Touka came and stood next to him as he poured a pot of freshly made coffee into a cup.
"I'm pouring, I'm pouring," he said.
The cafe was only half-full, but he was slow. He could admit that much.
"Not that," she said in a low voice, making herself look busy wiping the spotless counter. "Look, the manager wanted me to warn you to keep your eyes open for anything."
He filled the cup to the top, but not the brim, and slotted the pot back under the strainer. "Like what?"
"Doves. You know who I'm talking about, right?" she asked, but didn't wait for him to answer before she spoke again, "And anyone who asks too many questions, or seems way too interested in you. Rize, she wasn't popular around here, you know? Her enemies would love to get their hands on someone who stinks of her. It probably wouldn't be any of our regulars, but you never know."
He added two small cubes of sugar and mixed it with a stirring stick. "Is there a way for you—for us to change our scent?" he asked, glancing at her.
He already knew the answer.
It was always cannibalism.
"Nope," she said instantly. "Just, if anything like that happens, do what you can to keep them calm and disengage. Come find me or the manager, but don't be obvious about it. You're not worth it, but I won't let anyone start anything here."
"Thanks, Touka," he said dryly.
"You can handle that much, can't you?"
Hide sagged. "Do I have a choice?"
"Good," Touka said, scooping up his finished order. She turned around, stopped, and quickly added, "And do something about your bookworm friend. He's been sitting around waiting for you to come down for the last two hours. I only haven't kicked him out because he keeps ordering coffee."
Hide didn't turn around to look but couldn't hide his pause. "You sure he was looking for me and not trying to find a date?" he asked, giving her a small, teasing smile. "He likes the quiet here. I don't really get it but—"
"If he finds out, no, if I even think he knows, he's dead," she said, her eyes dark and intense, "Like I said, I won't let anyone start anything here."
He watched her switch instantly to Customer Service mode as she took his order to a table in front of a window and apologized to his first customer, an older woman, for the wait.
Hide kept smiling, but his eyes roved over the customers and landed on Kaneki, sitting in corner near the door. He didn't notice Hide's stare, but his study book, Japanese Literature in the Heian Period, was held up just enough to look like he was using it to hide his face.
He could've discreetly texted Kaneki to leave, but he had a feeling he wouldn't.
Hide made another cup of coffee. He dropped one sugar cube in it to be safe, put the cup on top of a plate, and picked it up in a way that Touka had judged as being, decent enough.
You're not the worst server we've had.
Kaneki saw him coming, peeking over the top of his book at him, and then ducking down when they locked eyes.
Hide put the plate down carefully away from the textbooks and waited patiently for Kaneki to give up on hiding and finally glance at him before he slammed his hands down on the table.
Coffee sloshed over the rim and onto the plate.
"What kind of friend gets me in trouble on my first day?" he asked loudly.
"H-Hide, they're all staring—"
"You can't use me to get free stuff all the time," he said over him, just as exasperated as he was loud. "If I get fired, it'll be your fault again. Remember the Big Girl incident? Do you even feel bad for making it impossible for me to keep a job, Ka-ne-ki?"
"I paid!" Kaneki spluttered, "Incident? Me? You're the one who always..." he trailed off, catching his stare, realizing that he causing a scene for a reason, even if he didn't know what it was.
Kaneki looked everywhere but at him. "You flirt with all the women there every time we go," he finished, bringing the book up to hide his face again so obviously Hide almost admired it. "Any incident would've been you embarrassing yourself."
That did sound like Nagachika.
Hide didn't turn around, but he'd seen, and ignored, Nagachika sitting at an empty table and staring out the window.
"Ka-ne-ki—"
"What do you think you're doing?" Touka asked sweetly, appearing beside him, discreetly pinching his arm as she mimicked Yoshimura's kindly smile.
Like with him, it didn't reach her eyes.
"Ow, ow, ow, I need that arm to pour coffee—"
"This isn't playtime," she cut him off, just as sickly sweet. "You're working. This is work. You're not here for me to babysit you, or for you to yell at customers."
"I'm sorry for-for not stopping," Kaneki said hastily. He looked like he wished he could disappear into his book. "I just... I wanted to see how he was doing here."
Hide had heard this before in a different version of this story where Nagachika was sitting where Kaneki was, checking in on him too.
It made him feel unstable, like the fingers pinching his arm might fade away at any second, as easily as someone shutting a book.
"You should be more gentle with me, Touka, I'm still injured—" he stopped involuntarily because Touka squeezed harder and it really, really hurt.
Hide leaned on the table for support, and it was solid beneath his hands.
