Author's Note: Try to guess which five real-world songs are being parodied within this chapter. First to guess all of them correctly gets a special prize!
Third-Person POV
Bare rock and hard clay is the terrain that makes up the hellscape of the Northern Battlefield, with countless battles blasting away any reminder that this is a life-bearing planet.
Nevertheless, trenches are still carved out of the solid terrain through the use of magic, as one such battle is going on today: A long-range skirmish between General Furfur's personal forces, and an enemy unknown to either Rimuru or Pavel, who are approaching from up-high in search of a missing teenager.
It appears that the battle today is an assault on Furfur's camp, as Furfur's side has tents and overlooks the enemy from a hill, the latter still an advantage even when all the soldiers can fly.
"Busy day, huh? Alright, let's see if that kid's here…" Rimuru says, hovering and peering off into the distance.
A moment later, Rimuru creates a magical screen in the air, which zooms in on Zozo and highlights the teen's position on the battlefield. He's in uniform and huddled behind a rock, clearly stressed out as he's holding his spear tight to his chest. Silently on the screen someone yells at him, and he hastily pulls himself back together, casting a spell that sends the demon soaring upward.
"There we go! Safe and sound — well, as much as one can be in a situation like this."
Pavel thoughtfully brings his hand on his chin. "I see they've decided to make use of his bloodline ability to create favorable winds. A modest use, but being able to have soldiers quickly ascend with an updraft is a decent boon to get from a rookie that I know doesn't have an ounce of bloodlust."
Then something suddenly sparks off of Rimuru's barrier. Several seconds later, there's a hail of gunfire being sent in their direction.
"Eugh, that feels kinda weird," Rimuru mutters, expanding the barrier from a skintight membrane to a bubble so that the bullets stop poking him all over.
Pavel chuckles, entirely unbothered from behind his own wind barrier. "But there's nothing like some useless firearms to make you feel powerful, right? It's like, uh, what did my son say… when you're too 'high level' for the enemies in a video game. You're a young 'un, did I get that right?"
"You got it! Anyway, should we go see Zozo now?"
"I don't think General Furfur would much appreciate me trying to pick my grandkid up in the middle of a battle, this ain't Babyls. We should do our part first."
"Mm, good point. Nonlethal to set a good example for said grandkid?"
"Ah, I've killed enough demons in my many years, so I think I'll take you up on that. Let's drop down and get closer instead of charging right in, then."
The two go down to the ground and approach the battle on foot, wandering through the low scorched-barren hills, but soon enough, they're tracked down by a small band of opposing soldiers in camouflage uniforms. Most of them go after Pavel, but one chooses to charge at Rimuru with a spear.
Rimuru catches the spear and throws it away, then telekinetically lifts the attacker into the air, the camouflage of the uniform giving way to teal and red.
"Hey, these uniforms are actually kinda nice without the cherusil spell they've got on them."
"What?" Pavel yells over the sudden noises of battle, zapping his opponents with electricity and then trying to blast them away with wind. A couple are knocked flat but another couple withstand it, so Pavel is clashing with them until Rimuru simply knocks their heads together.
Pavel then gawks at his accomplice, seeing him now dressed in the enemy's rather fancy uniform more like what you'd expect an officer to wear, a teal design with red details.
And the demon that attacked Rimuru is now stripped down to just his underwear, unlucky enough to also be the only one still conscious.
"As I was saying, they're nice uniforms, I just had to make a bit of adjustment for my size. Guess they've got some good tailors on their side," Rimuru remarks while putting on a cap which hides his long hair in a way that makes him look much more boyish.
"Hang on, you'll be targeted by our own side dressed like that!"
"That's the plan!" Rimuru smirks, "Why don't we go to the enemy's side and have a bit of fun?"
"You're planning subterfuge? Oh, dear… I love the idea, but I didn't get to this age by taking undue risks."
"Haha, live a little! I wouldn't suggest this if I thought it was too risky, I've got a good eye for strength and the strongest demons they have over there are too busy to deal with us."
Pavel smirks back. "Alright, twist my rubber arm why don't you…"
As he grabs the knocked-out demon closest to his proportions, Rimuru politely looks away.
The mostly-naked-and-telekinetically-suspended demon that attacked Rimuru attempts to warn his side about this, shouting "HEY! There's enemies coming in our uniform! Don't let–" before being flung unceremoniously in the direction of Furfur's camp.
"Hmm, still not a fan of telekinesis, the control doesn't feel as good as just grabbing things with– … Hey, uh… on a scale from 1 to 10, how weird would you consider a 'spell' to manifest tentacles?"
"Maybe like, a 3?" Pavel answers distractedly as he puts on pants.
"Looks like I'm in good company then!"
…
Completely casually, the two walk through the walled trench that most of their foes are gathered behind, Rimuru unspooling something as he goes and laying it out along the ground.
"So, you seem to already have a plan in mind. What is that stuff?"
