—extensive life-threatening injuries—
oh...
—multiple organ failure—
...this sucks.
—numerous broken bones—
Hide felt himself drifting back to sleep. He tried to keep his eyes open.
—lucky to be alive—
He stared at the fluorescent lights above him until his eyes blurred.
—the beams miraculously did minimal damage to his head and neck, that's why—
Where was...
—we have to transplant her organs while we still can—
...Rize?
—we can't! his blood type isn't a match! there must be another way—
His eyes slipped closed.
—better on immunosuppressants for the rest of his life than dead—
The last thing he heard was,
—I'll take full responsibility.
His eyes opened and he heard voices, staticky and too loud.
He pushed himself up slowly, aching all over, and felt something weighing down his arm. He looked at the chair pulled up to his bed, and then at Kaneki, wrapped around his arm like it was pillow.
Kaneki's shoulder was heavily bandaged beneath his hospital gown.
It meant that he was—
He gently pulled his arm from Kaneki's grip and slipped out of bed. He padded to the bathroom.
He used to hate the flimsy feeling of hospital gowns, but he'd hated the feeling of a lot of things. He didn't notice the needle slip free of his skin and steadily drip liquid onto the bed as he held onto the wall and stumbled into the sink.
He gripped the sides and looked at himself in the mirror.
—a ghoul.
He leaned close to his reflection, but his—Hide's eyes were still the color of olives. He caught a spot of red on his elbow in the reflection and took a step back, raising his arm to look at the puncture wound.
He wasn't...?
He touched the blood and sniffed it, but it just smelled vaguely metallic. He was still human?
How would Dr. Kano ever have gotten away with it if it didn't take time for his body to acclimate? Wait until the point when he was disgusted by the food given to him and then discharge him fast.
He trembled.
—we felt she died instantly at the scene—
He could hear the voices through the wall, clearer than before. A TV...?
—I felt it was my duty as a doctor to save the life in front of me—
Why here? Why Tokyo Ghoul?
—that's why I made the decision—
Better Hide than a background character being eaten alive in a back alley, right? His back hit the wall and he slid down, ducking his head between his knees as he tried to breathe.
How long did he have until he stopped being human?
Tatami, Ayato, Touka, Eto, Arima—
Arima, Arima, Arima.
What had he done? What had Nagachika made him do?
He was lightheaded. He couldn't breathe. He could still fix this.
He changed his mind. Let someone else be the protagonist of this tragedy. He'd saved Kaneki, so Hide would leave him alone.
He grabbed the sink and pulled himself up. He was still human. Human enough that if he broke the mirror and used the shards to gouge out his insides it'd still work.
How many of her organs had been used to replace his?
Drool dribbled down his chin. His hand shook as he curled his fingers into a fist.
Who cared? He was in a hospital. They'd fix him. Or transfer him, or, or—
̶"̶O̶r̶ ̶l̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶,̶"̶ Hide said behind him. ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶n̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶a̶l̶m̶ ̶d̶o̶w̶n̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶d̶e̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶h̶y̶p̶e̶r̶v̶e̶n̶t̶i̶l̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶.̶"̶
He stumbled into the wall. Was the room spinning or was his neck breaking again, heavy and weighed down by tons and tons of steel?
pressure on his back and legs that made him want to cry, panic fluttering uselessly in his chest as he was soaked in his own blood, fighting to move as he lost consciousness...
He still could—the glass—
He reared his arm back and felt hands grab his elbow and wrist, pulling his arm down, saying his name as he collapsed.
Hide rapped his knuckles against the wall next to the bathroom. "Hey, two-forty-five, your TV's too loud again," he called. "I can't hear myself think."
They never answered, but he stopped hearing the TV.
"Some people," he said, shaking his head.
"You didn't have to do that," Kaneki said meekly, hiding behind the pages of his book. It was by Kafka or Kafta or something German. "I could've read a little louder."
"That's the opposite of solving the problem," Hide said back, plopping down in bed. "This is why everyone walks all over you, Kaneki."
Kaneki didn't respond. He peeked up at him over the top with kicked puppy eyes. It was his I'm thinking about the accident again look.
