"Well, that went better than I thought it would." Prim said in a purposefully upbeat tone, passing a bottle of water to Katniss as they sat on a park bench watching Skye and Aran happily digging around in the sandbox.
They had just spent an hour pushing the kids on the swings and visiting the duck pond, and they both needed five minutes to sit and catch their breath. It was their first opportunity to talk out of Skye's earshot since they had left Peeta's.
"Yeah," Katniss responded quietly, "I guess so." Truthfully, she was struggling to keep the smile plastered on her face in front of her children when what she really wanted to do was run back to her room at Prim's and bury her face in her pillow and cry. But she wasn't going to allow any negative emotion to show on her face in front of her kids on their first day with her since she came home. She didn't want anything to spoil their time together. But she couldn't stop letting her mind drift back to thinking how awkward things were with Peeta that morning.
Prim narrowed her eyes in concern. "Katniss... are you okay?"
"Mhm." Katniss nodded and tried to give Prim a weak smile. Prim sighed, reaching over and covering one of Katniss' hands, rubbing it affectionately with her own. "I know this morning with Peeta... that must have been horrible for both of you, but the first time was going to be the worst. It'll get easier" she said reassuringly.
"I hope so," Katniss croaked, barely able to speak as she tried to control the onslaught of emotions welling up inside her. Constantly trying to disguise how sad and confused she was really feeling was becoming exhausting. She tried to force a smile again for Prim's sake, then turned her head to look over at where the children were playing, blissfully unaware of the anguish their mother was feeling.
Being with them again felt so good, yet it was so bittersweet. Katniss' heart ached as she watched them play, thinking about how it would be for them from now on, spending their time divided between two homes and two parents. So much had changed. The last time they had come to the park was the day she had run away, and even though it was not really all that long ago, her children had grown so much and there were so many little things that were different about them.
Katniss could see Skye was as protective of her little brother as ever, probably even more so, as she happily chatted away to him non-stop while he sat beside her playing. But the biggest change she could see was in Aran. Now that he was walking, he followed his big sister everywhere. How had she never noticed the way he watched Skye's every move before?
Katniss was surprised at how effortlessly she had slipped right back into what Peeta used to teasingly call her "mama mode." When they had first arrived at the park Katniss had tried to carry Aran, but he had cried and struggled to be put down. Skye had promptly informed her that 'Aran likes to walk now...' and she was right. He wasn't rejecting her again; he was just exerting himself to let Katniss know that he did not want to be in the stroller or carried. He was quite happy to hold tight onto Katniss' hand as he toddled all the way from the car to the playground under his own steam. In just a few short months, her baby son had grown into a little boy who was so much more independent already.
"I came here the day I left, Prim. Did I tell you that?" Katniss suddenly blurted out.
"No," Prim replied. "You haven't really spoken about anything that happened that day."
"I was so stressed out I can barely remember it. But, I remember sitting here, on this very bench, and feeling like I was losing my mind. I scared myself, Prim. I haven't told anyone else that, I didn't even tell Hazelle..." She let it all come out in a gush.
Prim lowered the bottle of water she was drinking from and studied Katniss carefully. "Do you feel like you want to talk about it now?" she offered.
Katniss nodded slowly. She needed to talk to someone about all that was going through her head. "I didn't think I was being a good mother, especially to Aran, Prim," she began hesitantly. "I was struggling so much, and I was afraid I was going to let something terrible happen to him," she admitted, keeping her eyes on her son and avoiding her sister's gaze.
Prim blinked in surprise. "Like what, Katniss? What would possibly have happened to him?"
"I don't know," she whispered.
"Yes, you do, Katniss." Prim urged her gently to continue. "What was it? Do you still feel that way now?"
"No, not now," Katniss shook her head. "At the time, I...I was afraid I'd let him get hurt somehow. Drop him maybe? I nearly let him roll off the bed a few times. He cried so much, and I was so tired, and I knew I wasn't able to watch him properly. And Peeta would've never forgiven me if I had let something happen to either of them."
"But that's ridiculous, Katniss. You've never dropped a baby, and you've always taken good care of your kids. Why were you being so hard on yourself?"
