Chapter Thirty-Eight

Cavalier Conversations

TW/CW: Talks about dying for the greater good, suicide, and war.

Bobby's House: July 25, 2010

Balthazar glanced up when he sensed Gabriel approach. He was sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette. Bobby had practically bit his head off when he tried to light up in the kitchen. Arguing was pointless. Everyone in the room looked amused at his situation, especially Crowley. The bastard had likely found himself in a similar situation, and was relishing Balthazar's discomfort.

"I know you're avoiding me," Gabriel said from behind him. "I can respect that, but I need your input on something important. After that you can go back to acting like I don't exist."

Balthazar snorted and took a long drag of his cigarette. "And what's that?" he asked tersely.

"What would you like to do with Cassiel's remains?" Gabriel asked.

Balthazar shut his eyes, taking another long drag. What was he supposed to say to that? He'd sworn up and down to Castiel that Gabriel wouldn't bother to consult him. Instead, Gabriel was laying the choice fully at his feet. Had he really changed that much? Azrial certainly had, but he hadn't expected much from Gabriel. Not after he'd run off when his flock needed him most.

"Why are you asking me?" Balthazar demanded. "You were her leader. Hell, from the whispers you were a lot fucking more than that to her."

He saw Gabriel wince from the corner of his eye and sighed. Why was it so damn hard to stay mad at him? Maybe it was all the good memories he had, or some ingrained instinct, that made him want to forgive the bastard.

"We were never lovers," Gabriel said after a moment. "I'm not sure if she ever wanted such a thing, but it wasn't something I'd entertain. Azrial, Michael, and I swore never to take lovers among our flocks."

Balthazar glanced over at Gabriel as the archangel leaned his back against the porch railing. He looked exhausted, but considering all the news rushing through the house that wasn't surprising.

"Only the three of you?" he asked curiously.

Gabriel snorted. "Lucifer had bedded one of his seraphim before we made that agreement, so we didn't bother to ask him. Raphael bluntly told us he'd do as he pleased."

"Go figure," Balthazar snorted. He tapped the ash off the tip of his cigarette before taking another drag to fill the silence. "Why did Azrial and Michael agree?"

"I think Michael sees all of us as family, and therefore wouldn't entertain sexual pleasure with another angel. Never really asked him though." Gabriel paused, glancing toward the door. "Don't mention this in front of Azrial, okay?"

Balthazar raised an eyebrow. "That bad?"

"Not bad, per se." Gabriel sighed. "Just something she never wanted advertised."

"Why tell me then?"

"Because I know you won't spread it around. That and I'd say right now you have more respect for her than you do me."

Balthazar took another drag, not bothering to deny it. Azrial was a force of nature. She always had been. Maturity had done her more than a few favors from what he'd observed over the years. They'd met several times over the decades as she collected weapons for the Valerius' and Crowley, and each time she'd been nothing but respectful. He'd be the first to admit that stealing angelic weapons and artifacts wasn't a great look. For the most part he didn't care who bought from him, with a few exceptions. Azrial didn't judge him and hadn't even asked why he'd did it! Instead she'd come with an offer from herself and Crowley; sell powerful angelic artifacts exclusively to them for a slightly higher price. He'd agreed, and since then both Crowley and the Valerius' had been some of his highest paying customers. He owed a decent cut of his comfortable life to Azrial's influence, and wouldn't want her as an enemy.

Gabriel cleared his throat, drawing Balthazar's attention back to him. "Samael is the reason Azrial entered the agreement, well a large part of it."

"What was the other part?" Balthazar asked. "Most of us knew Samael held a flame for her, so that honestly isn't surprising."

Gabriel chuckled. "He's standing in that house."

"What?"

"Crowley is the reason she entered the agreement," Gabriel clarified. "When she was a fledgling, I may have...accidentally sent her to this time. Well, a few months ago now."

"For fuck's sake," Balthazar said. "How did you manage that?"

"In my defense, I was left unsupervised!" Gabriel objected. "My powers were new to me, and I took things too far."

He snorted. "Clearly. So Crowley is the reason?"

"And likely Bobby." Gabriel shrugged. "Her connection to Crowley is stronger though. Back then she imprinted on him, and that imprint has stretched through time since she didn't belong here."

Balthazar frowned, mulling over Gabriel's words. "So she knew back then someone was out there waiting for her?"

"You make it sound like a bad rom-com!" Gabriel laughed. "She simply knew she wouldn't find a lover among angels, especially once demons were created. It was a very well guarded secret."

"Michael knew?" Balthazar couldn't keep the shock out of his voice.

