Hobie knew that Chris has his issues.

One couldn't be a Spider and not have issues. He had issues. Gwendy had issues. Peter B. had so many issues Hobie was pretty sure every person on his earth must be sane and calm because the man held the entire universe's limit on issues all in that grinning head of his. Miguel… bloody hell that man had issues on top of his issues.

But Chris?

The man had been ripped from his world and ended up on his current Earth, only avoiding glitching due to being bit by a spider that hadn't been made radioactive but rather bombarded with temporal particles. He dealt with time travel ALL THE DAMN TIME. His Avengers were a bundle of disorders wrapped in colorful costumes and he ended up having to be dad to most of them. And he was a dad to a bunch of traumatized kids.

Chris had issues.

And apparently Gwen had become the ultimate embodiment of them all.

"Well, well, well…" Chris said as he knelt down next to Gwen's froze form. It was honestly rather disturbing how his Temporal Barbs affected people. Frozen in time, able to hear and think but otherwise completely locked up. Even their body functions, which apparently made the stings quite useful when dealing with villains. But now Gwen looked like a statue. Chris has yanked her from the window sill and tossed her to the ground, staring down at her with dark bemusement. "This wasn't what you expected, was it? Thought you could come here and… what? Grab Hobby because he didn't do as you asked? Because he dared to have a thought in his head? Need to take him back to Miguel for reprogramming?" He let out a dark huff as he reached out and flicker her nose. "Oh… but where is your backup, Princess?"

Hobie though was focused on Gwen's face. The red eyes and the tear marks that run down her cheeks. "I don't think she has backup, mate."

"Please, all of the Society missions run missions with backup. That is standard protocol." He grabbed onto Gwen and lifted her up so he could look at her, stiff body pulling up from the ground since the Temporal Barb didn't even allowed her to twist her head. "So… where are they Spider-Woman? Where are your partners? Off harassing someone else…" He suddenly looked to Hobie. "Call your friends. Tell them to leave wherever they are. Get someplace safe."

"Chris-"

"This is their fucking MO!" the American snarled, snapping his head away from Hobie to glance at the window, letting Gwen fall to the ground with a thump that had Hobie's own skull aching. "If a Spider has anyone they rely on or care for they go after them! You fucking KNOW THAT!" He jabbed a finger at him, teeth grit. "How many times have YOU done this with HER?"

Hobie grimaced at that, turning his head away. Chris was right… that was the Spider Society's MO. They always worded it as protecting loved ones and ensuring that non-Spiders didn't get caught up in the crosshairs. Him and Gwen had gone to one Earth where everything was Colonial… Spider-Patriot had been the Spider there, fighting against the Red Goblin and the like. Gwen had cutely thought he'd be in serious trouble, what with his accent, only for her to be left flummoxed when she realized most of the colonists talked with English accents.

The reason for them being there had been Le Mystére, a Mysterio from Earth-315, where that Spider-Man was a Frenchman who sought to help Paris during the French Revolution. Le Mystére had managed to learn the identity of his Spider-Man after having pretended to be his mentor and ally, teaching him how to be a hero while secretly orchestrating all the tradgies in his life in order to make him 'stronger'. Landing in that new world he had decided to do the same thing with Parker Peterson… which started by creating illusions of an Indian attack ('Native American attack!' Gwen had shouted at him even as they dealt with the villain) that would cause Parker's Aunt Madeline and his betrothal Martha Janeson to end up killing each other in the confusion. Hobie had dealt with Le Mystére while Gwen had gone to protect Madeline and Martha, making sure they were safe. It was standard protocol. And yeah, that often meant keeping them far away from their Spider. But only so they didn't get stuck in a battle that wasn't their own.

But the way that Chris was making it sound…

"I don't know if they are listening right now…" Chris warned, grabbing onto Gwen's cheeks and giving them a painful squeeze, "but if they are know that you have five minutes to show up, webshooters off and bands unclasped or I'm going to begin cutting off fingers." He grabbed one of Gwen's digits and began to slowly bend it back.

Hobie's hand lashed out and grabbed Chris' wrist.

"She ain't here on Society business."

"Fuck you she isn't," Chris snarled. The words ANGRY, VIOLENT, and DISTRUSTFUL appeared over and over on his face; they danced in his eyes and rose and fell with his heavy breathing. "She is Miguel and Drew's pet fucking project, Hobby! The perfect little minion!"

Hobie narrowed his eyes at that. "That ain't Gwendy."

