Chapter 51

Kazuki sat outside of Hound Dog's office, looking over his list of internship offers. He'd checked with his phone on some of them and made some notes in a notebook himself. Just a few minutes before though, Midoriya had made an heroic appearance (sort of), texting him his analysis on them in general and according to what they could offer Kazuki himself.

It was… really good, actually. If the guy went ahead with that kind of work for everyone that asked him? Then they'd have to do something nice for him, because holy shit. He was going all out.

He was still sending stuff.

'Definitely gotta do something nice for the green guy,' Kazuki decided, devouring the analysis and trying to compare it with what he'd discussed with Inui. After that, he'd probably continue doing his own research and add to that whatever Aizawa suggested later.

He had a lot of stuff to look through in what little time they had to make a decision.

For the moment, he took a break from that to lean back on the slightly uncomfortable chair and massaged the bridge of his nose and his eyelids. He went to let out a weary breath before pausing as he heard a hum from his side. Turning, he saw Hagakure humming a song he didn't know to herself while hugging and petting the puppy beowolf he'd made for her when she was done with her own session.

"Having fun?" he asked, making her stop and turn towards him.

"Boy, am I?!" she exclaimed and he could almost see the smile on her face. He wished he could, really. Hagakure seemed like the kind of person that could just brighten a room with a smile. Hell, she could do it without one, literally and metaphorically speaking. It wasn't much of a stretch to assume as he did. "Session was good. I'm getting over… my hang ups," she commented, her mood dimming the smallest bit, which worried him a bit. She bounced right back afterwards though. "I'm doing better."

"I'm glad to hear that," he replied with a smile of his own. It wasn't much of one. He wasn't feeling great that day and he suspected that he wouldn't for a while, but he was feeling… better, he supposed. "Maybe you won't even need counseling anymore soon."

For whatever reason, she seemed disappointed to be told that.

"I guess you are right," she replied, her mood decidedly subdued. Kazuki was really confused by that, which must have shown, because then the girl continued talking. Or maybe she just figured he'd feel the change. "I guess I'm… a little sad about that. Not about recovering, of course, but this was a part of my day I looked forward to. It helped a lot, so I kind of… started liking coming, I guess."

"Well, Inui isn't just a therapist, or so I'm told. You can come for advice on stuff, according to him. Although, I imagine it must be mainly for advice regarding school stuff unless it's serious," he told her, making her perk up a little. To be honest, he wouldn't mind some company with his visits.

"I think I like the sound of that."

"He'll get tired of the lot of us, I feel," Kazuki commented, getting a giggle out of Hagakure. He would never get tired of hearing his friends laugh when he said something, or smile, or just… Any kind of positive feedback that he could see, or hear in this case. Because he lived with reminders of the negativity he could inflict on others. Maybe he'd annoy someone doing something, or sadden them, or disappoint them. He could catch every single one of those instances even if they hid it, or didn't even really care enough to show it, even if they were minimal.

Positive emotions, however, eluded him. They were rarer and hidden from his senses. So, having proof that he could bring up positive emotions in others was… It was an amazing feeling.

"I don't think you have to worry about that, Endo," Inui said from the door while Todoroki walked out. "I don't get nearly as much work as I probably should, so I don't mind helping you or your friends, even with less important things," the man told him – them, really – with a smile. It was reassuring to hear, Kazuki would admit. "Now, I believe that's all of you, unless you brought someone else other than Todoroki here?"

"Maybe next time," he commented jokingly. However, he could try to get other people to come for a visit. God knew there were many students he thought needed to talk with Inui. The man could make anyone feel better.

That only got a chuckle and a shake of the counselor's head while Hagakure giggled again.

"We'll try our best to drag other unsuspecting students to your clutches, Inui," the invisible girl said.

"Thank you, Hagakure," the man said dryly. "Now, off you go. This is not a hang out spot."

"Could have fooled me," Kazuki replied, but he did set his things back inside his backpack and stood up. "We do have places to be though, I guess. If I can even leave the school."

