Degrees of Separation

by Loueze

Modern Day AU. Katniss and Peeta have been happily married for ten years, and have two young children. Peeta runs the family bakery, Katniss is a stay-at-home-Mom. What happens when everyday life throws them a few bumps along the way? Will it pull them apart forever or make them closer? Rated M for later material and adult subjects. (Banner by Ro Nordmann)

14. Chapter 14 - 2 Steps Forward 1 Step Back

A/N: Dear Readers: If you are still subscribed to this story, 21 months after the last update, then I am in awe of you. I know its been a lot longer than I anticipated, and I thank everyone for their patience. There were a lot of factors that contributed to the delay, which I won't bore you with - suffice to say, "life got in the way". A lot.

If you haven't read my one-shot "Carols on Campus" I suggest you read it before this latest update. You don't have to, but there are some links between it and this chapter, that might have more meaning if you've read the one-shot first.

There are so many people I need to thank for encouraging me to continue this story. Amongst them, my friends Notanislander, Naqia, Titania and KnottedEnergy (who has been with me since before the beginning). Peetabreadgirl for being persistant! :) I also have to thank the wonderful Court81981 for her friendship and amazing beta work. I appreciate you all. I'd also like to give a little shout out to the lovely RaissaPL, who every couple of months would drop me an ask on tumblr to see how things were going, never pressuring, usually just about when I was convinced nobody cared any more about this story. Thank you.

NGL, I nearly abandoned it. I wanted too. I have been subjected to some pretty vicious backlash for this story and in particular after I published the last chapter. My accounts on tumblr and AO3 followed, my reviews of other writer's works taken out of context and thrown back in my face as anonymous "guest reviews" here. But my friends reminded me that if I gave up, I would be letting a lot of people down and letting the haters win. So you can thank them for this continuation.

I hope it meets your expectations.

---

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Breathless, Katniss hurried up to the glass doors of the daycare centre and jabbed at the bell with a half-frozen finger, hopping from foot to foot as she waited for the low buzzing sound of the lock releasing, allowing her entry. She was only a few minutes late.

As she stepped inside, she was greeted by a very welcome blast of warm air and an equally warm smile from the girl at the reception area. She waved as she passed by, anxious to collect the kids and get them home as quickly as possible. The temperature outside was dropping fast and the roads were already icy.

"Katniss!" She skidded to a halt, cursing under her breath at the sound of her name being called. She looked back over her shoulder. Lavinia had just stepped out of her office and was hurrying towards her.

"If you're not in too much of a hurry, I was hoping I could have a quick word?" the manager asked, smiling as always.

"Oh," Katniss huffed out, still trying to catch her breath. "I hope there's nothing wrong? I know I'm a little late tonight, but the roads are quite icy…"

"No, no, everything's fine," Lavinia rushed to reassure her. "Better you arrive safely than not at all. I won't delay you. I just needed to ask you something about the little holiday recital we're having next week? I'm sure Skye has told you about it."

"She did." Katniss relaxed a little, now that she knew there was nothing wrong. "Skye hasn't stopped talking about it. She's very excited about singing, and spent all weekend practicing her piece. "

"Oh that's so sweet! I'm glad she's excited. She has such a lovely voice." Lavinia beamed. "A voice like that is such a wonderful gift. Peeta says she gets it from you—"

Katniss raised an eyebrow at this, surprised to discover that Peeta would talk about her so casually with other people, but her discomfort passed unnoticed by Lavinia, who was still talking.

"—so you will be in attendance?"

"I'll definitely be there. I wouldn't miss it," Katniss confirmed. She'd already cleared the time off with Madge and had promised Skye she'd be there.

"Wonderful! And…um… if you would like to bring a guest along, that's fine. We have plenty of room."

Katniss didn't know if she was imagining it, but there was a faint pink blush to Lavinia's usually creamy complexion and something odd in her tone that made Katniss wonder what she was really being asked.

"No, I won't be bringing anyone. My sister wanted to come, but she can't get the time off work, so it will be just me."

"Oh that's a shame!" Lavinia sounded genuine, yet somehow she looked almost… relieved. Katniss looked at her a little more closely. The bubbly redhead was definitely acting a little peculiar today.

"I'm just checking so I can estimate the numbers attending. Peeta has kindly offered to cater some refreshments afterwards, and I have to let him know how many people to expect—"

"Right, of course," Katniss murmured in response, because of course that was something Peeta would do, she thought. He always was the nice one.

"—and honestly, I don't know how you ever kept your figure so well being married to that man. His buns are to die for! There are squabbles in the staff room over them." The redhead laughed a little too brightly, clearly babbling now.

Katniss nodded with a tight-lipped smile and began to inch her way towards the door leading to the kids' rooms, hoping for a fast escape. How was she supposed to answer that? Yes, my ex has buns to die for. I hope you all enjoy them?

---

It was only much later that night, when Katniss lay curled in one small corner of her too large bed trying to fall asleep, that a possible explanation for Lavinia's odd questions came to her. Surely Lavinia didn't think Katniss would bring a date to her daughter's recital? She and Peeta had only been divorced for a few months!

A sudden fear like cold fingers crept slowly up her spine and Katniss pushed herself upright in bed, clutching the sheet to her chest as she suddenly found it difficult to breathe. Lavinia had seemed oddly uncomfortable. What did she know? Did that mean Peeta was planning on bringing someone? Was he really dating already?

Katniss shook her head and tried to suppress her growing anxiety, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She knew one day she would have to deal with Peeta being with someone else—but not at her daughter's recital. He wouldn't do that. Katniss leaned her forehead against her knees and closed her eyes, rocking gently and concentrating on her breathing as the anxiety welled in her. In through the nose, hold, then out through the mouth as Prim had showed her.

Would he?

Still the doubts crowded in her head and she sank back against the headboard, remembering how angry he'd become when she challenged him over the condoms she'd found in his room.

No, she reminded herself forcefully. No matter what, this was Peeta. He was a good man. Things had been a little less tense between them since they had talked. They were far from perfect, but it was better. She may have been the one who'd said their personal lives should be private, but she should trust him enough to know he would never spring something like that on her, or introduce someone into their childrens' lives without talking to her about it first.

But still that tiny voice of doubt in her head whispered over and over again: was he seeing someone?

After an hour tossing and turning, Katniss got up to make some tea. There was no point staying in bed; there would be little rest for her that night.

---

Katniss glanced at the time on her dashboard clock again and sighed. There were 15 minutes to go before the recital was due to begin. Knowing she could delay no further, she took a deep breath and got out of the car and joined the other parents entering the day-care. Once inside, she tried to ignore the pointed looks she received from some of the other parents as she attempted to slip unnoticed into the already crowded room. Immediately she looked around for Peeta. She had spent much of the past few days worrying about the afternoon ahead and struggling to keep her rising anxiety under control.

After a couple more restless nights, her mind finally eased a little when Peeta called and suggested they meet up at the day-care centre beforehand so they could sit together for the recital. She agreed immediately, bending almost double in relief as soon as the call ended. Even if Peeta did have someone new in his life, his call confirmed Katniss wouldn't have to deal with a face-to-face meeting with her just yet.

This outing was going to be difficult enough as it was. It was the first time since their break up that she and Peeta would be interacting with each other in public, and Katniss knew all eyes would be on them. News of their sudden divorce had shocked the whole town, and Katniss was well aware she was the subject of a lot of rumor and gossip, most of it vicious. It was hard, but she pretended not to notice the looks of disgust thrown her way in the grocery store, or not to hear the overly loud whispers in the playground.

"—poor Peeta. Such a lovely man, and devoted to his family. How could she do that to him?"

"— she abandoned her children, you know. What kind of mother does that? Disappears for months and leaves them behind."

"—then she comes crawling back, thinking Peeta would be waiting with open arms. She could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him."

People she used to think of as friends and neighbors avoided looking her in the face in the street or pretended she was invisible when she brought her children to play in the park.

It hurt that not one of them asked her what had happened or asked if she was doing okay now; they just judged her. But she could live with it. She could accept the scornful looks and the scathing remarks. She even believed she deserved them, but she needed everything to be okay today for Skye's sake. Her little girl was feeling a little shy about singing in front of so many grown-ups and had practiced her chosen piece over and over again, even though Katniss had gently suggested she might like to try some easier songs.

"It's my daddy's favourite, Mama," the little girl had argued stubbornly, a scowl rivalling Katniss' own on her face. "I want to sing this one."

After that, Katniss didn't try to sway her daughter.

She spotted Peeta over by a refreshment table talking with Lavinia and a dark-haired woman Katniss vaguely recognised as the mother of a little boy Skye liked to play with.

