Hello everyone, Calborghete here, how are you all? Here's another chapter for you.

Don't forget to like the page on Facebook, the direct link can be found on my Fanfiction profile page, or if you prefer, search for "Calborghete" and find an image of Shinji and Asuka. On this page I will post updates and it will also be easier for you to contact me.

So without further ado, read on.

"Dialogues"

- Thoughts -

"Radio Talk

"Self-talk."

Responsibility note:

Evangelion, its characters and setting are the property of Hideaki Anno. Any brands, films and series mentioned in this fanfic are the property of their creators.

(*)

Chapter 10

The sun was shining on the outskirts of Tokyo 3. As usual, some people were going about their business, others were going about their business or just walking quietly, peaceful times now that the world was at peace again after all the remaining angels had been killed, for a small group of people the day was extremely hectic, but for the great masses it wouldn't get in the way of their days.

For these little people before the world, this would be the final day, but for Shinji, this was being extremely distressing, with slow steps he approached towards his house, in his hands he had an iron bar.

"Shinji, will you listen to me?" She was anxious and afraid, the look on Shinji's face was making her afraid, it was getting worse every day, every day Shinji was heading towards insanity.

Finally arriving at his door, Shinji walked towards one of the pieces of furniture, looked around as he remembered Kaworu from every corner of his eye, he was his friend, his brother, the only person who had supported him in his worst moment, this all seemed like a big bad joke, why was this happening to him? Hadn't fate punished him enough?

His face was tired, his eyes sported dark circles and an untrimmed beard, he looked completely lost, his mind was destroyed by what he had been through, calmly he adjusted the gun at his waist, he hated being watched, he hated the feeling of people looking at him, he didn't trust anyone at this time.

That's what you get for opening up, Kaworu was right, they would never be the same as before, a lot had changed in the fourteen years he had spent before returning to WILLE, before returning to this cursed world that represented the EVAS and all that it meant.

Clenching the metal bar in his hand, Shinji walked slowly through the apartment, each step giving him more pain, soon the sound of another step approaching him, turning his head to the side he could see Asuka standing on the other side of the room, she had a tense look on her face, why did she have that face if she already had Kensuke? Why was she here? To hurt him even more? He felt anger at the strong jealousy in his heart, he clenched his hand tighter around the iron bar, the gun at his waist felt heavier with each passing second.

"Shinji?" Asuka walked around the apartment in fear, she could see that he was upset, very upset, his eyes were wide in anger and repressed hatred, she still didn't know what the angel had done in his mind, but none of it looked good. Outside the small house, Kensuke waited to take action, but left it to Asuka.

"Please calm down, let's talk." Asuka spoke calmly as she raised her hands in a sign of peace, she didn't want him to misunderstand her signals, why was he acting like this? She didn't understand why.

"Calm me down?" He says calmly as he runs the tip of the metal across the small wooden table, his voice was calm which made Asuka even more uncomfortable, he was always anxious, afraid, his voice was always agitated, but now, he was calm, controlled, frighteningly controlled.

"Why should I do that?" He says as he focuses his sad eyes on Asuka, she didn't move, but she was ready.

"What you saw wasn't reality." She tried to calm the man down, but it didn't seem to have the desired effect.

"Real? That seems very real to me." He said as he dragged his piece of metal further, he would never hurt Asuka, but now he was very angry, with a long sigh he looked up at the ceiling, his mind still remembering everything that had happened.

"What I see seems real enough to me."

Asuka frowned as she thought about how she could calm Shinji down, but that seemed to get more and more lost in his madness.

"For God's sake, Shinji! Stop it! You're making me afraid."

"Don't stay." Shinji says as he sits down on one of the chairs, placing the iron bar calmly on his lap, his eyes never leaving Asuka.

"I'll never hurt you, but this isn't for you or anyone else, it's to protect me." Says Shinji with a fixed gaze on Asuka, his face was intense, but his voice was still cold and calm.

"Should I worry?" Shinji asked with a sadistic smile on his face, Asuka looked at her still with a slight concern, he seemed to be on edge, his eye patch shining with the anxiety that ran through his body.

"You know I don't mean you any harm, you know that." Asuka says as she stands in the doorway, her eyes focused on Shinji, even if only once.

"Shinji, please listen to me." She tried, but judging by Shinji's posture it hadn't helped her at all.

