In the warehouse, it was hot and stuffy as it would be during the height of summer. Kaji found himself tugging at his shirt as he leaned against the wall. The familiar weight of his pistol lay on his belt but he still found himself checking it was there.
One could not be too paranoid in his business.
The door was slightly cracked, sunlight and a faint breeze passing through it. His companion did not look at him but the cats she fed. She murmured, "There's a chemical firm funded overseas here in town. Same building for nine years and not much else has changed. I can't say if its even operational anymore. They're affiliated with the so-called Marduk Institute."
"What's that mean then?" Kaji murmured back.
"It's a dummy corporation along with the other 105 dummy ones of the 108 that make up the Institute."
That was just about what Kaji suspected but his contacts in the government still wanted him to investigate them. This must have been the dozenth one he had come across. They were all the same: abandoned buildings that might have did business long ago but were now a mere cover. All to make a very small organization look bigger than it was.
She set down the empty cat food container and picked up her magazine, leaning back against the wall. She opened it and began to peruse it. Set inside was a sheet of paper with a list of names and credentials.
Kaji glanced at it,"The board of directors? All familiar names."
"So I take it you already know?"
"I know what it's really supposed to be. An advisory body controlled by the Human Instrumentality Committee to select Eva pilots. How it does isn't very clear."
"You really shouldn't be investigating that. You were only sent to investigate NERV," she chastised softly.
"If I'm correct, this involves NERV. And if it doesn't...well, I must know everything."
His contact sighed, "That kind of thinking kills good men."
He didn't have a response. All he could think about was Misato's outburst from only a night or so ago.
"If you're like my father, your work will kill you!"
In his office, Gendo Ikari was brooding—as he was often to do. He heard the door to his office open and from across the space cross Fuyutski. He didn't expect anyone else, after all he was the only one who was allowed to come in without invitation. He took up the space at his right side and looked out the window overlooking the Geofront. He asked softly, "So how did the visit to Yui's grave go?"
"Is that all you came to do?" Gendo asked.
"I must admit I was curious, as its the first time you two have spoken face-to-face in some time," Fuyutski gave a wry smile.
Gendo closed his eyes behind his glasses. The Vice Commander was his confidant in a lot of ways, at least in matters of the mind. He rarely asked about anything concerning the heart as if he knew he wasn't one to put some thoughts into words.
So he stuck to the facts, "The boy appeared to be in decent spirits. He wished for us to speak again sometime."
"That's quite the development. Did you entertain that question?"
"I...expressed upon him the futility of that. He's old enough to understand he must walk his own path and that he no longer needs his father."
Fuyutski raised his eyebrows, "You believe that?"
"What I believe is irrelevant," Gendo's tone inched a hair close to irritated, "It would be...cruel...to extend an invitation I cannot follow through on."
"Cannot or will not?"
"Fuyutski…," his tone lowered further, a warning.
The older man smiled tightly, "I just want to make sure you can face the end with no regrets."
"There is no way for a human being to die without regrets," Gendo murmured, "He must only continue to move forward."
Asuka wondered sometimes if there was a point to showering on the mornings before tests. After all, standard protocol required the pilots to shower before entering the plug, as to minimize foreign material being brought within. Nevertheless, this morning she did, since she knew she'd feel gross if she didn't. After, she joined Shinji and Misato for breakfast.
They began to eat in silence until she broke the ice, "So I heard you went with Kaji to that wedding a few nights ago."
"And Ritsuko and Maya," Misato corrected in a tone that suggested she thought it was too early for this.
"We saw Kaji brought you home. You know that right?"
"Asuka, I wasn't so wasted I don't remember how I got home. We just went to the wedding and had some drinks, that's all. I might have just drank too much."
"This doesn't sound like nothing," Asuka smiled smugly and got up to press a button on the answering machine.
From it came Kaji's voice, "Katsuragi, how do you feel about going out when I return? I found a new bar that I'd like to try. I'll be back in Tokyo-3 tonight. Get back to me."
Misato scowled, "You weren't supposed to hear that."
Shinji spoke up, "You shouldn't tease Misato about that…"
She put her hands on her hips and scowled, "Why not? Some kinda double standard since she teases us all the time."
Some hours later, sync tests were over and done with. To Asuka, it felt like every other sync test she had done. But yet, Misato had called all four into the command center, very excited about something.
"I wonder if something is wrong..." Shinji frowned, "I mean, it all felt normal."
"That it did," Rei agreed.
"She wouldn't be so excited if something was wrong," Asuka pointed out.
They came into the command room, where Misato was studying a terminal screen. Beside her, Kaworu was standing at attention, in his black plugsuit. Misato smiled as she turned to them, "You guys won't believe it!"
"Believe what?" Asuka asked.
"Boring data first," Misato told her, "Kaworu is still on course but is reaching what would be decent sync rates in an actual Eva!"
"That's amazing!" Shinji smiled at him.
"That's not even the really interesting thing," she stepped aside to reveal the graph on the computer screen.
On the screen were four colored bars showing their sync rates. Kaworu's, colored silver, was the lowest but still midway up the screen. But the other three's? Were seemingly all tied for first place.
"We're...tied?" Shinji asked.
"For the most part, after its averaged out. Isn't that great!" Misato cheered, "All new records too!"
Asuka was feeling a whole lot of emotions. On the forefront was surprise. Hers being so high wasn't the surprise, as she had experience the other two didn't. It would actually more sense if she was ahead of them. Had her and Kaworu's influence really affected them that much?
Shinji actually tying with her made sense since they had been vying for the lead role for that last few weeks. But Rei?
She stole a glance at the girl. Rei still hadn't talked to her all that much since the kiss. They made small talk when they saw each other but there was a palpable tension in the air when they did. If anything, Asuka thought that would have lowered her sync rate.
A familiar anxiety blossomed in her gut.