"I know it seems irrational now, but all I know is I got so upset, all I wanted to do was sleep. I thought if I could just get some sleep, it would all be okay. When I sat here that day, all I could think about was that Aran and Skye would be safer with Peeta than with me while I went away for a rest."
Katniss kept her eyes trained on her children as they played, trying to fight back the guilt she felt for having ever left them.
"Everything changed when Aran was born, Prim. Skye was such an easy baby, and I thought it would be the same when Aran was born. I thought it would be easier, because I'd done it all before. But it wasn't. He was so different. Having two was so much harder than I expected it to be and I feel so guilty because I couldn't cope. Other mothers can manage two kids Prim, why couldn't I?" Katniss looked at Prim, desperation in her eyes.
"Did you tell Peeta you felt that way?" Prim asked gently.
Katniss shook her head again. "No, not at the time. I tried to tell him some of it when I came home, but I should have known he would never understand. Peeta is so gentle, and he's so patient with the kids. He never would have snapped like I did. He's not as selfish as me. Plus, he got to leave the house for part of every day and didn't know what it was like to be at home all the time with them like I was. But when I said that to him, he thought I was attacking him for working and not helping with the kids enough."
Prim sat, momentarily speechless.
"Katniss, you weren't being selfish for needing some rest. If only you had told someone, Peeta, or me... not run away to Seam." Prim put her hands up to her own face, her soft blue eyes troubled. "I'm your sister, how could I not have seen what was going on with you? How could Peeta not have seen how stressed out you were?"
Katniss shrugged. "I didn't see it myself Prim, not until it was too late." She let out a small laugh, but there was no humor in it. "We both know how good I am at hiding what I'm feeling. And it's not fair to blame Peeta for not seeing it either, he was just as sleep deprived as I was. I just snapped first. Then I left and made things a whole lot worse, because I left him to cope on his own. And now it's too late, because it took me so long to work everything out."
"But, is it really too late, Katniss? Don't you think if you talked to Peeta, told him what you're telling me now, he might understand?"
"That's the worse part, Prim." Katniss wiped her eyes quickly with the corner of her sleeve. "I can't take that risk now. Don't you see? He already told me that he doesn't trust me with the kids. Suppose I told him now how afraid I was that one of them would get hurt, and that I had doubts that I could look after them properly? He might try to take Aran and Skye away from me forever if I do," she shook her head vigorously. "No, at least this way, he will agree to sharing custody with me. Before, maybe I could have told him. Maybe if I'd talked to him that first few days I was gone then he would have known that my leaving had nothing to do with my feelings for him."
"Oh, Katniss," Prim shook her head slightly. "I don't know what to say. I had no idea you were going through all that."
Katniss stared down at her hands. "It hurts too that Peeta thinks I would leave for Gale or something like that. I didn't," she whispered. "I can't help but feel like I failed him as his wife if he doesn't know that in his heart. I had to make sure my babies were safe, even from me, and I knew they would be safe with him. I never meant to hurt Peeta, but I couldn't talk to him. I was afraid he'd see me for what I am...a terrible mother. A terrible wife, a terrible person..." Tears began to leak from her eyes. She swiped angrily at them again.
"Katniss." Prim grabbed her hand again, squeezing it between her own. "Sweetie, you need to calm down. You are not any of those things..."
"But he's divorcing me Prim... and it's my fault. I've broken up our family because I was so selfish. I let them all down."
"He's divorcing you because he's hurt, Katniss." Prim said fiercely.
"I know, and I never meant for that to happen either. I just wasn't thinking straight. It all seems so irrational now. I don't expect you to understand either. I can barely understand it myself."
"Katniss." Prim's voice was firm. "I'm sorry... I love you, but I think you're still not thinking straight. I really think you need to see somebody about all this stress. What you've gone through, what you're still going through can be too much on a person's body. I've never seen you like this. Please. You can't deal with this by yourself."
Katniss shook her head. "I'll be okay Prim. I don't need a doctor. I just need to get back on my feet. You're helping. Gale helped. Being with my kids again really helps," she smiled weakly. "They're all I have left."
"I still want you to see a doctor, Katniss. Please." Prim pleaded. She hesitated before continuing. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I want you to think of Mom. Maybe if she got some real help sooner, we wouldn't have lost her. Please, Katniss! Don't do it for me, or for Peeta, do it for their sake," she said, nodding her head towards the children.