"I don't want your help or anyone else's!" He said as he slapped his hand on her leg, Asuka jumped when she heard that, Shinji looked at her as he softened his posture, then he went back to speaking more calmly.

"I don't need your help, but you know why?" He says as he quickly points the metal pipe at Asuka, and calmly begins to speak.

"The world has only hurt me, people have only hurt me and why? Some kind of sadism or bad joke and that doesn't change the fact that people are like that and I finally opened my eyes, and I opened them very wide."

"And all that wasn't true, you have to know that! Let us help you!" Asuka spoke a little more angrily, her eyes glazing over with anger, but she managed to control herself very well at this point as the glare returned to normal, and with a long breath she raised her hands again.

"Please listen to me."

"Stop playing with me!" Shinji shouts as he gets up, his face screaming in anger at everything he had trapped, his face burning with rage and jealousy.

"My eyes don't lie to me! My mind doesn't lie to me! I only believe what I can see and you still want me to believe that it was all a lie!" His hand tightly gripping the barrel, his mind screaming to finally give in to his most animal moment, to end it all in one fell swoop.

(*)

They could hear the sound of intense conversation inside, but both decided to stay outside, just as Asuka had asked.

"Aren't you going to do anything?" Mari asked fearfully, these days hadn't been easy, but she wanted to be able to do something about it, even though she had already opened up so much to people and now it didn't seem to help.

"Because Asuka asked for it, and we're going to wait." Kensuke spoke as he tried to listen to what was going on inside, but he could hear nothing but faint whispers.

"It's easier for someone with a kind face to talk to him, I bet it wouldn't have the same effect on you or me." Mari spoke calmly, but her face was sad. Kensuke looked at the face of the woman he had lived with for so many years in the red earth.

"What upsets me the most is the fact that just after the two of them had become more intimate again and something like this happens, man, he doesn't deserve that." Kensuke said, still standing in front of the front door.

"But it's only temporary, he'll calm down, I'm sure of it." Mari said anxiously, but deep down she knew that wasn't possible, he was too hurt to see things through different eyes, she wished Kyoko or Yui were here to help him, but that was really a thing of the past.

Kensuke looked at Mari with a slightly wide-eyed look, he wanted to have Mari's optimism for situations like this, with slight anger he began to speak, even though his expression wouldn't be like that, deep down he hated getting angry with people he was close to, but both in the red land and now they had arguments, but nothing that serious.

"Temporary!? Mari, can you hear me? I'm afraid of what all this has done to his head! I wonder what..."

LOUD SOUND OF BROKEN GLASS.

Both Kensuke and Mari rushed into the small apartment. A few guards from session two were ready in the background, but Misato's orders were clear: only intervene in clear cases of danger.

(*)

A few months earlier.

Kaworu was sitting in front of Misato's desk, he had an arrogant but sympathetic smile on his face, he really wanted to be able to go home and relax a bit, his angel part was screaming to put an end to these Lilin, but for Shinji's sake he would put up with it.

"Well, we'll have to see what modifications NERV made to its construction." Ritsuko spoke as she received the first reports from unit 13, she looked at Kaworu with suspicion, he had still fought for NERV in all the years he had spent in the war in the red land.

"I bet there's nothing different." Kaworu spoke indifferently, Misato analyzed him all the time, this was the first time she was going to talk to him.

Kaworu could sense people's AT fields and Misato's was precisely a hostile one, so with a small sigh he asked.

"Commander Katsuragi, I can sense your hostility towards me." He said as calmly as he could. Misato inhaled as he began to speak, his voice completely cold and calm.

"You know this is just a touch, we've been enemies for so many years, I think you should understand."

"I understand a lot about that Colonel, I hope my past isn't a problem." Kaworu spoke as cordially as he could, but deep down he wanted to leave because he was annoyed.

"Not if it's up to me." Misato spoke calmly, then she saw Kaworu stand up and stop in front of her with his hand outstretched, calmly she shook his hand.

"I hope we can be friends in the future." He wanted to leave and go home, but not before looking at Ritsuko and speaking calmly.

"And please don't break my unit 13."

"I won't, I'm surprised it didn't explode because of the lack of trained personnel that NERV had, or whoever built it." The blonde said calmly, Kaworu let out a small laugh when he heard this, but turned and left, leaving the two of them alone in the room.

"Can she be trusted?" asked the blonde as she put down her tablet and took out a cigarette. Misato crossed her arms after removing her glasses, and with a long sigh she spoke.

