Eiko POV

Oh no! I've wound up in another weird confrontation! And she's really pretty!

Even in the chill of autumn I'm sweating a bit, sitting before none other than the Council President, Ameri Azazel. I could barely sleep last night after she told me to arrive for this early-morning meeting.

"So, I understand that you've made a habit of tailing the Sullivan Twins and documenting their behaviors…" she sternly says with laced fingers.

Ack! This time it's real, my obsessions have landed me in serious trouble! Azz, you'll have to survive without me once I'm sent to super-deten-

"… Thus I have brought you here to use your expertise."

"Uwah?"

"I've heard a few concerning things about Rimuru lately, so I want to know if you've observed her doing anything… 'interesting', shall we say."

"Oh! Yes, of course, Miss President!"

I pull my trusty photo album out of my bag, something which causes Ameri's eyebrows to raise.

I take a moment to silently thank myself for color-coding the pages with blue, yellow, and red tabs, because I don't think Ameri would like it if I accidentally opened onto a page full of photos of her.

Opening up on the first yellow tab, I show off my first photo of Rimuru, which is still one of my favorites.

"Here's her playing with her new familiar after the summoning ritual!"

"We're starting from all the way back then?!"

"Of course! Ah, the color composition of this photo came out great, the green of the grass and the pink of her uniform… It's so easy to forget she used to wear the girls' uniform, she looked so cute in it but it didn't take her long at all to join the Student Council…" I trail off in a dreamy tone.

"Eiko, I need something newer than this."

"U-uh, right, skipping ahead! There's a big gap in my observations early in the year because I got spooked off after Rimuru had noticed how much I was watching her and her brother, but later I met up with Asmodeus and he got me back into it!"

After the hiatus all the pics of her are in regular Student Council uniform.

"This uniform didn't look as good…" I pout.

"Do you have a problem with it?" the Student Council President snarls.

"Eep! I-I mean, it looks good on tall students, but it has a lot of bits that stick out, so it ends up looking too big for her even though it's her size…"

"So you're saying that uniform doesn't work as well with shorter members. Well, you might have a point, as we didn't have any shorter members when my father commissioned that design. I'll have to ask Nafra what she thinks of it."

"Ooh, look at this pic!" I say, having lost my focus on Ameri's words. "Joining the council really brought out her strict side, here's when she stuck someone to the wall so she could give them a thorough scolding! It's funny if you look at it without context, because it looks almost like a romantic kabedon…"

"Please don't start inserting yourself into the situation."

"Oops, sorry…!" I look down in embarrassment and hastily move onto another page. "Ah! Here's when she and her brother entered their evil cycles, I loved the stylish clothes she wore that day! But her air didn't seem any different to me, unlike her brother who was so cool. Maybe the regular Rimuru has already maxed-out her coolness?"

"It's more likely she has a way to suppress the effects. Good control over your evil cycle is sometimes necessary in noble families."

"Sometimes? Why?"

"Because as an evil cycle involves succumbing to your own magical power to some degree, young nobles are at risk of succumbing entirely since they can be excessively powerful for their age due to their lineages. Did you hear what happened with Asmodeus during the Harvest Festival?"

"I did, I hear he went totally berserk!"

"Right, well it's possible that Rimuru would also risk turning into a rampaging monster by letting her evil cycle happen naturally, and that she just bottles it in."

So I might not have seen Rimuru's true evil cycle? There could be an evil, monstrous version of her I haven't seen yet?!

I imagine for a moment what that would look like.

"So cool…" I whisper.

"I know what you're thinking. Don't wish that nightmare upon the world, the school's budget isn't prepared for those kinds of repair costs."

I tense up and immediately stop imagining how cool Rimuru would look like that. The last time I wished for something weird, it actually happened! So by now I'm feeling pretty superstitious.

Ameri then turns to the next page on her own, and my breath catches in my throat as I'm too late to stop her.

Oh thank goodness! It was an Iruma page and not an Ameri page!

More specifically, it's a page dedicated to the Magical Apparatus Battler, featuring Iruma and his pink-and-green-haired accomplices all being adorable together!

Having tea, playing a card game that Clara came up with, even doing a sleepover!

"Is this the Magical Apparatus Battler? How sweet," Ameri says wistfully, her eyes fixed on the page.

"I know, they're so cute!"

"Yes… But it concerns me that they look like they're not engaging in battler activities at all. One can hardly call a trio of students playing together a 'battler', it's more like they've got their own private playroom. As it is, I'll have to consider disbanding them."

Oh no! Have I accidentally documented Iruma up to no good and exposed him to the authorities, like some kind of heroic journalist digging up corruption? Bad Eiko! You're ruining things for your idol again!

"Uh, um… could you please not disband them? Their battler just has to start doing things with magitools, right?"

Ameri pauses in contemplation.

"The best way to spur them on would be to give Elicos Schnell to them as he's a very capable and active researcher, but I would have already done that if I could; unfortunately, Rimuru has good reason to make Iruma reject any battler members she finds untrustworthy, and she despises Schnell after the way he disgraced himself."

Wow, the Council President takes so many things into consideration, she knows so much about the other students…

She sighs. "If school politics are this troublesome, I'm not looking forward to getting wrapped up in actual politics. I'd be naive to think that all a Border Control officer has to do is pummel criminals."

"But the problem will solve itself won't it?" I suggest. "The battlers are gonna be doing pretty much nothing until almost the end of the year, and then next year Iruma'll have all the battler members he wants since everyone knows how amazing he is!"

"He won't get researchers if they see his battler isn't doing any research. As great as those 'fireworks' of his were, I'll have to insist that he at the very least studies the technology left behind by the last generation of that battler. After the Music Festival, of course, I want him to do his best for that."

Ameri leans back in her chair, smiling to herself about something.

She's totally just fantasizing about Iruma's performance, hehehe. Hmm… Iruma's performance…

I'm not sure how long I spaced out for, but I snap back to reality with a start as I hear Ameri asking me a question.

"Hang on, how in the world did you photograph the battler members without them noticing? The pictures look like they were taken from only a short distance away, and it's not like you could have just pretended to be a passer-by in a private room."

Would it be considered strange if I told her that I wore perfume to match my smell to the room, put on three pairs of detection-warding glasses, and then camouflaged myself in one spot for hours?

