Hide pushed a carton to the back of his fridge, making room for a plastic bowl filled with meat he'd spent a painstakingly long amount of time flattening to look like ground beef.
It was supposed to look like he'd started cooking and gave up halfway through, putting it off for the next day. It was the best he could do when he couldn't actually cook it without making it inedible to him. Helped that he'd never learned how to cook.
When the CCG eventually, inevitably started investigating old man Kano, they probably wouldn't wait around for his approval to search his place if they felt like they needed to.
They hadn't waited for Eto's permission when they found containers of human meat in her fridge.
Hide just didn't know when it would happen.
He was leaning an arm on the fridge door, judging the humanness of the interior, when Nagachika leaned against the counter next to him. An orange juice carton at the back, sitting between bottles of water, other juice cartons, and cans of soda, was filled with meat juices.
̶"̶G̶u̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶d̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, sighing loudly.
Hide lifted his head. "Why now?"
̶"̶D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶.̶ ̶J̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶m̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶!̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶a̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶o̶k̶e̶ ̶u̶p̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶e̶r̶i̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶?̶ ̶N̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶?̶"̶
Hide moved around him, thinking about it, picking up one of the knives he'd used to cut up the meat and wiped off the juice that stuck to it with his fingers so he could lick it off. He did it because it was still slightly cold, didn't taste fresh, and it disgusted him. It made him not hungry, the same way an anyone else wouldn't be after biting into something that tasted expired.
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶c̶e̶!̶ ̶I̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶t̶e̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶a̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶d̶e̶.̶ ̶W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶g̶u̶y̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶?̶"̶
Hide put that knife down in the sink. "I didn't see anything when I woke up," he said. He'd rather put that memory in a box, tape it up, and then leave it in the attic of his mind to collect dust but—
He opened his hand and stared down at his palm. Nagachika's palm. He was used to looking at a mirror and seeing this face reflected back at him, and often felt like he had to remind himself it hadn't always been. Maybe that was why Rize felt like she had to keep reminding him.
—but there were things he'd have to face eventually. Things like the possibility of waking up one day to find that he was the ghost.
He clenched his fist.
"I was afraid of something," Hide finally continued. "I was asking someone to—"
P̷̨̦͊̕͝l̶̡̻̿̒̽e̵̥̳̋ͅa̴̬͉̯̒͆͠ṡ̵̰e̶͇̱̦͐ ̷͕̈́d̷͕͖͊̅ͅo̴̜͐̚͝n̸̪͍̂͋͜'̷̜̭̅t̵̛͇̝̞
He dropped his hand, glancing at the knife in the sink again and wondering how long it took Juuzou to put his arsenal on every day.
̶"̶D̶u̶d̶e̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶p̶a̶c̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶"̶
Hide blinked. "Guess I was begging someone not to kill me," he said.
He needed new toothbrushes. He'd almost exhausted the supply of extras in the bathroom cabinet. He might procrastinate on his laundry, but he drew the line at bad breath.
Nagachika crossed his arms, staring at him. ̶"̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶"̶
Hide scrubbed a hand down his face. "I had a grandfather," he said.
̶"̶O̶h̶.̶ ̶O̶k̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶o̶n̶.̶"̶
"I found him when he died."
Nagachika grimaced. ̶"̶O̶f̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶d̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶.̶"̶
Everything?
...Right. He'd found him as an adult. There was all that empty space between his birth and then.
Hide lifted a shoulder. "I saw this guy once. Me, I guess. It was like I was floating behind him, watching him at his desk at home."
̶"̶A̶n̶d̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶?̶"̶
Hide thought of the scratch marks across his face, like someone had scribbled all over his head with a marker and it stuck. He remembered thinking of it like a nightmare, though he didn't know why.
"No idea," Hide said, starting on the dishes.
Nagachika looked like he had a lot of opinions about that, but eventually just looked away, scratching unsurely at his cheek. Eventually he decided not to say whatever it was and instead said, ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶?̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶t̶a̶i̶l̶s̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶i̶x̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶u̶p̶,̶ ̶s̶u̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶t̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶i̶m̶p̶o̶r̶t̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
Hide washed his dishes silently, saying nothing as he tried to scrub dried bits of meat from a plastic cutting board, because he didn't have an answer for him. He didn't know why he knew certain things and not others. The image of that guy, himself, at that desk lived behind his eyes.
