This fic's cover art was made by kingkishou on Tumblr ahhhhhh I'm so in love! It's gorgeous! :)

Also, thanks for the 100 favs recently. Would appreciate more if you could leave a review once in a while, so that I know what's on your mind when you read this fic :)

Touka stared at the grey brick wall in deep silence, her tears had dried up, yet she could still feel the dampness on her pillow. It was hard to cry silently, especially restraining her sniffles, but she knew Kaneki wasn't aware of it.

The sound of the light snoring behind her, the strong grip on her small waist, the warmth that emanated from his body, his... thing poking her through his pants. It wasn't the first time. In fact, it had been numerous times it happened. But Kaya had told her about this- saying that it was normal for a guy to have an erection while sleeping- a sign that the guy was healthy.

Nonetheless, she felt guilty for turning him down earlier.

If she hadn't, would they have gone all the way?

If she didn't know the truth, she wouldn't have minded at all, to be honest.

Her period ended before they even went to Aogiri kingdom. But Kaneki being Kaneki, always holding back whenever he kissed her, always hesitant to touch her in other places, always wrapped his arms around her before they slept- but never proceeded further despite the occasional thrusting he made while he was sleeping- totally unaware of what he was doing.

Sometimes, he had nightmares- and she would always calm him down with soothing words and hugs, and he clung on to her so tightly as if his whole life depended on her. Crying, and kept on repeating 'don't leave me alone' or 'don't hurt me' until he fell asleep again- his black tears staining her white chemise.

He was a fragile being, afraid of being left alone, and was never loved by his mother. Abused and tortured since he was a kid- he had never experienced a good childhood. Furthermore, he became a king at the age of 12, carrying such a huge responsibility on his shoulders at a very young age.

She turned around carefully, staring at his sleeping form through the dim light of the beeswax candle. He seemed so innocent, so serene- yet, he seemed troubled as well. Her delicate fingers brushed his bangs back in a soothing caress, running through his locks softly as if comforting him.

'You're such a strong man... able to make it this far, hiding your pain from the whole world all this time.'

She started to wonder, was he really using her? If he were, he would've tried to consummate their marriage months ago, wouldn't he?

But he didn't.

And it was actually her who made the first move, kissing him during their first sparring session earlier this month. He was always so hesitant- as if she wasn't his wife, as if he was having an inner battle with his own mind. In fact, tonight was the first time he made his first bold move, even so, he was still very patient with her, telling her he would wait due to her lame excuse of being tired.

He had been very kind to her, too kind that she was having a trouble analysing his motive.

And not to mention Nimura was such a cunning prince. But despite that it didn't seem like the prince was lying, with all the proofs and Kaneki's behaviour- he was definitely dying.

Dying.

Her heart skipped a beat, then plummeted into the pit of her stomach before thudding so loudly she could literally hear every single beat.

How could she forget that? She was too overwhelmed with the assumption that he was using her- that she had forgotten the biggest issue of all.

Her husband was dying.

And he only had a year to live.

A year... seemed like a very short time. They had been married for more than three months, yet it still felt like yesterday for her. He was right. The wedding today did remind her of their wedding. However, the way he danced with her tonight had improved a lot compared to their wedding day. There were no awkward moves, just two people enjoying themselves to the fullest.

Her eyes were wide in horror as black tears suddenly streamed down from his left eye, leaving a trail to the bridge of his nose before the liquid travelled down to his right eye due to gravity.

'No. Don't come out, stupid tears!'

She gently wiped his black tears using the back of her hand, but it was flowing non-stop that she had to tear the edge of her chemise to wipe it.

And he still hadn't woken up. This was normal for him. So normal that she felt scared. How long had it been that tears fell from his eye whenever he was asleep? She remembered waking up to see stains of black tears on his pillow, sometimes on hers because he shifted closer to her before they sleep.

After five long minutes, it finally stopped. And the worst part was never once did his eyes twitch or open. He was really used to it.