Accident. Right.
They didn't talk about what happened in the bathroom a week ago.
Hide stretched his legs and pretended not to see it. "Weren't you supposed to be discharged ages ago? No way you haven't healed enough by now. Wasn't it just a minor surgery?"
Kaneki looked back down at the pages.
"Mr. Kaneki and I struck a little deal, you see," Dr. Kano answered, and both he and Kaneki looked towards the doorway. Dr. Kano slid the door shut as he came into the room. "It's something I've been meaning to speak to you about as well, Mr. Nagachika. I'm sure you've heard some of the details about your situation by now. I wanted to keep you in the dark until you recovered more, but it turned out to be impossible in a hospital as big as this one."
If he wanted to eat anyone first, it was him.
̶"̶H̶i̶s̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶e̶r̶i̶m̶e̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶s̶,̶"̶ Nagachika sat on the windowsill. ̶"̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶C̶C̶G̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶n̶u̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶i̶o̶r̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶e̶c̶r̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶ ̶q̶u̶i̶n̶q̶u̶e̶.̶"̶
"You and Mr. Kaneki both know you were attacked by a ghoul, and no one is denying that. That information, however, has been kept from the general public as to keep the peace," Dr. Kano explained. "Of course, a simple ghoul attack is nothing the public would get riled up over. But the particular ghoul that attacked you was called a Binge Eater. Her body count in the last six months alone is estimated to be over fifty. I'm sure a bright young man like you can figure out why revealing the existence of Binge Eaters would be an unfavorable choice, especially with your newfound knowledge of how well ghouls can mimic human behavior."
Hide glanced at Kaneki, and Kaneki looked back at him. He didn't look surprised by any of this.
"In exchange for Mr. Kaneki's silence about the truth of the matter I've withheld signing off on his discharge paperwork. I seem to have misplaced his file. How clumsy of me," Dr. Kano said. "If anyone were to ask, you were drawn to the site by cries of help from Ms. Kamishiro, and in attempting to assist her, you were caught up in the same equipment failure that trapped her there. It may be upsetting to paint Ms. Kamishiro in that light, but it's for the best."
Kaneki knew about the transplant, didn't he? So why was Dr. Kano talking to them like they were both idiots—
Hide locked eyes with Dr. Kano. His smile was that of a friendly old man. But his eyes were slanted and shrewd, saying, who would believe you if you told them that your organs came from a ghoul?
Hide didn't blink.
who would take your word over mine?
Dr. Kano eye-smiled and it felt like he was laughing at him.
and even if someone believed you, what do you think would happen to you?
But Kaneki—
—had taken Dr. Kano at his word. Ken Kaneki had believed he'd made an honest mistake. If Dr. Kano told him his organs came from a random donor, he'd believe it. Why doubt him?
go ahead and tell him the truth. see what happens to him.
Who really was two-forty-five? Why let him hear the press conference?
̶"̶O̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, snapping his fingers. ̶"̶H̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶u̶p̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶a̶r̶p̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶b̶j̶e̶c̶t̶.̶ ̶C̶o̶m̶p̶l̶i̶a̶n̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶u̶s̶h̶o̶v̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶q̶u̶e̶s̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶i̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶o̶t̶i̶v̶e̶s̶—̶"̶ he waggled his fingers. ̶"̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶p̶a̶t̶i̶e̶n̶t̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶f̶e̶r̶e̶d̶.̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶c̶e̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶'̶d̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶R̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶?̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶j̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶n̶e̶s̶s̶e̶s̶.̶ ̶I̶n̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶d̶s̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶u̶p̶.̶"̶
He still wished Nagachika dead but listening to his explanation unwillingly made him less tense.
̶"̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶o̶m̶e̶s̶ ̶d̶a̶n̶g̶e̶r̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶l̶a̶t̶e̶r̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶a̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶d̶a̶n̶g̶e̶r̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶"̶ Nagachika added. ̶"̶H̶e̶ ̶g̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶i̶e̶c̶e̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶c̶c̶e̶p̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶l̶a̶n̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶.̶ ̶H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶n̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶e̶a̶r̶l̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶.̶"̶
"Mr. Nagachika?" Dr. Kano asked, prompting, waiting for his response.