Katniss sucked in a sharp breath. Prim bringing up their mother hurt, but she was the one person who could get away with saying something like that to her. Katniss knew Prim would never use their mom to hurt her. For her to say something like that, she must be really worried. "I promise I'll think about it Prim, okay?" she agreed, looking up at her sister.
"Okay," Prim exhaled, and reached over and hugged her, relief showing in her gentle blue eyes. "That's a start. But, don't ever let things get you so far down again without coming to me okay? I'm pissed at you. You have always been there for me, Katniss, all the time I was growing up; let me be here for you when you need it."
Katniss nodded and hugged her sister back, resting her cheek against Prim's. "I'll try, I promise," she breathed.
"Good," Prim smiled, and released her. "Speaking of Gale, what did you and he talk about last night anyway?" Prim asked curiously.
"He just asked what had happened. He wanted to go and talk to Peeta, defend me, but I told him not to. Gale is the last person Peeta would talk to. It'd only make things worse. Then we talked about work. He is going to talk to Madge Undersee who runs the nursery outside town about a possible job."
"I know that place, it's nice. I think going back to work would be good for you."
"Prim, there is one other thing I wanted to tell you." Katniss looked at her sister hesitantly. "I'm going to start looking at places to live. Somewhere big enough for me and the kids, so that I can have them stay overnight."
"I understand," Prim replied. "Though you know there is no rush, you're welcome to stay with me and Rory for as long as you need?"
"I know, but I need to plan for the future. If Peeta and I are to share custody, I need somewhere the kids can be with me too. I don't want there to be anything that could stand in the way of my being with them again. We have to go through mediation soon. I'll have to show the court that my kids are my first priority now. Finding a way to be on better terms with Peeta is going to take a lot more time. "
"Okay," Prim smiled reassuringly. "I can help you look, if you like."
"I'd love that, and thank you, Prim, for everything," Katniss said, reaching out and hugging her sister again, managing a small, but real smile this time. "But maybe it's time we got these kids back to the house and fed them some lunch, hmm? They must be getting hungry, and it's nearly Aran's nap time."
"See? You're back in mama mode already!" Prim laughed as she got up and began to gather their things together.
The rest of the day flew by. They had lunch then Aran went down for a nap on the sofa, surrounded by pillows, while Katniss spent some one-on-one time with Skye.
The little girl drew a picture of them all at the duck pond, Katniss, Prim, and Aran were all there, only in the background she drew an extra stick figure - a taller one with yellow scribbles for hair and blue dots eyes. Katniss felt her chest tighten at the inclusion of that extra figure, so plainly meant to be Peeta, in her daughter's drawing.
"It's for auntie Prim's fridge, Mama!" Skye declared, waving the picture at her with a big beaming grin all over her face. Katniss couldn't help grinning back and ruffling her daughter's hair affectionately. She was so blessed that this happy, smiling little girl seemed to be adjusting so well to all the upheaval in their lives at the moment.
"That's right where it's going," Katniss grinned as she stuck the bright picture up on the fridge door.
"Maybe next time Daddy will come to the park to feed the ducks with us," Skye continued in a conversational tone. "Daddy always has lots of stale bread for the ducks to eat."
Katniss discreetly let that slide by without answering. She knew she had to avoid making any promises, when it was possible she and Peeta would never take the kids to the park together again. Even thinking that made her feel upset, but she pushed it away and tried to focus on just enjoying her time with her daughter.
After dinner, Katniss reluctantly began to gather the kids' things, knowing she was delaying the unavoidable.
"I suppose I should take them home now," she said to Prim. "Peeta will be expecting them back."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Prim offered, glancing up from the sofa where she was sitting reading a storybook to Aran.
"No." Katniss declined her offer with a slight shake of her head. "We'll have to get used to doing this, and you won't always be around to hold my hand. I guess we might as well get used to it, if this is how we mean to continue."
"I'm glad today was a good day," Prim smiled. "Or at least a better one."
Katniss smiled and nodded a little in return. She was feeling pretty good about the day; it had gone better than she expected, and they'd all had a good time. The kids seemed happy and relaxed, and there had been no major meltdowns that she couldn't cope with. It made her feel like she might actually become the kind of mother she thought her kids deserved, given the chance.
