Chapter Six. Absolutely Behaving
Harry Potter do something he was told not to? Never! Well, not immediately.
Harry waited three days, for any additional surveillance on him to be relaxed, before doing something incredibly irresponsible and taking Hermione and Ron, after dinner to the Room of Requirement with 'I need a room to learn about magical rituals' as the thought in mind.
The room was large, and had bookshelves with mysterious books, and tall candles on iron stands, and buckets of sand, and large patches of bare stone floor, and desks and chairs that looked like typical school desks and chairs. It looked, thought Harry, like a classroom, except for not having a blackboard. It had lots of mullioned lancet windows instead.
Hermione bolted for the bookshelf.
"This looks worryingly like homework, Harry," said Ron. Hermione grabbed the biggest, thickest book off the shelf. It was easily as thick as someone's head. The immense tome was bound in cracked dark black leather and had two huge dangly bookmarks.
"Ooooh!" Hermione exclaimed, lugging it to the desk with difficulty, putting it down with a loud thud, and opening it to the front page "There's no way this isn't supposed to be in the restricted section!"
"So, seems like we've got Hermione's birthday sorted for next year then," said Ron casually.
Harry nodded. It did rather seem that way.
Harry walked over to the bookshelf and idly read the spines.
One said 'BLACK' on the spine, so Harry pulled it off the shelf and had a look at the cover. 'A Rituals Compendium' by 'Altair Black' Harry opened it to the front page. Someone had written their name on the flyleaf; a 'Darius Wormwood.' Harry turned the page… and it had a massive index of rituals. Harry blinked, and read along the multiple columns listing what the rituals did, and page numbers… it really was a huge collection.
"What you got?" asked Ron.
"It's a compendium," said Harry, "Rituals for all kinds of stuff."
"Really?" asked Ron.
"This seems," said Hermione loudly from the desk. "Like there are at least as many rituals as spells in Charms and Transfiguration and Potions combined."
"Imagine having to memorise all that lot," said Ron, thumbing in the general direction of Hermione's current massive tome.
"Oh I don't think you do it like that, Ron," said Hermione, "This is … I think this is for doing rituals from. Kind of like a potions textbook. You find the ritual you want, and just look it up."
"That sounds… oddly convenient," said Ron, sounding suspicious. "And it's banned."
"Well, at least just not taught," said Hermione. Harry wished he knew for sure, and the book in his hands vanished, as did all but one of the ones on the bookshelf. Harry turned his head; Hermione was still looking at her book.
"What happened?" asked Ron.
Harry picked up the only remaining book. 'Rituals for Beginners' That seemed… a bit like the room changed because he wanted it to. Harry imagined some beanbag chairs, and without a sound, over behind the desk and chairs, suddenly, there were some beanbags. Harry went over and settled in with a scrunch.
"What am I going to do?" asked Ron. Harry shrugged, and started on Rituals for Beginners.
Within the index … an entire chapter on Legal issues. Harry skipped to that, and started reading.
Someone had drawn doodles on the margins of the book. But the gist was that sacrificial rituals were okay, as long as they weren't blood rituals, and that rituals that involved killing actual people or beings were probably illegal. Harry checked the front of the book; it was published in 1855, so he suspected the laws had changed a bit since. And there was a bit the previous owner had underlined about underage sorcery laws applying just as much to rituals, even if the normal mechanisms for detecting underage magic didn't necessarily work on rituals. That had Harry thinking.
"Hermione?" Harry asked, without looking, "Can the Ministry tell if you make potions at home underage?"
"Um," said Hermione.
"Course they can't," said Ron, who'd wandered over to her, and was attempting to read over Hermione's shoulder, "Fred and George are always making potions."
"Says here," said Harry, "That underage sorcery rules apply equally to rituals even if the normal mechanisms for detecting underage magic didn't necessarily work on rituals."
"What are you reading?" asked Hermione, sharply, turning to stare at him.
"Rituals for Beginners," said Harry. "I wanted to know about the legalities, specially after Sirius and Professor Dumbledore both told me not to do them."
"I read that the ban on Rituals was about safety," said Hermione.
