Author's Note:

I don't know why it seems to take me so long to update this fic. I wish it didn't. Thank you to everyone who has been patiently waiting for this chapter. I love you guys and I hope you'll like it. We're going to start earning our rating now.

Also I'm sorry if you've left reviews on other fics I've posted in the meantime and I haven't responded. With email notifications not working and all, I've kind of fallen behind and lost track. But thank you, your words are still appreciated!

And thank you to my beta reader Stark as per usual. :)

Chapter Five

Sheldon didn't know how it happened.

Of course he knew that time was relative, but that didn't seem like enough to explain how one minute he was standing outside a bookstore with Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler and the next he was offering to buy her a beverage in a coffee shop a few blocks away. Never once had he thought those words would leave his mouth, and from the stunned look on her face, she neither did she.

And yet, there they were just a few moments later, sitting at a table by the window, tea and tepid water in hand.

"Okay, in a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?" she asked after taking a sip.

"Uganda," he answered easily.

"Defend."

"Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A Central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs."

Their eyes locked across the table and he silently dared her to say he was wrong. When she instead declared him correct, he sat up a little straighter.

"My turn," she prompted, keeping her eyes on him.

"In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument, on what does Scott Joplin play The Maple Leaf Rag?"

"Tuned bayonets."

"Defend."

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked, and he nodded. It was obvious, he shouldn't have bothered challenging her on it. He was too used to playing games with lesser minds like Leonard.

"It's a waste of your intelligence that you're not in a laboratory right now," Sheldon said suddenly, stopping their game. "I'll never understand why you women so easily give up promising careers in the pursuit of a mate."

"Hey, don't pretend you know me, my life, or my pursuits," Amy bristled. "Not that it's any of your business, but my relationship with Prince Faisal was not a love match." She dropped her eyes down to the cup in her hand. His brow furrowed.

"Then why get engaged?" he asked.

"Before he was my fiancé, Faisal was one of the donors for my addiction study," she explained. "He had a keen interest in neuroscience, but became interested in my work specifically, and then just me. I wanted to keep the funding."

Sheldon blinked. He had been wrong about her again. While Amy had scoffed at Penny's dating history the day before, he had assumed it had more to do with the ridiculously high number of men, whereas she herself took the less time-consuming approach of picking one and sticking with him. But she hadn't followed her endocrine system away from science after all. She wasn't a slave to her baser urges. She hadn't been in love with her fiancé. This news made him happy, though he wasn't sure why.

"You don't think he would have continued his financial backing if you had rejected his proposal?"

Amy shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Accepting seemed like a more secure way of ensuring it in the long term. I had no plans to marry anyone. Romantic love is an unnecessary social construct, but science is a worthy cause. Besides, what girl doesn't want to be a princess?"

A warm feeling spread in his chest when he heard her views on romance. Her cool and sensible approach to it was admirable, though the comment about wanting to be a princess gave him pause. Then again, how often had he dreamed about being a superhero, or being part of the crew on Star Trek? He understood what it was like, wanting to be something more than what one was. A little fantasy every now and then was okay. She really was just like him after all.

"Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me."

Their eyes locked again, but this time there was no challenge there. He wasn't sure, but if he had to guess she seemed pleased by his comment. A couple more seconds ticked by. His brain parasite started making itself known again by that weird feeling in his stomach, but now Sheldon found that he didn't really mind it too much. They might have stayed there in companionable silence for the rest of the night if his phone hadn't started ringing.

"Excuse me," Sheldon said, seeing Leonard's name on the screen. Amy gestured for him to go ahead with the call.

"Where the hell are you?" Leonard asked as soon as he picked up. "I've been walking all over this bookstore."

"I'm at a coffee shop with Dr. Fowler," Sheldon explained. "If you take Colorado Boulevard down—"

"You're where with who?!" Leonard nearly shrieked.