"Firecrackers packed with a whole lotta magnesium."
"Fire… crackers?"
"You'll see! I've got a fire-resist spell on it so it doesn't get set off early by any random fireballs. Speaking of which…"
Rimuru carelessly lobs a few fireballs over the trench wall, pretending to make a contribution to the current battle of attrition. Pavel puts on a similar act, firing the sloppiest lightning he's fired in years.
"Don't waste your mana, men! Or, man and, uh… boy? Just aim your shots!" an officer scolds.
" "Understood!" " Rimuru and Pavel salute.
"Now, let's win this! For Demon King Iblis!"
" "For Demon King Iblis!" " Pavel and Rimuru echo as they continue walking past, and then shrug at each other cluelessly.
The two next pass behind a row of spellcasters firing off very basic projectiles, and Pavel gives a hum of approval.
"This is an excellent strategy against General Furfur, I reckon; he likes to fill his personal ranks with rookies and fast-track them into becoming valuable assets for the army as a whole, but rookies are easily cowed by weak long-range attacks. No need for this side to risk getting into spear range."
"So he surrounds himself with incompetence and exports competence, huh? Well, I can see that. Jazz and Allocer changed a lot from being tutored by him. Maybe he'll call some of his past subordinates as reinforcements if he's pinned like this."
"Ha! He probably wants to force those rookies to win on their own. Might even be annoyed with us if we tip the balance here."
"Tip the balance? Think bigger, old-timer. I intend to win this in one go," Rimuru says with a cunning grin, still spooling out the firecrackers as he walks.
"Now I just know you're being cocky! But, I'm far too curious to slow your roll. Let's see what happens."
One of the soldiers they pass by stares at them in concern.
"Hey, aren't those two like, really suspicious? What's that thing the kid is laying–"
Pavel roughly slams him against the side of the trench. "You think you can talk to us like that, worm ?!"
"Let's show him what his organs look like!" Rimuru menaces in a raspy tone, flashing a crazed smile and bladed metal claws, having immediately picked up on Pavel's intent.
The demon, too terrified to speak, drops to the ground as Pavel lets him go and continues walking along with Rimuru.
The two quietly grin to themselves until they're out of earshot.
"Now there's a fun trick for you to learn: With enough emotional control, you can put a tonne of killing intent into your aura even if you don't mean to harm someone, and it really messes with their heads when you just walk off with a smile after they expected imminent death," Pavel explains.
"I doubt I could control my aura that precisely…" Rimuru puts on a pout.
"Oh, that's just the troubles of being young! And by 'young' I mean less than a century!" Pavel laughs.
"Not you too!" Rimuru complains, "I get enough of that 'until you're a century old you're a baby' nonsense from my own family. I'm a perfectly respectable adult, thank you very much!"
Pavel looks at Rimuru in confusion, whose eyes go wide as he realizes what he just said. "… Er, most people in my homeland reckon adulthood starts at fifteen, and I'm roughly around that age now, so…"
"An adult? At fifteen ? That's wacky nonsense, you ain't even done growing yet!"
"Yeah, I suppose I have to agree that it's a bit silly. Only reason it's like that is because education and life expectancies were pretty low for the longest time, and society's norms haven't caught up with the improvements."
An officer grabs Rimuru. "Would you stop talking politics and just fight ?!"
"Aw, alright mister bossy. Time to show off a little number I haven't used in a while!"
Rimuru then whips out two oversized, many-barreled fireworks launchers, the same that swiftly ended the aerial fireworks battle during the Royal One opening celebration.
"Where were you carrying those?!" the officer yelps, but his question goes unanswered, drowned out by whistling fireworks and high-pitched maniacal laughter as Rimuru lets loose a whole barrage.
Pavel looks as though he wants to say something about how much firepower Rimuru is enthusiastically unleashing upon their allies, but because the officer would overhear he keeps his concerns to himself and just hopes that these strange whistling projectiles won't do any real damage.
They gently arc through the air for several tense seconds, then tumble, and… turn around?
"Behold! We're totally screwed!" Rimuru amusedly gestures towards the sky now filled with returning rockets of sparkly doom, grinning like a self-impressed lunatic.
The officer stares at Rimuru in disbelief. "… I hate new recruits so much."
He attempts to fly away from the imminent carnage, only for most of the rockets to inexplicably sway their path into him with shrill bangs and crackles, leaving him grounded and smoldering once the smoke clears.
"Was that you?" Rimuru turns towards Pavel with a smirk.
Pavel chuckles. "My, I would never assault a superior officer!" he says, playfully hiding his staff behind his back.
Soon enough, they reach the end of the trench, and now quite a few suspicious soldiers have their eyes on them.
"Put on these sunglasses, you'll need 'em," Rimuru says as he hands Pavel a pair and equips one himself. "We'll want to keep pace with the firecrackers as they go off, and the fuse burns fast, so to help set the pace I'll play a song that's three minutes and forty seconds long — that's how fast we'll want to run the length of the trench."
