A/N

I don't own Harry Potter or The Walking Dead

"Happy birthday Arthur" Molly whispered in a throaty voice, as she presented him a cake. Arthur whimpered in pain as Molly waddled over.

Molly's cake for Arthur was a solid beefsteak cake covered in a lard and mayonnaise frosting, topped with raw bacon.

Molly then grabbed Arthur by the throat and smashed his face into the cake as blood spattered everywhere.

Arthur would live, but Molly was not done yet. With Arthur over the table, Molly picked up Harry's forgotten Firebolt, and began brutally beating Arthur.

"Hope your not too uncomfortable" Molly roared in delight.

Meanwhile

Professor Elma was 150 years old and today her and Bill Weasley would be going on their honeymoon. Fleur had left Bill for Shane and Elma was there as the perfect replacwment for Fleur.

"Eat me my prince" Elma whispered seductively as Bill obliged

Meanwhile the golden trio were having tiugh nights. Hermione and Harry were struggling with Professor Elma's charms homework, while Ron had Neville in a broom closet as he brutally skinned his face off. Ron then remembered he had not started Elma's homework!

Meanwhile a huge heard of biters had invaded the grounds of Hogwarts. Otis and Dale were on the run as Otis's car had broken down. They were still 30 yards from the castle gates, Otis knew they wouldn't both make it.

"I'm down to my last" Dale cried as he put his last ream of weedeater string in his weedeater.

"I'm sorry" Otis whispered to a confused Dale.

Otis took out his flamethrower and scorched Dale's legs, before throwing battery acid in his face.

"You traitor" Dale wept as Otis gave him one of his famous shit eating grins.

"Time to feed our friends" he chuckled

Otis laughed and cried as he watched his lover be devoured.

Otis looked at his watch and was startled. He had better get to breakfast, he had class to teach in less than an hour!

Meanwhile at the Burrow , the aurors were confused at Molly's rationale for beating Arthr within an inch of his life.

"What I call a little home cooking" Molly crooned to the bewildered aurors on call after Mr. Lovegood called to report spousal abuse next door, to explain her rationale for hurting Arthur.

Molly was taken to Azkaban, and said she learned her lesson. That night she melted the bars of her cell and killed a few dementors via lightning.

"Happy independence day to all that celebrate" Molly cackled into the night.

That night Ginny was searching for some small animals to eat when she saw something in the grass. It was a weedeater, with the remains of a hand on it.

Cleaning it off, Ginny started it up and roared into the night.

A legend was born.