"A coffee shop with Dr. Fowler," Sheldon repeated, rolling his eyes. "Do you have bad reception? I can hear you okay."

"Never mind, just tell me what coffee shop and I'll be there in a minute," his friend said. Sheldon gave directions then hung up, turning back to Amy.

"Dr. Hofstadter?" she guessed. He nodded.

"He's on his way here now."

Leonard was almost tempted to text Penny and ask if there was some sort of astrological event going on, because he couldn't think of a single scientific explanation for Sheldon's sudden increasing interest in a member of the opposite sex.

It had been weird enough that he and Dr. Fowler ended up alone together the previous night, but he could at least sort of accept Sheldon's story for that one. Maybe the two of them really had disliked the Athenaeum, maybe Penny really hadn't seen what she thought she saw, maybe the guys really were reading too much into his protests that morning. But now that Sheldon was out with her again, two nights in a row, he couldn't deny it. Despite his reaction in the cafeteria early that day, Sheldon must have taken the conversation to heart and decided he really would take one for the team.

The bookstore patrons skirted around Leonard as he stood frozen in front of a table display of books on health and wellness. His phone was still in his hand since he hung up with Sheldon, caught between putting it back in his pocket or sending that text. Inwardly, his thoughts were racing.

While on the one hand Leonard was relieved that this time he was being spared from the benefactor's interest, on the other hand he was feeling a small surge of protectiveness for his friend. Things were different before, when it was between him and Mrs. Latham. His tryst with her was independent from the donation she ended up making, and he went into it willingly. He had never been able to convince his friends and colleagues of that, but it was the truth. Apparently Dr. Fowler did not operate that way, though, and needed the extra convincing. Even if Sheldon was thinking of this in a purely transactional manner, this was still a big deal for him.

And if the fate of the much-needed donation to the physics department was hanging entirely on Sheldon's untested sexual prowess, his friend might need some help.

But how could he help? Sheldon was already so prickly about the whole thing, it was unlikely he could just talk to him about it.

It was then that Leonard remembered where he was and his surroundings came back into focus. The solution was right there on the table in front of him.

Leonard couldn't meet the cashier's eye as he put the book down at her counter. The title might as well have been a huge neon sign, the way it seemed to broadcast itself to everyone around, or at least that's how it felt to him.

"It's for a friend," Leonard explained unnecessarily. The cashier had not asked.

"Sure it is, honey," she said, scanning the book. He was relieved when she finally slipped it into a bag as he paid. Then, with that slight detour finished, Leonard was on his way to the coffee shop.

The scene he walked in on once there was not unlike the one from the previous night. Sheldon and Dr. Fowler were sitting across from each other, sipping their respective drinks. Sheldon was sliding what appeared to be his business card over to her.

"Talk about déjà vu," Leonard joked as he approached their table. Sheldon stood up immediately and Dr. Fowler followed suit.

"Have a good evening, gentlemen," she said, nodding politely to him as she took her leave. Leonard watched Sheldon watch her go.

"So?" he prompted after Amy was out the door, a huge grin on his face. It took a second for the word to register, but then Sheldon snapped out of whatever trance he was in and started striding towards the door.

"Come along, Leonard, if we hurry we can still play some Halo before my bedtime."

Leonard quickly followed, doubling his pace to keep up. Sheldon still made it to his car before him.

"Look, Sheldon," he said as they both got in and buckled their seatbelts. "I understand this might be hard for you, but I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Sheldon glared while he pulled away from the curb and merged into traffic.

"You and Dr. Fowler."

"What about me and Dr. Fowler?" Sheldon asked. "Just because she happened to be at the bookstore tonight doesn't mean—"

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine," Leonard interrupted him. "But I got a gift for you that should help. It's in the bag in back."

Knowing he would get scolded if he didn't keep his eyes on the road, Leonard watched Sheldon in the periphery as he reached into the backseat, retrieved the bag, and pulled out his book.

"The Joy of Sex?" Sheldon screeched at him. "Are you mad?"

