A red dawn set across the plane of the sky. Smoke, death and flame. The ashes of the fallen bitter on her lips. Everywhere she looked it settled like common dust. All shades of grey painted across the world. Fuel spilled like veins across the ground, branching, grasping. Then a stray spark ignited it. The heat made her stumble back, fall and only now she could see that she was drenched in blood.

Rha woke up with an gasp. She turned around, once, twice and at the third turn she gave up and left the bed. Enough was enough! The dreams, no, the memories had persisted tonight. She loathed it. Sweat-drenched, shivering and sleepless. Weak.

The automatic lights went on as she stumbled into the bath. Her pale, sickly face greeted her in the mirror. Healing took more of an toll on the body than she had expected. It should not have. This was far from the first close call – how many times was it now?

First, when she was still a child, that one terrible year she did not want to remember. But afterwards there had been so many, every battle a search for death, for an end. And now, this.

She washed her face and combed her hair, but gave up after she found three more knots. Force, she really should take better care if it now, or she would regret it later. Then she sighed, again. Let herself have regrets! Patience was not hers tonight.

No agent of Zakuul had come to kill her yet. Perhaps she was truly dead to the outside world. She swallowed. What of Rhaddravjen?

Their force bond had lessened in the years after her knighting, the girl - no - woman would not know she had lived. It sorrowed her, that she must share the grief of losing an master so early. But, Rha promised herself, not for long, not yet for an lifetime. She had another century in her, if battle and illness did not take her.

And what of Vivian? Her dear old friend spent her days busy in the infirmary, training new healers and dealing with the worst wounds of recent battle. The truce between Jedi and Sith would do her good. It would take days if not week for the news to reach her.

Part of her grumbled and claimed Vivian would not even care. How long had it been since they saw each other? How long since they had more contact than an short message once per week?
Rha shook off the stray thought. Vivian had a lot to do, they both had. Friendship had simply fallen aside.

Again her mind turned Vowrawn. He often haunted her thoughts, be it late night or early morning. Surely he of all people would forgive the deception. He must.

Soon. Soon she would contact him, speak face to face. She was not sure how, but she'd figure something out. For him. And for her. Some days it were as if they spoke last yesterday, on others it was aeons they spent apart.

When she saw him next, Rha wanted to have an answer to give him. An choice. To set them both free – either she shall stay a Jedi and as such must close her heart to him, or she left and they would no longer be enemies.

Perhaps she could even get to know without the pretense of oaths and favor, without trickery and deceit.

She did not want to spent the next years wondering when she would have to fight him, kill him. Because it would come. It was an simple fact. Darth Vowrawn was an threat.

And when that day came she wanted to act without regrets. For that to be real, she must decide beforehand what path she would take.

Her fingers fidgeted with the seam of her top.

Sith or Jedi.

But the choice was not about what oaths she would keep. No. It had never been about codes and promises. Not for her.

She wanted Vowrawn to live, not just not be the one to kill him. She wanted to see him on his throne, in all his golden glory. And she wanted Obscurus to live, too.

Yet it would make the Jedi her enemies. Her own padawan! Never could she raise a blade against Rhaddravjen. Never. What of her old friends? Years may have separated them but Rha could not see herself battle against them. But they would. Was it not typical of the Jedi to send friends after friends? The chance that her Padawan might be ordered to capture her was high. An team of three, she imagined. Satele Shan might assume she would come easily if it were her dearest people. And Rha saw the truth in it.

No matter what, she would loose.

No matter what, she would fight forever.

Was that not what Jedi and Sith did? Kill each other?

The fragile peace on Yavin Four seemed so far away. A distant dream. It would not hold, never.

The approach of another force presence drew her out of her musings. Rha returned to the main room. With an wave of her hand, the door opened and let Obscurus in. Besides him floated an tray with what she assumed was her breakfast. After an exchange of greetings, they went back into the green room, as she had taken to calling it in her mind.

"Bad night, hm?"

Obscurus pushed an steaming cup into her hands. She nodded. One of the biggest disadvantages of having an Miralukka for an Master was that, while he could not see her eye bags, he had an far sharper sense of her Force Aura. There really was no hiding from him.

"What troubles you?"

Some part of her relaxed against her own will. It was hard to remember that she could not trust him as she once did – but it was as if she were years into the past, young and afraid, with her Master by her side. And it was so easy to give into the impulse to answer him freely, as if there was nothing to fear. Once he promised her, that terrible first day, to always protect her. An lifetime ago. An broken oath. And yet.

"Jedi or Sith. I'm always getting blood on my hands. Always was and will be." It was only an sliver of the truth.

"You weren't trained as knight." Obscurus pointed out.

"As if that ever mattered. I wasn't good enough at anything else and, well, I do have to admit I didn't complain in the first years. Too eager for battle. But, damn, they should not have let me fight. It was a miracle I never killed an fellow Jedi."

"Only Sith."

"Only Sith." She agreed. "You know how it was."

When it came to Sith, most liked to look away, lift a few rules and restrictions. It was only natural to hate your mortal enemy so. Didn't everyone? Sith aren't like us. She remembered it all.

"What we did – what I did - " Words failed her. Flashes of blood and screams and terror rushed into her mind. "I worked with Verax."

"The Interrogator?"

"Yes."

They were something like friends, once, a long time ago. He had been good to her. That made it worse.

Obscurus grimaced. "I remember him. They made him a Master. We recommended the opposite."

"We?" On some level she was aware people disliked Verax but she had never once heard someone complain to the Council.

