He covered his eyes as soon as he opened them, head pounding.
His stomach felt like water, if that water boiled and burned at his insides.
He felt like he was baking on the outside too. Should he throw up again, or had he waited too long and had to ride it out?
He sat up, holding his stomach, a blanket and a wet rag falling into his lap. He paused, feeling the cold spot on his forehead. Wait, who...?
Nagachika sat at the end of the bed, facing away from him, and he stared at the bookcase Nagachika didn't have in his room as he stood. Suzuya, Shinohara, it felt like a dream.
̶"̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶'̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶r̶o̶o̶m̶.̶"̶
Nagachika still wouldn't look at him.
Hide took a step and dropped to one knee, clenching his teeth and squeezing his stomach.
what could he say to someone he'd been blowing off?
He stood slowly as the pain became bearable, moving even more slowly to the door.
why come here?
Hide stumbled out into the hall. He'd made a deal, hadn't he?
Kaneki stood in front of him when he looked up, holding an open book at his side, staring at him with wide eyes. Except for his socks, he was wearing the same jacket and pants as before.
The author, Osamu Dazai, and the title, No Longer Human.
Hide made himself grin as he said, "What's up, Kaneki?"
Kaneki stared at him for another second, then looked away and said, "You look awful."
"First thing you say to me—" his legs buckled and Kaneki rushed forward to catch him.
"Hide, I-I don't know how to-to help you, but I made some-some tea. It's supposed to help with colds. I didn't know when you'd wake up, so I kept making it fresh—"
"I'm okay," Hide said over him. "Really. I just need to—" he gestured at the wall and Kaneki helped him sit against it.
"Wait there, I'll be right back—"
Hide snagged his pant leg before he could leave to get the tea or whatever and patted the ground next to him.
Kaneki stopped. He came down, slid the book away from him, and pulled his legs up to his chest. "Did you see my texts?"
Hide tilted his head back. His stomach made an unpleasant sound. "Yeah."
Kaneki pulled his legs in tighter. "My calls?"
"Yep."
He looked away. "You threw away the food I brought you."
Hide blinked. "You went through my trash? Dude, you're such a creep."
Kaneki didn't respond. They sat in silence until he asked, "Where have you been?"
"Around. Went through two or three mid-life crises. No big deal."
"I went to visit you at the hospital, but you didn't tell me they sent you home," he said, tightening his hold around his legs. "I haven't heard from you since, and then you just show up, feverish and sick. You threw up on Mr. Goda's spider plants."
Hide didn't know who that was, but still said, "We can just dunk them in a pond and they'll be good as new."
Kaneki only looked at him.
He shifted to lie on the floor before he really did throw up and folded his hands behind his head. "Remember those meds Dr. Kano put me on? I've been having a bad reaction to them. That pretty nurse with him—what was her name?"
Kaneki didn't answer but Hide kept talking.
"Well, she told me side effects could happen, you know? But I still wasn't prepared. You had enough on your plate running around for me while I was stuck in bed. You should consider yourself lucky that you missed me puking everywhere a week ago. Couldn't even hold water down. It was gross, man. My bathroom is ruined permanently. I can never invite any girls over—"
"Are you a ghoul?" Kaneki quietly asked.
The question threw him off so much that it took him a beat too late to answer with, "What? No. What? You weren't listening to me, were you?"
Kaneki lowered his eyes.
"Is this about the accident again? Because it's in the past—"
"I'm done being ignorant," Kaneki said with an intensity that left him blinking. "Ghouls—they're everywhere. Our classmates talk about them, the news reports on them all the time, and there's a message board on campus with pictures of dangerous ghouls. The way they look and act—it's no different from humans. Things that were always there, but nothing I noticed until after Rize."
"I'm too nauseous for this conversation, bookworm."
"You-You tried to cut out your organs in the hospital," Kaneki said, looking uneasily at him. "And I only figured out why when I saw that message board. Your organs came from her, didn't they?"
Hide pretended not to see Nagachika's sneakers in the corner of his vision.
"Your wounds were really serious, but you don't have bandages, cream, or anything at your place to take care of them properly. You threw away the burger from Big Girl because ghouls-they can't eat—"
Hide had his hand over Kaneki's mouth in an instant, his stomach lurching violently as he leaned in his face. "Leave those thoughts where they are."
