarm rang on the first day teachers had to be back. I did not wanna get up."

"You didn't get up!" she reminded him with a playful tease in her voice. "It wasn't until George called wanting to know where you were and why you were an hour late to the first meeting that you bothered to move."

"It was your fault I was late," he replied. "Do I need to remind you why?"

"I remember!" she grinned and swatted at him.

As he pushed himself up to kiss her, the phone went off again. His lips just barely touched hers when she turned away to check the phone again.

Jon was momentarily stunned then he sat up fully and asked, "Who's textin' you, Aud?"

Audrey froze, caught and unsure of what to do. Lying wasn't an option as far as she was concerned. However, given everyone's emotions at the moment, telling Jon that Katherine was on the way wasn't the best solution either.

"Aud?" His tone was no longer playful but suspicious.

"Eli," she said finally.

Jon's expression turned serious. If it were just Eli texting her, she wouldn't hesitate to tell him. But ever since she'd returned from visiting that old motel with Shawn, it seemed like she'd been holding something back. And it was something, he assumed, she felt would upset him enough she worried about a return to the hospital.

"And?" he prompted when she offered no explanation.

She stared down at her screen for a moment then said, "He's coming down to see us."

Jon shifted his position on the bed so he could see her face better. She tried to pull her hair between them, but he stopped her by tucking it back behind her ear and pushing the length over her shoulder.

Her reaction didn't make sense. Eli visiting even when they were out of town had never been a problem and he didn't think Shawn would be bothered by it either.

Again, she offered no explanation.

He inhaled a deep breath then let it out slowly. "So?"

The moment the word left his mouth he saw the look of irritation flash across her face. Not irritation with him, but with the text and he realized what Eli's arrival must mean.

"She's comin' too, isn't she?" he snapped. He balled one hand into a fist and wrapped his other hand around it.

Audrey pushed her lips out still struggling with how much to tell him. Finally, she set the phone to her side, took his hand, and nodded.

Jon swore under his breath as he tried to restrain the anger that flared up.

"She emailed you about it while you were in the hospital. Shawn was checking your work emails," she explained. She felt her voice catch as she left out how he was checking them and hoped Jon didn't notice. "I knew she was planning on it I was just hoping Eli could convince her to stay away."

"What's the point?" He snorted in disgust. "Why does she think I wanna see her on my vacation?"

"She wants to double date at Bear Creek Mountain Resort."

"A double date?"

"Without me."

Of course, she would, Jon thought in disgust.

"Like I'd go anywhere without you. Why would she think I would?"

"She's always been delusional where you're concerned," Audrey replied. "I think she's convinced you need her."

"Yeah," he spat angrily. "To do the job she was hired to do. Not your job. I can't deal with her, Audrey. I won't. If I have to..."

She shot him a worried look. "What?"

"You're gonna have to bail me out of jail instead of a hospital," he said glaring at the floor.

Even though he was serious, the wording made her laugh abruptly and shake her head. Then seriously, she said, "If she does show up, Shawn's going to have to handle bail. I'll be sitting next to you."

Jon gripped her hand and grunted. "What did I do to get everyone to come after me now?"

Audrey shrugged. She wondered about the same thing many times since this all started. "I don't know."

"I don't get it." Jon sat up straight and slapped his thigh with the hand that wasn't holding onto Audrey. "We were all at John Adams High twenty years ago. How is it that you and I moved past high school but Kat and Yancy are still stuck there? Who wants to stay in high school forever?"

"I don't know," she said with a heavy sigh.

She didn't like this conversation. Not only was Jon getting too worked up over it, but it was also bringing her dangerously close to flat out lying to him about what she knew.

The lie of omission was bad enough.

Audrey now realized that the moment she dreaded most was here- Jon had to know everything that had been going on. She put her hands over her face as though trying to push the overwhelming emotions back inside.

Jon took her hand again and pressed the back of it to his lips. "At least Eli will be with her," he said resignedly. "When are they supposed to be here?"

"I'm not sure. Eli said he hasn't been told much of anything, just to be ready to go when she is."

"She hasn't changed at all, has she?" he snorted. He sighed. "It's so strange that he's datin' her now that I think about it. They didn't even like each other back then."

"Eli's grown up a lot since then," Audrey said with a small shrug. "But he's still fun and charming."

"Eli's a catch, I agree. But what about her? She's exactly the same."

Audrey frowned and wrapped her arms around his. "Maybe. But maybe not. I mean we really don't know her."

Jon stared at the door for a moment then swore under his breath. "She's comin' here..."

She nodded.

He shook his head in disbelief. "Can you imagine Kat in the Matthews' livin' room surrounded by the kids with all the family names they throw out?"

Audrey closed her eyes. "No. I can't."

They sat in silence for several minutes, then Jon said darkly, "I don't want her here."

"Neither do I."

"What do we do?"

Audrey pressed her chin into his shoulder. "We get pass that night so she can't use anything that happened back then against us. Then we go back and deal with her."

Jon shot her a skeptical look. "Can we do that all before we have to go back?"

"We don't have much of a choice."

"Tomorrow's gonna be a long day," he said in resignation.

"I know," Audrey said. "I've already made arrangements with Amy for the younger kids before we left. For the next twenty-four hours it's just the four of us."

---

Dylan barely made it into the living room before another stifled scream of frustration exploded from the kitchen. Eli sat on the couch, absently flipping through the tv channels. He glanced up at the teen when the stressed cry came again.

"What is it this time?" he asked as he went back to channel surfing.

Dylan shrugged and wandered over to the couch. "Mom's frustrated that her emails to Mr. Turner keep bouncing."

"Oh?" he responded lightly, repressing a smile. He could guess the reason for that.

"Yeah," Dylan stopped at the coffee table and stared at the magazines stacked on it. "Personal and school ones won't go through. She thinks Mrs. Turner did it because Mr. Turner would never block her."

He rolled his eyes.

It amused Eli that Kat thought this, and he sincerely hoped she was right.

Dylan didn't look happy about this idea, however, which struck Eli as odd. "You don't agree?"

The teen shrugged again as he sat down. "I think Mom's reading into a bunch of things where Mr. Turner is concerned."

Eli paused what he was doing and looked at him curiously. "Like what?"

Dylan shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know why he said anything except that the longer Eli was with them the more upset he became with his mother's constant talking about "Jonny" and complaining about Mrs. Turner when her boyfriend wasn't around. When Eli was with them thoughts of the strange clothes in his mother's closet and those photos from the 90s wouldn't leave him alone.

That album was now locked in a bottom drawer in his mother's office where she frequently shut herself away in when Eli wasn't around. It drove him crazy that she did this, and he didn't know how to cope with it.

He often wished he could talk to Eli about it and that he would be like Mr. Turner once was with Shawn when he lived with him as a teen- patient and understanding.

And maybe he'd let him stay with him until this all blew over.

His situation was kind of like Shawn's based on what Eli had told him. His mother's boyfriend was basically the one taking care of him while his mother was off doing whatever.

And his father was...also doing whatever.

A weight settled on his shoulders and caused them to slump forward.