Somehow I feel the answer is yes, so…

"Uh… It's a trade secret!"

Ameri's face twitches, clearly unimpressed by my response, but she lets it slide.

"Anyway!" I take the album back from her and excitedly skip ahead a few pages. We're close to the end, since the summer holiday plus things going on in my own life drastically reduced my opportunities to photograph my idols for a while.

But I got some great shots during the Harvest Festival!

"Look right here!" I jab at the best photo on the page. "Here's what just might be my fave Rimuru pic! Look at how her tiny arms and legs are draped over the branch while she's fast-asleep… Eeeee!"

I fail to hold in a squeal.

"Oh my…" Ameri gasps.

The only way this photo could be better is that I heard a rumor of another clone with the tail and ears of a wolf. If I captured that mythical creature in this same pose, I'd have a photograph approaching lethal doses of cuteness!

I clench a fist, determined to make up for this missed opportunity.

"One day…" I mutter, and turn to the last Rimuru page. "Oh look! Here's a pic I took a week ago where she's sneaking off to the hot springs of the forest where the Harvest Festival took place… and here's the huge barrier that appeared a few moments later."

"Uh, I feel like you should have taken that as a hint to be just a little less obsessive…"

"Perhaps, but if I did I wouldn't have gotten this!"

I point to the newest gem of my collection, Rimuru dressed as a posh noble lady in one of Clara's elaborate off-the-rails roleplays where she makes Azz and the twins fill very random roles.

"The one flaw of this photo is that she's looking at the camera with that adorable embarrassed expression of hers, I just can't figure out how to raise my stealth high enough to–"

"Enough! Ugh, I won't say this wasn't fun, but none of this has helped with the reason I called you here…" Ameri groans.

Oh no, she's unhappy! Though she said she had fun? Hmm, I forget what she needed help with in the first place, but…

"Maybe we could take a look at the Iruma pics then?" I offer.

"Iruma pics? Why would we be looking at those?"

"That collection is a lot bigger as he's way easier for me to photograph in his natural habitat, I've got pics of him doing all kinds of cute things!"

She looks away, blushing as she thinks about something. "W-well, I'd be wasting my time here if I settled for incomplete data…"

"So you want to see cute pictures of Iruma?"

"Um, he's Rimuru's brother, thus it stands to reason that I should–"

"So you want to see cute pictures of Iruma, right?!" I ask again, leaning in with sparkles in my eyes.

…

I leave Ameri's office an hour later, humming a happy tune as I make my way to my first class for the day.

It's amazing how the Student Council President still manages to be so tsundere even though we spent so long talking about her boyfriend; not to mention how last term she saw my felt plushie of Iruma I had too-daringly brought to school and asked me to make one for herself, as a "demonstration of student craftsmanship" for a report that I doubt ever happened.

I smile to myself.

Despite how mean and nasty grandma says the world can be, the people at this school are so cool and silly and adorable. I guess it must be the Chairdemon's magic at work.

Then I freeze in panic.

GAH! I have a family meeting with the Chairdemon this evening! How do you prepare for a meeting with one of the Three Greats?! I've chosen not to think about it until now, but that just made it sneak up on me!

All I can think to do is ask Azz as my ally in the Thirteen Crowns to make a script for me, and then mindlessly follow that script while only thinking about calming things like how adorable Iruma is.

Shaoron POV

After a joke that got out-of-hand, I'm being worked like a slave and cleaning Our Battler's room while all the other members eat lunch.

Well, all of them except Tonton, on account of my joke. He's in the infirmary after trying out some of my cooking, a stew with one of the key ingredients being Spotted Duskcrawler.

Pay more attention in diabotany next time! I told you the ingredients! 'Course, I described them in a very appetizing and flowery way, eheheheh~!

I giggle as I mop when a knock on the door finally gives me a break from the monotony.

I open the door to see who's knocking… and then immediately slam it shut again.

Shit, it's the rank Vau student that we tried to blow up because of our evil-incarnate president! Is she here looking for a fight? … No, that was ages ago, it can't be about that. So maybe my improvements have been recognized, and I'm being scouted for the Student Council?!

Yeah, that must be it! Sorry, everyone… I'm going to miss Our Battler and all the fond memories I have of this place, but it's time for me to move up in the world!

With my most charming smile, I open the door once more.

"It's a pleasure to see you, Rimuru Tempest. Are you here to talk with me?"

"Depends, who here do I talk to if I want something done? I've heard that Our Battler takes care of unusual requests."

Nevermind, I'm still stuck with you dumbasses.

"Ah, I'll take you to our president then."

Trying to hide my disappointment, I lead Rimuru to Gruppen at the other end of this paltry battler room.

"Yo, this girl's here to see you."

As though pretending he has his own office and thus didn't see her until now, he looks up from the papers on his desk and addresses her in a reserved-yet-strong voice.

"I see. Welcome to Our Battler, Rimuru!" he announces in a booming voice, standing tall with his arms wide.

The energy in the air feels intense, like the last quiet moment before a battle between giants.

Gruppen is an imposing, overbearing presence, the third-year towering over the first-year with his trademark evil grin and reflective glasses that hide his intentions. His proclivity for chaos and violence will be a blight upon the Netherworld when he graduates, as he'll sow the seeds of mayhem unbounded.

Rimuru looks dainty to the unknowing on the surface, but she's a one-girl army who could beat my entire class in a fight with ease. Her power is almost mythical because she never quite spreads her wings enough to leave her brother's shadow; that reserved nature means there's a thousand tricks she could be hiding and just waiting for the chance to use.

With these two giving each other the staredown, I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be here!

"I hear you take care of problems." Rimuru finally breaks the tension.

Gruppen's grin widens ever-so-slightly.

"We're not going to assassinate Professor Kalego for you."

"You sure jumped to extremes fast!" Rimuru balks a little.

"Isn't that what your heart wants? He made a mockery of you, even though you'll surely be stronger than him one day. But sating your bloodlust against a high-ranking demon is your battle, not ours."

"I'm not trying to kill my teacher, you maniac!"

With a hint of disappointment, Gruppen leans back in his seat. "Well, I'm stumped. What do you want then, council girl?"