Kaneki was looking at him in shock, hands automatically flying up to pull at his fingers.
"I'm telling you to move on. If we're best friends, you'd do what I say, leave it alone, and live your life. Humans don't make it long in that world. I'll return your texts, but—"
Kaneki ripped his hand down. "I won't," he shouted. His shoulders hunched, but he still got right back in his face. "It might put me in danger, and it might be selfish, but I'm not letting you leave me behind. Every day since the accident I've been terrified, not knowing who around me is a human or a ghoul. I could've been killed at any time, and you wouldn't have been there. So, I-I don't care if you're a human or a ghoul. I'm not losing you. I can't."
Hide leaned back on his heels and watched Kaneki wipe at his eyes with his sleeve, cursing at himself.
"I'll never accept that," Kaneki said, ducking his head.
Hide stayed quiet. He scratched his cheek and eventually said, "What if I told you that the guy you want to throw away your life for isn't here anymore? You said it yourself in the hospital. I didn't act like the guy you knew."
Kaneki sniffed and said, "The Ken you knew would let you go. He wouldn't have argued with you because he-he was a coward."
"It's not the same."
Kaneki got up and left.
Hide watched him for a second, then laid back on the floor. He listened to him rattle around for a while in what was probably his kitchen. He heard something being poured, and then Kaneki came back, holding two steaming cups.
The worst kind of nausea, Hide decided, was the kind where it felt like you felt like you wanted to puke but nothing would come up.
Kaneki put a cup next to his head and sat back down. He smiled softly and said, "When I try to imagine a long life, I can't do it. When I try to imagine a life without you in it, I can't do that either. I've only ever been able to take things day-by-day."
Hide realized right then why his subconscious, or Nagachika's, brought him here.
"We're both selfish," he said, dropping his arm over his eyes.
Ever since Kaneki had been discharged, even with Nagachika, he'd been lonely.
"Let me protect you, you idiot," Hide said through his teeth.
"Don't let it get cold. I ran out of tea bags," Kaneki said.
Hide didn't have it in him to tell him that not being able to eat meant drinking too. He pushed himself up on his elbows, grabbed the cup, and chugged the tea. The way it scalded his tongue and throat on the way down mostly covered how terrible it was.
Kaneki stared at him as he put the cup down and collapsed back.
At least until however long it took for him to stop being sick, he'd have plenty of time to teach Kaneki about ghouls.
"I didn't lie about how bad my apartment smelled," Hide told him, then turned on his side and vomited.
Hide shook a handful of white pills out in his palm, counted around ten, and held the bottle up at eye-level.
The instructions on the antacids told him to take them 'as needed', which only meant he had to make it look like he'd been using them. The dent in pills was noticeable enough that he dumped the handful he'd taken out in a paper bag already filled with half-crushed green pills.
He twisted the cap back on and left the bottle on top of a folded letter.
It was the politest notice of employment termination he'd ever gotten. Turns out Nagachika had done part-time work with the administrative department of the 20th Ward Police.
According to them, it was an 'internship'. They'd talked about his promising future, his hard work ethic, and made him wonder how much about the accident the CCG had made public.
And, more importantly, whether it would affect his application for disability, or a relief program, or some other assistance he had yet to look into.
He'd have to remember to rip up the letter later. Looking at it reminded him that Nagachika had things like rent and utilities.
Hide discreetly glanced at Nagachika, who stood with his hands behind his head, looking out the kitchen window. Nagachika hadn't spoken to him since the day he left Kaneki's place.
But in a way, he'd been ignoring Nagachika too.
"You're a bastard," he said.
Nagachika turned his head to signal he was listening, but still wouldn't look at him.
"You lied. You never could take back your body, could you?"
Nagachika left him in silence for a few seconds before he said, ̶"̶'̶C̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶i̶e̶d̶.̶ ̶H̶o̶w̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶?̶"̶
"Why?" Hide asked, a hysterical laugh building in his throat. "What's stopping you?"
̶"̶W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶?̶ ̶N̶o̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶i̶n̶'̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶"̶
"There was one thing you didn't want me to do, and I did it."