She bit her lower lip, trying her best not to cry as she wiped the traces of excessive tears from his face.

Being gone for a week, there were loads of approvals Kaneki had to sign. They were piling up, and the black tears falling from his eye were doing the same. He started to wonder if he still had a year to live due to the ridiculous amount of black tears his left eye had been producing lately.

He would need to talk to Touka soon. She was hiding something from him, and he could sense it with her unusual silence whenever they were alone, the sadness in her eyes whenever she smiled at him, and her silence response whenever he told her about his feelings- making him look a bit too desperate for her affection.

Putting that aside, he also needed to teach her about signing approvals, performing a quality check on their goats whenever necessary, and managing the army. Speaking of the army, he needed to check up on Nishiki and Miza about the preparation for their battle against V.

A long sigh escaped his lungs.

'Too much workload...' His head was starting to get dizzy, but he forced himself to stay awake- he couldn't risk getting fainted again. Even if he was dying, he needed to save his kingdom. He needed… Touka in order to leave an heir.

The thought had always lingered at the back of his mind, making his heart ache with guilt and pain.

'I don't want to use her…' was his final thought before he allowed himself to get some rest in his study chamber, black tears falling endlessly from his left eye.

Coming back from his king's study chamber, Banjou was surprised to see his queen was waiting for him inside his small room. Call it an instinct, but based on his 50-years of experience living and interacting with people, the sheer determination on her face and the crossing of her arms over her chest, he could foretell why his queen was here.

"I want answers."

At that moment, he was pretty much willing to risk everything. When he visited the study chamber earlier, seeing the black tears falling non-stop from his king's left eye, he had only one wish- to see his king experience happiness and love before tragedy befell him. But in order to achieve that, Banjou needed his queen to stay by his king's side no matter what circumstances they had. He knew he would be executed once his queen left his room with the answers she was seeking- but he didn't mind- he didn't mind sacrificing his life, as long as his king found happiness.

"Is Kaneki dying?" Her voice cracked slightly, she had always put up a strong persona in front of everyone- so when he saw her like this, he knew that she was deeply hurt.

He took a deep breath, knowing his answer would be the death of him.

"Yes, he is." 'I'm going to be executed for this. But it's worth it. I don't regret anything.'

"Since when?"

"About a year and a half ago. Tsukiyama had begged him so many times to find a queen. But he didn't want to."

"Why?"

"He didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings. He- you do know why he married you, right, Your Majesty?"

She gave him a nod as her answer.

"He felt guilty. But his remaining lifetime got shorter each day. His eye- it's killing him. Back then, he had 10 years to live. Now, he had only one year. Who knows, tomorrow he might have only one month left."

His last sentence shocked her- sending a pang of pain and sadness to her heart. 'No. It couldn't be.'

"Is that- even possible?"

"With the way his health is deteriorating, it won't be a surprise. Dr. Kanou said he has at most one year, so it could be anytime from today to next year."

She pressed her lips together- trying to hold back her tears. She didn't want to lose him. No. She loved him. Even though he lied to her, he hadn't done anything to her yet. He was actually waiting for her consent.

"The surgery is the only way. Dr. Kanou is an expert in this matter. But he said it's risky. His Majesty might die during the operation."

"So, there's no other way…?"

The older man shook his head. "We've tried everything. I mean, Tsukiyama and I have tried everything. His Majesty didn't even bother. He wanted to... leave this world- but- he's changed. He wants to live now, I can see it in his eyes. He loves you, Your Majesty. He wants to live on with you."

She just stared at him with a pained expression, he knew she was deeply hurt by the fact that his king was dying, and lying to her.

Touka had never forgotten her promise to Banjou, and her determination to stay by Kaneki's side. But surely, a confrontation wouldn't hurt. She needed him to be honest with her. To ensure there would be no more secrets between them.

