Chapter 33

After some time, the novel feeling of enjoying something as normal as class was starting to wear off. 'I'm suddenly understanding some of the others' complaints about school,' he mused, noting down the things All Might wrote on the blackboard. As he did though, he took a deep breath in to remind himself that no, his chest and stomach weren't trying to kill him. It was just his teacher's condition.

'Focus, Kazuki,' he told himself, shaking his head a bit. His thoughts were getting lost on everything and anything. Sure, what they were studying was protocols, which were important and he knew it but… They were so dull at times. There was a lot of detail, a lot of explanations and a lot of fancy speech that made it so that even interesting things could turn into white noise.

School had been nice at first, since things were very different compared to how they worked back in juvie. Now that he was getting used to his freedom and nice things actually being able to happen, Kazuki was feeling the wonder of attending normal classes just… wearing off. 'To think I missed school of all things,' he groaned internally.

It wasn't like he hated school though. He liked that he could go, and he liked learning how to do the job he wanted in the future. It was just the lectures and texts and homework that sucked. It didn't help that boredom and frustration of other students reached him too, amplifying his own.

Like Mineta, who was all but dozing off.

Rolling his eyes, Kazuki kept his eyes on All Might, who seemed to be focusing on his own notes, the blackboard and not messing up. The man was nervous on top of being in pain, so Kazuki imagined he wasn't paying all that much attention to the students. Fortunate for Mineta, he supposed.

Even with that, his class was one of those that were the easiest to focus on. Not because it was more interesting, even though it was, since it was heroics, but also because All Might was a good teacher. The man might have been a bit of a mess, since he clearly didn't know what he was doing, but that didn't make him bad at it anyway. After all, he was the Number One Hero, and while he might not have been the best teacher, he knew about what he was talking about.

From time to time, he'd deviate from the clearly already prepared speech and general lecture to instead impart on them some life lesson that he'd learned while on the job. Even those most distracted during the class would give the man their full attention whenever this happened. It was just that interesting, and most of those teachings came across as much more important when they were explained to them in a much more relatable way and also in a way that made it obvious that they could use what was said in their lives.

Certainly better than the droning, bland texts they had to read through.

Kazuki was actually making sure to note all those down separately and make flashcards with the pieces of advice the hero gave. He was sure he wanted to remember those, even more than the actual class material… Not that he was dismissing the rest of the class, of course, but still.

All too soon though, All Might's class was done and Kazuki had to prepare himself for a lot of duller classes to come. Of course, the other teachers weren't bad per se, but they had much less exciting classes. Present Mic tried though, and Kazuki was actually interested in English, so there was that, but the rest? Not even Midnight with her… advantages could make her class all that interesting every single time. It was just how it worked. If anything, those might have worked against her from time to time, really.

Not that Kazuki would admit that out loud, but Mineta did it for both of them.

"I just know I'm going to forget half the things we need to do, even if they all make sense and are reasonable," Jiro grumbled, moving to take a seat as the group gathered once more. This time, they all sat around Mineta's desk by the window. Idly, Kazuki glanced towards Bakugo and Midoriya, who sat in front of the short boy. One was still a bundle of nerves, but somehow seemed to calm down a little at that moment.

Which was good, because Kazuki didn't feel like dealing with extra bad emotions.

"Same," he commented, shoulders dropping a little as he sighed. "There's a lot of things to remember. One step or two is bound to be forgotten. Better hope it's one of the less important ones."

"All protocol steps are important," Yaoyorozu chimed in, drawing groans from the rest of them. She was likely the only one that would be getting everything right and they knew it. As it was, Kazuki and Mineta were likely the best after her, academically speaking, and they still weren't sure about their memories being good enough. "It's a process, one thing leads to the other."

"It sounds neat when you say it like that, Beauty," Hagakure replied, all but whining. "But some of those things are so small and some of them aren't even related to the rest at all!"

"We can go over those later?" the rich girl commented. "Maybe we can go to my house this time. My parents don't mind."

"Ah… You sure about that?" Kazuki asked, grinning uncertainly. "Your parents are a big deal, aren't they?" he added, leaving unsaid that he could cause trouble with or for them… maybe even both.

"It's fine," she reassured, placing a hand on his arm and squeezing. "I talked to them and I did have to do a little convincing," she explained to him and he appreciated the honesty. He likely would have picked up on a lie and that'd have made things worse. "But they accepted in the end. I… I guess we can go somewhere else though. I can't promise that you won't pick up emotions from them," she continued, finishing a little withdrawn.

"It's fine. We can go there," he told her, already preparing himself for what she said could happen. He could have said no, of course, but Yaoyorozu seemed to want them to go there, so… He'd put up with that if he needed to. It wasn't the end of the world.