̶"̶I̶f̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶p̶i̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶g̶ ̶d̶e̶e̶p̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶.̶"̶
Kaneki was studying him too.
"I understand," Hide said, laying back. "I'll stick to the story."
"Very good," Dr. Kano said. "As long as you cooperate, Mr. Kaneki can stay for as long as he wishes."
His eyes narrowed a little at the ceiling.
"I hear they're serving fish today. Lucky you. Staff aren't fed nearly as well as patients," Dr. Kano opened the door and walked out.
No doubt he'd keep Kaneki's file on hand for his cooperation. Man, why was this so complicated already?
Kaneki closed his book and put it down on the table. He leaned back in the chair. "I've been trying to come up with a way to thank you for—for what you did."
Hide held his hands behind his head. "Don't sweat it, Kaneki—"
"I do sweat it," he said quickly. His shoulders bunched and his fingers dug into his gown. "You tried to tell me and I didn't listen and—I was so stupid. You almost died. You did die. They brought you back twice before they got you into the operating room."
Hide's eyes widened. Tears dripped onto Kaneki's gown.
"My own stupidity almost cost you your life!" he shouted. "I'm such a stupid burden on everyone I meet—"
Hide flicked his forehead. "Hey," he said as Kaneki drew back. "I didn't do what I did so you'd throw yourself a pity party. I did it because it was such a dumb, Kaneki way to die. You're not some nameless victim in a mystery novel. You're Kaneki, my best friend, and I wanted you to live. That's all there is to it."
̶"̶S̶o̶ ̶e̶m̶b̶a̶r̶r̶a̶s̶s̶i̶n̶g̶!"̶ Nagachika said, hunching as he scratched his cheek. ̶"̶D̶o̶ ̶I̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶?̶"̶
Kaneki sniffed and wiped his eyes with his gown. "Thank you, Hide. Thank you—"
Hide took his book and dropped it on his head. "What did I say?"
"What—that wasn't an apology!"
"You didn't finish reading me that story about the bug. You wanted to force me to read more, right?"
"Metamorphosis. And yes. How can you study foreign languages but choose to be illiterate to their literature?"
Hide dropped the book in his lap. "Yeah, whatever."
The nurse shook blue and pink pills out of a cup onto his foldable table.
Her nametag read Aimi.
"Dr. Kano has upped the dosage on your anti-rejection medication. Those are the pink ones," she said, moving the two to the side. "You need to take two doses every four hours, including at night. I hear you've been having back pain and not urinating as much as you used to?"
"Yeah." Hide grabbed the pills, took the cup of water next to them, and shoved them in his mouth.
His tongue refused to move and push them down his throat until he tilted his head back and downed the entire cup to force himself to swallow. They weren't anti-rejection pills.
He hadn't figured out if the blue ones were the blood pills, or the pink ones. The other was RC suppressants.
Because he'd messed everything up, as Nagachika said.
His blood type was AB. Rize's was the complete opposite at O.
If he didn't take suppressants until he'd fully turned ghoul his body would eat itself. Or he'd end up like Shirazu's sister, with his kagune growing from his body independently from him.
"Dr. Kano and I are keeping a close eye on you, so you don't have to worry. We'll take good care of you," she said, taking the cup from him to refill it. "These blue ones are a stronger dose of the antacids you've already been taking. Take three every twelve hours."
She watched him drink and struggle swallowing them.
"Will Dr. Kano lose his license?" he asked, laying back on the pillows.
Her smile turned uncertain. "Will he...?"
"Sorry," he said, looking at the ceiling. "I just heard about his interview with the press on TV. His name is on the hospital. A lot of things would have to change if he lost it."
"You've been watching TV?"
He hooked a thumb at the wall. "Through two-forty-five. They keep their TV on super loud. It keeps me up at night. I didn't want to get them in trouble by filing a complaint."
Her eyebrows rose and she looked at the wall. "Are you sure?"
