Chapter 8
Serious Magical Things.
Harry realised he'd called his two friends 'team we do secret cool stuff,' to a girl he was something,
Not exactly sure what that something was, but cursed to something,
He'd just made a statement so farcical, Eleven year-old Harry would have face-palmed.
He was sixteen, had been talking to a girl, and now had no dignity left ( so he thought, but he could definitely lose more, he hadn't yet replicated the movie scene where Daniel Radcliffe playing Harry Potter, fails at drinking water, while staring at Cho Chang. Or presumably in this universe, Daphne Greengrass.)
And Hermione, who was already seventeen, teased him mercilessly. It was either that or illegal curses on Greengrass, and as far as Hermione could tell, Greengrass was actually harmless nobody. (It was a testament to Hermione's improved social skills from years of Hogwarts, that she didn't say that to her face.) Her improved social skills, were, unbeknownst to her, soon to be put to the ultimate test in any witches life. No, not marriage; being with other witches in a coven.
-=0=-
Hermione had decided to prepare for the coven meeting by … dragging Harry and Ron along to the roof of requirement to do rituals.
Therefore, Harry, Ron and Hermione spent an entire evening doing a ritual to increase their resistance to burns. The ingredients were pretty straightforward, and while the salamanders they used wouldn't have voted for it, Harry looked forward to cooking being safer. Hermione was testing it out to use at Coven, as a first useful ritual that wasn't well… an essential quality of life improvement for witches, and Ron was sure it'd make swiping bacon easier.
"There is a better version, but it needed ashwinders," said Hermione.
"Could you use ashwinder eggs instead?" asked Ron.
She stared at him, incredulously.
"Always the look of surprise," said Ron. "You just buy ashwinder eggs, after all, potions ingredient."
"I don't know," admitted Hermione "The books don't cover substitute ingredients."
"Um," said Harry. "There are substitute ingredients written in that copy of Advanced potion making, and you said Potions are a special case of rituals."
Hermione looked back and forth at Ron and Harry. Who were looking quite interested.
"You… like rituals?" she asked.
"Well, it's um… chunky, not so fiddly as potions" said Ron.
"Chunky, yeah" said Harry. "And doing permanent improvements!"
Hermione imagined what they were thinking and blushed. (Harry was actually hoping he could get a bit taller. Ron was hoping to forestall going bald. They were actually fairly nice boys really.)
However, Hermione did later find a 'best inheritance' ritual that looked amazingly effective… if quite expensive. Powdered silver had to be pricey.
And that was definitely something to bring up at the coven meeting. Not that it was going to be a coven meeting… but a witch could hope.
-=0=-
Hermione unpacked her bookbag onto the abandoned teachers desk. She had the immensely heavy copy of A Rituals Compendium by Black as a cross-reference, and, pride of place, The Sisterhood of Artemis by Megaera Crux. She'd popped up to the room of lost things and got a few bolines, athames, goblets and other objects mentioned in the first few Witches rituals to use as visual references. And, she admitted to herself, to give a set to Greengrass, to erm… mend fences. She was cursed to have to marry Harry, after all, so there was, as gran said, no time like the present to mend fences. She couldn't help opening Crux's book and reading the ceremonial bit about covens at the front. Not that Hermione wanted a coven. But it would be so nice to feel like part of something, that… and she had to rub away a few stray tears, that she belonged. She organised her notes; she'd timed it and the lecture was only forty minutes, which the book she'd read on lectures assured her was appropriate. Besides, there was a lot of material to cover.
She looked back at the small selection of athames. Obviously she'd taken one that felt right to her, and then realised it would be rude to just present Greengrass with no choice, so she'd brought three. Because Greengrass was a Slytherin, she rather expected she'd take the ominous looking black-hilted athame. Hermione bit her lower lip, and, putting down her book, cast the only detection of curses spell she could cast without a reference. None of the tools glowed, so she was probably just being silly, but… the utter humiliation of giving a gift that was cursed. She'd never be able to look Greengrass in the eye ever again; and that sounded like decades and decades of awkward parties with Harry and her attending. No, it was better to be safe than sorry. And it was quite inconsiderate of Harry to be practically married already. They hadn't even finished school, or defeated a Dark Lord, or anything!
Hermione checked her watch – mum and dad had given her a Rolex ladies Yachtmaster last Christmas, and she really hoped Ron, particularly never found out what it cost. It was quite resistant to magic, well, and immersion, but she was hoping not to be on the bed of the dark lake ever again.
Harry had noticed it when he saw her first day at The Burrow, and had just said gently 'Well, they are Dentists.' Which should not have had her bursting into tears. He was far too good for this world, and that probably explained how he'd come to be cursed into some sort of betrothal to Greengrass.
And if she'd privately been happy that the chances of ever seeing him and Cho Chang together again were now zero, well, that was just her private thoughts. Besides, Chang was just another pretty quidditch player. And a spoilt cow for having dated poor dead, very handsome, Cedric Diggory.
