No Bêta and no native speaker ;)
Foreword : So, just a note on why I'm giving Rosalie the stance that follows in this chapter. I believe that with her traumatic past (frankly, there are many characters in Twilight who have a horrific backstory, but Rosalie's transformation context remains one of the worst elements of the saga for me), she would be the most mistrustful of strangers. Especially if one of the strangers in question is male, visibly dangerous, and admits to having a military past marked by violence... I think with the few elements she has, her imagination could easily run wild and lead her to a false conclusion (I'll let you discover within the chapter what I'm referring to).
Regarding the death of Jasper's sister... sometimes, I wonder if I'm going a bit too far in terms of melodrama and grim elements, but I wanted this story to be as credible as possible, and the elements I bring seem essential for an easy relational knot between certain characters (here, Jasper and Rosalie). I'll detail this choice a bit more in the endnotes.
A few mentions of past violent and disturbing events (no precise description of said events, they are just mentioned), including past sexual abuse, a suicide, and a lynching. Enjoy the read ;)
The words, the things... the prose merchants[1]
"We ain't splited us since. And here we are today. We are here."
They were here. Full of hope.
Hanging on the judgment of Carlisle Cullen.
« A man is more of a man by the things he keeps silent than by those he says. » The Fall - Albert Camus.
Jasper had evidently finished his story. No words had been spoken for long minutes, and the soldier had finally returned to sit beside his companion, nestled against her in Esme's elegant sofa, still stiff, his face neutral, and his thoughts once again carefully unreadable. The silence was thick, none of them knowing what to say after the long and painful exposition they had just witnessed.
"So many deaths... This feeling... My god, so young, a soldier at seventeen... Is he still manipulating us?... They must stay... A Confederate who fought for over eighty years... She saved him... Damn it, what a story!... Such a monster, is he using his power on the girl?... It's so atrocious, how could someone turn an empath into a executioner?... That pure emotion... A soldier, a rapist, a murderer... Such love... So many regrets and so much hope... They must leave."
Edward shook his head, trying to regain his composure. Well, it was certainly surprising and definitively horrible. All of this was so insane, so much worse than anything they could have expected when the two nomads showed up. His family's thoughts were an absolute mess, and he struggled to reorganize his own.
29173
It was absurd. Unimaginable.
29173 was the number of inhabitants of a medium-sized town.
29173 was more than the entire population of the town of Campbell [2]. It wasn't a count of victims; it was the outline of a genocide. Who, aside from certain dictators, could claim to have so much blood on their hands? What soldier could boast such carnage? It was like facing Toukhatchevski [3]. Like facing an officer of the Wehrmacht. And the only justification for this heap of corpses was following orders.
The images Jasper had let slip into his mind were gruesome. The murders committed were so numerous... it was beyond any possibility of redemption. And yet, there he was, quietly sitting in their living room: nestled against a girl resembling a fairy, awaiting Carlisle's decision with the expression of someone knowing they were condemned to die and having accepted their fate.
Edward studied Jasper's face, trying to understand. Something eluded him. It was impossible for the man in front of them to be of sound mind. Yet he had been strangely polite and measured when he recounted his story, clear in his explanations of the path that had led him to where he was. And Edward didn't know what to make of it: he still wasn't sure if vampires had souls, but if the nomad had ever had one, it must be torn into a thousand pieces. Scars fresher and more numerous than those covering his skin. Irredeemable beyond belief.
Eighty-seven years of almost daily killings and massacres, only to end up baring himself in front of perfect strangers. And for what hope? That Carlisle would offer them hospitality to Alice and him?
It made no sense.
And yet they had all just felt the overwhelming wave of hope sent by Jasper. The emotion had been dizzying, hope tightly entwined with love and the sense of belonging he had felt for Alice the night they met. And it surpassed anything Edward had ever felt in his life: it was a wonderful feeling, exhilarating... that of falling in love, of regaining faith. The feeling of having found a reason to live.
And how could a soulless vampire, a mass murderer, a coward who had condoned slavery, a man broken to such an extent emit such a pure emotion?
It challenged everything Edward believed in. And it made him angry and absurdly jealous: because, in the grand scheme of things, where was the divine justice in the fact that he had never met someone to love while Jasper, of all people, had found his soulmate after thriving in the dust and desolation of charnel houses for nearly a century?