"I'm sure they'll realize that it's fine, and you aren't who they think you are," she replied, clearly very glad for his answer. Personally, Kazuki doubted they would, but he could hope. Things had gone well with Jiro's father and Mineta's mother, after all.

[}-o-{]

"You can do it, Creepy!" Hagakure cheered beside him, and he could occasionally see her, actually bouncing around and all with- 'Where did she even get pom-poms?' he wondered, pausing for a second and becoming distracted. Still, he'd admit that it was nice to hear the cheering and have someone put actual effort into doing that for him.

With a grin, he focused back on what he was doing, since it was kind of important.

After all, he was using six grimm in a spar session.

'I can do it,' he told himself, frowning deeply as he kept an eye on each and every one of his summons. They were all beowolves, since it was easier to control more grimm if they were of the same type. Not a crazy amount, but it was certainly better than trying to control six grimm that were nothing alike at the same time.

He took a deep breath in.

Things were going well, but that only added more pressure. He needed to keep it going like that. No slipping, no cracks in his focus, no distractions. 'Focus,' he told himself, feeling a little annoyed. The control part was going well, but the grimm's efficiency had taken a hit. He was reining in too much.

'Come on, I can make this work,' he told himself, letting go the smallest bit, trying to reach the same performance level that his grimm usually had. 'That's better,' he mused, trying to reach the perfect spot. He needed to be careful. He refused to slip up again. He needed to do this perfectly, if only to prove to himself that he could.

It was frustrating, to push his Quirk more and more and always be a breath away from slipping. It was grating on his patience too. Even then, after so long, he could easily slip with just four grimm if he wasn't careful. That was bullshit. He'd get nowhere at the rate he was going. His grimm were powerful. His Quirk was powerful. He was powerful…

He just needed to be better.

'Better,' he told himself, but it wasn't enough. 'Just a little more. Careful, but a little more,' he mused, taking a deep breath in. He needed to push a little more. Just a little, but not too much, which was a balance all sorts of frustrating to keep. 'That's it, that's it,' he thought, noticing that he had managed to reach the point he wanted. Now he just had to keep himself there.

The spar was going well now that his creatures were fighting well too, which just made everything better. The students of 1-B were sure to be grateful… even if they were likely to get a bruise or two. That was what training was for, after all.

"You are doing great," he heard Hagakure say from beside him. He knew he was, but somehow, hearing it being said out loud was a lot better. He'd make sure to thank the girl once he could afford the brain cells to focus on her instead of training.

"Maybe I won't even need to spray him today," he heard Yaoyorozu comment from his other side, jokingly.

"That's not nice, Beauty!" the invisible girl exclaimed, before giggling a little.

Kazuki heard them, but he wasn't thinking about what they said too much. He needed to keep his focus. He needed to keep his Grimm going and under control. 'I can do this,' he repeated in his mind, grinning widely. It was progress, progress without slips, without failures, without frustration.

He could get better. He could improve. He could be stronger and be a hero. Now he just needed to keep going and show everyone that. The Sports Festival was the place to do that. The place where he'd either make or break his career. He would be a hero regardless, but he needed to start working on his reputation, or his dream job would become a nightmare.

Kazuki needed to be at his best for the Festival, so that everyone could see. He needed to be strong, but more importantly, he needed to be in control. Everything had to be perfect, because if he slipped on national TV, then he was screwed. If he was too weak, it wouldn't be much better. If he made any mistake during the whole event, then the already steep slope he faced for his future as a hero would get even worse.

'Don't think about that,' Kazuki told himself, balling his hand so hard it started hurting. He needed to focus on the fight, on the grimm. The future was the future and the present was the present. He couldn't worry about what was going to happen if it would just mess up with what he was doing.

He was training, he was preparing.

He was doing his best, so he'd just have to hope that it'd be enough. If it wasn't, then he'd cross that bridge when he got to it. That was all he could do, keep working on things to the best of his ability. Show the world the best him he could be.

If it wasn't enough, he'd just have to be better.

Eventually, with some luck, the public would see that he wasn't a monster.

Hopefully.

[}-o-{]

"Finally alone here," Kazuki thought out loud, looking around the empty training facilities. It was Friday, so he supposed most people had better things to be doing during their weekends than continuing to train. Or maybe they had other plans for such things? Regardless, he would take the opportunity, since it didn't look like he'd get many of those the closer they got to the Sports Festival. Most of his friends did, except for Hagakure who had said she'd go ahead and visit Hound Dog while he did his thing. He'd go afterwards himself, actually…

If things worked out, at least.

'Ok, let's get started before I get kicked out,' he decided, looking off to the side to see that Aizawa was there to keep an eye on him. The teacher nodded and Kazuki nodded back. Turning back to look forwards and licking his lips, he shook his shoulders, cracked his neck and got ready. By then he'd kind of gotten used to creating new grimm, but this was different. He'd be trying a completely different process now, which meant that he was the smallest bit anxious and also eager to get to it.