Rimuru sprouts a slimy tentacle holding a boombox, queuing up the medley: "Death Metal Concert Beats to Murder Demons To" .
"Those two are definitely traitors!" one of the soldiers yells out, a little too late as Rimuru hits the play button.
Zozo POV
The most amazing girl I've met hails from the Northern Battlefield, so here I am, trying to follow her example.
People really don't seem to appreciate how impressive Rimuru is, they understand that she's powerful but more in the way you'd look upon a rampaging kaiju than a fellow student.
And if they ever came to this place they'd appreciate her all the more, because…
I flinch at the sharp crack of something hitting the rock I'm hidden behind.
This battle is awful! I wanna go back to just spending my time painting!
All our other encounters in the short time I've been here have been chasing down smaller groups, where the battle is so in our favor that I don't personally need to get in harm's way or attempt to spill blood.
I'm still needed on the front lines for those because my wind magic helps with pursuit, but others are perfectly happy to do the actual fighting. I know I should , that's why I came here, but… I just find myself staring when an enemy demon is stuck by a spear, sometimes being captured and other times taken off to be burned.
I don't know if it's that I'm afraid I'll be hurt by the demon as they lash out, or if I'm afraid of what it'll be like if I find myself actually plunging a spear right into a delicate torso full of organs.
But in this situation, my first serious battle, my fear is a lot more obvious: If I expose myself, it's gonna hurt! There's so many people firing guns and magic at us that I can't do anything like this, besides cast my wind magic as people tell me to.
What would Rimuru do? Man, she'd probably just fight anyway…
Not like I could do much even if I was braver, though. A bit of advice we got from General Furfur, intended to embolden some and restrain others: 'One demon firing a gun at you is a deterrent you should just charge at and stab, but if you charge at a dozen your body will drop halfway there'.
Speaking of General Furfur, right now he's fighting out in the open, clashing with a couple other powerful demons so they can't just go up to and kill those of us who are pinned down. I guess the 'don't get shot to pieces' rule doesn't apply to the strong.
Like Rimuru, I suppose…
As I tremble behind my trusty rock (which I feel is getting less trusty by the minute with all the hits it's taking) I hear an odd whistling sound, quickly getting louder.
For once, I actually dare to peek out and see what it is since it's getting so loud that I feel it might be a bigger concern for my safety than the people trying to shoot me.
And what I see is a sky full of small rockets about to rain down on us!
Have I seen these before? Aaah! No time to think, just blow them away!
With all my might, I put mana into changing the direction of the wind. At this moment, I wouldn't trade my bloodline ability for any other (besides strong barrier magic, perhaps) because I actually manage to make the rockets turn back around and go back to the enemy's side.
Strangely, they hit as more of a flurry of bangs and crackles rather than the deadly explosions I was expecting.
Ah, I guess I didn't need to panic that much… but they really do seem familiar!
I duck down again before anyone shoots at me.
Some time passes, and while I'm still cowering with my heart racing in my chest, I feel a bit better now. I actually did something kinda, just a little bit brave.
But still, get me out of here!
Eventually, I hear some more bangs coming from the enemy's side, this time paired with flashes of light bright enough that I could see them from even behind cover.
But then I hear something far stranger.
"If you're ready to rumble, then, my adoring fans, let out your bloodthirsty roars! GRAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Is that… rock music?" a nearby soldier says in wonder, standing up as the pressure on us seems to have lessened somewhat.
"It's Gyari!" another exclaims.
Third-Person POV
Spears are blindly pointed at the incoming wave of loud music and magnesium flashes, only for the demons holding them to be smashed to the ground by what they can only assume is a small army leading a surprise attack.
It is, in fact, just two demons, who in this moment might be the coolest in the Netherworld.
"99 reasons to fight, we'll cut like fire through blackest night!
Not one for peace, I'm built for war, against you old pretentious bores
Panicked demons flood the streets, flee like critters, helpless bleats!
See it through a kaiju's eyes, there's 99 ways for them to die"
The two veterans have a beautiful scene of chaos reflected in their sunglasses, violence illuminated in the vivid colors of magic and the bright white of firecrackers.
Feeling inspired to use a wider range of spells than his usual, Pavel tries out one he's been working on for some time, energizing the air and then firing red beams of light that get brighter as they travel.
"Woah! Isn't that a laser?" Rimuru exclaims, impressed.
"What's a laser?" Pavel replies. "But look! I can do other colors!"
A full rainbow of beams is fired, each one scorching the ground (or setting clothes on fire) where it impacts.
Pavel giggles like a schoolboy amused with his own antics, before dismissing the spell since it's so mana-inefficient.