"Hm, maybe I can help you with that then, since there's nobody else here right now," Inui offered while Kazuki felt his phone vibrate with a new message. Curiously, he went to check it while opening his mouth to accept the help. However, he closed it again a second later.

"Taken care of already," he read in the message from Nezu. He'd forgotten he even had the man's number, actually. It had come with his phone, along with the numbers of his handlers and others he might need, but he never used most of those other than for sending proof of where he was and such.

"The headmaster says it's handled," he commented, not looking up from the screen. A moment later, he sent a 'thank you' in response before looking up. "Thanks for the offer though, Inui."

"Here to help, Endo. See you next time then."

And that was that, while they went to leave the school. They'd be meeting the rest of their friends in an agreed spot and this was kind of an important day, since Todoroki was joining them outside for the first time. Not everyone knew what was up with him, but they were friendly or perceptive enough to agree to make a little more of an effort for this outing.

Kazuki just had great friends all around, really.

"I know you don't have faith in people, Endo. But we do have your back," Nezu wrote back to him, making him blink. Well, that looked very blunt, especially the first part. "You've been doing a great job so far. Much better than I had anticipated, which doesn't happen often," the principal continued, which made him both curious and a little confused. "It's also a little late, but I wanted to congratulate you on winning the Sports Festival, Endo. Keep it up."

He read those messages and, even after putting the phone away and even talking with his two friend, Kazuki couldn't help but repeat them in his mind. Nezu was a strange… guy, animal or whatever. He'd just dropped by one day at juvie, gotten him out and offered him a dream of an opportunity. And then, he'd just dropped off the face of Earth until that day. He was pretty sure he hadn't traded one word with the principal at all since he'd accepted the offer.

"Thank you. I'll do my best," he replied after some time, uncertainly.

"They are just the best," Hagakure said from off to the side, squishing the puppy in her arms so hard Kazuki wondered if it'd turn to dust. "They are soft and nice and cute. What's not to love?"

"Hm, if you said so," Todoroki replied, his expression flat as usual. "Maybe I'll ask for one. They do look… comforting."

"Just say the word, man. Do you want a beowolf or something else?" Kazuki asked, bringing attention back to himself. He raised an eyebrow at the half and half boy, a curious smile on his face. He hoped he didn't look like he was mocking him though. God knew he'd used his own puppy grimm for comfort himself.

"Hm… What do you think?" he shot back with a tilt of his head.

"Oh, oh, I know!" Hagakure exclaimed, bouncing on her feet excitedly and raising her arm as if she were in class. "The King Taijitu!"

"That's… the snake one, right?" Todoroki asked, his expression turning thoughtful when Kazuki nodded. "I guess it's fitting, half white, half black," he added, running a hand through his hair as if to make the "fitting" part more obvious. "Yeah, maybe that one."

"I mean, if you like the idea, sure," Kazuki replied. "Doesn't really have to fit you."

"Hm, I'll think about it."

[}-o-{]

Some time later and without any grimm puppies in sight, since they were now out and in public, they walked into a particular store.

"We shouldn't be surprised that the rich girl knows how to play the piano, right?" Kazuki commented, making their friends at Jiro's music store turn towards them. "Way to play into those stereotypes, huh?"

"I guess I can't argue with that," the aforementioned rich girl replied bashfully.

"Nothing wrong with that," he added. He'd meant it more as a joke than anything. "You play really well too," he praised, knowing that'd bring her mood up. For someone as talented as she was, Yaoyorozu was very insecure, he'd learned. Having gotten a smile from the girl, he mentally patted himself on the back.

"Say, my father has been waiting to hear you again, or so he tells me," Jiro told him, a smudge of annoyance in her voice. "I'm opening with that because I know he'll be annoying if I don't get you to play."

"I have no problem with that," he replied with a smile. Then his expression dimmed the smallest bit. "I kind of want to play something, actually," he added, getting some interested looks from the rest of their friends. He didn't answer the unspoken questions though.