"I just thought if you want to make a . . . compelling argument for that funding," Leonard spoke slowly, trying to be tactful, "it might be useful."

"What would be useful would be you, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali abandoning this nonsense."

Sheldon grumbled the rest of the way home but Leonard managed to tune most of it out. When they exited the vehicle, he couldn't help but notice that the book was nowhere to be seen, as if maybe someone tucked it away in his messenger bag to peruse later.

Sheldon did a double take when he walked by one of the new labs at work the next morning.

"Dr. Fowler?" he asked, pausing in the doorway.

"Dr. Cooper," she greeted him warmly. "I was hoping I would see you today."

"You took my advice." His eyes scanned over the array of state of the art equipment packed in the room and even though he knew it was all likely paid for with the same money they were trying to secure for the physics department, he still nodded his approval. Seeing her like this, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler the research scientist, not the heiress, felt right.

"I did," she said. "I told President Siebert what you said, and he agreed to give me a lab for my new study."

"What will you be studying?" he asked.

"Why don't you come closer and I'll show you?"

Sheldon froze. Something about her tone seemed off. Still, he was intrigued, so he step by step made his way over to her.

"Take a seat," she instructed. He hadn't noticed the chair next to her until she gestured to it.

"Are you making me your first test subject?"

"Will that be a problem?"

"It depends on what the experiment is," he said, but found himself sitting in the chair anyway. She began circling around him.

"I'm going to be studying the physiological effects of arousal through electrode stimulation of the brain's pleasure centers," she explained, leaning in close from behind. "But I see we won't even need the electrodes for you."

Sheldon looked down at his lap and gulped. The setting, her words, and her close proximity were having a physiological effect on him alright. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will the growing erection away, but it was no use.

"No need to be embarrassed, Dr. Cooper," Dr. Fowler practically purred in his ear. "This is exactly what I was hoping for."

She walked back around to stand in front of him, and now Sheldon noticed that she seemed to have nothing on under her lab coat but a bra and panties. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

"Th-that's a safety violation," he stammered, but she ignored him and moved to straddle him in the chair. "And aren't you required to have me sign an informed consent form?"

"Do I have your informed consent?" she asked. One of her hands reached to frame the side of his face while she looked deep into his eyes. Her other hand was resting on his chest where she could no doubt feel his pounding heartbeat. She seemed to be overriding and hijacking every one of his senses, including his common sense. He couldn't think clearly, all he could focus on was her.

"Yes."

Amy grabbed the back of his head and latched her mouth onto his as soon as he got the word out. Instinctively, he embraced her and pulled her in closer while they kissed. It wasn't long before he felt her tongue caressing his, and in the back of his mind he dimly marveled at how non-repulsive it was.

In fact, everything about this was extremely pleasurable. Her chest pressed to his, the taste of her, her warm weight on his bathing suit area, and the soft little moans she was making. When she started grinding down on him, he knew he was a goner.

"Oh, Amy!"

"Mmm, Sheldon . . ."

Sheldon gasped and bolted upright. The scene dissolved around him entirely, leaving him alone and disoriented in the dark of his bedroom.

A dream. It was a dream.

Or rather, a nightmare.

Sheldon panted and tried to calm down, but it was no use. The throbbing between his legs refused to abate, his blankets tented obscenely.

It was all Leonard's fault. Leonard and that stupid book. And Amy—Dr. Fowler—and her stupid brain parasite. He didn't need this. What he needed was for his friends to back off. He needed Dr. Fowler to stop showing up everywhere in his life, making him say and do and feel things he shouldn't. He needed to focus on himself and his own work. He needed . . .

He needed a cold shower.

End Note:

Obviously I can't make any promises that I'll have the next chapter posted quickly, but I do just want to give a quick reminder that you can follow me on tumblr (username fort-cozy-mcblanket) for fic status updates and previews and general Shamy chatter. Come say hi!