She piled the kids into the car and made the short drive to Peeta's house, singing along to a Disney CD with Skye while Aran kicked his legs and clapped his hands, bobbing up and down in time with the music. Katniss couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at the sight.
As she pulled up outside the house, Peeta appeared almost instantly at the front door. She realized he must have been watching out for them, waiting for them to return.
"Hi." She gave a small wave in his direction as she got out of the car and moved to release Aran from his car seat. Skye unbuckled herself, and jumped out of the car, running up the steps to hug her father's legs. "Hi Daddy!" she squealed enthusiastically. "We had a great time today! We went to the park and I colored a picture, and Mama put it up on auntie Prim's fridge!"
"That's great sweetie," he smiled down at the little girl warmly. "I'm glad you had fun." He flicked his eyes to look at Katniss briefly.
"So, how did it go with Aran?" he asked, his tone notably cooler. Katniss noticed he never bothered returning her greeting, and it didn't look like he was going to invite her inside this time.
"It went well," she replied, frowning slightly. She could tell by the expression on Peeta's face that he was not in a good mood. "We went to the park, and then back to Prim's. Aran was fine; he ate well, and then went down for his nap without a problem and Skye and I spent some time..."
"Well, that's good, and thanks for dropping them back so promptly," Peeta said, cutting her short, as he reached out and pulled Aran from her arms.
Katniss didn't resist and let him take Aran from her, surprised at Peeta's open hostility. What was eating him? That morning he had at least tried to be amicable, but cold and distant Peeta was definitely back tonight.
She bit her lip and looked at him thoughtfully, wondering whether now was the best time. "Peeta, there was actually something I wanted to talk to you about, if you have a minute... the day care centre..." she began nervously.
"Do you mind if we don't talk about this tonight, Katniss?" Peeta cut across her again, abruptly. "I'd really like to get the kids inside and ready for bed. I have plans for tonight."
"Oh. Um...okay," she stammered, feeling extremely uncomfortable. She wondered for a second what kind of plans he had. Peeta had never liked to make plans for a Saturday night; it was always his favorite night for them to spend time together as he didn't have work the next day. "Then just let me say goodnight to the kids, and I'll be out of your way..."
She crouched down to give Skye a hug. The little girl threw her arms around Katniss' neck and hugged her tightly. "I did have fun today, Mama," Skye whispered in her ear. "I want you to come back soon."
"I had fun too, and I promise I'll see you soon, little girl," she whispered back, placing a soft kiss on the crown of her daughter's silky head. "I love you."
She straightened and stepped closer to Peeta, catching that familiar warm scent of vanilla and sugar which clung to him. She tried not to inhale deeply as she placed a soft kiss on Aran's cheek. "Sleep well, little guy," she said as she ran her finger through her son's blond curls for a second before stepping back again.
She looked away quickly so Peeta wouldn't catch the look she was sure was reflected in her eyes. She hated this. Her heart felt like it was being torn in two, leaving them here. She wanted to go inside and help Peeta put the kids to bed, then snuggle with him on the sofa for the evening. Sleep with his arms around her tonight. More than anything, she wanted to be back at home, with her family.
"Goodnight Katniss," Peeta said curtly as he backed inside the house, holding the door firmly in his grip as he balanced Aran on one hip.
"Goodnight Pe..," Katniss began to respond but before she could finish getting the words out of her mouth, the door was shut firmly in her face. She blinked, staring at the closed door in shock, her face beginning to redden and anger flaring deep in her belly. Spinning on her heel, she stomped back to her car. Well, if this was how he wanted things to be, then okay. So be it. There would be plenty of nights when she could tuck the kids in bed when she had her own place. Better get on that tonight, Katniss, she thought as she drove away, fighting the urge to give in to the grief in her heart and run for the comfort of Seam again.
Peeta closed the door firmly behind him and exhaled loudly in relief. He had barely managed to keep it together while Katniss said goodbye to the kids. The whole time, he had fought the burning impulse to ask her what the hell Gale Hawthorne was doing back in town. But, thankfully, she was gone now and he could breathe again.
