Chapter 48

Jon simply held her, letting her shed her tears.

The weight that must've been lifted from her, he could only imagine. If he would have known the chain of events he would start the night he killed Ryan, he wouldn't have done it. He had wanted to save her, protect her, and in the end, what had he caused her? Terror. Pain. Grief. Jon had ripped her world apart, and instead of protecting her, he had put a giant target on her, and Colby had homed in like the vulture he had been, taking advantage and shredding her to pieces.

"I'm sorry, Vallea." He rasped, kissing the top of her head. She probably had no idea what he meant, but he still had to say it.

"T-This isn't your f-fault…" Vallea stammered out through hiccoughs, slowly pulling back enough to look up at him and let him wipe her tears away. "I-I should've told you…I-I let him get in my head and made me believe he would turn you in. I let fear destroy us when all I wanted to do was protect you. And I f-failed at it…because I believed that son of a bitch…" Seth did have the evidence, though, and there wasn't a doubt in her mind Jon would've wound up in prison. So either way, she would've lost him if she didn't comply with what Seth wanted. Then again, telling Jon would've warranted him having more blood on his hands, on his conscience because he would've killed Seth. Again, there was no doubt in her mind about it. "I-I destroyed us…I l-lied to you after making you promise me you'd never lie to me again…I turned around and did the same d-damn thing to you. A-And I hate myself for it…I h-hate myself for not being s-stronger against him and not telling him to fuck off, for n-not telling you w-what was going on…"

Considering he had railed at her for that, for not coming to him and letting him handle it…Jon felt like a complete and utter jackass. He had put those thoughts in her head. At the time, he had been livid and scared, along with a bunch of other things he didn't want to recall. Now…now he was able to look at it a little clearer, and at the time, she was doing what she believed she had to. Colby hadn't given her much choice, and Jon knew it. He had known it then, he just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it.

"It's okay, it's done now, Val."

All the things she'd done in front of him with Seth, how she'd gotten on her knees to suck Seth off…all the kissing, touching, affection she had to fake in order to make it believable. Vallea felt the dagger dig deeper into her heart. Jon was too good for her, holding her and telling her it was all over and done with now, comforting her after she ripped his heart out, put it in a blender, and served it to him on the rocks. Now she was living with him, putting him through more pain, more heartache.

How was that fair? How was ANY of this fair?

"I-I'm sorry…" She sniffled, pulling away from him, and wiped her tears away, not having a right to cry in front of him after what she did. It didn't matter the circumstances or how much pressure she'd been under or being blackmailed…what she said to Jon the night of their breakup was cold, unforgiving, and cruel. "I-I'm okay…I'm fine…" The expression on her face and the look in her eyes told him otherwise.

"We're really going to do the lying thing again?" Jon asked, resignation in his tone. It was written all over her pale, pinched face that she wasn't fine. "Fine. You're fine."

Shaking his head, he gave the fire another good poke before heading towards the house. She was not fine. She would probably not be fine for a long time to come. Hell, she still had to deal with the aftermath of Colby's death, his assets and everything, until she managed to unload that house in Davenport. Why did he care? Jon cared because he still loved her. He was probably always going to love her if he were honest with himself.

Letting him walk away was the best thing she could've done…for him. It killed her to do it, but it was for the best. Jon deserved someone who could make him happy all the time, not just for 6 months until something or someone tried tearing them apart. Be it murder or a conniving coworker. She stayed out there and continued crying until the fire died down completely, not wanting to leave it unattended. Jon had gone back in the house to give her time alone, she supposed. Walking back inside, she went straight to her room and lay down, crying herself to sleep.

This had been an exhausting day.

In the blink of an eye, three months had passed since the night the evidence was destroyed and Vallea moved in with Jon. Nobody on the roster knew due to her not changing her address and both keeping their mouths shut. Not even Joe knew of the living arrangements. It was better to keep it secret from everyone, considering she was still supposed to be mourning over her dead husband. Fat chance of THAT happening! The nightmares had stopped altogether for Vallea, which was a good thing, and she'd been getting proper sleep again. Eating right, working out, and taking better care of herself than she had in a long time. She traveled separately from Jon and still did all of his arrangements and scheduling, not minding her contract bound to his.

