Gabrielle and Joxer stood looking at the pair of gods that were laying in a heap on the ground in front of them, squabbling like any pair of mortal siblings would.

APHRODITE

Ow that landing was so not cool.

ARES

(Irritated tone) Would you stop complaining and get off me?

Ignoring the god of war, Aphrodite gasped in horror as she looked down at her hand.

APHRODITE

My nail! I broke a nail. I just got these done.

Ares growled to himself as he shoved his sister off of him and stood. Getting an unhappy glare from the goddess of love as he expanded his focus to Gabrielle and Joxer.

ARES

(Irritated tone) Okay I don't know what's going on here, but someone had better start explaining and fast.

APHRODITE

Hey, don't look at me, I can't control what little miss bard there writes.

The goddess stood as all eyes turned to her.

ARES

(Irritated tone) And just what is that supposed to mean?

The goddess shrugged casually as she explained the spell she had placed on Gabrielle's scroll.

ARES

(Irritated tone) Are you out of your mind? You gave this blonde harpy the powers of destiny?

GABRIELLE

Hey.

APHRODITE

(irritated tone) No, I enchanted a scroll. I don't know why you're suddenly acting so surprised. This whole thing was your idea to begin with.

ARES

(irritated tone) Oh no, you're not pinning this one on me. I wanted you to deal with her so we could get Xena out of the way.

APHRODITE

Exsqueeze me. I'll have you know that my plan worked... Kinda.

GABRIELLE

Wait a minute.

Gabrielle cut into the arguing god's conversation.

GABRIELLE

(irritated tone) You enchanted my scroll because you wanted Xena out of the way? Out of the way for what?

APHRODITE

Well, Ares has some army ready to attack some valley somewhere.

He knew Xena would try and stop his plan. So to make sure she couldn't, he clearly manipulated me into getting mad at you, which he figured would also keep Xena distracted.

ARES

(Condescending tone) Look at you figuring things out all out by yourself.

The goddess scowled at her brother.

APHRODITE

(Annoyed tone) Can it "Are". We wouldn't even be in this mess if you could stand up to one measly mortal woman.

Aphrodite softened her expression as she returned her attention to Gabrielle.

APHRODITE

Look, Sweetpea, just give me back my powers, then I can unzap the scroll and set everything back to normal..

ARES

No, you need to write mine back in first. That army's waiting for me to give them a signal that Xena's gone.

The goddess glared at the other god.

APHRODITE

(Sarcasm) Yeah, threatening war. That'll definitely get her to give your powers back

ARES

Okay. What if you give me my powers back, and I promise to call off the attack?

Aphrodite snickered, not believing her brother for a second.

APHRODITE

(Sarcasm) Pigs can fly.

Ares looked at Aphrodite.

ARES

You can.

The goddess glared at him as Joxer spoke up.

JOXER

Wait. If you undo the scroll, Xena can come back and the army won't attack.

GABRIELLE

That's right.

The bard wrote in the enchanted scroll "Aphrodite is as she

was before." Suddenly the goddess disappeared and fell from above, landing on top of Ares again.

GABRIELLE

Okay, that didn't work.

ARES

(irritated tone) Get Off!

GABRIELLE

What if I fill the scroll completely? Will the curse be broken?

APHRODITE

(Sarcasm) Oh, so now it's a curse. Before, it was a gift.

The two gods got back to their feet as aphrodite continued.

APHRODITE

But to answer your question, no. Once you run out of room, that's it.

Everything will stay the way you wrote it.

Joxer thought for a moment, before coming up with a suggestion to get them out of their odd predicament.

JOXER

Why not just write, "Everything is as it was before."

APHRODITE

That could send us all back to being in diapers and you'll

go back under your rock.

The goddess looked at the bard.

APHRODITE

Did you write him here?

GABRIELLE

Not intentionally.

Ares grabbed the scroll and looked it over for a moment before chuckling as he read the line he assumed brought Joxer there.

ARES

"Gabrielle awoke with a jerk."

Aphrodite laughed.

JOXER

I don't get it.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Later, Gabrielle, Joxer, Ares and Aphrodite looked over the scroll as they tried to deconstruct everything the bard had written in order to figure out the correct wording that would fix the chaos the enchanted scroll caused.

GABRIELLE

I have to deconstruct the story, starting from the beginning which means I have to bring Xena back, first.

ARES

Oh. How about something like, "Xena rides in at the head of an army."

GABRIELLE

That's no good. We could end up with an army of ants, or children or Harpies.

JOXER

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got it. We can just describe her.

GABRIELLE

Good idea.

The bard began to write as the others looked on.

SCROLL

Suddenly there was the arrival of the woman.

ARES

Ooo leather. Mention the leather.

Gabrielle eyed the god for a moment. Not appreciating how excited he sounded about that before moving on and continuing to write.

SCROLL

Wearing leather. With long, black hair, carrying her chakram.

JOXER

Wait. Does the scroll know what a chakram is?

GABRIELLE

Fair.

The bard crossed out the part about the Chakram and revised the sentence.

SCROLL

Carrying the whip of Xena.

Suddenly the group heard the sound of a whip crack and looked up to see a dark-haired, leather clad woman.

GABRIELLE

Minya?

