Good ol' California weather. Blink and the weather's gone up thirty degrees. Blink again and it's below freezing. Here Sofia was, having just woken up, a fine day in the middle of May, eight thirty in the morning, and it was still freezing cold outside. Made worse by the fact that she had forgotten to turn her air conditioning off freezing last night.

But Sofia didn't care. Because it was Friday. And on Fridays Arnie's shipments came. And that thought overwrote all thoughts of coldness from her brain.

Barefeet, Sofia climbed out of her bed, flipping off her sticky blankets, navigating the labyrinth of the mansion, taking care to not step on the spare pieces of junk food wrappers and sticky blobs of mystery fluid on the ground, and eventually reached the front entrance.

Through the blurred glass in the middle of her door, Sofia could already see the silhouette of the shipment– multicolored blobs of boxes, contrasting beautifully against the whitish dimness of the pre-morning sky. Sofia unlocked the door with the key that hung from the keyhole, swung the door open, and there it was– massive "family-sized" boxes of junk food, sacks of dinner rolls, two Walmart plastic bags full of microwave meals, cardboard boxes full of books. Altogether, the boxes stacked as high as Sofia was tall, glittering majestically in the morning sun like they were coated with gold.

Sofia didn't really care about the junk food. She's developed a tolerance to the dopamine rush that high fructose corn syrup usually triggers. But the books – the books. The books were going to be good this week. Sofia knew it.

Judging books by their covers was stupid. If Sofia judged a book by that, the copy of Labyrinth of Decisions she was holding would have gone out of the window immediately. Literally, it was a silhouette of a gloomy castle, the title of the book superimposed over it in elegant letters that devolved into swirls at the ends of their finishes. And, oh yeah, there was a snake coiled around the "L" in "Labyrinth". It was so generic, Sofia could have stared at it for an hour and be unable to tell it apart from all the other young-adult-medieval-coming-of-age-princess-power-fantasy -magic-is-real historical fiction in the bookstore the next day.

Even though her initial assessments were usually quite accurate, Sofia did not stoop so low as to judge books by their covers. Sofia turned the book to the back, and began to read:

Thanks to the brave sacrifice of Princess Yvonne's father the King, the City-State of Droon had just survived a long and grueling war against the Suma tribe, a clan of barbaric shadow shamans that had terrorized it borders for centuries. However, after an attempt on her life was made in her coronation–

Sofia had read enough. She chucked the copy of Labyrinth of Decisions somewhere. It hit the wall with a thud and landed on the floor, cover side up. The golden badge on top of it glittered under the crystal chandeliers above, proclaiming the book a #1 New York Bestseller.

Every single fucking book nowadays. Either you have boring historical fiction that wasn't actually historical like Labyrinth of Decisions,science fiction books about virtual reality, romance so utterly pointless that the tree that they cut down to make its constituent pages must have been crying in heaven in shame.

She has not read a good book since… a month ago? The one to stand out had been about a boy who inherits a magic shed from an old man. That was okay. It was the only book that Sofia could get through a single chapter before the boredom set in and her brain forced her to skim lines.

But there were still twenty-four hours in a day. And each passing day made each of these hours more excruciating.

All the time in the world, but nothing to do. Screw the junk food, there were only so many sickly sweet barbecue chips Sofia could take before even her enhanced Magi physiology succumbed to negative marginal utility. She had been mostly hoping the books this week would finally be good. Unfortunately, it looks as if that wasn't going to happen.

Sofia went back to her stack of books. The next was about gay teenagers coming to terms with their gayness. The next after that was the second dystopia-but-you-can-escape-into-a-VR-world- which-is-super-cool book she'd read that day. Books after books glazed past her, the photoshopped models on their covers duly noted.

God damn it.

Sofia didn't know what she had been expecting. It was naive to think that today's shipment would be anything different to the one last week, or the one in the week before that. And, honestly, even if there were a couple of good books in here, it was hardly going to last her the whole week. What had she even been so excited about again? What was there to be excited about anymore?

Kyubey.

That was something that Sofia could be excited about. Kyubey, Kyubey, Kyubey. Sofia's only friend. Once and awhile, he'd come to Sofia after a long day, and they'd have conversations. Kyubey would complain about his newest contracts, and Sofia would complain about her books. But then, Kyubey started showing up less and less. He visited twice a week, and then once a week, and now, after a cryptic message that he was "busy", he'd stopped showing up altogether; her used grief seeds simply disappeared into thin air.

There was a last resort that Sofia had tried her best to avoid. Up until now. If Sofia was going to live another week like she did last week, she wasn't sure if she was going to survive.

And that was to take a bounty.

Sofia detested bounties for a reason that she couldn't quite put her finger on. They churned her stomach, made her uncomfortable in a way that she couldn't explain, like it wasn't what she was supposed to be doing with her life. But, at that point, anything was better than shoving more meaningless squiggles inside her brain.