Kaneki woke up in shock at seeing a pool of dried black tears staining his arm and paperwork, the beeswax candle illuminating the chamber indicating that it was already night time- Banjou must have lit it up for him while he was sleeping. His back and shoulders felt sore, he should've used the couch instead.

Using a newly folded handkerchief located inside the desk's top drawer, he started to wipe the dry, stubborn stain that didn't seem to come off as easy as last time… 'Is my eye getting worse?'

Suddenly, the door was wide opened- revealing his wife with a deep scowl on her face before she stepped in and shut the door behind her.

"Touka…" He said as she walked towards him, "Why are you here-"

His mouth gaped open as he felt a stinging sensation on his left cheek. Did she just… Did she just…

She just slapped him.

His breathing went frantic- memories of his childhood flashed through his mind where he was slapped by his mother every time he wrote a character wrongly.

His mother's slaps were hard and forceful- accompanied by, 'make it perfect!' or 'is this how a future king writes?!' that made him took extra lessons from Banjou just to avoid getting tortured while studying.

"You were lying this whole time?"

The awful memories of his childhood quickly disappeared from his mind, replaced by the shocking question that came out of his wife's mouth. His eyes widened in panic, 'She knew. She knew. She knew.' Those words kept on repeating in his mind, alerting the warning that he tried his best to suppress.

"You proposing to me, you mentioning you want to fall in love with me, they were all lies?"

"Who told you this?" His voice was deep, as if he was about to get angry, yet, it was also as if he was about to cry.

"It doesn't matter! If no one did, you're just going to use me, aren't you? You're the worst, Kaneki!"

"I'm- I-" He seemed lost for words. It never crossed his mind that this day would come- he wasn't expecting this at all. "I'm- I'm sorry..." Was all he could mutter, even though he knew she wouldn't forgive him.

She laughed, bitterly- in exasperation at his useless apology.

"All this time I thought you married me because of my father- turns out there was a bigger reason behind it. I- I am just a tool to you."

"You're not..." He trailed off. He knew she was right. He married her for the sake of Re Kingdom after all.

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..." He apologised again, he knew how pathetic he must have sounded, but what else could he do?

"Guess what, Kaneki? Congratulations, I really did fall for you. All your sweet words, all your affections- I thought- I thought I was an idiot for feeling happy about it. But- I was right. I- I really am an idiot. You made a fool out of me, Kaneki." Tears brimming in her eyes- they were red and puffy, she looked terribly hurt, disappointed, betrayed.

But it wasn't just her, it was hurtful for him too.

But how? How could he ask forgiveness? Would she even forgive him?

Should he try?

He should. He had lied to her for more than three months, after all.

Slowly, his knees fell to the floor. He was kneeling, his head hung in shame.

"I'm sorry, Touka. I'm really, really sorry... I did it for Re. I don't want my people to suffer- or die when other kingdoms tried to claim Re after my death. But to save Re- I need to have an heir... I'm sorry... I was using you all this time... But I did fall in love with you." His eyes looking at her pleadingly, asking for forgiveness he knew he couldn't gain.

"Are you even speaking the truth? You could be saying all this just to make me stay."

Her words felt like a knife stabbing his frail heart over and over again. His face seemed lost, dejected even. How could he show her that it was true? How could he let her know that he wasn't lying?

"You're always so kind, Kaneki. No matter what you did, you always did it out of duties and obligations. You were just acting as a perfect husband, waiting for the chance to use me, weren't you?"

"I- I-" He was rendered speechless by her accusation. But she was right, she was totally right.

"I- I did it out of duties- but- I really fell for you. I'm sorry, Touka. It's alright if you don't believe me, I did hide a lot of things from you, after all."

Silence filled the study chamber. She had caught him, and she knew the truth. All his plans, all his dreams of keeping his kingdom safe... they were destroyed, gone within that moment.

Maybe he should be gone as well. Gone and disappear from this cruel world. After all, there was no guarantee that Washuu would let him stay alive.