"Oh really? So that's why she abandoned the Society with you? Didn't chase after that kid like you?" Hobie's jaw worked at that, unable to refute the man's words. He wished he could… "I get you have a thing for her Hobby but you need to get that out of your head and actually THINK. That little Spider Society… it is a cult. Telling everyone that your pain isn't your fault, that isn't supposed to happen, getting you to accept that and then that everyone else should hurt like you… and anyone that dares to try and show kindness in this fucked up Spiderverse is the bad guy." He ripped his wrist away and jabbed a finger down at Gwen. "What's her sob story? Boyfriend break up with her? Daddy didn't buy her a pony?"

"None of your business but its more than that," Hobie said. Despite how he currently felt about Gwen she deserved to have her secrets. "its more than that. And I don't have a thing for her."

"Please," Chris said with a scoff. "Let me give you some advice you might not have on your world: Don't stick it in crazy."

Hobie leaned back, eyes wide… before he swung out at Chris. The other Spider of course dodged the attack and Hobie barely saw the words DANGEROUS flash on Chris' knuckles before his own Spider-Sense screamed at him to dodge.

"So here is the anarchist!" Chris taunted as the two began to trade blows, ducking and weaving to avoid the strikes. "What, if Miguel was just a a blond with tits you could bury your face in you'd be following him everywhere?"

"You aren't thinking straight, mate!" Hobie shouted. "She's in pain, can't ya see that?"

"And I'm supposed to feel bad for her?" Chris snarled, swinging his fist at Hobie's side, only for the british man to easily blow the blow and move for a strike himself. "You know what her and the Society have done to my family?" He suddenly came behind Hobie, catching him in headlock, one hand struggling to keep Hobie's arms in place so he couldn't lash out at him. "Miles G. STILL has nightmares about Gwen and Jessica trying to take him back to his Earth. You know… the one where he has no home, no family?" Hobbie forced himself not to glance at Gwen, to see if the comment was true; even if it was she was frozen, unable to move or react. "She not tell you about that fun little jaunt while you two were painting each other's nails and talking about boys? My son is a clone. He isn't even that world's original Spider-Man! But the Society decided that makes him an anomaly and they can't have him running around my earth… even though it eats paradoxes for breakfast and asks for the fucking recipe! She stood there while Drew told my little boy he had to go back to the world that would see him homeless and alone and without the meds he needs to not turn into a puddle!" Chris slammed his foot down, nearly catching Hobbie's own. "She stood there and nodded her fucking head! Saw nothing fucking wrong with that! And you think just because she shared a toothbrush with you she's suddenly on your side?!"

"I trust my friend!" Hobbie roared, breaking free of the hold and moving to drive his knee into Chris' side. The man twisted but Hobie still got a bit of him, though not as much as he would have preferred.

"You were kicking her the fuck out!" Chris thundered back. "But now she shows up with tears in her eyes and you forget her shit?" He suddenly leapt back, landing on the windowsill. "Fuck this and fuck you too, Hobby. You want to end up in a fucking cage while waiting for Miguel to remove a piece of your brain? Be my guest. But I'm not sticking around if she is." He tapped a button on his suit and a dimensional portal opened up. "You call me again and you better be ready for a full examination. Scans, bloodwork, and an enema because I want you to suffer." He paused, looking at Gwen. "I have a Gwen on my world, you know. I look at you, all grown up, and all I can think… is how I PRAY she is NOTHING like you."

And with that Chris was gone.

"…tosser could have done that first, 'stead of wreckin' up my place."

A timer dinged and he realized it was the food Chris had been making him.

Hobbie nearly laughed as he walked over to get it, glancing at Gwen before he settled up at the counter and began to eat. It was damn good too, all the more of a shame because he wanted it to taste terrible, and as he cut into it he kept his eyes on his plate.

"I'm not gonna ask if what he said was true," he said between bites. "And I'm not gonna demand ya explain yourself. You… had your reasons for goin' along with Drew on that mess, if it did happen. You didn't get the kid so in my book it didn't happen. I know I've almost done plenty of things that I look on now and regret."

He cut into his meal.

"But I'm not gonna get too mad at him for what he said, either. Bugger has had it rough and he's gone little ankle biters he needs to think about." He got up and went to the fridge, snagging a beat and popping it open. "What matters is what you say next. That's what matters. And til you can speak… well… I guess I'm just gonna have to wait."

He only then looked up.

"But I know how you think, Gwendy. You decide to do a runner on me the moment that sting wears off and you and I?" he gestured his hand between the two of them. "We're done. You ain't running away from this. We're talkin'… and we're finding out where we stand."

The sound of his knife scraping the plate filled the room.

And you? You would be queen