"Professor Dumbledore agreed with that when I mentioned it, very quickly," said Harry "If I was a cynical person, suspiciously quickly."
"I think everyone knows you-know-who did heaps of rituals," said Ron, "I mean, Harry said he hardly looks human anymore."
"That might have been his resurrection ritual," said Harry "Though on second thoughts, the Death Eaters didn't seem surprised. Yeah, you're right Ron."
"Sacrificial rituals then," said Hermione.
"It's weird," said Harry, "I met Tom Riddle, teenage Tom. In the chamber and in the Diary memories. He was really handsome, a bit creepy but… why would someone want to look like a half melted snake-human hybrid? I mean, If Tom Riddle came selling say,… door to door insurance, I bet most people would have let him in – he looked handsome and charming."
"Are you sure you're not gay?" asked Ron bluntly.
"Ron!" said Harry sharply. He went to say "I'm bloody well not." vehemently, but his voice cracked and it came out in a squeak. Hermione snorted.
Harry fumed gently at the unfairness of puberty, and went back to reading about 'Legal issues'.
He actually read an entire chapter of a textbook that wasn't even for homework and…
"Well, that's very interesting" concluded Harry.
"Why?" asked Ron, who was reading over Hermione's shoulder.
"Even a hundred years ago, the textbook is full of 'don't do rituals just because you can get away with it.'" said Harry
"Blimey" said Ron. "They clearly didn't ever fight a troll in first year."
"Harry?" said Hermione loudly, having looked at the bookshelf. "WHERE ARE ALL THE BOOKS?"
Harry really wished the books were back on the shelf, and suddenly, they were.
"Harry? What did you do?" she said shrilly.
And Harry realised that the Room of Requirement changed to whatever he wanted, probably because he'd opened it in the first place.
"If I think about it, I can make the room change," said Harry. "While we're still in it."
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Hermione, "That's amazing."
"Chocolate fountain?" asked Ron.
"Gamps laws, Ronald," said Hermione. She had a point, thought Harry. Though… Mrs Weasley charmed up sauce. Conjured, he corrected himself. You probably could conjure up fake chocolate sauce that would vanish… Which would be good for Crabbe and Goyle, or even Dudley, he mused. And uncharitably, he added Millicent Bulstrode to the list, and the Ravenclaw girl with the terrible spots.
Harry imagined there being a chocolate fountain, but one did not appear. A single, solitary chocolate frog packet appeared on the stone floor instead. What's worse, Ron beat him to it.
"It's Agrippa again," said Ron a bit later, checking the card.
When Hermione found a ritual to fix up Harry's eyesight, they all got excited.
"Mate?" said Ron, reading over Hermione's shoulder and getting her hair in his face. "It says we need to cut your eyeballs with a dagger made from a gem." Harry felt faint, and the book he was reading slid out of his hands onto the floor with a thud.
Hermione closed the rituals book. "We're not doing it" she said.
Harry shook his head ."No, No," he croaked.
But Hermione took the compendium and speed-read it, stopping to say "There's one for um… malnutrition," her eyes darted over to stare at Harry, and back to the book.
"Oooh. There's one to get stronger" she said.
"You could carry your bookbag easier" said Ron.
Hermione looked that up in the big book, and by the way she grimaced, it seemed to Harry she wouldn't want to do it.
"Something wrong with it?" asked Harry.
"Permanent scarring" she said. And with a grimace she explained "You have to cut yourself with runes."
"That's right out then," said Ron.
Harry paged ahead through the introductory rituals book and found a ritual to dry out grassed areas.
"There's a ritual to dry lawns" said Harry.
"What on earth would you use that for?" asked Hermione.
"Oh, maybe cricket?" asked Harry.
"Pff. Worthless." said Hermione.
"Well, if you were gonna have an outdoor party and the lawn was wet" said Ron. "We have outdoor parties. Mum spends ages charming the rain away beforehand."
"Harry?" said Hermione in a worryingly 'thinking Hermione' tone. "I'm getting the impression that really … powerful rituals have horrible side-effects."
"Stands to reason, dunnit. All the good medical potions taste foul" said Ron.
