Cut to the Fallout

When the silence stole our words

I was still fighting

For all that you deserved

- "Homegrown" by Haux

Maverick tried to focus on anything but Bradley: was this flight going to take as long as the last time he went to the Gulf? Was this the beginning of a war, or just a show of strength? How good were these pilots they'd given him?

There was a Commander on his left who had introduced himself as "Apollo," and in front of him the junior officers, glancing at their new captain nervously.

God, they're just babies, Maverick thought, glancing over the group. He wondered if he should make a speech or something, and settled on:

"You boys should take advantage of the long flight and get some rest, okay? Trust me."

And gave them all a smile and a wink before closing his eyes...and then all he could see was his adopted son's face, the look he'd given Maverick when he said goodbye...

Maverick tried to settle the anxiety in his chest and was unsuccessful.

God...Goose...Carole…please take care of our boy...and bring me home safely...

For Bradley, the days that Mav was gone both dragged on and flew by.

He still went to Ice and Sarah's several times a week to eat with them and Felicity, and usually stayed late to chat or watch a movie - although more often than not, since the attack, Uncle Ice got home very late, or ate quickly and had to go back to base, or up to his home office, or frankly didn't eat at all and spent a lot of time on the phone.

And soon, Uncle Ice was gone too, called to Afghanistan as well.

Once again Bradley stood staring at the transport plane, as Uncle Ice hugged his daughter goodbye and planted kisses all over her head as she clung to him.

"I love you, Happiness," he whispered in her ear.

"I love you, too, Papa," she whispered back, kissing him on the cheek and then hurriedly wiping her eyes.

Their son Daniel was there, on special leave from his private school to see their dad off, and he was trying - and failing - to keep on a brave face.

"I love you, my son, Danny-Boy, you know that right?" Ice said gently.

Daniel nodded, tear streaks on his face. His dad had gone on deployment before but he was much younger then and had forgotten how scary and painful it was. Daniel hugged his father as tightly as he could, squeezing his eyes shut.

Ice saved Sarah for last and moved on to Bradley, enveloping him in a big hug and patting his back firmly.

"Help Felicity take care of Sarah, okay?" Ice said, with a wink at his wife.

Bradley nodded and looked at the ground.

"Are you going to see Maverick?" He asked quietly.

Ice chuckled.

"Oh, most definitely. I bet half the reason I'm going is because someoneneeds to wrangle him. I'll tell him you said hello, okay?"

Bradley nodded again as Ice gave him one last shoulder pat before turning to his wife and hugging her tightly, also planting kisses on her head, her cheeks, and finally one long kiss on the lips that Sarah gladly returned.

Bradley distantly heard their whispers to each other, but was focused on the Navy personnel loading into the transport, the flight deck crew, the other planes getting ready to go up…

It felt selfish to wait to enroll in the Academy. Didn't his country need him as soon as possible? Was the year-long deferment set in stone?

Ice hugged Bradley and Daniel once more, gave his teary-eyed daughter a peck on the cheek, and his wife one more hug.

"I love you, Sarah. I'll be back before you know it."

She smiled through the tears brimming in her eyes. She'd been through plenty of deployments but they never got easier.

"I love you, Tom. Go kick some butt."

He grinned at that and turned to go to the transport.

Sarah sighed and put an arm around both of her kids. They stood there together as long as they were allowed, then turned and left together. Bradley lingered a moment longer, then followed her.

He had ridden Mav's bike - much to Ice's consternation, but he caved as long as Bradley wore a helmet - and bade Sarah and the kids goodbye. He needed to be alone to think.

The apartment he and Mav shared was always quiet now. He never would have thought he would have missed the sound of his adopted parent rummaging around in the kitchen at 6am (or earlier), humming some old song Bradley couldn't quite place.

He didmiss the humming.

And when Bradley would go to his job at the pizza place and see a paper lunch bag set on the counter with a note:

"Here's a sandwich in case you're tired of pizza."

He did miss that.

And he missed his mom. He missed her laugh, her hugs, her smell. The pillow he had taken from her bed the night she died had lost its scent after about two weeks. He remembered vividly: they were still living with Ice and Sarah, and he had gotten into bed and hugged the pillow, trying to inhale its scent like he had for the prior two weeks, and found that the scent no longer lingered. He'd begun sobbing hysterically, and Maverick had rushed into his room…

"Bradley? Bradley, are you alright?"