So that was that.

Bounty #2834

Location: Los Angeles County, California

Ability Rating: 5 (SELF-TELEPORTATION. ELECTRIC SHIELD)

Goal: Terminate target. Avoid civ involvement. Avoid unnecessary contractee casualties.

Reward: THREE grief seeds.

Status: OPEN.

PRESS TO APPLY

Bounties– Kyubey's way of preventing the people he didn't like from loitering around in his perfectly efficient system. Every once and awhile, Kyubey takes a look at every magi and estimates the amount of energy he can squeeze out of her until she dies. If this "thermodynamic potential" of yours goes a certain number below zero, your name ends up on the bounty board, and Contract Killers like Sofia hunt you down and kill you.

However, given every magi is scheduled to produce an ungodly amount of energy when they die, you have to work pretty hard to get into the list. You usually need to rack up a body count that rivaled most historical dictators. Luckily, such girls are rare, so they are usually located relatively far away. You'd usually need to hire teleporters to get to them.

But… this girl lived in Los Angeles County?

Malibu, where Sofia lived, was literally in Los Angeles county. And Los Angeles County wasn't big. She was a two hour drive away, at most. Why did anyone tell her that there was an omnicidal maniac living this close to her?

Sofia pressed the down key until the box of selectioning surrounded the PRESS TO APPLY button at the very bottom and clicked.

A box appeared in the middle of her screen. Please wait, Kyubey (followed by an emoji of the talking squirrel's face, in case anyone forgot who Kyubey was) is processing your application! Said the box in pixelated squiggles.

Sofia reached into her bag of potato chips but only felt crinkling foil and artificially flavored dust. She sighed, crumpled the empty bag, and chucked it across the room. It was an excellent shot - calculating trajectories was her specialty – and would definitely have landed inside the trash bin if it wasn't already overflowing with used wrappers and napkins like a landfill.

Whatever.

Kyubey probably would n't approve of this. His workspace, if he even had one, would be tidy, tidier than if ten maids nworked around Sofia's mansion full-time. Or, maybe Kyubey would appreciate that Sofia kept the house dirty, since it wasn't like cleaning it would accomplish anything for her; that Sofia was rising above the human need to have everything be all tidy for the sake of tidiness. Yeah, that was more like him.

Sofia knew it. She knew Kyubey better than anyone else, after all.

Sofia's BlackBerry played a pleasant piano flourish. Your application has been accepted! Said a notification. The incubator will be with you soon.

Oh shit. It actually worked.

Sofia felt her heart thumping in her chest. Why was she nervous? She shouldn't be nervous. Kyubey's the one that should be nervous. Just ignored her for

Hello, Sofia! the voice of Kyubey came from nowhere in particular. Been awhile since we last talked!

Sofia glanced at him.

"Yeah, it'd sure been awhile, Kyubey." Sofia said.

Kyubey sighed. You're right. It has been too long–

"The last time you ever came here to talk was three weeks ago." Sofia interrupted him. "And that was to collect seeds. And then you disappear off the face of the Earth. I had to take a bounty for you to talk to me. I've been bored out of my mind, reading the same fucking books over and over again."

Kyubey remained silent.

And suddenly Sofia felt very silly. What the fuck was this yandere bullshit she was pulling? Kyubey didn't owe Sofia anything, did he? He was Sofia's friend. That was all. It was Sofia's own fault that she had nothing interesting going on with her life.

"It's, it's almost like," Sofia was stuttering now. Her initial bravado had crumbled. "I don't know. I don't know, Kyubey. "

Kyubey took that as a sign that she was finished, sighed, and began. It has been a really busy time for me recently. He telepathied. I really wanted to come. It had been hard for me to find a conversation partner, too.

"But you had time to stop by for the bounty," Sofia said.

I said I was busy. Kyubey telepathied, his tail swinging from side to side. If I was just busy, I would still make time to see you. There's something different happening. You saw the message I sent you, yes?

Sofia did. She read every single message Kyubey sent her, even reread them from time to time when she was especially bored. It had been much shorter than Kyubey's messages usually were– just something about Kyubey being busy, how he'll get back to her as soon as possible.

Yeah, Kyubey said. That wasn't the whole thing, either. I could share it over the phone, but the overseers had decided to pay me a visit.

"Overseers?" Sofia asked. She'd never heard anything about Kyubey mention anything about overseers before. "You have overseers? What are they?"

Sofia thought she saw Kyubey crinkle his nose.

Eh… yeah. Kyubey said. But these guys are… more perfect than me. Allegedly.

"Allegedly."

Yeah. Kyubey said. They are okay, but I think I do my job perfectly fine. But they decided to come anyway, and there isn't much I can do about it.