"Everyone gets three strikes here. This is strike one," she said, releasing him before anyone else could see. "The trash needs to be emptied, Hide. And you," she looked coldly at Kaneki. "Finish your drink and leave. You're unwelcome at Anteiku now and anytime in the future."
Kaneki looked shocked and even more embarrassed and his gaze shot to Hide, but Hide said nothing about it.
Kaneki didn't know that this was how Touka showed kindness. He was a human in a den of snakes and he'd already been bitten once. The only reason for anyone to come back to Anteiku after something like that was if he knew the den was full of snakes.
But Kaneki had come for him, not the snakes sizing him up. Which made him just clueless. Someone who needed a hint to stay away.
Hide should've, but hadn't told him about Anteiku. Ghoul anatomy had been a lot to cram in Kaneki's head between bouts of him puking his guts out.
He almost shuddered at the memory.
Hide only scratched his cheek and said, completely serious, "You can't ban him. How is he ever going to act on his crush on you if he can't be here?"
Kaneki turned red. "N-no I wasn't going to! Not that I don't think you're—I mean, it's not that I wouldn't—I just—Hide!"
Hide gave him a thumbs up.
"The bathrooms down here and up there need mopping too, now that I think about it," Touka said, face carefully neutral. She turned on her heel and walked away, refusing to acknowledge him again.
Hide plopped down in the chair across from Kaneki, rubbing his bruised arm. His second strike, probably.
Kaneki closed the textbook and leaned toward him. "Why did you do that?"
Hide pulled a notepad from his uniform pocket. "I can get you something before you go. Anything you want, on me. After today I'll take this more seriously, and maybe Touka will forgive you."
Kaneki peeked at Touka's back as she took another order with a smile. "Aren't you going to work?"
"I am working. I'm taking an order," Hide said, pen poised over a blank page.
Kaneki looked unhappy with him, but leaned back and gave in. "Another coffee, but without sugar and less milk."
The untouched coffee sat on the table between them
Nagachika would've known that. Or maybe not. Making Kaneki coffee wasn't something Nagachika ever had a reason to do.
Hide scribbled on the page and showed it to him. "This look right? No sugar and no milk, right?"
The notepad said,
G. Listen to Touka. Don't come back.
The G stood for ghouls, and Kaneki tensed instinctively.
"No milk? I said light milk," Kaneki said, his brain catching up to what he'd said and making his reaction look a little more natural.
Hide purposefully paused, looked at what he wrote like he didn't know how he'd written it wrong, then crumpled the page.
He stuffed it in his pocket and wrote the actual order on the next page. He showed it to Kaneki again, who nodded.
"You're still coming over to study? Tonight?" Kaneki asked, looking at him with too-wide eyes. "You have that big test tomorrow."
Hide glanced at him as someone who had made no effort to go back to college, then looked away. "I don't know," he said, shrugging dramatically. "I feel it in my bones that Touka will give me more chores so I'm stuck here as long as possible."
It was only because of Kaneki's efforts with the foreign language department that he was still enrolled.
He stood, feeling Kaneki's eyes on him the whole time as he went back to work.
Hide shook a handful of coffee beans into a strainer.
Behind him, at the other end of the low table, Kaneki sniffed the steaming cup Hide had put in front of him.
Was the coffee strainer an impulsive, irresponsible purchase? Maybe.
Was it shameless of him to beg his landlord for forgiveness and then sympathy for being late on rent because of his accident, and then spend his first paycheck like this? Absolutely.
"You have to tell me how it is, Kaneki."
"It, ah..." Kaneki trailed off. "If Anteiku is for ghouls, why do they let people who aren't in? To... eat them?"
It was Kaneki speak for I've had better coffee from vending machines. Hide added a spoonful more of coffee beans, grabbed Kaneki's automatic water heater, and watered them until it drained into a fresh cup.
"Nah, the staff at Anteiku are like the peacekeepers of the ward, but it's just like with people. People know the law, but crimes still happen," Hide explained, grabbing the steaming cup beneath the strainer with a napkin. "Plus, they can't stop humans from coming in. That's suspicious. But humans that come in looking for trouble usually find it."
He slid the cup towards Kaneki as he plopped down on the cushion opposite of him. He picked up a cup of milk on the table and drizzled some in the cup for him.
"You're done?" Kaneki asked.
Hide nodded. "You're out of clean cups."
Kaneki glanced at the five cups in front of him, one half-full, one he'd only taken a few sips out of, and the freshly made one, then at a cup full of now-cold water and a quarter-full cup of milk. "I'm going to be up all night," he sighed.
"You asked me here, remember?" Hide asked, flopping backwards, his arms a pillow behind his head. "You were all like, Hide, you have to come over and abuse my electric kettle, how can I live without you—"
"You don't have to do that anymore," Kaneki said to him, looking at his lap. "Not when we're not out. I thought you said that—that that wasn't you anymore."