He turned to see Rye leaning against the living in the door frame of the living room, arms crossed, watching him. He'd come over to watch the wrestling and share a few beers with him.
"Uh, Peeta, what the fuck was that?" Rye asked.
"Don't swear in front of the kids, Rye," Peeta growled.
"Sorry." Rye apologized, not sounding in the least bit apologetic. "Let me rephrase that. What the heck was that?" he gestured with one hand towards the door.
"What was what?" Peeta snapped back.
"You were just a complete asshole to Katniss."
"No, I wasn't!" Peeta denied angrily.
"Yes, you were." Rye eyed him, a disappointed look on his face. "Did you really just make her say goodnight to your kids while standing on your doorstep so the neighbourhood could watch? And then close the door in her face? Seriously? Nice, bro. Real nice."
Peeta fumed as Rye stalked back into the living room, shaking his head disapprovingly. He hadn't thought of it like that. It never occurred to him that the neighbours could be watching, speculating about what was going on between him and Katniss. It hadn't been his intention to humiliate her; he just wasn't in the mood to try and make small talk with her, not when he knew Gale Hawthorne was in town and was most likely hanging out with Katniss at his brother Rory's house tonight.
"Damn it!" he swore out loud to himself, annoyed at himself for his own lack of forethought.
"Don't swear in front of your kids, Peeta!" Rye yelled from the living room.
Peeta bit his tongue to stop himself from retaliating and saying something the kids really shouldn't hear.
Instead, he ushered them upstairs and starting getting them ready for bed. It didn't take long to get them bathed and into fresh pajamas. He could tell by their sleepy eyes and deep yawns that they must have had a good day with Katniss. Both of them were exhausted, and fell asleep as soon as they were tucked in. Even Aran didn't need to be coaxed into falling asleep immediately.
As he quietly closed the door of Skye's room, Peeta couldn't help but feel resentful that he had missed out on whatever fun they had today. He had felt it building all day as he wondered what they were doing. Saturday had always been their day to spend together as a family, and trips to the park usually involved Aran riding high on his shoulders while Skye skipped ahead of them. But instead, he had spent the day working in a hot bakery while the kids went with Katniss. He supposed he should be grateful that things went well, but he couldn't deny that he missed her. He missed their family.
Once he deposited the laundry in the basket and tidied up the bathroom, he headed back downstairs and flopped on the opposite end of the sofa to Rye.
"Kids asleep?" Rye queried, handing Peeta a beer and cracking one open for himself.
"Yup," Peeta replied, accepting it gratefully and propping his feet up on the coffee table.
"They have a good day with Katniss?" he asked, grabbing a handful of popcorn from a bowl on the table and threw it into his mouth, chewing noisily.
"I think so, they were sure tired out anyway," Peeta answered, taking a sip for his beer and wondering what all these questions were leading up to. Rye wasn't usually the type to ask a lot of questions.
Rye cleared his throat nervously. "So, this divorce, it looks like it's actually going to happen, huh?" he asked suddenly.
Peeta eyed his brother, surprised. When he did talk, Rye was even less likely to bring up anything more serious than sports as conversation. Especially not when there was a wrestling match on TV.
"Yeah, it's happening," Peeta confirmed. "We have mediation first, and once that's done, the final papers can be signed. Once they're lodged with the court, it's final."
"And you can't just stop it? Call a halt to the whole thing?"
"Why would I do that, Rye?" Peeta furrowed his brow, confused.
"Because it seems to me that you're in a no-win situation, no matter what the outcome is." Rye shrugged. "You're miserable bro, and I can see you're missing her. Why not give Katniss a chance to see can she fix this before you let her go?"
Peeta stared at Rye, his mouth open. Where was this coming from?
"It's not that easy, Rye. It's complicated," he sputtered.
"Maybe you're making it more complicated than it needs to be. It just seems like a shame to me. I've never seen a relationship like the two of you had."
Peeta's bottom lip raised little as his eyes narrowed at his brother. "You've never seen a relationship up close at all, Rye."
Rye sighed. Though a low blow, the statement was true. Rye had little experience in long-term relationships with women.
"Well, that's not by choice," Rye retaliated. They both sipped their beers for a few minutes in silence.