She was pulled from her thoughts when Misato took Kaworu's wrist and pulled him over to the other three. She gathered them all up in a hug and chuckled, "I know I should be more professional but I'm just so proud of you all!"
Kaworu relaxed and returned the hug. Even Rei, who seemed caught off guard by it, looped her arms around the major. They stayed like that for a moment before Asuka spoke up, "Thanks...but uh, you're getting LCL on you, Misato. We didn't get to the showers yet."
Misato let go, wiping at the residual LCL on her, "Ew. Go get washed up. Sappy time's over."
They went their separate ways. Once in the hallway, Asuka stopped Shinji to say, "Hey….uh, good job."
He blinked at her, "You're not jealous...or anything? You could have easily been first."
Once more, that familiar anxiety writhed around inside her, like an angry thing. She swallowed those pesky feelings. "Ehhhh, a little but hey, we're tied! You haven't beat me for good yet!" she smirked at him.
He gave her a grin, a determined look in his eyes, one that caught her a little off guard, "What if I did?"
She scowled, "Then more motivation for me to do better. What are you playing at, Shinji?"
He shrugged and admitted, "I dunno. You don't have to worry, I'm not trying to beat you."
"You don't have to be trying anything," she snipped, "At least you're not as mopey as you were the other day. Before you saw your father."
They walked together to where the locker rooms were and as they did, Shinji smiled, unaffected by her snippiness, "I guess between talking to Misato and Kaworu, it cheered me up."
Probably moreso Kaworu, she thought. She had been pretty surprised when nothing actually came of their visit. Then again, Shinji was still so passive and Kaworu so hesitant to reach out.
As they split off into their separate ways, Asuka's thoughts turned darker once more. Was Shinji and Rei's raised competence all the reason they were tied or was she backsliding? Her debacle with Rei could certainly cause that!
To her dismay, Rei was already in the showers, in her own stall stripping off her plugsuit. Asuka went into her own, stared at the wall for a moment, then asked, "Hey, Rei...you're doing alright, right?"
"Of course. Why would I not be?"
"We haven't really talked since the...y'know...kiss."
"Oh. I suppose you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it quite yet."
"Alright..." Asuka chewed on her lip, anxiety continuing to gnaw on her heart.
She turned her head, finding Rei only a foot away, head peeking over the barriers between stalls, "You wouldn't be upset at me?" Asuka asked, unable to help herself.
"No. Why would I?" her response was as flat as ever but, by the tilt of her head, she was confused.
"It feels so tense when we talk. And I think I overstepped."
"That's not the case. I...I promise."
Asuka rocked in place, anxious still then admitted, "It reminded me of something that happened a while ago. I made someone do something for a selfish reason. So I couldn't help but compare the two things."
Rei hummed in thought, "I don't believe it's comparable. You'd have to tell me more later."
Asuka opened her mouth to respond but instead of her words filling the room, the Angel alarms did with a fierce squall. She swore under her breath in German. Rei simply started putting her plugsuit back on, an air of resignation around her.
Asuka sighed, "Yeah, we'll talk after this Angel…"
Leliel had come.
As the techs chattered over her comm, Asuka was doing her own checklist within her plug. This Angel was the one with the shadow. It appeared as a sphere but that was technically its shadow. Its "shadow" was its body, which led to a Dirac Sea, a sort of imaginary space that was larger on the inside than the outside. Anything it touched was swallowed and sent into this space.
So don't touch the shadow. Simple in theory. She'd have to either keep the other two away from it or suggest this, in a manner that didn't seem like she had information she shouldn't.
Her comm crackled to life, Misato's voice coming through, "It's a good thing we had you guys already here, since this Angel appeared out of nowhere. Well, we don't know if it's an Angel, as its showing up as a Pattern Orange."
"I assume we're treating it as one?" Asuka asked.
"I'm not sure what else it could be so treating it as a Pattern Blue is a safe assumption. Exercise caution. We have little information on its capabilities so we're going to see if we can scout out what it does."
A couple of text boxes and an image of the Angel appeared on Asuka's screen and she supposed the other two were seeing it too. She willed them to disappear. "There isn't much," Rei commented.
"I'm sorry we couldn't be of more help but we've got to send you up top now. Remember: exercise caution. Retrieve your preferred weapons, ideally long-distance, approach slowly and be on the lookout for trouble. If you guys can lure it outside city limits, all the better to minimize collateral."
"I'll take point!" Asuka immediately offered.
"Asuka, I need you to be serious," Misato warned.
"And I am being serious! We might be tied for sync scores but I've still got the most training."
A long sigh came from Misato and Asuka frowned. "Alright, Asuka is point," she finally conceded.
Asuka grinned. She hoped one day she could tell her about the loop memories, if only so she could point out she really did have the most experience.
This was almost fortuitous. If she could figure out a way to combat this Angel this time around, this would place her back on top, not on equal pacing with the other two. After all, she had been through this before, so that was really where she should be.
If one went by logic. It's not like she had any personal stake in where she sat, she insisted.
And if she could change how this went, then that'd feel pretty good too.
"Evas, launch!" Misato cried.
Once they were on the surface, Asuka went to the nearest weapons locker and retrieved a pallet rifle. She eyed the ax and decided to grab that too, wielding the rifle one handed. It wasn't the best to lug around but she couldn't leave the risk of being trapped on the ground. She then stopped behind the next building over and watched the Angel.
"What should we do?" Shinji asked.
"I'm thinking..." she murmured.
How to beat the Angel this time around was a good question. Last time it had all come down to Unit 01's berserk state and it had remained unclear the exact logistics of what had happened and why. Where would its core be: within the shadow or the true body?
She chewed her lip and came up with a rudimentary idea. She instructed over the comm, "You two stay back for backup, I'm going to probe its defenses."
"Asuka, I have the sniper rifle-" Rei began.
Her response was short and tense, "I will lead."