Hide stopped. He laid there for a long time, just staring upside-down at his messy counter.
"I keep doing it," Kaneki spoke when he didn't, his shoulders hunched. "Saying that I've changed, that I know better, and then making the same mistakes. I shouldn't have gone to Anteiku, but I didn't think—"
He stopped abruptly, lowering his head.
"And that's it, isn't? I didn't think. Of course Anteiku is full of ghouls. Am I an idiot? I met Rize there!" he shouted at himself, shaking his head, "It's so hard trying to pretend that nothing's changed, like the world hasn't shifted under my feet. I don't know how you do it or how you can make it look so easy or..." he trailed off.
"I forced you to tell me, and all I've done is make it so you have to look out for me because of how much I don't know." Kaneki didn't wipe the tears dripping onto his pants, but his fingers bunched up the fabric. "If I'm going to make trouble for you then—then I at least want to be one thing for you while you're covering for my mistakes. That place you can come home to like—like you always were to me. You can be your real self around me."
Hide felt an odd warmth in his chest and, more than ever, like he was part of a friendship he didn't quite deserve. He sat up slowly, running a hand through his hair.
"You're wrong about me. I'm bad at all of this. Touka doesn't like me because of how bad I am at trying to pretend. I just keep doing it because I know know that if I don't, life will continue on without me. And it's only been a week since you learned about ghouls. It's my fault for not thinking that that would make you worry about me more and look for me," Hide said, his fingers tangling in his hair as he gripped his head.
Ken Kaneki, who Nagachika wanted to save at all costs. Ken Kaneki, a character from a manga that had saved the person he used to be. Ken Kaneki, the flesh and blood person in front of him.
Not the guy who was fun to hang out with and who made his loneliness go away for a while. Not someone he wanted to wrap in bubble wrap and protect.
Ken Kaneki was his friend. His friend.
Hide closed his eyes and saw a dimly lit man in a black suit bent over a desk, over the pages of Tokyo Ghoul. A black, shimmering X was where the face should've been. If he lingered on the image, something might happen in the memory to make the man turn so he could see his face, but he didn't want to.
He shook his head hard and opened his eyes, willing the scene away. It was a nightmare, he told himself, and he'd already woken up.
Kaneki was wiping his face with his sleeve.
"What if, if I stopped being who I used to be, I'd stop knowing how to talk to you?" Hide asked quietly.
"Why couldn't you figure it out? I'm not going anywhere."
Hide covered his eyes as he leaned back. "What about it being my fault?"
"I disagree," Kaneki said, still wiping his face.
Nagachika was somewhere in the apartment, but for the first time, Hide didn't look for his presence as he dropped his hand.
"Are you still covering for me at school?" Hide asked.
"I had to show the head of the festival committee my texts to you to prove that you weren't a missing person," Kaneki said, sniffling.
"I'll come back to school," Hide said. He didn't know what he'd do with a foreign language degree, and the idea of studying made him feel sick, but—
He glanced at Kaneki, and then away again. It might be good for him, make him feel more like this was his life. As long as he kept himself fed, he'd be fine.
"But—" Hide stressed before Kaneki could break his neck jerking his head up at him. "Only if we can start over. Clean slate. No expectations from the past."
Hide thrust his hand out over the table, too embarrassed to keep eye contact. "It's nice to meet you, Ken Kaneki. I'm Hideyoshi Nagachika."
He waited, awkwardly, but Kaneki didn't take his hand. He heard a soft sound, like a stifled laugh, and saw him covering his mouth with his shirt.
If Hide wasn't red before, he was now. "It was a stupid idea—"
Kaneki grabbed his hand before Hide could fully retract it and forced him to shake. "It's not," he insisted as he wiped his eyes, very much holding back a laugh.
Hide couldn't look at him.
Kaneki wouldn't let go. "It's nice to meet you, Hide," he said seriously, shaking again. "Everyone calls me Kaneki."
Hide stretched his hands above his head and yawned.
"Having to be anywhere before the sun comes up should be a crime," Hide declared.
Kaneki popped open the tab on his energy drink as he held the door open for him. "This was the only time he could schedule to see me before your English class," he said as Hide walked inside. "And, if you don't go today, you'll have too many absences and you'll be removed, excused leave or not."
Hide yawned again. That didn't sound real. They would've sent him something by now.
"And then it'll be on your record forever and you'll never get a good job," Kaneki deadpanned, staring at him over the rim of his can.
He wished he'd stayed home. He had a full basket of laundry to think about washing in the tub and a line to think about hanging on the balcony to dry them.