He dropped his hand. "Yeah."
She shot him a troubled look. "Mr. Nagachika, that room is empty. This is the intensive care floor. Your condition hasn't stabilized yet, so that's why you haven't been moved, but patients who come through here usually spend very short amounts of time here."
He glanced at the wall. "Huh. That's weird."
"It must be some kind of mistake. One of the staff taking a break in that room, perhaps? I'll speak to Dr. Kano about it and see if he can get to the bottom of it."
"Oh, well, thanks." He made himself smile as she left the room. "I really appreciate it."
Hide pinched a pickle between his chopsticks and dropped it in his mouth.
Nagachika made gagging sounds at him.
He didn't know what was so wrong with pickles.
He opened Kaneki's text, "They told me to come back for more notes today and tomorrow. They've been really accommodating. Not sure what I would've done if the foreign language department wasn't so—"
Hide choked. His phone tumbled from his hand as he—
rotten, sour, like it had been seasoned with shit.
—threw himself over the side of the bed and vomited.
"Not to your liking?" Dr. Kano asked.
Hide stared down at his own bile, then up at Dr. Kano.
He wiped his mouth as Dr. Kano closed the door, giving him that kindly old man smile.
"I think it's about time to discharge you, don't you think, Mr. Nagachika?"
̶"̶H̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶e̶n̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶"̶ Nagachika said, chin on his hand as he leaned on the bed.
Hide looked at his half-eaten vegetables, the untouched sausage, and felt horror creep up his spine.
̶"̶K̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶o̶l̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶.̶"̶
He glanced at Dr. Kano. "Can I ask you a few questions?"
"No," Dr. Kano said happily.
"Why—"
"You concerned me, Mr. Nagachika. I was afraid my timetable would be incorrect. I'm glad to see that's not the case," Dr. Kano said, turning to leave. "Make sure you pick up your prescription and have it filled on time. Your condition is very delicate."
He slid the door shut.
Hide stared at the bed, then he picked up the food tray and threw it as hard as he could. He was breathing hard as his plastic cup burst water against the wall and the sausage splattered the floor.
Hide locked the apartment door behind him, pressed his back to the door, and slid down to the floor.
The bottles in his pharmacy bag clattered noisily.
"Nagachika."
Orange sneakers stepped into his vision.
Hide tilted his head back. "You think Dr. Kano has people watching me?"
̶"̶T̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, crossing his arms. ̶"̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶n̶o̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶t̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶E̶i̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶,̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶.̶ ̶I̶f̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶e̶r̶i̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶c̶e̶s̶s̶f̶u̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
"Right." He pulled the bag into his lap and held a clear bottle full of dark green pills above him.
He squinted at the label. Some long name, something, immunosuppressants.
They didn't look anything like the pink pills Dr. Kano gave him. He dropped the bottle back in the bag, laid on the floor, and fell asleep.
The sun was in his eyes when he woke up again.
He squinted, shading his face as he found the window it was coming through. It was paperwork that'd stopped Dr. Kano from discharging him right after he'd left his room.
He'd instead discharged him in the middle of the night like someone who really wanted to be eaten.
It wasn't supposed to be allowed, but Dr. Kano wouldn't stick around for much longer. They'd have to find him to bring him in front of a board to talk about his mistreatment of his patient.
He was hungry. He wished he could choke down more of those pink pills. Or was it the blue ones?
"Nagachika."
̶"̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶s̶t̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶c̶a̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶o̶g̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶.̶ ̶M̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶?̶"̶ Nagachika crouched in front of him and stuck a finger in his face. ̶"̶I̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶s̶t̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
Hide squinted up at him. "It's so bright."
̶"̶T̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶a̶t̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶?̶"̶
"You know this whole world isn't real, right? How can you still smile like that?"
Nagachika dropped his hand and looked away.
"Even if I am Haise, you coming back won't change what'll happen."
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶H̶a̶i̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶d̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶e̶s̶c̶a̶p̶e̶.̶"̶
Hide checked the second bottle in the pharmacy bag. Antacids. He screwed open the top and peered inside. White pills with letters written on them in red.