Carlisle finally interlaced his fingers in front of him, looking pensive, and gave a sad smile to the couple in front of him.
"Thank you for sharing your story with us. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to give us all these details. I am truly grateful for your honesty."
Jasper politely inclined his head and relaxed almost imperceptibly, evidently relieved that Carlisle had ended the silence and did not seem furious about all the revelations that had just been made; Carlisle seemed to want to add something, but Alice's eyes suddenly clouded over, and she emitted a faint whimper that froze them all; her companion instantly on high alert, having put a protective arm in front of her, his gaze threatening and seeming ready to pounce.
Edward could see snippets of contradictory visions flashing through the seer's mind at lightning speed: the decision to integrate them into their family or not was hanging in the balance. It all seemed to depend on Edward's choice, in truth. His and Rosalie's. His sister, who was very close to her breaking point and whose unjustified rage risked overflowing at any moment if the couple did not leave the premises very quickly.
Carlisle didn't even consider refusing the nomads for a minute; he was a fervent advocate of second chances, and he had been deeply touched by Jasper's story. If his father had faith in anything, it was in redemption, and the hope the man had shared with them was more than enough for Carlisle to want to welcome them into the family. Esme was even less likely to reject them; her thoughts about Jasper's actions were much more tinged with pity and sadness than with the legitimate anger and horror they should have inspired. She felt a curious sense of protection towards him and sincerely wanted to help him; she couldn't have been happier than at the prospect of taking care of two additional "children," especially a child who had suffered so much. Some days, the kindness and naivety of his parents annoyed Edward. This day was clearly one of them.
Emmett was unusually measured in his thoughts, circumspect. He was not against the integration of the two nomads; on the contrary, he liked distractions, and he thought the presence of the two strangers would be entertaining and bring a new breath to their immortal existence and their family routine... Emmett's concern stemmed from the fact that he had not failed to detect his wife's strange mood and he was observing her stealthily, disinterested in Alice and Jasper's presence. He was worried: he thought he hadn't seen Rosalie as upset since a decade ago, and he didn't understand what could have put her in this state. Edward knew. He would have preferred not to know, and he was trying in vain to focus on something else - anything else - than his sister's chaotic and erroneous thoughts and the atrocious memories they brought back.
Rosalie could certainly be counted on to twist everything that had been said to hear something else and integrate it egocentrically into her personal drama. [4]
Alice snapped out of her visions, fluttering her eyes and seeming uncertain about the next steps. After a few seconds of contemplation, she took Jasper's hand, stroking it gently. She stretched like a cat and gracefully got up from the couch, pulling her companion along with her; she gave them all a slightly sad smile.
"Thank you all for agreeing to receive us and listen to us. If it's okay with you for us to take our leave, I believe you need a moment to discuss without our presence. We'll just go for a walk and hunt a bit in the forest east of your estate. We'll be back soon."
Carlisle looked surprised by this sudden departure but stood up to escort them to the door; Alice turned around as she approached the exit from the living room and locked eyes with Edward, a determined and almost stern expression animating her delicate face.
"Edward, if you don't want us to come back, even to bid you farewell, it's enough for one of you to make the decision: I will know, and we won't bother you anymore. Edward... please, you know the decision is yours. She's mistaken about him, and you know it, she would love him if she knew him, and you know it. He's done terrible things, but not the one she accuses him of. Never. Despite everything he's done, he's a good man. He's fought for so long; now, he just wants to live in peace. We would really love to join your family, you have no idea what it would mean to us if you allow it... we will never do anything to harm you, I promise you, my brother."
And after that silently addressed tirade, they disappeared at vampire speed and Edward could hear their footsteps and thoughts fading away as they crossed the boundaries of the property but the echo of Alice's voice continued to linger in his mind.
"I promise you, my brother."
Edward felt frustrated, furious, and humiliated by the girl's plea. Irritated that she forced him to take a stand and almost entirely placed the decision of accepting them into the family on him. Ashamed that she placed her trust in him and let both Jasper's and her own future depend on his goodwill. That she gambled on the possibility of Edward telling the truth about what he had perceived in their minds, even if the consequences of that possibility went against everything Edward wanted.