"Does Anteiku pay you enough to make a long-term plan for your future?" Kaneki asked, sipping judgmentally.
The answer was no.
"You think I could borrow a book next time I'm at your place? There's this kid at work, Hinami, who's into Sen Takatsuki," Hide asked, following Kaneki down an unfamiliar hallway. "I want to bond with her somehow, and all I can think of is giving her a book."
"Is there a reason you want to bond with her specifically?"
Hide laced his hand together behind his head and lied, "She's a regular. She stays upstairs sometimes while her mom goes to work. She has the same book with her every time. Monochrome Rainbow? I don't think her mom can afford to get her another one."
He'd never seen Hinami without her mother.
Kaneki was quiet for five full seconds, and then he said, "She might like Dear Kafka. How old is she?"
"Younger than twelve, older than eight," Hide guessed.
"Might be a little too heavy for her," Kaneki said, turning his head slightly. "Let me know if she likes it."
Kaneki stopped in front of a door, finished his drink, and tucked the can away in his bag.
Hide looked at the sign above the door, AO, and heard a deep sigh behind him.
As he glanced at Nagachika, who leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, Kaneki knocked on the door.
̶"̶D̶u̶d̶e̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said in disapproval, shaking his head. ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶ ̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶e̶i̶g̶n̶ ̶l̶a̶n̶g̶u̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶p̶a̶r̶t̶m̶e̶n̶t̶.̶"̶
"Come in," a voice that was both familiar and not said from inside.
Hide froze.
̶"̶H̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶a̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶e̶s̶t̶i̶v̶a̶l̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶m̶i̶t̶t̶e̶e̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶"̶
Kaneki walked into the room and Hide turned, staring through the open door at the man sitting on a rolling chair at the back of the room, one leg crossed over his knee. His windowsill was lined with coffee cans.
"I've told you a thousand times you don't need to be so formal, Ken," Nishio Nishiki said, waving Kaneki off as he started to bow. "I'm not your superior, just an upperclassman."
"I can't help it," Kaneki told him, smiling ruefully. "It feels rude not to."
Nishiki raised his gaze past Kaneki, to him, and stood. "Long time no see, Nagachika. The other members were a real thorn in my side, you know, asking about you all the time. If it wasn't for your friend, I would've thought you were dead."
Hide tucked his shock aside and stepped into the room. "Yeah, Kaneki is a real lifesaver," he said, making himself laugh. "I'd be in a lot more trouble with the school without him. It'd be giant bummer if I had to retake everything next semester because of what happened."
Kaneki half-turned to look at him, like he was acting weirdly, but Hide kept his eyes on Nishiki.
He was acting like Nagachika, wasn't he?
"You're lucky your friend is stubborn more than anything," Nishiki said, opening a cabinet next to his desk. "Ken came to me, telling me he didn't have any ins in the foreign language department, pleading for me to help him help you. I told Ken I didn't have time, and what does he do? He ambushes me in public."
"It didn't happen exactly like that," Kaneki protested weakly, embarrassed.
"The poor little underclassman begging his reputable upperclassman for help. With my reputation at stake, of course I had to say yes. The balls on this kid, I thought, but I'll admit I was impressed," Nishiki snorted at the memory, pulling out a file and flipping through it.
"I wouldn't call it an ambush," Kaneki muttered, tugging the collar of his jacket up to hide his mouth as he looked away. "I happened to see you when I finished my study session in the library, Nishiki, that's all."
"Uh-huh. What else would you call barging right into the middle of a meeting I was having with some friends to plead your case then? Other than rude," Nishiki asked, looking over his shoulder at him.
Kaneki didn't answer, looking more embarrassed.
Nagachika plopped down on the rolling chair with a sigh, leaned his arms on his knees, and stared at Hide, silently asking him what his plan was.
"Cat got your tongue, Nagachika? You're weirdly quiet for you," Nishiki said. He put the file down and pulled out another one, flipping quickly through the pages. "Ken told me you'd recovered. You must've if you're back here."
Hide looked at his back. How much did he know? What had Kaneki told him?
"I'm in shock," Hide said dramatically, turning to Kaneki. "The Kaneki I know isn't that forward, you know? It's like learning the guy you see eating meat all the time is actually a vegetarian. You just stand there for a few seconds wondering how that makes any sense."
"Your analogies don't make any sense," Kaneki said back automatically, but was giving him that look again.
Hide still didn't know why.
"Well, anyway—" Nishiki froze in place for a second. He pushed up his glasses and the reflection hid his eyes.
Hide noticed, his hands laced so tightly together behind his head that his fingers ached.