His hands were busy, but he didn't feel distracted enough. Why did he want to be?
̶"̶C̶h̶a̶n̶g̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶u̶b̶j̶e̶c̶t̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶u̶h̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶?̶ ̶A̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶"̶
Hide stopped, realizing he didn't. "No," he answered, looking down, having forgotten the dripping knife in his hand.
Nagachika looked awkward. ̶"̶T̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶s̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶i̶c̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶d̶d̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶o̶x̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶t̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶a̶t̶'̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶o̶l̶.̶"̶
Hide put the knife down. He turned off the water and dried his hands. "Do I want to know what happened to me?"
Nagachika looked at him for a long time. ̶"̶N̶o̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶h̶a̶n̶d̶l̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶.̶"̶
It must've been true, because he didn't feel any desire to push for an answer. "Where'd you say the comics are?"
̶"̶I̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶t̶.̶ ̶C̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶"̶
"How many?"
̶"̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, crossing his arms again, but thoughtfully this time. ̶"̶T̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶d̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶x̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶f̶u̶l̶l̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶,̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶u̶n̶d̶r̶e̶d̶.̶
To Hide, that just meant it'd take a long while to sort through them all. He shrugged and said, "Can't promise anything, but sure, I'll look."
Hide absently watched Juuzou try to skip rocks across a puddle for a few seconds, then watched the rain.
It wasn't coming down as heavy as earlier, but he still didn't want to leave the protection of the bus stop.
Leaning against the glass wall with his hands in his pockets, Hide regarded the Investigator crouched next to him again. A rock hit the center of the puddle and sunk underneath.
"You need a phone, man," Hide broke the silence.
Juuzou picked up a small rock from the pile he'd made next to his feet and flicked it too hard at the puddle. "I have one," he said distractedly, his hair flat and dripping down the back of his shirt. Juuzou had coincidentally been caught in the rain too.
"Are you going to keep following me forever?" Hide asked him.
Juuzou tossed another rock. "Why is no one telling me to kill you?" he asked his reflection as ripples broke it apart. "I get why Mr. Shinohara doesn't see it, but why don't other people notice? It's obvious."
Hide leaned back more. Checking up on the local ghoul again, huh?
He'd actively tried not to think too much about the night of the Star Festival. He'd been so sure then that at least a little of their friendship had been real, but now, well, he didn't know. He still wanted to think it was. But if Shinohara put his name on a hitlist and told Juuzou to find him—
They'd only known each other for a few weeks. Maybe it wasn't friendship at all. Maybe it was just him, imaging Juuzou as something he didn't even understand.
Juuzou grabbed the rest of his rocks and threw the handful at the puddle. "Don't you want to know about that ghoul I took in?"
Hide watched the rain again. "Is she alive?"
"If I answer that, and tell you stuff you're not supposed to know, can I ask you a question?"
Hide knew what he was really asking. Can I ask you a question without you lying?
He could always tell by the tone when he couldn't tell by the eyes. Juuzou's voice hadn't wavered or anything, but it was in him feeling the need to ask if he could ask, instead of just asking.
Hide tilted his head back. "I don't think I've lied to you even once before."
Juuzou poked his reflection. "Mr. Shinohara told me all about what happened when you met him at the office," he said.
Hide glanced at him. He'd lied to Shinohara, and Juuzou liked Shinohara.
His eyes widened. Was that why Juuzou started following him that day?
He should've just asked that, but it stayed as a thought as he looked out again. He didn't know if it'd be better or worse if it was, because it meant that he was being tracked like prey. It made it even harder try and guess at what Juuzou's motives were.
"Yeah, sure," Hide eventually said. "We can do a question for a question."
Juuzou tilted his head like a bird. "They're still questioning her. She's a ghoul, but she's also the only witness to what that Mimic guy did."
"Mimic guy?"
"That's what they're calling that human. That's not the important part—"
"Wait, wait, I'm not a witness?"
"Why aren't you scared of me?" Juuzou asked, as casually as a kid asking why the grass was green.