Hermione reopened her book on witchcraft, and tried re-reading the introduction for the eighth time.
She'd got up to a really interesting ritual for repelling insects, when the door opened a little.
"Granger?" asked the posh voice of Daphne Greengrass.
"Yes?" said Hermione, and she put the book down and futilely tried to tuck her hair back, and look calm, collected and professional.
Daphne Greengrass came in, with a bookbag, like she was going to the library, and one of Hermione's insecurities 'she won't come' dissipated.
But then, behind her, in came four more girls – all Slytherins. Hermione's throat dried up.
Greengrass stopped halfway across the room "Granger, this is Tracey, Lils, Sally-Anne, and Sally."
Hermione's attempt at a friendly smile froze on her face. She recognised Lils' from Arithmancy, and Sally, and everyone probably recognised Tracey – she was a bit of a rebel. Hermione barely remembered ever seeing Sally-Anne, except in their joint Potions lessons.
"I was going to come alone, but Tracey wanted to know, and it sort of slipped out about the whole coven thing. At which point everyone wanted to come – " Daphne Greengrass hesitated, and bit her lower lip "I made sure Pansy didn't come. I know she just isn't nice to you at all."
"She's a bitch," said Tracey, and winked.
After a bit of awkward standing around, Hermione went back behind the desk and pretended to herself that she was, in fact just showing Greengrass, or perhaps Crookshanks. He was a very tolerant audience if he'd just had a meal. He'd laid on his tummy watching this talk, twice while she timed it.
"You didn't bring yah cat," said 'Lils.' Hermione wondered where 'Lil's' was from as she had straight black hair, pale skin, and most oddly, a positively Jamaican accent.
"Um. I kind of wish I had," admitted Hermione.
"She's got a cat?" asked Tracey. "An adorable fuzzball?"
"A cat," said Lils. "Sophie mentioned it."
"Erm," said Hermione. "I would really rather that word of this meeting never left this group. The ministry is rather negative about rituals."
"It's cos they can't tell if you're doing them, and also, obviously, because they can lead to more rituals, and then on to goin' cackl'n mad, and you know, all that stuff," said Lils, a trifle dismissively.
"She's right, of course," said Sally, sounding quite posh, as Hermione expected Slytherin girls to. "They don't like it, but I'm pretty sure there are rituals still used today."
Hermione wondered what Sally knew. She would have to pump her in private at some point.
Regardless, she took a deep breath and began her prepared speech.
"Welcome to my presentation about the Sisterhood of Artemis. The Sisterhood of Artemis is a book of witchcraft, mostly of a ritual nature."
"Yeah we knew that," interrupted Tracey. "So we gonna have a coven or not?"
"Um. Could we?" asked Hermione.
"So, do we get a cool knife?" asked Tracey.
"Those are athames and bolines," said Hermione. "I, um picked out one that I liked the feel of, there are … I'm sorry I should have brought more."
"So you know where the lost property office is too?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Um, yes, but I think we shouldn't get side-tracked," said Hermione.
The girl called, she thought, Sally stared intently at Hermione, for some reason.
"The key thing about rituals. Ritual magic that is, is that it can make permanent effects. As far as I know, from some initial reading, most rituals are sacrificial," said Hermione.
Sally-Anne gasped. Hermione decided she looked like an even sillier Lavender Brown, but with glasses. That curly blonde hair… gods. Why did Slytherin get a bimbo? Not that she was that good looking.
Hermione cleared her throat, "Um, not that dreadful. It actually turned out that Potions are a specialised sub-category or Rituals, so we've all actually been learning Rituals, all along."
All the Slytherin girls, except Lils groaned, which was a surprise to Hermione.
"Oh it's not as fiddly, and while some rituals need to be done at specific times, for astronomical alignments and such, on the whole, rituals are not as hectic as making some potions," said Hermione.
"Thank Christ for that," muttered Tracey Davis.
"The uh. The reason I feel the Sisterhood of Artemis is so important," said Hermione "I believe Daphne has a copy now, she's probably seen them too."
Daphne Greengrass's cheeks flushed.
Hermione, encouraged, powered on "There are a number of rituals to do with… witch's issues."
"There's one for period pain," said Daphne Greengrass, oddly bluntly. "That alone is worth it."
"Yes," said Hermione. "So I um, read it carefully, and frankly I'm disgusted that they make us put up with Potions for … cramps. There's even a version of the ritual that simply… stops one's monthlies, until such time, that a witch is interested in conceiving. Should she ever wish to."
"Mum says permanent stuff is really dangerous," said Tracey.
"Her mum's a healer," Daphne offered.
"The um, ritual is quite simple, and um, afterwards, no monthlies at all, and all you need to do is take a very simple potion made with some witch-bane to have a… menstrual cycle," said Hermione. "Now, obviously, it's… erm, reproductive magic and some girls might be justifiably nervous about – "
"When can we do it?" interrupted Daphne Greengrass.