"...right." Rei conceded, a heavy pit forming in her stomach.
This was a whole new emotion to Rei and she didn't like it. Dread crawled up her back as she watched Asuka press forward, darting behind buildings until she had a clear shot, but wasn't too close, lest it retaliate. She stabbed her ax into the ground then leveled her rifle at it. She peppered the Angel in a few shots then danced backwards. The move was calculated...did she think the Angel had a beam attack?
The Angel vanished, its deep black shadow expanding over the ground. At once, noise erupted over the comms. "It disappeared!" Ritsuko cried.
At the same time, Asuka retrieved the ax and launched herself at the nearest building, using it to haul herself up. "Get clear!" she cried.
The shadow advanced on Asuka's perch atop the slowly sinking building. She peppered a few more shots into the shadow which shuddered, LCL bleeding from it. In response, the shadow consumed the buildings all the faster. Asuka turned and hopped off hers, barely clamoring onto the next.
Shinji, having retreated along with Rei, turned to see this. He gasped, "She needs help!"
"Yes," Rei murmured, taking stock of the situation.
She levered her sniper rifle at the shadow. It was just one large target so it would be impossible to miss. Good, because she had no intention of letting this thing take Asuka.
Her shot hit true, though whether how much damage it did, she wasn't sure. Other than a ripple and a burst of LCL from the shadow, it showed no other response. Despite this, she smiled, a small one but genuine. Then she heard Asuka yell, "Rei, no!" as the Angel disappeared.
It reappeared beneath her, her Eva's feet sinking into it like wet mud. She couldn't place the sensation except there was massive resistance to pull her legs out of it. She fired another shot at it but it wasn't keen on letting go. Misato was yelling somewhere in the background but she heard Asuka instead, "Shinji, if you can, grab her and pull her out! I'm on my way!"
True to her word, she had leaped off the building and fired a barrage of shots into the shadow. It stopped growing, as if it was pondering its choices. Shinji took advantage of this, grabbed Rei's arm and yanked it back.
Rei bit down on her cry of protest and attempted to find leverage to yank herself out. She could feel herself being pulled up at an agonizingly slow pace. If anything, Shinji was doing more to stop her descent than actually pull her out. Misato cried, "Eject the plug! Get Rei out of there!"
"It's not responding! It's like it's being jammed!" Maya cried even as she sent another command to eject.
"Try this on for size!" Asuka howled, jumping into the fray and firing until her clip was empty.
The Angel listened to her, for it disappeared...then reappeared right under her. Asuka hissed and tossed away her now useless rifle, instead swinging her ax around and carving a large swath of the shadow out. It screamed, a single high shrill note. She grinned ferociously, "I'll get you before you get me!"
All she saw was orange and black as she carved large swathes of its "body" until a cry returned her to clarity.
"Asuka!"
She froze, Rei's cry bringing her from her berserker rage. She was knee-deep in the shadow and steadily sinking further. Her ax fell to the ground, being consumed within seconds. She cried, "Help!"
Rei and Shinji circled the shadow, attempting—and failing—to find a way to breach it. Shinji peppered it with bullets but it didn't respond. It had caught something and this time it wasn't going to let it go. In the background, Asuka could hear Misato demanding they find a way past the jammer, but there was nothing they could do except watch helplessly as the shadow drew Asuka further and further in until all of Unit 02 had disappeared.
Shinji wailed and emptied his clip into the shadow, "No, no! Give Asuka back!" he screamed.
Rei could only watched mutely, that is until it disappeared again. "Scatter!" she cried and bolted away.
Shinji followed suit, the shadow appearing under where his foot had been mere seconds ago. Over the comm, Misato cried, "Retreat! Get out of the radius!"
"But Asuka!" Shinji protested.
"Her and Unit 02 are still in there," Rei added, her tone alien from all the fear that bled into it.
Misato gritted her teeth, bowing her head, "That's an order. Retreat." she said shortly.
The other two met Kaworu nearly as soon as they exited the Entry Plugs, still soaked with LCL and sadness. Kaworu murmured, "They are going to try to reel her umbilical cord back, I heard."
"It won't work," Shinji murmured, as if in a daze.
Kaworu was silent for a moment before responding, "We don't know that," even though he did.
Rei pushed past them, her face fixed into a grim frown. She headed out with purpose they hadn't seen her give anything but Eva. She walked over to Misato and stopped beside her, looking over the ocean of void.
Shinji looked out to the shadow, "Do you think Asuka will be alright?"
"She has time. She's smart enough to switch the Eva into life support and cease movement. A solution should be found," Kaworu answered.
When they followed Rei, she murmured, "Shinji was right. There was nothing on the other end of the cable."
When the pair looked out, they found the cord being pulled in, the end ragged and torn.
Rei wondered if her insistence on not talking to Asuka about the kiss had been in error and that she had now lost any chance to ever do so. If that Angel had taken her instead...she wasn't entirely sure how but she was sure she could be replaced. Maybe by a Rei who could talk about the kiss—or one who wasn't bothered by it at all.
All three fell into a silence, looking out over the shadow, listening as Misato and the crew talked logistics. It didn't take too long for the UN to show up, their planes circling the sunken city like vultures. On the upside, the shadow had not moved since. Rei murmured softly, "She acted rashly...for my benefit."
Misato chimed in, "She did act rashly. Let her emotions be in control," she paused and added, "So I'll just have to scold her...when she gets back."
The last four words hung over them like a reaper's scythe, the unspoken if threatening to lead them into despair.
Asuka was terrified, her heart beating faster than a rabbit caught by a fox. Nonetheless, her training kicked in as she switched the Eva into life support mode and then went very, very still. In the time between her Eva being on then off, all she saw outside was a white expanse, so perfect that she simply could not comprehend the end, if there was one at all. She didn't look for too long. Don't want to be the second Soryu sent insane inside an Eva, she thought grimly as she leaned against the chair.