Nagachika tapped the tip of his shoe against the floor. ̶"̶F̶i̶n̶e̶,̶"̶ he said, finally turning his head. He grinned and said, ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶o̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶f̶u̶n̶n̶y̶,̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶?̶ ̶I̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶.̶"̶
A stronger... will to live?
Hide laughed so hard that, later, his landlord would pay him a visit to reprimand him about the noise.
Hide watched Yoshimura bite into half of a ham sandwich, making all the right chewing noises, and made a show of swallowing it, maintaining his kindly old man smile the whole time.
"Now you try," Yoshimura said.
Hide glanced uneasily at the plate of halves on the table. He looked away and said, "Ah, I just remembered that I'm allergic to bread, Mr. Yoshimura. I would if I could, really, but I'll break out in hives..."
...if he didn't act like this...
"It doesn't seem like your style, but have you tried to eat human food since you turned ghoul?" Touka asked, leaning back against the counter, arms crossed.
"Touka," Yoshimura said sternly.
...they might not say it, but they'd wonder...
"Sorry, sir," she said unapologetically.
...who taught him how to live as a ghoul?
"I did. That's how I know it won't taste..." he trailed off, scratching his cheek. "...great." He held his hands behind his head and sighed as he said, "I don't think I'll ever get the hang of it like you ghouls do."
"Us ghouls?" Touka repeated.
"Ah, I meant—"
"The secret is to drink it rather than eat it," Yoshimura spoke. "Bite off a piece, then swallow it right away. Chew around ten times, add in a few noises, and it'll appear realistic. Try it, and I'll give you a few pointers."
Hide looked uneasily at the halves, then shrugged and picked one up. He stared at the lettuce for a second, then held his nose and dramatically took a bite.
The bread tasted like it'd been left on a dirty floor for a week. The rancid smell of the ham filled his nose as he made a show of chewing, letting it linger on his tongue to make himself gag.
Normally, this was the self-taught part where he'd take his instincts and the screams of his senses and kick them unconscious until the food was mush in his mouth and he finally swallowed. He didn't need to count chews or make sure no one else was counting them when he really did eat it.
He didn't fight his senses this time and collapsed to his hands and knees as he violently coughed out pieces of sandwich. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and let his forehead hit the wood.
"I can't... I'm gonna die..."
"The first thing you'll need to learn is to not gag when you eat. Not only does it alert humans to us, but they find it terribly rude," Yoshimura said, and sounded warmer than before.
"Couldn't help it," Hide groaned, slowly sitting up. "I feel like I'll need to buy a toothbrush just for my tongue."
"With practice, you'll eventually look back at these days with surprise at how hard it seemed," Yoshimura assured him. The old man went to a cabinet in the corner and pulled down a wrapped package. "Before I forget, I have this to give to you, Mr. Nagachika. You forgot it here the other night."
Yoshimura came closer and held it out to him, still smiling.
It felt like a test to see what kind of ghoul he was. Kaneki hadn't taken the package, even when the old man insisted. He'd passed whatever test the old man was looking for in him.
They didn't know why he'd left it, whether because of a moral code or just accidentally.
Hide didn't hesitate to reach out and snag the cold package. "Thanks."
Yoshimura stepped back, folding his hands behind his back. His expression didn't change, but Touka crossed her arms a little tighter.
"Remember what I said. Our doors are always open."
"Yeah, I know. I don't really know how to ask, but I was thinking that, well, maybe I should work here," Hide said, hesitantly looking at them. "Not that you have to give me a job, but I don't really know anything about being a ghoul and getting a degree is pretty expensive—"
"I was waiting for you to ask," Yoshimura said, warm again.
"You were?"
"I thought it best you didn't feel pressured into joining us, but I would like for you to stay. You're the only person with a foot in both worlds. Ghouls like ourselves can learn a lot from humankind, but, in turn, I think there's a thing or two humans can learn from us as well. If you find something of value from what you're taught here, I'll be satisfied."
Yoshimura smiled at him again.
"We can start by having you learn to brew a proper cup of coffee. And besides, you'll need to work off what you owe us for the bathroom cabinet."
Hide poured water into the strainer in the shape of a circle—
"Slow down. What, do the beans owe you money?" Touka asked, in her uniform next to him. "You're pressure washing them like they do."