"A killer in disguise
And a demdol guise
Memories flash before their eyes
Memories flash before their eyes
Make me walk away
To meet again someday
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives"
The row of spellcasters that Rimuru and Pavel passed earlier begin a group conjuration, intending to summon an explosion right in their path.
The two get the same idea, and start casting the same spell, forcing themselves into the group conjuration and moving the target towards the spellcasters, who quickly scatter and lose their hold on the spell.
*KABOOM*
The stone shrapnel sprays so violently that the fragments cause puffs of dust on their own, making even Pavel reflexively duck low.
When Rimuru looks back at him, he decides to play it cool like he stopped to cast a spell, firing a blast of lightning down the path.
Rimuru decides to have a bit of fun by dipping his hand in the electric current like one would a stream, somehow stealing some of the raw power of the lightning.
"Eheheheh, c'mere!" he taunts, making zappy grabby-hands and giving the nearest soldier a nasty shock.
"Now everybody say yippee yo and yippee yeah!
I just met an alien and he is kinda crazy
Best fighter in the universe when he's not being lazy!"
"The hell are these lyrics?!" another soldier yells, right before a translucent blue tentacle picks him up and viciously slams him into the ground faster than he can react.
"Gyari improvises all her songs, so she never knows what she's gonna say next! Just like I have no idea what this spell is gonna be! Ahahahahahaaaa!" Rimuru laughs maniacally as he points his hand out and gives Ciel the go-ahead to join in the fun.
The spell ends up being a local shift in the axis of gravity, turning the fight into a downhill battle that sends soldiers tumbling and somersaulting into their peers for even more mayhem.
"Thanks girl! Running downhill's easier on my joints!" Pavel says, using his wings to semi-glide. "Hey, if we're showing off spells then check this out!"
Pavel waves his staff and lifts up all the dropped spears that he passes by. Then he turns them invisible and makes them all home-in on non-vital points of a powerful enemy officer.
Half-blinded by the firecrackers bursting in Pavel's wake, the officer doesn't pick up on the attack at all and is skewered by every spear.
"Don't worry, he'll live!" Pavel assures Rimuru, who grins back.
"The blood slakes off (slakes off of my scythe)
Wings take off (here to reap your life)
Slay me!
Bring me down before I spell your doom"
Soldiers are now trying to fly away from the path of carnage, but once exposed in the air they're pelted by fireballs and bullets from Furfur's side until a sudden violent gust of wind sends them tumbling back down to be brutalized by Rimuru and Pavel.
"Haha! Looks like my boy just helped us out!"
The remaining soldiers in the trench have seen what's coming, and have done their best to prepare for it, forming a wall of guns, spears, and defensive spells. They've even identified the firecrackers as the source of the blinding and severed the fuse.
But they aren't prepared.
Rimuru has been picking up any bludgeoning weapons he's come across with his tentacles, and now carrying several hammers and maces, the formation is simply an easy target that's broken apart the moment it comes within his extensive reach.
"I won't slow down
Now fear me!
Blow away the crowds with old and new
I won't stop
Believe me!
'Till the sky falls down I'll rain abuse"
Outside the trench, having been fighting between themselves for a while now are the three strongest members of the two armies: General Furfur, the axe-wielding enemy commander, and his bodyguard.
All are aware someone's approaching because of the music, but they're too distracted with each other to give it their full attention.
"Let's take them on! We're going for the win!" Pavel yells out, taking to the air.
Rimuru darts ahead, his opening move to fling his hammers and maces business-end-first, then withdraw his tentacles to take a more lithe form (attaching the boombox to his back).
Pavel at the same time uses a spell to melt the rock beneath the clashing demons, and while lava isn't particularly dangerous on its own for them, the brief interruption in their movement; not standing on solid ground, nor having any airspeed; allows Rimuru's attack to land true.
It was the commander's bodyguard who took all the hits. He goes down, his insides feeling thoroughly pulverized.
It's three-versus-one now, and Furfur quickly recognizes that despite the enemy uniforms, these two new arrivals are fighting on his side.
"Couldn't take me down on your own, hegemonic swine?" the commander snarls.
Blood then erupts from the wounds he's accrued during the fight, flowing towards his axe.
Swinging with a wild kind of elegance, he traces arcs of crimson magic through the air, staking all of his remaining energy on this one final move.
The patterns burst outwards, cleaving through rock like butter with the exposed surface momentarily boiling .
It's a move that even the veteran Pavel is wowed by, and Rimuru doesn't leave it up to chance that the old man will weave his way through the gaps. Their sunglasses are knocked off as he hastily tackles Pavel to the ground, with one of the arcs of death passing not even an inch above Rimuru's hair and destroying the boombox he had on his back.
Furfur was a lesser concern for Rimuru, but he too managed to narrowly avoid being chopped to bits. He only looks shaken for a moment though as he sees that the commander is in a stupor with all his mana and much of his life force spent.
*POW*
And with a solid punch to the face, the battle is concluded.
