Frieren didn't do birthdays.

The last time she was cordially invited to the birthday party of someone's offspring, she was asked to do close up magic. The elf maiden didn't know any card tricks, she couldn't pull a bunny out of a fancy hat, and she couldn't make a heavy breasted human woman in a skimpy outfit disappear into thin air.

Put in a bit of a bind and with her reputation as the legendary mage of Hero Himmel's party at stake, she did what any other sane individual would do in her position – she used the Deathly Hallows to summon Death of the Endless.

Death answered her summons and showed up to the birthday party. Except she was not alone. She was with her brother Dream of the Endless.

The two siblings were at a park, feeding bread to pigeons, catching up on things, when the Master of Death had called her away.

Dream had sulked and groused over her sister being at the beck and call of a moody elf.

Death, being the more responsible sibling, had been meaning to let her brother tag along with her while she carried out her duties. It would be something along the lines of 'bring your brother to work day', she imagined.

Besides, who knows, Frieren and Dream might get along.

How wrong she had been.

The Lord of the Dreaming had many names and titles. Frieren addressed him as Morpheus. Calling him the Sandman seemed childish and foolish. He wasn't a member of the Avengers or the Justice League. He was the lord and personification of all dreams and reality.

He was also very emo. Quite the gloomy gus. And less mature than her sister.

Taking away the birthday boy's dream of marrying a wealthy older woman and becoming a househusband seemed a bit harsh. Death didn't do him any favours either, telling him he would really get herpes and die a sad little death if he went ahead with the idea of becoming a gigolo in the future.

The boy with the rotten dead fish eyes curled up into a fetal position on the floor and there was a lot of moaning and crying going on.

Frieren didn't understand why.

Death told him how he would die. That was a huge boon. And unlike others, he had a much easier way to forestall his pathetic demise.

"Just practice safe sex." Frieren had told him.

Dream's actions were harder to defend.

"Sorry about him." Death apologized in his stead. "My brother is going through a mid-life crisis. You just caught him on a bad day. He isn't usually this much of a prick."

"I am not." Dream objected.

"Not what?" Frieren asked. "Going through a mid-life crisis or a prick?"

"Neither." Dream scowled. "I was held captive for 106 years."

Frieren wasn't impressed. "I was banned from entering any facility of the Continental Magic Association for 1000 years."

"How is that relevant to the conversation?" Dream asked.

Frieren just shrugged. "I don't know. I thought we were just saying random numbers to make ourselves look better than the other. Humans do it all the time. Especially the males of the species. You take the appearance of a very pale, male human and Death called you her brother. Your actions at the party was very juvenile. I thought comparing penis sizes would be right up your ally."

Dream was rendered utterly speechless.

Death was laughing hysterically like a crazy person. She hadn't laughed this much since Aeschylus, the Greek playwright had died when an eagle had dropped a tortoise on his head.

Meanwhile, back at the party from which these three were kindly asked to leave, the rotten dead fish eyed loner named, Hikigaya Hachiman blew the seventeen candles on top of his birthday cake in one go.

Everyone clapped.

It was quite an incredible feat for a boy who had his dreams taken away and the cause of his death revealed to him a few moments ago. Everybody at the party didn't know how to feel about it, so they all did the decent thing and clapped heartily.

Hikigaya had a watery smile on his face. "Thanks. But for future reference, let's not invite Frieren to anymore birthdays."

"It was Kujou-san's idea." Yukinoshita Yukino said.

Alisa Mikhailovna Kujou was quick to pass the buck. "Anya-chan wanted to meet a real life legend."

Loid Forger bristled at the accusation aimed at her daughter. While he plastered a smile on his face, his brain was working overtime to come up with a way to get away with murder. Russo-Japanese relations were at an all time high. Victor Nikiforov had married Yuuri Katsuki recently. It was all over the news. Perhaps, he was overreacting a little bit.

Anya Forger made a sad face. A few drops of tears leaked from her eyes "Sorry, Hikki-Onii-chan."

That does it. A line was crossed. Fine, he will let the devil out. Loid Forger will kill Alisa Mikhailovna Kujou and make it look like the Viltrumites did it. That might land him in some hot soup with Cecil, but he was Twilight, the best spy in the business. He could handle the Director of the Global Defense Agency.

"Don't worry kid." Hikigaya told Anya in a way to alleviate her guilt. "It will take more than some emo man-child and his hot goth sister to ruin my birthday. What the –Alya! What the hell!"

Hikigaya was a good kid, Loid thought.