Katniss took a moment to study Peeta before he caught sight of her. Dressed in dark jeans and a blue button-down shirt for the occasion, he looked so handsome that it made her heart flutter in her chest. He looked good, better than she had seen him look in a long time. She could tell he was still a little thin, but the dark shadows were finally gone from beneath his eyes. His handsome face was clean-shaven and his blond waves freshly trimmed — but still long enough to run my fingers through, Katniss thought instantly.

Unbidden, an old memory came to the forefront of her mind and she had to close her eyes against the sudden assault of feelings: Peeta, back in the apartment she and Annie had shared in college, laughing at her as she scowled and tried to comb her fingers through his short waves after a visit to the barber's.

"Why did you cut it so short?" she pouted as she straddled him on her bed. "Now I can't wind my fingers through it."

"Kat, it's been so hot this summer, and I didn't think you'd care," Peeta replied, pulling her down for a slow kiss. "It'll grow back."

"I guess." Katniss stroked her hands slowly over his shorn curls. He dipped his head and rubbed soft circles against her face and neck, causing Katniss to laugh and squirm in his arms. "It tickles a little, but it still feels nice." she grinned, and quickly Peeta flipped her over so she was trapped beneath him.

"I promise next time I'll tell them to leave it long enough for you to pull," he whispered sultrily into her ear, tickling her sides and making her laugh again before slowly sliding his way down her body, teasing her bare skin all the way. "Let's see if this tickles, shall we?" He winked up at her as he parted her thighs, letting his head came to a rest between them as he thoroughly made it up to her.

From then on Peeta kept his promise, never cutting his hair so short again, and it had become a private joke between them, one of those little intimacies that exist privately between couples.

"Excuse me." Another parent brushed past her and Katniss was rudely jerked back to reality. Jeez, keep it together, Katniss, she scolded herself, looking around as she felt the heat in her cheeks. This was not the time or the place to be thinking inappropriate thoughts of her ex. Hastily she looked over to where Peeta was still busy chatting. He didn't appear to have noticed her presence yet. He was smiling and relaxed as he chuckled at something the dark-haired woman said to him. She squeezed her thighs together and hoped nobody else had noticed her odd behavior.

As if he could feel her eyes resting on him, Peeta looked up and their eyes met. He gave her a crooked half-smile and lifted his hand in greeting. Katniss hoped she looked calm and casual as she returned his wave, inclining her head and pointing towards a row of seats to let him know where she would be sitting. He nodded his understanding, and then turned away again, this time bending his head to listen attentively to the perpetually smiling Lavinia as she talked.

It was a full ten minutes later when Peeta finally managed to detach himself and moved to sit beside Katniss.

"Hi," he whispered. "Sorry about that. These parents can be a little difficult to get away from—"

"That's okay," Katniss interrupted him smoothly. During those few minutes she'd watched how easily he conversed with the other parents, and it made her feel the distance between them more acutely. "Look, here come the kids!" She pointed towards the opening door, grateful for the timely distraction.

Skye and Aran were in one of the last groups, and as soon as Skye spotted her parents she began to wave excitedly. Katniss waved back then gasped out loud.

"Peeta, look!" she squealed and pointed, "they're in costumes!"

Skye was wearing a cute little green and red dress, complete with striped tights and a pointy hat perched on top of her dark curls, red circles painted on the apples of her cheeks. She looked like the perfect little elf. Holding tightly on to his big sister's hand, Aran toddled along in a Rudolph onesie, complete with antlers and a red painted nose.

"I know," Peeta smirked, looking pleased. "Don't they look cute?"

"Sooo cute! Did you do this?" She turned her gleaming eyes up to him.

"With a lot of help from old Sae," he nodded, grinning back at her. "Skye wanted to surprise you."

"Well, she succeeded and they look adorable!" Katniss laughed out loud, turning to wave at the kids again. "I wish I could take a photo for Prim!"

"After the show." Peeta smiled. "Lavinia asks that no photos be taken until then."

Once all the kids were settled down on cushions in a big semi-circle in front of the makeshift stage, the music began, as each age group performed their own little pieces for the crowd. The afternoon raced by. The room grew warm and Katniss found herself relaxing, forgetting about the other parents around her and enjoying the atmosphere. Peeta seemed to be enjoying it to, humming along to the Christmas carols, a smile on his face. Too soon Lavinia was stepping up to the front to thank everyone for coming.

"You're all welcome to stay and join us for some refreshments, courtesy of Mellark's Bakery." She smiled at the crowd. "Thank you all for coming and sharing a wonderful afternoon. From myself and all my staff, I'd like to wish you all Happy Holidays. We'll finish with one final performance from our little songbird, Miss Skye Mellark!"

The parents all clapped politely as Skye stepped forward on her own, her blue eyes immediately seeking out Katniss in the crowd.

Peeta's jaw dropped. "Katniss, did you know about this?" he asked, turning to her.

"I did," she confirmed. "I guess I'm not the only one of us Skye planned a surprise for. Now shush… this is for you." Katniss sat up straighter and leaned forward in her seat. Skye locked her eyes on her mother's and as the room settled down she quietly began to sing, just the slightest hint of her natural shyness showing in her sweet, childlike voice. Katniss smiled encouragingly, knowing Skye needed her right now. Inside, her stomach was in butterflies but she didn't let it show. She was anxious about Skye's carol too, but for a totally different reason.

Silent Night,

Holy Night,

All is calm,

All is bright,

As Skye's confidence grew her voice grew stronger, pure and sweet and true, and the whole room fell silent to listen. Katniss barely heard Peeta's sharp intake of breath and sensed rather than saw him go rigid in his seat beside her. She bit her lip and twisted her fingers together, forcing her eyes to stay with their daughter for now, but within moments Skye smiled at her mother and visibly relaxed, looking away and allowing Katniss an opportunity to risk a brief glance at Peeta. She immediately wished she hadn't.

His face was drained of it's color and his blue eyes were wide and glassy as he stared at Skye, his expression a combination of pain mixed with joy and overwhelming pride. Instinctively, Katniss reached down and laid her left hand lightly over his where it rested on his thigh, and squeezed gently. Beneath her hand she could feel him trembling. He jumped a little at her touch and looked down at their hands. At first, Katniss thought he was going to pull away, then she felt a deep shudder run through him, and he twisted his palm upwards, winding his fingers together loosely with hers. He turned his head to look at her and for the brief moment that their eyes connected, Katniss was knocked back by raw heartbreak she saw in his.

"Peeta?" she choked out, his name dying in her throat as words failed her. Not knowing what to say, she squeezed his hand again instead.

Round yon virgin, mother and child

Holy infant, tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace,

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Wordlessly he shook his head slightly, pulling his eyes away from hers and looking back at Skye, but he didn't let go of Katniss's hand. She watched as he fixed a smile to his face that, to anyone else in the room would look bright and happy, but she knew it was all for their daughter's benefit.

Anxiously, Katniss turned her own attention back to Skye, who didn't seem to notice anything wrong with her parents.

"Peeta?" she tried again as Skye finished and dipped into a curtsy, while the whole room burst into applause. "Are you okay? Please, don't be upset..."

"It's alright, Katniss… I'm okay." Peeta's lips lifted into a genuine smile this time, even if it was shaky and his eyes still glinted. "I'm not upset. She sang wonderfully, didn't she?" He squeezed Katniss's hand, pride evident in his voice as he gazed adoringly at their daughter.

"Yes, she did." Katniss smiled softly, the look on his face making her feel warm. "She practiced so hard. She really wanted to sing this for you. She knows it's your favorite carol."

"Your mother's favorite too," Peeta reminded her as he gently let go of her hand so he could blow kisses at Skye and join in with the applause of the other parents. Katniss felt the loss of his warmth the second his fingers slipped from hers. She wanted nothing more than to grab his hand back again, but she let go, her heart aching at the loss of his touch.

"I remember when you told me that your father would sing 'Silent Night' for your mother every Christmas Eve and that it was one of your happiest memories."

Katniss nodded, blinking to hide the sudden tears that had sprung to her eyes at the memory of her parents.

"I don't have many happy memories of this past year." Peeta's voice was low, meant only for her ears as he kept his gaze still locked on Skye. "I guess you don't either. But this…" he smiled widely at Skye, who beamed back and waved cheerily, "…this is going to be a happy memory." He finally turned his eyes back to meet Katniss. "One of those special memories I will treasure forever. Like another I have of a dark-haired girl singing "Silent Night" at Christmas."

Katniss stared into his blue eyes, feeling her heart shatter all over again. There was a softness to his expression that she hadn't seen in so long it made her heart lurch with how much she wanted him to keep looking at her that way.

"Peeta, do you think we can still make happy memories?" she asked, aware of how much she was exposing of herself at that moment, her emotions making her voice hoarse, but she didn't care. "For them?"

"I think I'd like to try." Peeta stared back at her, reading her face. "I think I'd like that very much." He broke his gaze away from her and looked around at the other parents now milling around the refreshments tables. "Let's start by collecting our kids and then we getting out of here. We can go somewhere quieter and get some hot chocolate. We need to talk about our holiday plans anyway."