̶"̶K̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶.̶ ̶O̶k̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶s̶w̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶p̶u̶n̶c̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶?̶"̶
Hide focused on him. "You can't."
̶"̶P̶l̶a̶y̶ ̶a̶l̶o̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶"̶ Nagachika said through his teeth.
"I get the point—"
̶"̶D̶i̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶m̶s̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶"̶ Nagachika leaned closer to him.
He wish his head injury meant he'd forgotten it.
help, why was no one helping him when he was in so much pain...?
why was he still awake...? why was he—
Hide covered his eyes.
—still alive?
̶"̶E̶x̶a̶c̶t̶l̶y̶.̶ ̶I̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶l̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶a̶p̶e̶r̶c̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶M̶y̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶n̶e̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶I̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶u̶n̶t̶i̶l̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶.̶ ̶W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶g̶h̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said. ̶"̶W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶l̶a̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶a̶d̶ ̶s̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶.̶ W̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶?̶"̶
Why shouldn't he get a third chance? A third life? Why couldn't he live without needing to suffer?
Was he imagining the hand on his shoulder?
̶"̶G̶o̶ ̶a̶h̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶g̶o̶n̶y̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶u̶n̶t̶i̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶.̶ ̶H̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶?̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶t̶h̶e̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶"̶
He opened one eye, staring blearily at the pill bottle on the floor.
̶"̶It ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶e̶a̶s̶i̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶u̶p̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶d̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶.̶ ̶H̶o̶w̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶k̶?̶ ̶A̶ ̶f̶e̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶u̶r̶s̶?̶ ̶A̶ ̶f̶e̶w̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶s̶?̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶n̶e̶i̶g̶h̶b̶o̶r̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶l̶a̶d̶y̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶A̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶n̶e̶i̶g̶h̶b̶o̶r̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶o̶r̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶l̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶t̶,̶"̶ Nagachika pulled his hand back. ̶"̶C̶o̶u̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶p̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶e̶n̶s̶e̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶w̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶—̶"̶
"They'll understand why you didn't," he sniped.
Why had he liked Tokyo Ghoul so much?
Ken Kaneki's strength hadn't come from his friends. He was so strong because he'd decided the world had owed him his life.
Nagachika rubbed his chin. ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶a̶b̶i̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶n̶e̶f̶i̶t̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶"̶
He pushed himself up. He walked to the lone kitchen counter and grabbed the bag of snacks that Nagachika had never gotten around to putting away.
Shrimp Chips was the first one he saw. He opened it and stuffed a handful of noodle-shaped chips in his mouth. It hit his tongue like shrimp that had been left in the sun for a day and deep fried.
He dropped the bag and slipped on the spilled chips as he ran to the bathroom. He shoved up the toilet seat and retched into the bowl.
̶"̶W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶?̶"̶
It tasted worse. He wiped his mouth, held onto the wall as he stood, and went back to the kitchen. He picked up the bag of Shrimp Chips and went back to the bathroom.
̶"̶D̶u̶d̶e̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶o̶k̶a̶y̶?̶"̶
He ate another Shrimp Chip. He barely felt it on his tongue before he was bent over the toilet. "I'm going to eat like a person," he said weakly, leaning on the rim.
Nagachika crossed his arms. ̶"̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶ ̶F̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶M̶r̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶s̶h̶i̶m̶u̶r̶a̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶—̶"̶
"I don't need the old man." He pulled out a shrimp chip and forced it into his mouth. His teeth chattered as he made himself bite down and pieces spread out inside his mouth. He vomited.
̶"̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶e̶n̶c̶o̶u̶r̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
His stomach clenched and he bent over, groaning. He was a ghoul, and he couldn't do anything about it.
unfair.
He ground a shrimp chip between his teeth, forced its putridness down his throat, and violently threw up.
He chose this.
He reached into the bag and found it empty.
Had he?
unfair, unfair, unfair—
̶"̶U̶h̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said in concern.
He flushed the toilet and collapsed on the floor, holding his stomach. "I'm going to keep something down by sundown."