That undertone he'd had for a few seconds after he mentioned Shinohara was gone and Hide... gave up trying to read him.
Hide reached up and pushed loose strands of hair out of his face. It was getting long. Longer than Nagachika would've kept it pre-CCG. "I am scared of you," he answered honestly. "I don't think that's unreasonable because I know how easily you can kill me. It's just that the other things I feel are stronger. I said it before, but you could've abandoned me the night we met. It meant a lot that you didn't and still does. Maybe that's stupid because you only did it because you were bored, but that's how I feel."
Juuzou leaned his arms on his knees. "That is stupid."
Hide lifted his shoulders in a shrug, even if Juuzou couldn't see it. "It was a bad night. One of my worst—"
"Mr. Shinohara doesn't know you were that involved. The police were already really annoying. If I told them all of it, I would've been there for days," Juuzou answered, half-venting, half answering his question.
Hide was surprised into silence.
"Why is your friend keeping a ghoul in his apartment?" Juuzou asked, poking his reflection again.
Hide rubbed his eyes. Yeah, Ken had told him about that. "Her name is Hinami," he answered. "She's had a lot of bad luck recently, but she's a good kid. It's only temporary until—"
"She's the ghoul on all those posters, right?" Juuzou interrupted him. Hide went very still. "But if I went and killed her, your friend would get in the way, and he's human. I tried to think of a way around him, but I can't. So, if you want her to stay alive, you shouldn't move her."
Hide went silent again, but for a completely different reason. Was he losing it or was Juuzou... warning him?
He realized then that he hadn't really answered Juuzou's question. Juuzou hadn't asked who she was, or what they were doing with her, but why. Hide scratched the top of his head. "I thought it would be good for her," he said.
Juuzou pulled on a stitch around his pointer finger.
"She's not like us," Hide added. "She's more like Ken. He can bond with her better than I could, and she won't be alone. It doesn't really matter that he's human."
Juuzou made a vague sound. "Like us?" he repeated curiously.
Hide blinked. Had he said us instead of me—?
His phone buzzed in his pocket.
He pulled it out, gave the screen only a brief glance, and then held it to his ear. "Hey, I was just talking about you—"
"I can't find Hinami," Ken interrupted him in a breathy panic, and Hide felt like time had stopped. His mind went blank. "I haven't started looking outside yet but she's not here and I don't know why she would—or where she would—"
Hide started moving, running, before he was even really aware of it. He stumbled when he remembered Juuzou, half-turning back to yell, "I gotta go! But I—ah—I want to be friends, Juuzou!"
He started running again, barely aware of what he'd said or what he was doing as he hung up and quickly texted Touka.
All he could think, could ask himself, was, why did this still happen?
.
.
.
Touka made it to Ken's apartment before he did.
Hide heard her as he went inside, wet and dripping on the floor mat. He saw Ken first, standing with his back against the wall, and then Touka, cornering him with her arms tightly crossed.
"—what did you do? What did you say something that could've made her—"
"N—Nothing! She seemed like she was doing fine—"
"He couldn't have stopped her," Hide interrupted them, catching his breath. "Even if he was here—"
"If he had been, she never would've done this, because she'd never hurt him to leave!" Touka yelled angrily over him. She spun towards him, and he saw her fingers digging into the arms of her jacket. "You—you know what, no, I don't even blame you. I blame myself for letting you talk me into this stupid plan. We're doing a great job showing how safe she is, aren't we?"
Touka squeezed her arms harder and, before either of them could respond, had the living room window open. Hide caught her red and black eyes as she leapt out.
The sound of light rain filled the silence.
Ken looked miserable. "I'm sorry," he said, slumping against the wall.
"It's not your fault," Hide said absently, moving more into the room. He looked around, eyes catching on the messily folded blankets (telling him Hina had done it in a hurry), then the Takatsuki books stacked just as messily next to it. He looked at the fridge. "Was she hungry?"
"No, Touka just came by with a package yesterday," Ken said quietly.
Hide barely heard him. He opened the fridge anyway.
"I thought she was—not better, but recovering. She asked me if I could get the newspaper so she could practice reading something easier than Sen Takatsuki. I didn't know she'd..." he trailed off.