"You get the kids. I'll go get their things." Katniss smiled.

"Okay. I'll make our excuses." Peeta stood, and began making his way towards the front of the room.

Katniss wove quickly through the crowd towards the double doors and out into the corridor leading back to the various rooms. She quickly located the kids' stuff and made her way back.

"Thank you again for everything you did today, Peeta. The food is wonderful."

Katniss slowed her silent footsteps as she heard Lavinia's now familiar feminine tone followed by Peeta's deeper one.

"You're welcome. Thank you for going to so much trouble for the kids. The afternoon was a great success."

"Do you really have to leave so soon? Are you sure you can't stay a little longer?"

Katniss turned the corner to see Peeta standing with Aran in his arms, Skye holding onto his hand.

"Mama!" Skye cried, revealing Katniss's presence, and both Peeta and Lavinia's heads turned towards her. Skye came running, her arms up, bouncing and twirling on the balls of her feet in excitement. "Did you see me? Was I good?"

Katniss caught her easily and swept her up in a tight hug, spinning her around. "You were sooo good, little girl, and you look amazing! I am so so proud of you!"

"Do you think the birds would stop to listen to me?" Skye giggled, flinging her arms around her mother's neck. "Like you say they used to do for Grandpa Everdeen?"

Katniss laughed too. "I'm sure they would." She kissed her daughter's cheek before squeezing her again. As she did she glanced up at Peeta, who was watching them with a strange look on his face.

"Are you nearly ready to go?" she asked, handing him Aran's jacket.

"Sure," he replied, seemingly shaking himself out of his daze. "Goodnight, Lavinia." He turned to the other woman, who nodded graciously.

"Goodnight, Peeta, Katniss. Thank you both for coming, and for the lovely treats."

"Thank you, Lavinia" Katniss tagged on. "Everything was great."

"You're very welcome, Katniss, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Have a good evening." With a smile the red-head pushed her way back through the door into the main room where the festivities continued.

"She's really lovely," Katniss murmured to no one in particular.

"She loves kids," Peeta answered, non-commitally. "C'mon, lets go."

---

Half an hour later, Katniss sat on a stool in the warm kitchen of Mellark's Bakery while Peeta stirred hot chocolate on the stove.

After sweeping Katniss up in a warm hug and making a fuss over his grandchildren, Michael had led the children away into the store front with the promise of sugar cookies and had left the two of them to talk. But not before he extracted a promise from Katniss that she'd call by the bakery more often.

"You know you don't have to avoid my family, Katniss. My father misses you," Peeta said quietly as he stirred the milk.

"I miss him too," Katniss replied. "I guess it just feels…" Katniss paused, and Peeta watched the emotions flit across her face as she struggled for the right words to express herself. "I guess it feels too soon? I-I'm still not sure where all the boundaries are."

Peeta nodded. "I think I know what you mean. I suppose we're all still adjusting."

It was Katniss' turn to watch him as he poured the steaming mixture into mugs and topped them off with whipped cream.

"So," Peeta began, placing one in front of Katniss, "Christmas. How are we going to do this?"

Cautiously, Katniss took a sip of the hot drink. She couldn't escape the groan that escaped her as the rich chocolate flavour filled her mouth. "Damn, that's so good…" she mumbled.

"Starbucks not quite measure up, huh?" Peeta grinned. "I've seen you leaving their store with to-go cups and I know for a fact you don't like pumpkin spice lattes."

"Don't judge me." Katniss scowled, gulping down another mouthful as Peeta smirked, taking a sip from his own cup.

"Have you made any plans for the holidays yet?" Katniss put down her mug and licked her lips, something she only did when she was nervous. "I know that technically Christmas falls on your time, but I'd really like to spend some time with the kids that day, if you agree."

Peeta nodded immediately. He'd been actively avoiding all thoughts of Christmas ever since he'd spent a miserable Thanksgiving with his Dad and Rye, pretending to be okay with their company and the football, when all he could really think about was how much he missed being apart from his own little family, even if it was only for a few hours.

"I haven't gotten around to making any solid plans yet. It's such a busy time of year at the bakery. I guess I should be better prepared, but yes, of course we can share the day. We just need to work out the details."

"I'm so glad you agree." He heard Katniss's audible exhale of breath and looked up just in time to see the genuine relief on her face before it disappeared from her expression. He frowned. Had she really thought there was a chance he'd refuse? He studied her face, hoping she would look up at him again and see by his eyes that he would never deny her or the kids something as special as spending time together at Christmas.

"What about you? Any plans yet?" he queried, wondering briefly if he should invite Katniss to have Christmas dinner at the bakery. Maybe they could all sit around a table and eat a meal together. He knew his father would be delighted to have her.

"Not really. I didn't want to decide anything until I talked to you first." Katniss shrugged. "Prim and Rory are staying in town for Christmas this year. They've invited me to have dinner with them. Hazelle and Posy are invited too. They've even invited Haymitch."

"Oh," was all Peeta could say. He should have anticipated that. Prim and Rory usually spent Christmas in Seam with the Hawthornes, and he and Katniss would see them for New Year's. Of course with everything that had happened Prim would stay in town this year for her sister. He sipped his drink thoughtfully. If Prim had invited all her in-laws to town for Christmas, did that mean Gale would be coming too?

"What do you think we should do about the kids, then?" he asked tentatively, trying to put thoughts of Gale spending Christmas with Katniss aside.

"I don't know," Katniss answered. "I thought maybe you could bring them over to my place for a couple of hours after they'd opened their gifts? Or I could come over really early before they wake up?"

"Why don't you come over late on Christmas Eve? Stay the night." Peeta offered. The words were out of his mouth before he'd really thought them through, and by look of shock on Katniss' face he knew instantly that he'd said the wrong thing. "In the guest room, of course!" he tacked on quickly, " I didn't mean—"

"Oh, I don't know if that would be such a good idea, Peeta," Katniss looked doubtful, shaking her head.

Peeta didn't know where to look, embarrassed by his impulsive offer. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

"Please, don't take this the wrong way," Katniss said quickly, seeing the mortification on his face. She reached out and touched the back of his hand, drawing his attention back to her. "I appreciate the offer, I really do. But don't you think that me staying over would be confusing for the kids, especially Skye? It might give her the wrong idea..." She dropped her pleading eyes from Peeta's face. They fell into an awkward silence.

Peeta cleared his throat. "Yes, you're absolutely right," he agreed softly. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. You're right; it wouldn't be fair."

"But I could come over early on Christmas morning." Katniss looked back up at him, her face brightening into a hopeful smile. "If I come early enough, I could see them opening their gifts."

Peeta nodded. "Yeah, I think that will work. If they wake too early, I could keep them occupied for a while until you get there."

"Are you sure? That part might not be so easy," Katniss said, a soft laugh escaping her throat, her eyes amused, teasing him like they used to.

Peeta watched her, warmed by the fact that he had drawn a laugh from her. He knew he shouldn't, but he enjoyed hearing that gentle sound more than he wanted to admit. "I think I can manage it. Then we could spend a few hours with them, together, until you need to go to Prim's."

Katniss nodded. "I really like that idea. Thank you, Peeta. That'd be great."

"You're welcome. It's a plan, then." Peeta looked over at Katniss again, taking in the familiar sight of her in his father's kitchen. He could do this. He could let her a little way into his life again.

It's for the kids, he told himself. All for the sake of the kids.

---

"Good morning, um… Merry Christmas, Peeta," Katniss offered as she stood awkwardly by the back door leading directly into Peeta's warm kitchen.

"Shsssshh… they're still asleep," Peeta kept his voice low as he waved her in with a small smile and closed the door quietly behind her. "You're early." He was dressed like he had just rolled out of bed, in navy sleep pants hanging low on his hips and an old t-shirt, with thick socks on his feet. His hair was an unruly mess of waves around his head, and a light dusting of stubble was visible on his jaw. Katniss heart ached at the warring feelings of loneliness and familiarity that seeing him dressed like this, so early in the morning, reawakened in her. She missed him so badly.

"I couldn't sleep. I was worried I'd be too late and they'd be awake before I got here," she whispered back. Without conscious thought she shrugged out of her jacket and unwound the scarf from around her neck, shaking the melting snow from her hair as she hung them both on a hook behind the door. Bending down, she slipped her boots off and lined them up neatly beside some others on a mat by the back door. Old habits really do die hard, she thought suddenly, when she realised what she'd done. Looking up she caught a brief glimpse of Peeta watching her before he looked away again.

"You must have been up early too," she said brightly, hoping to cover up the sudden awkwardness, as she noted the freshly baked cinnamon rolls cooling on a rack and smelled the aromas of coffee and vanilla. "The sun is barely up."