"Oh my god. You don't… you're just sixteen," said Hermione.
Tracey shook her head. "Daphne gets quite awful cramps."
Hermione had the fleeting urge to say 'you poor dear' because that was what one did, wasn't it?
None of the girls… from Daphne's dorm looked at all surprised at this revelation, so… quite bad cramps then.
"My mother would, probably want to check any rituals we were going to do beforehand. She um, was a transfer student," said Daphne. "But she only did to OWL-level before coming to Hogwarts," she added, which was oddly modest of her.
"Oh," said Hermione. "That's, um. Well, some adult supervision, can't hurt. Now, I've cross-referenced all the rituals in the Sisterhood of Artemis with this Rituals Compendium, and most of them are simply variants of rituals. There are however, a few unique rituals in the book, which are substitutes for what I suppose are more widely known Rituals, with, erm, less horrid side-effects."
"Side effects?" asked Lils.
"Oh, there's a strengthening ritual for witches that doesn't requite you to cut runes into you skin that leave permanent scarring" said Hermione.
Sally-Anne looked a bit green in the face.
"Oh we wouldn't do anything like that!" exclaimed Hermione. "There are an awful lot of medical rituals, and, well the Sisterhood of Artemis has a few, like the one we discussed earlier, of particular interest to witches."
"Is there one for bigger boobs?" asked Sally.
Hermione felt her face heating up.
"Oh, there is. Great," said Sally.
"Erm?" asked Daphne. "Are there… perhaps, hypothetically, rituals to erm, remove wrinkles?"
Hermione sighed, "Lots. Honestly I think a lot of older witches must be terribly vain," she said. "And loads of hair rituals."
"Is there one for unmanageable frizz?" asked Sally-Anne "It's just. In summer I have to cut my hair so short."
"People," said Sally sourly. "Could mistake her for a dyke on the train." And Sally-Anne blushed and stared at the floor in a worryingly Harry-like way.
"Oh, um," Hermione stared back at the book, and her notes, and tried to find her place.
And started from where she'd left off.
After a few minutes, Tracey Davis interrupted "Well that's all very interesting, but what we want, what most witches want, is that one for monthlies."
Hermione looked up. The other girls had come up to the table and were playing with the tools, and Lils was looking in her Compendium.
"I'd say all witches," said Sally, levelly.
"I think," said Daphne "That I'll send my copy to mummy, and say we're looking at doing that one. Um. Father can get potions ingredients at wholesale prices, with our um, import-export business."
Hermione bit her lower lip momentarily. "That's the key problem with rituals really," she said, losing track of her arranged lecture. "The ingredients for some of the more exotic rituals get really expensive."
"Define Really Expensive," said Tracey, in a serious tone she'd never heard from the notoriously casual Slytherin before.
"Um. Now not any of the ones in the Sisterhood, but a family friend of Harry's told Harry about one that cost, well, thousands of galleons," said Hermione.
"Holy shit," said Tracey. "I'm not doing that, obviously."
"Was that a particularly useful ritual?" asked Sally.
"Um, well, it had horrific side-effects," admitted Hermione. "And considering it ruined the lives of everyone involved, I'd say, quite definitely that it's on my personal list of rituals I would not attempt, at wand-point."
"What did it do?" asked Sally-Anne.
"I'd rather not say. It… let's say it did things to fate, and well… from what Professor Dumbledore worked out, it caused rather a lot of suffering and bloodshed."
"That fucking Hypocrite," said Sally primly.
"Um, he um. Look, it's all a family matter," said Hermione.
"Is Harry Potter affected by it?" asked Daphne Greengrass, with worrying intensity. She was staring hard at Hermione.
"Um. No," admitted Hermione. "To be blunt, what it principally did was make Harry's father less of a spoilt quidditch player."
"So, who did the ritual then?" asked Lils.
"Harry's father, with help from his best friends," said Hermione.
"Apart from the cost, are you sure that ritual that turns spoilt arsehole quidditch players into, presumably, decent human beings isn't actually valuable?" asked Sally quite snidely.
Hermione sighed, this had all got completely out of hand. "They, he, he fancied Harry's mother, but she loathed him. He was so desperate he, and his friends did an incredibly dangerous ritual to disrupt the very fabric of fate."
"Just to get his leg over. Disgusting," said Sally.
"Harry's not… permanently effected by that is he?" asked Daphne querulously. "Being the… child of… that sort of magic."
"Oh what it did was make his father more like Professor Lupin," said Hermione. "More serious."
"Pedo moustache," muttered Tracey.
"So did it… effect his mother at all?" asked Daphne.