She sighed, a long stream of bubbles releasing into the LCL. By her estimate, she had 17 or so hours, maybe give or take an hour off that.
She grimaced. Last time, they wanted to send all the world's N2 mines into the Angel and it wasn't a reach to assume they would come to the same conclusion. And unlike Shinji, she wasn't in an Eva they valued. Misato would fight for her, for sure, and she hoped someone would listen to her.
At least, she hoped she would fight for her.
No, it was far too early to give into despair! In this loop, Misato cared for her! She wouldn't resign her to death, no matter where the higher ups thought her and Unit 02's usefulness ended. She had to surrender her fate to her because relying on Unit 02 going berserk was too much of a long shot. It had done it once before and...well, Asuka wasn't intent on remembering what happened after.
She smashed her hand against her control sticks. She felt so useless!
When no response came, she leaned back and closed her eyes.
She awoke some time later, the sleep being a blessed reprieve from her thoughts of doom and gloom. But waking to no rescue brought them back with a vengeance. Pushing them away, she sat up and switched on the sonar to get her mind off of it. She didn't dare turn on the visuals.
Her sonar and radar brought up nothing, predictably. "I don't know what's scarier, something being out there or nothing being out there," she murmured to herself.
It brought images straight out of a Lovecraft novel and she quickly turned her thoughts to something else. Namely, how hungry she was. It wasn't entirely voluntary, as her grumbling stomach called attention to itself. "Too bad there's no way to get food in here," she murmured.
The idea of eating rations soaked in LCL made her stomach turn. So she turned her thoughts once more to something else entirely. She wondered how the plans were going up top.
Misato chewed on a piece of jerky as Ritsuko presented a very slapdash presentation of their current understanding of the Angel. The Angel was actually the shadow, an impossibly small body. The body was the true shadow. If she thought about it too much, her head began to hurt. She swallowed her jerky and raised a hand, "So let me get this right, the "shadow" is the body and the "body" is the shadow?"
"That's the gist," Ritsuko nodded, "I think the body has a sort of Dirac Sea inside it. It's a, ah," she paused, waving her hand as she tried to explain it, "A sort of "imaginary and impossible" space, at least not possible in this universe. That's why it's believed this space occupies a completely different pocket universe."
"That makes no sense."
"It would make no sense to a layman. Up until now, it's been largely theoretical."
Shinji frowned from behind them, "How do we save Asuka from that? There's no way we can fight that!"
Ritsuko continued, "We're working on that. My working theory is that if we find a way to break the connection between body and shadow, we should find a way to either kill it or at least have it spit Asuka out."
Beside Shinji, Rei murmured to him, "There will be a way. There's always a way."
When Asuka woke again, it was because everything tasted of blood. She opened her eyes and gasped, flailing in a brilliant red sea. Had she failed? Why was she here? "No, no! Kaworu! Rei! Shinji! Where are you?!" she wailed, looking around wildly only to find she was in the middle of a wide and empty red sea.
There was no land, no petrified Mass Production Evas, not even the Rei corpse. It was all more wrong than before. Just her and the endless sea of souls. She shuddered and wailed, "Anybody?!"
Her head smacked against something hard and once more, her eyes snapped open to show she was still in the entry plug.
She shouldn't have been breathing so hard but she couldn't help it. The purification systems were beginning to stop working, making the LCL taste of blood. Despite the lukewarm surroundings, she felt uncomfortably warm. Her heart beat too fast, she was breathing too fast, everything was just too fast.
She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her head between them, focusing on breathing. Slowly, she began to breathe normally once more and her heart calmed.
What had that been? A dream? A vision? A hallucination? Merely a panic attack?
Whatever it had been, it terrified her. The idea that the previous lifetime had irreparably damaged her...was uncomfortable. It conjured images of white beds and white gowns and white rooms—
She was losing it, she concluded. Great, as she feared, another Soryu gone insane inside her Eva.
"No, no," she hissed, "This is different."
But she couldn't help but wonder if it truly was.
"Ritsuko, what do you mean by a forced Eva salvage?" Misato's voice was low, deadly.
Shortly after the meeting, Ritsuko had pulled her aside to a deserted corner of the rooftop. As it turned out, what she said to Shinji was a bit of a white lie. She had an idea on how to break the connection between Angel and shadow; something she referred to in distant cold terms, a "forced salvage".
Ritsuko looked uncomfortable, "It's the only possibility we have left in our disposal. The plan is to drop all 992 remaining N2 bombs into the Angel to force the connection between Angel and shadow closed. In that millisecond, the sheer explosive force will destroy the Angel and the Dirac Sea, hopefully spitting Unit 02 back out."
"What kind of...what kind of rescue operation is this?!" Misato cried, "What will become of Asuka?!"
Ritsuko couldn't meet her eye, "Because it's not a rescue operation. It's to kill the Angel. If we get Unit 02 back in operable condition, it'll be a miracle."
"So you'll kill Asuka?!" Misato shook with barely restrained fury, "That's what you mean to tell me!? That's insane!"
"Tell me, Misato! What other choice do we have?!" Ritsuko snapped back to stare at her.
Misato felt an awful sense of deja vu, "There's gotta be something!"
"There is nothing else! I'm not allowed to protest your stupid plans but you can get angry at mine?" Ritsuko asked, "You know our top priority: kill the Angels. The Children...unfortunately, the Children are incidental."
Misato bared her teeth, raised her hand and slapped her friend across the face, the sound reverberating in the silence. Ritsuko cried out in surprise, staggering back a few steps. Misato cried, "I was wrong, you really are heartless! If Asuka dies, it'll be on your hands!"
"You think I enjoy signing off on this?" Ritsuko raised her head again, her voice shaky but neutral.
"I think if it was Unit 01, things would be different."