"Baker's hours. You know how it is," Peeta shrugged nonchalantly from the counter where he was now stirring batter for pancakes. "Aran fell asleep like usual, but Skye was so excited last night that she didn't drift off until late. She kept thinking she could hear sleigh bells and hooves on the roof." Peeta grinned. "They should be awake soon. Do you want some tea or coffee or something? The cinnamon rolls are ready."

"No, that's okay. I can wait. I'm just excited to see their faces when they see what Santa has brought them."

"Then let's go wake them up, what do you say?" Peeta flashed another smile that made her heart do the fluttering thing again as he moved to the sink to wash his hands quickly.

"Sure." Katniss hovered, waiting for him to finish, unsure whether to lead the way or follow him, until Peeta pushed open the door to the living room and held it open for her. "After you," he said, and stood aside to let Katniss brush past him, their bodies almost touching in the confined space.

Katniss gasped as she caught sight of the glittering decorations and the mound of beautifully wrapped gifts stacked under the colorful tree full of twinkling lights. Like an awestruck child herself, she stopped and turned in a slow circle, taking it all in. "Oh, Peeta! It looks like Santa's grotto in here!"

"Thanks," he responded modestly, and Katniss watched as pink began to rise in his cheeks, like it always used to do whenever she complimented him. "I wanted to try and keep everything… um, make everything as—" his voice trailed off, leaving Katniss to finish the sentence for him.

"—as normal as possible." Katniss said the words softly. At the same moment she noticed the stockings hanging over the fireplace. Instead of the usual four there were only two, one each for Skye and Aran, their names embroidered in silver thread on the red felt. The absence of the matching pair with her and Peeta's names hit her like a physical blow, but Katniss understood immediately why Peeta hadn't hung them up this year. This was all an illusion, a pretence put on for the sake of their kids that their family wasn't completely shattered.

"I was going to say traditional." Peeta answered, sadness in his tone. "How we always did things. But yeah, I guess normal is right too."

"Well, you did a beautiful job, Peeta. Everything looks amazing. The kids are going to love it." She took a moment to compose her expression before turning back around, hoping Peeta wouldn't notice if her smile was a little shaky.

"You helped too," Peeta offered generously, his blue eyes sincere as they met hers. "Thank you for sending the tree over from the nursery. It was perfect. And I would never have figured out what gifts to get the kids, let alone found time to shop for them if you hadn't—"

"Daddy! Daddy, where are you? Are you down there?"

The sound of running footsteps on a hardwood floor and an excited child-like voice drifted down the stairs.

"Katniss, quick, grab the camera!" Peeta pointed towards the mantle, where his old Canon sat ready, a wide grin splitting his face as he immediately bounded towards the stairs.

Katniss moved quickly, knowing exactly what to do. This was something else they always did since they first had Skye. On Christmas morning one of them would bring her downstairs while the other waited at the bottom with the camera poised, ready to capture the wonder of their child's expression when she got her first glimpse of whatever Santa had delivered. This felt good. It felt right.

The next few hours had passed in a blur of twinkling lights, children's laughter, torn gift wrapping and cardboard boxes. The year before, Aran had been too young to know what was going on, and while he still wasn't old enough to understand everything this year, he joined in enthusiastically, ripping the bright wrapping from the gifts gathered beneath the tree. In typical boy fashion, he was more interested in playing with the empty boxes than the toys inside.

After the initial excitement of opening gifts had passed, Peeta served a breakfast fit for a king – a veritable feast of cinnamon rolls and blueberry pancakes, fluffy eggs and crispy bacon, with warm toast made from bread baked fresh that morning, slathered in butter.

By mid-morning they dressed the children and took them for a long walk in the park, enjoying the weak winter sunshine and crisp December air. Peeta pushed Aran along on his new tricycle and Skye proudly pushed her new baby doll, complete with her own little orange blanket, in her stroller.

After coming home and enjoying a light lunch, Peeta cleaned up while Katniss sat cross-legged on the floor with Aran sleeping on her lap, one hand absently stroking his curls as she rocked him gently, the other turning the pages of a storybook she was reading aloud. At her feet Skye sat listening to the story while mimicking her mother's actions with her doll.

Peeta watched them unnoticed, lulled into a sense of peace at the sight of his children and their mother together. It was something he hadn't really seen in a long time. All too soon, it seemed, Katniss' phone beeped with an incoming message. She pulled the phone from her back pocket and swiped the screen.

Peeta noticed her face falling slightly as she read the message.

"It's Prim," she said quietly. "The Hawthornes have arrived and dinner will be ready in an hour."

"I guess you have to go, then."

"I guess so."

"Do you really have to go, Mama?" Skye piped up, her bottom lip looking a little wobbly.

"I do, sweetie." Katniss reached out and ran her hand through Skye's glossy black curls. "But I'll come get you and your brother tomorrow and we can spend the whole day together with your Aunt Prim and Grandma Hazelle. Will that be okay?"

Peeta climbed to his feet and shuffled over to the Christmas tree, rooting behind it to the very back for a gift that had gone unnoticed earlier. He looked slightly uneasy as he approached, and clearing his throat, he offered the gift to Katniss.

"Before you go, I—well, we got you something. From the kids. I hope that's okay."

"Peeta, you didn't have to do that." Katniss replied, shocked. "I didn't expect a gift."

"I know. But it's Christmas." He shrugged and rubbed his neck self-consciously. "It's not much."

Katniss stared down at the gift in his hands. It was wrapped in deep green paper patterned with Christmas trees and a red bow was attached with a simple tag in Peeta's handwriting: "For Mama."

Looking from the gift to his face, Katniss reached out and took it with trembling hands, completely touched that he would do this for her, after everything.

"Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Katniss," Peeta replied simply.

Katniss felt the wrapping paper crinkle beneath her fingers, and knew the contents of the artfully wrapped gift were something soft. Lifting it up to her ear, she shook it gently.

"What is it?" she bent and whispered loudly to Skye and Aran, who had woken up from his nap. "Do you know?"

"Open it and see!" Skye gave an excited laugh and Aran reached forward to tug at the bow.

"You want to help me open it, baby boy?" Katniss laughed as she let Aran enthusiastically rip into the paper, revealing a pair of pale yellow pyjamas in cotton so fine it felt like silk to the touch. There was also a matching robe.

"These are gorgeous, thank you!" she exclaimed, feeling tears welling in her eyes for the hundredth time that day as she pulled both her children into her in a tight hug. "And thank you," she mouthed over their heads to their father.

"You're welcome," Peeta mouthed the words back with a pleased smile.

"We went to the store and I helped Daddy pick them out," Skye giggled, her face pressed against Katniss's side as she hugged her back. "You always say that you're cold in bed, Mama. Now you won't be cold anymore."

Katniss stiffened at Skye's innocent words, hoping Peeta didn't pick up on them, but it was too late – a quick glance at him revealed that he'd already realised their significance and his widened eyes immediately locked on hers in shock.

Katniss tried to shake it off, and looked away hastily, wanting nothing more than to avoid his searching gaze. "I got you something from the kids too. One second…" Quickly she ran into the kitchen for her bag and pulled out a wrapped package. It wasn't nearly as nicely wrapped as the one Peeta gave her, but she'd done her best. The purchase had been an impulse buy, and she hadn't been sure before now whether she'd even give it to him or not.

She stopped at the sink and quickly threw some cold water on her heated face and smoothed down her braid before re-entering the living room.

"Katniss, I really wasn't expecting anything..." Peeta looked up at her, his own cheeks flushed a little red as he took the offered gift.

"Open it, Daddy!" Skye crowed, Aran joining in gleefully. "Open, open!"

With a grin at the kids, Peeta began to slowly and methodically unwrap his gift, folding back the paper neatly and revealing a soft knitted sweater in a beautiful shade of dark red.

"This is great, Katniss, thank you," he murmured softly, lifting the sweater up to admire it.

Katniss squirmed a little in her seat. The intense way he was looking at her made her feel like all the air was being sucked out of the room.

"I-I wasn't sure about the color, but if you don't like it you can exchange it..."she began nervously, fingering the tip of her braid.

Peeta shook his head. "No, I like it. Really. It's a very thoughtful gift." He swallowed tightly. "It will keep me warm too."

Their eyes met and a moment of mutual understanding passed between them, an unspoken acknowledgment that each missed the other.

"Thank you for agreeing to spend the day together, Peeta. It was lovely." Katniss stood and brushed some random glitter from her clothes and slowly began to gather her things. "But I guess I really should get going. Prim will be expecting me."

"Okay." Peeta nodded, standing too and awkwardly following her to the kitchen where she dressed slowly in her coat and boots, winding her scarf around her neck. Finally she moved to kiss the children, pulling them both into her in a tight hug and whispering how much she loved them in their ears.

"I don't want you to go, Mama." Skye wrapped her arms around her mother's legs and held on tight. "I want you to stay here with us."