̶"̶O̶k̶a̶y̶.̶ ̶S̶u̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶s̶u̶n̶d̶o̶w̶n̶?̶"̶
He tried to speak and burped. "Oh man..."
Nagachika rubbed his chin. " ̶W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶ ̶K̶i̶m̶i̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶d̶o̶c̶t̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶.̶.̶?̶"̶
He tried again, "Meet someone."
̶"̶T̶o̶u̶k̶a̶?̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶a̶.̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶s̶p̶i̶t̶a̶l̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶m̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶e̶n̶s̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶w̶o̶ ̶w̶e̶e̶k̶s̶ ̶a̶g̶o̶—̶"̶
Nagachika glanced down and realized that his double had passed out. He was even drooling. ̶"̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶g̶u̶y̶,̶"̶ ̶he said, shaking his head.
Hide tossed a pizza flavored chip in his mouth, chewed it into crumbs, and swallowed it.
It tasted like his own vomit. His stomach felt liquid in a way that used to tell him that he was about to have a really bad time in the bathroom.
He held the bag up. "Did you have to buy three of these?"
̶"̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶o̶r̶d̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, chin on his palm. ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶e̶y̶ ̶f̶l̶a̶v̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶m̶p̶o̶r̶t̶e̶d̶.̶"̶
He really missed the taste of blackberry shakes. Not that they had them here.
His stomach clenched painfully and he bent over, grimacing. He pushed open the trash can and vomited.
̶"̶S̶o̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶?̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶l̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶t̶i̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶"̶
He was so hungry.
He'd been ignoring Kaneki's calls.
"She meets Kaneki twice," he answered.
̶"̶I̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶.̶"̶
He glanced at the bathroom door. He'd dropped a cleaning pod in the toilet and sprayed disinfectant, but only time would tell if it'd be enough.
̶"̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶i̶m̶e̶.̶"̶ Nagachika waggled his fingers at him. ̶"̶O̶r̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶R̶o̶o̶t̶ ̶A̶.̶"̶
He'd stood in the mirror for a long time looking at the scars over his left lung, his kidneys, spleen, and intestines. He couldn't see all the scars down his back, even twisting to look in the mirror.
Nagachika had seen him bend over the sink and drop his head in his hands.
̶"̶A̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶l̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶?̶"̶
"Nah."
Pink pills? Blue pills. Blue pills?
He'd wanted to know... what it felt like.
She smelled like a pink pill.
He knew now he wouldn't be able to starve—
Who cracked open the pink pills and emptied them in his nose?
—long enough to die.
Why did people smell... so good?
Blue pills for his smell and taste. Suppressants? When did Dr. Kano start to wean him off them?
He took them every day. Four hours. Twelve hours. He wanted to eat every day. Wanted to fill his mouth with pink pills until he was full enough to sleep.
Why was he in a sea of pink pills? Where did the people go?
He wanted to crush them in his mouth and taste something that didn't make him sick.
Where was he? Walking? Standing?
Outside.
In the street? On the sidewalk?
Open his mouth and feel the pills explode between his teeth—
̶"̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶,̶"̶ someone shouted. ̶"̶G̶e̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶l̶f̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶!̶"̶
His voice? Wait, no, not his, but whose name was that?
What name had he said? He'd already forgotten.
Hide froze. He heard conversations around him suddenly, the sound of feet moving, hands adjusting coats or digging in pockets and—
It was dark. No, no, his hand was covering his eyes.
Something told him not to move his hand away from his left eye. He opened his fingers to look through his right and saw that he was standing over a woman.
She had frozen in the middle of turning around, staring at him with shocked eyes. Ice cream dribbled down a cone and dripped from her hands.
Hide could feel the chill on his face. He realized two things.
His mouth was open, and he was dangerously close to her fingers.
Nagachika crouched behind her, dragging a hand down his face.
Hide had come up behind her, and it wasn't until she'd seen his shadow in the streetlight that she'd turned around. He could hear people walking around them on the crosswalk, trying not to get involved.
But it would only take one to turn and take a good look at her face to see they needed to intervene.