"Sure thing. The usual?" Jiro asked, moving to pick up the violin he always played, to which he nodded with a small smile. It wasn't a sad smile, but it wasn't a happy one either. Bittersweet at best, he'd say.

He took the instrument then, taking a moment to look at it.

"I'm disappointed."

With a deep breath in, he prepared himself and then just started playing. He hadn't played the song in forever, it felt, but it was the one he'd learned the best. Even better than the one he'd wanted to play for his mother. It was, after all, the song he'd learned after that. The one song he'd started to learn and play when it started to sink in that maybe nobody would ever like him.

The song of a cursed child, he liked to think.

He closed his eyes and he could almost picture himself back then, practicing and practicing without stopping. He'd played the song until it hurt. He'd played the song because it hurt. He'd played the song because he was hurting, angry and sad.

And so Kazuki played it.

He messed up several times, rusty as he still was. He'd never been a master player of any kind and the song was notoriously difficult. He continued playing, however. 'Fix it next time,' he told himself, and kept going. Because there was nothing worse than stopping mid song and starting all over again or repeating a part.

He preferred to power through, even if the song was ruined by mistakes. At least, that way, he wouldn't frustrate himself into giving up if a part gave too much trouble. Life was hard enough. If he stopped at any setback, then he was screwed. So he felt, even if he hadn't quite carried that attitude through life as he had with music.

He could continue to try, however.

Kazuki could only try.

Eventually, he finished the song. His arms felt tired, numb. His back was sweating. His breathing was ragged and his eyes didn't focus on anything. It took him a long moment to get it together, a long silent moment, but he wasn't focusing on that.

"Fucking hell, I suck," he cursed under his breath, deflating a little as he finally relaxed completely. He needed to start practicing that piece more. That was just embarrassing.

"What the fuck?" one of his friends exclaimed, making all of then turn towards the person with wide eyes. After all, it wasn't everyday that one heard Momo Yaoyorozu curse. "Um, excuse me," she mumbled, coughing behind her fist embarrassedly. "I just… Why would you say that? You were great."

"There were like a ton of mistakes," he answered, rolling his eyes. "I never got it perfectly, but I was much better than that when I was a kid," he muttered. Setting the violin down, he sighed. "I'm rusty as all hell."

"To quote Beauty, what the fuck, man?" Mineta asked, making him groan. "I mean, if you say so, and all that, but that sounded amazing to me. What was that?"

"My song," he answered, looking at the instrument.

"You wrote it?" Hagakure asked excitedly, to which he snorted.

"I wish," he said, chuckling. "No, it's just something I started practicing way back. I started calling it my song. My favorite piece, the one I played for myself."

"Does it have a name?" Jiro asked, staring at him intently, as if that way she could get all the information she wanted out of him. He gave her an amused smile at the intensity.

"Devil's Trill Sonata," he answered, taking a deep breath in, still recovering.

"Well, if I may," Todoroki said, interrupting questions that Kazuki didn't feel ready to answer. He was a bro like that, he supposed, even if he probably had no idea the bullet he'd helped Kazuki dodge. He'd have to do something nice for him, if he kept that up. "It was a beautiful piece. I really enjoyed listening to it."

"As did I," Jiro's father said from off to the side. "God, kid, if you keep this up, I'll give you the thing just to keep you playing for me."

"I'm saving to buy it, actually, but it'll take a while," Kazuki commented with a smile. "These things are entirely too expensive."

"Well, let me know when you are close, I can give you a friend's discount," the man told him with a good natured laugh. "Or maybe family's discount, eh, Kyo?" he added, winking at his daughter who turned bright red.

There were small spikes of emotion coming from Hagakure and Yaoyorozu then, which he supposed were commiserating with the poor, very embarrassed girl. Kazuki laughed at the joke with the man anyway, but he did make a note to not make that kind of joke himself. No need to cause that kind of reaction. Not that he would have, but it was good to know anyway.