Katniss immediately got down on her knees and took her daughter into her arms as Peeta scooped Aran up into his.

"Skye, listen to me." She spoke calmly, cupping her daughter's cheek in her hand and looking deep into her blue eyes. "I know you don't want me to go, but your daddy is going to take you over to see your Grandpa and your Uncle Rye soon for dinner and you'll have a lovely time." She smiled reassuringly. "Don't forget, tomorrow we'll have the whole day together, just like I promised. Okay?"

"Okay," Skye agreed reluctantly, clutching onto her baby doll. "But I don't like it."

"I know, little girl, I know." Katniss pressed a kiss to the top of her head, her eyes burning. She looked upwards at Peeta and could see the same anguish on his face that she felt in her heart, as reality crashed back in on them and the bubble of the lovely day they'd spent began to deflate.

"Bye bye, Mama, bye bye!" Aran waved cheerfully at her from his father's arms, and it hurt almost worse than Skye's distress. He was still so young, and it killed Katniss that he was already used to partings like these — that he would never remember their family any differently. Katniss stepped close and kissed his cheek, stroking it gently with her index finger. "Bye bye, sweet boy."

"Katniss, wait—" Peeta spoke just as she had her hand on the door ready to open it, and she looked back.

"—one more thing." He picked up a Tupperware box from the counter and offered it to her.

"What's this?" she asked.

"It's a batch of my frosted Christmas cookies," Peeta answered, "I made them for Prim. I thought you could bring them over for after dinner. She always liked them."

"She does," Katniss smiled. "She'll love them. I'm surprised you remembered."

Peeta shrugged. "It's second nature. I bake a batch just for her every year. This year was no different."

"You're a kind man, Peeta Mellark." Without thinking Katniss stepped forward and brushed her lips against his cheek in a light peck. She felt rather than heard Peeta's faint gasp, and for a second Katniss imagined she'd felt him lean into her touch.

She stepped back and with another deep breath she opened the door and stepped outside, turning to look back at her family one more time. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked.

Peeta nodded. "Tomorrow," he confirmed, and Katniss knew by the look on his face he was finding this as difficult as she was. He moved forward, but Katniss raised her hand to stop him. "Don't bring them outside, Peeta, it's too cold," she said, her voice breaking a little and she knew by his eyes Peeta understood. It was hard to leave and she didn't want the kids to watch her going on Christmas. Katniss gave him one last grateful smile, closing the door softly behind her and dashing to her car before the tears came.

Back inside the kitchen, Skye stood clinging to Peeta's side.

"Please Daddy, tell her to come back!" she pleaded. "I don't want Mama to go, why can't she come to Grandpa's for dinner with us?" Peeta heard the tears choking her voice. He looked down at his daughter's sad face and knew he didn't have a simple answer for her. He tried for reasoning.

"Hey, it's not so bad. You'll see your Mama again tomorrow and can spend all day with her and your Aunt Prim and Uncle Rory. Grandma Hazelle is visiting too!," he tried to keep his tone upbeat, hoping it offered some comfort. "Won't that be fun?"

"This sucks!" Skye cried, and ran into the living room, flinging herself face down on the sofa.

"Skye?" Peeta rushed after her, settling Aran down on the floor as he reached for his little girl.

"I asked Santa to bring Mama home for Christmas and I thought that's what he did!" the little girl sobbed, tears running down her face. "I didn't know she'd have to go away again. I want Mama to stay home with us Daddy!"

"Oh sweetheart," Peeta rocked her in his arms and let her cry it out against his shoulder. For once he was at a loss for words. He was out of his depth and didn't know how to console her and he knew deep in his heart that he wanted the exact same thing.

---

Peeta flopped down on the sofa and clicked on the TV, quickly scanning through his Netflix queue, hoping for a good movie or something to occupy his mind. He was so bored. He'd packed away all the Christmas decorations and cleaned the house and now he was at a loose end. The kids were with Katniss and weren't due back home until the following evening. His dad and Rye were away visiting Graham. Finnick said Annie had made dinner plans for them with a friend.

Saturday night used to be his favorite night of the week. He'd make homemade pizza and Katniss would pop fresh popcorn and they'd all pile on the sofa to watch Disney movies until the kids fell asleep. Once they were tucked up in bed, he and Katniss would share the rest of the food with some wine or his favourite beers and then they'd sleep in late on Sunday morning, waking in each other's arms, followed by a leisurely breakfast.

"Stop it, Peeta," he berated himself. He was tired; it had been a difficult couple of days, and dwelling on the past constantly going over happier times in his head was dragging him down. He and Katniss had made some real progress over Christmas and he needed to try and focus on that.

He was worried about Skye too. Until now he thought she'd been handling the adjustment really well, but she'd been quiet and moody ever since her meltdown on Christmas Day and he was keeping a close eye on her.

But he was going crazy sitting at home, thinking. He needed to find a healthy way to channel his energy, some way to occupy himself when the kids were with Katniss. He could take up going to the gym with Rye, but lifting didn't appeal to him. Besides, he lifted enough 100-lb bags of flour in the bakery every day to keep him in shape. Or, he glanced around the room at the various pieces of artwork decorating the walls. He could return to his first love: Art.

His eyes drifted to where a small watercolour of a sunset over a white sandy beach hung on the wall. It was the last piece he remembered completing — the view from the balcony of the hotel room he and Katniss had stayed in for their honeymoon. They'd gone back to the same small beachfront hotel owned by Finnick's Aunt Mags for their tenth anniversary and had laughed when Mags had teased them about making an advanced booking for their twenty-fifth.

Peeta shook his head to push the memory away. When did life get so busy that they stopped doing anything for themselves? Sure, he finger-painted and did crafts with the kids all the time, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd picked up his paintbrushes for his own pleasure.

He thought about Katniss, remembering how she used to run every day. She loved archery, hunting, and hiking, but at some point she had stopped making time for those things too. Frowning, he tried to recall when that was, but found that he couldn't.

Now, in hindsight, he could see they'd stopped making time for each other too. They didn't plan regular date nights or go out alone much. Every waking moment not working they spent with their family.

But isn't that what's supposed to happen when you have young children? he thought, as he rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. Maybe he should have taken up his Dad's offer to go visit Graham this weekend. The house felt too empty and his thoughts were too noisy tonight. Spending time with Katniss and the kids had felt good, but it had pulled the scab off his barely healing wounds, making him miss her more than ever.

He'd thought a lot about the time they'd spent together over the last few days. He'd noticed how much calmer and more relaxed Katniss was with Aran and how contentedly their son had slept with his mother's arms wrapped protectively around him. He'd also seen how serene Katniss had looked holding her son close, her own eyes half-closed as she rocked him gently, humming the familiar lullaby she always sang to their babies. He knew that woman. She was his Katniss, the woman who loved her children unconditionally. Not the one who ran away and left them behind. More and more he could see his Katniss, but who had that other Katniss been? The one who had left and hurt him - them - so badly?

It didn't help that his loneliness was compounded by the news from his eldest brother. Graham and Becky had married just over a year ago and moved to Becky's hometown to open their own bakery. They'd skyped after dinner on Christmas Day, saying that everything was going great, their business was doing well, and they'd just put a down payment on a house they liked. But their big news was that they were expecting their first child to arrive in the summer.

Peeta had joined in and congratulated his brother and sister-in-law warmly, but couldn't deny the jealousy that welled up in him at hearing his brother's news. The excitement in Graham's voice only served to remind him of the joy he'd felt both times he and Katniss found out they had a little one on the way. Would he ever know joy like that again? He didn't know if he even wanted to feel that way again if it wasn't with Katniss. He was truly happy for his brother, but he couldn't face going to see Graham now in his newlywedded bliss while the wounds left by the collapse of his own marriage were still so fresh.

Throwing the remote aside, he gave up on TV and glanced at his phone. It was only a little after 8pm and he was going crazy. He got up and started prowling restlessly around the room. He considered driving into town and calling into Delly's, but he really didn't want to turn into the kind of guy who propped up a bar on lonely Saturday nights.

He'd just decided to go and search through the bedroom closet for his paints when his phone buzzed loudly, causing him to startle. A quick glance showed the screen lighting up with Katniss' name.

He felt his heart rate accelerate as he snatched it up. Katniss usually texted, and never this late, so this must be something to do with the kids.

"Katniss? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he cut in abruptly before giving her a chance to speak.

"Peeta, calm down, there's no cause for alarm," she answered, clearly a little surprised at his outburst. "Everything is fine."

"Then why are you calling me?" he barked, his nerves getting the better of him. "It's almost 9 o'clock. You never call me this late."

He was met by a stunned silence on the other end of the line and Peeta silently cursed himself. He'd spoken too sharply and now he had probably irritated her.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you. If you let me get a word in, I'll tell you why I called."