Rimuru sighs. "My problem is that not much is happening in the leadup to the Music Festival, so this is a period where notoriety can really stick. Now, I'll admit to being a bit self-indulgent, but do you have any idea how awkward it feels to be described as 'apocalyptically ravenous'?"

"Awkward? It's awesome!" I interject. "A walking apocalypse, not giving a damn about the competition and devouring everything and everyone in your way! You're like, Tonton's greatest hero now!"

I'd kill for a reputation to make me stand out like that, this rich kid's got it good!

"Well, if it's so awesome, then I'm sure you'll be keen on my request. I simply want someone else to grab the spotlight with a notorious act of their own, something that'll make me seem like a normal good kid in comparison."

"You're asking for mayhem as a Student Council member and the principal's granddaughter?" Gruppen asks in an amused tone.

"No, I'm asking as an anonymous client who just wants a little more peace in their life."

"Heh. Then pay up. Shaoron over there causes an incident every other day, but something big enough for people to forget about Miss Negative-a-Hundred-Thousand-Points who killed and devoured a student is gonna need a budget. Mayhem on that level isn't cheap."

"I'll have you know that the 'devoured a student' part is a lie and I intend to prove it if I can. But anyway…"

Rimuru doesn't hesitate at all to slap a hefty wad of cash on the desk.

"... Six months of my allowance. What can you do with that?"

Damn, these noble kids are rich!

Gruppen picks up the wad and flips through it, chuckling to himself. "Many, many things. You can leave it to us, then act totally blameless for whatever we do!"

"Hey now, I'll blame myself if you go overboard. I expect everyone to be safe and sound at the end of the day. If I found out someone I cared about got caught in the crossfire, well… It would be a shame if a helpful battler like this were to be disbanded on account of all its members getting arrested."

With that, Rimuru turns and promptly leaves through the wrong door.

"Haha, that goofball walked into the storage closet!" my sketchy senior battler member Cino laughs.

"Why does this storage closet have a storage closet?" the other senior Shuppen lazily asks.

"Oh come on, our room isn't that bad," I chuckle, heading for the closet Rimuru accidentally went into. "But you should get out of there Rimuru, I don't think any of us have ever cleaned in there!"

I open the door.

She's gone.

"Huh, that's creepy. I guess she's saying that we can't phone it in because she could be anywhere, watching us," Shuppen comments in a somehow-still-lazy tone. He's just a lazy person in general.

"Phone it in? Phone it in?! Never!" Gruppen slams his hands on his desk, nearly cracking it. "Glory be to this day! The principal's own granddaughter is paying us to bring chaos to this school! Just this once, we have the chance to go all-out!"

Utsu sighs. "I kinda don't wanna do that? I need all the time I can get to practice so I can look my best in the Music Festival for all of my girlfriends."

I smack him in his stupid pretty-boy face with my filthy mop. "Go to hell!"

Rimuru POV

"I will respect the Netherworld's caretakers. I will not recklessly summon them and chase them with weapons. I will respect the Netherworld's caretakers. I will not recklessly summon them and chase them with weapons. I will respect the Netherworld's caretakers. I will not recklessly summon them and chase them with weapons."

The message repeats over and over all across the blackboard, our class-wide detention really hammering the point home by making all of us write it.

I take a step away from the blackboard. "Hey, Professor, I just realized I gotta do something. I'll be back soon, 'kay?"

"Oh no you don't," Kalego replies in a threatening tone. "You don't get to just leave detention whenever you please."

"It'll just be a minute!" I move towards the door.

He stops me by grabbing my arm. "Get back to writing, fool!"

"Nuh-uh!" I pull against his grasp, which stays firm, until:

*Riiip*

"Oops, I guess you can hang onto that for now as collateral, it's proof I'll come back later for it."

"Your arm–?! … WHY DID YOUR ARM COME OFF?!"

"Oh no, my poor body must be wasting away and falling apart from being starved! Anyway, seeya!"

I bolt outside, and Kalego runs after me arm-literally-in-hand, his increasingly distant yelling a mixture of cursing and concern.

Heh, he fell for the decoy! He'll be running around for ages trying to give my arm back!

A few seconds later, I step into the room through another door knowing that my clone will keep Kalego occupied for a long while.

Jazz looks between me and the 'blood trail' my clone left. "What the fu–"

"Alright, Iruma, Azz, Clara — let's go!" I announce as I wave them outside, ignoring the bewildered expressions of my class.

"I know you said you needed our help investigating and had a plan to break us out of detention, but I never expected this…" Azz mutters as he follows me, apparently not yet desensitized enough to my shenanigans.

Clara, however, takes a swipe of the 'blood' with her finger and eats it.

"It's jam!"

"What if it wasn't?! And why does Rimuru bleed jam?!" Lead asks in horror.

"Look, we really need to get going, so whatever questions you have, the answer I'd give is either 'Don't worry' or 'It's a trade secret'," I tell the class since I'd like to get back here before Kalego does.

"Those answers are so unhelpful! Hey, Iruma, you said you accidentally cut her arm off once, does any of this make sense to you?"

Iruma gives a wry smile. "Uh… it's a trade secret?"

I'm so proud of him.

…

Now having companions who'll help take the heat if the Art Battler still resents me, I poke my nose in, tentatively walking inside. In spite of battler activities having been suspended to let students focus on the Music Festival, the Art Battler is still up-and-running since it contributes to the Music Festival itself.

"Things seem calm here now, but once the classes get a solid idea of the props they'll need, that'll place a huge workload on their Art Battler students," Azz explains.

"Isn't that going to be a problem for us since we don't have any students in this battler?"

"Not at all, Master Iruma. We can leverage our bloodline abilities for this purpose or our social connections. I imagine that you and Rimuru would be able to acquire props through your connections as demdols."

"It was a one-time thing!" Iruma flusteredly waves his hands. "But, uh, I suppose so…"

Man, he's never gonna live that down, huh?

I find it a little embarrassing myself, but for once it's to my benefit that I'm regarded as a girl in this world as at least I avoided adding "being a crossdresser" to my already unfathomably bizarre reputation.

And Azz has a better point than he realizes. I imagine that the actual secret demdol of our class will be able to really smooth things along with our production.

Our arrival doesn't go unnoticed. "What do you think you're doing, bringing her here?!" someone shouts.

Two muscular art students storm our way, almost like a couple of bouncers.

