(Trigger Warning: This chapter contains themes of miscarriage)
Tris's POV:
Today has been so good, and I feel like myself again after so long. Tobias and I have gotten so much more closer these past few days, and things are going extremely well with him. A smile creeps up on my face when I think of him. I never imagined I would meet someone like him, let alone marry him.
And since I admitted my feelings to him, I've realised they are only growing stronger and stronger as time goes on. The love I feel for him takes up everything inside of me, it consumes me, it's like my whole world lights up when I look at him. And sometimes I can't believe that I get to experience this. That I get to love him so deeply.
But he makes it so easy too, I couldn't not fall in love with him. He is the perfect man. Beyond everything that I ever dreamed of. He takes such good care of me, always putting me first and making sure that I'm happy. And especially the way he has handled everything that has happened to me, he never makes me feel like it's my fault.
Whether I remember him or not, one thing is perfectly clear in my head and my heart, and it's that I love him and he loves me, and we belong together. So, this morning I decided that I was ready to take the next step with him. I am ready to give myself to him. I want to. And I know that Tobias will be respectful of my needs like he always is.
As I frost the cupcakes, I think about my decision. I have a plan on how to go about this thing. I just can't let him know what I'm up to, I want it to be a complete surprise for Tobias. And from the way his body reacts when he's around me, I already know that he will absolutely love my surprise. All I have to do is go and get a birth control shot.
Quickly finishing up with the cupcakes, I pack them up into a box and place it on the delivery table. Looking towards the clock, I realise I should leave soon before I talk myself out of it, I'm doing this. I think about telling Tori the truth, but I decide against it. I want this to be just between me and Tobias.
Walking out to the front of the bakery, I approach her. She's busy talking to a customer, and I wait by the side. When their exchange is over, she turns to me. Taking a deep breath, I work up the courage to lie. But I'm so bad at it. What if she sees right through me? No, I have to do this. I can do this. I just need to stay calm.
"Hey, Tori. The cupcakes are all done." I tell her.
"Great, I'll call Tyler and send him to drop them off." She smiles. I nod, wondering how to tell her. "You okay, Tris?" She looks at me.
"Yeah. Uh, I mean, I just have a little headache." I lie.
"Oh, no. Do you have a fever, too?" She checks my forehead.
"No, it's just a headache. I took a tablet but it hasn't kicked in yet." God, I hate lying.
"You should go home, Tris. Get some rest. Should I call Tobias? He'll come get you." She asks me.
"No, it's okay. He must be busy at work. I'll text him." I really hope she doesn't say anything to Tobias.
"Are you sure?" She furrows her eyebrows.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need some sleep." I nod my head.
"Okay. Take care and call me if you need anything." She gives me a hug.
"I will. Thanks, Tori!"
I get my stuff and leave the bakery, deciding to walk to the hospital as I still have some time. It's not particularly close, but not too far either. And although it's cold, I enjoy taking walks. The simple activity really clears my mind, and the exertion makes my body feel good. Since living with Tobias, I haven't had many chances to go on walks as we almost always take the car everywhere. And I certainly won't call him to take me to the hospital right now, it'll ruin my surprise.
Soon I reach my destination and walk inside, looking for Dr. Bell. She was kind enough to accept my last minute appointment request. I follow the signs on the walls noting the various departments, and head to the gynaecology division. As I walk through the hallway, I feel a sudden wave of nervousness. Am I really going to do this? Am I ready? It's not like it's my first time ever having sex, but without my memories, it's a little scary.
I try to calm myself down, I need to remember that Tobias will never push me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. He said he would wait for me as long as I needed. And I trust him. Taking a deep breath, I approach a nurse to ask about my appointment. She points to a small waiting area, asking me to wait for a few minutes.
I sit beside another woman who's waiting, smiling a little at her. The nurse hands her a file, and she gets up to leave. Soon, a patient exits the doctor's office, and Dr. Bell comes out to tell me that she is ready to see me. I take a deep breath before I follow her inside and sit down on the consultation chair.
"So, Mrs. Eaton, what can I help you with?" I feel my heart swell when she calls me by my married name.
"Um, I'm here to get a birth control shot." I say, my cheeks burning red.
"Of course! Were you on the shot before? Is this visit for a renewal?" She asks, looking at the computer on her desk.
"Yes, I was on it before. But I don't remember when I last took the shot." I answer.
"Okay. Have you been sexually active lately?" She asks, typing down on the keyboard.
"Uh, no." I bite my lip, shaking my head.
"Okay. I have looked up your profile here in our hospital records and it says that you are overdue for a shot. I have all the information here. I can give it to you now." She looks up at me.
"Okay, doctor." I nod, taking several deep breaths.
Getting the shot takes no time at all, and I'm done within minutes. She tells me that its affects will start up from around a week to ten days, and then I can have safe sex. She also gives me a pamphlet with all the information about the contraceptive shot. I thank her for everything.
Walking out of the room, I let out a sigh and sit in one of the waiting chairs, reading over all the things listed in the pamphlet. This is starting to get real now. I am still nervous, but I also feel excited. The slow build up of sexual energy between me and Tobias has started to take over my entire body. I feel so much at once when I'm with him.
But in addition to the physical closeness, I also can't wait to be completely myself around him. And I know that it is inevitable, it's just a matter of time. I know that once all the things that keep us apart are gone and out of the way, we will surely become inseparable. I think it will jog up some forgotten memories for me too. I really hope so.