Now was his chance to tell Eli about the photo album. He figured he knew about the strange clothes since he slept over frequently, but there was no way he knew about the pictures.

The downside was knowing that Eli would dump his mother.

And him.

But he'd opened his mouth, so now he had to suffer the consequences of doing it without thinking.

Summoning up what little courage he had, Dylan asked, "Do you keep pictures of your exes around?"

What Eli thought was a change of subject caught him off guard. "You mean pictures of my ex-wife?"

"No, ex-girlfriends. From a long time ago. Before you were married."

Eli leaned forward trying figure out where Dylan was going with this.

"Nah, got rid of those once I decided to get married." He paused as he tried to remember what those exes even looked like. "I mean, there might be some exes in group pictures, but not just of them or us."

Dylan fidgeted with his watchband. "Would you think it's weird for your ex-wife to have an album full of pictures of one ex-boyfriend that she pulls out to look through all the time even though the ex has been married for a really long time and she's dating someone?"

Eli was unable to respond as he tried to unravel the hidden message behind the question. He knew Dylan was anxious about their relationship, often apologizing for acting like he was his son when he got too comfortable around him. But the question didn't make any sense. Dylan had never met Trina and he knew for a fact she wasn't seeing anyone. Trina would also never go for a married man.

As he was puzzling this out, he studied the teen's face. Dylan's expression was contorted with anxiety and uncertainty.

This has to be about Kat and Dylan knows something he wishes he didn't, he realized. If this was about Katherine, then it also had to be about Jon.

"Yeah, I'd think it's real weird."

Another frustrated shriek came from the kitchen. Dylan sank his fingers into the front of his hair and held on tightly.

"Why doesn't she just text him?" he asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

Dylan shrugged. "She says Mrs. Turner has his phone."

Eli arched an eyebrow at this since he knew Audrey did not have Jon's phone. "Really?"

"Yeah, Mom says Mrs. Turner is controlling all of her husband's devices and online access."

He found it interesting that Kat automatically assumed that Audrey would do what she would do in a relationship.

"What do you think?" he asked.

I think if I were on my own and she texted, called, and emailed as much as she does, I'd block her too, he thought dourly. Or at least filter them to another folder so I wouldn't have to look at them unless I wanted to.

Instead of voicing this, he said, "I think it's none of her business."

An abrupt laugh escaped him, and he tried to hide it as a cough. Eli quickly recovered and asked, "What's this about photos of ex-boyfriends?"

Dylan regretted bringing the album up. He was positive he would now be stuck with his mother on the trip to Philadelphia and forgotten as soon as they arrived. No way would Eli go with them now.

With a resigned sigh, he stood up and motioned for him to follow.

They were almost at the office door when Katherine shouted at them to get their bags into the car; they were leaving for Philadelphia.

NOW!

She didn't even see they were right next to her when she stormed by the office on the way to the staircase.

Eli rolled his eyes at her dramatics as Dylan pushed open the door and shut it behind them.

He didn't miss that he locked the door.

Dylan went to the small bookcase next to the desk and pulled out a book. Inside the book was a key. He put the book back, then knelt down and unlocked the deep bottom drawer of the white metal desk. He reached inside and pulled out an emerald faux leather photo album embossed with gold detailing and text that read: My Photos.

He put it on the desk and stepped back.

Eli stepped forward and opened it.

Silently, he turned the pages. As he did, his frown deepened into a disturbed scowl. The first third of the album was nothing but pictures of Jon in various settings. They were some of the most mundane pictures he'd ever seen.

Why in the world does she have photos of Jon eating, cooking, sleeping, reading...doing nothing?

The next third of the album was nothing but locations. He recognized many of the places as he knew them well. Some were at John Adams High: the cafeteria, the teacher's table in the cafeteria, the gym, Jon's classroom, his desk. Then there were pictures of the old apartment, his bedroom, his bed, his closet, and his clothes in his closet.

Eli turned past these photos quickly as there was something incredibly unsettling about them.

Strangely enough, there were only three photos of Katherine and Jon. And Jon didn't look very happy in any of them.

Kat did, however.

Very happy

"Mom's written a book on the back of each of those," Dylan said glumly.

Eli glanced at him then back at the album. He declined to read any of the writing; the photos were disturbing enough.

The pictures of the 90s ended but the album went on.

The last third was filled with news articles on Jon. From a report on his accident in 97, his promotion to principal of John Quincy Adams. And every article that was written on him since he became superintendent.

Eli shook his head.

Audrey had all these articles, too, but at least her collecting them made sense.

The last of the album's pages were filled with much more recent pictures of Jon.

Too recent.

He put his finger on one of the pictures that was oddly narrow-like it had been cut off abruptly. He knew the picture had been taken when Jon and the family went to the Bahamas.

Audrey should have been in this photo, and he suspected she had been but was removed.

"How did she get a hold of pictures of Jon on his last family vacation?"

"Mrs. Turner's Instagram page," Dylan told him. "She checks it constantly." At the look of outrage on Eli's face, he said, "It's weird, I know."

"It's more than that," he murmured as he closed the book and took a step back.

He gave Dylan a sympathetic look. He couldn't imagine what it must be like for him to see this.

Taking a page out of Jon's "how to talk to teenagers" book, he asked, "How do you feel about all this?"

The teen shrugged then rubbed his arms like he was cold.

"I don't think what I feel matters," Dylan said dejectedly. "It didn't matter the first time."

This caught Eli's attention and made his reporter senses tingle. "First time?"

Dylan froze and internally cringed as his mouth had without cluing in his brain into what it was going to say yet again. He knew if he told Eli about his mother's history with her exes and their new relationships he would not stick around.

And he didn't blame him.

He just wished Eli would take him with him.

He looked up at the older man with a pained expression. He didn't want to go back to being overlooked and alone, but he had too much respect for Eli to keep holding back what he knew. He didn't deserve to get caught up in his mother's revenge plan and needed to get out.

Even if it meant being left behind.

With a sigh of resignation, Dylan pulled out the desk chair and suggested Eli have a seat. As soon as he sat down, the teen told him everything he knew about what his mother did to his father and his girlfriend.

---

Shortly after they exited the office, Kat, without so much as looking at them, began barking orders at Dylan to help her pack the car.

They were heading to Philadelphia immediately.

Eli leaned against the doorframe between the kitchen and living room, watching Kat give orders to Dylan while ignoring him.

He crossed his arms over his chest as he tried to remember what she was like when she was dating Jon.

The first time Jon told him about Kat, he was as infatuated with her as he'd ever been with any woman. Half of what he said didn't make sense and that made him want to meet her right away.

He and Jon had always had a friendly rivalry when it came to dating.

Especially each other's exes.

The second time Jon told him about Kat the infatuation was clearly dying down. It was a month into their relationship and Kat was already talking about moving in. He asked about meeting her, but Jon seemed uncertain.

About everything.

Eli fully expected the next call would bring news of a breakup.

When the next call came weeks later, he was stunned that it brought talk of marriage. Especially since he still hadn't met the woman.

And that was a necessity. He and Jon were a package deal essentially. A significant other would have to accept the constant presence of the other one. It was an unspoken requirement.