Closing his eyes, he reached for one of the nodes in his negativity pools, a very particular node at that. He had some ideas of what would work with the grimm he was gonna try and work with. That grimm being the crowd control project he'd kind of put aside some time ago. Now, maybe this could be what he needed to actually make it work.

So, he reached into his first option, touched it and resisted the urge to let go instantly as crippling exhaustion seeped into his body. He pulled at the string with energy he didn't feel he had, barely managing to stay standing. Once he had enough, he started the process of creating a grimm, with the string reaching through the shadow and into the body of the creature.

The humanoid body hadn't changed much since the first time he made it. The big chest for bigger lungs was still there, the arms were still ridiculously long with equally long fingers. This last part he imagined would be useful to have the thing grab someone. The thing had almost no muscle, but if it could be a bother, Kazuki would call it a win.

He knew, however, that things were different this time. The grimm looked mostly the same as it had all the other times Kazuki had made it while practicing and such. However, there was a slight shine to the creature's eyes, ominous despite the lifeless way it stood in its stick thin legs.

Kazuki looked at it for a long moment, looking to the side towards Aizawa once more. The hero was feeling a little nervous, he noticed, and wary, but overall he didn't seem to feel too bad. His teacher nodded once more, and Kazuki took a deep breath in.

'Moment of truth,' he thought, looking at the creature and giving it a single command.

Then, the grimm looked up, opened its jaws and screamed. Immediately, he felt the difference. Or, maybe it was more accurate to say that his teacher did, because he felt the exhaustion suddenly creep into the man's sense through his Quirk. Kazuki grinned slightly. It worked.

Then he frowned.

It had worked, but the design didn't click. It wasn't finished. There was something missing there, he knew, but what he didn't know was what. Letting it dissolve, he frowned at the spot where the creature had been. 'What do I have to do for it to click into place? What do I need to do for the design to be perfect?' he wondered.

'Another emotion?' he thought, steeling his resolve to do just that. It sucked, but if he could get some results, it might help motivate him to put up with it. So… he reached for something a little harsher than just exhaustion. He reached for sadness… And then he stopped.

'What if it's not an emotion, but a combination…?' he wondered. 'Fuck, this is going to suck,' he added then, grimacing. Taking a deep breath in, he reached inside the negativity pool once more, towards more than one node this time. Sadness, exhaustion, boredom, frustration… He needed all of those to create something else.

Depression.

'It's the Quirk, not me,' he told himself, pushing through as he pulled on the strings and the emotions filled him. All he wanted was to curl up on the floor and cry, but he wouldn't. They weren't his emotions, they weren't even someone else's emotions, they were just that, emotions, plain and simple.

They were a resource, nothing else.

So, he used them as such, slowly creating the grimm again. It took him no time at all to notice that things were going differently. Not on how the grimm looked, but that the design felt much more natural this way. This was the way it was supposed to be. 'It's working, keep going,' he told himself, even as the feelings tried to drag him down.

Eventually, thankfully, the grimm was finished once more.

Taking a moment to get it together again, Kazuki commanded the creature to scream once more. He knew, as he heard the cry, that the thing was done. He could only hope that the process would be easier now that the design was done and after getting some practice, because that had been awful.

"A strong one," Aizawa commented some time after the grimm stopped its scream. "Many villains would just drop at that."

"Better be strong, with how much it sucked to make it," Kazuki grumbled. "How strong?"

"It will definitely have an effect, even against those that have a strong enough will… That's what I think," his teacher told him, making him nod. It'd work as crowd control and maybe even for single targets, although it'd depend. As it was… Kazuki was happy. "Do you have a name in mind?"

"Yeah…" he commented, looking at the new grimm's shining eyes. "Apathy."

[}-o-{]

"Doing better?"

"Mhm."

"Glad to hear, I guess," Kazuki commented, looking at Hagakure as she hugged a puppy beowolf to her chest. They were both sitting outside Hound Dog's office after the invisible girl had her session. Kazuki could have gone in already, but his friend had come out feeling a little down, if better than before, when he felt her emotions spike as she spoke with the counselor.

So, he'd decided to wait a bit and help his friend before going in. Hound Dog hadn't called him in or anything, so it was probably fine. He guessed the hero knew what was going on and approved… Either that or he'd be told something when he finally went in.

"Thanks," the invisible girl told him, and he could almost hear the smile on her face, even if she wasn't feeling great. "I appreciate this… I always wanted a dog, you know?"

"You can't keep it," he replied with a grin.

"But I'll take him on walks and all!"

"... him?" he asked, his expression turning confused. Did she really just do that?

"He looks like a he, so he's a he," she said, as if that made any sense. "You sure I can't take him?"