Peeta groaned inwardly at the distance that had crept into Katniss tone. It was the same tone she used when they'd fight, and it meant her guard was up, humming between them like an electric fence that could kill him if he touched it. He hated that tone; it made him feel small. Sometimes it reminded him of the frosty way his mother would speak to him when he fucked up an order or burnt a batch of bread.

Running his hand through his hair, he took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "I'm sorry, Katniss, I didn't mean to snap at you. You're not disturbing me. It's just you don't usually call this late and I panicked a little."

"There's nothing wrong," Katniss assured him, her tone immediately softening into something more like her. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to scare you. I probably should have texted you instead."

"Why did you call?"

"Skye forgot her blanket. It's not in her backpack with the rest of her things and you know how she can't settle down to sleep without it. So I was wondering if now is…is—" she stuttered to a stop mid-sentence, and Peeta sensed her sudden hesitancy.

"If now is what?" he prompted her. He could hear her taking a deep breath before she answered.

"If now would be a good time for me to come pick it up?" Her voice shook slightly.

Peeta closed his eyes, wincing as he remembered exactly how viciously he had once thrown those exact words at her. In that moment he knew she was thinking of it too.

"Sure. It's a good time," he answered quietly, rubbing circles round his temple with the fingers of his free hand. He glanced out the window at the light snow that was beginning to fall. "Though I think it might be better if I bring it to you instead. It's freezing outside and it's snowing again."

"Oh, no! Uh, I mean, no that's not necessary, Peeta. I don't want to put you out..."

Peeta furrowed his brows at the weird, panicked edge that had entered her tone. Why didn't she want him to come over? It made much more sense for him to go to her, rather than her taking two kids out after dark in this weather.

"It's not putting me out. I was on my way out anyway." He hoped the little white lie would put an end to Katniss' protests. He may not be married to her any longer, but he still wasn't comfortable with the idea of her out driving this late, with the kids, in these conditions. The thought of any of them getting into an accident sent shivers down his spine.

"No, really, Peeta, it's fine, I can be there in—"

"Katniss, honestly it's not a problem," Peeta interrupted her, rolling his eyes a little. She was as stubborn as ever. "It's dark out and my car is safer to drive in this weather. I'll be there as quickly as I can."

"But, Prim can—"

Before she could object further, he pressed the 'end call' button and took the stairs two at a time, glad to finally have something to do. He checked Skye's room and sure enough, there, hidden under her pillow, was the forgotten blanket. He rubbed the soft material between his hands, puzzled by how Skye had forgotten it. She always kept it close and he distinctly remembered reminding her to put it in her backpack before he dropped the kids off with Katniss that morning.

Hurrying to his own room, he threw on a clean pair of jeans, his boots, and the soft red sweater Katniss had given him from the kids for Christmas. Grabbing his phone and wallet, he locked up the house, and fifteen minutes later he was parked outside her small house on Victor's Lane. The lights in the windows made it look warm and inviting, and suddenly he hoped she'd in ask him to warm up and maybe stay to help her settle the kids down for the night.

As soon as he reached the porch, he could heard the sound of laughter coming from inside. A laugh that was too deep to belong to Katniss. A masculine laugh. He froze immediately, his hand poised ready to knock on the door.

Oh God, he was a fool. What if she was the one who had company tonight? Maybe that was why she tried so hard put him off coming over? Then he remembered. The Hawthornes were in town.

He swallowed thickly. If Gale and his whole family were inside, there was nothing he could do about it now. Peeta was standing at her door and he was sure they would have heard his car pulling up. He'd put himself in this position and he'd have to face whoever was behind the door.

He raised his hand again and knocked sharply. It felt like he was waiting forever, but it was really less than 10 seconds later when the door swung open to reveal a familiar petite blonde.

"Prim!" he greeted her with a loud exhale and a cautious smile, as a feeling of immense relief flooded through him. If Prim was here, then the male voice he'd heard must belong to Rory.

"Hi, Peeta." Prim smiled back and rose up on her toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek. "It's been a while." Peeta's smile widened at the warmth of her greeting. He hoped this meant Prim wasn't as angry with him anymore. She'd been like a baby sister to him and he'd hated that she had been so upset by the divorce. She'd been quite vocal with Rye about what an ass she'd thought Peeta was, but she did text him to thank him for the cookies he'd sent her for Christmas.

"Do you want to come in for a minute? It's cold out here. Everyone is in the living room." Prim stood back and opened the door wider, inviting him inside.

Everyone? Peeta wondered. Who was 'everyone'?

"I don't want to interrupt if you're having dinner or something, I was just dropping off Skye's blanket. Katniss called to say she'd left it behind."

"Don't worry, you're not interrupting anything," Prim smiled. Peeta decided it would be rude not to at least go in for five minutes, so he stepped over the threshold and followed the petite blonde down the hallway and into the cosy space at the rear of the house.

He paused in the open doorway, his eyes widening a little when he saw who was inside. All eyes turned to him and there was a moment of awkward silence as the conversation lulled at his entrance.

Sitting on the comfy sofas were Rory, Finnick, Annie, and Katniss. Playing on the floor, rolling a ball back and forth, were Aran and Nick, Finnick and Annie's son. But the sight that knocked him sideways was in front of the TV screen. Sitting in the big recliner, Skye on his lap watching what was obviously a Disney movie, was Gale Hawthorne, with just the slightest hint of self-satisfaction in his eyes. The sight of his daughter cuddling up on Gale's lap like that felt like a punch straight to Peeta's stomach.

Peeta knew Gale was watching for his reaction carefully, so he turned away before he said or did something he knew he'd regret later. It was only then he noticed the contents of the small table in front of the sofa: a couple of open pizza boxes, craft beers, and a large bowl of freshly popped popcorn. It felt like he'd been hit again. Just a typical Saturday night.

"Hey Peet!" Finnick greeted him, his green eyes a little anxious. Annie smiled warmly, jumping up to give him a hug. Rory got up and shook his hand. "Peeta," he smiled, showing none of the barely concealed smugness of his older brother.

Gale simply nodded an acknowledgement of Peeta's presence that, to the rest of the room probably looked friendly enough, though Finnick's eyes flitted backwards and forwards between them, no doubt sensing something was off.

"Daddy!" Skye squealed happily, scrambling off Gale's lap and running over to wrap herself around her father's legs. "You brought my blanket! I knew you would come!"

"Of course I did," he said, finding his voice and bending down to plant a quick kiss on the top of his daughter's head with a forced smile on his lips. Katniss stood up from her seat, coming over to take the blanket from his hands.

"Thank you for bringing this over, Peeta. You didn't have to drive all the way over here, I would have come and picked it up." Her eyes were soft and her tone was genuinely grateful. Peeta felt himself thawing at the gentle way she was looking at him. "I tried to tell you that Prim was here and I could have come by without taking the kids out, but you hung up so fast—"

"It's fine, it was no trouble. I knew my special girl would need her blanket for bedtime," Peeta waved it off, hoping he sounded more nonchalant then he felt. Being in the same room as Gale Hawthorne made him feel like all the air had been squeezed from his lungs and he couldn't breathe.

"Well, thank you anyway." Katniss smiled.

"Daddy!" Skye tugged on his hand impatiently. "Will you stay and watch the rest of the movie with us? It's 'Brave.' Uncle Gale says Mama is even better than Merida with her bow! Will you stay? Pleeeaaassseee?" Skye pleaded, gazing up at him with her big blue eyes, so like his own.

Startled, Peeta's eyes flitted to Katniss but before he could think of a word to say, Katniss spoke. "Skye, you know your Daddy can't stay. He has plans tonight and we didn't mean to interrupt them."

Peeta stiffened, and he felt all the eyes in the room resting on him and Katniss. Given the company present, he'd no intention of staying a second longer than he had to, but it kind of hurt that Katniss was making it obvious that she thought he should leave as soon as possible too.

"Your Mama is right, sweetie, I do have to go." He spoke directly to Skye, not noticing Katniss' slight frown as he gently loosened Skye's arms from around his neck and put her down, brushing a final kiss to her cheek.

"But where are you going, Daddy? You never go out at night," Skye wailed, and it broke Peeta's heart.

He kneeled down to her level and looked into her eyes, hating the confusion on his daughter's face. "I'm going into town to see a friend. We'll watch 'Brave' together another night, okay? I promise." Skye nodded her head slowly, an angry scowl on her face so like her mother's it made Peeta smile half-heartedly. "Good girl. Be good for your mama. Now, I'm going to go and leave you all to enjoy the rest of your evening too. Goodnight everyone."

In his peripheral vision he saw Finnick trying to catch his eye. Peeta knew Finnick knew Peeta was lying about having plans. He glanced over but looked away immediately when he saw the compassion and concern in his friend's eyes. Peeta's jaw clenched. He didn't want pity from anyone, not even Finnick. His best friend who neglected to mention that his dinner plans for the evening were with Katniss.