"It's like being allergic to peanuts but downing twenty peanut butter sandwiches in one go," Hide explained to Kaneki, like he didn't see Nishiki's tell. "I'm telling you, man, when you get it, it makes so much sense—"
"Oh, man," Nishiki cut him off, snapping the file closed. He turned his face away as he said, "I just remembered that I was given a folder full of study sheets and other things for you yesterday, but it was so late that I took them home and forgot them there."
Hide went silent.
"But you texted me this morning that you had all of it," Kaneki said, facing Nishiki again.
"I really thought I did, but it's a lot to keep track of. You're not the only one who needs stuff from me," Nishiki said back, pulling open the bottom cabinet and rifling through it. He stayed there, crouched, as he rubbed the back of his head. "Come to think of it, there was an evaluation sheet or something in there."
"Evaluation sheet?"
The door was behind Hide, but he still felt cornered.
"Yeah, it's not my department, so don't take my word as absolute or anything, but I'm sure I've heard of other upperclassman having to do one when they fall too far behind. It's like a check-in for the school, you know?" Nishiki asked, keeping his back to them. "I think their records were frozen until they turned it in."
Hide looked slowly at Nagachika, who crossed his fingers together to make a X. A lie.
Kaneki squeezed the strap of his bag, looking at the small pile of folders on the desk. "Are you sure you left it? I could help you check again."
Why would Nishiki, the upperclassman who'd helped him so much, suddenly lie to him?
Hide closed his eyes and thought of what he could do.
"I double checked, Ken, sorry. I know the file. It has a white tab on the side, and it's not here," Nishiki said. "But you're making me feel terrible about this, so, tell you what, since it's my fault, we can quickly run over to my place to grab it. Trust me, it's more of a hassle for me than you."
Kaneki was quiet for a few seconds, and then he said, "I can't. I wanted to meet with a group before class to go over—"
"I'll go," Hide spoke, opening his eyes.
Nishiki didn't turn around.
Hide could've said that he didn't remember being told about any evaluation sheets he'd have to do, or come up with an excuse, but neither would stop Nishiki.
Nishiki would only come after him at another place, at another time, outside of what he knew. Or not him at all, he thought, not looking at Kaneki.
Nishiki wasn't Tsukiyama, but he wouldn't put it past him to pull a Tsukiyama to lure him out.
"It's cool," Hide said at Kaneki's stare, shrugging. "I'll get the rest of the files and meet up with you later. Besides, I want to talk to Nishiki about committee stuff. I'm still on the committee, right?"
"It's not something I'm willing to discuss in front of non-committee members," Nishiki answered, pushing his glasses up again as he stood.
Hide pouted. "You're still so uptight, Nishiki."
"Last chance, Ken. Are you coming or not?" Nishiki asked.
Hide stared at Kaneki, and Kaneki stared back.
Kaneki turned fast, putting his back to Nishiki, and Hide saw his eyes widen. He knew.
"No. I—I only came to help Hide. I told them I would be there," Kaneki said, gripping his bag's strap tightly with both hands, hidden by his body.
"Okay," Nishiki said, looking at Hide. "Let's make this quick."
.
.
.
"You make a lot of new friends while you were gone, Nagachika?"
Hide looked away from a fence as they walked and blinked at Nishiki's back. It was the first thing Nishiki had said to him since they left campus, around fifteen minutes ago.
15:49, 15:50, 15:51...
Nishiki was a few steps ahead of him, slouching forward with his hands in his pockets.
15:57, 15:58. 15:59...
"Making and maintaining connections is important for us college students," Nishiki said when he didn't answer, light and conversational.
Hide, hands behind his head, looked at the fence again. "Yeah, I know. I don't know what Kaneki told you, but I haven't been out much since the accident. But I won't need any new connections when Kaneki makes it big in the literary world after he graduates and I can ride that wave—"
"And speaking of connections," Nishiki loudly interrupted him, looking at him over his shoulder with a dark glint in his eyes. "It was very faint, but while we were talking, I just barely caught the scent of someone we both seem to know on you. In case she didn't tell you, she was the one who gave me this." He tapped the bandage on his neck and smiled.
Hide stopped walking. This was about Touka, he realized.
At work, they were almost always together, and he hadn't ever given it a second thought. Touka, shoving him out of the way to remake his coffee. Touka, leaning around him to read the numbers on a measuring cup. Touka, coming to warn him.
Touka, whose scent was all over him.
Nishiki stopped, cracking his neck. "And I know that pathetic brat didn't tell you about it, because you agreed to follow me here like a dumbass. It surprised me, of course. Who would've thought you were a ghoul, Nagachika?"