They had developed some kind of friendship, she supposed, though nothing major or deep was discussed between them. Jon did his thing, she did hers, and they barely spoke to each other when they were home on their days off. It was lonely traveling by herself, but Vallea was getting used to it and had become accustomed to only relying on herself, nobody else. She couldn't believe it'd been 6 months since she killed Seth, and thankfully, the house in Davenport had finally sold for a little more than she asked for. All that money would go to charity, she wanted none of it.

"Goddamn it, Momo," She had come to the arena, just to make him try on this stupid monkey suit because he had told her, repeatedly, he wasn't going to wear the damn thing. If Joe wanted him to be the Best Man, Joe could deal with black slacks and a nice shirt. She was insisting on tuxedos. "I feel like an asshole!"

"Because you ARE one, Jon." She said sweetly, her current personal assistant taking measurements. "It looks good; you look good. Please tell me you're not bringing that Darla. Anyone who calls you 'Daddy' has issues."

"Haven't a clue what you're talking about."

Vallea sat in the corner, trying not to laugh and sipped her coffee while typing on her laptop, minding her own business. She wasn't invited to the wedding because she and Monique didn't speak anymore. Her fault, naturally. Everything was her fault, but she was dealing and coping with it. Darla…there was a nightmare waiting to happen, and she really hoped, for Jon's sake, he got rid of her. That was NOT the woman for him.

Hell, Vallea didn't even know what kind of woman was right for him, and quite frankly, it wasn't her business. She currently had earbuds in, but no music since she wanted to hear whatever was said between Jon and Monique. She sifted through her song list and picked another band before getting back to work. Music had really helped her over the past 6 months; she was going to need a slew of MP3 players at this rate.

First, Vallea had left Vegas and abandoned her because her relationship with Jon hadn't worked out. Okay, Monique would have gotten some of it or been a bit more understanding if Vallea had ever bothered to reply to her. But she hadn't. Then…she married Seth fucking Rollins and broke Jon's heart, like…it was some weird turnabout game.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. She's not invited. You don't get a plus one."

"Joe said I do."

"Joe was being polite, I am not."

Vallea couldn't make her friendship with Monique right because she couldn't tell the woman what happened. She couldn't tell her the truth of it all. The woman would think she was an insane murderer, both of them, and she had sworn never to bring up Ryan, Nick, and Seth again. People had to BELIEVE she chose Seth over Jon because she fell for the man instead of being blackmailed. It sucked because Vallea missed her best friend and had nobody else to talk to, to vent with, to cry on their shoulder about how much she missed Jon. She had dug herself so deep a hole, there was no escape from it. And now Monique would get married without her and have a happy, fulfilling life with Joe that she deserved. Life wasn't fair sometimes, but again, Vallea was coping and dealing with it the best she could.

"Well, what if I don't bring Darla?"

Darla was a fling and one he did not indulge in now that Vallea was sort of back in the picture. Even as 'just friends', it felt weird and wrong having his busty, blonde sex buddy around. That wasn't to say he might not have maybe once, only once, had a lapse in judgment and let her do something terrible to him with her pink lipstick-painted mouth.

"Well, that's fine then. Anyone but her."

Jon grinned wickedly, his icy blues straying to Vallea.

"I'm sure you can find someone more…WORTHY to come to our wedding. Just…make sure she's dressed for it. Black tie, you know the deal." Monique was only getting married once in her life and had pulled out all the stops for this wedding. Whatever she wanted, Joe was onboard for as long as she was happy. She completely missed the way Jon side-eyed his potential plus one for the wedding, talking to her personal assistant about the measurements and nodded. "All right, Buster, out of the pants so they can be fixed."

Vallea was not at all surprised when Jon dropped them in front of her and kept her eyes GLUED to her laptop screen.

"You're an ass, Good!" Monique shrieked and, not able to help herself, shot Vallea a look to see what the other was looking at. Vallea was staring at her laptop like nothing else was going on, and that was like…confirmation or something. She turned back to Jon, rolling her eyes at the sight of him swaying in his boxer briefs, his hands on his hips. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Stag party? Only for you. Get some ones out, Momo, I promise I don't cost that much."