I smile to myself and put the pamphlet away in my bag, standing up to leave. I turn the hallway to enter the main area of the hospital, but soon sense that someone is behind me. I walk faster, feeling anxious, but the footsteps following me catch up to me. I turn around to see who it is, but I'm immediately enveloped into a hug. The man holds me tight around the shoulders, not budging when I resist.
"Get away!" I push the person back with annoyance, ready to give them a piece of my mind. But when I look up, I see who it is. "Robert? What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Beatrice! It's been so long since I last saw you. How are you doing? I just saw you walking down the hallway and came to say hi." He smiles, looking down at me creepily, and I desperately want to disappear.
"Okay. But I'm in a hurry, if you'll excuse me." I don't want to stay and chat with him, all he does is flirt with me.
"Wait! Why were you here? Are you suffering from something?" He keeps following me.
"I don't need to tell you that. It's my personal matter." I give him a glare.
"Well, looking at where you're coming from, I just hope it isn't the same reason you visited last time." He says, pointing to where I just came from.
"What do you mean?" I question, pausing to look at him.
"I know I really shouldn't be talking about it, but Susan told me. I'm sorry that happened to you, by the way." He gives me a look like I need to catch on, but I don't know what he's talking about.
"What are you talking about?" I ask in annoyance, and he looks shocked.
"Beatrice, I understand that you lost your memories but, please don't tell me that boyfriend of yours didn't talk to you about such a big thing." He shakes his head.
"About what?" I ask again.
"Shit, you really don't know. I thought that's why you were here, visiting Dr. Wane." He shakes his head.
"I don't understand what you're talking about, Robert. And I need to leave." I turn back around.
"No, wait! It's, uh, it's about..." He pauses to think. "How about I just take you to the doctor, she'll tell you everything."
"I don't-"
"It'll only take a few minutes, come on." He insists.
What is he talking about? Are Tobias and my parents hiding something more from me? I reluctantly walk back in, following him inside till he stops in front of a Dr. Mary Wane's door. It says she is an OB/GYN. I stare at the signboard for a moment, scared to walk in, but I need to know.
"Hey, doctor! Do you have a minute?" Robert walks in without knocking.
"I'm sorry, I need you to please wait outside, I'm in the middle of checking the test results of another patient." The middle aged doctor says without looking up, busy reading through a file. But when we don't move away, she speaks up again. "I told you, please wait- Tris!?" She stands up when she sees me.
"Uh, yeah." I whisper, I don't know what is going on.
"How have you been, dear? You haven't visited in so long!" She walks around her desk to hug me.
"I'm doing good, I just..." I stop myself. I don't know who this strange lady hugging me is.
"Is everything okay with..." She stops herself, looking at Robert who is standing right beside me, listening to everything. "Mister, will you please wait outside? This is a private conversation between me and my patient." She tells him, and he nods, walking out.
"Patient?" I ask her.
"Yeah, I've been your doctor for the past two years, Tris. I had heard that you were in an accident a few months ago but I didn't know that you really lost your memories." She says.
"I did. I'm sorry that I don't remember you."
"It's okay. But when you didn't visit me for a while, I thought something was wrong again."
"Wrong again? What do you mean? Why is everyone talking around in circles, I don't understand anything!" I say in frustration.
"Tris...you are a regular patient of mine, you have visited me often with your husband. I was your primary care doctor for when you were trying for a baby. And then you got pregnant, but unfortunately the fetus was too weak, and you miscarried in your first trimester." She speaks slowly, her eyes showing sympathy.
Suddenly the air around me is too thick to breathe in, and I feel the room closing down on me. My whole body feels heavy, and my hands begin to shake. How can this be true? I was going to have a baby? No, it can't be true. Tobias would never hide such a big thing from me. He would have told me no matter how unpleasant it might have been for me to hear. It can't be the truth.
"Doctor, you must have confused me with another patient." I finally find my voice, shaking my head.
"No, Tris. I have been your first call doctor for everything since you started trying for a baby. I know your full history. And I'm sorry that it happened to you, but it's true." She squeezes my shoulder.
The tears fall without me realising that I'm crying. But I don't know what else to do. I was going to have a baby, I was pregnant, I was going to be a mother, but all that was snatched away from me. And I had no idea about any of this because my husband hid everything. I feel betrayed, I feel helpless, I feel so alone. But most of all, I feel the loss of my unborn baby.
"Tris? Are you okay? Should I call Mr. Eaton to come get you?" The doctor asks.
"No! I'm fine. I'm heading home anyway. No need to call him." I quickly walk out the door and run away. I faintly hear Robert calling out my name, but I don't stop. I need to get away from here.
I can't believe what I just learned, can't believe that it actually happened to me. I keep walking along the cold streets, not knowing where I'm going. All I know is that I can't go home. I can't look at Tobias. This is worse than when I woke up to find I had lost my memories. This is worse than anything I ever imagined in my entire life.
My tears don't stop, and my vision gets blurry. Reaching out my hand to steady myself, I finally look around and see that I'm leaning against a tree. In front of the lake where Tobias had brought me to after our first date. Even in my haze, my feet carried me to a spot that is special for us. But thinking about him makes me cry even more, and I fall against the tree as I sob.
How could he do this to me? How could he not tell me that we were going to have a baby, that we were going to be parents? I thought I knew him well. I trusted him with my whole heart, but he still kept secrets from me. Does he even love me as he says? Or was Marcus's warning true? I don't know what and who to believe anymore. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for doing this to me.
A/N: So, this is what really happened...