The fourth time Jon talked about her, he was frustrated that she walked out on him when Shawn showed up on his doorstep in trouble, not once but twice. The second time, he was particularly upset because his student had been brought to his place by the cops and rather than stay and support him as his girlfriend and fellow teacher, she chose to leave him on his own to figure out what to do.

And this came on the heels of her telling Jon she wanted to have children with him.

When Jon offered to take Shawn in, the weight of responsibility of caring for another human being sunk in almost instantly and he got a frantic call from Jon in the middle of night as though he could somehow help.

When Jon told him about Katherine's reaction, he thought he and Shawn dodged a bullet with her. He then to him to call Richie who would know what to do. Jon didn't respond to this suggestion. Instead, he hung up on him and called Alan Matthews.

After that phone call, he assumed Jon and Kate were permanently broken up and he didn't think about her again.

Then, after losing his job at the local news station and being unsuccessful at finding a new one, Eli ended up crashing on Jon's couch for a few days. He met Kat unexpectedly early one morning when she came over to "steal" Jon for the weekend and mistook him for Shawn's babysitter.

Even after she was told multiple times that he was not anyone's babysitter and never would be, she still tried to push Shawn off on him so Jon could be free for a day. Neither he nor Shawn appreciated this, but it did give them something to bond over.

As time went on, Eli struggled to understand why Jon was so desperate not to be alone that he would get back together with someone who was pushing for marriage so hard when he made it clear that he wasn't ready. It was even more confusing given that Jon never had to be alone if he didn't want to be.

Kat was hardly his only option.

Jon never talked to him about Kat after that. In fact, he avoided mentioning her at all.

That suited him just fine as once he got to know her- the real her- he couldn't stand her.

She was sweet in the beginning, very charming and engaging. After a while Eli let his guard drop and accepted her friendship advances. For a while, he thought they were friends. Then he began to get suspicious about some of the things she was telling him, especially when he overheard her in the halls at school telling others very different versions of what she'd told him.

This happened frequently.

Whenever he called her on it, she had some tragedy that had befallen her and made him feel like scum for thinking poorly of her.

Before long, she began to plant seeds of doubt in his mind about the stability of his relationship with Jon. Little things that seemed to line up with what Jon did or said.

Jon wasn't interested in doing things with him anymore, she said.

Jon had things in his past he needed to heal from, and Eli didn't help him do that.

Jon would do so much better if Eli would just leave him alone.

For good.

When she attempted to use very personal things he'd mistakenly told her against him, he realized how highly manipulative she was. Then he witnessed the nasty side of her when Shawn was around, and Jon wasn't. He didn't bother to hide how much he disliked her. He was thrilled when Jon dumped her and turned his attention to Audrey.

Eli watched Dylan bring the luggage downsides under Katherine's sharp glare and snorted in disbelief over the events of the last few weeks.

How did he end up dating this ex of Jon's?

Dylan returned to the living room for the fourth time only to be immediately marched to his room for a final check to make sure he hadn't left anything behind.

Eli sighed.

Trina was the reason.

That night out with Jon messed with his head and after Jon went home to Audrey, Eli found himself wanting nothing more than to go home to Trina.

Except that he couldn't.

Kat came along at the very moment he needed to forget his ex-wife.

Stunned, he realized he had not just hit rock bottom, he'd fallen through it.

He almost wished he hadn't forgotten Trina that night, except forgetting her led him to this story he was sitting on top of and since it had to do with Jon, he was happy to go undercover.

And perhaps get a little personal payback in the process by exposing her.

Dylan came back into the living room and gave him a funny look. The car had been packed. The apartment had been secured for an extended trip out of town and Kat had not said a word to Eli.

Biting back his irritation Eli stepped out into the middle of room and said lightly, "Hey, baby, what's up?"

Kat looked up at him startled as though she really had forgotten he was there. That look flickered across her face for just a moment then was replaced by the Stepford Wife smile.

"Just getting everything ready for our vacation."

Eli lifted his chin slightly and regarded her coolly. "I'm not ready."

The smile glitched. "Dylan and I took care of everything for you. We're all ready to go."

"Are we?"

Kat's expression broke and she grunted in frustration. "Yes, I had Dylan feed your fish."

Eli didn't react to this though he found it curious that she thought this would be the most critical issue to him.

He also knew Dylan had done no such thing.

As for Dylan, he stood awkwardly next to his mother confused by her statement and unsure of what to do.

As for the fish, they were fine. He'd arranged for a co-worker who was an aquarist to come over a few times while he was gone to take care of them and fed them himself before he left his place.

"Well, I suppose we should get going," she said a little too brightly. As soon as she turned her back on him, she promptly forgot about him again.

Dylan remained where he was unable to meet his gaze. Eli stepped over to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay," he told him.

The teen looked up at him guiltily, then quickly looked away.

"I took care of them, Dyl, don't worry about it."

The teen visibly let out a breath and looked queasy.

"Your mom doesn't like fish, does she?"

"No, she hates them," he said wrapping his arms around himself. "I don't know why."

Eli shook his head and affectionately patted the teen's shoulder as Kat called from the outside,

"Eli, I forgot my travel steamer. Will you get it for me?"

Travel steamer?

He rolled his eyes as he turned away from Dylan and called back, "Where is it?"

"In my closet."

Eli didn't miss the startled look on Dylan's face, nor that the teen made a quick exit to join his mother. He frowned at the reaction, then turned and headed up the stairs.

Asking him to get something from her closet was stranger than lying about the fish being fed.

Kat had a weird hang-up about the closet. She kept it locked and insisted on his clothes being kept in the closet in the guest bedroom, which made getting dressed in the morning inconvenient.

As he passed the guest room, he remembered his gym bag was on the bed. A strange feeling passed over him and he felt the compulsion to stop and grab the bag.

Kat's room was across the hall.

He approached the bedroom door with apprehension and wondered why Kat was letting him into the closet suddenly.

She kept the door locked.

It was not locked now.

Briefly he wondered if he'd been wrong about it being locked but he knew he was not imagining that she would not let him keep his clothes in it. That feeling of foreboding he had at Jon's place when he went to retrieve the key to the District Office was back and much heavier. Suspiciously, he pushed the closet door open and turned the light on.

The closet was narrow but surprisingly deep. Kat's clothes were on the left-hand side. A quick scan of that side did not turn up the travel steamer, so he turned his attention to the other side.

What he saw made him freeze in bewilderment.

The clothes on the opposite side of the closet were men's clothes and it only took a glance for Eli to know who would wear these clothes.

Jon.

He swore under his breath as he took a closer look. The clothes had no tags on them, but they were clearly new and waiting to be worn.

Kat had replicated Jon's closet pretty well.

The photo album and all those pictures of Jon's closet from the Philly apartment came back to him and he shivered.

Then it gave him an idea.

He pulled out his camera and started taking his own pictures.

As he reached the back of the closet, he pulled out a random t-shirt to take a photo of it. It was a Ranger's t-shirt from the 1994 Stanley Cup win that read "Now I can die in peace". Audrey bought him the shirt to commemorate the win back in '95 around Shawn's birthday. This wasn't Jon's shirt, however. Jon's shirt was signed by the Stanley Cup winning team.