Edward sighed and cursed the injustice of the situation. Jasper had done everything to block his ability to read minds since his arrival, the only things that had escaped him were a myriad of gruesome images, a few memories, and confused, anxious thoughts about what he could or could not honestly reveal about his story without completely angering them and risking a fight. And Edward had to admit, despite his fear that the situation would worsen, the man had shown disarming honesty, sparing them very few details about his crimes. Not trying to sugarcoat reality or minimize the weight of his faults. The things he had kept silent about were... Edward lacked words to express them.
And yet Alice seemed to demand that Edward reveal some. Things that Jasper had deliberately kept silent, those that had broken him as a human and as a vampire, those he had whispered to Alice the evening they met and which he could never bring himself to talk about to anyone ever again.
Edward loved his ability to read minds, he loved that no one could hide the truth or their true personality from him for long, he loved understanding people and being able to analyze their thought process by exploring their minds. And if he deemed it necessary to reveal private elements for the safety of his family or to assert his point of view, he sometimes did not hesitate to disclose the secrets of others. It was a recurring source of disputes between him and Rosalie. But Edward had never felt less inclined to reveal someone's thoughts without their consent; it seemed terribly wrong in one way or another to expose the intimacy - which constituted their core - of a stranger to such an extent. What he had seen was terrible, it had chilled him to the core, and if he could have been physically ill, he would have undoubtedly felt nauseous.
The death of Jasper's sister, the Civil War, the lynching, the Southern wars, the constant pain, the endless executions of newborns, the bottomless depression, the torture, Maria's punishment for letting Peter and Charlotte escape, the madness, the hesitations to end it... It was all so bad. It was impossible for the empath to have his reason intact after so many atrocities.
Edward didn't want to say anything about it. He didn't want to vouch for Jasper's soul, didn't want the two nomads to join his family - no matter how sympathetic Alice was to him -, didn't want to take the risk of their presence bringing misfortune upon his house. And yet, whether to obey Alice's plea, to thwart most of the visions where he had seen himself keep silent, or because of his inability to remain silent in the face of such a misjudgment, he couldn't help but react after Rosalie's first words had burst out with rage, less than a minute after the nomads' departure.
"It's out of the question, Carlisle, he doesn't stay here!"
Carlisle sighed, he had sensed a battle coming but was not ready to give in. Jasper and Alice were where they were supposed to be, he was convinced of that.
"Rosalie, you're not the only one making decisions. We'll all discuss this calmly and..."
"There's nothing to discuss. I'm warning you, if you invite them to stay, I'm the one leaving!" Rosalie almost spat with fury, Carlisle tensed, Esme jumped in surprise at her daughter's categorical tone, and even Emmett frowned, still not knowing what was happening to his wife.
Esme tried gently to intervene.
"My dear, I don't understand. Why don't you want to give them a chance..."
"How can you want that man in our home? I don't care if his repentance for the Civil War is sincere or not! I won't live under the same roof as a rapist!"
Rosalie trembled with rage and Esme recoiled as if she had been slapped.
"Why do you think he..."
"Atrocities committed while he was a soldier," Rosalie scoffed, "what do you think he was referring to?"
Edward exhaled, speaking up before things drifted even further but determined to say as little as possible.
"Not that, Rose. I assure you, you're wrong. He summarily executed prisoners, witnessed a lynching [5] of a teenager, and participated in looting when he was in the army, and he killed thousands of innocents as a vampire but he never did what you accuse him of."
Carlisle turned to him, expectantly.
"Could you read his mind?"
"Partially. He hides his thoughts as much as possible but when he told his story, he was lost in his memories and I could see quite a few things..."
"If it's only partially. How can you be sure of what he did or didn't do?" Rosalie objected, still tense.
"That guy is not a rapist. That's for sure."
"How can you be sure?"
Rosalie insisted, stubborn, a disdainful expression on her face, crossing her arms in a defensive gesture, standing at her full height. Emmett had approached her, as close as possible without touching her. Edward refrained from sighing.