Ritsuko stifled the hurt in her heart, told herself Misato didn't really know anything and that her anger at her was misplaced. She straightened up, "Trust me on this, it wouldn't be much different. Now, I will be taking control of this operation, effective immediately."
She immediately turned and left, ignoring the feeling to turn back and look at Misato. A very selfish thought crossed her mind, to go back and tell her everything, tell her there was more to this than she knew.
But that would not be the kindness Misato would think it was. So she kept walking.
Misato watched her go then called out weakly, "Ritsuko!"
To her surprise, the doctor paused. She swallowed thickly and said, "At least. Wait as long as you can. Give her that chance."
"...very well."
Asuka stirred awake. She felt cool, oddly cool now. There was a roar of waves behind her which made her eyes snap awake.
She was back on the beach. Just as it was in the last vision, the petrified Mass Production Evas and the Rei head was absent. But she was not alone. She sat across from herself, who wore a torn plugsuit and bandages. "Who are you?" she murmured, sitting up with her legs crossed.
"I am you," the other Asuka said, "The other you in your head."
"I don't have some "other me" in my head!" she spat back.
The other her inclined her head, "I find that's not the truth. There is many yous, residing in the minds of Kaworu Nagisa, Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, Misato Katsuragi, everyone who has known, does know and will ever know you. They are all just as true as me and you. You think yourself not afraid of these Asukas.
And then there's the other you inside of you, the previous you. You fear her the most. You fear a regression back to her."
Asuka tensed, "Everyone fears that kind of thing."
"Perhaps," the other her conceded, "But we do not speak about everyone, we speak of you. You are afraid and have always been afraid. The reasons change but the fear remains."
"You have no right!" Asuka leaned forward.
"But I do. You are afraid of how others see you. You are afraid of failure. You think yourself changed but fear that may not be the case," her eyes lit up as she repeated, "The reasons change but the fear remains."
"That's not my fault!"
"Do not blame others for your own faults. You fear failure so you fight and struggle against fate, telling yourself this makes you different from the other her. But yet...you still feel insult when others come to your level."
Asuka shuddered, "It's different now! It's not like I want to win, I need to win. I'll lose all my friends if I don't."
"Noble," the other her mused, "But you focus on this task too much to the point of overthinking."
"Well...what do you think I should do?" she sneered, choking back the terror that this other her was correct.
The other her smiled, "Let go of the fear of being lesser, being only equal. Lean on those around you. They may know more than you think."
Asuka met the other her's eye before looking away, "I can't trust you. If I falter…" she waved her arm to gesture at the wide expanse of the crimson sea, "...this will happen again."
"If you're so sure of being right then, alright," her doppelganger's eyes lit up again, "We shall see."
The dream winked out.
Outside, in the real world, Ritsuko hovered over the techs. Hyuga murmured, "The plug suit's life support systems should be giving out soon."
Maya nodded, her voice pained, "It's system is getting close to red line."
Ritsuko looked over their shoulders. "Advance the schedule by twelve minutes. Let's do this while there's a chance Asuka is still alive. We might get lucky and have her come out the other side in one piece."
Asuka floated under the sea, every breath sluggish as she remembered these were the souls of her friends, her family, all of humanity.
Was her mother in here? The idea made her skin crawl.
Mother...she hadn't really thought about her too much since this timeline began again. Kaworu had told her it was better if she tried to not reach out to her, as it may be too suspicious to. And it hurt too much when two versions of her existed in her mind. The brilliant and kind woman, who came home, still in her lab coat. A young Asuka would throw herself against her leg and cheer. She never understood but her mother would tell her about her work, in very vague terms a child may be able to understand.
But then...the broken woman, murmuring to a doll. She never looked at her, never acknowledged her past "the weird little girl" who was always at the window. It hurt so deeply. But today, the woman lurched and turned her head ever so slowly to face Asuka.
The face was her own.
Asuka recoiled and screamed, the vision shattering. That wasn't her mother, that wasn't herself! She was alright, she was going to succeed! She needed to succeed! She couldn't take another failure! She wasn't like Kaworu, who had done this many many times. He was strong, he knew what he was doing.
If she failed, she didn't think she could pick herself up again!
The boy appeared before her, sad with his hands clasped behind his back. He murmured, "You can't fail Asuka. You'll fail me, you'll fail everyone…"
He swayed, his head wobbling in a jerky way, not unlike a puppet. Then it simply rolled off his body, onto the ground. His body collapsed, as if its strings were cut. Asuka screamed and took off into the white expanse, away from the decapitated boy. "Mama, mama! Anyone! Help me!" she screamed into the emptiness.
Asuka woke with a start. Breathing felt sluggish, like she was breathing in sludge. It was cold, the kind of cold that permeated the bones so deeply there was no way to warm up. She curled up in the entry plug, knees to her chest and arms wrapped around them. The suit didn't help her at all as it too was nearly dead. It was little more than something covering her now.
Her eyes fluttered shut. She was so tired. She was going to die. She was going to fail.
Not in battle, not in a blaze of glory. But shivering and cold in a dead Eva.
She hadn't even saved anyone at all.
A last reserve of fire ignited. She screamed, "No!" and beat her fist against the control stick, "I don't want to die! You hear me?! I don't want to die!"
No response. She uncoiled and beat her fists against the controls, "We're going to die if you don't do anything! Please, please! Move!"
There was still no response. She slumped back. Just as fast as it had flared, the fire had died and soon she would too. Her head hit the back of her seat and she sighed.
This was it, this was the end. Her eyes closed. She mumbled into the emptiness, "Momma...please..."
"Why won't you help me…"
Before she blacked out, she could feel someone wrapping their arms around her, bathing her in warmth.
Shinji felt sick.
Worse than sick. Him and Rei stood as sentinels around the Angel and its shadow. It was their job to erode and neutralize the Angel's AT Field, so it couldn't protect itself when the jets circling above dropped their payload. In his mind, this plan was akin to him murdering Asuka himself. A very impulsive part of him wanted to say screw it to this whole plan and jump into the shadow himself, if only so he may rescue her.