Bradley lifted his face, now damp with tears, from the pillow.

"NO! No, Mav I'm NOT alright! I miss my m…my mom!"

And began to weep bitterly again. Maverick had instinctually crawled into the bed, holding him tight. Even though Mav was shorter than Bradley he had managed to pull the teen onto himself , rocking him and holding him as tightly as he could. Sarah and Ice had rushed in around that time, seeing a loudly sobbing Bradley hugging a pillow and half-laying on Maverick, who also had tears running down his face.

Sarah had gone to Bradley, sitting on the bed where there was a little room for her still, and stroked his hair, while Uncle Ice had stood next to the bed (since there wasn't room for him) and rubbed Bradley's back soothingly, his hand on Maverick's shoulder.

Bradley cried as hard that day as he had the night his mother had died. It was like losing her all over again. He had fallen asleep on Maverick in the bed like he used to sometimes when he was little…

Bradley shook himself - like a dog shaking off water - to bring himself back to the present.

The next few weeks went by, with each day being much the same as the day before…he tried not to watch the news too much, tried not hear about missiles being launched or bombs being dropped…

Finally, one afternoon, Bradley decided to call and check on the status of his deferment and application…

He finally got a hold of someone in admissions who, in a flustered voice said,

"Hmm, you know, I'm not seeing your application…"

Bradley sucked in a breath. Had they lost it?

"Well, Admiral Kazansky put me on a one-year deferment this past spring, maybe in early summer, but I wanted to see-"

"Oh, oh, well then maybe it's in a different file in the system. And…things are a little nuts right now, you know? It's been harder to keep track of things lately."

Bradley could certainly understand that. Everything in the country seemed more disorganized, more harried.

He took this call as a sign that he was rushing things.

"Well, alright, how about I call back some other time?"

The man on the phone seemed relieved and bade Bradley a good day.

When he checked the mail later he found he had a letter from Maverick. He'd received a few and they always took weeks and weeks to arrive. This one was pretty simple, just saying how much Mav and Ice missed him (and a few lines in Ice's handwriting saying that Maverick at least hadn't been court-martialed… yet) and that they were hoping to be back by Christmas. They couldn't say exactly where they were or what missions they'd done or anything like that, and the letter was dated from three weeks ago, but it made Bradley smile, knowing his surrogate father and uncle were alive, and out there protecting their country…

Bradley couldn't wait to join them…

They returned from the Persian Gulf at the end of December, but in Norfolk, and were home in San Diego a few days after that, after Christmas but before New Year's.

Bradley went with Sarah and the kids to meet Mav and Ice, along with families of other sailors and aviators.

Daniel and Felicity ran straight for their father.

Bradley ran straight to Maverick, nearly toppling him.

"MAV!" Bradley cried, grabbing the older man in a fierce hug.

Maverick was hugging the boy back with all of his strength, closing his eyes as Bradley burrowed his head in Maverick's hair. Maverick was happy, but what he felt most of all was relief.

Losing his mother less than a year ago, then the man who was as close to a father as Bradley could remember - he only remembered snippets of Goose - leaving to go war, and his Uncle Ice…it had been harder on the young man than he'd realized until now.

Bradley pulled away from Maverick with tears in his eyes, unsurprised to see Mav's eyes shining as well. They grinned at each other.

"I swear you've grown since I last saw you!" Mav was saying as he looked Bradley over.

Ice came over then, smiling, and grabbing Bradley in a hug, as Maverick began hugging Ice's family.

They all headed back to Ice and Sarah's, and although all Ice and Mav wanted was showers and three days of sleep, they were overjoyed to be all together again.

They had dinner together before Bradley drove Maverick home (he'd borrowed Ice's car that day, since Mav AND his pack wouldn't fit on the motorcycle).

Bradley knew Mav was exhausted but he couldn't help but to chatter the whole way home, and Mav was happy just to listen to his son.

"I know you're tired Mav, but do you think we could make popcorn and and hang out on the couch and watch a movie like we used to?"

Who could say no to that?

"Sounds great. How about I shower while you make popcorn, Bradley?"

Maverick thought for sure that he would fall asleep the second he sat on the couch anyway, but he knew Bradley was longing for any kind of familiarity, especially now.