This one was not.

Shuddering, Eli remembered why he was there in the first place. He turned his attention to finding the steamer and found it laying on the wicker blanket basket in the back of the closet.

As much as he wanted to get out that closest and the apartment itself something compelled him to look at "Jon's" side again. Snapping pictures indiscriminately, he took a series of photos before he realized what he was taking pictures of: another familiar article of clothing that Jon wore all the time.

The leather jacket.

Stunned, she could find a replica of that jacket; he pulled it off the hanger and held it up. As soon as it was out in the light, he felt sick.

It wasn't a replica.

It was Jon's actual leather jacket, shredded and torn.

The one stolen from Audrey's side of the closet.

A thousand thoughts tried to fly through his mind, only to be silenced by shock.

There wasn't one appropriate word he could come up with to describe how he felt about the clothing he held in his hands. Never had he been at a loss for words in quite this way.

To jumpstart his brain, Eli examined the back of the jacket. As he gingerly put his fingers through the ribbons of torn fabric, memories of the accident came flooding back.

It was Audrey who called him to tell him what happened just as he was getting off work. Her voice was so calm and cool as she told him everything, she knew that it scared him. He didn't know her very well then and didn't know that this coolness was a sign she was falling apart internally.

She asked him to stay with Jon until she could finish getting her father's affairs in order and get to Philadelphia.

She also begged him to get the jacket.

He left immediately.

Audrey told him Jon was in critical condition, but for some reason he didn't believe his brother was in that bad of a state and expected Jon to be awake and talking by the time he got there.

He was not.

Unable to look at Jon, sedated, in casts and bandages, and hooked up to various beeping machines, Eli turned his attention to something he thought would be easier to look at: the leather jacket.

Why he thought the jacket would escape the wreck without damage when Jon did not, he wasn't sure, but seeing the leather so torn up with the hydraulic brake patch barely attached drove home just how bad this was.

He held onto the jacket for Audrey and, once she got it, she did not let it go. He always thought it was bad for her mental health to keep the jacket, but he later learned it had been Richie's at one time and letting it go was too much for her.

At least she stopped wearing it once Jon woke up.

Eli stared at the jacket and slowly shook his head.

He understood Audrey's attachment to it, but not Kat's. There was no logical reason for her to want this mangled mess.

This thought made him cycle back to how she got it.

She was a part of the break-in, he realized with horror.

He nearly dropped the jacket.

Recalling what he knew about the robbery and the state Jon and Audrey's bedroom was left in, Eli found more questions than answers.

Whoever broke in had the key and the security code.

Kat had a penchant for taking keys and making copies he knew so she could have gotten his key to Jon and Audrey's place, but not the security code. He had that memorized and never had it written down anywhere to be stolen. She had never asked for it and he certainly never volunteered the information. Which meant there was more than one person involved.

Eli sucked in a slow breath and let it out in a low whistle.

The things she did back in their John Adams High days were escalating.

Why though?

One thing was certain: this story was getting tabloid weird.

He opened his text messaging app to send the photos to Audrey but immediately thought better of it. Since he wasn't sure if they'd made it further in their trip to the past since her last message, he didn't want to upset her or Jon and decided to wait until he could talk to her in person.

Furious with Kat and what she had done to his family, he didn't want her to have Audrey's jacket a moment longer. Eli put it in his duffel bag and zipped the bag up. With Kat's steamer in hand, he exited the closet.

As he was leaving the room, it occurred to him that he was on top of a much bigger story than he thought.

And a potentially dangerous one.

The reporter's instinct told him to cover his own tracks, so he wasn't outed before he could get the full story. Since this started, he'd been backing up his communications on the cloud, but now he felt it was best to get rid of everything on his phone. He deleted not only all messages to and from Audrey but also Kat.

Then he swapped the names in his contacts so it would appear he wasn't in contact with Audrey as Kat would stop communicating with him once she got to Jon. It wouldn't do much if she looked too closely at the numbers or messages, but he was banking on the fact that she would be too focused on Jon to pay attention to his phone.

Once that was done, Eli couldn't get out quick enough.

The sooner he reconnected with Jon and Audrey the better.

---

"Shawn! I can't breathe!"

Julia was caught between Shawn and the back of the couch. Her face was smashed into his shoulder as they tried to fit into the same space by Audrey.

"Yeah, this just isn't gonna work without a bigger couch," Jon replied, watching Shawn wince as his ear pressed into Audrey's knee. He sat in his normal spot with his wife wedged up against him as uncomfortable as he was.

Shawn squirmed as he tried to get comfortable. The baby was taking up all of Audrey's lap space and the couch was too short to scoot down and lay beside her. Having Julia crammed into his back didn't help matters.

Jon tried to tell the kids there was no way they could recreate the traditional family cuddle pile with a thirty-three-year-old and a fifteen-year-old.

They had grown.

The couch had not.

"Huh," Shawn said, "the couch shrunk. Weird."

This made Julia giggle. Then she put her foot on his lower back and gave him a push. "Move, brother. I can't breathe."

Shawn shot his hand out to brace himself against the coffee table as he nearly fell. "If you couldn't breathe you wouldn't be talkin'," he grumbled.

Julia gave him a stronger push just as he was trying to roll over causing him to lose his balance. He slipped and hit his tailbone much like he did that weekend at the cabin.

"If you couldn't breathe, you couldn't have done that either." He shot her a dirty look and rubbed his rear as he got up.

"Sorry," she grinned at him.

He snorted, gave her feet a shove and promptly sat partially on her. Sibling squabbling ensued and, for a short while, the years melted away and they were a family of four. Unfortunately, the current years caught up with all of them except for Julia and the adults needed sleep.

Jon and Audrey had a short tussle over who was taking care of whom, a matter that was unresolved as they entered the bedroom. Shawn had a feeling Audrey would win since he could tell Jon was on the verge of really annoying her.

While Julia took over the bathroom, Shawn busied himself straightening up the kitchen even though Audrey had left it spotless. With nothing to actually do, he leaned against the table and looked at the apartment.

This had to be a dream.

There was no way he and Jon and Audrey were in this place together with his baby sister.

Not after all these years.

No, rather than reliving a past that never happened, he must be living a present that wasn't occurring, he decided.

"Nothing good ever happens to Shawn Hunter" was so ingrained in him he often felt that someone had written his life story in such a way as to doom him to a never-ending cycle of misery.

The reality was somewhere in his life when he was very young, someone had put this idea into his head. The memory was vague, but he remembered a teacher had spoken these words over him. It was perhaps not those exact words and was more like "nothing good has happened to Shawn Hunter" or "nothing good will happen to Shawn Hunter" that was actually said. Whatever the original phrase was, it stuck in his head as "nothing good ever happens to Shawn Hunter".

And it was so apart of his core that he was undeserving of good things happening to him that he lived it out for over 30 years. In those moments when something good did happen to him, he was unable to accept it and, in most cases, actively rejected it.

Just like he'd rejected Jon for so long.

The ultimate good.