"I'm sure because I don't think he's ever been the kind of man to enjoy making others suffer: after all, he's damn empathic. Whether it was when he was a Confederate or in Maria's army, he killed thousands of people but I didn't see him torture anyone. I said he witnessed a lynching but he didn't participate in any way: he was too cowardly and obtuse to oppose it but that doesn't mean he took any pleasure in being a spectator. It's even precisely his guilty inaction during that event to which he referred when he said he thought some of his actions as a man had deserved him to burn in hell. Anyway, it's certain that he never did what you accuse him of. He said his sister had died but he didn't specify the circumstances: she was raped when she was twelve. A stranger who happened to pass by the family ranch when the girl was alone: the culprit was never found, Jasper did his best to comfort his sister and stayed by her side for weeks to take care of her but the girl was inconsolable, she never recovered from it... a few months after the assault, she hung herself. He found the body and brought it down so that his father wouldn't see it. It was a few weeks before the start of the Civil War. I think he partly joined and threw himself into combat to distract himself. I think he never stopped fleeing that memory.
And really, what could one say about a man who fled the memory of a little girl hanging in his head? [6]
"I assure you, the idea of him coercing a woman is ridiculous. He's almost as outraged as you are about this issue; I saw him fighting with one of his subordinates who wanted to abuse a Comanche prisoner during the war... yet, given his racism at the time, he must have had little regard for the girl. And regarding Alice, your idea that he would force her into anything by manipulating her with his power is repulsive [7]: I'm not infallible, and I can be wrong about many things when I read someone's thoughts, but I'm sure his love for her is sincere. He's completely devoted to her, and I'm sure he wouldn't intentionally harm her; his only reason for using his gift to calm us down was to ensure her safety. He didn't care if we attacked him but was utterly panicked at the prospect of Alice getting hurt in a conflict.
As expected, he had been carried away, and his little speech had a much more positive effect on the assembly than Edward would have wanted.
Esme was once again full of concern for the nomadic couple, compassionate toward Jasper and his dark past; Carlisle was even more resolute in his decision to welcome them. Emmett had noticeably relaxed, finally understanding the causes of his wife's anger; he was now beside her, tenderly embracing her as she seemed to suddenly calm down. And Edward didn't need to read Rosalie's thoughts to know that her rage against Jasper had disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared... Worse, her self-centered nature now led her to mix their individual tragedies into a shared drama [8]. Rosalie, who never felt pity for anyone other than herself, was now feeling a disturbing form of communion with the nomad: Jasper was a monster, but definitely not the kind that frightened her sister. As expected, there would be no more clear opposition from this side.
Which left Edward as the only rational person in the Cullen clan to contest the integration of Alice and Jasper into their family... and Alice's visions had suggested to him that it was a lost cause.
He still tried, putting as much haughtiness as possible into his tone:
"But no matter what he hasn't done, he's definitely dangerous! Think for a minute about his record! He himself admitted it: he's killed nearly 30,000 people. Do you realize what that number represents? As an empath, he has, by nature, an unstable character and can lose control of his power at any moment. And, even without taking into account that he's empathetic, he's experienced many horrible things, his creator subjected him to unimaginable things, enough to completely unbalance him. He may seem sane, but that doesn't mean he's not on the brink of breaking down and can't snap at any moment: he was very close to suicide before meeting Alice, and she's the only person who has any sway over him. If she's injured or worse, or if something goes wrong in her absence and he feels threatened, he could easily lose it and try to kill us all. Do you want to take that risk?
Esme seemed to hesitate for a moment, Emmett shrugged, and Rosalie gave him a strange look, but when Carlisle spoke, his tone was firm and uncompromising.
"He didn't seem unstable to me at all. I didn't even think an empathic vampire nearly a century old could exist: to have survived for so long in warzone and with such a power, his self-control and emotional mastery must be exceptional. That he's experienced terrible things in the past should prompt us to show him compassion, not turn our backs on him. And as for his number of victims, I think none of us can afford to judge him: he's had a very long life and was created in the worst possible place, in a violent context, to wage war while already a soldier. Can we really say that we would have had fewer victims than him if we had been turned in the South with his abilities and misinformation about the vampire world? What would have been my 'record' in similar circumstances? Personally, I'm not sure. And I won't judge him or reject him for his past mistakes if he sincerely tries to do better and change.
Edward was sure of it, Carlisle would never have had even a shadow of Jasper's record. Carlisle might have unintentionally fed on one or two humans if they had been presented bleeding in front of him right after his transformation, but he wouldn't have lasted a week in an army of newborns. His father was a noble and just soul; he would never have agreed to fight for an absurd cause, let alone destroy his unarmed comrades after they were deemed useless. He would have simply let himself die in the first battles. The same went for gentle Esme; she would have given nothing on a battlefield and would have been quickly eliminated.