Tsuneyoshi wanted to conquer Re ever since 30 years ago. What would be the easiest way than killing its King who was willing to have a surgery with his doctor?

If he died during the surgery, Touka might be forced to marry the new ruler- or become one of the concubines, or even worse- imprisoned, or executed in public.

But if he let her go now, at least, she didn't have to suffer. She could have a better future.

He loved her. He wanted the best for her, and for her to be happy- even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness. Even if it meant living the rest of his short life without her. Her smile, her voice, her warmth...

'I'll miss you... but this is for the best...'

A heavy, defeated sigh escaped his lips. Limply, he stood up, walking slowly towards his desk- his eyes never met hers.

"You may leave, Touka."

Her eyes widened almost instantly. Did she hear that right?

"Wha- what do you mean?"

"You may leave. I will declare that I haven't done anything to you. That this was just an arranged marriage. You're still pure. You're free to leave- and marry other prince or king. Find someone who will live long and have a family with you. Someone who will grow old with you."

"Kaneki..." Her heart felt as if it was shattered into a million pieces hearing his words. 'Are you serious?'

She came here to confront him, to challenge him. She knew how genuine his feelings were. She just wanted him to apologise, to admit what he did was wrong, and to let him know how hurt she was due to the fact that he married her just for the sake of his kingdom.

She never expected it to be like this- she never expected him to let her go.

He sat on his chair, bending slightly to take out a brown papyrus scroll from the desk's lowest drawer.

"Re will continuously give protection to Anteiku even after we're divorced. So don't worry. But once I died and other kingdoms took over, could you please at least take Nishiki in? He's a great knight, he will keep Anteiku safe."

She didn't answer him. She couldn't answer him as her mind was too shocked processing his words, taking in every word that had been said.

"Hinami told me about your proposal, I told her to accept it. But I still need her before I died. Do you think Ayato mind waiting for six more months?"

"Kaneki." She strode towards him, her hands shaking his shoulders- making his eyes finally meet hers. "What are you talking about? Stop it."

His eyes, however, appeared droopy and lifeless- as if he had no more will to live. As if he was accepting his death any moment now.

He managed to form a small, sad smile before he spoke.

"I'm dying, Touka. Even if I had the surgery, they will still find ways to kill me." He opened the scroll, it was long and filled with black handwriting. "This is my will-" Her eyes widened in complete shock, her gaze averted to him briefly before looking back at the handwriting on the scroll. "-I've completed it before we went to Aogiri. But I have to amend it now, since- I'm letting you go." He took the quill from the inkwell and started to write something on it.

"Stop, Kaneki. Don't do this." She snatched the quill from his hand, and he almost glared at her. Almost.

"Give it back."

"No. I won't." She started to back away when he stood up from his chair, walking towards her slowly.

Eventually, she was trapped between him and the brick wall- the quill was safe behind her- in her hand.

Despite all that, he didn't seem angry. In fact, he seemed... in pain. A lot of pain. His hand raised- not to hit her or force her to return the quill- but to brush her bangs behind, revealing her covered right eye. He stared at her beautiful face with a painful expression before his forehead rested against hers. He was holding back his sobs. His voice cracked.

"I don't want to do this, Touka. But- I have to. I have to let you go. So please, let me amend my will for our sake."

She shook her head, hot tears brimming in her eyes. "I don't want to leave you."

"You must leave. I'm not sacrificing your future. You deserve to be happy."

"My happiness is with you." Her hand cupped his left cheek, he leaned into her touch before fluttering his eyes open again- his gaze fell to her lush lips momentarily. He wanted to kiss her...

"You should ask the servants to pack your luggage. You may leave anytime you want. The sooner, the better."

"Kaneki-"

"But before you leave, may I- may I have one last kiss?"

She couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. Was he really doing this? Was he really letting her go without even trying to win her over?