"Um no," said Hermione "The thing was, the other boys doing it thought they were just burning emeralds, but actually, they erm, basically made magical vows and sacrificed parts of their personalities, as it were. I get the impression that, well, much of the tragedy of Harry's life was made worse by his fathers best friends ritual-induced failings."
"Really," said Daphne Greengrass rather coldly.
"The man who sold his parents out to the Dark Lord accidentally promised, during the ritual to be supportive of him and his future family." said Hermione. "And the ritual in question appears to be something of a monkeys paw."
Lils gasped, turned around three times and spat over her shoulder, Then she said "Don' say that. Nevah say dem words," in a remarkably Caribbean accent.
"I take it that… Lils's family know about, issues related to um, primate appendages?" asked Hermione.
"My grandpere, he's an obeah man. He say once his grandpere seen one of dose. It was… everything 'bout that kind of magic is wrong and evil and no witch should go near it." said Lils.
Hermione nodded "Good safety tip, Lily? Is it?" Hermione smiled, feeling completely out of her depth, and then thought of something. Something terrible. "So, in the spirit of um, safety tips like that, there's a ritual that He-who-shall-not-be named did, more than once, to try to never die, no matter what. Now, Harry's been assured that thanks to, well, information that came at the same time Daphne found out about Harry, that's being dealt with my Professor Dumbledore, so we should apparently just trust him."
"Not fucking likely, bloody hypocrite," muttered Sally.
"However," said Hermione, "Sirius Black, Harry's godfather is now out from under the cursed ritual that caused… some problems, and he, incidentally never was guilty of anything except losing his mind with grief. Anyway, Mister Black does know some rituals – he's an animagus like Professor McGonagall, there's a ritual for that apparently – "
"Another fucking hypocrite," muttered Sally.
"And he, as Harry's parent, godfather whatever, is on the case also. Harry has, well, a cheat-sheet from the other universe to defeat you-know-who quickly, and it's all in hand." said Hermione. "The kind of ritual involved, well, it required the murder of, well, another person to conduct it. So I suppose my safety tip is, there are rituals that supposedly grant immortality, but at least the ones with murder as an ingredient, are the darkest, foulest magic there is. Professor Dumbledore was extremely blunt with Harry, that anyone caught trying anything even like that, would be thrown straight into Azkaban."
"But, aren't all rituals um, banned?" asked Sally-Anne. "I don't want to get eaten by Dementors!" she squeaked.
"Calm your tits, Perks," said Tracey.
"For obvious reasons, we can reasonably assume that any ritual that requires crimes, such as murder, is illegal," said Hermione. "Although – "
"See, Greengrass. Told you so," said Sally.
"Smith, can you stop being so fucking smug," said Greeengrass loudly. "It was hundreds and hundreds of years ago. You can't blame my entire family"
"Her mother's family are still sanctioned by the ICW, Her great-great-grandmother was a dark lord. Human sacrifices," said Sally.
Greengrass pulled herself upright. "That was several generations ago, and my mother even transferred schools to get away from Dark Arts tuition." She lifted her chin, "She came to Hogwarts as an exchange student to get away from Dark Arts class. And met my father."
"She went to Durmstrang before that," said Sally.
"Because it was the only school that would take her family!" said Greengrass, her eyes glittering with unshed tears.
"Excuse me?" asked Hermione. "Your mother's family? You're related to The Blood Countess, Erzabet Bathory?"
"See, even Granger knows," said Sally.
"But that's fascinating!" said Hermione. "The Sisterhood of Artemis has an entire chapter debunking the whole thing!"
"Dewhat?" asked Tracey. "It happened though."
"Oh Erzabet Bathory was imprisoned and lost her lands, yes. But the authors replicated the supposed anti-ageing ritual, I suppose using blood-replenishing potions, and it doesn't work. There's just not the right kind of magic in virgins blood."
"Thank goodness for that," squeaked Perks. Hermione saw Tracey Davis roll her eyes, and had to keep in a snort.
"Excuse me, you mean to say, that the ritual doesn't work?" asked Daphne.
"Um, this brings up an important point we've been skirting around" said Hermione. "You see, a lot of the justification for the ban on rituals seems political. And Maegera Crux's conclusions on that chapter are quite scathing."
"So her ancestor did pointless murders?" asked Sally.
"There's remarkably little real trustworthy evidence she did any," said Hermione, and Daphne Greengrass's nose went up further, just like that. "It was before the Statute of Secrecy. I mean, even the muggles know about it."
"Tell me about it," said Tracey. "Mam was like, don't you dare play with that girl, her mother's family are all evil vampire witches."
"We're neighbours," said Daphne firmly. "Mummy has since made her peace with Tracey's mum."
"So if it was… a witch hunt, why?" asked Sally.
"Oh, because her ancestress was basically the queen of the region, and richer than, say, the Malfoys. After the trial, she was imprisoned, and lost all the money and power," said Hermione.