Shawn sighed and let his chin drop to his chest. When he looked up again, Chet Hunter stood in front of him, looking very much alive.

He froze in shock.

He hadn't seen Chet since he'd been home.

His biological father leaned lazily against the couch. His plaid shirt unbuttoned down to the fourth button so that his white beer-stained t-shirt showed. These shirts were tucked into faded blue jeans.

Chet stared at him with glassy eyes.

"So now you know what happened to Teach," he said in a gruff, almost accusatory tone.

Shawn narrowed his eyes at the apparition. "Yeah, I do."

The corner of Chet's mouth twitched. "You happy now?"

"Gettin' there."

Chet stared at him impassively. "Tell me, Shawnie, is Mr. Perfect, Joe Cool, everything you imagined him to be?"

Shawn didn't know how to respond.

When Chet showed up post-death, he was always humble and contrite with a wisdom and grace he did not have in life.

The snippy, critical bite to his words now threw him off.

When he didn't answer, Chet threw up his hands. "You wish he'd been your dad instead of me don'tcha?" He swore at Shawn. "I did the best I could for you, Shawnie! I had my own problems. You weren't the only one who never had nothing good happen to him. You think life was easy for me? It wasn't! I did all I could do. Couldn't do nothing else."

This is what Chet was like when he was alive, making every situation about him and never taking responsibility for anything he did. Shawn's eyes narrowed as the old familiar feelings of anger, resentment, hurt, and fear rose up in him.

"Yes, you could've," he snapped back.

Chet's glared at him. "How?"

"You could've come back and talked to me, told me the truth- that you were happier without a wife and kid. Happier with the alcohol than with me. Then you could've left me with someone who cared about me!"

Chet swore again and turned away. When he looked back, his eyes were red-rimmed and angry. "You adored him! He could give you things I couldn't. I could never compete with Teach. But you were my kid! I deserved the adoration you gave him."

Shawn paused and reminded himself that this was not the real Chet. However, that fact made this encounter even more confusing as he was no longer in control of it.

Chet was going off script.

Way off script.

And it pulled his thoughts past Katherine and losing Audrey to losing Jon. Those feelings that had been dredged up from the depths of him exploded through the surface.

"Then why did you agree to let them adopt me and then come back and say no?! Why did you let me go to New York to get Mom and then lie to me about Dad and that nurse?!"

His words hit Chet and instantly drained all color from him. He withered into a sick old man. "You callin' him Dad now? You gave him my name?" His voice was weak and trembling. "That's why, Shawnie. Without the stories I had nothin'. You loved him more. Stories were all I had to keep you with me."

Shawn rejected his pity party. Jabbing a finger at him, he said, "You were my father. I loved you because of that. It was never a competition. I wanted you and I wanted you to be with me, but you keep puttin' your wants and your problems over me. Your actions said the opposite of your words! You loved yourself more than you ever loved me!"

He took a moment to inhale a breath then continued, "You wouldn't let me go back to Dad, but you kicked me out of the house to live with a brother I barely knew!"

Chet withered further, shrinking in height and girth. "Blood is everything," he said defensively. His voice was thin and hollow. "That's why I wanted you to live with Jack. So, you would get to know him." He tried to step towards Shawn but stumbled. Gripping the back of the couch with one hand, he reached the other out to his son. "Shawnie, we can still be a family. You and me, father and son. We'll get Jack too if you want. Hunters, we stick together. I'll stick around this time. I promise."

Shawn snorted in disgust. "Last time you made that promise you got out of it by dyin' on me."

In previous encounters, Chet was always the one to walk away with a joke and a smile. This time, Shawn turned his back on him in silence. When he turned back around, Julia was standing where Chet was, looking confused and just a little bit scared.

"Shawn?" she asked in a hushed voice. "Mom and Dad are in bed and you're not on the phone. Who are you talking to?"

He stared at her feeling as though he'd been caught doing something awful. While Cory had always known about "ghost" Chet and Audrey more recently, he was still afraid of his sanity being questioned if anyone else found out.

Julia stared at him. Worry and concern shined in the eyes she'd inherited from their mother.

Unsure if his sister would understand, he tried to rationalize the fear she wouldn't away. Kids made up imaginary friends all the time. Hopefully, Julia did the same at some point.

"Chet," he admitted after several moments of awkward silence.

She glanced over her shoulder with a frown then looked back at him. "I, uh, thought he died?"

Shawn took a deep breath then explained sheepishly, "After Chet died, I started imaginin' him bein' with me. Showin' up in those moments I need him most to give me advice I badly needed. You know, all those things he never said or did when he was alive, but all those things Dad did and would have done and said if I'd just gone home."

Julia tipped her head to the side and regarded him with sympathy. "You wanted to Chet to be Daddy the way you wanted Virna to be Mom, huh?" she said softly.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I used to imagine Dad, but he wasn't gone. It hurt too much to think about what he would do or say. I got to the point where I couldn't think about him unless I was in a place so dark I needed him and Mom to pull me out of it. Chet was easier to imagine, I guess. He couldn't come back and disappoint me anymore than he already had. But if Dad turned out not to be who I built him up to be and not with Mom..."

Julia nodded her understanding. "I'm sorry Chet let you down all the time, Shawn," she said walking around the kitchen table to stand next to him.

"Thanks, sis." He paused for a moment then said, "You know I've done this so much- brought him back from the dead to be the father I wanted him to be, the one he should have been, the one Dad is, that now he just shows up even if I don't want him to. I can't stop him, and I hate it. I wish he'd leave me alone."

"You want me to yell at him?"

Shawn was speechless by the offer. Even more so by the fact that she was absolutely serious. This seemed like a very Cory thing to do, yet Cory had never made the offer.

Julia didn't wait for an answer. She turned him to face her and grabbed his shoulders. Standing on the balls of her feet, she put her nose against his and held his gaze with a frighteningly intense glare.

"Hey," she snapped angrily. "You there, Chet! You leave my brother alone, you hear me? You had your chance, and you blew it. He's ours now and you can't have him. Get lost and don't ever come back! Or I'll tell our dad about what you're doing to Shawn!"

Her threat to tell Jon was so intense and sincere that Shawn could not do anything other than laugh.

Julia grinned: mission accomplished.

As they laughed, something broke off in Shawn's spirit and allowed it rise above the darkness of the past and Chet.

While Chet's voice reverberated in his head, he did not rematerialize for the first time since he'd died.

Shawn hugged Julia tightly as tears began to roll down his cheeks through the laughter.

He wasn't free, not yet.

But he was one step closer.

---

Eli slowly descended the stairs to the main level of the apartment. He was in no rush to return to Kat after the discovery he made in her closet.

Jon's jacket was in his duffel bag. He'd taken the precaution to lock the bag as he didn't trust Katherine not to go through his things. He did not want her to know what he knew just yet.

The living room was quiet.

Too quiet.

"What's in the bag, E?"

Kat's voice startled him, and his skin crawled at the way she said his nickname. He took a moment to compose himself then turned to face her with a faux smile.

"Oh, just my gym gear," he said, feigning cheeriness. "You know, don't wanna let myself go, even though we're on vacation."