Hide slowly turned his head and found himself staring past the end of the fence into a dead end. His eyes widened.
Nishiki spun towards him—
"Your girlfriend," Hide blurted out, and Nishiki stopped abruptly, facing him, leaning his arm on his knee as he relaxed his stance. "If something happened to her—"
His breath was ripped from him as Nishiki's knee folded his body in half. He hadn't seen him move.
Pain made his vision go white and when he could see again, he was lying on the floor among broken boards and tires at the end of the alley.
He heard Nishiki laughing.
"And why would I care?" Nishiki asked harshly. "A pretty girl like that is bound to become someone's meal sooner or later. What, you want me to save you a piece?"
Hide curled an arm around his stomach, coughing hard, but there was nothing in his stomach to throw up. All he'd eaten in the last week was a coffee mug sized square of meat from the old man's package.
Because he'd wanted to go to school. Because he'd been thinking about textbooks and tests and lectures instead of what, who, waited for him there.
Nishiki crouched next to him as he coughed his throat raw and water clouded his vision. "Did you really think that would work?"
Nishiki stood, dropped his foot down on his stomach and he choked on air. "It was downright shocking. You were right under my nose this whole time. But then I thought, he never realized that I'm a ghoul either, I guess we're both just too good at playing human. And it made me disgusted with myself."
Nishiki ground his foot in and Hide coughed blood onto his shoes.
It was one thought, that he was getting hungry, that made Hide feel the same, disgusted with himself.
Nishiki sighed, shaking his head. "You're way more pathetic than I thought you'd be, Nagachika," he said in mock disappointment. "And to think I thought for even a second that you came to mess with me on purpose! I should've just played it cool. But then again, I can imagine the look on her face when she sees what I've done to you."
Nishiki stepped off him, stretched his arms above his head, and then kicked him into the back wall.
Hide was limp as he fell back down, popping a tire under his back. He was barely conscious.
He thought about his kagune, but he didn't know how to bring it out.
"It's too bad that Touka stinks so much, Nagachika. Oh well," Nishiki reached down through all the boards and hauled him by the collar of his jacket like he was a dropped toy.
"Well, whatever," Nishiki said, holding him up above him. "When you see Touka again, tell her that Nishio told her to mind her own business next time, okay?"
Nishiki raised his fist and jabbed him hard in the stomach.
Hide felt drool dripping from his chin.
The next punch never came. Hide heard a thud and saw Nishiki freeze through the spots in his eyes. Nishiki's head was suddenly bowed and Hide looked down, blearily, at the textbook on the floor.
The title read, Japanese Literature in the Heian Period.
Hide's eyes widened and he was suddenly alert again.
Nishiki turned, still holding Hide up, and assessed the owner of the textbook for a second. "What an annoying little brat. Look, he has more fight in him than you do, Nagachika."
Kaneki stood on the street, panting, his hands on his knees. His bag was open on the ground in front of him.
"You're kidding, right?" Nishiki asked, dragging a hand down his face. "How many ghouls are at Kamii that I don't know about?"
Nagachika, who'd been watching with crossed arms, stumbled suddenly towards Kaneki, as if drawn to him, as if to protect him.
"Let him go," Kaneki shouted, grabbing the empty energy can from his bag. "Or I-I'll—"
Nishiki bent down and scooped the textbook up with one hand. He reared back his arm and threw it at him.
The book shot past Kaneki as Kaneki went to throw the can and exploded against the wall behind him, denting the stone and showering Kaneki with paper and a cloud of plaster.
Nagachika watched, and then ducked his head, his hands clenching into fists. ̶"̶D̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶?̶ ̶D̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶?̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶S̶c̶a̶r̶e̶c̶r̶o̶w̶?̶"̶ he shouted, angrier than Hide had ever heard him. ̶"̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶d̶i̶o̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶!̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶—̶I̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶—̶"̶
Nagachika sagged. He sat to the ground, crossed his legs, and dropped his head in his hands as he said, ̶"̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶n̶o̶r̶m̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶."
Hide tucked that away for later.
Kaneki was on his knees as the cloud cleared, his hands held protectively over his head. Hide watched him shudder and grab at his right arm. When he pulled his hand back it came away wet with blood. It looked like a small wound, and his jacket had taken the brunt of the piece of textbook that had hit him, but in seconds, his arm was covered in red.
"I really, really, hate is brats who think they—" Nishiki stopped. He sniffed once, twice, and then his whole demeanor changed. He opened his hand and Hide fell onto his knees, then bonelessly onto his side. "That's human blood."
Nishiki dropped his hands to his side, staring down at Hide, expression suddenly unreadable. "It's one thing if you want to serve yourself up to the doves, Nagachika. It's another when it's my life on the line. You see what I'm getting at?"