"The friend's discount sounds good, sir," he replied, getting a raised eyebrow from the man.

"Didn't I tell you not to call me sir, kid?" the man asked, a tiny amount of annoyance spiking in him.

"You did… sir," Kazuki replied, getting a groan out of him.

[}-o-{]

"What I mean, to say, is that, just because your Quirk isn't as strong as others, it doesn't mean you are weak, Tiny," Kazuki said, rolling his eyes as he waved his hand holding a glass with soda. "Look at Bakugo. What's he gonna do if you get him stuck? Blow himself up?"

"He might," Jiro replied, drawing laughs and giggles.

"You are not wrong, but my point stands," Kazuki commented with a chuckle. "Todoroki would wreck you, but Bakugo is around the same level and you could screw him over. Any Quirk can be a game changer in the right situation."

"I get it, I get it, sheesh," Mineta muttered, annoyed, but not nearly as much as he showed, like usual. "I just said I'm not Sports Festival winner material, not that I sucked or anything."

"Empath, Tiny," Kazuki reminded him, drawing an embarrassed blush from his friend. He grinned at his own victory before continuing. "So, yeah, I'm not gonna let you beat yourself up. You are an U.A. student. Do you think they pick just anyone for a spot in their hero course? Have some faith, man."

"If this is the treatment we can expect from punching Shinso, then I'm kicking him where nobody should be kicked next time I see him," Hagakure commented, drawing a laugh from both Mineta and Kazuki.

"Hagakure!" Yaoyorozu exclaimed, scandalized, which only made them laugh harder.

"That's more than what… Tiny did," Todoroki pointed out, pausing at the nickname for a second. He seemed entirely too serious trying to use them even though it was painfully obvious that he didn't completely get what that was all about. "Is that for anything in particular?" he asked, completely sincere curiosity on his part.

However, he didn't realize the spot in which he put the poor invisible girl. Immediately, there was a spike of embarrassment coming from Hagakure and annoyance from Yaoyorozu. Mineta and Jiro, for their part, turned towards the girl with matching grins.

"Yes, Bubbly," Jiro started, leaning towards the invisible girl. "Are you trying to get something from poor Creepy?" she asked, making Hagakure feel even more embarrassed, which was all fine and dandy, but he'd rather not feel that second hand.

"I appreciate the thought, but I think I'd rather nobody else get in trouble," he said then, and he grinned at the way Hagakure deflated in relief. "Did any of you get any of Midoriya's essays, because I swear I owe that guy actual money for the work he put on my internship info. Holy shit."

"Language."

"Way to ruin the fun, Creepy," Mineta commented flatly, but with a grin on his face. "But yeah, he's sending an analysis of the forty general offers that the school has for those without actual offers," he added. "Guy is a life saver. A true hero without cape."

"He doesn't have a cape as part of his costume, no," Todoroki commented, the saying flying over his head.

"Heroes without capes is what people call others when they are very helpful, or generally act hero like or "hero like" without being actual heroes," Kazuki explained. "Like Mineta, being a hero without cape when he punched the mean villa-I mean, Shinso," he added with a chuckle.

"Ah, I think I understand," the half and half boy replied, his expression flat even though Kazuki picked up some shame there.

"Don't worry about it, man. I miss some stuff at times too. Not every saying I know is… child friendly, considering around half of my life was spent around criminals," he reassured, leaning forward to pick up one of the snacks they'd gotten for themselves. "We'll be learning together at times. If you don't get something, just ask, yeah?"

"Ok," Todoroki said with a nod. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he waved off, taking a sip from his drink.

"Actually, could I talk to you, Endo?... In private?" the boy asked, making him turn to give him more attention. The rest of the table was obviously curious, but they remained silent… even if they were staring.

"Sure thing, man," he agreed easily and they stood up, moving further away. A look to Jiro showed him how she capped her jacks, something that he knew meant she couldn't hear more than normal. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to… talk, about some things. I talked with Inui and it was… helpful," the boy told him, hesitantly. "I wanted to talk to you about some of them too but…"

"Not with the others around. I get that," he finished, trying to put his best understanding expression.