Hide closed the fridge and moved on, poking his head in the bathroom. What looked like old newspapers with the pages torn and rearranged were all over the floor, with clumps of yellow-orange hair on top. "What happened here?"
"Earlier... she asked me to cut her hair," Ken said, following him. He scratched his cheek. "I was just happy that she was talking to me more, but maybe it was a sign and I didn't see it?"
Hide stopped when he saw a black and white picture through the clumps of hair. He bent down, brushing them out of the way, and then stared, wide-eyed, at the obituary of one of the Investigators Touka had killed.
It was small, only a third of the page, but it clearly stated that his death happened a week ago. Hina was a smart kid, and she'd seen Touka hurt.
It was never about her sense of smell. It was never about Mado and her parents.
It was because she'd found out what Touka had done for her.
"How many times is that now that you've gotten it all wrong?" a silky voice asked right next to his ear, and he felt slender arms slide around his neck, a weight on his back. "Haven't you heard the saying, 'nothing is more infallible than the human memory'? Guess not, or you wouldn't be here, right?"
Hide heard her soft, breathy laugh, but couldn't stop looking at that picture.
Ippei Kusaba, age 26, was a beloved colleague of the CCG—
"Hide—"
Hide batted the hand on his shoulder off, then heard the silence after, and realized what he'd done. He stood quickly. Ken was holding his hand, staring at him.
"Sorry," he said quickly, unable to look him in the eye as he scooted past him. He could still see the bruised, purple skin.
"It didn't hurt," Ken insisted after seeing his face. He was a better liar, but not quite as good as Hide.
"I know what happened. Gotta tell Touka," Hide said quickly, speed walking towards the door. "Get in touch with Anteiku if you can. Tell them what happened. We'll talk later!"
He threw the door open and ran.
.
.
.
Hide fit his mask on his face, adjusting it and the strap as quickly as he could without hurting himself, barely noticing how much it felt like it was suffocating him.
The hood of his black jacket was pulled up over his head, and he'd tied his hair back as much as he could. It was the best he could do without much time, because he hadn't touched his mask much since he'd gotten it. Later, after this was over, he'd think of a way to tape or staple it to his hood.
Hide opened his fridge and dragged out his bowl of human ground beef.
He was hungry again, and he didn't want to risk losing control. It was a constant, gnawing feeling in his stomach, but he hadn't gotten to the point where people started to smell like meat. He'd been easing himself into the next stage of that hunger, but it didn't matter anymore.
He pushed up his mask, but not quickly. It took half a minute of it scraping his face to expose his mouth. He pinched loose meat between his fingers, tilted his head back, and dropped it into his mouth.
Why did he keep thinking that, just because he had read Tokyo Ghoul four, maybe five times, that this world would be the same as that one? That nothing would change unless he actively changed it. It showed how badly he'd messed up when Rize of all people had been right.
But what kind of person listened to a hallucination? What kind of person would take her words with more than a grain of salt?
He swallowed.
Again and again and again and again.
He dropped another pinch of meat in his mouth.
He was the ghoul, not Ken Kaneki, so why was he still so obsessed with the story playing out the way it went originally?
Hide swallowed again.
Some part of him knew the answer because he could see that desk again behind his eyes, that crossed out face. He knew if he lingered on it, if he let himself think about it, he'd know. He shoved it away and licked his lips.
He washed his hands, put the bowl back, and didn't feel satisfied, but the ache was gone.
He shoved his mask back down. At least he knew the part he still needed to play.
It was dark but still raining as he left his apartment.
.
.
.
The trap Mado laid out was still at the same place, near Kasahara elementary school.
Hide didn't intercept Amon but stood in the way and waited for Amon to come to him. It took eighty-three seconds before he saw Amon and Amon saw him. Nagachika watched from above, leaning on the rail he'd jumped over.
Amon slowed to a stop a few feet away from him, eyes flitting behind him for a few seconds before resettling on him, seemingly deciding not to try and go around him. He frowned and asked, "Who are you?"
Hide didn't answer.
"What are you supposed to be? Some demented clown?" Amon asked. "Because if you think this is some kind of joke, I'm not laughing. Now move."
Hide didn't do that either.
Amon stared at him for another second, and then sighed. He rolled his neck, then came at him fast.