Harry thought about potions. You put things in a cauldron, but you followed the steps in a certain order and stirred and stuff. And the bit he'd just read about the definition of a ritual seemed to… cover that.
Harry found himself, remarkably, going back into a textbook, and re-reading a definition. And it was there in black and white.
"Um, guys" said Harry.
"What?" asked Ron.
"We still do rituals at Hogwarts. The books says potions are a specialised sub-branch of rituals."
That had Hermione running over and wrestling the book off Harry and reading the page. Her eyebrows jumped about like furry caterpillars.
"Good grief!" she said. "They are rituals."
"They really can't detect rituals then," said Ron, paging through the big book idly. "I reckon, as blokes, we could probably do a strength ritual and um, just have some cool scars."
"Oh and I couldn't because I'm girl is that it?" said Hermione, rounding on Ron. Her hair wasn't really crackling, Harry olds himself. She was just cross, that was all.
"Yeah but… you've got nice skin, you wouldn't want to cut holes in it" said Ron. "And neither of us are doing it to you."
Hermione hesitated and looked frankly confounded. Harry got out of the beanbag and went off to find a different book.
The title was what he saw first. 'The Sisterhood of Artemis'
Hermione?" he said "There's a rituals book her called The Sisterhood of Artemis"
"That'll be rituals for girls" said Ron . "Stands to reason, dunnit. Artemis." Harry heard Ron make a scared whimper. He turned to see Hermione, with her wand in Ron's face, looking very cross.
"Rituals for girls. I suppose the book would be pink?" she said.
"It's looks like alligator hide actually" said Harry helpfully.
Hermione came and snatched the book out of Harry's hands. "Doubtless this is sexist…" she said, opening the book, then she stopped talking, and Harry was pretty sure her eyes were bugging out. She closed the book with a loud snap. "Well, I'm keeping that."
"See, rituals for girls," said Ron "Probably something to deal with troublesome hair."
Hermione's wand hand moved like a snake-striking, and the hex shot over and hit Ron before he had time to duck.
"Ronald. You will not be reading this over my shoulder." she said.
"Is it any good?" asked Harry.
"Disturbing. I was – wrong about rituals for witches." she said. Harry grabbed the bookcase, to pretend to faint.
Harry grabbed the nearest decent sized book and threw it to Ron, who caught it, despite his nose being the size of an apple. "Check it out" said Harry, and he picked another one and went back to his beanbag, where he wasn't getting hexed. He flicked through the index, trying to make sense of it all. There seemed –
"Oh GOD!" Hermione exclaimed. "We should be taught that at least!" she said loudly.
"What?" asked Ron.
"None of your business," said Hermione.
"Oh look, a way to make food," said Ron idly five minutes later. "Eat your heart out Gamp's laws."
"Don't be silly Ron, there' are seven exceptions of Gamps laws but you can't conjure food."
"Oh it's dead basic and a bit gross," said Ron. "You just transfigure something technically edible into something nice."
"Technically edible?" asked Harry, because his imagination suggested some horrid possibilities.
"Well, insects, spare parts from making potions ingredients" said Ron "There's a worked example making mousse from slugs. Ugh."
Hermione made a growling noise. "Dammit" she said "That was in widespread use before the Statute of Secrecy."
"Wot?" asked Ron., and Harry mentally agreed.
"Witches cottages, covered in spiders and slugs and yuck." said Hermione. "It's not technically a baseless slander on witches, it's just old witches who can't be bothered gardening, or are too poor to buy food."
"Or want to eat mousse all day," Ron added unhelpfully.
"I wonder if the biochemical makeup stays altered, or if you can get a more balanced diet while eating only nice things?" Hermione wondered aloud. Harry sort of guessed she was talking about vitamins or something. He imagined feeding on the spiders in his old cupboard, and felt guilty. Alastair had been a pet, sort of.
"I expect that you can just make a nutrition potion," said Ron. "Mum made Ginny take them when she was having a picky eating phase."
"Ginny's not a picky eater," said Hermione. "She's like all you Weasleys."
"Oy. That's my little sister you're deriding," said Ron.