She slid up to him and snaked her arms around the arm that was holding the bag. Her hand slid down to the handle and stopped to rest on his hand. She looked up at him through half-closed eyes. "Your discipline is one of the things I love about you."

Eli struggled not to gag at the word "love". To distract himself, he shifted the bag to the other hand. She immediately let go and moved to that side. Eli blocked her attempt to look at the lock by holding out the travel steamer out to her.

Kat took it while regarding him curiously.

"It took you a long time up there." She ran a finger up his sleeve to his shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I've never been in your closet before. Didn't know my way around."

She gave him a sideways look as she let her finger fall back down his sleeve. She was clearly expecting him to say something about the closet's contents.

Eli gave her nothing but a daft smile.

"I hope this is going to be a good time for us," she said coyly.

He nodded. "Yeah, so do I."

She gave him a breathy sigh. "I'm sorry we couldn't leave Dylan with Michael, but he won't do anything unless a court orders it. You know how it is."

Eli did not know.

He and Trina, for all their issues, made sure to keep those issues between them and not make it their kids' problem. They never went to court for anything related to the kids as they had agreed from the beginning what the custody arrangements should be based on what was best for the kids. It was far from perfect, but Trina would never have to worry about taking him to court for child support or anything else.

He loved his kids and refused to be a statistic.

He also had no idea what, if anything, Kat said about her ex-husband was true. She had a tendency to exaggerate things...greatly.

"Dylan's a good kid," he said, trying his best to sound oblivious. "Besides Julia will be there."

He did not miss the way Kat bristled at the name.

Too much like her mama, he thought. And too close to Jon. Just like her mama.

"I love you, E."

This tested the extent of his acting skills. He knew Kat did not love him. However, getting this story was too important, so Eli forced his expression to soften into one of adoration and infatuation. As much as he hated it he knew he had to let her think he was fully under her control, which required him to play oblivious boyfriend.

"Love you, too, Kitty Kat," he said, struggling with the nickname Kat created for herself and insisted he call her. Like Jon, he wasn't creative with terms of endearment and always called Trina "Lil Mama". But then, Trina did not require cutesy nicknames from him, even though she had one for every member of their family.

"How much do you love me?"

This question gave Eli a sickening flashback to his twenties when he frequently got himself involved with women who asked this very question after the second date. Biting back a sarcastic response, he put his hands on her waist and pulled her close.

"More than anything in the world."

Grinning triumphantly, she hugged him tightly.

Eli couldn't believe she bought it.

"What would you do for me?" she asked sweetly, running her hand over his chest.

"Anything."

She gave him a sly smile and put her arms around his neck and leaned into kiss him.

She was a fantastic kisser, he had to give her that.

Breaking the kiss for a moment, she said, "Get rid of Audrey's number.

Careful not to react too quickly he gave her a lazy grin and looked down at her through half closed eyes. She pulled this demand quicker than he thought she would.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think it's a good idea for you to be talking to her privately," she said with a regretful sigh. "And since we're together now, I should be the one dealing with her; you have enough stress in your life."

Eli found this reasoning to be lazy and, frankly, insulting. Kat could have been a little more creative. Continuing to play his role, he shrugged, pulled his phone out of his back pocket and, with her watching, deleted Audrey's number.

"Block her too."

He arched a brow and paused before doing as she asked.

She grinned victoriously.

Eli fought the urge to roll his eyes. He took consolation in the fact he'd just deleted and blocked her number.

One step closer to freedom.

With Kat believing she'd won a round; he slipped his phone back in his pocket. Letting his hand slip further down her hips, he casually asked, "You ever hear from Jon?"

The triumphant smile faded into an upset frown. "No, he isn't answering his emails. I'm worried about him. He never ignores me."

Overlooking the outright lie, he held her tighter for a moment then released her and took a step back.

"Have you checked recently?"

She frowned and quickly checked her phone. Surprised, she said in disbelief, "He texted me."

"Oh?" Kat wasn't the only one working with someone on the outside. He suppressed a smirk.

Her brow knitted together as she read the message. "That's odd."

"What?"

"I asked Jon if he was staying with the Matthews. And he said he's not with them right now. He said he's resting away from everyone and isn't sure when he'll be back."

"Huh," Eli said, feigning surprise. "Sounds like there's no point in leaving right now."

"No," she said slowly rereading the text. "It there's not."

Concerned she might suspect something was amiss with the text, he kissed her neck as he slipped his hand into hers. "Why don't we double check resort plans? Better make sure the rooms are set up right- we don't Jonny to be uncomfortable."

"You're right," she agreed, rereading the text. "We can leave tomorrow."

Eli swung his gym bag over his shoulder and left the room, with the swagger of someone who'd just won an impossible battle, not realizing that she meant they would leave the moment tomorrow dawned.

He almost forgot to grab the duffel bag he'd hidden under Dylan's bed in the rush to leave.

---

The next morning Shawn woke Julia up with the idea to replicate the Mother's Day breakfast for their parents. Minus the flowers and gifts.

After a brief tussle over who got the bathroom first, Shawn ended up in his bedroom to change clothes. He knew he wasn't going to get into the bathroom before Jon and Audrey got up, so he figured he'd get the kitchen set up and worry about showering later.

When Julia wandered into the kitchen, she looked the same as when she went in. Her hair was in a wild halo of inky ringlets, and she was still in her oversized t-shirt and PJ bottoms.

Shawn couldn't resist the temptation to needle her about it.

"You just spent twenty minutes in the bathroom and your hair is still a mess. What'd you do in there? Turn the water on and pretend to shower?"

Julia stuck her tongue out at him as she smoothed back her curls and wrangled them into a poofy ponytail. "No, that's what grubby brothers do."

Shawn laughed. "Yeah, I only did that kind of thing when I stayed at Cory's."

"How come?"

"No one cared if I showered or not at home."

Julia stared at him as his words sank in. It was hard for her to imagine a parent not caring about their kid's hygiene. It was another reminder of how differently they'd grown up.

With the mood dampened, Shawn and Julia busied themselves by going over the menu. Certain foods were off limits due to Audrey's altered taste thanks to her pregnancy. Bacon was an absolute no-go as the smell exacerbated her all-day sickness.

Instead of bacon, Julia made sausage patties the way Audrey taught her to make them from scratch while Shawn made blueberry pancakes the way she had taught him.

As he dropped pancake batter on the skillet, he glanced at his sister and asked, "How old were you when Mom taught you to cook?"

"She started when I was two. I've been cooking and baking with her ever since. Or when she lets me. Mom's kind of a control freak in the kitchen."

"Kind of?" he chuckled. "Jules, she kicked Dad out of the kitchen and locked the door on him not that long ago. She's a major control freak in the kitchen."

Julia grinned. "He was trying to get her to make out him with while she was making a chocolate souffle. You'd think Daddy would know to wait until she had the eggs separated. She was mad he made her get yolk in the egg whites."

He laughed and shook his head. He was glad to know that another thing he wanted as a kid-making out in the kitchen- was something they still did.

He hoped one day soon he'd get to have his "ew, gross. Get a room!" moment when they did.