"I don't like it, he shouldn't be driving again."

"We need pilots, we don't have time to get a new Evangelion and this Nagisa has one." Ritsuko argues calmly as she takes a long drag.

"It would be much easier if we just took the unit, but I wonder what that would do to Shinji, they seem to be very close." Misato adds as she looks out with her arms crossed behind her back.

"Shinji sees him as his brother, only he stood by him after everything that happened."

"That was his decision." Tried the blonde as she finished smoking her cigarette, then her eyes fell on the information on her computer.

"It was never our decision for him to isolate himself the way he did, he never gave us the chance to show our side of the story, we don't know what this Kaworu told him."

Misato closed her eyes as she thought about the past, she wished things were different, then she focused on the beauty of the now refurbished Geofront, it was strange to be in the same place that her greatest enemy had used for so many years, but she had to be careful with her desires now.

"Anything new at Wunder?"

"No, even if we replicated the reactors, we couldn't get even 10% of the energy that unit 01 gave." Ritsuko said as she remembered to try to find another source of energy for the big ship, so she wouldn't have to depend on Kaworu, only on the people she really trusted.

"So this is all a complete waste of time and resources." Misato spoke grumpily, she wanted Kaworu to stay away from Shinji, there was something about him that irritated her.

"I hope this Kaworu is as good as Shinji says he is."

(*)

Shinji was standing in the apartment he shared with Kaworu, he looked at the clock slowly ticking away the hours, he wondered where Kaworu would be at a time like this.

Turning his head to the side, Shinji looked at the wall of his house, a few centimeters separated him from his old home, Misato's house, the place where she thought she was happy, a place where he thought he had found a family, but fate had shown him otherwise.

Touching his face, he thought about how he could clear his mind, got up and went to his small kitchen, the man opened his fridge to see what he could make for food, but nothing came to mind.

"Damn." He said as he closed the fridge, his gaze quickly falling on the wall that separated him from Asuka, he closed his eyes and sighed, but then the sound of his door opening caught his attention.

"I'm back." Says the albino as he enters his house, Shinji looks at him calmly, still feeling sad at being so close to his old life.

"Dude, you have to be careful in battle, one day my brothers might be stronger." Said Kaworu, sitting down on the sofa, his sharp eyes could see that Shinji was looking in the direction of Misato's apartment.

"We killed him." Shinji spoke grumpily, he hated people talking about how he piloted, but he really screwed up in fights.

"Apparently Misato had some questions."

"She just wanted to know what I was like, you know, we were enemies for a long time." Kaworu spoke without caring about the memory, she really didn't care about the Lilin's opinions of him. Shinji looked at him when he heard the word enemy, but unfortunately they were like that for a while.

"Then I had to listen to Dr. Akagi's lecture about how my EVA is out of date and stuff, that woman must think only she knows about it." Kaworu adds amusedly.

"She's always been like that, she's the only one who's smart." Shinji spoke as he thought about the past, then his eyes fell on the wall again, he wondered what Asuka was doing now. Kaworu realized this again, and with a small sigh he spoke.

"Go talk to her." Kaworu said smiling, even though he hated Asuka and everything she had done to him in the past, but he wanted him to be happy, and seeing the look he received from Shinji he smiled even more.

"You're staring so hard at the wall that it's going to fall down hahaha."

"Does she think about the past?" Shinji asked, trying to change the subject. Kaworu closed his eyes as he felt the AT field of a person approaching his door now, but he still had some time.

"I think only you can find out."

SOUND OF THE DOORBELL.

He got up and headed for the door, Shinji took a deep breath when he realized that it must be Mari who was on the other side, or who might be coming to visit him. Calmly, he opened the door and found Mari standing smiling on the other side.

"Makinami-san." He spoke as politely as possible, Mari didn't mind the formality, she spoke calmly and with a friendly smile on her face.

"Please call me Mari, I'm not an old woman." She said smiling, but Shinji had a calm look on his face, he seemed depressed, but she wanted to change things a little.

"Okay... Mari, what can I do for you?" Mari seemed like a nice person, there was something familiar about her, as if he'd seen her before, but now that wasn't a concern for him.

"Well..." She said as she put her hands together in front of her body like a cute schoolgirl, using as much of her name as she could.