"She never said it out right to him," Gabriel admitted. "But after our meeting, he's definitely put the pieces together. Back then, she'd told us Death made it clear her mate wasn't an angel."

A comfortable silence washed over them and Balthazar took the final drag of his cigarette. He put it out on the banister before vanishing the bud.

"As far as Cassiel goes, I'm not sure what to do," Balthazar said. "She was so hellbent on finding you, and I still don't understand why."

"Did they tell you how she died?" Gabriel asked.

"No. I tried to grill Castiel, but he said they wanted to wait for you."

Gabriel hummed and stared out at the junkyard with a blank expression. "Raphael tried to kill her. He managed to kill two others."

Balthazar shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. There was no use in getting angry. None. What hope did he have to actually do anything against Raphael?

"So what happened?" Balthazar ground out.

"She ripped out her grace, and best anyone can figure banished Raphael from the area. She ended up dying from starvation or dehydration."

"She deserved better," Balthazar whispered. "She deserved far fucking better."

"I know," Gabriel said. "Her death, and the others, are why I agreed to help take down Lucifer. I know we'll cross paths with Raphael. He'll pay for what he's done."

"Who were the other two?" he quietly asked.

"Ezikiel and Sophia," Gabriel said. "He got bolder each time he made a successful kill. Azrial thinks his motive was power and that's why he was going after angels not under the supervision of himself or Michael."

"Then what about Azrial's flock?" he asked. "Samael and Mora vanished one day, and each of their flock followed soon after until the only one left was Castiel."

"Maybe they found out as well," Gabriel said after a moment. "Azrial is still searching for them, and I'm terrified of the answers she'll find. Especially because they found Samael's shield void of holy energy."

Balthazar winced, unsure what to say. The thought of Samael or Mora being killed was laughable, and yet so was the idea someone could take down Cassiel. The seraphs who directly served the archangels were a force unto themselves. Each flock had at least one, and some had two like Azrial and Michael's. Cassiel was the only surviving seraph of Gabriel's flock after the Leviathans had been defeated. The other, Abraxos, had died during the war. Cassiel felt the need to step up so the rest of them didn't feel any less cared for, especially as infighting began to take root with the birth of humanity.

"If he managed to kill Samael and Mora...I fear how far he may have gone," Balthazar said.

"So do I," Gabriel said. "But the fact they all disappeared gives us some hope. Castiel doesn't remember why, but that doesn't mean he wasn't consulted. We can only hope by trying to regain his memories we find some answers."

"If Naomi did the wipe-"

"I know," Gabriel cut him off. "If it was Naomi we have no hope of getting them back fully, but the best Azrial can figure it wasn't her. That also decreases the likelihood that Raphael was the one to order the wipe."

"Then where does that leave us?" Balthazar finally asked.

Gabriel frowned, glancing toward him. His expression was unreadable, and Balthazar wondered what the archangel was thinking.

"What do you want to do? You've been on Earth a long time, the same as me and Azrial."

"I like it here," Balthazar said. "I don't have any desire to return to Heaven. That's why I ignored Michael's offer when he shut the gates."

"That makes four of us," Gabriel snorted.

"I want revenge for Cassiel, Ezikiel, and Sophia."

"Then you'll help?"

"I think I will," Balthazar said. "I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't."

"You don't have to work under me," Gabriel pointed out. "I'm sure Azrial would be happy-"

Balthazar laughed. "She wouldn't let me on the front line if I begged! I'm a healer, Gabriel. Same as you. That hasn't changed."

"Then we'll do this together."

Balthazar's lips twitched at the conviction in Gabriel's voice. He wasn't sure it would last, hell he wasn't even sure how the bastard mustered it. Hopefully they wouldn't die in their pursuit of revenge, but there was always a possibility. Still, there was a small flame of hope that they could set this right and maybe recover the mutual respect they once had for each other.

Line Break

Bobby stretched away the last of the sleepiness left behind as he got up for the day. The first day of the hunt had been painfully normal after all the shit going on the past few months. They'd met a few locals, and it looked like a normal salt and burn. The only big issue now was the body was likely somewhere in the nearby swamp, as Rufus had assumed.

"You're far too fucking chipper," Rufus grumbled as he slowly got up. "I woke up next to your ugly mug for six damn years, and you were never this happy."

"You weren't able to get rid of my arthritis," Bobby teased.

"Damn, any more angels looking for human partners?"

Bobby snorted at the whine in Rufus's voice. He didn't doubt the man would jump at the opportunity, if only for a bit of pain relief.