Emmett might have wreaked some havoc among a Southern vampire army: with his stature, boundless energy, and above-average bloodlust, he could easily have caused destruction wherever he went with a malicious creator. A force of nature like him would surely have been destroyed due to carelessness, after a few hundred victims to his name. Surely.
And Rosalie... Rosalie, with her indomitable spirit, lust for life, and abrasive personality, transformed in a wartime context, she could have been a relentless force of devastation: no one could have easily harmed her, and her victims would have numbered in the thousands before anyone could think to stop her.
And himself? Edward preferred not to think about what his creation by anyone other than Carlisle in the midst of war would have been like. Would he, like Jasper, have used his powers in the service of a cruel and cunning creator? Would he have eliminated tens of thousands of individuals to obey orders? Would he have ended up haunted, covered in blood, with indelible scars and on the brink of the abyss? Edward didn't know, and he certainly didn't want to have to ask himself that question.
Even with the beneficial influence of Carlisle and Esme, even knowing about the vegetarian diet since his awakening, he had chosen to rebel and disregard all moral concerns to taste human blood. During his solitary journey, in less than three years, he had killed 352 people: a drop in the ocean compared to what Jasper had done, certainly. With that average, how many would he have reached over more than eighty years? Around 9,400. More than the number of human victims of Jasper...
Certainly, he had carefully chosen his prey, reading their thoughts and ensuring they deserved to die before proceeding with the killing and feeding. Guilty, judge, and executioner all at once: a monster feeding on other monsters, hypocritically pretending to administer "justice" while only satisfying his thirst. Did it make any difference that he believed he had never killed an innocent? He had chosen to play god, spitting on all the ideals his father had tried to instill in him.
And in some ways, he could identify with Jasper. Jasper, like him, had been more intelligent than average, had the ability to easily read and understand people. Jasper, who had been an arrogant and impetuous teenager who ran away from home before he was of age and fought a battle his father despised... the son of a humanist, making all the worst possible choices and turning into a murderer. Yes, Edward could identify with Jasper on some points, and it made him furious.
"You're right, I'm probably the least qualified here to judge him. But even if he sincerely does his best to adopt the vegetarian diet and be peaceful, his presence would inevitably put our family in danger. Do you deny this fact, Carlisle?"
"Each addition to our family is a risk, and I'm well aware of that: even with people with less complex pasts, there would be a danger in including them. But some changes are worth taking a risk for, and I'm convinced that Alice and Jasper are worth it. They've become vegetarians thanks to Alice's visions, they've come a long way to meet us, and they've taken the risk to trust us and honestly share their stories. I believe them when they say they have no ill intentions and want to be part of our family. I can't see myself closing our door to them, and I'd like you to accept them among us.
"The same goes for me; I believe everyone deserves a second chance and some peace. Alice needs a home, and Jasper needs a place to be at peace. I want them to stay."
Esme's tone was firm, and she looked at them hopefully, along with Rosalie and Emmett.
Emmett winked at Esme and smiled amusedly.
"Works for me. These two seem interesting, and having a seer and an empath in addition to a telepath around will surely spice up our daily lives. I'm looking forward to the next game sessions!"
Rosalie hesitated for a fraction of a second, not quite sure why, but she wanted to welcome them: Alice seemed charming, and she didn't have a real issue with Jasper now that the agonies of his past had been revealed. She wasn't thrilled about the idea of living with an empath in addition to a telepath—not by any means—but as long as the boy wasn't trying to manipulate her emotions anymore, she could probably tolerate him. Esme was right, Jasper probably deserved a bit of peace. Heavens, Edward had said he was downright suicidal before meeting Alice... and the pure hope he had transmitted to them by finishing his story. A small part of her couldn't hate him, and she had the strange urge to reach out to him.
"Okay, they can stay."
Edward restrained himself from getting angry and making a firm objection, hesitating to start a new round of arguments that would end in either disputes or an impasse. He didn't like changes, but everyone seemed rather determined to impose this one on him. He thought of Alice, of her strange gift and her joyful smile.