Drat, I guess Kalego didn't improve my reputation with these guys even slightly. It'll be difficult to figure out where to start this investigation…

As I brace myself to be forcefully dragged off the premises, they stomp towards me, and then…

Past me? Seizing Clara by each arm, they heft her up.

"Hey! Lemme go, I didn't do nothin'!" she squirms and kicks but it doesn't really help her.

"You know exactly what you did! Don't come back here!"

"This is injustice! Iruma-chi, Riri, Azz-Azz! Remember meee!"

All of us are so completely and utterly confused that we have no idea how to react, just watching her get dragged out the door as we try to piece together what happened.

As the two 'bouncers' walk back inside, one of them stops near us, muttering, "Sheesh, thinks she can terrorize poor Marnie and waltz right in like nothing happened…"

Terrorizing Marnie? Ah, I guess Clara must have been mistaken for me. I'll just have to take advantage of this identity swap to do my investigations.

"I don't think you needed to do that, Rimuru is totally innocent," I say awkwardly.

"Huh? Why are you talking about yourself in third-person?" the student asks.

My cheeks instantly go red. "I thought you dragged Clara out thinking she was me!"

"That's what I assumed as well! What the hell did Valac do?!" Azz yells.

"Clara and Elizabetta got in our bad books for their own reasons," the student explains. "For some reason, they decided to 'borrow' Marnie for their Harvest Festival training. They simply yoinked her from here without asking or anything! It just feels so wrong that they'd pester the corner-dwellers like that."

"Ah, man, I feel for her there, I got 'yoinked' by them as well," I awkwardly chuckle. "The Harvest Festival's more fun with friends, but it feels a little embarrassing, y'know?"

"Ditto on that…" Iruma mumbles.

[[Hmm. Now their behavior makes sense. I will have to make a contingency plan.]]

A contingency plan? What's this about?

[[As I said before, I suspect you will find out soon enough, Master.]]

I sigh internally at Ciel's cryptic antics and decide to focus on the situation at hand.

"So, what's the case with me then? Is it fine if I come in, even with the rumors of what I did to Pazuzu?"

"Yeah, you're allowed. Professor Kalego was here yesterday and helped us piece the situation together; the biggest thing was he asked us if Zozo would have been likely to do anything particularly offensive in courting you, and then explained how things are between you and your classmate Camui. Can't say everyone'll trust you, but we at least understand the significance of Camui still being alive."

Huh. Kalego actually set the stage for me better than I expected, though I'm not sure how to feel about getting help from him of all people.

Not one to waste an opportunity, I just continue, "Great! That gives us a good starting point to start figuring out where he ran off to."

"Shall we split up to start asking questions?" Azz asks me.

"Sure, I'll speak with Marnie since it seems like she knows Pazuzu pretty well."

Hearing her mentioned as a supposed "corner dweller" I look for the quietest and most secluded part of this exceptionally large battler room.

There I spot a very short girl who was in the middle of drawing, now looking at me with wide eyes full of nervous anticipation.

Well, time to confront this person who started that awful rumor.

I stride towards her, but the moment I do…

"I'm so, so sorry! I've given you so much trouble because of the things I've said!" She practically falls from her chair as she apologizes with a full dogeza, not that there was much distance between her and the floor to begin with.

Man, I was thinking I'd give her a stern talking-to about carelessly spreading rumors, but I'd just feel bad if she's already guilt-tripped herself…

"Hey, hey, there's no need to take it that far! Sure, I would have appreciated it if you considered things more carefully, but–"

"It's absolutely my fault! Everyone in the battler kept asking me what I saw, and I kept telling them that you must have gobbled up Zuzu!"

"Look, a big mistake is rarely one person's fault. I've gotta think more about how the things I do appear to others, and Pazuzu needs to get a better grip on his emotions."

Trying my best to mimic the calming air that Iruma's so well known for, I offer her a hand, finding it difficult to talk with someone who looks like she wants to vanish into the floor.

Oddly, she actually does seem much calmer as she looks up at me, casually taking my hand and standing up.

She stares at me in confusion. "Wait, are you a–? … No, no, that isn't possible!" She shakes her head, flailing her long hair everywhere.

What was she thinking I might be? Well, it doesn't matter, whatever she'd guess would be wrong.

"So… you're really not mad at me?" she asks sheepishly.

"Well, if we can bring Pazuzu safely back, then everything can be forgiven and forgotten. I gotta say though, how did you mistake red paint for blood? I mean, the two look totally different, blood's a pretty hard thing to fake."

"U-um… I don't have any blood, so it's not something I've seen much…"

"Oh! I see, I see…" I nod, fully understanding her perspective.

Hmm? Hold on, nearly all present-day Netherworlders are supposed to be living beings rather than incarnated spirits. What kind of biological specimen would mimic blood-having traits like color in the cheeks, yet not have actual blood?

Before I can get too invested in that odd question, both of my investigative sidekicks return. Ciel seems suddenly exasperated for some reason.

Azz reports first. "Rimuru, I've heard that the Pazuzu family is highly militaristic, and that it's been a point of contention between Zozo and his father. Perhaps he was pressured into courting a girl with a military background?"

Marnie jolts with the new arrival, trembling and taking a step back. "N-no… His feelings towards Rimuru were his own. But I'm sure his dad would have approved at least!"

"Makes sense. I'm sure he'd consider that a big win since I got the impression that he disliked his son's focus on art. What about you, Iruma? Anything you found out?"

"Not really," he says with slight disappointment. "I called Professor Kalego because I figured he must've spoken with Pazuzu's family about this, and he said that he spoke with Pazuzu's dad, who was the only one there. Apparently, he was just kinda rude and dismissive though."

Marnie backs off even more, somehow seeming intimidated by Iruma of all people.

Sheesh, she's one of the most timid people I've ever met!

[[That is no surprise. She is very small and fragile as demons go.]]

Hmm, but Pazuzu was also very timid, even accounting for the delicacy of the situation. Maybe he was raised too heavy-handedly? That's worth taking into consideration.

As I mull over the question of what happened to Pazuzu, I decide the most important thing is where he went after fleeing that would cause him to go missing."There's four possible places he could have gone: He went to see a family member. He went to see a confidant. He went off to be alone. Or he didn't make it to wherever he was going. The question is, how does he vanish in each scenario?" I ask aloud.