"Since today was a day of a beautiful victory against the enemy, I thought we could all celebrate in our apartment, so we can talk and maybe have some fun." She said as she looked for Kaworu, but she couldn't find him. She had always been curious to talk to the NERV pilots in the days of the Red War, to see what kind of people they were.

Shinji took a deep breath when he heard this, he wanted to be able to relax, but he still didn't feel ready to meet and talk to Asuka after everything they had been through.

"Look Mari, I don't think it's a good idea right now." He says with a little depression in his voice.

"Ah! Come on, it'll be nice!" She said in a tearful voice, she wasn't going to let Shinji out of their lives so easily again, she wanted at least Asuka and Shinji to be happy again, just as Yui and Kyoko had wanted in the past. Shinji felt sorry for her right now, but a part of him wanted that.

"What does Asuka think of that?"

"Huh?" Mari asked confused by the argument, but she quickly smiled like a cat as she spoke in a cute voice.

"Oh! He wants to know if she'll like it! What a cute puppy!" Shinji sighs with annoyance, but doesn't stop blushing at the provocation. Knowing that she shouldn't play too much with fate, Mari quickly controls herself.

"All right, all right... the pocket tiger wouldn't mind, I really just want to have fun with everyone and maybe get to know each other better, that's all." Mari is serious now, but her face still has its best smile.

"I think that's an excellent idea." Said Kaworu as he gathered himself in the doorway, Mari focusing her gaze on him as she was finally close enough to do so. Using all her intelligence to analyze every part of Kaworu, she thought.

- He's kind of handsome, but he looks like Rei, with the same pale skin and red eyes -

"See, even Snowball thinks it's a good idea, so let's go!" She said cheerfully as she pointed to the next door. Shinji looked at Kaworu with a deadly look on his face, but the albino didn't mind in the slightest, calmly pushing him out, Mari watched in satisfaction as the two of them followed right behind her.

Finally inside the apartment he knew so well, Shinji once again felt nostalgic, but managed to control the feeling well. He watched Asuka sitting playing some game on the television, and focused his eyes on her, especially on her beautiful red hair falling like a cascade of copper down her back.

Nearby was Rei, sitting waiting for the small group to return, in her hands a small book that she was reading intently, on her face a pair of reading glasses, Shinji smiled at the sight of her.

"Welcome Ikari-kun." She said as she looked at Shinji, who nodded in return. Soon his attention fell on Kaworu, they both stared at each other for a short time, but for them, it seemed like an eternity, being able to feel a different AT field around them, Rei observed him calmly.

Kaworu inhaled at the sight of Rei, he knew of the Lilin's desecration in reproducing a hybrid being, but even so she was his greatest enemy, Lilith, the being who had defeated him many moons ago, but at least he was going to be civilized.

Asuka wanted to turn her face away, but she felt her body stuck in this position, feeling her heart pounding in her chest with it, she still wanted to have more time to be able to have a decent conversation with Shinji.

"So, the food will be here soon, so we can make ourselves at home." Mari said calmly to everyone.

Shinji slowly sat down on the floor, it was strange to be there again, but he was going to make an effort to make it work, next to him Kaworu sat down, but his eyes were fixed on Rei, they both looked at each other trying to decipher the AT field they felt.

Mari sat down next to the two of them after putting some drinks on the center table, she could see that everyone was quiet, she spoke calmly as she looked at Kaworu, the only one in the room she didn't know.

"Snowball, can I ask you something intimate?"

Kaworu finally looked at her as she smiled sympathetically, he wasn't comfortable with questions, so with a nod he waited.

"What was NERV like in the days of the red earth? Did you have more people with you?" She asked calmly, her curiosity really piqued.

Shinji squeezed his hand as he heard this, he didn't want to go back to this memory of his life, Kaworu smiled as he heard this.

"It was boring, there were no people around, a lot was automated, so there wasn't much to do really." He says calmly as he picks up one of the cans in front of him.

"I spent most of my time playing the piano, reading or tending to the old professor's garden."

Mari nodded, at least she had something to do at Wunder, life at NERV seemed boring.

"Wow, that's boring, but it's not so different from our time at Wunder, my hobbies were helping Maya on the computers and practicing with EVA, it was nice when we could spend time in village 3." She says, smiling.

"I'd heard about these villages, but I never got to see them." Kaworu said as he smiled, while Shinji looked on with a nostalgic look.