"I don't think Balthazar has any interest in sex and Gabriel is likely snapped up."

"Of fucking course." Rufus stretched before digging out a change of clothes for the day. "What's it like, anyway? I mean, you were never the full black and white type, but I also wouldn't have pegged ya for someone sleeping with the supernatural."

"Neither would I," Bobby said. "But things changed."

"How did Rowen take it?"

Bobby winced at Rufus's soft question. The man rarely bothered stemming his gruff attitude, but when it came to important matters he had an oddly gentle approach. Maybe that's why he'd ended up staying so long with Rufus. There was so little distinction between how they treated each other as friends versus when they were lovers. It was a balm after all the shit that happened between Karen's death and his nasty split with Rowen.

"He hasn't had a chance to share his opinion," Bobby said. "Than - ugh, doesn't matter, but someone outed to him I was sleeping with Azrial. He immediately assumed we were doing it behind Crowley's back."

"Oh, cause you'd both be stupid enough to fuck over a powerful demon for sex?" Rufus rolled his eyes. "He's so damn smart, yet sometimes I swear there is nothing between his damn ears."

Bobby chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, he's always been a bit hot headed about those he cares about. Anyway, right after I got kidnapped. Then the shit hit the fan and Crowley brought Azrial and I back to the states. Haven't seen or talked to Rowen since."

"I can already hear the 'I told you so' he's gonna lay on ya. Not that he's wrong, mind ya, but it's still gonna be obnoxious."

"Preaching to the choir." Bobby sighed and dragged out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from his bag. "I'm tempted to give him an earful for thinking I'd do that to Crowley."

"That's fair, ya ain't a cheater. Always been pretty protective of your partners too."

"What can I say?" Bobby whispered as he pulled on his shirt. "Guess I'm tryin' to avoid history reapt'in itself."

A tube of deodorant smacked him upside the head, and Bobby turned to glare at Rufus. The man had his arms crossed and didn't give him a chance to complain.

"Don't fucking start with that, ya hear me? Of all the people you've been with, those two can handle them damn selves."

"We're going into a damn war, Rufus. They may be immortal but they ain't invulnerable!"

"So instead of sitting here worrying, do something about it!" Rufus snapped. "Better their odds, and make it so they'll come back to ya."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, cause that's so damn easy."

"Those angels all have their perfect vessels, but your darling demonic boyfriend doesn't. He was just complaining about his vessel not being able to handle all his power. Why not use that instead of fretting like a teenage girl about the inevitable death of us all?"

Bobby froze, almost dropping his hat. Was it really that simple? If he could handle Azrial's power, he sure as hell could handle Crowley. His anti-possession tattoo was already wrecked beyond repair, and Crowley could slip past the warding on the Valerius ring. All he'd have to do is convince Crowley this was worth the risk, and from there they could both try and convince Azrial. It was a crazy idea, and may not work how he was thinking, but it was worth a shot.

"Oi, think about letting that bastard jump your bones later." Rufus walked past him with a duffle bag over his shoulder. "It's time to hit the swamp."

Line Break

Azrial collapsed into the grass, breathing easily for the first time since they'd gotten back from Japan. The stupid collar lay broken in half a few feet away and Gabriel fell onto his back next to her. The sky was crystal clear, not a cloud in sight and the sun's heat licked at her skin. She shut her eyes, taking another deep breath. The feeling of her grace coursing freely through her body again was comforting. After being without her grace for almost three hundred years, she was acutely aware of her power. Having that damn collar on was no different than losing a limb or one of her senses.

"So, a human and a demon, huh?"

Azrial snorted, opening her eyes with a small smile. "Yeah. A human and a demon."

"You've got strange taste," Gabriel said.

"Says the man who slept with Kali. She's terrifying, Gabe."

"Terrifyingly beautiful," Gabriel said wistfully. "Though when it ended I did fear for my life."

Azrial laughed, shutting her eyes again. "I'll take your word on that."

"Can I ask you something?"

Gabriel's serious tone made her frown, but she didn't bother opening her eyes. "Sure. You just did me a huge favor after all."

Gabriel hummed, and she could feel him sit up. He didn't ask anything right away, so Azrial enjoyed the quiet. The summer breeze blowing through the field carried a hint of lavender. It made her want to take a long soak in the thermae on the Valerius estate. If she could use her damn wings she'd happily make the transatlantic flight.

"Why didn't you say anything about falling?"

Gabriel's quiet question made her blood freeze. What was she meant to say?

"You don't need to explain why you did it," Gabriel said. "I just..." Gabriel sighed and Azrial forced her eyes open.