Would Asuka be alright with dying if it meant the Angel was killed? He gloomily looked up at the Angel as one of the techs counted down to the mine drop. All was silent.
Then...it wasn't.
The Angel shuddered and part of it is bulged and deformed. Shinji watched with disturbed fascination as another bulge appeared beside the first one. The flesh split open, revealing a pair of gore covered hands. They gripped the sides of the Angel, which was screaming in a single shrill high note. The beast within tore its way out and reared its head in a primal roar. It was Unit Two.
"It's Asuka!" Shinji cried, stumbling back, the Eva following suit.
He could distantly hear the techs in an uproar. Ritsuko's cry stood out, "That's impossible! It has no more power!"
The Angel went a deep black as Unit Two continued to tear itself out. It was brutally efficient, tearing the hole it emerged from wider. Then it did something unexpected, something grotesque. She turned her attention to the Angel itself and began to tear into it with her jaws. She ripped flesh from it, gorging herself on divine flesh.
Ritsuko's tone turned hysterical, "What is she doing?! WHAT THE HELL IS 02 DOING?!"
In the command center, Gendo had actually jumped to his feet, "Stop it now!"
There was a flurry of movement until Maya reported, "It should be out of power so there's no power to shut off! And it's rejecting all external commands!"
Under such horrific brutality, the Angel collapsed, its weight cracking the shadow as if it was glass. Unit 02 slid out of the corpse onto the ground; a horrific parody of rebirth. It staggered to its feet, its four eyes aglow, either oblivious or uncaring to the shadow underneath it gushing blood. Throwing her head back, she howled in victorious triumph.
A great and terrible sense of familiarity came to Shinji as he watched the spectacle. It affirmed one thing to him: they were piloting monsters.
Back in the command center, Fuyutski put a hand on Gendo's shoulder, his expression grim, "If Unit 02 has consumed an S2 Engine...this isn't right."
"This isn't what we wanted to happen at all," Gendo affirmed.
He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses, watching the screen as Unit 02 slumped over, gone inactive. He murmured, "Are you awake in there...and what are you playing at, Kyoko?"
"Asuka! Asuka! Are you alright?!"
She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut against the sudden brightness. She took a shaky breath in then eased her eyes open. Instead of hazy, fetid LCL, it was clean, fresh air that rushed into her lungs. Somehow, this wasn't as surprising as Misato wrapping her arms around her, nearly squeezing her to death. "Asuka, you're alright!"
"Misato…!" she wheezed.
Misato let go immediately, looking sheepish, "You're alright..." she murmured, "With how Rits was talking...I didn't know if we were going to be able to fish you out."
"Fish me...out?"
Before Misato could explain, a contingent of paramedics had arrived, "Major Katsuragi, please vacate the area. We must take Pilot Soryu in for observation and quarantine."
"Quarantine? Misato, what's going on?"
Misato only frowned, helpless but to watch as Asuka was put onto a stretcher and carried away. She hoped whatever they were going to do with her wouldn't be too invasive and that they'd let her rest sooner rather than later. There was talk of tests to make sure she hadn't been contaminated by the Angel...or otherwise.
She cast her attention to the gore-covered and now restrained Unit 02. There had been no delay in restraining it with a set of restraints carried by crane, as if it might wake back up and destroy them all. But luckily, it seemed content to remain inactive, as if sleeping.
She turned away with a sigh. There was to be no sleep for her tonight, only even more work, all related to this incident, Angel and all. Maybe she'd be able to get a few minutes alone with Ritsuko, to get her take on things. And to perhaps clear the air between them.
Ritsuko stood in Unit 02's cage, watching as the gore was hosed off of it. Beside her was the Commander, watching the proceedings with his typical neutral expression. He told her, "After this, you must run tests on it."
"Of course."
"If Unit 02 has become autonomous...become divine…"
"I know, sir. The plan may need to be...adjusted."
Everything about the incident was unprecedented. Unit 02 wasn't supposed to be able to go berserk like this. They had believed it a flaw in the previous two units' designs and that the Production Model would have no problems holding back the beast. But as it turned out, it could not be made to heel.
She spoke aloud, "The Production Model was supposed to be stable. No such berserk incidents."
"Apparently, we were wrong," he said, "It seems the berserker state is truly a mother's desire. We may never be able to fully purge it from the design."
It was no small secret to Ritsuko what really moved the Evangelions. Within 02 was the half-soul of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. Before the Contact Experiment, she was headstrong, competitive and determined. The woman they salvaged after went mad, her perception of reality and imagination blurring until she committed suicide with a doll she thought her daughter. It would be all too easy to chalk up the berserk state to a fit of madness from the other half of Kyoko. But...it felt calculated.
She still hadn't figured how much of the Eva's actions were truly conscious actions of their...donors. Every time Unit 01 acted, it was easy to believe it was a mother acting out of protectiveness of her child. But the brutality it came with was at odds with the donor's personality.
She sighed deeply, "The Major will certainly ask questions."
"Let her ask questions," the Commander ordered, "Answer them to her satisfaction but do not tell her anything she should not know."
"In other words, lie to her."
"Yes. We don't need her poking around where she shouldn't be."
"Understood, sir."
He nodded and left as he had accompanied her there, in silence. Her eyes trailed back to the Eva, meeting its four eyes. They were dark, indicating the Unit was inactive. Even so, she couldn't shake the sense it was watching her.
When Asuka first woke up, she had felt heavy. A deep tiredness had settled in her bones, as if she had slept for thirteen hours. As it turned out, she had.
From there, she learned she was in quarantine and that seemed all anyone wanted to tell her. The only company she got was nurses in hazmat suits bringing her food and water or checking her vitals. Dr. Akagi had come once to take blood and check her vitals herself but when pressed for information blew her off. She said she was too busy so once she was out of quarantine, someone else could explain it to her.