Kaneki pushed himself up as Nishiki put his back to Hide and took a step, and then another towards him. Kaneki started shaking, finding something in Nishiki's eyes that made his own widen, and he fell backwards.
"It's a real shame," Nishiki said as a wound seemed to open in his lower back. Mist-like blood spilled out, forming the shape of a bisected tail. Once it solidified, it was electric blue. "I didn't mind having you around, Ken."
Kaneki locked eyes with Hide. Instead of running, he scrabbled for his bag and threw at him.
Hide watched Nishiki bat the bag out of his way, watched as Kaneki deliberately stood and raised shaking fists at him.
And then a woman in a white dress crouched in front of Hide, parting her purple hair behind her ears.
Hide's pupils shrunk as she captured his attention, and it was like everything else fell away. It was only him and Rize and an endless sea of white around them.
"Having trouble?" she asked sweetly, both of her eyes black and red.
"I don't want to see you," Hide said, his voice rough and his throat sore.
Rize smiled and propped her chin on her hand. "I never liked reminders either, but you brought me here. I'm not like Nagachika, you know. He's unquestionably alive. Just... unlucky. If you became brain dead, would he come back? If the heart you share stops, could he reanimate himself?"
"Rize—"
"Or, is it that no matter what happens to that body, you'd both die? Is it that you displaced Nagachika so far outside his own body that it's only the strength of his mind that's keeping him here?"
Hide managed to get his elbows under him, and his arms shook. "Stop it."
"You can't call me dead or alive. Am I imaginary, or am I that me that's still out there? What do you think?"
"Leave me alone!" Hide shouted, ducking his head.
He felt a slender finger playfully poke his cheek. "I could only do that if your me was you. You're an empty person, filled with things that belong to other people."
Hide felt suddenly tired. "I know! I already—I know."
"Alright, fine, you don't want to play. Do you know why you called to me? It's because you thought about my kagune, you wished for it, but you never even tried to figure it out. No clenching your back muscles. No red eye. Do you know why?"
Hide didn't answer.
Rize's hair tickled the back of his neck. "You know why. You're terrified. If you let your control slip, even for a moment, you're scared that you might like it. You loved gorging on flesh. That sweet nectar of blood dripping down your mouth and clothes and slicking your hands so thoroughly the scent stayed with you for days after."
Hide felt his mouth water and squeezed his eyes shut.
Rize leaned down more, her mouth right next to his ear as she spoke. "But do you know what your reward is for that air-tight control? You're weak. You're practically human. Worse than Ken Kaneki ever was. Some doves are known for being durable, so you're not even special there. You've met the Indomitable Shinohara already."
Hide opened his eyes, and her hair was a curtain around his face. "I don't want to—"
"You will," Rize spoke over him. "Because you want my power, my strength, my regeneration. You need it all and more if you want to survive. Do you know the secret to being a powerful ghoul? It's about straddling the line between sanity and insanity, having enough control not to tumble over to one side but being loose enough to lean in whatever direction you need. You're no different. Find that line between human and ghoul, and you're golden."
Hide felt himself panting. He shook his head.
Rize's hand came under his chin and she gently turned his head. Hide was suddenly back in the alley, watching Kaneki back into the wall as Nishiki came to loom over him.
"Then you can just watch him die. You have a good seat," Rize said teasingly. "Or you can let go and let what happens happen. It's no one's choice but yours."
"Any last words, Ken? I won't forget them. I can promise you that at least," Nishiki said, his tail rising up behind him, the tip poised to strike his chest.
Nagachika was sitting in the same spot. The only difference was that his eyes were closed.
Hide watched Kaneki and Nishiki and felt a tingling heat in his left eye. He didn't want to face what he knew was coming in the future alone, and maybe that made him selfish.
It was the only thought in his head as he struggled to his feet, and Rize's hand slipped away like it was never there at all.
It hurts, was his next thought, and then he felt an explosion of pain in his lower middle back.
He stumbled forward, then broke into a wild run. A board cracked under his foot and Nishiki spun, slicing through two blood red tails with a wave of his tail. Nishiki hopped back as two more impaled the wall next to the fence, separating him and Kaneki.
Hide stumbled again from the sudden burst of white-hot pain throughout his cut tails, shoving off the wall as he fell against it. His cut tails thrashed in the air as he stared at Nishiki, bent forward with his arms hanging limply in front of him and drooling.
Nishiki clicked his tongue and said, "That's what I get for being soft—"
Hide launched at him before he could finish, and Nishiki's eyes widened when Hide was suddenly in front of him.