He prayed that this whole affair wouldn't turn into a total disaster and that no member of his family would be harmed in the process.
"As you wish," he conceded grumpily.
Esme and Carlisle gave him a relieved smile, and he wanted to curse them for their enthusiasm. He needed to clear his mind and vent some of his frustration before the nomads returned.
"I'm going out for a while to hunt."
When he returned two hours later, Alice and Jasper were settled in his room, and all his belongings had been relegated to the garage; his piano had ended up in the middle of the living room. He restrained himself from exploding at the supremely amused look on Alice and Emmett's faces, Rosalie's mocking smile, Jasper's cold and wary expression, and his parents' vaguely guilty thoughts.
"I told them you wouldn't mind giving up your room for us! Thanks again, it has a great view!" the seer chirped, looking absolutely thrilled and excited.
"Thanks, my brother."
Edward rolled his eyes and felt the corners of his mouth irresistibly stretch at such audacity. He had to stop himself from smiling at her. Alice might be a much more terrible threat than her companion.
End notes:
[1] The title of the chapter is a mix between "The Order of Things" by Michel Foucault and "La petite marchande de prose" (I don't know the official translate of this tittle) by Daniel Pennac.
[2] Campbell is the city in Minnesota that, among those I found, had the closest population to Jasper's "victim count" in 1950.
[3] Toukhatchevski was a commander in the Red Army who caused a large number of civilian casualties by ordering the use of toxic gases to suppress peasant uprisings.
[4] Yes, Edward is harshly judging Rosalie in this passage, but it doesn't come out of nowhere... Regardless of my perspective, I'm trying to stick to the Twilight canon where their relationship/views of each other are quite abhorrent. Considering her traumatic past, Rosalie's assumption about Jasper in this context is entirely plausible and understandable. Not only were rapes - and still are - commonplace during the war, but, to stick to the canon, Rosalie was raped by Royce and his group of friends following encouragement/incitement from Royce's friend John, who was a soldier on leave from Georgia and, specifically noted in the book, had a strong Southern accent... Personally, this detail made me think about how Rosalie might have viewed Jasper upon his arrival. A seemingly intimidating guy shows up at the Cullens', a military man with a strong Southern accent, announces having committed atrocities (without specifying which ones), and additionally has the ability to "read and manipulate emotions" of those around him. If that's not a giant "trigger" for Rosalie, I don't know what is: I believe we can easily understand where her assumptions and visceral reaction come from.
[5] This lynching story will not be developed in this fanfic, but I'm currently writing a series of OS about Jasper's past where I pick up on this element. The first OS is accessible at the end of this chapter on the title "The Unnamable" ;)
[6] I have no idea why this phrase imposed itself in my writing, but it was there and I couldn't bring myself to remove it, so here it is for Jasper's sister's death and the title of this chapter. The phrase is borrowed from "The Little Prose merchant" by Daniel Pennac. In the novel, it refers to a woman deeply marked by the book "The Demons" by Dostoevsky (where the narrator went mad after the suicide by hanging of a little girl he had raped).
[7] I respect the physical descriptions from the book for the protagonists in this fanfic. Canonically, Jasper is supposed to be between 6.2 ft and 6.4 ft (Meyer doesn't give him the same height in different texts) and Alice 4.8 ft : that's quite a monumental height difference, which, combined with their very different personalities and pasts, can lead to a rather disturbing contrast for external spectators. Still, regarding his past (assaulted and killed by his own fiancée) and his generalized distrust of men, I believe Rosalie would be the first to worry about the possibility that the big bad Jasper might manipulate the frail and gentle Alice with his power...
[8] Similarly, for Edward's harsh remark, I don't want to bash any characters, but I respect the canon animosity between him and Rosalie. Regarding Rosalie's sudden compassion towards Jasper: it was to explain why she - in accordance with the saga - accepted Jasper so easily to the point of offering to play the role of his twin brother when theoretically, with her personality and past, she should have been the one with the most reservations about his integration. For me, if she shows him some compassion quickly, it's because unconsciously his tragedy resonates with something for her.
[9] I twisted the timeline of events a bit, but the first thing Alice does after Carlisle accepts her and Jasper into the family is to take over Edward's room while he's out hunting :p
See you soon for the next chapter ^^