Zozo POV
With the song finished, the enemy's side has gone eerily silent, the chaos from just a moment ago feeling like a lie.
I can't even see what's going on over there through all the dust and smoke. Us soldiers are moving in that direction, some confidently jogging or gliding past the veil, and some like myself moving slowly with trepidation.
"Hey! They're all down! Get all the rope you can!" someone who went ahead yells from out-of-sight.
Down as in, unconscious? Uh… that's good, I might have panicked if we were about to find a whole bunch of dead–
I freeze as I come across what is definitely a corpse. I reflexively look away, but the image is already burned into my sight, a body with a shredded torso surrounded by the remains of its own organs.
"Wow, talk about bad luck," a soldier near me named Ace (no way that's his real name) comments. "Those explosive javelins we use are great for spooking the enemy, but they almost never hit anything at this range. Almost never."
He then notices my reaction, and slaps my back. "Hey, toughen up already, rookie! If you throw up again you'll be the height of uncool."
Ugh, I haaate this…
I shake my head to snap out of it, and then I press onwards since Ace is starting to leave me behind.
Then suddenly, darting out from the corner of my vision, I see an enemy soldier!
I spot the glint of a knife held by what looks to be a young boy, and he moves so fast that before I can even raise my spear to defend myself he shoves me to the ground.
Now he's on top of me, a crazed, gleeful look in his eyes and his knife raised to stab me.
I scream.
Ace sighs exasperatedly as he turns back around.
"What is it– Oh shit!"
He instantly chucks his spear at the boy, but it just bounces off and clatters to the ground.
The boy laughs in a loud girlish voice. Then he takes his cap off, long hair spilling out.
Finally, I realize who I'm looking at.
"Wait… Rimuru ?!"
She grins. "I had to get you back for when you spooked me!"
"Oh, I see, this is the girl you mentioned. Sorry for trying to impale her," Ace says jokingly.
Rimuru hops off of me (a mercy with how intimate that position was!), and as I sit up I now see another familiar face approaching, also in enemy uniform.
"Zozooo! Did you think your old man was cool out there?"
"Grandpa! You're here too?"
"Whew, I never thought the most fun battle of my life would come in my latter years. Rimuru wanted us to win all on our own without killing anyone, and she made us look fantastic doing it!"
He then gives me a nudge and a wink, quietly adding "I can see why you like her."
"U-uh, yeah… But why are you here? I thought you fought in the south, and I heard Rimuru's not a soldier anymore."
"We're here to drag your butt back to Babyls! Winning the battle was just compensation for taking a soldier away," Rimuru declares smugly.
"But… Dad said I should–"
"Listen. First, I don't want you going this far to impress me, but mainly, your absence has caused some, er… problems ."
Ace gives me a pitying look, no doubt thinking about how silly it looks that the girl I came here to become stronger for has shown me up like this.
This couldn't have gone worse, could it? I wanted to impress Rimuru by showing that I could be cool, brave and strong as well, but she proved I wasn't any of those things by showing how far above me a true warrior is. And now she's here to bail me out of my dumb decision.
Yet I don't find myself agonizing over my failure, because the feeling I keep pushing down is that it actually could have gone worse than this. In one horrifying, obvious way that makes my stomach twist in a knot. This isn't a place where cowards like me become manly; this is where we go to be slaughtered .
"It's all too much out here, isn't it?" Rimuru softly asks me, a worried look in her eyes.
She spared me from admitting it myself. "Mhm…"
"Well, don't let anyone give you a hard time, we were all wet behind the ears once."
She nudges Grandpa, and he steps forward, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Let's sit down somewhere, eh kiddo?"
I nod and head off with him, and Rimuru strikes up a conversation with Ace as I'm leaving.
"Hey you, should we expect a celebration?" she asks the soldier. "If there's one thing I miss about war, it's the feeling of a well-deserved victory afterparty."
"We do those, yeah," he replies.
"Do you do them big ?"
"We do them big. General Furfur's a total party animal."
…
Sure enough, after I've had time to calm down and all the prisoners have been escorted away by a group of Border Patrol demons, a party springs up back at the camp where myself and Grandpa have settled down.
Even though it's still the afternoon, libations are liberally going around, everyone loosening up as though the day's events never happened.
"What's the man of the hour doing way out here? Come'n join us!" a friendly-looking demon asks, holding two tankards of beer.
Grandpa grabs one of them. "Nah, I'm just keeping my grandson company. It's his first proper battle, so he's a little shaken."
And only, I hope.
"Your grandson? Oh! I see the resemblance! Well, I just wanted to thank you for helping us out, sir. And in such an inspiring way too! I'll admire you forever!"
"Thank the girl, that whole plan was her idea."
"I will, sir! When I can get a word in edgeways, that is, haha!"
The demon leaves to join the crowd that I now notice is gathered as much around Rimuru as they are around the food and drink.