Without further delay, Peeta turned on his heel, striding swiftly towards the front door without waiting for Katniss to walk him out like she usually would. He let himself out and closed the door softly behind him without looking back. He had to get out of there before he lost it completely.

Keeping his back straight, he made his way down the slippery path to his car, struggling to hold back the combination of humiliation and anger-fuelled tears that were stinging the back of his eyes. In his whole life he had never felt so out of place as he had in the last five minutes, and he couldn't even blame Katniss for it. He'd ambushed himself. He'd lowered his guard and let her creep back in. And this was what he got for it. Fumbling with his keys, he unlocked his car and climbed in.

"Peeta!" He heard the front door open and his name being called. Finnick. "Peeta, wait up!"

Peeta ignored him, pretending not to hear, throwing the car in gear and pulling away from the curb a little faster than he probably should have given the worsening conditions.

Keep it together until you get home, Peeta, he repeated to himself. Keep it together.

It was so unfair. He clenched the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white as all the hurt he'd thought was beginning to fade came rushing back. Katniss was making progress, patching her life back together, having her family and their mutual friends over for pizza and beer while he was stuck, not knowing how to move forward. On some level, he knew his resentment was unfair, that Katniss spent as many nights alone and missing the kids as he did. But right now that didn't make him feel any better.

Nobody really needs me.

If he'd needed any reminders before, he'd gotten it tonight. Disney movies with the kids had been their thing, but this evening he'd seen how easily she could recreate their life—without him.

He laughed bitterly. She had once accused him of acting like she was easily replaceable when it was so clear to him now that he'd been the replaceable one all along.

Nobody needs me.

And of course, Gale was right there, positioning himself front and centre, ready and waiting to slide into Peeta's vacant place whenever Katniss was ready, looking far too comfortable with Peeta's daughter sitting on his knee.

That's it. Peeta slammed his fist against the steering wheel, angrily shaking his head. He jerked the truck to a stop at the side of the road.

This has to stop. No more wallowing in self-pity. No more. You can't keep torturing yourself this way. You have to find a way to let her go. You have to move on.

He didn't want to go home. He couldn't face going back to that empty house with all the memories it held. Flipping his turn signal he U-turned and head back towards town. A visit to Delly's Bar was beginning to sound like just what he needed after all.

---

"Katniss? Are you okay?"

Katniss startled at the sound of her friend's voice. She been so lost in thought she hadn't heard Annie's soft tread enter the kitchen where she'd escaped to gather her wits after Peeta's abrupt departure. Straightening her back quickly, she grabbed a knife and began cutting into the large apple pie she'd bought for dessert. "I'm fine," she replied, flashing a tight smile in her friend's direction, hoping she sounded more convincing than she felt. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, I don't know…maybe because that whole thing with Peeta earlier was super uncomfortable?" Annie stopped and rested a hip against the countertop, her arms folded across her chest and her face set in the kind of knowing look that Katniss knew it was pointless to even try and lie to her friend. Annie knew her too well.

"I'm sorry," Katniss sighed and put the knife back down, letting her shoulders sag. "I didn't mean to make anyone feel uncomfortable."

"It's okay. I'm just worried about how you're holding up. You look upset."

Katniss shrugged one shoulder. "A little, maybe. I mean, I don't really know what happened. It's not like Skye to behave like that either. She never usually makes a big deal of stuff. I never anticipated that."

"Maybe she is a little confused?" Annie offered. "You've spent some time together with Peeta recently, yeah?"

"Yeah, we have." Katniss confirmed. "But I thought that would be a positive thing. Do you really think that could be the reason?"

"It could be." Annie said. "Maybe she is acting out a little? Just keep an eye on her. Be ready if she has any questions. She has been through a lot too."

Katniss nodded. "You're right, she has. I'll talk to her some more, tomorrow."

"So how have things been between you and Peeta?"

Katniss sighed out loud but it was a defeated sound. "I thought we were doing better, you know? We had a really nice day at Christmas. But tonight was like we've taken two steps back. Peeta couldn't get away fast enough. He didn't even stop to say goodnight to Aran." Katniss bit her bottom lip to stop it trembling and looked down at her hands, avoiding Annie's eyes in the hope that her friend wouldn't see how much that hurt. "I suppose it's a process. We still have a lot to figure out about how to be around each other. It's confusing." She picked up the knife again, digging it into the pie with force. Peeta must have been really anxious to leave if he left without saying goodnight to his son. Or whoever he has plans to meet in town must be pretty special, she thought bitterly, a sudden wave of nausea twisting in her gut.

"Katniss," Annie reached out and stilled her hand, gently taking the knife from her and setting it down. "Leave that for a minute. Come, sit and talk to me." She wrapped her fingers around Katniss' wrist, pulling her towards the kitchen table.

"But everyone's waiting for dessert—"

"—and they can wait a couple more minutes." Annie argued gently. "I've barely seen you for months and you've been through this huge ordeal, and when I do get to see you, you don't talk about it." A shadow of doubt suddenly clouded Annie's delicate features. "Katniss, I need you to know something. Peeta and Finn are friends and I adore Peeta, but you are my friend too. You do know you can trust me with anything, right?"

Katniss looked up quickly, surprised by the quiver of insecurity in Annie's voice. Looking into her friend's troubled eyes, she felt ashamed that she'd avoided spending time with Annie for so long. "Of course I trust you, Annie, and I'm sorry if I've been distant. It's just…hard, you know? I know I close myself off and I'm still trying to figure out a lot of stuff myself. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems."

"Oh, Katniss." Annie shook her head sadly. "When are you going to realize that you're not a burden to anyone? I know you have your sister, but I want to be here for you too, if you let me. You don't have go through any of this on your own. Maybe I could help you figure out some of the stuff you're going through."

"Do you think so?"

"I do," Annie smiled, a little more confident. "After all, I've known you longer than Peeta, haven't I?"

Katniss nodded slowly.

"Does Peeta ever talk to Finn about…us?" Katniss asked hesitantly.

Annie nodded. "Yeah, I think he does sometimes, but Finn doesn't share and I don't ask. It wouldn't be fair."

For a moment Katniss felt relief knowing that Peeta had Finn to talk to. She knew he was hurting too. She'd seen it in his eyes at Christmas and again tonight. At least he wasn't going through this alone. But any relief she felt soon faded and was replaced by guilt when she remembered again how many of the people she loved had been hurt as a result of her actions. Her family. Peeta's family. Even Finnick and Annie had been caught in the crossfire of her and Peeta's divorce, stuck in the middle between their friends and trying not to take sides. She blamed herself.

"I guess things have been kind of weird for you and Finn too, since Peeta and I broke up, huh?" she mumbled.

Annie smiled but didn't try to deny it. "It's been a little weird. We've all been friends for so long. I miss us all hanging out and doing things together. Finn makes an effort to keep in touch with Peeta as much as he can, but sometimes when he invites him over, he knows Peeta makes excuses to say no just so he won't feel like a third wheel between Finn and me."

Katniss nodded. "I can understand that. I feel the same way around Prim and Rory sometimes. Prim is great. She tries to include me in their plans, but there are times I can tell Rory just wants her to himself. He never complains, but it still makes me feel like I'm imposing on them in a way I never did when Peeta and I were still together. It's odd going from being part of a couple to being single again."

"Do you know what I miss the most?" Annie's lips turned up in a rare smirk, and she leaned back in her chair, rubbing her stomach. "I miss that tart Peeta used to make especially for me when you'd come for dinner. The one with the apples and the goats' cheese. Damn him for divorcing you."

Katniss let out an involuntary laugh, unable to stop herself. She shook her head in mock annoyance at her friend, knowing that making her laugh had been Annie's intention. Annie was always trying to make people feel better.

"What?" Annie grinned, a wicked glint in her eye. "You can't deny it. Peeta has a gift with food. Those tarts are my guilty pleasure, the same way cheese buns are yours."

Katniss smiled wryly. "I think everyone loves Peeta for his baking. He helped Lavinia out with refreshments for Skye's recital and you'd swear by the way some of the parents were falling all over him that they'd never seen baked goods before." She laughed lightly. "Then he baked Christmas cookies for Prim, and all is forgiven."

Her mind wandered to how relaxed and friendly Lavinia and Peeta were around each other that day, how relaxed and familiar they'd seemed in each other's company. Was Lavinia the friend that Peeta had plans with tonight?

"That doesn't surprise me." Annie was still laughing, unaware of the sudden change in direction of Katniss' thoughts. "You ain't seen nothin' yet. Wait until you see elementary-school moms in action. They can smell an unattached male in the school yard faster than a shark can smell blood in the water."

"Annie, do you think Peeta and Lavinia could be seeing each other?" Katniss blurted out abruptly, her voice shaking as she admitted her fear out loud for the first time.

"What did you just say?" Annie's eyes widened and she sat up straighter in her chair. "Are you serious? Peeta and Lavinia, dating? No, there's no way."

