June 26th, 2166
USS Endeavor
Orbiting Earth
"Huh, that's strange." Lieutenant Commander Hoshi Sato thought, pausing her hands from their fluid motion over the keys on her station. Endeavor had been recalled to Earth by Admiral Archer, for what Hoshi could only assume was assistance with the rapidly approaching debate on what was being touted as a 'prime directive' of non-interference. Captain T'Pol had been on the surface for almost two weeks, and seemingly had no plans to come back to the ship until the debates were over. As much as she wanted to go down to Earth herself, someone had to be there to answer communications; and as the Communication Officer for the Alpha shift, that meant that she had been on the ship almost every day they'd been in orbit. There hadn't been many communications; mostly routine messages regarding shipments and time off requests. All matters that could be passed onto the First Officer, or simply held onto until the Captain's return. This however… gave her pause.
A red light flashing on a channel that had not been used in some months. In fact, this channel was the one preferred by the 'late' Commander Charles Tucker the third; a man who was dead in the eyes of everyone; save a few trusted friends. Hoshi Sato being one of them; although she had been brought into the fold at a much later date than others. She eyed the flashing light with trepidation; if it was flashing it could mean only one thing; Trip had sent a message.
Hoshi was one of the few who knew T'Pol on a basis more than colleagues. In fact, she might be the only friend that the captain currently had aboard her ship. They had known each other for over a decade, had served side by side throughout the Romulan War, and had faced down death together on more than one occasion. Hoshi had earned the trust of the elusive Vulcan; and as such, had seen the toll that the lack of communication from Trip had on her. The Captain continued her duties as she always had; and no one on the ship had mentioned any noticeable changes. Hoshi was more attune to the Captain's body language; picking up on minute changes in the way the Vulcan held herself, or phrased her responses. Hoshi prided herself that she could even detect when T'Pol blushed; a dusting of green that often occurred in her ears. Hoshi smiled slightly to herself, before eyeing the blinking light seriously.
She could read the message, and then decide whether or not to inform the captain of a message, if it was something she needed to know. Her finger hovered over the button. Wait… what if it was an intimate message? Hoshi felt herself blushing; and balled her fist up before coughing into it. She absolutely, 100 percent did not want to read an intimate message between the couple. It was bad enough being around the two of them and bearing witness to what she assumed they believed were subtle glances. She did not need to read what was going on behind those glances; she would never be able to look at the captain without thinking about it. Hoshi bit her lip, in deep thought. What were the chances it was intimate nature? Trip rarely used this channel, and it was never for frivolous reasons. What if he was in danger? That was the only reason he had ever used this channel before, and always with the code name Lazarus. Perhaps she ought to forward this message onto the Admiral; this was above her pay grade. Why then, could she not force her hands to do what her mind was telling her?
Hoshi sighed. She knew why. Because she knew the couple on a more intimate level than perhaps even the Admiral did; and he was a close friend of the human and Vulcan, perhaps even their best friend. If Trip had used this channel, he was reaching out to T'Pol. If he had wanted to speak to anyone else, including the Admiral, he would have found a way to do so that did not involve using Endeavor. This was a message meant only for T'Pol. Hoshi's deft fingers moved over her console; she would forward the message to the captain's apartment Earthside. After that, it was out of her hands.
XX
San Francisco
T'Pol stared at the three sentence message on the screen in front of her.
This is Lazarus.
Need to talk
If willing, meet on same channel in one week.
Trip.
If T'Pol had been a human woman, she might have burst into hysterical laughter; overcome by the gall of a man who had made no contact in months to suddenly request a specific date to speak. But she was not a human woman, she was a Vulcan. Even so; she could not prevent her fingers from bending slightly, sharp nails digging into the palms of her hands.
The logical thing to do was ignore the message. Trip had said in his message 'if willing' to talk. Perhaps she was not willing. If she did not meet him on the same channel his message had been sent, in five days, their relationship, if it could be called that any longer, would be over. A clean break. T'Pol could continue with her career, knowing that Trip was alive, somewhere out in the universe. It was a better outcome than she had previously allowed herself to think.
Trip clearly could contemplate life without her; had done so for months. She felt a sharp pain near her heart; and almost doubled over. The pain ebbed, as though a vise was pressing and letting go of her heart. Was this what humans called 'a broken heart?'
Drops of wetness on her lap. Was the roof leaking? T'Pol lifted her head to inspect her ceiling, clutching her side. The wetness pattern shifted with the movement of her head. She lifted a hand to her face, noting the tremble as she touched a finger to her face. Tears. For the second time in 3 days, tears were rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to chide herself; admonish the shocking lack of emotional control, but found she could not. Instead, she found herself rocking slightly, her hands gathered in front of her as she did so. The pain was unbearable, she wished she could cry out in agony. But she was a Vulcan, and Vulcans did not cry out. There were times that being a human woman would have been easier than being a Vulcan one, and this was one of those times. A human woman could have wailed and wept. T'Pol rocked back and forth, holding desperately onto the remainder of her Vulcan composure. She stared at the three sentences as she rocked; they seemed to be taunting her.
This is Lazarus.
Need to talk
If willing, meet on same channel in one week.
She slowed her breathing, matching the rocking one direction with breathing in, the other direction with breathing out. She focused her eyes on the words until they lost their shape, and became just a light for her eyes to focus on. T'Pol felt her body relax as if she was in meditation. Finally, she closed her eyes.
Admiral Archer needed her tomorrow, it was the first day of the debates. They had met nearly every day over the last two weeks; and the Admiral was feeling nervous. This was historical for the Federation, a decision that could inform the alliances of planets for generations to come. Now was not the time to be distracted, especially by emotions she wasn't even supposed to feel, about a man who was her mate, and whom she wasn't sure she even knew any more. T'Pol wiped her hand delicately across her face, sniffing slightly as she did so. Then, she stiffened her back.
She did not know if she would meet Trip on this clandestine channel in five days. His actions thus far had shown her that he no longer considered her his mate, and had 'moved on', as the humans were so fond of saying. A feat so much easier for a human than a Vulcan. He would not understand the agony of ending a psychic bond; a process that sometimes left death in its wake. Perhaps that was why the bond had been broken on its own; so that it could die a natural death, after an unnatural beginning. There would be no reason to discuss ending the relationship, it was already over.
Why then, did she feel pulled to see him? To tell him that he no longer had to worry about keeping secrets as they were his alone to bear? Indeed, it would be a relief to no longer share the gravity of the secrets she had kept for him, and the ones she had kept from him. To tell him she was gratified to see that he was alive, she was well, and say goodbye one last time, as they were never granted before?