"I'd let you, but I'm pretty sure that'd count as public use of my Quirk, which is kind of a no-no. You live further than I can reach with my range anyway," he pointed out, and he was pretty sure she was pouting, even if he couldn't see it. "Sorry to disappoint."

"It's not fair," she whined, pressing the poor creature even harder against her. Although, to be fair, Kazuki thought it was a bit of a shame that he couldn't quite feel through his grimm as much as he sometimes wanted. "Not fair at all."

"That's just life," he told her, leaning back against his seat. "Things are going well then?" he asked softly, causing a small spike of emotion before it went away. He almost apologized just for that, but Hagakure beat him to the punch.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think it's helping," she told him and he found it difficult to place what her voice was sounding like. It was soft but… it didn't seem sad, but something like that. "I've been feeling better. Besides, I'm doing better with my training too, so I… I feel less helpless."

"I'm glad to hear that," he told her with a grin. "And don't we know it? You'll leave us blind before too long. Just please don't make it permanent," he commented.

Hagakure had been doing better and better. It turned out that she was right and she had been able to make her finger shine that one time. Now, after some time working on it, she was getting better, causing flashes of light and such. She also said it was even enough to lit up dark places, which was surprising, since there shouldn't have been enough light in, say, her room at night for her to do much with.

Yaoyorozu had reasoned that she used her whole body to gather light with, so it made sense that she could make a stronger light than one would expect if she focused all that in a single spot. It was as good a theory as any, and Hagakure had confirmed that the light she could get in dark spaces was much weaker than normal. Maybe there was a bit of Quirk bullshit applied to that, Kazuki supposed. After all, Quirks could be all sorts of strange and nonsensical.

He would know.

"I make no promises," she commented, bringing his mind back to the present. Then she sighed, slumping down. "I think I should go now. You have to have your session and I have… I have things to do too."

"Sure, don't have too much fun, yeah?"

"No promises about that either. I still have to catch up with you in the game," she told him and he could almost see her sticking out her tongue. He wasn't sure if it actually happened, but he liked thinking it did. "Thanks for accompanying me and all," she added as she stood up. "I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it," he told her, standing up too and placing a hand on her shoulder. "If you need anything, just ask, ok? That's what friends are for, pretty sure."

"I will," she replied, giving him a quick hug. "Same for you, Endo."

"I'll try to remember."

"There's no try-"

"I'm gonna stop you there for the sake of the moment we are having, Bubbly."

"Fine, ruin my fun, why don't you?"

A minute later, he walked inside Hound Dog's office.

"What'll it be today, Endo?" the man asked him, sounding like he was in a good mood.

"I'm still very nervous about the Sports Festival," he answered, groaning as he sat on the couch in front of the counselor. "I know we've talked about this but-"

"But this is a very important moment for you. You want it to go well," Hound Dog told him, making him grimace. He was becoming predictable, he supposed. "You have to remember that even if things go badly, you have years here still and then out there to show them that they are wrong. No matter what, you are not alone, Endo. You have this institution's and its staff's support. You have friends that will stand by you, even if somehow things end up badly."

"I know that, I just… I can't shake the feeling that if I fail now, I'm screwed," he said, placing his head on his hands and covering his eyes. "I know I'm being dramatic and wasting your time, sorry."

"Never think you are wasting my time," Hound Dog told him firmly, sitting a little straighter. "Just because your problems aren't as serious as you think they are, or as someone else's, doesn't mean they aren't problems, or that they are irrelevant. They are important to you, therefore they are important."

"You are not selling me that, you know?" Kazuki asked with a weak smile. "It feels like it'd be self-centered to see things like that."

"All extremes are bad, have you heard that?" Hound Dog replied, amused. "Don't try and twist it into a bad thing just to keep feeling bad, Endo. You've been doing very well, between our sessions and your effort. Don't let the Sports Festival ruin things for you."

"I'm trying. I thought that if I worked harder, maybe then I'd… I don't know, feel more confident."

"Sometimes, things like this aren't that rational," Inui told him sympathetically. "You'll do fine, Endo, and if you don't, it won't be the end of the world. You are a student, you are supposed to learn here, be it from your successes or your failures."

"Yeah… Yeah, I guess you are right."

"I should be," the man pointed out. "I'd be a terrible counselor if I didn't know how to give some advice, right?"

"Fair enough," Kazuki replied with a chuckle.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How's it going?

Well, the Apathy is finally ready. That took longer than I thought it would, but it happened. Now Kazuki can focus on some other project… maybe? We'll see. Our boy has plenty of things to work on as it is.

And then there are some nice interactions and slice of life, which is always nice.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

As always, if you can't wait until next week for next chapter, or if you just feel like supporting my writing, there's up to three new chapters in my Pa tre on:

P a treon . com (slash) AdrianKing

Discord Link: discord .gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: Any idea what Kazuki's next grimm will be?

See you.