She picked up the pants and threw them in his face, trying not to laugh.

When Jon started gyrating his hips and acting like a stripper, Vallea had looked up just as the song in her earbuds ended and caught what Monique said. "Oh my god…" She covered her mouth with her hand, laughing hard, and wasn't the least bit surprised when Monique pulled out some dollar bills to throw at him. "Hell, I'll get in on this!" Vallea crowed, pulling out a few dollar bills of her own, and Jon was slowly rained with them just as Joe came through the door.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"

"Hey, honey, it's my stag party, courtesy of your Best Man!"

Joe tried to be stern, but all he could do was laugh at his best friend and fiancée.

"I'm a bit disappointed, though. I figured with as hot as I am," Jon rolled his hips, hands laced behind his head. "They'd at least, you know, try stuffing my waistband or something."

Joe had out his cell phone. "Go on, keep going, social media is going to love this." He knew how much Jon despised Facebook, Instagram, all that 'shit' as he called it.

"Go ahead, and I'll skull fuck you before you make it down the aisle."

Joe winced at that mental image and promptly erased the footage. "Fair enough. Get your clothes on."

Vallea hadn't laughed this hard in a long time, and it felt great, her stomach hurting as she sat back down on the couch. Jon made sure she had a comfortable area where she could do her work at every arena, and the company obliged since most of her time was spent in his dressing room.

"Oh, come on, baby, you know you're the only one for me." Monique crooned, sliding her fingers through Joe's long black hair, and smiled at Jon. "I'll let you know when your pants are ready to try on again." The wedding was a month away, hopefully, they could get everything they wanted done before the big day arrived.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And no skanky bitches!" She added as she and Joe walked out with said pants, laughing. She even nodded at Vallea on her way by.

"Well, that was fun." Jon shut the door behind them, shaking his head as he, in nothing but said boxer briefs, rifled through his bag. Since he had to work…no sense in putting back on his street attire. "You're coming as my plus one, by the way, so pencil us both in."

Water promptly FLEW out of Vallea's mouth in a spray as she splattered it everywhere on the floor, having just taken a drink of her bottled water. "W-What?!" She croaked out, coughing, and hopped up from the couch to grab paper towels, wondering if she had heard Jon correctly. "I-I don't think…" That was NOT a good idea! Had he lost his mind?! "No, I'm not your plus one to that wedding. Monique doesn't want me there, not that I blame her. You're gonna have to find someone else or go alone and bang one of the bridesmaids or something." Wow, she hadn't meant for that thought to pop out of her mouth. "I mean…You know what I mean!" Damn it, she was all flustered now, thanks to him!

"Uh, no…no I don't think so." Jon argued, trying and failing to hide just how amused he was with her. He watched as she stood up to try mopping water off of her top and sauntered towards her, still in just his boxer/briefs. He watched as Vallea stepped back, right into that corner, and leaned in, resting his hand over her head. "Consider it a work date, you'll be fine." Monique hadn't said a word about Vallea being at her wedding.

She had said no to Darla.

This was the first time Jon had been this close to her in a while, and Vallea swore her heart was going to fly out of her chest at any second to bounce against his muscular chest. It was pounding that hard and fast, thundering in her ears. Jon in just his boxer/briefs, towering over her with his hand pressed against the wall above her head…she could smell the aftershave and his own personal scent that always made her heady.

"A work date, huh?" Jesus, why was her mouth suddenly bone dry? The thirst was real for her when it came to this man. "Jon, you don't wanna piss Monique off, especially on her wedding day. If you get the approval from her for me to go, then fine, I'll go…as your work date." She congratulated herself for keeping her voice steady and calm. "I'm compromising, but I won't go until you get her approval."

"You don't get a say. You've had way too many sayings, I think we'll try it my way, babe."

Jon already knew Momo was going to have a bitch fit, at first. But then she'd realize that he COULD bring Darla, and she'd cave. The fact that she actually tolerated being in the same room as Vallea without making comments or being a bitch, well…that was progress. Given everything she had said after Vallea had stopped talking to her, for a SECOND time, when they had sort of started texting again, the woman was a saint in his eyes.