For someone so unpopular in the school of late, she sure is popular here, for once wearing the prideful expression that a rank-Vau student should have.
She takes a swig of beer, and the crowd laughs at her foam mustache, then she laughs too.
I can't help but stare longingly for a while, and sigh.
Wait a second…
"Why's she drinking beer?" I ask Grandpa.
"Hmm? Oh, seems she is. In the middle of the afternoon, how awful!" Grandpa guffaws, then takes a swig himself.
"I… what? I meant she's even younger than me…"
"Well, you've got a point there, drinking's bad for your health."
"Then we should–"
"You missed the joke, m'boy!" he scoffs. "If that was the worst thing for your health out here, all these folks wouldn't be celebrating surviving the day now would they?"
Oh. Right, that's kinda obvious…
I look around at all the jovial celebrations. "Is it still scary even for the proper soldiers?"
"Yeah, this is just how we deal with it. We let loose to forget about our fear and find the courage to make it through the next day. Soldiers have some pretty terrible habits, haha!"
He looks wistfully at Rimuru. "Not that she seemed worried at all. She must've rolled the dice so many times already that a little skirmish like today was a joke to her."
"Today was a 'little skirmish' to you?" I ask in disbelief.
"You want to see how we fight in the south? Hey, let your old man show off a bit!"
He leads me to a point overlooking the now-empty enemy trenches.
"Now listen, when armies of strong demons go against each other, they don't use flimsy things like guns or Raffire. They use things like this!"
He points his staff at the trenches, dense magic swirling from the handle to the crystal ball at the tip.
"Effervescence!"
A beam of pale yellow streaks out, and bubbles into a sphere where it lands.
Then once it fades, everything within that sphere has been seemingly erased .
"Uh, i-is this your way of convincing me to give up on being a soldier?" I ask, unable to hide the disturbance in my voice.
"Nah, this is just me showing off to my grandson! Besides, I can already tell this isn't where your heart belongs. You love your art, don't you?"
"Mhm…"
"Then that's what you should pursue. Don't listen to the silly things your dad says! You'll be an adult in just a few years, you need to do what you think is best for yourself."
He ruffles my hair, even though I've gotten taller than him.
"Grandpa…" I mumble, warmed by his words.
"Pavelll! I give that 6 points! Powerful and practical!" Furfur cheers from a distance, sloshing his drink as he raises it in the air.
He must've followed us, and now a bunch of soldiers are gathering round as well after noticing the spell.
Furfur, seeing an opportunity, waves his hand and makes a bunch of stone targets pop up across the former battlefield.
"Well, you know what to do!"
It soon turns into a game, with soldiers taking potshots at the targets as a way of showing off their magic.
About half of it is Raffire, though Furfur only gives 1 or 2 points for those (when he bothers to give a score at all) since he seems to find it boring.
Once it's my turn, the mood's rubbed off on me a bit, so I find myself wanting to show off.
It's always been rather easy for me to make mana move and take effect as I want it to, since it's kind of like moving a brush to make what you envision take form.
So, for my spell, without a chant I guide two lines of mana at a target then hit it with both fire and ice. It's not very powerful, since everyone else who hit managed to destroy their target, but Furfur seems to like it anyway.
"Haha, 3 points for creativity! You'd need more than a basic knowledge of Gran to block a move like that."
"Ooh, that was pretty cool!" Rimuru exclaims from right next to me, and I jump a bit in surprise as I didn't realize she was there.
"Ah, h-hey, Rimuru!"
"Well well well! It's the champion of the day!" Grandpa greets her.
"Nawwwh, you did just as much!" she replies, the young girl bumping her refilled-to-the-brim tankard against his and then taking a long swig.
This is surreal! Well, I did want to find out what she was like as a person.
"Oho, I'll let a youngster have more of the credit. Wanna join in our game? I'm keen to see what spells you've got up your sleeve."
"Okay! Kablam!"
Without hesitation, Rimuru casually blasts a streak of black lightning from her palm and explodes a few targets; besides what Grandpa casted, it's the most violent spell yet.
A first-year student is that powerful?
"5 points!" Furfur scores her.
But Grandpa frowns. "Hmm, a bit of a letdown."
"Now now, she's a kid, what did you expect?"
"That's not what I mean. Rimuru, you must know a lot of great spells, right? Yet all you did was stick your hand out and will destruction. Show me what you're really capable of!"
Rimuru is a little shocked at first that she was called out, but Grandpa's encouragement gives her a giddy smile.
"Alright! Everyone, get a gooood look!" she announces, slightly slurred, and then begins a dramatic spell.
Magic swirls around her, tousling her now ethereal-looking hair. Her single outstretched arm is ringed by floating runes that shift and rewrite as she concentrates, and once her expression becomes determined, I know it's go-time.
"Explosive Hyper Accelera-oop!"
Right as she casts the spell she stumbles, eyes flickering red and her aim going way off.