She wanted to assume it was because the nature of what happened to her; having been drawn into the Angel. Maybe they had thought it had contaminated her in some way.
It was now they moved her into a normal hospital room, deeming her safe to be around. Here she was left alone, wondering when anyone might come visit her.
There was a knock at the door and it turned out her first visitor was Kaworu. Seeing her, he smiled in relief, "Asuka. You're alright."
"Of course, I'm alright. But no one's told me anything!" she cried, crossing her arms.
He turned around and waved someone in. It was Shinji and seeing her, he smiled wide, "Asuka, you're alright!"
"It's what I told Prettyboy here. How about you two tell me what the hell happened?"
The pair shared a grimace, communicating something between them but unknown to her. They sat down, pulling their chairs around her bed, and told her the whole horrific tale.
"Unit 02...she ate it?!"
Shinji nodded, "It was really freaky."
"Why would she…"
Asuka searched her memories, landing on fuzzy memories of what happened after the juggernaut Angel Zeruel. Unit 01 had gone berserk, defeated the Angel then ate it. She vaguely remembered some terrible commotion after of it transcending its limits and becoming a god. At the time, she had been stranded in her severely disabled Eva so she had learned all this secondhand. "That's all that happened?" she pressed.
Shinji nodded, "Yep. Right after, she turned off and she's been quiet since."
A sense of relief rushed through Asuka. After that debacle, she also distinctly remembered Unit 01 had taken Shinji and it had taken an entire month for her to surrender him again. Perhaps her mother had understood she couldn't do something so rashly. Perhaps, it was her own memories who informed her actions...
She had assumed her mother was inactive inside the machine but now had to wonder if that was the case at all.
She decided to change the topic, "If you two are here, where's Rei?"
"She was waiting with us but she had to go get a drink. I'm sure she'll be back soon."
It didn't take long for the other girl to return and, seeing the boys gone from the hallway outside, let herself in. She stood just inside the entryway, "You're alright, Asuka."
"You make it three-for-three," she smiled and waved her over, gesturing her to sit in the only free place left: the foot of the bed. Rei lingered for a moment then complied. She commented, "When the nurse returns, she will be upset. There is only supposed to be two visitors."
"Well, I want all three of you in here so she can shove it."
Rei frowned at her crass language but didn't protest. Kaworu asked, "So...you really are well?"
"I'll be honest, I'm still exhausted. But I really want to eat before I sleep any more."
"What...was it like? Did anything happen?" Shinji couldn't help asking.
Asuka frowned. A lot did happen but the significance of all of it would be lost on most of the people here. And as much as she thought Rei was becoming a person of her own, she didn't know how much of what she said might make it back to the higher up. "A lot of weird things but I think the isolation did that," she answered vaguely.
"Ah," Shinji nodded, but didn't seem satisfied, "I was wondering why Unit 02 did what it did."
She could tell by Kaworu's expression he was deeply curious of the whole story but knew better than to ask here.
Asuka shrugged, truly clueless this time, "I had a bit of a fit trying to get it to move then passed out."
To her surprise, it was Rei who responded, "You wished for the Eva to save you so that's what it did."
The idea that her mother had been stirred from slumber just to save her warmed her heart and soul. Asuka looked away, suddenly very emotional and had to blink back tears. She swallowed thickly and asked, "So why...why do you think it ate the Angel?"
"I have no idea," Rei said truthfully.
"Truly an enigma," Kaworu said, "One can only be glad we have them on our side, no?"
"Yeah, that's right. Anyway, let's talk about something happier?" Asuka asked.
"How much longer are they going to have you in here?" Kaworu asked in turn.
She shrugged, "That's a good question, actually."
"I believe you are set to remain the night and be released from care tomorrow morning," Rei answered, almost automatically.
Asuka felt her face warm up again, "Thank you...um, when did you find that out?"
"When they moved you into the general care unit. So two hours ago."
Asuka looked away, so she wouldn't see the blush on her face, "Don't tell me you've been waiting here all that time…"
Kaworu and Shinji exchanged a glance then Kaworu looked back at Asuka, a bright smile on his face, "She was here first actually!"
It was the truth. Once Asuka had been moved from her Eva, Rei found herself drawn to the hospital, even when she wasn't allowed to visit. She only stopped to change into her clothes then nearly bee-lined there to wait. She barely left then, only to take the necessary breaks. She barely slept as well. She yawned, blinking slightly in surprise. Meanwhile, Asuka still refused to look from the ground, "Oh...wow. But surely you've gotten tired?"
"That's correct. I still waited."
Kaworu chuckled, "Perhaps it's time to get home, if only for Rei's sake."
"I am fine."
"You guys can go home," Asuka waved them off, "Once someone gets me some food, I'm getting some rest myself."
Rei paused then nodded, "Then alright," she stood, "Good night, Asuka."
They all said their goodbyes and left for the night. Asuka smiled as they left, that is until she was alone again. Then she fell back onto her pillow with a long sigh.
Even though she had slept for so long, she was still so exhausted. Her mind tracked back to the visions she had saw. The one with the other her was surely the Angel attempting to communicate. Why would it care though about how she saw herself? Wouldn't it want her to slip up? Perhaps, the Angels wanted a fair fight though that didn't seem too likely to her.
Maybe something of herself had bled into the Angel...or was she really talking to some other version of herself?
What were the others then? More visions from the Angel or nervous visions from herself? She couldn't tell which was a scarier prospect.
She had to wonder if she'd ever get an answer to any of these questions.
Misato had intended to use this break in her work to track down Ritsuko but that was proving an impossible task. She was probably locked up somewhere, chained to the immense amount of work she had been given.