"Schedule it. It'll be fun."

"Excuse me?" Vallea raised a slow brow, folding her arms in front of her chest. "No, that's not how this works. I DO have a say in the matter, and if you don't get the bride's approval, I'm NOT going." She refused to piss the bride-to-be off; if Jon wanted Bridezilla to come out, he was doing a great job going in that direction. "Work date or not, I won't disrespect Monique like that, regardless of what you say."

Try it his way – yeah, sure and watch Monique's head explode.

No thanks, she would pass on that.

Jon shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever, Vallea. Don't go. You act like I wouldn't have said anything to her." Shows what she knew about him.

Vallea had had a bit too much say when it came to things related to him and her. That was why they weren't together and had spent all that time suffering in their own ways, including her personal beating and rape hell. Talking about disrespecting Monique, she'd done a bit more than disrespect her. He was away from her now, pulling on his pants. Abandoning her, then trying to strike up that friendship again, only to abandon her again. He realized that Momo probably was never going to really trust other women again and frowned. Well, if anyone could fix some of that damage, it would be Joe. They were good for each other.

"Jon!" Vallea shouted his name in frustration, wondering what was going through this man's mind, and could see the annoyance written on his face. "Look, Monique and I…I can't make things right with her without telling her the TRUTH. Do you understand that? I can't tell the woman I used to call my best friend the truth because it would be too risky. Just like you haven't told Joe anything either. The LAST thing I wanna do is open that wound with her and I don't want her pissed off on her wedding day. She doesn't deserve that. It's not that I don't WANT to go with you; I just want to make sure she's okay with it. And you can say whatever you want to her, but the bride's word is final for her wedding, and if she truly doesn't want me there, she'll make sure I'm not, no matter what the Best Man says." He couldn't deny that fact. "I didn't mean to…get an attitude with you over it, but if you think you have a say in the guest list or what goes on at this wedding, think again." Monique was a control freak at times, and planning a beautiful wedding in Hawaii…control freak was probably in overdrive.

"YOU should have never walked away from her to begin with, Vallea." Jon shot back in a flat tone, his eyes narrowed and iced over. "YOU shouldn't have shut her out when you probably needed her the most, she didn't deserve that. As for what she wants, I had every intention of asking her first before springing you. I'm fairly certain she knew I was too because that's how Momo operates." And Momo disliked Darla a lot more than she disliked Vallea at the moment. "You act like I don't think things through, so you have to have YOUR say and YOUR way, and I don't roll like that. I think. I ask. Got me?" Her way lost Vallea her friends, her job…and then it cost her all that, all over again, with Colby. "Just forget it…this is a bad idea. I'm a fucking idiot sometimes." It had never been like this. He would have laughed at what she had said and agreed, and now…now he felt the NEED to assert himself. "Just…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, doll."

"Fine then, whatever." Vallea wanted to say so many things to him and couldn't because a lot of what he said was the truth.

What was she supposed to do? Admit to Monique what Jon did because of her? Go to the woman about Seth's ultimatum and blackmail? No, that wouldn't have ended well, and Monique would've probably turned Jon in to the police. Of course, he didn't think that way because they were buddy-buddy right now. She sat back down on the couch, put her earbuds back in, and resumed her work, trying to pretend that the conversation had never happened. Jon wouldn't have a problem finding someone else to go with to the wedding; the man was walking, talking sex.

She never had to say anything to Monique about the murder thing. She could have said anything but that. She could have explained that she was having issues and still maintained a friendship. But Vallea was all or nothing; he had learned that the very hard, painful way. Trying to forget that they had just had that conversation, Jon finished dressing and began hopping from one foot to the other, rolling his head. He hadn't broken up his friendship with Joe because the man was dating Vallea's best friend and was insanely happy. Jon just didn't understand how a person's personal pain could blind them to others. His had nearly killed him, but that didn't mean he was pulling those he cared about down with him. Of course, how people handled things was different.

"Sorry." He muttered again, walking out of the room.

He needed air and an actual cigarette.