Chapter 52: A Cooooool Guy
Important characters
Jessie (Male Tentacool/Ex-Human)
Slowpokes (multiple genders and ages. all patience testing)
? (warning, strong language)
"-And that's how I got here! Man, I can just imagine Emperor freaking out up there half stuck in that hole I got sucked into. Thankfully Tentacool are a lot more flexable than Seakings are!"
-"Slow..."
-"poke."
"Yeah yeah, it also helps that I'm so small. Geez, have you even seen a Tentacool before me?"
-"Slow..."
-"poke."
"Oh, really? That's pretty cool actually! But back to my problem. You still haven't told me how you intend to help me get out of this big, strangely comfy, hole in the ground without having to trek over land."
-"Slow..." Jessie flushed deeply.
"Please don't say ass, please don't say ass, please don't say ass!"
-"poke."
"Phew! Had me worried for a minute there. Sure, no problem!"
Grabbing a stick from his pouch, the greatly relieved Tentacool started scratching the pink pokemon's itchy back. Relief instantly (over the course of a few minutes) spreads over Slowpoke's face.
"Just say when, okay big guy?"
-"Slooooow..."
"...Any minute now."
-"...poooooke."
"All good? No more itchy spots? Cause my tentacle is real tired now, I didn't know I could even- Hey, hey! Where are you going?"
Slowpoke ambles away to the middle of the room and begins staring into space.
"Dude, I scratched your back. Reply back... Aw."
But thankfully before Jessie can start to contemplate how many Zubats it would take to fly him out of this cave, a second Slowpoke moseys it's way over to him.
-"Slow..."
"Well, yes. I am the guy that just helped your fr-"
-"poke."
"I swear that gets me every time... Yeah, what do you need?"
-"Slow..."
"Uh huh."
-"poke."
"Seriously? Well uh, yeah yeah that's not too much trouble. I just need to smooth out those rocks into a good place to lay an egg, right?"
Taking aim with his Acid attack, Jessie-
-"Slow..."
Hush you! Jessie blasts a smooth groove into the nearby stone. It takes him a few minutes to get just the right angle and clean any excess acid away with Bubblebeam, but eventually he is left with a smooth, concave dome. The grateful Slowpoke mother happily inspects it and moves some bedding into the crevice.
"Aw, I'm sure your kid will like that a whole lot! You know, I have my own little one back home and- OH COME ON, NOT YOU TO!"
Just like before, the slow freeloader moves to the middle of the room and starts staring at the air...? And yet, it looks like there may not be just open air after all. Squinting his eyes to peer into the darkness, Jessie swears he can see a tiny mote hanging there, giving off a faint warbling vibration.
As he comes to this revelation, a third, equally expectant looking (no change in expression) Slowpoke sidles up to Jessie's pool.
"Ah. I see what's going on."
Many hours of side questing later.
"Okay! So that's your entire memoir written down, in human words, which I will give to the first writer I can find so that your epic tale can survive through the ages! And may I say, Mrs. Granny poke, it was riveting."
A tear falls from the old Slowpoke's one good eye as she joins the other pink weirdos staring at a shimmering tear in space generated by a level of psychic energy one would think only attainable by the legendary beings themselves! Or one Psyduck with the mother of all migraines.
As the final psychic pokemon joins the rest in their meditative stupor, the rift widens and out falls a dark yellow pokemon with scrawny limbs and deep bags under it's eyes.
"Woah, yeah! An Abra! Thanks guys, this is a huge h-"
-"AND WHO THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU?"
"I'm-"
-"PISSING IN MY MORNING COFFEE IS WHAT YOU ARE! DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE THAT SHIT IS IN THE FOREST? AND WHAT HAPPENS TO MY DAILY JOE? ON THE DAMN FLOOR!"
"Well-"
-"SHUT YOUR HOLE AND LET ME FINISH MY GODDAMN DRINK BEFORE YOU SUMMON ME YOU FUCK MOTHERING PIECE OF- Wait no, you aren't Alakazam. Who are you?"
"...Jessie."
-"Huh... Say, does a floating exclamation point speaking gibberish mean anything to you?"
"A question mark, actually."
-"No kidding. Must've had a stiffie when he met me... But seriously, I've been looking for you. Multiple reasons, more important one being my own personal reason. So... THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SITTING IN SOME DANK HOLE, YA PRICK?"
"Looking for a way out, actually. These guys-"
-"OH LOOK AT THE FUCK NUGGETS WHO DECIDED TO PULL ME OUT OF REALITY AGAIN! WHAT, WAS THE FIRST TIME NOT ENOUGH YOU STUPID-"
-"Slow..."
-"...Okay Granny Poke, I'm listening. But after the last time, this had better be worth it!"
-"poke." The biggest one pulls out a brown bag from... somewhere, presenting it to the irate Abra.
-"Silver Mountain blend, good shit. Alright, enough twisting my tits, I'll take the guy out of here when I leave! I needed his ass for a thing anyway."
-"Slow..."
-"Yeah, not waiting around for you to finish. Grab hold will you? I don't slow down for beginners!"
"Uh, sure? But hey listen, I have some friends waiting just over-"
-"DON'T CARE DIDN'T LISTEN! !"
Without warning, the pair vault through space to arrive at a secluded lake out in the middle of nowhere!
-"Well that's not right."
"Oh hey, Aurum! Did you get a sunburn?"
-"GYAAAAAA!"
"Wait, your name's Greg?"
-"Your name's dumb."
Shunting through another endless expanse they appear within a dark and icy cavern.
-"Damnit! Thought for sure I had it right this ti-"
"HOLY SHIT TELEPORT AGAIN!"
-"ALRIGHT DON'T RUSH ME!"
A massive white maw rends the air where the two were just standing moments before, a forlorn cry echoing out into the area.
Finally, the pair will drop from the air onto dry land. Well, on somebody's rooftop anyway.
"GAH! WATER! W-WRONG TELEPORT!"
-"No no, this is the right place. Just a bit to the right of where I was aiming. Welcome to the greatest pile of bricks the shit stacking humans ever crapped out, Goldenrod City!"
"CAN'T BREATHE!"
-"Yeah, the city air will do that to you... oh shit wait."
Jessie fainted.