"Deriding?" asked Hermione.
"It was in the Prophet word finder," said Ron.
"That um. Food one," said Harry. "We should all learn that, it would be perfect for emergency survival."
"Hmm. That suggests some obvious rituals to look for. Something to confer permanent resistance to cold, for example." said Hermione.
She started taking notes at the table.
"I think there should be a rituals course, and we should all – that is, all students, should learn the basics. And do rituals, obviously, to … well that cold resistance once, for wilderness survival."
"Or you could go inside," said Ron. "Everyone learns to apparate, you know."
"If you were lost in a cold place, it would save your life" said Hermione. "And that food one… no matter how gross it sounds, well, nobody would ever go hungry again."
"Can't you just duplicate food?" asked Harry. He'd noticed that in class as an option.
"Yes, but you'd have to have some to duplicate." said Hermione, inhaling loudly to start a rant about Gamps laws, if Harry was guessing.
"Put it in the freezer," said Harry bluntly. "Take out … a pizza, duplicate it, put the original back in. Endless pizza."
Which sounded, thought Harry, having said it, good, but he didn't like pizza that much. It did sound like the sort of thing Dudley would love if he could get over it being magic.
"Ron?" asked Hermione "Are there magical freezers?"
"What's a freezer?"
Ten minutes later, Hermione and Harry had resolved to one day own preserving cupboards. Harry suspected, as Ron's mum had one, that they weren't terribly expensive.
"If we got one at home, mum and dad could save all the electricity the fridge uses," said Hermione. "I wonder how much they cost, and whether that's more than the cost of the electricity."
"What's she on about?" asked Ron.
"Um." said Harry. "Electricity's like… bottled lightning. Muggles use it to um. Light the house, cook food, cool off stuff- a freezing box, like we said, and um. Well, everything that would be a charm, there's generally a machine that's electric that does it."
"That's why you should have done Muggle studies, Harry. You'd have got an E at least for that," said Hermione. Harry ignored that. But he wondered, if a preserving cabinet didn't need to freeze anything, and you had something to eat, why you'd ever go hungry. His imagination suggested 'because you don't have a preserving cabinet, or a wand,' a moment later. That didn't seem… well, it was less likely, if you had magic, he supposed.
Hermione scribbled on parchment for ages, as Harry slowly skimmed a few years of textbooks, getting the impression … if a cursory one, that Rituals class would be bloody useful, and … from the warnings on the more complicated ones… have more injuries than Potions. Almost, suggested an often ignored spirit of responsibility in Harry's mind, like they were dangerous, and you shouldn't mess around with them. Being Harry, he ignored that little voice.
"We're going to run a secret Rituals class," said Hermione. "Well, at least one for Witches."
Ron's eyes caught Harry's and he looked worried.
"Can't we learn them anyway?"
"Of course not. You're a boy," said Hermione very dismissively.
"There's no need to be sexist," said Harry.
"You can't do them, and that's that," said Hermione. "Don't ask."
"Hang on," said Ron. "That's… Witchcraft. Like… witches only."
"It's right there in the name of our school," said Hermione.
She was right, thought Harry. Well, Ron was too. And he felt a vague sense of unease, as he'd never been in a situation when they were both right before. Unless it was Harry doing something really stupid, and all he was doing was looking at rituals, while sitting on a beanbag.
It did occur to Harry that he needed a notebook and a pencil, to make some notes of rituals to do later. The strangest thing then happened. A pencil, somewhat used, and a notepad appeared, right there on his beanbag, with a soft pop.
Harry picked up the pencil and eyed it. It … he sniffed it. Smelt old. So did the notepad.
"Harry? What did you just do?" said Hermione.
Harry drew his wand and tried to cast finite-incantaten on the pencil. Nothing happened. He tried reversing a generic transfiguration, and nothing happened either.
"Harry, what are you doing?" asked Ron.
"Um. Checking if the pencil that appeared cos I wanted it was real or not." said Harry.
"And it is?" asked Hermione.
"Well, yes" said Harry, and he… started taking notes.
The first note was 'Investigate how come I can get what I need here?'