"Well, they did leave holes for meals and… chamber pots" said Daphne. "Our family were outcasts from the nobility, reduced to merely being Counts and Countesses."
"So, that was all just what? A political smear campaign? She was a witch, one would assume," said Sally.
"Mum's family don't have any books remaining, the ICW took the last few when it was formed," said Daphne. "But the tapestries in the schloss depict what looks like herbology and potions making. There's no tapestries of any other kind of magic. Mummy does potions."
"Which is how she got mum onside. For a hobbyist she's actually as good as any professional," said Tracey, "she is a bit weird about your dad though."
"Just because my mother wasn't raised to be a frigid Englishwoman" said Daphne.
"She comes across as rather, bijou," said Sally judgementally.
"She snogs him in public." said Tracey. "Platform nine and three quarters. The boys watch cos she nearly falls out of her robes onto him."
"She does not," said Daphne sharply.
"Well I don't think Daphne's parents having loving relationship is anything to complain about," said Hermione. "My parents have kissed in public, I'm quite sure."
"So, hang on, Greengrass's famous evil family are just, what? Victims of fraud?" asked Perks, looking thoughtful.
"Well, she was definitely a witch." said Daphne. "To be honest that story makes much more sense. There's no record she ever went to Durmstrang according to my grandmother. Which means she was probably… homeschooled." said Daphne. "I suppose as a princess she just didn't have time to learn magic properly."
"Which brings us back to the ritual," said Hermione "It's quite simple, requiring only a runic circle, some blood, and one astronomic alignment, and that's just the moon."
"Blood?" asked Perks.
"Your own blood" said Hermione.
"Not, mensural blood?" asked Perks, grimacing.
"Oh god no, thank goodness," said Hermione. "Just a little blood." She hesitated "There are some rituals mentioned in the concordance that use mensural blood, but they're fairly advanced, and well, gross."
"How soon could we do that ritual?" asked Daphne.
"Her aunty flow's coming next week," said Tracey bluntly.
"Tracey!" exclaimed Daphne, blushing.
"Erm, well the moon is unfavourable. We need a new moon," said Hermione.
"Oh bother," said Daphne.
"But," said Hermione hesitantly "There's a spell for harvesting mensural blood that can double as an erm, relief spell."
"Harvesting?" said Tracey "Yuck."
"Wot she said," said Lils.
"The footnotes say it's effective as both na erm, relief and as an erm, contraceptive." said Hermione, and she blushed.
"Why doesn't Pomfrey use it then?" asked Tracey.
"It's um, also an, um abortive." said Hermione.
"Oh," said Daphne. The room went quiet.
"Is that a cultural taboo?" asked Hermione, hoping she hadn't just per her foot in it.
"Nah, Pomfrey hands out Tears Of Regret like butterbeer if you slip up," said Tracey. "So, anyway, tell us about that ritual."
Hermione explained, drew the necessary circle on the blackboard, and she and Lils and Daphne discussed the runes.
"Bloody rune nerds, finally some use for the sodding things," muttered Tracey.
"Well, the presence of Astronomy as a core class makes more sense when you find out most rituals need star and planetary alignments" said Hermione.
"Yay! Telescopes!" said Sally.
"Granger, could you… find me a reference to that … spell. I expect I'll need it by Tuesday" said Daphne.
"Is there going to be a lot of naked dancing? "asked Perks. "Only. I'm not sure about that."
Hermione went and checked the wording of the introduction in Crux's book. Once she was sure she knew the right words she said carefully, "Ritual magic almost always requires the absence of other magic. Because most robes are enchanted, if only for warmth or stain-resistance, to um, perform rituals, one often takes off all ones clothes and any enchanted objects, then puts on a plain cotton shift, made nonmagically."
"Oh. That sounds quite sensible, doesn't it" said Perks.
"There are rituals that require runes to be drawn on the skin of the recipient," said Hermione "For those, and the kind that require cutting runes as a sacrifice, nakedness is necessary."
"No naked dancing, pity," said Sally.
"Well, there are some um, group rituals that have dance elements," admitted Hermione "I've concentrated mostly on rituals that have runic elements because um…"
"You're not much of a dancer, and don't have many friends," said Sally, who Hermione finally remembered was a Smith, and thus a relation of Zach Smith; the Hufflepuff answer to Malfoy.
"Well I'm hardly dancing naked with Harry and Ron!" said Hermione, her cheeks heating up.
"He's taken – that's Daphne's one true love," said Tracey, sarcastically.
Daphne Greengrass's ears went pink, and Hermione felt sympathy for Greengrass, of all people. Honestly, having a crass female best friend, was like… having Ginny Weasley for a friend. Hermione was forced to stop and think about that for a moment. Ginny would have said the same thing. Well, she was a bit touchy about the whole Harry thing, but basically.
"Is he really?" asked Perks.
"It's complicated," said Daphne, "He's… we're under a curse that will um. Um…"
"They're going to end up umming a lot," said Tracey blandly.