Hide threw his arms up, but Amon easily slipped his fist between them and grabbed his collar, holding him still just long enough to use his briefcase like a hammer into his gut.
"How do you even see out of that thing?" Amon asked, tossing him aside.
Hide could only gag as he rolled, holding his hood down as tightly as he could as he landed facedown, fighting the urge to shove his mask up because he couldn't breathe. It didn't hurt so much as it completely knocked the wind out of him.
"I tend to run into a lot of idiots pretending to be ghouls like you. Stay down until I'm gone and I'll forget this happened," Amon said curtly, only giving him another second's worth of attention before he turned away.
The night of the Star Festival, Hide had learned something important about himself.
He struggled to push himself up, wheezing.
He'd learned that his ghoul traits were activated by stress. It seemed obvious, looking back, but it hadn't been until he'd really, really thought he was going to die.
He coughed hard, on one knee, watching Amon's retreating figure.
He'd never felt like that with Touka or with Nishio. It was why his 'training' with Hina hadn't worked. But when he saw Nishio turn his attention to Ken, before Kimi had changed how he saw humans, he'd felt that same feeling of death.
He'd known, with his whole being, that Ken was about to die.
Hide pushed himself to his feet. He was starting to recognize that feeling, but it wasn't enough. A few more times, and he was sure he'd be able to pin down that rush.
He took a deep breath and shouted, "Koutarou Amon!"
Amon stopped mid-step. He whirled back towards him, his eyebrows pulling together in confusion, his face a complicated mix between disbelief and suspicion.
Hide held his arms out and kept shouting, "You're a Rank One Investigator, and you're twenty-six years old!"
Amon fully faced him, his eyes widening more. He looked disturbed. "Who are you?"
"I think you mean what," Hide corrected, almost completely drowned out by the rain.
Amon stared at him for another second, then silently clicked his briefcase open. He grabbed the handle and dropped the briefcase as the club-like quinque extended itself. "Be certain that's the answer you want to give me. If you get hit with this, there's no taking it back."
Hide only held onto the top of his hood. "You were valedictorian when you graduated—"
Despite the distance between them, Amon closed it in a second with a single leap. Hide saw the swing, the club sweeping sideways at his head, but couldn't react fast enough.
Pain exploded against the side of his temple. Hide didn't remember falling, blacking out between blinks, but he was suddenly on his back on the ground, his ears ringing. Somehow, his fingers had stayed around his hood.
Amon stared down at him, his eyes hardening as he stirred. "I tried to hold back," he said. "If you were human, you should've been knocked out in the best-case scenario. You're so inept, you really had me fooled."
Hide felt weak. Human. His head was numb. But he was a rinkaku ghoul. He could take it.
Amon drove the club down into his stomach as he tried to sit up, pinning him down as he wheezed again. It hurt worse than it did when Nishio had kicked him. His body had been soft then too, still convinced of his humanity.
Was it just learning to be a ghoul, or was he unconsciously suppressing his RC Cells? Was that even possible?
"Before I kill you, you're going to give me a few answers," Amon said, towering over him.
The only one who knew how one-eyed ghouls worked was Eto, and he didn't think she'd be very open to being asked about it.
What had that been, back at the bookstore during her signing?
"Pay attention!" Amon shouted, digging the quinque deeper into his stomach, and he couldn't breathe at all for a few seconds until he let up. "One of your kind, the Rabbit, killed a friend of mine a little over a week ago. Why do you monsters do it? He did nothing to deserve such a gruesome fate, and yet..." he trailed off.
Hide stared up at him in silence, rain pooling in and clouding his eyeholes.
"Answer me!" Amon shouted.
Hide didn't.
Amon glared down at him for a few more seconds, and then he shook his head, wiping his eyes. "It's you things that are distorting this world. One dead ghoul at a time, I'll do my part in fixing it," he told him. "But just one more question, who told you about me? Is that what this is supposed to be? A targeted hit?"
Hide tried to sit up again but couldn't.
Amon looked frustrated. "Fine. I'll settle with knowing your identity." He leaned down, keeping one hand on the handle of his quinque, and the hand approaching his face felt like it was suddenly moving in slow motion.