Peeta felt bad. He knew he should crack a joke or something to break the silence, but it just didn't seem right somehow. "So what kind of relationship did you think we had, Rye?" Peeta finally asked.
"A good one. You two always seemed pretty solid to me. You seemed like a team. Together. "
"And what about this whole running away thing? This thing she has for Gale Hawthorne?"
"What thing she has for Gale Hawthorne?" Rye flicked his eyes away from the television screen to look at him. "I thought they were just friends from way back? Grew up together?"
"They are. At least, that's what she says. But I have my doubts about that," Peeta mumbled.
"Do you think she has cheated on you?" Rye sat up straighter, focusing all his attention on Peeta.
"No," Peeta admitted. "But this thing she has of disappearing to Seam when times get rough... why would she do that? When she had me?" His voice cracked slightly on the last word and he looked away.
Rye studied his younger brother silently.
"Peeta..." he spoke hesitantly. "Could it be that it is something to do with the place, not the person, like she says? She had a rough childhood right? Maybe when she says the place is special to her, it is just that? A kind of refuge? "
Peeta stared at Rye, stunned. Was he actually defending Katniss for leaving home?
"I don't think I understand what you're trying to say Rye," he growled, trying not to get angry.
Rye huffed loudly, and threw his eyes up at the ceiling while he thought. He was obviously struggling to find the right words. "I suppose what I'm trying to say is did you ever stop to consider that maybe her going to Seam had nothing to do with some feelings you think Katniss might have for some other guy? That those are your insecurities talking?"
"What do you mean?" Peeta demanded, feeling himself starting to get angry despite himself. He glared at Rye. "What insecurities?"
"Oh come on Peeta, you know what I'm talking about," Rye muttered, looking down at the beer can in his hand.
"No, Rye, I actually don't. Enlighten me," Peeta hissed.
"Peeta, we grew up listening to Mom telling us that we were worthless. We grew up with her beating the shit out of one or the other of us on a daily basis, and Dad standing by and letting it happen," Rye snapped.
"What has that got to do with what is happening between me and Katniss now?" He wasn't sure he was comfortable at all with this turn in the conversation. The past was in the past, and he'd prefer to leave it there. They didn't talk about it. Their mother was dead, even if he still heard her voice in his head belittling him every day.
"What I am saying is, if you are doing this, divorcing Katniss, because you think you have to protect your kids from her, then I get that. But Katniss is not Mom, Peeta, and you are definitely not Dad." Rye said, looking at Peeta with an intensity he rarely showed,
Peeta shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Because without knowing it, Rye had just laid his worst fear out in front of him. That Katniss would hurt their kids, and he would be like his Dad, making only feeble attempts to stop her reckless behavior.
Could what happened in his past really be that much a factor in their divorce though?
"What happened when we were growing up never seemed to bother you that much Rye," Peeta said defensively.
"Yeah right!" Rye laughed sarcastically. "It never affected me. That's why I'm 35 years old, and still living with my Dad. Don't you think that's a little odd? I might not have a problem finding women to sleep with me Peeta, but I've never had a relationship with a woman that lasted more than a month." He raised his beer to his lips and took a deep draw.
Peeta looked at his brother, shocked by this revelation. "I didn't know you felt like that. I always thought you were happy playing the field and living with Dad." Now he really felt like crap for his earlier swipe at Rye's bachelor status.
"Yeah, well, it was fun, when I was in my twenties. But it gets old." Rye lifted his beer to lips, taking a deep swig, then wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Especially when you look at a woman in a bar and struggle to remember whether or not you've already slept with her before offering to buy her a drink," he said in a defeated tone.
"Jesus, Rye!" Peeta coughed, choking on his own beer. He felt his heart ache for his brother, a sensation he didn't usually have for easy-going Rye. Not in many years anyway. Not since they were kids or at least when their mother was alive.
"Oh don't look so shocked, I'm just being honest with you. You don't know how lucky you were when you met Katniss. I'd love to find a girl, settle down, maybe pop out a few babies of my own instead of spoiling yours. It won't be long until I'm forty, but somehow, I don't see it being on the cards for me."
"Why not? If you feel like that why don't you get out there and find someone to settle down with, bro..." Peeta asked.