Hide took a giant bite of her ice cream.
Her mouth fell open. She stared at the teeth marks in her ice cream.
Hide swallowed and took a step back. "I'm really sorry," he said, forcing an embarrassed smile. "I usually don't do stuff like this. I just haven't eaten in a few days. I was so hungry, and your ice cream looked so good. I couldn't stop myself."
She looked everywhere but at him. "O-oh," she said. Her hand clenched tight around her handbag.
"I live in the subway," Hide went on. "There's this nice business guy who usually gives me something to eat to make me go away around here, but I haven't seen him in a long time. He wears a suit. Blue tie. A real clean-shaven guy. I think he works around here?"
She finally looked at him again. Her eyes were less afraid, but she still looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I can't help you," she said stiffly. "I don't have anything—I don't carry money with me."
Ice cream dripped onto the crosswalk.
She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and glanced around like he was physically keeping her in the conversation.
Hide took another step back. "Ah, that's okay. I wasn't asking, I just wanted to explain. I'm really sorry."
She dipped her head at him and said, "Good luck." She didn't look at him again as she hurried away.
Hide felt sick. The smell of meat was in the air around him.
He breathed out through his mouth. He focused on his stomach clenching as he walked. His steps were slow, but his mind was wandering, focusing on—
a little pink pill in a stroller. he could swallow it whole without tasting it.
He stumbled into an alley and vomited.
He wanted to hide.
"Nagachika, where do you live again?" he asked, coughing.
Nagachika said something behind him.
Why hadn't Dr. Kano left him with a bottle, a handful?
He sniffed, tasting something in the air, a faint, no strong, scent. Something stronger than the pink pills with the capsules that kept their insides from him.
His mouth watered.
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶d̶i̶o̶t̶.̶"̶
He followed the smell deeper into the alley. The medicine inside the capsule would make the haze in his head go away—
He stopped short.
"—damn him for leaving me with this mess to clean up," she griped, nudging a headless corpse with her foot.
A splatter of blood in front of her where Nishiki fell before he fled. A head with red and black eyes. The smell, the blood, still trickling from the neck of another corpse.
"Hm?" she turned around, keeping her foot on the corpse.
Should he? Could he?
He was on his knees in front of the body before he realized it, filling his cupped hands with blood and tilting his head back to drink.
It was like water after days stranded in the desert.
"Hey—"
He choked as the tip of a shoe dug deep into his stomach. Pain needled in his gut. His vision blurred. His shoulder scraped the ground as he tumbled into the wall, gagging.
"—what do you think you're doing?"
He looked up at her. Wait, Touka?
What had he been...?
His eyes caught on the corpse behind her as he tried to sit up, and he slowly looked at his hands.
He left behind red handprints.
He tasted it when he swallowed. Tangy, like spiced meat. He wanted more.
"You deaf? I asked you a question." She stepped more firmly between him and the body. "You with that bastard Nishki—?"
She stopped herself. "Wait, you're the creepy customer from the other day. The one with that bookworm and..." she trailed off, eyes widening.
̶"̶C̶r̶e̶e̶p̶y̶?̶"̶ Nagachika slumped against the wall. ̶"̶G̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶h̶a̶r̶s̶h̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶.̶"̶
More.
He dragged his tongue across his palm.
he'd been drinking blood like it was a water fountain. it was all over his face—
"If you were a ghoul—? Why would she—?"
His body wanted more.
He swallowed and pushed himself up. If Nagachika hadn't shouted at him, or if he knew how to use his kagune, he'd have killed someone already.
Touka tensed as his feet dragged closer to her, watching in surprise as he went right by her and dropped down in front of the dead human. But under his hood, she saw—
"You only have one eye."
The bleeding had stopped. He grabbed the right arm and pulled the upper part close to his face as he leaned down. He felt cold flesh in his mouth and the aftertaste of salt on the skin. He knew it would taste like salted meat.
He couldn't bite down.
"Your scent has completely changed from before," Touka said incredulously. "You were human."
He'd go mad. He had exposed himself to the smell of people on purpose and still lost it.
in this world, the strong survive.