Hide had been waiting on Amon really trying to kill him, but revealing his identity was almost the same. It was a death sentence.
Amon got his fingers under the edge of his mask and Hide caught his wrist, squeezing until he could feel Amon's bones protesting.
Hide felt a surge of something, like all his blood was rushing to his head.
Amon's eyes were wide in alarm. He yanked his hand free and quickly raised his quinque up with both hands, planning to drive it back down through him, but Hide wasn't beneath him anymore.
Hide rolled onto his knees, a little uncoordinated, and shot up, but Amon had training and he didn't. Amon twisted, driving his foot into his side before he could make another move, but Amon was human, and he wasn't.
It hurt, but not that much, and more importantly, it didn't move him.
Hide got his arms around Amon's leg before he could lower it and pulled hard.
Amon's other leg couldn't hold him as he slid forward, but even as he fell backwards, he swung his quinque at his head.
Hide let go, jerking back to avoid the blow, and Amon fell hard. He took another step back as Amon shoved himself to his feet, breathing hard, holding his quinque in front of him like a sword.
Hide grasped at that fading feeling throughout his body, trying to hold onto it, because the only way to finish this was with his kagune.
Amon's left hand slipped off the handle for a second before he forced his fingers to curl back around it. As Hide watched, Amon shuffled closer to the wall, never breaking eye contact. And then he rammed his shoulder against it, grunting slightly, and Hide realized his shoulder had been dislocated.
Hide didn't want to bite Amon to force out his kagune and he didn't want to cut his face again struggling to get his mask up, anyway. He was still too human.
Confusion flitted across Amon's face for a brief instant as Hide continued not attacking him.
"You still haven't learned to straddle that line? What a pathetic little thing you are," Rize said in amusement, right behind him. She leaned both arms on his shoulder, leaning her head against his. "So, procrastinator, what now? Are you going to let him kick you around again and hope you don't die first?"
Amon ran at him and Hide jumped back to avoid the swing of his quinque.
Rize was waiting as he landed on his feet, looking towards Amon. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "At least you're competent enough to remember that if you get hit by that now that he's serious, you'll end up looking like the shredded meat in Nagachika's fridge. What now?"
"Stop dodging!" Amon shouted in rage.
Hide put more distance between him and that quinque.
Rize smiled, still next to him, holding her hands behind her back. "What now, procrastinator?"
He ignored her, keeping his full attention on Amon.
"What now?"
He just needed—
"What now?"
—to buy more time—
"What now?"
—for Touka and Hina to—
Hide felt a tap on his shoulder. He'd been so focused that he turned his head fast, moving to dodge an attack from behind, but it was only Rize, smiling at him.
And then there was only pain, only the feeling of a blunt object hitting his side, only the feeling of shredded skin as he was thrown, as he hit the wall hard enough that the bricks broke apart around him as he fell, trying and failing to keep in the pained sounds he was making as he clutched his side.
"There, see. That wasn't so hard, was it?" Rize asked, crouched next to him.
Blood gushed through his fingers. A rinkaku tail cut through the hallucination and dented the wall. For the fourth time in the last ten minutes, Hide tried to remember how to breathe.
He heard Amon's footsteps and saw the shadow of that damn quinque being lifted over him, but he didn't look up. Two tails caught the quinque right before it bashed his head in, sliding around it even as Hide felt the sting of cuts being opened along them, even as tail blood splattered the ground.
Amon made a sound of surprise, trying to pull his weapon back, but Hide's grip didn't waver. A third tail swiped at him, forcing Amon to let go or be impaled, and then his tails released the weapon.
Before it hit the ground, his tails cut it into pieces.
Hide lifted his head as Amon fell to his knees, holding his hip, and saw that he hadn't managed to completely dodge the stab.
He couldn't smell anything but his own breath, but he wasn't looking at Amon like a person anymore.
Meat, his mind told him.
Hide was glad he'd eaten all the meat he had left. His stomach rumbled quietly, just at the thought, but he ignored it. He stood, still feeling blood seep through his fingers.
Amon tried to stand but dropped back to his knees with a hiss.
Hide took a step, and then another, until he was standing over Amon, his tails hovering behind him, still dripping as the cuts along them closed.