"Indeed," the other boy agreed with a nod. "I… went to visit my mother."

"How'd it go?" Kazuki asked then, holding back a grimace.

"Sorry, for not having been able to keep this from happening. I'm sorry for contributing to this. To all his victims, I'm sorry."

"It went… better than I expected," Todoroki answered and Kazuki smiled for his friend, even if he felt a stab of bitterness himself. The guy had nothing to do with his situation though, he deserved better than him being envious. He'd come out of a shitty situation, after all. Kazuki's dream was to help those like him, like them, so he'd be happy for Todoroki and that would be that. "We talked a bit and she seemed… better. I wish I had gone sooner."

"Well, you've got plenty of time to catch up," Kazuki pointed out, drawing a smile from Todoroki.

"We do," the half and half boy agreed, a slight smile forming on his face. "I wanted to thank you, Endo. It's nice to… to be able to talk. So, thank you."

"Don't mention it," he said, palming the other boy's arm. "What are friends for, right?"

"... Indeed."

[}-o-{]

The day had ended and Kazuki felt better in general.

At some point, he'd just… turned back to normal, as it were. He'd smiled honestly, he'd joked freely, he'd felt well and truly himself. There were no muted emotions, even if he still felt his mood drop at times. He was back to the Kazuki Endo he'd been before the Sports Festival.

People hadn't even recognized him, which he'd been a little worried about. Maybe people hadn't expected him to have friends, so some that might have noticed looked away or something like that. Maybe nobody had looked closely enough. Maybe his friends had even helped without him knowing. Regardless of the how or why, he was grateful for the fact that nobody had caused a scene about him and he was able to have a normal day once more.

Coming back home, he'd even done so with a smile on his face, equal parts happy and relieved.

He was even content with how things had gone at school. He'd picked a hero name that he could wear without worrying, even if he wasn't sure if it'd stick. He'd gotten some damn good offers for internships that spoke well for the future he hoped for. He'd trained, and spent time with his friends, and talked with Inui.

So, there he was, ending a good day and hoping for another that would go just as well as that one had.

He took a seat at his table, closed his eyes and looked at the ceiling. The smile on his face remained as he just basked on the good emotions. Not even his Quirk's feedback could mute those down.

He'd thought the world was crashing around him, during and after the Sports Festival. Overwhelmed by negativity, the news and his mother, he'd felt so… heavy. It had felt like nothing good could ever happen again to him, like he was trying to change the course of a river with his hands.

Now though, he was back to feeling well. Maybe there'd be bad moments like those, maybe there'd even be worse ones. However, he felt like they'd end at some point. His life wouldn't crash and burn like that, at least not if he kept going. Like playing the violin, he supposed. There'd be the mess ups and the good parts, he just needed to push through the formers and keep playing.

'I can do that,' he thought, taking a deep breath in and then letting it out. As he deflated though, he felt his good mood go with the air in his lungs. 'I can do it… So why?'

Why indeed.

He was feeling happy. He was feeling hopeful. He was feeling good.

So… why did he reach for the controller?

Why did he turn on the TV?

Why did he hit play?

"I'm disappointed, in UA and in our heroes in general, for allowing a travesty such as this…"

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How's it going?

And everything is well in the world… not.

No, things can't be easy for our boy, evidently. Certainly not that quickly, as you guys probably already know. No, everything is a struggle… At least for now. Who knows? Maybe things will actually get better eventually?

One can hope.

Just like I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.

As always, if you can't wait until next week for next chapter, or if you just feel like supporting my writing, there's up to three new chapters in my Pa tre on:

P a treon . com (slash) AdrianKing

Discord Link: discord .gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: Do you know the Devil's Trill Sonata? I had heard about it in a video forever ago but had never really heard it. I looked it up and it sounded good, so I decided it'd fit well enough for Kazuki.

See you.