Chapter 43

Todoroki didn't say anything as they walked back into the building, which he was grateful for. Kazuki barely noticed when Midoriya and Shinso walked past them. That is, until the former grabbed his arm from behind him. In a moment's notice, he found himself looking into green, concerned eyes.

"Are… I mean, you… You fought well, Endo," Midoriya mumbled, apparently having lost his nerve a little after stopping him. Kazuki gave him a stiff nod and a forced smile.

"Thank you. Good luck," he said, almost having to physically push the words out of his mouth. Then he glanced towards Shinso, who was already moving towards the stage. "You know not to-"

"Reply to him," Midoriya mumbled with a nervous smile. Kazuki almost couldn't sense his emotions with how focused he was on everyone else's. "I know."

"Then you don't need luck," he muttered, managing a half-real half-smile this time before taking a deep breath in. "You should go though."

"Right- Er… Right," Midoriya stammered, his head swiveling to look at the stage behind him and then at Kazuki. He looked like he wanted to say something else but then he just nodded and moved out of the building.

"You are not ok," Todoroki commented then, his tone mostly flat but Kazuki picked up some concern there, if not really on his voice.

"No, I'm not," he agreed with a bitter grin and chuckle. "I'm so done with this Festival already," he grumbled, running his fingers through his hair. "Can't finish fast enough."

"Endo," a new voice called and he stiffened.

"Can you go ahead, Todoroki?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah." He nodded. The ice and fire user hesitated a moment, looking at the new arrival for a moment before returning the gesture and moving on. "I'm not about to explode yet."

"Which doesn't mean you don't need some support," Inui commented, leaning against the wall to the side. "Want to talk for a bit?"

"I should watch Midoriya's fight," he answered, gulping. "I know he'll win, but if I don't watch all the fights I might miss something."

"Your friends will tell you. They are plenty and they are smart. I'm sure they'd notice anything you might notice too," Inui told him, walking closer and then planting a hand on his shoulder. "You've never outright avoided talking about something without at least acknowledging there's something to talk about. What's going on?"

"I'm not about to explode yet," Kazuki replied, clenching his hands into fists, letting go and then doing so again. "But I feel like if I don't keep going, keep the momentum, I just might."

"That's not healthy."

"This Festival is not healthy for me," he said, another chuckle escaping his lips. This time though, it was less bitter and more crazed. "I can feel them. Their contempt, their fear, their worries, their disgust, their frustration. The crowd is reacting exactly as I thought they would."

"It's funny that you say that," Inui replied, not at all feeling amused. He felt sad, if nothing else. Kazuki was left confused, by the man's words and his emotions. "Nezu has been doing regular crazy Nezu things and he's been keeping an eye on the crowd… or a thousand eyes, really. Do you know what he's been seeing?"

"The people talking about me, spreading the good word of the lord and destroyer, Black Rampage," he muttered through his teeth. "I can feel them. I don't need to be told-"

"You need to be told that there are people on your side, Endo," Inui interrupted him. "I've been keeping an eye on you, just in case. I've been looking at you as you push through this fear of yours. Aizawa and Yamada have been doing their best to steer the public in your favor. Midnight has been trying to give you a nudge when you need it and watching just in case. Your friends have been supporting you-"

"I know all that!" he exclaimed, a snarl forming on his face and he felt his shadow darkening, the grimm pushing through. "I keep telling myself that! I know! Ok?! I know! I keep reminding myself that, but their fucking emotions keep pushing, keep proding, keep poking! And I'm getting tired of it all! I'm tired!"

He breathed roughly, slowly stepping back until his back hit the wall behind him.

"I'm tired," he mumbled, letting himself fall to the ground and placing his hands on his face. "I keep telling myself I can do this… That I'll do it for the people like me, to spite the public and whatever and I… I just can't, you know? I can't convince myself. I can't do it."

"That's the emotions talking, Endo. Emotions that aren't even yours," Inui told him calmly. Often he would find strength in the man's steady voice. That was not one of those times, however.