"So Potter gets a pretty witch handed to him, lucky bastard," said Sally.
"Sally!" exclaimed Daphne. "I'm perfectly capable of resisting any … lustful urges the curse might generate."
"As long as you ignore that she's got his photo from the paper on her bedroom wall" added Tracey.
"TRACY! HOW COULD YOU!" said Daphne loudly, looking indignantly at Tracey.
"So as an example of what can be done with rituals," said Hermione, as calmly as she could. "In an alternative universe, Harry and Daphne were cursed by a marriage contract."
"It's locked away in our family Gringotts vault now," said Daphne.
"So, in that universe, the contract afflicted them, and they didn't want it," said Hermione. "There are multiple theories why."
"Granger?"
"The working theory, based on some code-breaking by Professor Snape, is that in that universe, Daphne was… homosexual."
Sally stared at Hermione most disconcertingly.
Hermione cleared her throat "Ahem, so they used a diviniational ritual to determine a universe where, firstly, the curse's effects would not cause… undue suffering, and secondly, where, apparently, if my male friends are to be understood, he would have asked her out, had he been braver. Considering that he fought a giant basilisk, and a dragon, well… the Hogwarts house system has a lot to answer for."
"What basilisk?" asked Sally.
"The one that was petrifying people. If you are struck by it's reflected gaze, you are merely petrified. Would not recommend, but it's better than dying," said Hermione. "For reference, it can be found in the Chamber of Secrets, which Harry can open, being a parselmouth."
"I'll bet his parselmouth opens her chamber of secrets and he gets to put his basilisk in," said Tracey, without even the slightest hint of shame.
"Davis!" said Hermione in horror.
"Oh she's not as bad as Pansy," said Sally. "Last year she'd recount, blow-by blow her 'encounters' with Malfoy. If I ever hear her say the word 'thingy' again, I am going to commit violence."
"Oh my god!" said Hermione. "You poor dears," She felt immediately embarrassed.
"Was she born forty, childless with a cardigan, do you think?" asked Tracey.
"Them glasses on a chain," suggested Lils.
Hermione felt extremely unfairly called out. Also, Crooksie would be getting a cuddle later whether he wanted it or not!
"Ladies," said Daphne. "Granger is… she rooms with Pavarti and Lavender, at the same time. God it must be like being trapped in an eternal sleepover."
"Silencing charms," said Hermione bluntly. "And I mostly ignore people."
"Sophie and Fay have said that, yes" said Daphne blandly.
"Eh?" asked Hermione.
"The other two room-mates, the ones you utterly ignore?"
"Oh. I um. Assumed they're just lesbians. They never talk to me."
"They're not," said Sally drolly.
"Granger, you, you have the social graces of a rhinoceros," said Daphne. "Regardless, for reference, Fay loves quidditch, but hates the house team, Sophie loves gobstones, but cheats, just to save her ranking on the club ladder."
"Daphne's ninth seed, and Sophie regularly pantses her in heats," said Tracey. "They're all in the Gobstones club."
Lils took some chalk and started making notes from the Concordance onto the blackboard about the ritual Hermione had not wanted to start with because it was icky.
"Granger, is Moon completely barking, or is that ritual really that easy?" asked Sally.
"Um" said Hermione, checking the blackboard, and needing, desperately to check the concordance. "I just need to double-check," she said.
"My mother," said Daphne Greengrass. "Is never hearing of this. Are we all clear?"
The list of actually required sacrificial ingredients was tiny – some leaves from a few trees, and a few herbs used in potions, and obviously, a magical circle, and a bowl. Well, a vessel for the harvested blood.
"Right" said Daphne Greengrass rather decisively "Granger, can we do that tonight after dinner?"
"Um, I've got to do some more um… introductory rituals. And you should check with your mother." said Hermione.
"My mother would assume I was pregnant," said Daphne. "She takes potions, obviously, she's a potioneer."
"Is there um," asked Perks "A um. Ritual for um… virgins?" she asked haltingly.
Hermione tried not to stare at her.
"Perks, standard practice is to learn an appropriate charm, go to the Three Broomsticks with some fit boy, and spend the afternoon shagging," said Tracey. "So I'm told." she added.
"It's just. Surely there are rituals that um, use virgin sacrifices," said Perks.
"Lils, there's a cross-reference in the back of the concordance," said Hermione, and Lils wrestled the massive tome, and in ten minute flat found the appropriate page.
"Hmm." said Lils "Dere's two tings written after it. How does de code work?"
Hermione barged in, smelling something around Lils like coconut. But regardless of her haircare regimen, there were two rituals, and they were both references to other tomes.
"Oh those must be quite obscure," admitted Hermione "That's how references to other tomes work. But the symbols after the little shield indicates the first one is some sort of protective enchantment, and the second one… an eye. That's divination." And the code was just an acronym, and Hermione had a dark suspicion she knew what SODA was, and it wasn't a beverage. S147 was clearly a reference to a page or section.