"But they're overseers."

Mm-hm.

"So their job is to oversee you."

Yeah.

"What does that have anything to do with you being busy?"

From the corner of her eye, Sofia saw Kyubey shift uncomfortably at the question, and her heart sank. Was Kyubey just pretending to be her friend, after all this time? Or maybe it meant Sofia had done something wrong that had pushed Kyubey away?

Well, Kyubey's voice brought her out of her cycle of self-deprecation with a start. It's just that I'm not sure if they would approve of our conversations.

That got Sofia's attention.

What was that supposed to mean? Why would these overseers, supposedly "more perfect than Kyubey", be against his conversations with Sofia? And if Kyubey knew beings more perfect than him would find these conversations wasteful, then why would he keep having them? Was Kyubey conversing with her for reasons beyond propagating his world of perfect efficiency?

Does that mean they were really friends, then?

Relief poured into Sofia like she was an empty cup slowly being filled with warm, comfy hot chocolate. The midmorning cold disappeared into the recesses of her mind. Sofia struggled not to let elation pour into her facial expressions, part she still felt the corner of her lips curl upwards involuntarily.

"That… that explains it," Sofia said. And smiled. "But… but they won't care as long as I'm taking bounties?"

Yeah, Kyubey telepathied. Incubator briefings before bounties are pretty standard operating procedure, and you'd find them pretty boring, so they probably won't look much.

Probably. They probably won't suspect much, meaning that Kyubey wasn't even sure. Kyubey was really risking his job for her? "I see." Sofia said. "So you'll be able to visit every single time I do bounties?"

Yeah, but we probably shouldn't take too long, otherwise they just might suspect something, Kyubey telepathied. Anyway, have you read anything good lately?

"Books have been shit the past month." Sofia said. "What happened to all the good authors in our time?"

Past month? Kyubey telepathied. A hint of shock flavored his adorably monotone voice. Have you been doing nothing but reading books while I was gone? I would have thought you would find something else to do with your time if you disliked books so much.

"Well," Sofia said. "That's what I'm trying to do now, no?"

I'm serious, Kyubey telepathied. You ought to pay attention to stuff like this. I know you have an abundance of seeds, but they can run out surprisingly quickly if you're in a bad mental state. If books aren't interesting to you, you need to do something else to pass your time. It doesn't have to be Bounties. You just need to find something to do.

"Yeah, yeah," Sofia said. "You don't need to worry about that. I'll definitely think of something."

Show me your gem. Kyubey telepathied.

Sofia obliged. From thin air, the device in which she held her soul gem materialized– her magical weapon, a tomato-colored plastic water gun with bright white polka dots stamped on it, Like a mushroom. With a thought, red liquid oozed out of the gun's nozzle and coagulated into an egg shaped ruby. It was definitely dimmer than when she had purified it the day before yesterday.

When'd you last purify it? Three days ago?

"Two," Sofia said.

This is a problem, Kyubey telepathied. If you haven't used any magic in between, you've used about one point three six times more energy than the average Magical Girl. That isn't an insignificant margin. Actually, here.

The creepy pouch on Kyubey's back opened, revealing nothingness within. Kyubey maneuvered his tail into it, seemed to grab on to something, and then chucked it to Sofia with surprising accuracy.

Sofia caught it. It was a grief seed.

Purify, Kyubey telepathied. Do it now. Don't worry, you aren't getting it for free. I'll grab one from your stash before I leave.

Sofia nodded, thanked Kyubey, and clinked the seed on her gem and watched black fog pour out.

"Yeah, you're absolutely right. Might stop at the bookstore en route to buy some actual good books, instead of the crap Arnie gives me."

Honestly, given the stack over here, I don't think books actually interest you much. I would suggest finding something else.

"We'll see." Sofia said. "And, about the Bounty?"

About the bounty. Kyubey said. From the hole on his back, he conjured a huge sheaf of paper, held together by a comb bind, and slammed it into Sofia's table. Your target is Lucia Mount. She lives in Pasadena, which should be an hour's drive from here.

"What did she do? Why's her bounty so high?"

Classified, to both those questions. In fact, I had to redact most of her file last-second so you wouldn't figure anything out. Kyubey telepathied. Also, you are prohibited from disclosing the events of the bounty to anyone unless explicitly told otherwise. As far as all unrelated individuals are concerned, you lodged in your house and read Labyrinth of Decisions all day. Understood?

That was weird. None of Sofia's terminations have been classified before, nor have she ever heard of any other CKs on her forum mentioning bounties where the victim's information was classified. Maybe that was because Kyubey also prohibited them from "disclosing the events of the bounty to anyone", too.

"Yeah," Sofia said, "You can count on me."