"Like I told you, we're not all that lucky Peeta. It's not that easy," Rye eyed him. "Why do you think I'm encouraging you to give Katniss another chance?"
"How do I know that Katniss won't leave us again, Rye? I couldn't take it if I opened myself up and then she left again." Peeta said angrily.
"I suppose you don't know that for sure. Look, Peeta I'm not saying what Katniss did, running off like that was right, but turning your back on her is no guarantee that you won't get hurt again anyway. She did come back for you. How happy do you think you're going to be on your own? All I'm sayin' is, it's not that easy to find someone to spend your life with. You might not be so lucky again."
"Staying together for the sake of the kids is not a good enough reason to be together either, Rye. That's what Mom and Dad did and look at the disaster that turned out to be. I don't want that for my kids." Peeta recognized how bitter the words coming out of his mouth sounded.
"I know you don't, Peeta, but would it really be like that?" Rye raised his hand in submission at the look on Peeta's face. "You're the best judge of that, it's your marriage. I'm just calling it like I see it. I don't want you to make a huge mistake and regret it later."
"That's what everyone keeps saying." Peeta grumbled.
"Maybe because we care."
"Jeez, Rye, when did you get so in touch with your feelings?"
"Hey, I can be deep sometimes!" Rye chuckled. "But maybe it's the effect of this crappy beer you like. Jeez, what's wrong with domestic?" He crushed his beer can and fired it at Peeta.
Peeta ducked and grinned, feeling the tension between them slipping away.
"Can we just watch the match now, Rye?"
"Sure. I need a bathroom break anyway," Rye said, climbing of the sofa and stretching, letting out a loud belch as he did so. "You can order the pizza. No onions."
Peeta groaned. "You know I like onions!"
So much for having a quiet night with no heavy conversations, he thought.
Katniss slipped inside the house and closed the door behind her quietly, not wanting to disturb Prim and Rory who were most likely watching a movie in the living room.
She was exhausted, confused and more than a little pissed off. On the drive back to Prim's, she wracked her brain trying to think of possible reasons for the change in Peeta's mood, but decided that whatever had happened during his day to cause his sullenness with her this evening, it was nothing to do with her, and he had no business taking it out on her.
She made her way upstairs to her room, stripping of her clothes and headed for the shower. Stepping under the stream of warm water always made her feel calmer and helped her to think.
Once she had towelled off and re-dressed in a clean tank and a pair of pajama bottoms, she went back downstairs to the kitchen, putting the kettle on for hot tea.
"Prim, can I borrow your laptop?" she called into the living room.
"Sure, just don't read my tumblr page!" Prim yelled back.
"Like I really care about your fangirling..." Katniss muttered to herself and rolled her eyes. Sipping her tea, she pulled up the bookmarked pages of the rental properties she had shortlisted the other day. She shot of a quick email to the realtor, asking for an appointment to view three of the properties listed, as soon as possible.
Prim padded into the kitchen, looking like a teenager in her pink pajamas with her hair braided down her back. "Hi, we didn't hear you come in. How'd it go dropping the kids off?" she plopped down in the seat opposite Katniss.
"Peeta was being an ass," Katniss mumbled darkly, not raising her eyes from the computer screen.
"What happened?" Prim looked surprised. "He was okay this morning."
"I've no idea." Katniss replied, trying not to look bothered, even though the change in Peeta's attitude had made her really uneasy. "He made it clear he couldn't wait to get rid of me, but not before telling me he had plans for the evening."
Somewhere in the back of her mind was a niggling fear. What if the plans he mentioned were with another woman? Was he moving on from them already? She shoved those thoughts away as her phone beeped that she had a new text.
Gale: Talked to Madge. She says you should call over to the nursery to meet her on Monday am. Back in Seam. I'll be back in town in a few weeks. Hang in there, Catnip.
Katniss smiled. That was progress, at least.
"Who was that?" Prim asked nosily.
"Just Gale," Katniss smiled. "He says I'm to go see Madge Undersee on Monday about a possible job, and I've just emailed a realtor to make an appointment to look at some houses to rent.
"Wow, Katniss, you're really not letting the grass grow under your feet are you?" Prim commented. "Have you seen anything you like?"