"I didn't want to remember it," she said. "It was a dark time for me, and the idea of putting it behind me was appealing."

"I just want you to know I'm here for you, Azrial. Things are shit, and I know angels have hardly done you any favors, but I'm always here."

Azrial sat up and leaned against Gabriel. "I know you are. You always have been."

Gabriel snorted, draping a wing around her shoulders. She snuggled closer, basking in the warmth and safety that seemed to radiate off her older brother.

"Do you remember when we played in the garden?" she softly asked. "When we were all together."

"Yeah...yeah I do."

"I miss that." Azrial hated how her voice wavered at the admission. She needed to voice it to someone who'd understand though, or it would drive her insane. "I miss curling up together after a day spent creating. I miss the feeling of safety and contentment when Michael and Lucifer wrapped their wings around the three of us."

She hated thinking about Raphael. It made her downright homicidal, and she doubted it was better for Gabriel. Still, she couldn't help but think back to how things were. Especially as it became abundantly clear that nothing she, or anyone else, did would bring those times back.

"Remember what I used to call you?" Gabriel asked instead of commenting on what she said.

"Of course," she snorted. "It was the dumbest nickname I've ever heard, even all these years later."

"Is it, princess?"

Azrial laughed, trying to ignore the tightness in her throat. "Oh, shut up! I think it's sweet."

"Well, I think my nickname is far superior," Gabriel scoffed. "After all, you lived up to it."

"If you say so," she said. "I guess I'll allow it if you insist."

Gabriel rested his head against hers. "Don't worry too much Lil'me," Gabriel whispered. "I won't go ruining your bad bitch reputation by calling you it around the others."

"I love you, Gabe," she choked out through the ball of emotions that had settled in her throat. "I can't lose you too."

"We'll have each other," he promised. "Even if...even if it's only in death."

Azrial shut her eyes, trying to stem the tears. She pressed closer to Gabriel and tried to get her emotions under control. Was it too much to hope that Lucifer and Raphael just dropped dead of unknown causes? That would make this mess so much easier.

"I'm ready to die, if that's what it takes," she admitted. "I haven't said that to anyone, but...I need you to know, if that makes any damn sense."

Gabriel was silent, and she could feel his grip on her tighten. "I had guessed," he finally said. "And I am too if it means the world keeps spinning."

"How the hell did we become the responsible ones?" she asked through the tears. "What the hell is the world coming too?"

Gabriel didn't respond, but she could feel something wet against her hair. She knew better than to mention it though. Instead she started to sing softly under her breath in Enochian, clinging to the few happy memories she had left of her family. Once they left this clearing and headed back to reality, their three brothers became enemies. It hurt, damn it hurt, but she loved humanity too much to let this go on any longer. It was time for those who didn't want to side with Michael or Lucifer to have another option.

Line Break

"This is bloody ridiculous!" Crowley snapped, tossing down his knife.

"Perhaps you can stab me again?" Marcus asked drily. "It may work this time."

"I don't need your damn sarcasm right now!"

Marcus snorted, but to his credit didn't say anything else. Crowley was trying not to panic. After discussing their options, Marcus had asked to be sent back without speaking to Azrial. He didn't think it would do her mental state any good, especially leading up to a battle to prevent the end of the world. Crowley was inclined to agree, but Bobby had been on the fence. The hunter had admitted he may be biased though, and left the choice to Marcus.

"Bollocks," Crowley hissed under his breath. "What the hell is going on?"

"Can you not ask the reaper who brought me back?" Marcus asked. "They should know such things."

"Maybe," Crowley sighed. "That's if I can manage to get their attention."

He had a sickening feeling Tessa wouldn't come if he called. Something smelled rotten here, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. There was no damn reason an angel blade to Marcus's chest shouldn't have been a one way ticket back through the pearly gates.

"You could bring Azrial here," Marcus said.

"I don't have a death wish," Crowley said. "We'll figure this out. Bobby should be back in a few days as well. Between the three of us, we'll return you to Heaven."

Marcus looked doubtful, but Crowley ignored him. His eyes fell on the repaired bracelet laying innocently on the table. He'd done all this for a damn smile. He just wanted Azrial to have one damn thing to hold onto when things went to shit. Now he was stuck with a Roman who just wouldn't die.

He was never doing anything nice again.

Next Update: Next Update: December 24, 2022

Author Note: I'm back! Kind of...TLDR: I'm going to be doing my best to update weekly, but things aren't going great on my end. I'm also working without a beta reader currently, so I apologize for any glaring errors.