"I can't do it," he mumbled. "I'm trying. I really am but-"

"As I was saying before," Inui interrupted, something he didn't do often… or at all. Kazuki didn't remember if he ever had done something like that before that day. Especially when Kazuki was speaking his mind. That was enough to shock him out of it for a bit, long enough to hear the man out. "You have a lot of people supporting you, Endo. Why do you think they are the only ones? Why do you refuse to think there's more people out there on your side?"

"Because people are dumb," he replied, looking up at the man from where he sat on the floor, tears falling from his eyes. "People are dumb and they focus on the bad things instead of the good things. The majority of the crowd could be on my side, but I'd only focus on the bad ones, because that's how we are… And this isn't even that good a situation."

"So… you are going to give up? This is it?"

"I tried," Kazuki said, his voice wavering. "I thought I could do it, but I can't. I'm not good enough for this. I'm not- I just- I can't."

"You can," Inui replied firmly. "I've known you for a while, Endo, and you are one of strongest students I've ever seen. Not because your Quirk is strong, even though it is, but because you have a different kind of strength to everyone else I've seen. You deal with problems that nobody else does. You deal with your problems, plenty as they are, and you deal with others' too. That's a hero if I've ever seen one, Endo."

"I don't feel like a hero," Kazuki told the man, closing his eyes. "... It was nice, you know? To hear people tell me I could be a hero, that I was like a hero, that I was a hero… It gave me hope… I thought I could use that to help me keep going when I was faced with… this," he explained, throwing an arm to the side to signal the stadium. "But-"

"He was a kid, man," a voice interrupted him then, making him blink. Looking up, he saw Inui holding up his phone. "Leave him be. How old could he have been when that happened?"

"Looks like he's doing well for himself, if he's in the Hero Course of all places," another voice said, a woman this time. She sounded… curious, happy, maybe even impressed.

"Right? Can't believe it, but I guess he decided to do some good. Good for him," another woman said, probably replying to the previous one.

"Did you see that giant snake thing! It was the coolest!" a kid exclaimed then.

"Nah, you are just saying that because you have snake eyes. The werewolf thing though? That was cool," another seemed to reply.

"Well, let's see if he can make up for everything," a man took over then. "He seems to be trying though, which is more than I can say about the rest of his kind."

"And there's many more," Inui told him after pressing a button on the phone and making the voices – Recordings? – go silent. "That doesn't mean anything to you, Endo? The support you are getting, is it meaningless?"

He didn't answer. His mind was a mess. One corner kept telling him to keep going, repeating what he'd tried to convince himself of through the whole day. There were people on his side. Fuck the crowd. He could make it without them…

And then there was another much louder voice telling him that his efforts didn't matter. The world would hate him anyway and he knew it'd get to him, no matter how much he tried to ignore it. Because his Quirk was like that. It couldn't be ignored and it couldn't be contained.

"Don't give up, Endo, because I believe in you and everyone else does too," Inui told him crouching in front of him and placing his hairy hand on his shoulder. "You can give up if you want to, however. It's something you can do. You've gotten far into this Festival and you've done spectacularly. I'm sure there are heroes that will send requests for you as it is."

"I sense a but coming there," he mumbled weakly.

"But I think it'd be a shame," Inui told him with a nod. "I think it'd be a shame for you not to show the world what you can really do. I think it'd be a shame for you not to prove to them and to yourself how far you can go and how good you can be," he explained, squeezing his shoulder. "I think you deserve that, to have the world know who you are, who you really are."

"The world doesn't want to know who I am, Inui," he said with a bitter smile. "They don't care. I was a fool to think I could make it when they don't care."

"Then show them anyway. Show them until they can do nothing but acknowledge you. Show them the hero you can be, so hard that they won't have any option but to admit that they were wrong," Inui told him firmly. "You can be a great hero, Endo. If you give up here or not, please don't give up on being a hero. The world needs heroes like you."