Hide paused, then poured in a slower circle. "Touka, has anyone ever told you that you're a terrible teacher?"
"I-I'm not!" she sputtered immediately, shoving her hands on the counter. "I showed you exactly how you should be pouring. It's not my fault you're awful at it!"
Hide serenely watched coffee form in the bowl under the strainer.
"I don't know why Mr. Yoshimura made me do this," she said, throwing her hands up. "Your first cup was the worst cup of coffee I've had in my life."
"I'm convinced no one is into you, and I think I know why. If you lost the attitude—"
She punched his shoulder, and he over watered the left side because of it. "You're still a creep."
"See, if this turns out bad, it's your fault."
She leaned around him to look. "That's enough. You only need enough for one cup. It's not like we're serving this to customers."
Hide put the pot down and threw away the filter. "Just curious, but does Anteiku have a human resources department?"
"I didn't do anything for you to report me for, half-ass!"
Hide moved a cup closer so he didn't spill coffee all over the counter by accident. Again. "And if I were to, hypothetically, want to know where it is...?"
"Use a coaster. Are you an animal?"
Hide placed the cup on a coaster and carefully poured coffee into it. "Why's coffee the only thing ghouls can drink? Do you know?"
"No, and I'm not interested in finding out. Take the coffee to the table over there. Pretend that a customer is sitting on the couch and the coaster is a plate. We'll taste test there."
"Okay, sure." Hide slid the coaster off the counter and held it around the edges as he turned—
"No, put it down," Touka sighed, and he did.
She picked it up by the corner with three fingers, her other hand on her hip. "Pick it up like this, and don't hunch like you're afraid you'll drop it." She put it back down.
"You're a real slave-driver, Touka," he said, but picked it up, the liquid within wobbling, but not spilling over.
Touka made a face at him, but didn't stop him as he turned around—
—and barely jerked the coaster up in time as a giggling girl bumped into him as she ran into the room.
Coffee splashed over his fingers and caught the side of her dress as she stumbled back. She stared up at him with wide eyes, and he blinked down at her from beneath the coaster.
"Sorry," she squeaked, dancing behind Touka. She covered her mouth with both hands as coffee dripped onto the floor between them.
"Don't just stand there, half-ass!" Touka chastised, rushing to grab napkins.
He'd forgotten her, but if Hinami was here, then her parents were—?
Hide raised his eyes to the woman standing in the doorway as Touka cursed at him and scrubbed the floor. Her smile was soft and apologetic. "I'm sorry, we were just playing a game," she told him. "I told you to pay attention and watch what was ahead of you. Did you apologize?"
Hinami, bending down to help Touka, pulled the collar of her dress up to try and hide her face.
Hide barely caught her meek nod.
"It's really no big deal, Mrs. Ryoko," Touka said. "He'll need this kind of training for when we get busy, anyway."
"You spoil her," Ryoko told her, glancing at him. "You're the new employee, right? We're the Fueguchi's. We're regulars here."
"You don't have to introduce yourself, Mrs. Ryoko. I don't think he'll last long."
Hide finally remembered to put the cup down. He heard her, but it didn't register as he stared at the dark red, burned skin of his fingers. It wasn't as bad as it would've been if he'd been human.
"I, uh, I'm Hide," he said, forcing himself to look up. "It's nice to meet you both."
"It might take some time, but I'm sure Touka will warm up to you like she did us."
"Mrs-Mrs. Ryoko!"
He barely heard her. He looked at Hinami, who scrubbed furiously at the stain on her dress.
ah, she liked books, right?
"You saw the manager already?" Touka was asking, gesturing Hinami back as she sprayed the floor.
He'd see what he could steal from Kaneki's bookshelf, as an apology.
"That was rude of you," Touka said later, once the Fueguchi's had left, "You space out like that often?"
Hide poured coffee into a fresh cup as she watched and said, "They freaked me out. I thought, well, aren't ghouls supposed to have super senses? I couldn't smell them at all. I thought they were human."
Touka stared at him. It wasn't the true answer to her question, but it was the truth.
He really couldn't.