MINYA

I'm here. I don't know why, but I'm here anyway.

ARES

Who's she?

GABRIELLE

This is our friend, Minya. And…

The bard paused as she sighed, remembering something.

GABRIELLE

(Slightly defeated tone) She has Xena's whip.

ARES

(Irritated tone) Great. Now what?

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Later Gabrielle sat holding her head in her hands as she watched the now mortal Aphrodite and Ares getting drunk, not being used to booze having any effect on them as they drank from the ale that was still flowing from the roof from the last time the bard and Joxer were at that tavern.

APHRODITE

Mmm, you know this is one thing I like about being mortal.

The typically proper goddess took another drink from her mug before letting out a loud belch as Minya laughed.

MINYA

You know, my boyfriend, Hower, he thinks that the Goddess of Love is just so beautiful and perfect. Wait 'til he hears you're just as plain as dirt on a wagon wheel, just like me.

Minya gave Aphrodite a firm pat on the back that caused the goddess to spill some of her drink and Ares laughed. Meanwhile Gabrielle was spiraling deeper into self doubt that she could fix everything.

GABRIELLE

Nothing's working. What am I gonna do? I'm supposed to be this great bard with all these wonderful stories. And now I can't even write a happy ending

without screwing it up.

The bard laid her head on the table they were all sitting at as Joxer tried to cheer her up.

JOXER

Sure you can. And if you ask me, I think your stories are beautiful, and besides not everything you wrote turned out to be a disaster. Remember what you did for the Sisters of Gaea? Giving them that valuable sword?

Suddenly the tavern door flew open as a man marched inside.

GUARD

(Angry tone) I'm looking for a man who stole my kinsman's sword.

JOXER

He could be talking about any old sword. Right?

The man walked further inside and for whatever reason made his way over to where the bard, her friend and the gods were sitting.

GUARD

You. I would like to ask you a couple of questions.

GABRIELLE

Uh sure. What's your name?

Hastily, Gabrielle wrote for the man to go to the nearby caves, just as she had done for multiple others at that point when she couldn't think of anything else to do.

ARES

Boy, I bet those caves are starting to get pretty full.

The young woman shot the god a disapproving look.

GABRIELLE

(Irritated tone) Shut it, Ares.

Gabrieelle sighed.

GABRIELLE

Maybe instead of trying to bring Xena here, we can just go find her instead. I mean there can't be that many places around here to go fishing. Can there?

The bard stood and made her way out of the tavern, leaving Joxer and the powerless gods sitting at the table as Aphrodite fiddled with her hair that, to the goddess' dismay, was rapidly losing its usual volume.

APHRODITE

Why won't it stay up?

Aphrodite huffed in frustration.

APHRODITE

Basic hair care was never this much of a drag as a goddess.

JOXER

I think it looks good on ya.

The goddess smiled.

APHRODITE

Flattery will get you everywhere, keep going.

JOXER

Um, actually your goddessness I was wondering if I could ask you something.

APHRODITE

Okay?

JOXER

Um, I… or well you see there's this guy and he really loves this girl, but this girl doesn't even know that-

APHRODITE

Hey the love goddess is off the clock. In case you haven't noticed I'm dealing with my own problems here.

Joxer lowered his eyes and the goddess couldn't help but feel for the man.

APHRODITE

Fine Poetry and if that doesn't work presents.

JOXER

Presents and poetry huh.

APHRODITE

Okay?

JOXER

Yeah.

APHRODITE

Good. Now, give me some space.

Joxer smiled as he stood to walk away before spotting the enchanted scroll that Gabrielle had mistakenly left behind and got an idea before leaving the table.

APHRODITE

(Thinking to herself) Huh, someone should really tell that poor sap he doesn't stand a chance with little miss bard. Especially if she's able to get warrior babe to come back.

The goddess shrugged.

APHRODITE

(Thinking to herself) Oh well. Thanks to blondie, it's not my problem anymore.

The goddess, her brother, and Minya made their way outside where suddenly there was a commotion as a bunch of passersby began to hoot and holler. The trio looked toward a crowd that had begun to quickly gather to see three Gabrielle's dancing who were completely nude.

GABRIELLE

(Angry tone) Joxer!

Gabrielle stormed over to the man and snatched the scroll from the man as he shrugged.

GABRIELLE

(irritated tone) You're unbelievable. I put the scroll down for a minute and you pull something like this.

JOXER

(lying) Oh, I-I, well, I was just trying to write a limerick. You know to cheer you up a little.

The bard scowled as she read what the man had written.

GABRIELLE

"A warrior, Joxer the Mighty,

Asked a boon from the god, Aphrodite.

And what a surprise,

He saw with love's eyes,

Three times-"

JOXER

I kinda had a little trouble there. Couldn't think of another word that ends in "ite"?

GABRIELLE

(Angry tone) You wrote on the scroll?!

She swatted him several times.

GABRIELLE

(Irritated tone) What does "love's eyes" have to do with me?

JOXER

(Nervous tone) Well it's just… umm…

GABRIELLE

(Irritated tone) Forget it.

The bard swiftly jotted down what had clearly become her coverall solution for getting rid of any of the unwanted guests that had inadvertently come their way because of the scroll.

GABRIELLE

To the caves!

TO BE CONTINUED…