He didn't say anything once more, just sitting there. He wasn't even thinking, or processing the emotions around him. Kazuki just stayed there, without moving and just… letting time pass.

"I want to be that person," he said once he found his voice again, even if it was barely a whisper that left his lips. "I want to be who you think I can be. I want to be who my friends think I can be. I want to be like that, I do… But I don't know how."

"You don't need to do anything, Endo," Inui told him and if he had a normal face, Kazuki was sure the man would be smiling. "You've been that person for as long as I've known you. The only thing you have to do is keep going. Don't let them win. Don't let your Quirk win. Be yourself, and don't stop being yourself. That's all I ask of you."

"Can I know?" he asked then, letting his head fall back against the wall and his eyes locked on the ceiling above them. "That day, when I called Aizawa and you went to help… He told me I was a hero… Can I know… what happened?"

"You saved someone that day, Endo," Inui told him. "You saved someone that needed help and that had no one. You were there for someone when they needed a hero. You were someone's hero that day. That's why I know you can be a hero. Because you already are."

Kazuki took a deep breath in.

And then he chuckled.

"I'm pathetic."

"You aren't pathetic for having a moment of weakness. We all have them. What matters is if we let them get to us or if we overcome them," Inui told him and Kazuki nodded, although he wasn't sure why he did that. Was he agreeing with the man? Was he acknowledging another of his many points? Was he just nodding to himself?

"If I don't have at least one request after this, I swear to God," he grumbled, closing his eyes and then starting to push himself up. Beside him, Inui chuckled before palming his back.

"I'm sure there'll be at least one, don't worry," the man told him and he was confident. Kazuki hadn't picked a single lie during that whole time. "Go and show them, Endo."

"Thanks… For this and for everything. I don't know if I'll ever thank you enough for what you've done and probably will do for me, Inui," he said, gulping down a knot in his throat.

"It's what I'm here for," the hero told him. "Now go wash your face and get your head back in the game, yeah? I have money placed on this."

That should have annoyed him, he supposed, but instead it just made him laugh. It was so randomly thrown in that he didn't know if it was true or if that was just a joke to get him to loosen up. Ultimately, he didn't think it mattered.

"I guess I have to give it my all then," he mumbled with a weak smile.

"I know you can do it. Do I look like I make sucker bets?"

"Do you want an honest answer or a nice answer?"

"That's the brat I know," Inui told him, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a light shake. "Now, go."

"You'll watch my back?"

"That's what I'm here for. That's what we are all here for."

Kazuki nodded then, taking a deep breath in and then starting to walk once more. Maybe he could do it, maybe he couldn't. However, he owed it to Inui and everyone else to at least try, he supposed. 'Don't forget your reasons,' he thought to himself, going over everything. How he wanted to prove that there was more to him than the Black Rampage. How he wanted to prove to everyone that people like him could be someone. How he wanted to show them that it didn't matter if they weren't on his side.

Maybe he doubted those reasons. Maybe they weren't enough to keep him strong without a push or two… But they were his reasons all the same. He just needed to keep thinking about them and keep going.

'Maybe I'm not as strong as I need to be yet,' he thought, and he meant that in more ways than one. 'But maybe I will be, one day.' For the moment, he needed to win Inui a bet.

That could be a good thank you, he supposed.

[}-o-{]

'God, I'm a mess,' he thought, looking at the mirror across him in the restroom. Water was still dripping from his face as he rested his hands beside the sink. Taking a deep breath in and then letting it out, he moved to dry himself and then go back to the watching section. 'Come on, Kazuki, you can do-'

"I'm scared a lot," a voice said as soon as he came out, making him jump.

"For fuck's sake, don't do that to me, Midoriya," he cursed, placing a hand on his chest. "What the fuck?"

"S-Sorry," the other boy stammered then, looking about as panicked as Kazuki had been a moment before. "I just- I mean, I wanted to- I didn't want to-" he continued, stumbling over his words in a very Midoriya way. After a moment though, he squared his shoulders and looked firmly towards Kazuki. It was… very unlike him, that. "I heard the end of your talk with Inui-sensei. I'm sorry."