Maverick wasn't interested in any of the movies on that involved the military, or anything intense, but Bradley found "October Sky" on cable and they settled in to watch it.

Maverick found his thoughts wandering, staring at the screen but not really watching the film. His body was exhausted, too tired to talk, but his mind wasn't tired enough to stop thinking. He wanted to ask Bradley how things had been the last month or so, he'd gotten a letter back (as long as mail took to reach the US fromthe carrier, it took even longer for the mail to get to the carrier), he wanted to tell him about their bombing runs, about outrunning and outwitting missiles…

His mind must have reallywandered, because all of a sudden there were fingers snapping in his face. He blinked rapidly, his brain coming to as he saw Bradley's concerned face come into focus.

"Mav? Mav are you okay? You had me worried for a minute."

Mav smiled wearily at him, patting Bradley's fade gently.

"Sorry, kiddo. I'm alright, just tired and thinking."

Bradley muted the TV and sat back down next to Maverick.

"Mav…what's it like out there?"

Mav made a noise that was a cross between a sigh and a chuckle.

"It's…a lot to explain. Maybe we can talk about that after I've had some sleep, hmm?"

Bradley nodded.

"Sure, Mav, yeah, it's just…I feel so useless. I'm ready to go into the Navy, to help fight the war, to serve my country."

Maverick's heart stopped. Anxiety hammered in his chest but he managed to keep his voice neutral.

"You should still give it some time, Bradley, the academy is a lot of work, a lot of pressure…"

Bradley sat up, suddenly offended.

"Well how would you know? You didn't even go to the Naval Academy."

Maverick sat up straight as well. That was true, but it was because of false reports about his father, not anything to do with him…

He did his best to not get short with the young man; he'd been through a lot, far more than most eighteen year olds, and Maverick suspected Bradley was holding some resentment towards him for leaving, regardless of how irrational that resentment may be.

Bradley sighed.

"Sorry, Mav…" at Maverick's nod, Bradley said, "speaking of which, I actually called the Naval Academy not long after Uncle Ice left to go to overseas."

Maverick's heart froze again, the anxiety now hammering at his stomach, his chest, his back…

"Oh, really?" He managed to whisper.

Bradley nodded, his eyebrows puckering.

"Yeah, but it was funny, they said they didn't see my application anywhere. But I figured it was because of the deferment, you know? And he said everything is so crazy now since the attacks…"

Maverick nodded slowly, feeling air return to his lungs.

"Yeah that must be it…"

Just tell him, Maverick,a voice said in his mind, sounding suspiciously like Carole.

This is a perfect opportunity. Just tell him.

He couldn't.

He scooted closer to Bradley on the couch.

"Hey, quit hogging the snacks! And come on, let's watch the rest of the movie, hmm?"

Bradley relaxed and nodded, and ended up being the one to fall asleep before it was over, his head on Mav's shoulder.

Maverick was the one who was awake far later than he should have been, staring at the blank screen of the television, thinking about how he'd rather be in the middle of a dogfight than tell Bradley what he'd done.

They did a combined Christmas and New Year's celebration with the Kazanskys, and then not long after, Maverick was sent back to the Theodore Roosevelt; Bradley was alone again for several weeks. Uncle Ice said he wouldn't have to go this time but he still spent many long hours on base or, even if he was home, on the phone.

Bradley started seeing a girl from work, so his spare time was quite filled anyway, and besides he had a whole empty apartment to himself…or to himself and Jenna…

Then Uncle Ice was deployed again, he got letters from them again, and before he knew it, it had been a year since his mother had passed.

Sarah had offered to go with him to the cemetery, but he had kindly refused. He wanted to talk to his mom and dad alone today.

He sat between the graves, glad he'd brought his sunglasses for the late spring sun, and found he had a hard time turning his feelings into words.

"Please don't be offended, Dad, but I really miss Mom."

He'd had her for far longer after all.

"And Dad…I know you can see it, but Mav's really done his best to fill in for you. I miss you, too, though. I wish I'd had you andMav."

Bradley sighed. Maybe that wasn't fair to Maverick, maybe it was the right thing to say.