She wanted to talk to her. Firstly, to apologize. She had said some terrible things and shouldn't have slapped her. Even if she still stood by the fact she thought it cruel to throw Asuka's life away, it turned out Ritsuko had tried all she could to maximize getting Asuka back alive. Luckily, Unit 02 had made the plan null and void. Secondly, she had lots of questions that she figured only Ritsuko could answer. She had her doubts whether she would or not but she might as well try.
She was getting sick of being left in the dark.
At the very least, she had finally gotten news that Asuka was let out of quarantine with no contamination detected. She still had to stay in the hospital for the night to recuperate but at least this way people could visit her. Her friends could see she was alright and explain to her what happened.
If she didn't have another lead she was following, she would visit herself. She was sure Asuka would understand her work got in the way—even if that wasn't entirely the truth.
The underbelly of NERV was a quiet, eerie place. The ventilation made it sound like the whole facility was alive and breathing. The only thing lighting this particular corridor was a strip of orange lights that left the area in a murky orange gloom. Kaji idly rubbed his thumb over the pass card he had swiped off Ritsuko's desk, just a few days ago. With Ritsuko and the Commander consumed with figuring out Unit 02, that afforded him lesser scrutiny to go snooping.
He paused before the great door leading into the lowest level of the Geofront. A screen beside the card reader identified it as the LCL Production Plant. Innocuous enough label. LCL had to come from somewhere after all.
Something cold and metallic was pressed into the back of his head. He held his hands up and smiled innocently, "You're feeling better than when I last saw you."
"Yeah, I'm finally sober now," came Misato's voice from behind him, low and annoyed.
"Glad to hear it. I see you followed me."
"I saw you a few floors up. Be grateful it was me and not someone else."
"You wouldn't have followed me if you didn't want something from me," he countered.
She scowled and pressed the gun harder into his skull. She hissed, "So is this your day job or your side job?"
"I do wonder which..." he mused, mostly to himself.
She wasn't amused, "After I sobered up, I did some poking around. Ryoji Kaji of Special Duty Organization NERV's Special Inspection Department. About the only one in it too. But also Ryoji Kaji of the Investigation Department of the Japanese Ministry of Home Affairs."
"So you know all about it."
"I put the pieces together. I wouldn't underestimate NERV if I were you."
"Is that an order from Ikari?"
"I say that of my own discretion. It's like I said: your work is going to kill you."
"Yet you still followed me. The Commander is using me so I have insurance in that way," he paused, "However, I will apologize for keeping it from you."
"I'll call it even for getting me home. So what happens when you outlive your usefulness?"
"I'm sure I'll figure it out when it comes to that. But Misa...you have no clue just how in the dark they're all keeping you."
Her hand wavered, "Why do you say that?"
"This is why," he swiped the card and with a soft click, it was accepted.
She lowered her gun warily, watching as the doors as they opened with a low metal groan. Beyond was a lake of LCL, so the designation "LCL Production Plant" was not a lie. Beyond that, however…
Misato couldn't help but shake, a primal terror had taken a hold of her. She was young again, bobbing in the dead sea of the Antarctic as something alien wailed on the horizon. "This is...no, not Eva..." she stumbled over her words.
The thing lay against its cross, hands nailed up and a brilliant red spear drove into its chest. She could see in her mind's eye a creature of light above a turbulent ocean. "It can't be..." she breathed.
"I know what you're thinking. Despite what it looks like, it's not Adam, the First Angel," Kaji delivered matter-of-factly, "This is Lilith, the Second Angel."
"The Second…? What? Why? Why is it here?"
He shrugged, "Haven't gotten there quite yet. But one must assume it has some value to the powers that be."
She took a single wavering step and craned her head to look at it. "It's just been under here...this whole time. This must be what the Angels are after. But why don't we destroy it?"
"Like I said, I haven't gotten there quite yet," he pulled her back into the safety of the corridor and swiped the card again, closing the doors.
"I'm sorry to have roped you into this. But you have to understand why I can't just quit my work," he told her.
She turned on him, "I get it. But I was right! This is the kind of thing that will get you killed! Can you at least tell me why?"
He gestured for her to follow him, back up the hallway. As they left to where they should be, he sighed, "I have to know the truth. The truth of why Second Impact happened and everything with it. I just hadn't expected it all to be tied into each other. It's a rabbit hole that just keeps getting deeper."
"What if the truth gets you killed?" Misato asked.
He closed his eyes and sighed, "I'm not planning on it but it would be a worthwhile death if it came to that."
When he opened his eyes, he found Misato looking at him with a stricken expression, "What could make it so worthwhile?! Why don't you live?"
"Katsuragi…," he began then stopped, "I don't know if I can explain it. But I can tell you feel the same desire: to know the truth."
She frowned but nodded, "Everyone is keeping me in the dark...Ritsuko, the Commander, everyone!"
"Because you still have some moral fiber," Kaji explained, "The Commander trusts you enough to kill the Angels but not much past that. That keeps you safe in a way."
"So should I shut my mouth and play along?"
"I think what you do from now on is your choice, Katsuragi."
They walked back to the elevator and rode it to a higher level of the base, one that they both should be at. The elevator dinged and Kaji turned to her, "I would rather you stay safe but whatever you choose, you know to find me."
She nodded and stepped off with him, watching him walk down the hall. She grimaced at the implications of everything she learned. Like the NERV base itself, NERV carried a deep underbelly of secrets, one that would be hazardous to navigate.
Now the question was would she follow her beloved into the unknown.
Author's Note:
And now we are back with a greatly extended chapter 14! I shouldn't have to point out the big change in this chapter but it was something I added after I realized I had given myself a big ol' plot hole later on with Unit 02. It has been something to work around. You might have also noticed the extended final scene with Kaji and Misato, extended because I love their dynamic and in the original, I had just about forgotten about Misato's quest for the truth. The change of Kaji knowing its Lilith rather than Adam was largely for my own convenience and I think it's not completely out of the question he could have found this out or even just guessed it. See you next week with all new content!