"... Your fight must have been short," Kazuki said then, continuing to dry his face. He wanted to say a whole lot more than just that but… He couldn't really be angry, he supposed. They'd been there in the open and things had kind of… escalated quickly. He didn't think they could have just taken the conversation somewhere more private at any point without ruining things or something.

And he just couldn't be angry at Midoriya really. It was like looking at a nervous, panicking puppy, honestly.

"That- I mean… Yeah, it was," the other boy mumbled, clearly having expected other things.

"... You said something about being scared," Kazuki said, feeling very tired as he turned and started walking back to where their classmates were. His emotions were all over the place and he was very, very weary after getting through to that point in the Festival. 'And there's a bunch of fights left still,' he groaned internally.

"I'm scared a lot," Midoriya repeated with a nod as he started walking beside him. "I don't know if I can be as good as others think I can. But… I want to be. I really want to be like that. It's my dream, what I've always wanted, so… So I'll keep trying until I'm that person."

"I guess we are similar that way," Kazuki replied, but he wasn't sure if that was the case. Call him arrogant, but he thought there was more of a mess on his side of things.

"I guess you have a harder time since… Since you can feel people thinking badly of you, but I can't and I… I always think I'm letting people down. I'm so far from where I want to be. And it feels like I'll never get there," Midoriya told him, soldiering on and Kazuki had to give him that. That sounded pretty close to how he felt. "So… We can keep trying together, is what I'm trying to say… If that helps."

"I think it does," Kazuki told the green-haired boy. "If our situations are as similar as you make it sound-" he added then, looking up a little as they walked. He didn't think they were, but then again, he didn't know Midoriya all that well. Maybe he was wrong, he supposed. He could give the other boy the benefit of the doubt. "-then I guess maybe you are stronger than I am."

"I-I don't think I am," Midoriya denied. "You must know, r-right? I'm so afraid all the time, so nervous. And you are-"

"Better at hiding it, when I'm really nervous," Kazuki told him with a smile. "I've been more of a mess during this event than you've ever been, Midoriya, I can tell you that. And believe me, I know that much."

"Well, I'm more of a mess regularly," Midoriya countered, making him chuckle.

"I guess you got a point there," he agreed. "Both of us are a mess then."

"Yeah…" Midoriya nodded, his lips twitching up. "Do you… think we will stop being messes?"

"God, I hope so."

"Yeah, same."

[}-o-{]

"Endo?" Yaoyorozu asked and Kazuki knew instantly, as he sat down, that they'd talked about him. All of them were concerned, for one, and for another, he could also see it on their faces.

"I'm a mess, but I'm dealing with it," he told them. "Sorry the motivational speech didn't last long, Hagakure."

"Just means I have to give you another," the invisible girl told him and there wasn't even a tinge of annoyance there. He was very grateful for that.

"Inui beat you guys to it… and Midoriya too, a little."

"Well, hopefully you won't need another then," Jiro said, twirling one of her lobes. "But if you do, let us know."

"I'll keep that in mind," Kazuki replied weakly, looking over the railing towards the stage. Monoma was fighting Tokoyami… and winning, by the looks of it. He was blocking Dark Shadow with the air barriers from his classmate's Quirk while trying to get closer. He seemed to have copied Yanagi's Quirk too, because he was throwing debris at Tokoyami too.

He was one tough powerhouse, that was for sure. After all, Tokoyami was no slouch. He was no Todoroki or Bakugo, but he was far from a weakling, Kazuki would admit. Seeing him struggle like this… Well, facing Monoma was like facing several people at once, he supposed, even if he wasn't using Quirks that were all that strong.

No offense to Yaoyorozu, but Kazuki wouldn't be at all surprised if Monoma was the one to make it to the finals on that branch of the tournament. It was something to keep in mind, at the very least. And wasn't that annoying? He'd have to keep track of every Quirk around to make sure he wouldn't be surprised by some ace up the other boy's sleeves.