"I can't imagine him getting attacked by a confidant… I don't even know if he has anyone for that other than me, and they'd probably not be someone outside the school…" Marnie murmurs.

"You can't completely trust anyone, but I agree that it's unrealistic. Disappearing while alone or while flying would be more likely; both scenarios would be something like kidnapping or getting attacked by a wild beast."

"Wait! Didn't you mention a flying beast attacking people outside the school just recently?" Azz suggests.

Crap, that story came back to bite me!

"Ah! Well, you see, the flying beast was just defending itself since it got attacked on its way back to the school…"

"Was the flying beast also on its way back from a restaurant?" Iruma asks doubtfully.

I just awkwardly smile back at him.

He groans. "Didn't you promise to stop beating up the back-to-basics demons?"

"Hey, they came to me! I just hit them with one big explosion and flew off, they shouldn't have any reason to resent me since I sent them a healer and didn't rat them out."

Azz seems deeply concerned as well. "Rimuru, the way you handle your enemies is very impressive, but you're playing a dangerous game," he warns.

"I know, I know… Alright, so there was no flying beast, just a bunch of demons who were after me specifically," I admit.

"Even if they were after you, having demons like that around is dangerous to others."

"Yeah… Come to think of it, Pazuzu must be a very fast flier since his bloodline magic controls wind, so they could have mistaken him for me at a distance and–" My voice stops as I imagine the possibility, and I quickly grow worried.

Shoot, don't tell me it's actually my fault he disappeared!

Right as I'm starting to panic a bit, Ciel figures out the quickest way to get an answer.

[[One of your attackers, Muzu Yeqon, could be identified from records of past Babyls students. He seems relatively likely to admit if his group attacked a random student. Requesting to use a clone to question him.]]

Yes! I quickly confirm.

…

"Um, Rimuru?" Iruma asks with a look of serious worry.

"Shh!" I cut him off, and we wait for a few more tense moments.

…

[[You are in the clear.]]

I sigh in relief. "Alright, that's not what happened, thank goodness."

"I'm so confused…" Marnie mumbles, a few steps further away than when I last looked at her.

"Same here, I can't comprehend what you did to determine that," Azz agrees.

"It's nothing worth worrying about," I sternly tell them. "Anyway, it's still a likely possibility that he went somewhere and got randomly attacked, but that aside, the last option we haven't considered is that he went home, and for whatever reason his dad's acting like he didn't. Anyone reckon there's a chance of that?"

I look hopefully towards Iruma, the unfortunate expert on abusive parents between us.

"Uh… I guess a parent could send their kid to go do something dangerous, then if anyone asks where the kid is they can just say they don't know," he replies.

"Good thinking!" I give him a pat on the head, partly because I feel a little bad about dredging up that stuff. "So what visible signs would there be if that was the case?"

Azz ponders for a moment. "For demons, it is rare to be blessed with a child, thus a parent being led to believe their child was murdered would be an extreme level of provocation. Master Iruma, what did you say the father's reaction was?"

"Professor Kalego just said he was very dismissive… Wait, does that mean–?" Iruma's eyes light up in shock and realization.

I slam my fist in my palm. "That's it! He should be angrier, so he must know where Pazuzu is! Now we just have to track him down and interrogate him!"

Then we hear a small explosion.

"INTRUDER! STOP HIM!" comes a shout from outside.

Uh… don't tell me that's him…

We peek outside and bear witness to the complete fiasco going down in the halls of Babyls.

The first to run past the door is the other me, still missing an arm and now looking rather distressed about how out-of-hand things have gotten.

"Hey, let's just calm down and talk about this! This isn't gonna get anywhere if you don't stop and listen!"

Then an old guy, with the same unique wings as Pazuzu, firing rays of magic that explode against the floor as I dodge them:

"I won't stop! Turn and face me, you coward!"

Then a flock of teachers, all shouting various things:

"There's an intruder threatening a student! Enemies who aim for our treasure will receive a most gruesome education!"

"Damn fast for an old man!"

"Oh my stars, he blew off her arm!"

Behind all of them is Kalego, who's breathless and flagging from running nonstop since I last saw him; yet he's diligently keeping doors shut with telekinesis to prevent students from gawking and complicating the situation even more with their presence.

I duck out of sight and quickly pull the others with me before we're spotted, and the door slams shut on its own.

We all take a moment to process the shit-show we just saw.

"I guess Pazuzu's dad was bitter after all. Older-looking guy than I expected, though," I observe.

"That's all you have to say?" Iruma gawks at me in disbelief.

"Now I truly understand the power of your bloodline ability, Rimuru…" Azz gasps. "Because even while you're in mortal peril, you're still perfectly safe here if the worst comes to pass, right?"

"I wouldn't call what's going on out there 'mortal peril', but sure…" I mumble distractedly as I think of what to do about this.

The other me doesn't seem to be thinking calmly, whereas I'm feeling collected and have some background knowledge about the situation, so it'd make sense to trade places with him.

{{Wanna tag out? I can take over from here,}} I offer myself.

{{Please do!}}

With his permission, we swap bodies, and I immediately fall flat on my face from getting mixed up between standing and running.

As I roll over the staff is already pointed down threateningly in my face, crackling with energy.

In turn, the teachers behind the old man are pointing a variety of dangerous things at him, ranging from a simple wand to massive Gatling-gun flowers.

But the man seems to be ignoring them, instead fully focused on me alone.

"I don't suppose we could talk this out over tea?" I ask him hopefully.

"Tea? After what you did to my boy?!" he shouts in disgust.

Ah, this is all too familiar…

"Figures you'd say no." Somehow this isn't the first time someone's tried to murder me because they heard a false rumor about me heartlessly devouring someone dear to them. And the thing I've found in those cases…

Unfairly fast, I leap from lying defeated on the ground to shattering his staff with a powerful kick that lands square in his chest.

… Is that they don't listen until you beat them in a fight!

He's sent flying but manages to recover in midair and block my follow-up punch, so I pick up the pace a bit and dart behind him, using a barrier to rebound into another kick.

It's a solid hit, and this time I use sticky threads to pull him back in my direction for the combo; only he grabs the threads and tries to pull me into his own punch, so I let the momentum carry me, his fist grazing past my face while mine slips under his arm and lands true.