"There are rituals for divination?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Of course dere are." said Lils. "You put the hair in the juju bag and sleep on it, and the dream tells you if dat's your lover."
Hermione had a sudden, disturbing realisation. "Oh," she said, and was very glad she'd dropped it. Well, and cross at the same time. "Tea-leaves. You… you drink the tea, and pour out the leaves, and look at the pattern, it's um… a ritualalised series of actions."
"Pretty bloody easy ritual," said Tracey dismissively.
"As taught," said Hermione sourly. "There's probably steps missing."
"Hang on – the other Daphne used a divinational ritual to work out which universe, of all possibilities, to send the curse into," said Daphne. "That's… an incredibly powerful tool."
"It must use virgin sacrifices," said Perks. Hermione wanted to tell her not to be such a twit, but held it in.
And they had to go find it now, because while Perks being interested in something wasn't enough to justify going on an expedition, but Daphne Greengrass was, for some reason Hermione didn't want to think about too hard, completely unreasonable in demanding the Coven immediately research it.
And Hermione perhaps felt guilty, because the poor girl was cursed to desire her friend Harry, after all, so she took them all up to the seventh floor, to the Tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, walked back and forth three times thinking of 'I need a room to do rituals research' and at the last repetition, the wall opposite the tapestry groaned and reformed as an arch and a door. This time the door was marked with hand-sized wrought iron symbols, nailed to the door. A roman numeral seven, and a depiction of a ritual circle with a pentacle in it.
"What does that mean?" asked Daphne.
Hermione opened the door instead, and walked into the large vaulted hall, easily the size of the Great hall, with granite columns every ten yards or so in a grid, holding up the double-barrel vaulted ceiling, a long bookshelf of scrolls and battered-looking books behind a battered study-table and a dozen mismatched chairs, with one larger chair at one end. The other walls, all of them all had blackboards. A bucket of chalk sat just by the door.
"It's a rituals classroom," said Perks. "The Seventh year rituals classroom."
Hermione tried not to break stride, and went to the bookshelf. She found Secrets of the Darkest Arts at the far right end, and had it open on the desk before the other witches with her had got there. So they wouldn't see the cover, for starters.
"This," said Sally, looking around and sounding impressed. "Is sodding amazing. Rituals classroom. Top shelf Granger. Top shelf!"
"Yes well," said Hermione, flicking through the dreadful book, finally finding the ritual, and freezing. It had a rather graphic illustration, and below that, an Astronomical alignment chart.
Her fellow witches were… surprised by the ritual. Well, the illustration at least; the entire thing was in Latin, in a very crabbed hand.
"Right," said Sally "So cutting your hymen. That's um… some dark magic shit right there."
"It's a sacrifice, innit," said Tracey. Everyone seemed uncomfortable.
"But what can it do, the ritual?" asked Perks.
Hermione tried to read the explanation, and all she could make out was that you wrote a question, and possibly had to work out an astronomical alignment as well, and then when Venus was in the right position, you… make the sacrifice. So, not something you could do often, and unless she was imagining things, the large section written in carmine ink was a warning.
"Granger, the warning says you lose all ability to do divination forever, when you do this… thing," said Sally.
"Well given that Divination is utter rubbish," said Hermione reflexively.
"Hmm," said Tracey, and she went to the shelves, and started looking for a book.
"What are you doing, Tracey?" asked Daphne.
"Looking for a book on how to do divination properly," said Tracey. Hermione concentrated on a book on divination rituals, and a book appeared with a pop on the table.
Daphne Greengrass screamed in shock – and it rang in her ears.
"Oh, did I mention she's a bit highly strung?" said Tracey. "How the hell d'you do that?"
"That's not important right now," said Hermione, unable to keep a faint smirk in.
"Well, as long as I don't have to shag an inflatable man," said Tracey idly, turning pages.
Hermione had to stare at Tracey Davis who… had spotted her film reference! Oh – but her mum was muggleborn, so that wasn't so remarkable.
"Davis, don't be disgusting," said Sally dismissively.
"It's a film reference, it's a joke," said Hermione.
"My mother won't let me see rude films," said Perks.
But we're sixteen or seventeen, thought Hermione, her parents are weird.
"I had no idea Granger was a deviant," said Sally.
"It's a comedy," Hermione said defensively. "It's a little bawdy but very funny. My parents and I watched it on telly."
"Who says Bawdy?" asked Tracey, turning pages, "It's a bit rude. I mean… the Donkey!"
She then said, "Hmm" quite loudly. "Tea-drinking ritual." she added. "And… holy shit that's involved!"
"What?" asked Hermione.
"There's an entire page of clearing the cup and water of adverse influences before use," said Tracey. "And that's step one."