"Didn't think Tokoyami would get his ass handed to him like this," Mineta commented, drawing some agreeing responses from the group around him. "You brought a monster to the final event, Creepy. I hope you are happy."

"I mean, without that monster, I might not have reached this far myself," he replied wryly. He took a moment off of spectating the fight to close his eyes and take a deep breath in. That wasn't a good idea. All it did was bring the bad emotions even more to the forefront of his mind. And yet, he couldn't push it off by focusing on the fight either.

He had to wonder when the last time he was under so much negativity was. Juvie hadn't been as bad as things were then and there. 'The Rampage, probably,' he thought. If that wasn't a sad sign, then he didn't know what was.

"Who's after this again?" he asked, wondering if his voice sounded as tired as he thought it did.

"Kendo and I," Yaoyorozu answered and he held back a grimace. Evidently, even when his expression didn't so much as twitch, his friend read him like a book anyway. "You can miss the fight. I won't be offended. I know this must be hard for you."

"I… You sure?" he asked, not even being able to muster the will to argue against that. He needed to do things, move around or something. He needed to try and find something to keep his mind off or he'd go mad.

"I am," she reassured him, smiling warmly at him. It was still weird, to see people be so… nice towards him. Weird, but good, for sure. "Do what you need to."

"I'll record the fights, if you want," Jiro offered. "Your fight is the one after hers though."

"Yeah, I'll just… go get myself a drink or something," he mumbled, standing up and feeling like shit. "Sorry, Yao-"

"Don't worry," the girl interrupted, placing a hand on his arm softly and still smiling at him. "I understand. I'm not angry at all."

And she meant that, because he couldn't pick up a single bad emotion at all from her.

"Thank you, for being so understanding," he replied, doing his best to return her smile. As it turned out, it wasn't so bad. For whatever reason, that seemed to make her smile even wider. He didn't quite get why, but he wasn't in a state that allowed much thought, he supposed. If she was happy, then good.

As he walked, he tried to stop his hands from shaking. He was a mess and nothing would change that. No matter how many times he motivated himself. No matter how many times other people talked to him. His Quirk's sensing would just keep pressing, wearing him down little by little. Every second he felt what little stability he managed to build up crumble faster than before.

One step forward and three backwards.

So, as he got a drink from a vending machine, he held it and smiled bitterly. His day was just destined to suck, it seemed. And yet, people kept trying to help him, even when it was useless. It just made him feel worse, in the end.

"Is it your turn to give me a pep-talk?" he asked, not turning towards the person that stood next to him.

"I'll just get a drink myself, if it's all the same to you," Mineta answered.

Somehow, that made him smile.

So, Kazuki stood there while his friend did as he said. Once he was done, he gave him a nod and then looked to the corridor they were in. After a moment of hesitation, he started walking. He was going nowhere in particular though. He just wanted to keep moving so that maybe he wouldn't be trapped in his own mind. Mineta, for his part, simply followed, walking beside him in silence.

Somehow, that felt like one of the best things anyone had done for him that day.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How's it going?

I know people won't be fans of this. Too much angst and what not. Well… I did put angst as one of the tags for this in FFN. Also, I'd try to get used to it. This is kind of a necessity considering Kazuki's Quirk.

If you didn't like it, then I'm sorry, but you should have seen this coming.

I mention this a bunch of times, especially in this chapter, but the effects of Kazuki's Quirk and a constant stream of bad emotions flowing through you can't be something that you just brush aside or ignore. A pep talk can help, certainly, but it doesn't make the problem go away. It's treating the symptoms, but the disease is always there.

It's depressing, but it's how things are.

Despite all this, I hope you liked the chapter.

As always, if you can't wait until next week for next chapter, or if you just feel like supporting my writing, there's up to three new chapters in my Pa tre on:

P a treon . com (slash) AdrianKing

Discord Link: discord .gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: How's that Top 3 looking, eh, guys?

See you.