The beatdown lasts just several more seconds until:

"I yield! Jeez, I can't deal with that kind of speed at my age…" he bemoans.

Ugh, now I kinda feel bad about beating him up.

The teachers seem pretty impressed and somewhat relieved though, so at least I struck the right balance between acting believably strong yet still able to protect myself.

"One soldier to another, I'll at least hear you out," the old man says.

"Right, so–" I begin, only to be interrupted by Professor Momonoki.

"That's not what's important right now! Did anybody manage to find Rimuru's arm?" she cries out, grabbing me and showing off my cauterized-looking stump.

Sheesh, did the other me have to make it so graphic? I really oughta stop spooking the teachers, having them fret over me like this is so embarrassing…

"Don't think you'll get off lightly for harming a student so severely, even if this was all a misunderstanding," Buer glowers.

"Hold on, she was like that when I got here! I just assumed that was an old battle scar!" the old man protests.

"That man speaks the truth," Kalego says, sauntering his way over. "You know how some creatures shed their tails when caught? This idiot figured doing that with her arm would be a good way to get out of detention. How that works biologically, I have no idea."

"Hmm... you must be incredibly willful to decide you'd literally rather rip off a limb than stay in detention," the old man says in an impressed tone.

"Taking inspiration from nature! I approve!" Suzie gives a thumbs-up.

"How is this not more concerning to both of you?" Momonoki mutters in disbelief.

…

I got whisked off to the infirmary in short order, somehow there as a patient for the second time despite my health never moving one tick from full.

Huh, so that's what healing magic feels like… I move around the arm that Buer just fused back on, having let him handle it rather than revealing yet another of my powers.

While he was doing that, I had explained to the old guy my side of the story, and Kalego backed me up on it, saying that it fit with what he knew about me.

As for Momonoki and Suzie, they headed out as they weren't needed, and I made sure to bribe them to quell rather than spread any gossip about today's events; I offered to later give them an exotic spell and plant respectively, just some simple stuff from my 'mysterious homeland'."

"… And so, I figured that it was suspicious that his dad wasn't more upset about the situation, but you're here now and you were clearly upset, so I guess it's back to square one…" my story finishes.

"Ah, you're mistaken there, I'm his grandfather. Pavel Pazuzu's the name, by trade I'm a soldier of the Southern Battlefield."

"His grandfather? That makes more sense. But then how'd you catch wind of that rumor from so far out?"

"From my general, Lord Baal of the Thirteen Crowns. I figure that you Thirteen Crowns families must keep a close eye on each other."

"Well, you can go right back and tell him he's keeping too close an eye!"

Kalego flicks my forehead. "He's not going to say that to one of the Thirteen Crowns. And here I was hoping that your tutor would improve your conduct somewhat."

Uh… Now would be a very bad time to tell him that Baal did… something to my tutor. But is he saying I got an etiquette teacher as a tutor? The nerve!

After giving Kalego a good long death stare, I turn back to Pavel.

"So, although this might be speaking ill of your family, is it possible that Pazuzu's dad — your son or son-in-law — is guilty of foul play here?"

"Actually, now that you suggest the idea, the rest seems pretty obvious," he replies.

"Obvious?"

"A militaristic dad has his son attempt to woo a militaristic girl, and fail. What do you think he'd suggest to his son to win her heart?"

"Uh… he wouldn't tell Zozo to join the military himself, would he?"

"Knowing my son, he likely would, 'specially if getting discharged for his injuries has him trying to live vicariously. It'd also explain Zozo going off-the-radar since new recruits aren't allowed to just phone home whenever they please."

"Sounds like that's it then!"

"It's a promising theory. Although…"

I brace myself for this moment of clarity to be ruined by some new realization.

"… Would you find it charming if my grandson wasn't just a talented artist, but a macho military man as well? Maybe my son's thinking isn't half-bad after all!" Pavel ponders in delight, the very picture of a nosy grandparent.

"Uh-umm…" Crap. I've never been in this situation before. It's one thing to tell off some upstart human noble who thinks he can woo a Demon Lord, or the overconfident jerks at this school, or even someone timid like Pazuzu… and if I was in Tempest, that's exactly what I'd do. But I've never had to tell a grandpa I don't want to date their grandkid!

And to make things worse, said kid was pretty much risking his life for my affection at the moment. My reputation's bad enough, I can't be callous about this!

[[His family is likely hopeful that dating a relative of the Three Greats will improve their social standing, aside from the clear military bias.]]

Hey, you know what? I can use that! All I had to do was be honest (for once).

"His art's really good, but nobody should be forced to fight if they don't want to. The fewer people who have to see stuff like that, the better," I say coolly. I still have flashbacks to the battle against the orcs occasionally. Watching Gobichi shred a bulldeer thigh for stew was never the same after that.

"Spoken like a true veteran, young lady," Pavel remarks with wistful approval.

"Mmm… Uh, but anyway," I brighten my expression up, playing into the 'innocent teen' act, "I don't mind being friends. I'm not really sure my Grandpa wants me to date right now anyway."

Haha, that was the trick here. Young nobles' relationships are usually heavily regulated by their families in the Cardinal World — the Netherworld is actually pretty different in that respect, Iruma and I don't have private tutors or anything commonplace for royalty, which we pretty much are.

Although, I don't think Sullivan has any expectations for Iruma to get involved in politics, and as for me — well, that was obvious. So maybe that would be different if we really were blood relatives; but either way, the "my grandpa said so" card works perfect here, and effectively shields me (and poor Pazuzu) from any further pressure.

"Ah, what a shame!" Pavel strokes his chin, "but I'm sure you'll come to see Zozo is a wonderful young man, and he will enjoy getting to know you. Lord Sullivan will see it too, in time!"

Yeah, good luck with that, old man. Time to change the subject. "So, if Zozo's been sent off to gain experience as a soldier, where do you reckon he is now?" I innocently ask.

"Assuming my son was clever about this, he'd have sent him to General Furfur in the north as it would be by far the safest option. He could train directly under General Furfur as he'd find Zozo amusing enough to keep around, and the Northern Battlefield is more rookie-friendly since its increased activity is partly because the spells and weapons used there are less devastating compared to the south."