Of course. Anyways, you know the drill. Your transport is waiting for you outside. He will take you to Pasadena High School. That's in Pasadena, obviously.

That got Sofia's attention. "Pasadena High School? This girl's in school?" Magis marked for termination were usually too unstable for that.

Correct. Kyubey slammed his paws on the sheaf of paper. Everything you need to know about Lucia is on the file, as well as the plan I've drafted for you.

"Sure," Sofia said.

Yeah. Kyubey telepathied. That's probably all the time we have before an overseer starts to catch on. I need to leave as soon as possible. Do you have any questions?

"Yeah. That's fine." Sofia said evenly. And it was.

Obviously, Kyubey said. Termination reports are awfully important, and I currently lack resources to automate them with satisfactory proficiency. I'll see you soon. Your transport is outside already. Good luck!

Kyubey left before Sofia could get another word in.

The chauffeur was an Asian man in his early twenties. He had a full mustache, long hair that went to his shoulders, and a minivan. He stared at Sofia warily. Didn't say a word though, just as she liked it. Sofia sat in the trunk seats of the minivan, as far away from the driver as possible, and started reading Kyubey's document on Lucia.

Name: Lucia Chiara Mount.

Age: [Redacted].

Contracted: [Redacted] ago in [Redacted], [Redacted].

Address: [Redacted]

Occupation: student, Pasadena High School.

Basically everything that Kyubey had not mentioned in the one minute conversation that they'd had earlier were redacted. Nice.

Sofia flipped the page.

Like a wikipedia article, a section on Lucia's early life succeeded the snapshot. Other than random articles and conjunctions, the section had been completely redacted.

Sofia flipped through the book, trying to find a section on Lucia's powers. What the fuck, those were completely redacted too. This had to be a mistake.

Kyubey? Are you there?

No response.

Sofia leafed through the pages. The conjunctions had disappeared, too, so now each sheet contained nothing more than thirty-something rows of black redaction rectangles.

Finally, she reached the back cover, which detailed the plan that Kyubey calculated for Sofia. Pretty classic incubator plan. Sofia was to take a vantage point in the girl's bathroom in Pasadena High School and multiply her spores in a place that Lucia will reliably blunder into of her own accord.

No need to know Lucia's powers at all.

Sofia didn't understand why Kyubey would withhold Lucia's abilities. After Sofia possessed another magi, she got instant knowledge of their powers anyway. Wait, actually, it was possible that this was an intentional tactic by Kyubey to force her to use the plan that he'd given her. Combine that with the five seed reward, Kyubey must really want this bitch dead for some reason. Why? What could Lucia Mount have possibly done to warrant this kind of attention from Kyubey? And what reason could Kyubey have to keep Sofia in the dark about it?

Fuck it. It wasn't her job to ask questions anyways. Everything was already outlined for her, right here. There was no need for Sofia to think; not like this train of thought was going to ever lead somewhere useful anyway.

Sofia spent the rest of the drive trying to fall asleep. It didn't work.

The termination was not complicated. Kyubey's plan worked flawlessly, as usual, and she was in and out of Pasadena High within twenty minutes. Another hour later, she was home.

(Has her house always smelled this bad?)

Lucia's powers weren't even that complicated. She had throwable projectiles that teleported her to wherever they landed. Her magical weapon was a shield. Nothing that seemed to warrant the five seed bounty.

Despite the promise, Kyubey never came for his termination report that night. He did leave a cryptic message on Sofia's phone, though:

Congratulations on the termination! Due to a series of unforeseen circumstances, I am currently too busy to receive your termination report. One of my informants in Pasadena has already briefed me on the highlights, so you need not anticipate a visit from me.

Please dispose of Lucia's body as soon as possible. She is incredibly dangerous, and I cannot risk her freedom.

Kyubey

Fuck off. Sofia spent two hours in a bumpy car ride and twenty minutes in a high school bathroom to have an actual conversation with Kyubey. And now he's bailed on Sofia twice.

Fuck disposing of Lucia's body. If Lucia regained her consciousness somehow Sofia was probably dead anyways,

But then Sofia felt bad. Given Kyubey's ability to foresee things, any unforeseen circumstances probably wouldn't be his fault. Dealing with them probably put him in a shitty mood, and Sofia whining like a fucking bitch and demanding more of his time than everyone else was probably not helping.

But if Sofia wanted Kyubey to talk to her, then all she had to do was to take a fucking bounty. Really, there was nothing wrong with bounties- the two hour car ride was still a great magnitude more fun than anything she'd read over the past month, and she was able to thwart a girl who abused her power. What was her reasoning behind keeping herself from taking bounties over the past month again?

In fact, maybe she'll take another bounty tomorrow– no, the day after that, probably. After all, Arlene the maid would be here tomorrow, and Sofia didn't want her stealing anything.