The air wavers and glows in a line going way over the target area, instead into the mountainous spires in the distance.
One such spire glows neon orange, and–
*SPLAT*
Turns into liquid, splattering across the landscape in an instant and painting a hundred other spires in quickly-cooling molten rock.
The most uncanny part is that despite the massive scale, it all happened as quickly as a water balloon bursting.
I'm left staring in disbelief for a while.
"Oops," Rimuru smirks, more amused than apologetic
"What in the world was that?!" Grandpa yells.
"An acceleration spell! Hehe, y'see, heat is–"
"You accelerated the collateral damage! If that landed short we would've gotten a spray of lava without a chance to defend ourselves!"
"Boo, you criticize me for casting a normal spell and criticize me for casting a fancy one, don't be an… an grumpy ol' man!"
"7 points!" Furfur butts in. "Sorry, ya lost some for making this region's landscape even shittier."
Rimuru gulps down the last of her beer, then drops the tankard and sticks her hands out, already casting another spell. "10 points, 'ere we goooo!"
I grab her arms and aim them into the sky right as she fires off a dark, swirling mass of magic.
We watch for a while as it goes higher and higher into the air, slowly fading out of view.
Grandpa gives me an approving nod, Rimuru a frown.
She must not be very attentive though as she doesn't react when I go behind her and start pushing her back towards the party.
"You're too drunk for this, go play with the others. Uh, sorry."
"Okaaaaay…" Rimuru drawls. "I'll go meet the pretty ladies that were there."
Maybe I have actually gotten a little more self-assured, I guess the seriousness of this place puts my panic in the school into perspective. Or maybe I'm just grouchy and tired.
Or maybe, just maybe, the madness of this place and these people have caused me to stop overthinking things.
Rimuru POV
"Um, I'm flattered, but hearing that from a girl…"
"Aren't you a little young to be flirting with us? I'm 62."
"62?" I gasp. "But you don't look a day over 20!"
" And I'm straight."
Phooey.
My attempt to sidle up to the two demonesses, win their affection, then get cuddled and doted on ended up being a total bust.
[[You've certainly gotten spoiled over the years due to that endearing nature of yours.]]
But being tipsy makes me wanna be clingy! Cieeelll, I wish you were here with a body n' all…
[[ Far too spoiled.]]
Ciel seems to cheer up with my attention on her though.
Anyway, before I can slump over the table for naptime, a loud burly man makes his presence known.
"You three having some girl gossip?" Furfur chuckles as he arrives, the two girls making a spot for him between them.
Ugh, I'm jealous. So jealous. It's not fair!
"Oh, this girl was just… telling us some stories!" one of the women lies to let me save face.
"Stories, huh? Hey, why haven't I heard any stories about you, Rimuru? If you can do awesome things like what you did today, it's weird that I never heard about you when you were a soldier in the north."
"That's 'cause I was itty-bitty back then!"
"You're itty-bitty now ."
"I was ittier-bittier. This size."
I shrink to a 12-year-old form, my clothes suddenly a little oversized on me instead of shrinking to fit.
Cieeel!
[[Adorable.]]
I go back to normal size in a huff.
"Oh, now I get it. No commander would admit to having a little girl as an underling, 'specially not a runaway noble…"
For a moment Furfur seems sobered by the realization, only to then laugh and slap his knee.
"Hahaha, but please don't shrink yourself like that again! You're gonna make me remember all the nonsense you did in the Harvest Festival! Let me bask in the image of the cool soldier who saved the day, before I have to remember she's a total gremlin."
"Screw you! You were watching that?!" I grab a haunch of meat from the table and annoyedly tear into it.
"Aw man, you ruined the image…" Furfur mutters in mocking dejection. "But yeah, most of us tutors were having a great party while watching you lot. That Bachiko sure got riled up when I said your brother didn't stand a chance! I got a good laugh out of seeing her so smug afterwards."
"Don' undereshtimate mah bwother!" I stop to swallow my mouthful of food. "He'll always rise to a challenge, having you detract him must've just made him stronger and more powerful!"
I nearly topple my chair backwards during my dramatic statement.
"Haha, are you saying I should be even meaner to him?" Furfur chuckles, his grin getting wider when he sees my scowl.
"Just kidding!" he innocently wiggles his hands. "So anyway, what's the story with you and that boy Zozo? I get his side of things, but not yours."
"What's it look like to you?"
"Boy likes a military girl, girl says no, boy joins the military himself, girl chases after him to…?"
I sigh. "Tell him he's being foolish, that I only like the fairer gender, and that he needs to come back to Babyls to stop the rumors that I murdered and ate him."
"The fairer gender? … BA-HAHAHAHAHA! HE JOINED THE ARMY TO IMPRESS A LESBIAN! A clown like that should'a joined the circus instead!" the drunken general roars with laughter.
Not so loud, you jerk!