"Alright then, to the Northern Battlefield! Let's bring Zozo back and put a stop to those rumors!" I cheer as I hop off of the cot.

Kalego immediately pushes me back onto it. "You will do no such thing! You maimed yourself and lost a lot of blood just to pull a prank on me, then with those injuries you ran laps through the school and got into a fight, and now you want to run headlong into even more danger?"

"But it wasn't blood, it was–"

"No excuses, Tempest. Bushenko, what would your recommendation be here?"

"I would have her monitored in here for several hours, and insist she does nothing strenuous until the weekend," Buer replies.

"Very well then. That is how it shall be, Rimuru."

"Confined to the infirmary again…" I grumble at the excessive concern. "You should stop worrying so much, I'm perfectly fine."

"That you take no care of yourself only means you put the burden on others," Kalego retorts, showing no signs of budging on this.

Buer nods in agreement. "I suspect that you have little to no sense of pain either, so you cannot even be trusted to know your own well-being."

"Yes, and even if you weren't confined to the infirmary, I would insist that you finish your detention and then double it for the nonsense you pulled."

Ugh, they're so annoying!

"Well… wanna make it a weekend trip to the Northern Battlefield, then?" I ask Pavel.

"That's fine, I ought to consult with my son about this and check that we understood the situation correctly."

**One Lengthy Infirmary Stay Later**

During dinner (held late due to my absence), Sullivan is regaling us with a story of what happened at work today, which isn't something he used to do since he's the type of grandpa to shelve anything serious or work-related in favor of fawning over his grandson.

I guess he's realized that Iruma's mature enough to be a good listener with those things, even if he enjoys being childishly spoiled too. Plus, he's got an almost-70-year-old 'granddaughter' around, so it might be for my sake as well.

[[Not that you don't also enjoy being childishly spoiled, Master.]]

Shush, I'm busy listening!

"… After spending the whole family meeting talking very poshly and rigidly like she had been told what to say — not by her family, oddly enough — she got her lines so badly mixed up that she accidentally said something very flattering about a boy she likes. Then the poor girl fainted in a fit of embarrassment," Sullivan concludes his retelling.

"Do demon girls have a fainting issue or something?" I ask. "There's Eiko, there's Keroli, and — no, Iruma, I don't count."

Instead of saying yes or no to my question, Sullivan just smiles.

"I see you've become very familiar with the students at my school."

So it was Eiko then. Then 'a boy she likes' must be Iruma, and she blurted out a confession in front of his grandpa and her own family… No doubt she begged for death to take her in that moment.

I may sometimes lament my genderlessness, but at least I'm not a teenager hopped up on puberty constantly bewildered by the beauty of my peers. Almost every day the students of Babyls come up with some reminder that hormones can be a curse, and Eiko seems to practice that art almost as much as her photography.

Then I realize something that sends a chill up my gelatinous spine.

If Eiko passed out, wouldn't she have been in and out of the infirmary while I had my body left asleep there? She must have gone wild with the photos!

[[She actually chose not to take any, as she felt sympathy in assuming you had passed out as well. Which just made you even more relatable and admirable in her eyes, as she declared to the nurse.]]

She's hopeless. Nothing can save her.

"Speaking of strange occurrences today, could you tell me why you were held late over the concerns of the teachers?" Sullivan asks, catching me by surprise. "Kalego's bizarre explanation didn't quite make sense to me."

Ah, of course he'd want to know. But it's embarrassing having to tell this mature grandpa-type that I got detained for messing around too much!

Hiding my feelings, I stand up and raise an arm. "Well, as a little prank I–"

"Not while we're eating dinner, Rimuru!" Iruma interjects.

"Er, right… I did this but made it look like flesh instead of slime:"

I flick Diablo a quick telepathic instruction, and he holds my arm while I pull myself in the other direction, letting the slimy limb come apart like cheese between slices of pizza.

Iruma looks annoyed even though I did the nice clean slime version of the prank without any blood, whereas Sullivan sighs and shakes his head.

Oof, tough crowd…

"After that they wouldn't accept that I was fine, even once I was 'healed'," I mumble as I sit back down and reassemble myself.

"As fascinating as your feats are, the teachers of Babyls are demons that can't harden their hearts towards children. I imagine their protective side could hardly stand seeing a delicate-looking student maim herself," Sullivan explains with a sorrowful look.

After having it explained, the guilt makes me shrink into my seat a little.

Imagining how that would have felt in my days as a teacher, if I grabbed onto one of those young kids and they tore apart like wet paper…

"I'll… I'll never do that again." I shudder.

"I'm glad you understand."

About a minute passes with no one saying anything, the dinner just quietly resuming around me.

Sullivan must feel a little guilty though about the somber mood and that I've stopped eating, as he changes the subject very abruptly:

"Anyway! On a different note, I hear you've found some admirers amongst the boys of the school! That must be rather amusing as Tempest's patriarch, wouldn't you agree?" he chortles.

Oh god, why?

I hear a utensil snap towards Diablo's end of the table.

"Actually, it's been like that the whole year," Iruma adds.

"Oh, some admiration from the sidelines is to be expected from anyone so pretty," Sullivan says with a glance towards Diablo who's placated again with the compliment towards me. "But I hear that one student is trying to properly court you~!" he teases.

You treacherous old fart! I know you wanted a subject change, but why this?!

While I was holed up in the infirmary, Pavel confirmed to the teachers that his son — Zozo's dad — did, in fact, encourage Zozo to run off to the military, then portrayed it as an unexplained disappearance so that nobody could contest his decision.

So Zozo really is out there in a vain attempt to win my nonexistent heart!

Well if you want a subject change, fine! Have one!

"What about Iruma though? There are so many girls with a crush on him!" I point out heatedly.

" "There are?!" " both grandson and grandfather blurt out, the latter quietly adding, "Then he was the boy Eiko was talking about?"

I point my dessert fork accusingly at Iruma. "You threw me to the mercy of the girls' tea party, and as amusing as it was, I had to listen to everyone talking about who you were gonna marry!"

"Um, that's… Rimuru, you're joking right?" Iruma asks me nervously.

"Haha, nope! Man, Satoru would've seethed with jealousy at your age."

"My darling grandson is going to be gobbled up in a way I didn't think to protect him from…" Sullivan whines.