He cradled her cheeks in his palms, wiping off her tears with the pad of his thumbs. He looked at her with guilt, along with yearning in his grey eyes. Trembling, he brushed a tender kiss across her lips. It was gentle, yet lingering- he was expressing his raw emotions to her through his kisses.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Her knees felt far too weak- she was shaking faintly yet she couldn't move. Despite the gentle kisses he had always given her- he had never kissed her as gently and softly as this. It was as if she was a fragile being. As if she would slip from his arms once he pulled away. As if he treasured her so much that this actually hurt him.

No, it did hurt him. His shaky breath against her lips, his tears falling down- making her cheek wet with his black tears, his hands grazing her cheeks so tenderly- this was killing him more than his disease itself. He didn't want to let her go, but yet- but yet- he had to.

The quill was long forgotten as her hands crept up his chest, but as soon as she started responding, as soon as she started kissing him back- he pulled away abruptly- even though it took every ounce of his willpower to pull away from her- he had to.

"Go. Go before I changed my mind." His voice sounded a little bit too harsh in her ears. He picked up the quill pen from the marble floor before turning around- heading to the desk again to amend his will.

Touka was still not moving, staring at his back in disbelief- unsure of what to do.

"I said go!" He said it so sternly without even looking back, knowing that he wouldn't be able to let her go for good if he did.

'Goodbye, Touka. I hope you'll find happiness with someone else soon.' His hand clenched tightly, his eyes closed, waiting for her to leave this chamber- leave this castle- leave... him.

He wasn't given any chance to wait any longer as she strode towards him and embraced him from behind, completely intercepting his thoughts.

For a couple of seconds, he forgot how to breathe. He couldn't breathe. Not when her arms wrapped around him so tightly, so lovingly after he told her to go.

"I'm sorry, Kaneki. I was just... testing you. I know how genuine your feelings are. I'm not leaving you. I'm sorry..."

"What are you talking about, Touka? You have to go." But she ignored his words.

"I've thought about you a lot these days, about your... childhood. It must've been hard, all these years. With your mother, Hide, everyone. I'm sorry. I should've realised how lonely you were. I'm such a bad wife."

"Touka... But I- I lied to you-"

"I know. I'm still angry for that, but- I-"

She pulled away slightly, and he took the opportunity to turn around, facing her as her indigo eyes staring hard into his grey ones.

"I love you. So much."

He knew, of course he knew- after reading her letter that she wrote to him recently. But hearing it directly from her mouth made his heart ache even more that tears began to well up again in his eyes.

"I- I know. I read your letter. I'm sorry, Touka. I'm sorry." He shut his eyes, blinking away the tears that blurred his vision.

She wasn't surprised at his honest reply- somehow, she could already predict it.

"Then, why did you ask me to leave?"

"Because- because I'm dying- I'm going to leave you one day. It's better if you-"

"Does it matter? You said you read my letter- you should know that I won't ever leave you, even if you force me to. I'll stay by your side forever, Kaneki."

"But Touka-"

She kissed him, it was supposed to be a reassuring kiss, in a way. Her mouth moved gently against his, soothing him, telling him, 'I won't leave you, I'll stay.'

The gentle kiss, however, turned into one full of emotions as they poured their feelings into it. He loved her, and she loved him. He was dying, yet it was hard for him to let her go. He needed her in his life, or else, he just felt like dying as he had no one else in this world. She, on the other hand, wanted to stay by his side, to show him he wouldn't be alone anymore, to show him he was loved- by her, by everyone in Re.

He felt himself getting lost in her kisses and caresses- her soft sighs filled his ears like a sweet melody, and this time- he didn't hold back, he didn't pull away. He weaved his hand through her blue hair, opening his mouth further, deepening the kiss as his other hand pulled her closer- feeling the curves of her body pressed hard against his.

It all seemed so fast as their legs brought them to the edge of the couch before their bodies stumbling, falling onto it on top of one another.

And their swollen lips desperately found each other, again. And again. And again.

Next chapter: Consummation