Katniss spun the laptop around, showing Prim a picture of a neat little house on Victor's Lane.
"It's small, but I think this is the one I like best," she mused. "The rent is reasonable. Plus it's close to you, a short drive to Peeta's and I could walk to the nursery, if this job works out... "
"You really believe you and Peeta will never get back together, don't you?" Prim asked suddenly, her eyes sad as they searched Katniss' face.
Katniss froze at how the directness of the question hit her. "He hasn't given me any sign that he has changed his mind about anything," Katniss placed a hand on her stomach, hoping it would stop it churning. "If I stop and let myself focus on me and Peeta, I will fall apart and never be able to put myself back together again. I can't afford to think like that right now Prim." She looked up, her eyes growing steely. "I have my kids. I can't let them down again. Someday when they find out what happened they might be able to forgive me for leaving them, even if Peeta can't."
She rose from her seat and went to rinse her cup in the sink. "I think I'll just go to bed now Prim, I'm tired. You go spend some time with your own husband," she smiled kindly, before heading for the stairs.
"Are you going to be okay?" Prim asked.
"I don't really have a choice, do I?"
Monday morning came and Katniss was up with the sunrise. She showered and dressed, and had breakfast, wondering how early was too early to show up at the nursery. She waited until 9am before driving over to the large sprawling property on the edge of town.
She decided to take a discreet walk around to see what the place was like before seeking out Madge. Wandering through the greenhouses that held every kind of flowering plant, shrub, herbs and fruit trees was like entering a Garden of Eden to her. It made her feel calm. Smiling, she made her way to the main building, looking around for signs to direct her to the office.
"Can I help you?" a very pretty blonde woman approached her. She was about Katniss' age, with shining blue eyes and a kind smile.
"I'm looking for Madge Undersee, the manager?" Katniss replied.
"Oh, hello, you must be Katniss!" The blonde's warm friendly smile made Katniss feel at ease immediately, and she returned her smile. "Gale has told me a lot about you. I'm Madge. C'mon into the office and we'll talk." She beckoned Katniss into a small office and offered her a seat.
"I brought you a copy of my résumé, and my qualifications," Katniss offered, taking her paperwork from her bag.
"Thanks," Madge took them from her. "I'll read over them later, but Gale has already told me your qualifications, and honestly, you're over-qualified for this job, Katniss. How do you feel about that?"
"I'd be happy to get an opportunity to work somewhere that's not a store or an office. I like being outdoors and around nature and natural things. I took a walk around. Your set-up is very impressive."
"Well, thank you." Madge smiled again. "I've expanded some since I took over, and I have a staff member going on extended maternity leave at the end of next week, and I'm happy to have you, if you're happy to step in?"
"Just like that?" Katniss blurted out, a look of shock crossing her face. "I've got the job?" Then she bit on her lip to stop herself from saying something that might make Madge change her mind.
"Just like that." Madge laughed easily. "Gale's recommendation is good enough for me. He's been wonderful working with me on developing us into a tree nursery as well as a plant nursery. Having someone with your qualifications on site to talk to customers will be a real bonus, so I'm delighted to have you."
"That's great, Madge! Thank you."
"When can you start?"
They discussed a few more details, the pay and the hours, and set a date for Katniss to start work.
"Now that the formalities are out of the way, tell me a little more about you Katniss. You and Gale, how did you meet? Did you meet in college?" Madge's voice was curious.
"No, we met as kids, our parents were friends and we grew up together. We've been best friends since we were kids, and my sister is married to his brother."
"Oh I see! So you're like... family?"
Katniss nodded.
"Well, I hope we can be friends too, Katniss. I think you're going to work out great here."
Katniss thought so too. Now if the house she liked worked out the way she hoped it would, she had the foundations for rebuilding some sort of a normal life.
So, there you have it, Chapter 8. Sorry for keeping you waiting. Thanks to all those who have read and reviewed and stuck with this story so far. Special thanks also goes to three special ladies for their help with this chapter, KnottedEnergy, Court81981 and Kismet4891.
I have a confession, this chapter was originally double this length, but I decided to divide it into two separate chapters, so you won't be as long waiting for the next update. That means Chapter 9 is already written, and will be uploaded once I have a headstart on Chapter 10. :)