Maverick had pictures of Goose in their apartment, most of them stuck on the refrigerator and one or two stuck in the frame of the bathroom mirror. There were pictures of Bradley too, and Carole, and a family shot of the Kazanskys…

"I can't believe it's been a year, Momma. Slider and Claire surprised me and came to graduation, Maverick took a thousand pictures, just like you would have done."

He chuckled at the memory, then his sadness increased as he remembered crying with Maverick during the party…

"I think Uncle Ice was right to defer my application to the Naval Academy, but I think I'm ready now. I hate watching them leave on deployment while I'm stuck here. I just want to make you both proud."

A memory flitted into his mind, remembering, of all things, sitting on top of a piano while his father loudly singing and playing "Great Balls of Fire," Maverick coming over to join them, singing as loudly as Goose was. Bradley remembered laughing as they sang together, and as his mom had come over and sat in her husband's lap to join him at the piano….

He drew a long, shuddering breath as tears sprang to his eyes. It's not that he'd forgotten that completely, but it was one of the few times he could remember being with all three parents: Mom, Dad, and Mav. He was sure there were more memories like that but they were locked away in memories he had been too young to consciously keep.

He remembered Maverick saying he alwaysfelt a breeze ruffle his hair when he came out here, especially when he laid his palm on Goose's, and now also Carole's, headstone. Bradley did the same now, and did indeed felt a soft breeze in his hair. He grinned in spite of his location, pressing his left palm against his father's stone, and his right hand against his mother's.

"I just hope you guys are having a great time together," he whispered.

"I love you, Mom and Dad."

And with that he stood and brushed the grass off his pants and headed home.

He was surprised and pleased to find a message on their answering machine from Maverick.

"Hi, kiddo! We just docked in Norfolk. Why we can't ever dock in San Diego I'll never know. But anyway, Ice and I are finally stateside, we'll be home in a few days, I'll call you when I know exactly when." A pause, and then,

"And…I gotta make this quick, but of course Ice and I remembered what today is…we love you, Bradley, we'll see you soon."

Thanks, Mom,Bradley thought as he played the message one more time, grateful to hear Mav's voice.

This time they'd been gone for over four months, and Bradley grabbed Maverick just as hard as he had when Mav had come back from Afghanistan the first time. Bradley noticed how much more harried Ice and Mav looked this time than they had the last time, how Ice kept shooting concerned glances at Maverick, even over dinner, but they'd been gone longer, and he figured it was exhaustion.

When they got done with dinner at the Kazanskys, and Bradley drove back to their apartment (this time in the beater car he'd saved up for), he noticed Maverick was quieter than normal.

"You okay, Mav?"

Maverick squeezed his eyes shut for several long moments before opening them again.

"War…is hell, Bradley."

And that's all he would say about it for the rest of the night, and when he went to bed gave Bradley a very long, verytight hug, as though he had thought he was never going to make it home this time.

Bradley was more and more convinced that it was time for him to call the Academy again. He was ready, wasn't he? There was no end in sight yet to pull out of Afghanistan, not even close, and rumors were starting about war with Iraq or Iran as well.

So the next week, when Mav was going to be on base and Bradley was off work, he decided to call again.

This time he had to speak to several people before he was redirected to someone higher up in the admissions office.

He paced the apartment, his heart pounding.

"Wait, what are you saying?"

"Mr. Bradshaw, I'm sorry but my records are showing that a Captain Pete Mitchell pulled your application last fall. You know him, don't you?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"And he didn't tell you?"

NO, no he didn't. GodDAMNit…Bradley thought, but out loud he only managed to say tersely:

"No…no, ma'am he hasn't mentioned it."

"Oh, well I amsorry, Mr. Bradshaw. But that application has been pulled."

Bradley felt hot anger burn its way up his body and settle in his face, his cheeks and ears hot and red, his chest tight, his heart pounding.

"Okay…um…thank you."

He hung up and threw the phone on the couch.

What the hell had just happened?

Mav…pulled his papers? And didn't tellhim? What the HELL…

He again paced the apartment restlessly, and finally decided to call Maverick, not trusting himself to keep his voice calm but frankly in that moment he didn't care.

He had to call Mav's cell twice before he answered.

"Bradley? I've been in meetings, you alright?"

Bradley wanted to approach this rationally. He wantedto have a calm, fact-based conversation with his surrogate father, the only parent he had left…

Unfortunately, he was unable to do so.

"You sonofabitch!"