"G-gobbled up?!" Iruma squeaks.

"What do Netherworld ruling families do in that kind of situation anyway?" I turn to Sullivan and inquire. "I mean, Benimaru married both of his suitors, and I feel like Ameri isn't the only girl trying to court–"

"AHH!" Iruma flails his hands at me in embarrassment. "Shush! Shaddup!"

Heeheehee~!

…

We're all feeling a little spent after a hectic day and our silly fun at dinner, so we end up watching a movie, really testing the span of the main couch with Iruma and myself nestled between Sullivan and Ciel, and Ranga sitting the other side of her getting blissful scritches with his head on her lap.

The two butlers on the other couch have the boon of not being packed like sardines, but I'm content to be cozied-up with this strange pretend-family.

The movie is one I picked out from Earthling media, chronologically matched to my own time-scale since I wanna stay hip and with the times, but strangely the most highly-praised movies in the 40's seem to be inspired by the sweet and sappy (and often cheaply-made) stuff from when Satoru was a young man. Which doesn't make sense to me at all, last I remember people were absolutely loving the trend of expensive CGI (wasn't there a big one about an alien forest?) but I'm sure a lot happened in the three decades of culture I've barely touched upon.

Anyway, sweet and sappy felt like the right mood for tonight. Iruma has been pretty quiet while we've been watching, but I think he's been enjoying it since he's definitely been paying close attention the entire time, seemingly very engaged with the story.

It looks like we're just about to get to the point in the movie where an estranged teen, the main character of the plot, will reunite with his parents after running off for a few months and going through a bunch of conflict along the way. Will it be a happy reunion? Will he be forgiven?

Well, obviously, that's how these movies are. But you know it's good if the anticipation still hooks you anyway!

Sure enough, the teenage boy is welcomed by his parents, leading to the expected sappy exchange.

"Did you really think we might not love you anymore? Come on, don't say something as silly as that."

"Even if we fight, even if you lose your way, we're your parents above everything else. We'll always be looking out for you."

I fidget in my seat at the doting scene.

Sheesh, it's so cheesy, but watching this while I'm away from Aoki makes me wish I could tell her how much I appreciate her!

[[I'll pass that request along to your other self.]]

Hehe, thanks!

Ciel starts patting my head, and I lean against her.

Then I hear a sniffle right next to me, so I peek at Iruma to see how he's holding up during the emotional scene.

He's not. At all.

With this instantly having all my attention, I sit up straight in a slight panic, not sure what's going on or what to do.

Uh, tears of happiness I would understand, but why does he look so sad?

Sullivan's now noticed as well. "Iruma, are you okay?" he asks, pausing the movie.

"I'm… w-why do they…" Iruma chokes out between pained sniffs.

[[I would suggest being small and huggable for him in this moment.]]

Usually I'd roll my eyes at Ciel trying to make me more cutesy, but I follow without hesitation, shrinking down to the size I first met Iruma in and hopping onto his lap to give him the biggest hug my now-tiny arms can manage.

He holds me tight, no longer holding back his sobs.

That's all I can do for him in this moment, and I quietly stay there for him until he calms down enough to tell me what's wrong.

A few minutes pass without anyone saying anything.

Eventually Iruma's breathing calms down, and his grip on me loosens somewhat. I give him a handkerchief to wipe his eyes and blow his nose, and he readily obliges.

"This is about the parents in the movie, isn't it?" Sullivan finally asks.

"Mmm…"

"I'm sorry…"

Iruma clenches his fists, shedding a bitter tear. "It's not fair for them to say all that stuff when my parents… I spent my whole life working to make them happy, and they just… threw me away!"

Sullivan's expression shifts slightly, now showing not just pity but also a deep sense of guilt.

It's obvious why: He must've offered Iruma's parents a massive amount of money they couldn't refuse, making them abandon their own child to a demon.

Though, I doubt the amount of money he put on the table was weighed against any kind of parental love. Those scumbags probably just calculated that it was more money than they'd make from Iruma over the rest of his childhood, and there'd be no guarantee he'd continue to funnel them money in his adult years.

I want to say I'm livid at them, but my anger isn't what Iruma needs right now.

"Since as early as I can remember… I gave up everything else so my parents would love me and could live easy lives, but they never loved me at all, so it was all for nothing…" Iruma mutters depressively.

I grit my teeth at those words. "It wasn't for nothing."

"What?"

"I said, it wasn't for nothing. You may not have gotten your parents' love, but in return you're earning everyone's love with that loyal and hardworking nature you honed for years. Just… that 'everyone' is here, with the demons, and with us."

"I guess you're right… There's Azz, Clara, everyone in the Misfit Class, all of you in this mansion… I'm so spoiled these days that it's hard to know what to think about what it was like just a year ago," Iruma says, his expression warming up a bit. "I guess I wouldn't be much fun if I was spoiled in the first place, would I?"

My shoulders droop in relief.

There's that smile of his.

He looks up at Sullivan. "Sorry, it probably sounds really mean to complain about being sold after you took me in…"

"There's nothing wrong with how you feel," I assure him. "Even if being bought by him was the best thing to happen to you, it can still hurt that you were sold. Both of those things can be true."

Sullivan nods in agreement. "I should be the one apologizing. Although I knew I was doing what was best for you, I should have considered the feelings of a fledgling being spirited away from his parents and sought a more fitting closure."

"But you did so much for me that day already, Grandpa! How could I have asked for more?" Iruma meekly asks.

"You deserved it! But since I failed, I'll have to think of other nice things I can do for you."

"I'm treated so well already though…"

"No, let me spoil you!"

They're gonna go in circles…

"Master Iruma, may I take that handkerchief to be cleaned and returned?" Opera requests, leaning in from behind the couch.

"Ah, thanks!"

Opera pauses to examine the embroidery.

"Who's Princess Zenobia?"

I flinch.

"Er, well, for some reason princesses keep giving me handkerchiefs…" I awkwardly say, knowing perfectly well what the reason is. I also decide to leave out that it's not just princesses, but princes too, that offer me things like that.

Iruma shoots me a glare. "Doesn't that mean they like you? Hey, how can you tease me about being popular with the girls when you've got that happening?"

"Oh my! Princesses? They must see you as quite the catch!" Sullivan chortles.

Not agaaain!