"It was good looking after the crops and rice, I miss it." Rei said shyly as he joined in the conversation. Shinji gave her a smile as he imagined the scene, it really did look like a very peaceful life.

Asuka tightened her grip on the controls, she was angry that this conversation was bringing back some memories she didn't want to remember anymore, especially after Shinji ran off with this person she'd never seen in her life and didn't trust, feeling anger take over her body, she spoke without thinking.

"Why would I want to see the villages? If your goal was to destroy everything that's left."

Mari rolled her eyes when she heard that, Shinji looked at Kaworu and then at Asuka.

"Asuka, please!"

"It's okay Mari-san." Kaworu said without bothering.

"You know that my goal was never to destroy what was left of the world, but to do what we did back then, with Shinji's help we reversed the third impact, unlike WILLE with her Wunder who only wanted power." He rebutted politely, but his voice was serious and firm, Shinji touched his face, he really wanted this night to be good.

Asuka turned and looked at Kaworu, her eye glowing in anger at the angel trapped inside her eye, she sensed the irony in Kaworu's voice.

"What? Do you think that was about power? We wanted the best for the world!"

"Then why didn't you use the power of the EVAs to reverse the third impact?" He asks calmly, and seeing Asuka at a loss for words, he says more.

"You always had the power to do it, but you never used it, you preferred to leave the world lost for seven years, what Shinji and I did was do what you didn't do and then I'm the villain?"

Asuka looked at him angrily, she really wanted to wipe that arrogant smile off his face, she clenched her hands as she didn't deny Kaworu's logic, she didn't want to lose this argument.

Kaworu smiled as he saw Asuka desperately searching for an answer to give her, but she couldn't. Calmly, Mari, sensing that there would soon be a big fight, decided to act.

"So, puppy, how did you survive the seven years you were lost from us?" she asked as she sipped her drink. Asuka tried to concentrate on her game again, but her mind was on the conversation, mainly with Shinji.

Shinji thought about what he would answer, the truth was that his life was normal, nothing out of the ordinary, even boring.

"It was normal, I worked in a market, that was my life for seven years." He said, wiping his mouth with the can he was drinking from. He wanted to say he was happy, but unfortunately he wasn't.

"Market? That sounds pretty boring." Mari spoke with false amusement, she could sense that the atmosphere was bad.

"It was." Kaworu said amusedly, then he remembered. "Most people think they're superior just because they're buying, this policy that the customer is always right is horrible, but at least we could survive."

"I can't see myself working anywhere else but for WILLE." Mari spoke more calmly, Shinji glanced at Rei when he saw her looking at Kaworu slightly angrily, not understanding why but he wanted to know more about her.

"Rei? What are you doing at WILLE?" Shinji asked calmly.

Blinking as she listened to her brother, she soon returned to the real world.

"It's satisfactory, I spend most of my time dividing my workload between Deputy Commander Akagi, Lieutenant Ibuki and Dr. Suzuhara." She says calmly as she thinks about her duties.

"That sounds like a lot." Kaworu says puzzled as he tries to read more of Rei's AT field.

"Yeah, but I don't mind, I like my job." Rei replied as she did the same, she wanted to know where this angelic AT field came from, but that should be impossible.

Asuka knew that Rei did the rice plantations in village 03, she thought a lot about it, about her life before the world was rebuilt, and calmly and seriously she asked.

"Do you miss your work in village 03?"

Everyone looked at Asuka, especially Shinji. He had heard about these villages, but had never visited one.

"Yes, I wish I could plant rice again, it would be nice to work outdoors." She replied naturally. Asuka stopped playing as she thought about the past, how could Rei talk about it so naturally? It made her angry, closing her eyes she thought of the times when she was happy, the days when she could just be a boring fourteen-year-old girl.

SOUND OF A BELL.

"Wow, the food's here!" Mari said happily as she got up and ran towards the front door, Shinji wanted to ask everyone things, but he didn't know if he should, he wanted to know if Misato was okay after everything, but talking about his former tutor was still difficult.

Returning with some pizza boxes in her hands, she smiled as she sat down with the group.

"Pizza is one of the best things mankind has ever produced, and... I haven't forgotten you blue, one of the boxes was vegan."

"I'm glad you remembered me." Rei spoke politely, Shinji looked away as he plucked up the courage to talk about the subject that was bothering him the most, Mari looked at Asuka's back, she could see that the redhead was running away from their little get-together, calmly and determinedly she spoke.