He bit down hard and jerked his head back, ripping a meaty chunk off the upper arm off.
Touka felt unsure as she watched him rip into the flesh, barely swallowing between bites. "Weren't you?"
so good. he couldn't fill his mouth with it fast enough. he wanted to eat the whole thing.
He kept having to stop to wipe water out of his eyes.
"Isn't this kind of thing supposed to be taboo for humans? And why do you—"
̶"̶D̶u̶d̶e̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶m̶.̶"̶
"—smell kind of like Rize?"
He stopped in the middle of licking the bones. He looked down at the mess of blood and skin on the ground in front of him and couldn't hold onto the hand.
It cracked against the pavement as he stood.
"I couldn't tell you," he answered.
Touka's eyebrows shot up. "You made a mess. You're—what are you?"
He went over to the body of the dead ghoul. He crouched and lifted the arm to his mouth. The skin was hard under his teeth like overcooked, unflavored meat.
Tough and grisly. Chewing it was like trying to eat wood bark.
"What...?" she stared at him. "What are you doing?"
He didn't like it at all. He took another bite.
"That's a ghoul."
He tore apart more of the bicep and didn't feel sick, but not any more full.
Touka was next to him in an instant, eyes black and red as she drove her fist into his cheek. "I asked you what the hell you think you're doing, asshole!"
His hands flew up too late and by then he was already on the ground, dizzy from his head bouncing off the pavement. He spit gravel.
Touka had his sweatshirt in her fist before he could do more than grimace. She yanked him up and forced him to meet her blazing eyes. "If I were you, I'd think carefully about what you say next."
He could still smell the body behind her, but not as strongly as before, like smelling a barbecue but having the self-control not to leap onto the grill.
It was messed up how relieved it made him.
He spit again, this time to rid his mouth of the taste of ghoul. "What did it look like I was doing?"
Her eyes widened.
̶"̶I̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, hands covering his face. ̶"̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶.̶"̶
Red wisps floated in the air behind her shoulders. "You want to act neither like a human, or a ghoul, huh? Then die like the nothing you are—"
"That's enough, Touka."
Her head jerked up and the wisps vanished. "Mr. Yoshimura, I— what are you doing here, sir?"
He followed her gaze. Yoshimura stood at the other end of the alley, Nishki's blood stains between them. His eyes were open slightly, and he didn't smile kindly at him.
"Touka, what happened to that errand I sent you on?"
"Oh!" she dropped him. "I, uh, got distracted. I'm so sorry." She walked around him like he wasn't there. "You didn't have to come looking for me. I can handle myself."
"You can never be too careful," Yoshimura didn't look at her as he said it.
"But—the café—it has to have closed by now—?"
"I've already paid Koma for the overtime. It wasn't like you to not come back on time. If not me, it would've been Yomo. I think we can agree on how much you'd have wanted to avoid that since you can barely stand lectures from me."
"Sir," embarrassment colored her voice.
̶"̶H̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶i̶m̶a̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika whispered, a hand in front of his mouth like he was telling a secret.
Hide crossed his legs, smiled, and waved. "I'm Hideyoshi Nagachika. Nice to meet you."
̶"̶I̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶u̶l̶l̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶ ̶l̶a̶m̶e̶.̶"̶
Touka looked sharply at him. "He's nobody, sir. Just some ghoul too stupid to live for long." She walked past Yoshimura, but he didn't follow.
"Sir?"
Yoshimura kept looking at him. "You should come back with us."
"What—? Him? Sir, didn't you see how he—"
"Do you remember Anteiku's policy, Touka?"
She fell silent.
"Ghouls help one another. No matter who he is, I would be betraying not only Anteiku, but also myself if I didn't extend an offer to him."
Hide scratched his cheek. "Anteiku? Does this mean that everyone at Anteiku are ghouls?"
Touka tch'ed.
"The staff, yes. The customers? Only some of them, some of the time. Are you coming, Hideyoshi?"
He had no choice. Who else would teach him to fight like a ghoul?
His stomach twinged painfully as he got to his feet. "Sure. Call me Hide."