"Shit—" Nishiki threw up his hand at the last minute and grimaced deeply as a rinkaku tail pierced through his arm instead of his chest. Before his bikaku could touch Hide the tail slithered around his arm, tightened, and yanked him off his feet and into the air.
A second rinkaku tail wrapped around his bikaku as he tried to orient himself and threw Nishiki down hard behind him, cracking the pavement.
Nishiki gasped, and was gagging a second later as the tail in his arm ripped itself free and stabbed his stomach, curling against his back like a hook as he grasped at it with his hands. A regenerated tail went through his upper arm and pinned it to the ground as Nishiki writhed and swore.
"You don't get it," Nishiki shouted at his back, coughing blood. "You don't understand! When the doves come for you, remember that Nishio Nishiki told you so!"
But then he stopped, because when Hide turned around, his eyes were empty.
Hide gazed at him like he was a slab of meat on display, walked closer, and dropped to his knees next to him. He coughed blood onto Nishiki's chest, his stomach twisting itself into knots.
He reached out, almost without thinking, and got his hands around Nishiki's leg. Nishiki froze.
"You don't mind, do you, Nishiki?" Hide asked emptily.
"Do I—wait, you only—your eye—" Nishiki cried out, jerking harder as Hide opened his mouth and bit down on his leg, just below his knee. "You're seriously going to—"
He was eating someone who was still alive, some part of Hide registered. The part that had his eyes open wide in horror as he chewed and swallowed.
It was like he'd stripped off a piece of a tire and put it in his mouth, the disgusted, hungry part of him said.
The horrified part of him accepted this though because it was either Kaneki or Nishiki. He needed to fill his nose and mouth with ghoul blood, as awful as it was, because of the blood that had dyed Kaneki's sleeve red. He needed to eat something.
Something to disgust the part of himself that he couldn't completely control. He'd learned that night with Touka that the urge to binge eat didn't appear when the meal was terrible.
"You're going to eat me?" Nishiki asked, his eyes wide in fear. "No, no I won't let you—"
Hide spat out his jeans, lifted his leg, and took another bite. Nishiki's blood soaked into his pants at the knees, and the smell of it was rancid.
Nishiki's struggling slowed, and then stopped, and his mouth moved, trying to speak as his eyes rolled up and his head thumped backwards. His bikaku disintegrated into red mist as he passed out.
Kaneki was on his knees behind him, turned away and vomiting.
Alive, alive, alive, alive—
Hide jerked suddenly in the middle of another bite, sudden, needle-sharp pain down the front of his chest. He managed to look up, finding the figure standing on the roof and glaring down at him, one red-orange wing flaring behind her.
More crystals embedded into the front of his body and he went rolling, landing on his stomach in the road as the crystals turned into mist and he coughed up a glob of blood.
"Hide!" Kaneki yelled, despite what he'd seen, shuffling towards him.
Touka dropped into the alley, looking at Nishiki, and then back at him, shouting, "Nagachika! How many times do I need to tell you that we don't feed on our own kind?"
Kaneki hovered over him, on his hands and knees, talking to him, a makeshift bandage tied around his arm from a shred of his jacket. It was soaked red, and blood dripped from his fingers.
Hide really had been a terrible teacher to him. He could only smell Nishiki's foul blood, but he still put his fingers in his mouth, covering his tongue with it.
Touka walked towards him, her mouth turned down into a grim line. "And what did I say would happen if I found out that he knew about us?" she asked him steadily.
Hide bit down on his fingers.
"T-Touka, right? You have to listen to me when I say—" Kaneki tried.
"I knew it," Touka said loudly over him, stepping over Nishiki without taking her eyes off them. "But I didn't want to believe you'd be that stupid, half-ass."
Hide heard a few sudden, sharp cracks, and the blossom of agony down his hand had him jerking his fingers out of his mouth, realizing too late that he'd broken them, that he'd almost cannibalized himself.
"Wait—" Kaneki tried again.
Touka threw open her arms and rained crystals down on them.
Hide was in so much pain that he could barely think, but he reacted, his tails surging up in front of Kaneki only to be shred apart instantly, devolving into mist as he couldn't maintain them anymore, as he turned his head and coughed blood, his body numb and his legs pinned down by crystals.
Touka's red eyes blazed at him, keeping her arms up. "Goodnight, Nagachika."
He was so hungry...
Hide watched Kaneki stare at Touka, and then he watched Kaneki stand.
Hide put the fingers of his other hand in his mouth. "Hey, Touka," he began, half-delirious, his words slurring as his vision glazed over. "If I ever really do go insane, could you kill me?"
He didn't hear her answer, and wasn't even sure if he'd spoken, as he fainted.