He deserved better.

But he couldn't really blame his wife.

Yor was a woman of action.

What she did, if he had to guess, was take out the half-Russian, half-Japanese girl's legs by slicing off the heel of her expensive footwear and let gravity do the rest of the work. Loid was left to guess, because he didn't actually see none of it happen. Yor was stupidly quick with a blade. The knife used to slice the birthday cake was back on the plate before the girl's head hit the edge of the table and she collapsed in an unceremonious heap onto the cold hard floor.

"What the hell happened?" Hikigaya asked again.

The entire thing happened in a flash, in the blink of an eye. There was no way anybody saw what she did. Hikigaya was smart. But he wasn't Ayanokouji level intelligent. Yor was in the clear. All she had to do was act natural.

It was an accident.

Heels break all the time.

"The Ukrainians did it!" Yor yelled.

Loid Forger let out a world weary sigh and shook his head while reaching into his coat pocket. How in the world did his lovely wife manage to keep it a secret that she moonlighted as an infamous assassin for all these years was truly beyond him. He was not unintelligent. And she was terribly bad at lying and coming up with believable excuses.

What can I say, Twilight thought ruefully, I am head over heels in love with my wife.

And so, the WISE Agent took out a pair of black sunglasses and the standard issue neuralyzer from his stint at MiB and erased the memories of all the guests at the party.

Later when Alisa Mikhailovna Kujou was taken out and the party commenced as if nothing untoward had happened, with the party goers still remembering the whole 'Frieren Fiasco' as it will be reported tomorrow in the Daily Bugle, a blue haired woman with a beauty mark beneath her pigeon blue eyes decided to shoot her shot with the birthday boy.

"Say Hikigaya," Kawasaki Saki began. "Did you make a wish when you blew out the candles?"

Hikigaya Hachiman considered her for a moment. Then gave a small nod of his head. "I did."

Kawasaki thought she was being real smooth. "What did you wish for?"

Hikigaya decided two can play that game. "They say birthday wishes don't come true if you tell someone. Do you still want to know, Kawasaki?"

Kawasaki thought about it for a second. Then she figured, screw it, why the hell did she care if his wish came true or not. He was the same rotten dead fish eyed loner he always claimed to be. Nothing changes with him. Not now, not ever. And she was fine with it. She was fine with him.

"Yeah, lay it on me."

He didn't get the innuendo.

"I wished that I would die a virgin."

And as expected, she didn't catch the contradiction.

-x-x-x-

Author's Note: Welcome to "Guilty Pleasure (Volume II)"

This chapter is dedicated to the two guest reviewers in my "Hitagi Senjougahara: The Jilted Lover" fic who told me to return to writing Guilty Pleasure.

I really enjoyed writing that fic back in the day, because well, it was my guilty pleasure. I know it wasn't super popular, because my ideas and the interactions were kinda goofy and crazy, but hey, I enjoyed it and that's all that matters.

Now this Volume of Guilty Pleasure will be even more crazier and I want you guys to send me your ideas. Just whatever you can think of, write it down and tell me in the reviews and if I think it is feasible, I will definitely try writing it.

So what is my definition of crazy? I'm glad you asked.

Well, in the next chapter, which will take place in the past, Frieren will come face-to-face with a mugger in Gotham who goes by the name of Joe Chill. The name sounds familiar doesn't it. Well, in that chapter, we will learn that Frieren was indirectly responsible for Bruce Wayne's parents getting shot and killed in Crime Alley.

Sounds fun, right?

Yeah, um, I know there is something very wrong with me.

But it made me laugh and I'm hoping it will make you laugh too.

Now it's time for some polls –

Poll#1: Which Characters Do You Want To See In Guilty Pleasure?

Option 1: Frieren.

Option 2: Himmel.

Option 3: Loid Forger.

Option 4: Yor Forger.

Option 5: Mama Yuigahama.

Option 6: Alisa Mikhailovna Kujou.

Option 7: Masachika Kuze.

Option 8: Shizuka Hiratsuka.

Option 9: Fern and Stark.

Option 10: Character From The Reviews.

Poll#2: What Should Be The Genre of Guilty Pleasure?

Option 1: Comedy.

Option 2: Raunchy Comedy.

Option 3: Romantic Comedy.

Option 4: Leave-Your-Brain-At-Home Fun

Option 5: Crack Pairings

Option 6: Genre From The Reviews.

Please pick accordingly.

Hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter.

Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave

Won't betray your dreams.