"Huh. Seems about right that you'd have awful luck," she said. "Not all ghouls are on the same level, but yeah, you can say that our senses are better than humans. My hearing's alright, but I've met better. Same with my nose."
"Sounds about right for someone who takes their job too seriously—"
"Put that down," Touka interrupted him.
He paused, but slid the bowl back into the strainer and turned to Touka—
She grabbed the collar of his uniform and shoved him into the door behind him, glaring at him.
"Hey, woah," he said, holding up his hands. "Whatever you think I did, I didn't do it!"
"What's your game? Why are you here?"
He blinked, scratching his cheek. "Here, as in the 20th ward? Or maybe the planet...?"
"This is exactly what's wrong!" she hissed. "You should be pissing yourself right about now. You feel like nothing!"
She raised him off the ground and the frame of the door dug into his back.
"You should've been scared out of your mind the night we met. I was more freaked out by you being a ghoul than you were! The old man has his rules, but I've got my gut, and it's telling me that you're dangerous to keep around. You, a half-ass who couldn't stop me if he tried!" she spat.
His feet weren't touching the ground and she thought he was dangerous?
He thought of Suzuya, of the cannibalism.
Yeah, maybe.
"So, I'll ask again, why are you really at Anteiku?"
That night, he'd thought Touka wouldn't kill him because she hadn't killed Kaneki. He'd looked for her because she was his in to Anteiku and Mr. Yoshimura. How could he explain that there was a Ken Kaneki shaped hole in the story, and he was starting to realize that no amount of forcing himself into that gap would change that he wasn't kind enough to fill it?
Being Nagachika was exhausting, but it was why he got away with so much of what he'd done.
How could he tell her that when they met he'd been thinking of her from what he'd already read about her, over who she was then?
"Seriously, Touka, don't you think this is a little much? I already told you and Mr. Yoshimura that I need the money. My savings have been taking hit after hit lately—"
She threw him down like he was a jacket and he hit the floor shoulder-first, choking on a gasp.
Nagachika's orange sneakers stepped into his vision as he tried to sit up. ̶"̶M̶a̶n̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶r̶i̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶a̶t̶h̶e̶t̶i̶c̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶k̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶-̶n̶o̶t̶-̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶-̶t̶o̶-̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶u̶l̶e̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶.̶"̶
Touka's heel slammed down on his stomach and kept him pinned. She leaned down to stare at him with black and red eyes. "Last chance, half ass."
He grabbed at her ankle, coughing hard as she pressed on his chest, but her expression didn't change.
"I want to-to be stronger," he managed to say.
"Go on."
Nagachika sat next to him and heavily sighed. His backpack was gone. ̶"̶M̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶l̶k̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶v̶e̶s̶t̶i̶g̶a̶t̶o̶r̶s̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶s̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶.̶"̶
"Mr. Yoshimura he-he gave me that chance," he said, and she let up so he could breathe. "No one else would teach me how to fight like a ghoul, or they'd kill me. And I knew, even before I turned ghoul, that the weak ones don't last long. My parents were CCG."
Her eyes widened.
"Ghouls feed on each other to become stronger. The strongest ghouls, the ones no one can mess with, not even the CCG, became that way because of how many ghouls they ate. If that's what I need to do to become strong—"
"Shut up!" Touka shouted, looking at him furiously. "If you think strength means turning kakuja, you're an idiot. If that's what you think being a ghoul means, you're an even bigger one!"
"Kakuja?" he asked as innocently as possible.
Touka clenched her fists. "Ask the manager," she said, stepping off him. She turned to leave but stopped at the door. "Even after that, your eyes didn't change. You didn't feel like your life was in danger, not once. You're lucky I can't stand to look at you right now."
She opened the door and stormed out.
Hide tilted his head back against the wood. "I can see why he wore an eyepatch."
He closed his eyes for a second, listening to Touka go downstairs, before he got up and closed the door. It felt like she'd sprained his chest. "What happened to your backpack?"
Nagachika was standing as he went back to laying on the floor.
"If anyone has any right to ignore anyone, it's me. At least I had good intentions."
̶"̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶ ̶b̶i̶g̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika finally answered. ̶"̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶d̶o̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶l̶f̶.̶"̶
Hide closed his eyes again. "Let them."