Shawn had forgotten how small the kitchen really was when more than one person was in it. How he, Jon, and Audrey managed to cook together was now a mystery as he and Julia couldn't stay out of each other's way.

While the sausages were cooking, Julia set the table.

"Shawn?"

"Yeah?"

"You have a lot of really detailed plans for me when we go back to Dutch Wonderland."

He smiled as he added another pancake to the pile. "Yeah."

She arched an eyebrow with an expression identical to Jon. "You aren't still gonna try to push me around in stroller, are you?"

This made him laugh out loud. "Nah. I guess I can let that part of the plans go."

"Good!"

He dropped the last of the batter on the skillet. "Hey, Jules."

"Yeah?"

"You ever been to England to meet Mom's family?"

"Yeah," she said as she returned to the sausage. "A few times. But once Aunt Netty and Uncle Tom moved here for good, we haven't gone back much. It's not easy traveling with so many little kids."

"I guess not." Shawn's thoughts wandered to what should have happened the summer when he was fifteen. "Too bad Mom and Dad didn't get their honeymoon. They had some really cool plans."

"Yeah, they didn't get the OG one, but Daddy did make it up to Mom years later by taking her on the Orinoco Flow," she told him.

Baffled he asked, "The what?"

"The Orinoco Flow."

"Like the song?"

Julia nodded.

Shawn was dumbfounded. "So, they actually had a honeymoon? Why didn't you or Cory tell me when we were makin' plans?"

She shrugged. "They don't call it a honeymoon unless someone asks so I don't really think about it that way. Daddy just told us he owed Mom a tour of Europe and then some. Mom talks about in passing a lot. There was souvenir shop they went to, Maebel's Knick Knacks, on the Isle of Wight that she really wants to go back to someday."

"I had no idea the Orinoco Flow was a real thing."

"It is a real thing."

Shawn turned at Audrey's voice and gave her a curious look. "Seriously?"

"Some of the places in the song aren't really defined and could be several different places," she said as she walked into the kitchen, "but your dad figured it out somehow and took me on the trip described in one of my favorite songs."

Jon wasn't one for overt traditional romantic gestures Shawn knew, but he did know to how to make an event special. "Where'd you go?"

Audrey stood on the balls of her feet trying to see how they were preparing the food. "We saw the Orinoco River while we were in Cali which is in Colombia. Cebu in the Philippines and Palau which is close by. Tripoli in Libya, Island of the Moon in Madagascar. Peru, Bali, Bissau, Fiji."

A dreamy look settled over her face as she recalled the trip. "We saw the Coral Sea in Australia. Then Tiree and Ebdane in Scotland. Glastonbury, which has long been rumored to be connected to the fabled Isle of Avalon. And the Island of Ebony in England, although your dad messed up on that one and took us to the Isle of Wight instead."

Both Shawn and Julie chuckled.

Audrey tried to check the eggs Shawn had started to fry but he wouldn't let her. Wrinkling her nose at him, she went on, "There were places Jon couldn't get us to like the Yellow Sea in China or the Ross Dependency in Antarctica. Places like Babylon or Iraq and Khartoum in Sudan were off limits due to the conflict in the areas. The Sea of Clouds was also out because it's on the moon."

"So, you did half of the Orinoco Flow then?" Shawn asked.

"We were limited in the physical places, yes. But Jon made up for the places we couldn't actually go to by taking me to museums throughout Europe where we could see exhibits from all those places. Your dad didn't miss a thing!"

He was glad to hear they did get a honeymoon, however belated. He was also very glad he and Cory and Julia abandoned the idea of recreating a first date or honeymoon for them now.

It would have been impossible.

"Sounds like quite a trip," he said. "A lot of countries."

"Six weeks," she said with sadness in her voice. "It was a whirlwind, but Jon had it planned out well. Trip of a lifetime."

Shawn and Julia exchanged looks, uncertain of what to say. Jon walking into the kitchen saved them from having to come up with anything.

"What're you guys talkin' about?" he asked.

"Orinoco Flow," Julia told him.

"Ah," he said making a face. "Look, that song made it incredibly difficult to pin down locations. Anyone could switch out Isle of Ebony for Isle of Wight, okay."

Audrey smiled and shook her head while Julia rolled her eyes with a cheeky grin.

While Jon continued to defend his mistake, Audrey drifted over to the griddle and picked up a slotted turner. Shawn immediately snatched it from her and took great delight in shooing her from his kitchen.

"No arguin', Mama," he said waving the turner at her. "My kitchen. Out. Now."

The shock of being kicked out of any kitchen was too much for Audrey who stared at him in disbelief. Jon had to escort her to the couch while trying to keep a straight face. Once breakfast was served, she had recovered enough to express her pride in both of their cooking skills.

After breakfast Jon and Shawn took care of the dishes.

Jon doing so under Audrey's watchful eye.

"Mom took this last memory pretty hard," Shawn remarked as he filled the sink with water.

"I know," Jon remarked as he unfolded the dish towel. "I told her I was happy to see her react for once."

He was surprised that Jon was happy about it. He was so used to Audrey always being calm and collect that the opposite was unnerving.

"I gotta admit it's weird to see."

Jon gave a small laugh. "I'm sure it is. I see her break way more often than you kids do but there are some things she refuses to show any emotion on at all. Like going over this part of our past so I'm glad she finally cracked. Makes me feel not so bad about my reactions."

"You think she's okay?"

"I know she is."

"Good," Shawn absently scrubbed the plate in his hands several times over.

Jon watched him dip the plate back into the soapy water, pull it out, and scrub it again. "Are you okay?"

He finally rinsed the plate and handed it to Jon.

"Yes and no." Having told Julia about "ghost" Chet had lifted a burden from him, and he had the feeling that telling Jon might rid him of his biological father's intrusion into his consciousness altogether. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Chet showed up after you and Mom went to bed."

Jon pressed his lips into a thin line unsure of what to say. The news wasn't a complete surprise though. He'd heard about Chet's post-death appearances from Cory. "Oh?"

Shawn nodded. "Yeah."

"What're you thinkin'?"

He had been thinking for half the night about the encounter with Chet and Julia's reaction to it while analyzing his reasons for conjuring up the "the ideal dad" with Chet's face in the first place. This led him to look at the reasons behind his loyalty to the man even when he knew he was being lied to repeatedly.

"I'm thinkin'," he said, drawing in a shaky breath and he tried to give words to his still jumbled thought, "that I didn't start hatin' Katherine for ruinin' my life until after Chet died. Once he did, he was suddenly this wise, humble guy tryin' to make up for everythin' he did wrong in life, and she became this larger-than-life villain who ruined any chance I had at happiness."

Jon put his drying towel down, turned around, and leaned against the counter. "Kat ruined a lot by goin' to the school board," he said thoughtfully. "But based on my dealin's with Chet and what you've told me so far, what Kat did was nothin' compared to what he did."

Shawn frowned. Deep down he always knew this was true but confronting it had always been too much until now.

He shrugged. "I needed someone to hate for what happened back then. I had to live with Chet, but I never had to see her again. Way easier to hate someone I don't have any contact with."

Jon crossed his arms over his chest. "Makes sense." He shook his head. "Chet did more damage than Kat ever could."