"Princess! Do you want to quit this business and come eat with us!"

Asuka closed her eyes as she snorted, Mari always took the lead on matters, squeezing her control tighter she tried to ignore it, but the smell of pizza aroused her appetite, she could feel Mari nuzzling her back.

"Princess! I'll turn it off!"

"Damn it Mari, you're not my mother!" Asuka said angrily, but then she thought about her past, she tried to search for any memory she had, but it was all just a blur. Mari heard this, she wished she could tell her the truth about her birth and about Kyoko, she would love to know about it, but as always her secrets kept her in the dark.

"I know that, but come here with us, stop being annoying!"

Mari spoke as she began to eat, while Kaworu and Rei did the same in silence, but she could feel the tension in the room and it wasn't good, ready to irritate Asuka even more, but she wasn't going to give her that pleasure.

"Okay!" Asuka says as she turns off her game and turns around, she looks at Shinji when she sees him with a shy smile on his face, she feels her face blushing at that, he had that same damn smile he had when he was a child.

"What?"

Shinji looked at her calmly, she still looked pretty when she was angry, but he quickly remembered the circumstances that had led to all this, blinking he looked away, Asuka still kept her eyes on him, losing the intensity of her gaze she took a deep breath as she picked up a piece of food.

Shinji thought about the past, especially the times he had spent there, and looking around, he asked dejectedly.

"And... what about Misato? How is she?"

Everyone stopped eating, especially Mari and Asuka, Kaworu looked at Shinji as he became slightly irritated, Shinji was still thinking about that woman who had once been his guardian, he wanted to understand why she had hated him so much in the past, why she hadn't trusted him when he needed her most.

Mari looked at Asuka, expecting her to take over, but from the look on her face you could see that she didn't. Calmly, she began to speak.

"Look, puppy, don't... don't take it personally, Misato's like that with everyone now."

Shinji looked down when he heard that, Misato stayed that way because of the third impact, closing her eyes as she put her food down, Mari wanted to talk more about it, but Asuka decided to speak first.

"Look brat, after the third impact everyone lost their humanity, including Misato."

"I hope she's as nice as she used to be." Mari speaks with a shy smile on her face, she slowly starts eating again, everyone quiet as they eat their food.

"You know what snowball, I always thought that NERV pilots were those strange people, but you're kind of a good-looking guy." Mari speaks honestly and with amusement in her voice, Asuka looks at Mari doubtfully, but she's always been a strange girl anyway.

Kaworu laughed when he heard this, but he quickly replied with amusement, Shinji just looking at him to see what the answer would be.

"Did you think I'd have four arms and stuff?"

Everyone laughed when they heard this, even Rei had a small smile on her face. Mari looked around to see everyone smiling and enjoying themselves, even with the tension in the air, she felt victorious tonight.

"So it was you they used as the basis for those machines we were up against?" Rei spoke calmly about something she thought about a lot, including Asuka.

"I only gave the parameters, but it was Professor Fuyutsuki who made the magic happen, I just waited for orders." Kaworu replied calmly, and Mari nodded; it made a lot of sense.

"You know what, I never understood why you wanted to get the brat, why him?" Asuka said curiously, Ritsuko never had the answers to that question.

"I needed him to help me pilot unit 13, the king of the Lilin wanted him to finish what he started, but we had other plans, didn't we Shinji?" Kaworu said smiling as he gave Shinji a little slap on the arm, who was still shy in the corner, but for Mari it was a victory.

"What about you?" Shinji asked shyly as he fixed his gaze on the food, Mari and Asuka looked at him at this point, calmly he asked.

"What did you do to pass the time?"

"Me?" Mari said calmly, it wasn't difficult for her.

"I used to work on Wunder's systems when I wasn't flying, helping out with things like that, I've always liked computers and stuff." She said as she looked at Asuka, she knew what she did in her spare time, especially wondering why Shinji didn't help her or stay by her side.

Asuka took a deep breath when she heard that, she knew she had missed Shinji for a long time, lying to herself she said.

"Training."

Shinji nodded at this, he could see that there was more she wanted to tell him, but he decided to keep quiet, nodding he went back to eating, but at least she wasn't trying to kill him.

(*)

"You know they're right." Kaji said as he smoked his cigarette in Misato's living room. In front of her, Misato was looking intently at her protégés, who were now enjoying each other's company in some way.