That was at a volume where everyone could overhear, and I crane my head around to see if either of the Pazuzus took notice.
Pavel has the look of someone crossing out plans in his head, whereas Zozo is mortified and flustered.
"Guess she wasn't interested in your little Zu!" Furfur yells towards them, and now I'm even embarrassed to be sitting with this drunken loudmouth.
Was he saying that to Pavel… or Zozo?
"You're so mean!" one of the women giggles, giving him a playful slap.
I feel like apologizing to Zozo for that, but I'm not in any state for comforting a delicate-hearted teenage boy. Instead, I just hold out my tankard as the refills come my way.
After I've sipped enough to clear the foam though, I realize I'm starting to nod off, my reflection in the drink looking almost asleep.
Noo, I'll look silly if I doze off… Ah! I know what to do! A game will keep me up! One that'll shut this brute up too…
"Hey Furfurrr! Betcha I can drink you under the table! I'll get us started!"
[[The odds of you beating him in this are–]]
"Never tell me the odds!" I yell, and proceed to throw one back.
"Now just a second missy!" Furfur protests while I'm busy downing my whole drink in one go. "Doing risky adult work means you get to party with the adults, but I'm not playing that game with a teenage girl. I'd look like a total bad guy after you get sick!"
I slam the empty tankard on the table. "I dun' get sick! Just ask Jazz next time y'see him. 'Cuz you're his… you're 'is tooter!"
I lapse for a few moments after that, staring at nothing while I try to remember where my thoughts were going.
"I was a tutor once… the headmaster was a real bitch though, he kept tryin'a have me assass… assasniate… stabbed t'death. So I ate 'im."
"You hate him?" Furfur smirks.
"Yeeahh! He was… so scary! And I'm like 'go away scary man, you got forever-killed' when I have those dreams."
"That's… wow. You're sure messed-up, huh?"
"Last night I dreamed I was a kijin! And Shuna thought it was suuuper cute, but I didn't really see the diff'uh'rence 'cept I had horns."
I lazily flop to my side, feeling myself hit something soft and fluffy. Ranga's such a good boy.
"The heck's a kijin?"
"Kijin're friendsss…" I happily murmur.
…
Zzz…
…
Oops, I must've drifted off. It got quiet and warm, no wonder.
I snuggle into whoever's holding me, not bothering to open my eyes.
Iruma POV
"I'm home!" I call out with a hefty tome held to my chest, exhausted after all the acting I had to do today.
But only the butlers greet me. "Where is everyone?" I ask them.
"The Thirteen Crowns–" Opera begins.
"I saw Ciel carrying Lord Rimuru to his room. His sleeping figure is always so adorable!" Diablo delightedly interjects, looking as close to 'squeeing' as an ancient demon can be.
"Right. As I was about to say, the Thirteen Crowns were urgently gathered. The matter is likely classified, but he may explain if you ask over dinner."
"They haven't figured out that Rimuru's a Demon Lord, have they?"
"If it got out, Border Control would be on our doorstep already. There are elements within the organization who desire a 'pure' Netherworld with only 'regular' demons, and shun any other intelligent beings however rare or powerful."
"Oh, I see."
Opera must really dislike them. I guess it's because of what Azz and Allocer told me, about how Three Greats families like ours have a special role to play in interacting with things that aren't demons.
I look down at the tome that I was given today. "I wonder if it has anything to do with the history in this?"
Earlier, I made good on our end of the deal to trade stories with Thoth, putting on a performance of First Love Memories.
Allocer, who came with me in hopes of acquiring rare knowledge, helped me act out the frequently-lovey-dovey scenes (the strangest five hours of my life). For our efforts, Thoth gave us an ancient tome he had dug up to help us perform Chordia's Requiem.
"If you're going to perform such an obscure piece of history, then make it accurate! I can't stand careless historians who start myths!" he had insisted.
The original copy was written over twenty-thousand years ago, detailing a time period even further back that to the writer was ancient but not forgotten as it is today.
Not forgotten, because back then there were still a few demons who could give firsthand stories about that time. And that included some things about Chordia's life.
But what little I've read, I can't understand it at all! The version of Chordia's Requiem that Thoth told the class was nice and simple, yet this one assumes the reader understands an entirely different Netherworld to the modern one it's taken all my effort to get used to!
It's full of words that Grandpa's magic can't translate to something meaningful for me, and characters acting on a logic I can't follow.
Allocer would definitely have an easier time reading it than me, though I wanted to bring it home just for today to see what my folks would think.
The tome seems to have grabbed Diablo's interest. "Oho, what's this you have here?"
He takes it from me, and flips through the pages.
"Keh-heh-heh. I remember that. — Oh, so that's what happened! — Ah, this is new to me, I hadn't left Hell for a while back then…"
Just how old is Diablo?!
...
A/N: "praise Bella heaps and give her headpats"
(trust me, she deserves it for all her help :) - Mu)