Shawn didn't say anything,but Jon saw the cloudy emotional turmoil gathering in his expression. They were going to have to deal with the memories soon enough, but he didn't see any reason to rush into it, so he changed the subject.

"See any good movies lately?"

The shift took Shawn by surprise. He took a minute to think about it then said. "Yeah, I was checkin' out Melvyn Douglas' filmography before I came home."

"Melvyn Douglas," Jon said crossing his arms over his stomach. "Isn't he the guy who refused to go to the Academy Awards because a kid was nominated for the same category he was."

"Best actor, yeah," Shawn chuckled. "He was a really good actor."

"Got a favorite movie?"

Shawn shifted uncomfortably as the answer came to him right away. "I Never Sang for My Father."

As he said the title, his expression fell into a frown. The movie had a strange resonance with him in a way he didn't like. Although he could not directly relate to characters in the story the dynamic between father and son would not leave him alone.

"That's a good one," Jon replied. He saw the look of discomfort on Shawn's face and watched him carefully.

Shawn's frown deepened. "That movie had no singin'. Not really." He looked up at Jon. "Why do you think they called it that?" Having taken multiple film courses in college, Shawn already had an answer, but he was very curious about Jon's more literary take on it.

Jon regarded his son for a moment then said, "I think it's a metaphor for the unspoken emotions and unresolved issues between Gene and Tom. Why?"

Shawn inhaled a breath and shook his head. He'd watched that movie so many times and he couldn't figure out what the draw was or why the story, specifically the title, continually came back to him at odd times.

Jon had already figured out what Shawn had not. He knew why the movie so deeply resonated with him- it was the same reason it resonated so deeply with him.

"'Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship which struggles on in the survivor's mind toward some resolution which it never finds.'"

Shawn looked up sharply at his words.

Jon gave him a sympathetic smile and continued, "'What did it matter if I never loved him, or he never loved me? But still when I hear the word 'Father' ... it matters.'"

The scowl deepened and Shawn stared at Jon struggling to understand what he meant.

"Robert Anderson wrote the play the movie was based on," Jon explained. "I taught a couple summer English Lit courses at NYU on it a while back."

"Right." Shawn sighed. "I have a booklet of the script I picked up at Pennbrook. I always meant to read it. Just never got around to it."

"Hits close to home, doesn't it?"

Shawn stared guiltily at him as though he'd been caught doing something wrong then shrugged. "I don't know. I never had to take care of Chet in the same the way Gene took care of Tom."

"I haven't had to take care of Blake that way either."

He looked up to see Jon's gaze intently focused on him. It was a look he'd seen many times in class when Jon would patiently wait for him to get whatever lesson he was teaching.

Shawn put his hands in his pockets. "I don't have the adoration of Virna like Gene had for his mother."

"My mother was nothin' like Margaret, and I certainly don't have warm feelin's towards her."

Again, he waited.

Shawn dropped his chin to his chest then looked up and said, "'I hate him. I hate hating him. I hate what it does to me when I'm around him... somehow, I shrink.'"

"I know the feelin'," Jon replied quietly, impressed with Shawn's quotation of one of Gene's lines. "I know it very well. I think that's why the movie speaks so uncomfortably loud to me."

Shawn looked at him curiously.

Jon saw the look and explained, "Blake is still alive and the resentment I have towards him is very much alive, too. I have a hard time watchin' the movie because I see so much of Blake in Tom. Mom found a book that used this movie as a part of family therapy, and it explains it well. It's a good read."

"Did it help?"

Jon shrugged. "It helped me understand more about why I feel the way I do about him, but it didn't bring any resolution."

"Movie didn't have one either."

Jon nodded in agreement. "Life's like that sometimes." He paused then said, "Tom always enjoyed hearin' Gene sing, what was it? 'When I Grow Too Old to Dream". But Gene never actually sang it for him as an act of defiance. Tom had to listen to it from his office."

Shawn looked startled at this. Partly because he wasn't sure how he missed the significance of the title and partly because he realized that this act of defiance was one he exhibited towards Jon not Chet.

"You always wanted me to share my poetry with you, the stuff I wrote outside of class, but I never did." He was horrified by this realization.

"I never sang for my legal guardian," Shawn said quietly as he stared at the faded linoleum of the kitchen. "I never sang for my father."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Jon's mouth. It didn't surprise him that Shawn would find significance in the title and apply it to his own life. He also saw the distraught look on his son's face; however, it wasn't quite time to deal with this part of their relationship, so he moved the conversation to a lighter place.

"I'm okay with that," he said with a quiet chuckle that made Shawn look up. "You stood next to me at the Christmas sing-along when you were in 9th grade remember? I don't need an encore of that performance."

This brought a small smile and chuckle from Shawn. "Hey, you can't sing either."

Jon's smile grew, and he clapped a hand on Shawn's back. "That's how I know you're my kid." He paused for a moment, then said it seriously. "But I did hear your poetry, Shawn. I heard it."

A melancholy look settled over his countenance as he realized Jon must have heard it by standing outside of his classrooms or from Cory recording it. "I never stood in front of you and read it."

"You don't have to."

Shawn stared at him. "Yeah, I do."

---

While Julia flipped through the television channels, trying to find something interesting to watch, Audrey was watching and listening to Jon and Shawn.

Shawn's despondency over not sharing his poetry with Jon was palpable and broke her heart.

For both of them.

She knew Shawn's feelings were magnified by talk about how close they were to making their family official back then.

She knew how much he hated being questioned about his place in their lives when he was a teenager.

She had seen how uncomfortable he was trying to explain it to people now and how hurt he was when he was denied information about Jon when he was in the hospital because they did not recognize him as his son.

As for Jon, despite Shawn now calling him "Dad," she knew he worried about losing him again with that loose end dangling. While Shawn was always his, and he told everyone so, he was very uncertain about his place in Shawn's life long-term.

Audrey glanced at Julia, who had grown frustrated with the lack of options on the old TV and resorted to watching YouTube videos on her phone. Jon and Shawn were still talking, so she was able to slip back to the bedroom without being noticed.

In the bedroom, she took her purse off the dresser and opened it up. She removed a carefully folded manila envelope from it and sat on the bed. Inside the envelope was a packet of papers. Audrey held the papers in one hand and ran her fingertip over the text.

Shawn was thirty-three now, an adult trying to find his place in the world. Yet adoption was still what he wanted.

It was still what Jon wanted.

Her gaze scanned the document, lingering on the names on the page.

It was still what she wanted.

Audrey put the papers back in their envelope, then put the envelope in her purse again. She walked over to the door and leaned against the frame to watch her husband and son.

Having off-handedly mentioned it shortly after he returned home, Shawn believed it was too late for his legal inclusion into the family.

Audrey knew it wasn't.

She hoped that by taking care of it now, it would help them all face what was to come, both in recollecting the past and in the future. And that it would take away a weakness in Shawn and Jon so that Katherine couldn't use his not being legally theirs against them in whatever it was she was planning to do in Philadelphia.

---

Thank you so much for spending time with me! And thank you for your comments. I always love hearing your thoughts.