"You could be with them right now, you know that?" He says, wanting her to smile like she used to.

Misato took a deep breath when she heard this, she really wanted to be there with all of them like old times, but would it be the same? Could she be smiling and laughing with all of them as if nothing bad had happened in the past?

"I still think it's too early to try."

"One day you'll have to face him, you can't hide in your office forever." He says as he looks down, the coffee on the table now completely cold and waiting to be consumed.

"I don't have time for this, now that the angels are back, things are even worse." Misato still focused on her computer screen, the low sound of Mari telling some joke or situation flooded the small room. Kaji thought about how he could get Misato interested in people again.

"You know you're really no different from Gendo."

"Are you comparing me to that piece of shit?"

Misato finally looked at him angrily, being compared to that man was an insult to her life, but Kaji didn't care one bit, taking another drag on his cigarette he started talking again.

"He did exactly the same things you're doing now, isolating himself from everyone and especially the pilots, the only thing missing from you is the complete loss of humanity that I know still exists somewhere inside you."

"I'm nothing like him!" She tried, but she knew Kaji wasn't wrong, knowing that she had no argument to counterattack, only denial was easier. Kaji slowly finished smoking, there being nothing to stop him from saying what he wanted at this point.

"Why do you stay like this? Do you isolate yourself from everything and everyone? I know you want to sort things out with Shinji and have some peace, the same peace you felt when you came home before the third impact to your dysfunctional little family, so why do you keep getting in the way of your emotions like you're doing now?"

"I don't get in the way of anything, things aren't like they used to be, the world has changed." Misato said, thinking back to the days of Wunder, but for Kaji, that was just another excuse and he was the king of excuses.

"Yes, they've changed, but the world is back to normal, or at least a little, you have to understand that we're not in red Misato land anymore, we're not starving or anything like that, now you can let your guard down a bit and try to recover the basics of your lives, just like we're all trying to do." Kaji says as he reaches for another cigarette.

"He even seems to miss the shitty times."

"What the hell, Kaji! I'm not that Misato anymore! We can't empathize these days!" Misato speaks more aggressively.

"When we were at Wunder I couldn't afford to show weakness, I have to keep order here!"

Kaji wasn't bothered in the slightest by Misato's outburst, so he spoke calmly.

"Misato, you have to accept that those times are behind us, we're not in the red land anymore." Kaji speaks calmly and reassuringly, it took him a while to accept this fact.

"Do you think I want that? Every day I dream that we're back in that hellhole and nothing I can do will change that!" Misato spoke anxiously, just talking about the red earth made her hand tremble, Kaji looked at her calmly as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"Then why are you still acting like we're in the red earth?"

Misato didn't know how to answer that, it had been seven years since the world had been restored and they had regained some peace, many people were still trying to understand what had happened, but it seemed that people were really just putting it behind them.

"Think about what I'm saying Misato, what you're doing to yourself isn't healthy at all and you'll end up losing your chance of a better future once and for all." He said as he stood up and started towards the office door, but before he left he spoke, his voice soft and cheerful.

"Don't think I don't miss some things about the red earth, but there's nothing I can't fix in my backyard, I should do the same, after all the past is the past and we should always be thinking about our future."

Misato now looked at the door being closed, looking at the screen showing the broadcast from her house she thought about Kaji's words, should she be there with all of them? She thought about the answer, surely the old Misato would be there laughing with everyone, but that really was the old Misato.

Staring at the now closed door, she knew Kaji was right, she should at least try to be happy like he was, like everyone tried, hating every word the man said not because she disagreed, but because he always said things that were true.

"Idiot." She said as she released her purple hair, which had previously been in a ponytail. Running her hands through her long hair, she closed her eyes at the thought of what the old Misato would do. Feeling her eyes coming together, she laid her head on the table as she allowed herself a small minute of weakness, and she hated it.

She punched the table as she felt angry at being compared to Gendo, but she herself knew that this was the truth, she had turned into that man, always with the same cold stare, the heavy and emotionless orders, she hugged her own arms in search of comfort.

"Why do you always leave me like this, you idiot?" The woman cried as she thought again about Kaji's words and some counter-argument to prove her point, but as always, nothing came to mind, Kaji was right as he always was.

Author's Notes: Hello Calborghete people here, we finally have chapter 10, I hope everyone liked it, as always be sure to follow it and save it in your favorites so you don't miss any more future updates.

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