But the more graphic divination ritual had, Hermione became more and more sure as she re-read the bits she could read… no actual stated limitations, which was annoyingly like the sort of question you'd have to ask after class, but there was no Ritual magic professor to ask.
"This," said Hermione uncertainly "Appears to be able to divine any answer."
"That seems rather potent magic," said Greengrass.
"You can only do it the once," said Lils.
"What would you um, divine?" asked Perks.
"Well, who wins the Quidditch world cup?" said Tracey. "You could make a lot of money."
"Only from a reputable bookmaker," said Hermione, and everyone stared at her.
"What?" she said.
"Reputable bookmaker?" asked Daphne.
"The Weasley twins bet with Ludo Bagman, and he didn't pay out," said Hermione. "He's a crook."
"Oh," said Daphne. "Why did the Weasley twins do that?"
"They were trying to fund expanding their business," said Hermione. "Harry gave them his tri-wizard winnings instead."
And for some reason, that made Daphne Greengrass smile slightly.
"I'm just saying," said Tracey slowly. "That you could make a lot on the World Cup if you knew in advance."
"You'd have to trust that it worked, and we hardly want to go messing around with dark magic like that, just to verify that it worked," said Hermione.
"I will um, write to my mother, and ask," said Daphne.
"We should get that one to make Daphne feel better worked out," said Tracey.
Hermione thought about it, and inadvertently, a brass bowl appeared with a pop.
"Can you NOT do that!" said Daphne shrilly.
"Look, this is just how the room works," said Hermione curtly. She walked over to a bare area and willed there to be a cauldron, workbench and trivet; a battered cauldron, trivet and workbench appeared. "Whoever opens the door can control the room by willing things to appear; and the room to change shape."
"But. But this is awesome" said Sally. "This is by far the best single thing at Hogwarts."
"Yes" said Hermione. "Professor Dumbledore thinks we can get a pool, and therefore an aquatic-sports programme. That's evidently a thing Hogwarts lacks."
"An aquatic centre? Is he completely doolally?" asked Tracey.
"I can't tell any more" said Hermione bluntly. "I'm leaning towards brilliant, but also cracked."
She lit a bluebell flame fire under the cauldron and remarked casually "Imagine if Potions had a classroom this convenient."
"Can it bring ingredients?" asked Daphne.
Hermione concentrated on needing some bloodroot, and a dusty jar with some dried up mess in it appeared "I think it mostly brings things from the lost property office" said Hermione.
"Hmm. There are Gamps laws to think of too" said Daphne.
"Well and the exceptions" said Sally.
"Obviously," agreed Hermione.
She picked the hot cauldron out of the fire with her bare hands, and set it on a trivet.
All the girls stared at her hands.
"What?" asked Hermione. "Harry, Ron and I did a ritual to protect us from heat."
"They were in the fire," said Perks.
"Well yes," said Hermione, her lips twitching up at the ends.
"Why on earth don't we do that before potions class?" asked Sally.
"I expect because ritual magic – especially that which grants power is seen a gateway to the dark arts," said Hermione.
"Whoa- whoa – we could be picking up cauldrons with out bare hands, and not having periods, and we don't get taught how because people are afraid we'd become dark witches?" asked Tracey. "It seems a lot like the baby's been thrown out with the bathwater."
Lils spoke up, "My grandpere, he's an obeah mean, yeah. He won' come to England cos he's done things that aren't legal here."
"Is he basically a rituals practitioner?" asked Hermione.
Daphne cleared her throat, "I think that going from things Lils has mentioned in the past,and certain… items he has given her, that once you accept that you can do certain things with magic, that you don't consider, for example, putting a captured spirit in a jar to repel Dementors to be at all remarkable."
"It works but Lils kept finding the little noises kept her awake," said Perks. "I had earplugs."
"Does that work?" asked Hermione.
"Oh yeah" said Lils. "Granpere makes a good living selling juju bottles."
"We were taught the only defence against Dementors was to learn the Patronus charm" said Hermione, frowning. "With a fixed defence against Dementors, the Ministry could have put up large-scale protections against them during the war, and saved thousands of lives."
"Dey got a spirit in every jar, Granger. That's a lot of spirits" said Lils.
"When you say… spirits, do you mean souls or ghosts?"
"Dem the same ting," said Lils.
"This! This is precisely the problem!" said Hermione indignantly "The Ghoul studies course hasn't been taught in decades, so you can't even learn the difference between a ghoul and ghost." She waved one hand dismissively "I've studied the Weasley's family ghoul, of course – it's fairly tame."
"The Weasleys have a ghoul!" exclaimed Daphne. She stopped and frowned. "But they're … so…."
"Yes" said Hermione.
"Can we um…. Do the thing for Daphne?" asked Tracey.
"We need sage" said Hermione "after dinner."
"I'll nab some from Greenhouse two," said Daphne. "My kit hardly has any."
"After Dinner then" said Hermione.