Amon ground his teeth and ducked his head, admitting defeat. "I'm sorry Harima, I let Doujima be broken—" he shook his head, lowering his head more. "I'll ask for your forgiveness soon in person."
And then Amon went silent, waiting, but Hide didn't kill him. After ten full seconds, Amon looked up at Hide, who'd crouched in front of him.
"Don't forget that a ghoul, a monster like you said, is letting you live," Hide told him.
Amon looked shocked, then confused. "What?"
"I'm not going to kill you," Hide said, his blood dripping between them, the wound too deep to heal quickly. "I could. I could get away with it because you're alone. But I won't prove you right. What do you say to that, Koutarou Amon? I, the ghoul, am much more merciful than you are."
Amon's pupils shrunk. "Stop speaking nonsense!" he shouted. "You? Merciful? What a sick joke!"
"And yet, who's leaving who alive?" Hide asked, standing. "I'll see you later, Amon. Think about what I said."
"Come back here you—you coward!" Amon yelled. He tried to stand again and fell, barely getting his hand down to stop himself from collapsing completely.
"Nah," Hide said, putting his hands in his pockets as he walked away. He didn't turn as Amon kept shouting at him, more and more confused as Hide didn't take his bait. Hide turned and walked up a set of steps and Amon finally went silent.
Exhaustion dragged Hide's feet. It was like the second he walked away his body took it as permission to go back to suppressing his ghoul traits. Halfway up, when he was sure Amon couldn't see him anymore, his kagune retracted back into his lower back on its own, ignoring his will completely.
By the time he got to the top, he was holding onto the railing, his side aching so badly he had to keep stopping to breathe. Hide looked at his hands, slick with his own blood. He glanced up, nearing the top, and stopped, because there was a hooded figure in front of him with a bird-like mask.
"You handled that differently than I expected you to," Yomo said, muffled.
Hide opened his mouth to respond and fell to his knees, clutching his side again.
"I think I understand Mr. Yoshimura's reasoning now," he continued. "Sometimes the world needs a wildcard to shake things up. I'm curious to see what you'll do to accomplish that."
"Tired..."
"I know. I'll give you some food when you wake up. Don't worry, Hide, I'll take care of the rest."
Hide stared up at him, and then his eyes rolled up and he collapsed.
Hide woke up aching all over.
He almost didn't want to wake up, but his body wouldn't let him go back to sleep. He eventually gave up and sat up, scrubbing his palms against his eyes, hissing at the burn coming from his side.
He remembered, well, everything.
He dropped his hands, knowing where he was before he saw the couch, or the blanket around his legs, or the small package in his lap the size of a hotdog—
He did a double take. He picked up the package, unwrapped it, and the scent of old, cold meat made his stomach turn. He took a bite anyway.
"Um, Hide?"
Hide paused, looking to the side, and saw Hina on the other couch, fidgeting, a book in her lap. Her hair was cut extremely short and it made her look like a boy. Someone—Touka, probably—must've gotten better hair dye because the color was closer to his.
He swallowed, waving at her with his meat package. "Glad you're okay."
She wouldn't look him in the eye, still wearing Ayato's old clothes. "I'm sorry that I ran away. If I didn't you wouldn't have gotten hurt and—" she sniffed, lowering her head. "I just wanted to say sorry."
Hide laid back, folding the packaging back over the meat and resting it on his chest. "You didn't do anything to be sorry for."
"But—"
"It was my choice to face that Investigator, same as it was Touka's to kill the other two in the first place," Hide said, hands behind his head. "You were involved but... do you blame Mr. Yoshimura for what happened?"
"What?" she asked, her head jerking up. "Why would—"
"I mean, if he hadn't extended his hand in the first place and made Anteiku such a welcoming place, none of this would've happened. You wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here. Touka wouldn't be here."
Hina went silent.
He tilted his head towards her. "You're the only kid here, Hina. The rest of us are adults, and we're old enough to understand the consequences of our actions. I think I'll have to be offended if you start treating me like a kid."
"But—"
"You were sad, and mad, and whatever else," Hide interrupted her. "So, you ran away. But any fault ends there. You were lured in by them... doing what they did to your parents. That makes everything that happened after that their fault, not yours."