"Why not?" Katniss frowned. "Lavinia is nice. She's attractive and friendly, and as far as I know, she's single. What's to stop them?"

"Because Lavinia manages the day-care center your kids go to?" Annie was looking at her like it was obvious.

"And that's a problem because…?" Katniss trailed off, puzzled.

"Because it would be unprofessional if Lavinia dated one of the clients of her service. Even as the owner, it would be frowned upon. In most places, dating a parent would get you fired." Annie explained.

Katniss chewed anxiously on her thumbnail, unconvinced. "Do you really think so?" She hated the tiny spark of hope that Annie's words lit inside her. Maybe she was reading it wrong and there was nothing more than a good client / customer relationship going on between Peeta and the friendly redhead.

"I'd be really surprised if it were true. Okay, technically Lavinia doesn't work directly with your kids, but even so she would be walking a fine line professionally. She and Peeta may have become friends, but I doubt it goes beyond that. Lavinia is a very nice woman — I wouldn't have recommended her to Peeta if she wasn't — and she takes her business seriously."

"Maybe they're just sleeping together, then." If it wasn't Lavinia, then who did Peeta use the condoms with? Some random hook-up? Katniss grimaced. She didn't know which was worse.

"Katniss, you don't know that he's slept with anyone!" Annie leaned forward. "From what little Finn has said, Peeta works and looks after the kids, the same as you do. If he has slept with someone, he hasn't said anything to Finn about it."

"But how can you be so sure? You said Finn doesn't tell you."

"He doesn't tell me everything, but I think he'd tell me that. Katniss, how long has this all been going through your mind?" Annie asked.

"Since I found an open box of condoms in his bedroom."

Annie contemplated that for a moment, compassion filling her green eyes. "You're still completely in love with him," she stated softly.

Katniss snorted. "Of course I'm still completely in love with him. Was that ever in doubt?"

"Katniss, you did run away for two months. It wasn't an unreasonable leap to make that there must have been problems in your marriage. Even for Peeta."

Katniss winced. Annie's words cut deep, even if they had been delivered kindly.

"I realize that now and I swear to you, Annie, my feelings for Peeta were never an issue. God help me, I love him as much now as I ever did. If I could stop loving him, maybe I could get over him. What I need to figure out now is how do I stop? How can I make these feelings go away?" She dropped her head into her hands, biting back a sob. "I just want it all to stop."

"Oh, Katniss." Annie leaned in, releasing a deep sigh as she pulled Katniss towards her, placing her arms around her shoulders. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Last week I had to go and spend Christmas with him in the home we used to share and pretend everything was okay in front of the kids, when all I wanted to do was take back every stupid thing I've ever done and make him want me again," Katniss snuffled, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Maybe you should try telling Peeta that."

"What?" Katniss looked up.

"Tell him that you want him back." Annie fixed her with a solemn gaze. "I'm serious, Katniss. What have you got to lose?"

Katniss scoffed and shook her head. "Just like that? It's not that simple, Annie."

"It could be," Annie shrugged. "If you still love each other."

"No, there's no point, Annie. He'll never forgive me for leaving the way I did, and I don't blame him. After his mother, I of all people, should have known what it would do to him. I need to let him go so he can find someone else. I've been trying, but I just don't know how I'm supposed to do it."

"Maybe you're not supposed to."

"Annie—"

"No, Katniss, listen to me. I don't know if you telling him how you feel will make any difference, but you've got a long life ahead of you left to live, and if you're still in love with him, then you have to at least try."

"Suppose I did tell him and he rejects me again? Like he did when I came back? What then Annie? I'm just barely keeping myself together as it is. I couldn't take that again. I'd end up like my mother for sure."

"You're not going to end up like your mother." Now it was Annie's turn to scoff. "You're just scared. If that did happen, then all you could do is take each day as it comes, but at least you will know you tried. I know 'time heals all wounds' is an old cliché, but it's true. One day you will wake up and it won't hurt as much."

Katniss laughed but it was a sad little sound. "Is that a promise?" she asked, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Yes, it is. I promise, one day you will wake up and it won't hurt as much, and until then you might get some closure from knowing you did all you could. If you had that, then someday you might meet someone else."

"Oh hell, no!" Katniss barked. "There is no way I am ever going to walk down this path again. I was 12 years old when I figured out how destructive loving someone so much can be. I watched it destroy my mother and right now, I'm trying as hard as I can not to let it destroy me too. I'm never going to fall in love again."

"Katniss, don't say that. You have to look at the good things about love, too. You had twelve great years and have two wonderful children with Peeta. The worst tragedy that could come from all you've been through would be for you to shut yourself off like that. Don't become bitter. Please don't do that to yourself. You're still a young woman."

"No, Annie. I mean it." Katniss shook her head vehemently. "From now on, it's going to be me and my kids. Men can just stay the hell away from me!"

"Um, I'm sorry to interrupt, ladies..." a male voice came from behind them as the door swung open.

Both women jumped and their heads swivelled towards the voice. Gale stood in the doorway. He looked more than a little red-faced, one hand raised to scratch the crown of his head.

Oh no. Katniss felt her face begin to flush with heat. Had he overheard what they were just talking about?

"Can I just grab some more drinks from the fridge? I'll be out of your hair in two shakes..."

"It's okay, you're not interrupting anything," Katniss said quickly, forcing a smile. "In fact, we were just coming to join you all anyway. The dishes are finished and the pie is ready. Can you can grab some drinks for us as well?"

"Sure," Gale pulled open the fridge and grabbed a six-pack. "Is beer okay?" he asked.

"Fine." Katniss smiled weakly, getting up to go grab plates and forks and preparing to follow Gale into the living room.

"Katniss..." Annie called out, stopping her in her tracks. "I know you've said you have no interest in trying to move on, but what about Gale?" she asked quietly, her steadfast gaze locked on Katniss.

"Gale?" Katniss' eyebrows shot up. "What about him? Gale is family."

"Katniss, stop being naive. You've got to see that he's interested in something more."

Katniss let out a frustrated groan. "Oh no, Annie, not you too!"

"What does that mean, not me too?" Annie cocked her head curiously.

"Peeta always thought there was something more between me and Gale. He has never trusted him. It was a real cause of tension between us sometimes, because he insisted there was more between us then there is. Every time I came back from visiting Seam, he'd be moody and quiet for a few days. But I shouldn't have to give my friend up, Annie. I've known Gale since I was a kid and he is like a brother to me, and that's all he's ever been, or ever will be."

"Did you tell Peeta that?"

"Every single time it came up. But no matter how many times I reassured him, he could never let his distrust go completely."

"Did you ever tell Gale?"

"Why would I say anything to Gale?" Katniss spluttered. "He's never given me any indication that he liked me that way. He dates lots of women. He just hasn't found 'the one' yet."

"Has he ever introduced you to any of the women he dates?"

"No, but—"

"Katniss, honey, I love you. But you can be a little blind to other peoples' feelings sometimes. You're fooling yourself if you think that guy in there looks at you the same way he looks at Prim. He looks at you possessively."

"That's because we've been best friends forever. Gale is mine, I am his, that's how it's always been between us. Nothing more!" Katniss was getting defensive. "Why do I have to keep defending my friendship with Gale?"

"Okay." Annie raised her hands, in submission. "I get that you're close to him, I can understand that. I'm just telling you what I see, and whether you welcome his feelings or not, Gale likes you, and not as his best friend, or his sister. You're going to have to deal with that sooner or later."

"I can't," Katniss refused, shaking her head.

"Why can't you?"

"Because what happens if you're right, Annie?" Katniss' terrified eyes pleaded with Annie. "I can't deal with it if Gale does feel that way about me."

Because it will mean Peeta was right all along, while I stupidly defended Gale. I argued with Peeta and told him he was wrong for doubting me and questioning our friendship.

"You'll just have to be honest with him and tell him you don't reciprocate. If Gale is an adult, he'll still be your friend."

"I wish I could be so sure about that. I don't want to lose Gale too." Katniss stood up, swallowing tightly as she gathered plates and forks and moved towards the door. "I can't lose them both."

"Katniss." Annie blocked her path, gently placing her hands on her friend's shoulders as she fixed her with a stare. "I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to look me straight in the eyes and give me an honest answer. No avoidance."

"Okay." Katniss sucked in a deep breath.

"If you had to choose right now between having Peeta back in your life and losing Gale forever, what would it be?"

"There is only one answer to that, Annie. While it would hurt to lose Gale from my life, there is no competition." Katniss answered. "I would choose Peeta. I will always choose Peeta."

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So there we have it. Not quite a HEA yet, but I hope you see some hope. But remember, with all things, its usually two steps forward, one step back.

I am taking part in Camp Nanowrimo for July to progress my other long neglected WIP, Waiting for Midnight.

And finally, Happy Birthday Dad.