"Iris, that was the Archivist responsible for restricted content, an fellow shadow and I. It was – an republic soldier came forward and reported some rather disturbing incidents. Nothing code-breaking if you took it by the letter. So of course he got an promotion."

Disturbing incidents – she had a few ideas. Verax only virtue was that he had never touched the dark side, not even once. And he was popular with the Council, shared lineage with all of them. The best man they had when it came to the mind arts. She could acknowledge his usefulness, no matter how disturbing his skills were.

"So that's why he sends other away before doing his -" Rha waved an hand. Honestly, she wasn't even quite sure how Verax did it. Force powers have never been her area of study. "You know."

"Yes." Obscurus paused. "I always imagined it would be him who would interrogate me, one day. I am surprised you let him near you."

"I didn't care about much, that time."

"Ah. I see."

She leaned back and winced as the movement tugged at her wounds.

"Are your injuries troubling you?" Obscurus asked and she checked her shields out of reflex. They were more loose than they should be in enemy territory. Rha narrowed her eyes.

"I'm fine."

"As you wish."

His unseeing gaze rested on her. She stared back. His presence flickered like dancing shadows, then it went still, as if it never happened. Rha watched his face, the twitch of his lips and the hint of an frown.

"Have you found out what you desire, yet?" Obscurus clasped his hand behind his back.

An shiver ran down her back. Maybe it was just the sleepless night. Maybe it was just the lack of painkillers. But she imagined that this was the Sith speaking to her, not her old mentor, whatever the line between them was.

"Not really. There is no vengeance to drive me. There is no apprentice to train. Friendship is distant. I am adrift." She shrugged and tried to project nonchalance. "The only one I really have is Rhaddravjen – my padawan – but she is a grown woman now and without her -" Rha trailed off. "What reason is left?"

"You alone choose what to fight for."

"Do I?"

Was not he too trying to make her fight for him? Did he not want her to join him? Just because he was not applying force now, it did not mean that he would never.

"What do you think is going to happen if you say no?"

Rha paused. Was he talking about himself? No, he must mean the Jedi.

"I'll be asked to reconsider. Then, if I am compromised. And since I am, I would be watched, the Master of Shadows alerted and I would be put on an supervised 'meditative retreat', whatever happens there. That is, if they don't find out I am fallen."

"And where do you think Shan will get the people to arrest you?"

There was an lilt to his voice she remembered well. He wanted her to figure something out.

"Arrest me?" She kept her tone ambiguous.

Obscurus sighed. "Be serious, padawan."

"Arrest implies I would resist."

His annoyance curled around him like smoke. Rha smiled.

"Truly, Rha, you know all the best fighters. You trained them, helped them. You are an Shadow. It is enough to make someone pause."

"I do not want to hurt them. My students. Some are so young yet – no, I believe Satele would go after me herself. She and a few trusted companions. Perhaps my own Padawan and some old friends." She turns to glare at Obscurus. "And its not arrogance that makes me say so. We're somewhat close. Just enough to make my betrayal hurt."

Obscurus raised his hands. "You have long proven your mettle. I believe you."

She bowed her head. A moment passed.

"One could nearly think it was intentional."

"Hm?"

"You have your hands everywhere. Working as Shadow, Knight and Instructor. Even trained with the Temple Guard."

"Well yes – how do you know that?" She had only joined the training sessions a few times and long after Obscurus betrayed them.

"I have my ways."

Rha raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you have an spy in the fucking guard."

"I won't."

Would pressing him on information work? She did not want to see the main Temple in ruins again. But he could also have gotten the information from any ex-member. It was not like she kept track of every rogue Jedi. The numbers were just too high.

"Well then, do tell me if you have any further advice." If there was an way to get to Obscurus, then it was to allow him to lecture.

"if you cannot learn what you desire, then do not think of what you want, but of what you need, for all possibilities."

What she needed, hm? If she joined Vowrawn or Obscurus, most issues would resolve themselves but she didn't like the idea. What if something went wrong? Worse, what if they died? She hated to acknowledge the possibility but they all lived dangerous lives.

"An ship – I could take mine or steal one, but that could be tracked. I'll still have my lightsabers and armor."

Obscurus interrupted her. "Can you guarantee that?"

"Come on, you know me. Either I stay with the Jedi and put myself in their hands or I leave and never let them have me cornered." She rolled her eyes. It was simple. Why risk an uncertain outcome when she didn't have to?

"Last time, you were a bit more hotheaded. Always chasing without caring where you step."

"So – Credits is the biggest issue." She didn't have any on her, nor had ever had much, but undercover mission had taught her how to get them. "Gambling and bounty hunting."

"I would also suggest something less tangible."

"You mean information?"

"Blackmail. Secrets. Anything to barter with when you have nothing but yourself."

"I am enough." Really, she was a shadow. Did Obscurus think she forgot all her missions?

He huffed.

His advice was more neutral than she had expected. Not an single push to join him.

Yes, all she really needed was an untraceable ship, some good armor and enough credit chips to get by. Tracking down criminals was a lot easier than trying to break into an Sith Lord's private archives or dueling five Sith at once. Even better, she could choose her targets. No more moral quandaries.

"Thank you. This was quite enlightening."

Because – why should she ever join the Sith? Bounty Hunters were welcomed enough in the Empire that she could visit Obscurus and Vowrawn to her hearts desire and still stay out of the war. She could visit Vivian and Rhaddravjen, maybe even encourage another truce. And if either Sith or Jedi pursued her, they would only push her into the enemies hands.

Not yet, though.

There was one enemy to be defeated. But once Zakuul had fallen – she would be free.

One last battle.

Yes. She smiled. The path was clear.