Hina sniffed again, wiping her face and eyes with both hands, and then she got off the couch and ran around the table to him. She threw herself on him, grabbing at his shirt as she cried into it, and Hide tried not to let on that the pain of her sudden weight had almost knocked him unconscious.
He focused on the ceiling as his vision filled with black spots. "You've been through a lot, but you're still innocent. Probably the only innocent still here."
"No, I'm not. I—I helped kill—"
"That's not what I mean," Hide interrupted her. "You're a kid. You'll get it when you're older."
"You're treating me like I'm eight."
"Huh? Aren't you?"
"I'm twelve!"
"Eh, don't believe it."
Hina huffed. She lifted her head, looking at him with watery eyes. "Can I go back to living with Kaneki? Please?"
Hide blinked down at her.
Her eyes slid away. "I still need to say sorry to him. I know that Touka... she would've taken it out on him. And I know I broke the rules that you and her made, but he's really nice. I can see why you're friends with him, and why he's friends with you. He's human but—but he tried to help me by cooking some of the meat Touka brought. He had to throw it away when I told him I couldn't eat it, but he knew it was... that it was human, and he still..." she trailed off. "And you... you went through so much for me. I was just some kid, some ten-year-old you barely knew, but you still brought me stuff. You made me feel less alone. Even Touka wasn't there. I know now that she was out doing stuff for me, but back then I felt..."
She didn't finish, looking away.
"Touka went up there after her shifts, didn't she?" Hide asked.
"I heard her by the door, but she never came in," Hina answered quietly.
Hide looked at her, then back at the ceiling. "I think I said you were nine then."
She huffed. "So, can I...?"
Hide shrugged. "Don't know why you're asking me. The decision is up to old man—Mr. Yoshimura."
"Old man?" Hina repeated at a whisper like he'd insulted Yoshimura.
"Go make your case to him."
"I just thought..." she trailed off, still looking a little shocked about what he called the old man. "Wouldn't you need to tell him if I was coming back? Or how long I was staying?"
Hide thought about it. "Nah, it's fine."
"It's not!"
Hide shrugged again. "You can tell him how not fine it is when you see him again."
.
.
.
Hide didn't remember falling back asleep, but he woke up with the aftertaste of meat in his mouth.
It probably should've been an unpleasant sensation. Kaneki, in that original timeline, would've thrown up and heaved and cried.
Hide sat up, idly rubbing his still-sore side as he glanced over the back of the couch and out the window. The sky was a deep blue, but lighter than the last time he'd woken up.
So, the cafe would be opening soon.
He flopped back down. He should just start leaving his uniform here to save himself some time since he was on this couch so often.
He glanced to the side, expecting to see either Hina or an empty couch telling him that she'd taken his advice to make herself the manager's problem—
He froze. Because it wasn't Hina across from him, but Touka, sitting with her legs pulled up to her chest and staring at him.
"Don't talk," she said, so he didn't.
She hadn't changed since he last saw her, seemingly, because she was still wearing the same green jacket.
She cleared her throat. "Hinami made sure everyone knew that you'd woken up, so—" she looked down at the couch. "So thanks, I guess."
Hide blinked. "Am I still not allowed to talk?"
Touka scoffed, but she was smiling a little. "Just let me finish. You, uh, you followed me. You had your friend—"
"He's got a name."
"Yeah, so, you had Kaneki call Mr. Yoshimura and if Yomo hadn't showed up to get us out of there..." she trailed off. "If you hadn't kept that dove busy me and Hinami would've been..." she sighed into her knees. "Gratitude isn't my strong suit, you know?"
"I think I can tell."
"Shut up," Touka huffed. "You're so... unpredictable. Frustrating. Annoying. Baffling. But you still came. That means something. Sometimes you say things that make me wary of you, and sometimes you seem like a normal guy, but you're allowed to be weird. You're one of us. We're all weird."
"Thanks...?"
"You're welcome," Touka said, standing. She took a few steps towards the door and stopped. "When you feel okay enough to go home, leave Kaneki's number on the table. I should..." she cleared her throat again. "Just leave it for me."
"Sure, but you know where he lives. Just go there yourself—"
"Shut up," she said again, striding from the room.
A/N: Hide is Not Okay.