JUNJOU TERRORIST

XV

LEAVE

Miyagi stopped typing and looked up from his computer, the day was rather sunny, spring was over and summer it seemed, had chosen to rage from the very beginning, he might even need to turn on the A/C sooner than expected. But the weather, the sun or the sky had non of Miyagi's attention, not really, his full attention had been consumed for days by a certain feline that was still recovering from a stomach virus.

"What are you looking at old man?" the youngster yowled, lip sticking out in a pout that Miyagi was NOT going to call "cute". "Have you checked the portal yet? Professor Musubi said all the instructions for the week's homework is in the…" Shinobu's tail cracked like a whip against the sofa, his pout deepening. "the platform, yes, I know, you said that, like a thousand times, I'm not a child and I AM responsible".

"I know" Miyagi held his breath to avoid sighing, he knew it wouldn't help. Nowaki had warned him that the kitten would feel claustrophobic and tense, having to rest for a whole week without much exercise or distraction in the outside world. "Mood swings" was the phrase the giant doctor used and he fully understood the words now, he wouldn't say the cat was exaggerating constantly, but he did find that some comments or actions tended to irritate the cat more than usual. Miyagi thought it was obvious how the kitten felt; some humiliation and frustration for needing assistance, specially from Miyagi, since he wanted to prove his "worth" to the old professor, his boyfriend, apart from the stress of missing classes, having to speed homework, submit tests outside of scheduled dates, among many other problems being sick caused. "He should enjoy getting pampered" Miyagi almost grumbled it out loud, because he really wanted the kitten to stop self-deprecating himself just because of a stomach bug. But the cat had, curiously, a strong bravado surrounding a fragile self-esteem.

Nowaki, or Doctor Nowaki, (Miyagi didn't know if the giant dog...was he a dog?, had finished the medical degree), had explained all the symptoms the cat was having and might get in the process of healing, like dehydration, fever, cramping and "cabin fever" as he also called it. Many were, unfortunately, spot on, and just like the stress and frustration over being locked down and depending on help, he also remained weak for days and kept vomiting from time to time. Thankfully the medication and overall treatment worked its way into his system and the whole thing was almost completely gone, prove of that, and another thing Nowaki had mentioned, the cat was back again at his usual antics, constantly moving, jumping from furniture to furniture and no longer meek or obedient. He wasn't going to say out-loud how comfortable he had felt to take care of the kitten while he was ill, Shinobu would let himself be cleaned, he would blush and say thank you so softly, it had been an interesting experience, and he had somewhat enjoyed it… the moment he knew for sure the illness was not serious and it would be relatively easy to manage.

But those things were the only things he kind of liked of the whole situation. Seeing the limp form of the bright youngster, hearing him puke his stomach out, body shaking, shivering and breaking a cold sweat, it had pulled on his heart, and dread, like an old friend had embraced him so tight he could barely breath. Even when he knew the kitten would not die he could not help remembering how sensei had passed, and how easily his troublesome kitten could be ripped away from him.

One day the old professor had been so anxious and concerned he had forced the cat into his car and driven them to Nowaki's hospital, he had have half a mind to take him to another hospital, but the kitten had asked, almost crying to use Nowaki's. He knew, as the giant doctor had mentioned that first day, that Shinobu just because of his status as a pet, could not trust humans fully, but he also knew the kitten had been traumatized, possibly more than once throughout his life and many things triggered the damned memories; looking at the kitten's reaction at the hospital, the staff and devices, he could tell they were big triggers. It took a second for Nowa… Doctor Nowaki to look at Shinobu and decide to move them to another area, the room was definitely unused, it didn't smell musty, it was fairly clean and aired, but there was no sterilized smell, and he imagined, it didn't smell of other humans or pets. There was also no noise from the main building or machines.

Doctor Nowaki worked fast, pointing out everything he did and why he did it, counting each time for Shinobu to look away, hold his breath, focus on "his master"… yeah, that memory in particular didn't sit well with the old professor. Miyagi had thought at that time that he might need to tell the good doctor he wasn't Shinobu's master or owner, but telling him they were boyfriends was still weird so he had ended up saying nothing.

Looking at the brooding cat now, pushing a big crystal jar to the corner of their table, he couldn't imagine or compare him to that cat, in the hospital room, fighting his desire to run away. He had never thought much about all that the cat had suffered, he was allowing the cat to grow and learn at his own pace, and work on the things that affected him on his own terms. But maybe, it would be better to address those issues, and most certainly get a professional involved for that, but, that was something he would breech when the kitten was back at school, fully "free" to roam around.

"Shinobu-chin that vase is not cheap" Miyagi didn't have to look at the cat to know he had his attention, instead he focused on the reference material in front of him, while said cat, he could feel, looked daggers at him, but he heard the jar being dragged back to the middle of table. "I know you're bored, why don't you work on your homew.."

"Miyagi" the cat called exasperated, Miyagi turned to look but Shinobu seemed to regret his whining, looking around, down to his foot and then furrowing his brows. Miyagi decided to push his materials aside and focus on the cat "I think, Nowaki says that I'm already clear, I could… I want to go back to college"

"He hasn't said that to me"

"you could call him and ask, I swear I'm okay now, and you can go back to work at the office"

Miyagi smiled, and sighed, "you don't have to worry about that, I'm okay working from home"

"but it's no longer necessary! I'm fine" Shinobu moved back to the living room and stood in front of the professor, "I'm no longer vomiting, I have finished the antibiotics, no more nausea or dizziness and the last blood test came out good, even Nowaki said that I had improved a lot, I want to go back to college!" the cat ended in a mewl whine, Miyagi could tell the kitten had tried hard to control his tone, most probably to show himself cool and collected, mature.

"well, you're old enough to know yourself" he pulled at a cigarette from his package on the table, "let me talk to him to know how's the best way to proceed" he lit the "cancer stick" as Shinobu called them, and sucked the nicotine with greed. He knew because of the research that the chemicals only gave an emotional response of "calmness", while increasing the heart rate and causing a myriad of issues leading to the opposite of calmness. But he couldn't live without them, or at least he thought that for now.

Miyagi turned around to look at his materials and the conversation was over.

The next day he was half relieved and half annoyed when the dog, doctor Nowaki assured him Shinobu was "fit as a fiddle". He did suggest he went back to classes progressively and kept his diet, avoiding fatty and spicy food for a bit longer, but overall he should be good to go. So he told the youngster so, and both went back to college, and he had been expecting things to go back to "normal" but it seemed life had different plans for him.

"Professor Miyagi, I know I sent you an email about it, but I want to express my remorse once again over not only giving your personal information to my… boyfriend, but also, from allowing him to impose himself over you and your pet." Kamijou had bowed before starting his apology and the more he spoke the deeper the bow became, "I'm appalled by his behavior and I assure you it won't happen again" Miyagi looked at his assistant in shock, almost letting his burning cigarette fall from his lips, he grabbed it just in time. "No, no, Kamijou, I told you, it's fine"

"What he did was misguided but I went over my boundaries, I…"

"Kamijou!" Miyagi's young assistant looked at him surprised, lifting his head a few from the low bow he had ended in, "I'm not going to say I'm happy of what happened, but in the end you did the right thing. You didn't know when I would be going back to the office, I had left my phone here and my… cat was seriously ill, he did grow a bad bump on his forehead and it might have worsened if your boyfriend had not acted swiftly" Kamijou lifted his face more and his body followed, acquiring that regal posture he often kept without even noticing. Miyagi dragged some nicotine from his cigarette but regretted it immediately when he tasted bile, remembering Nowaki at his home, how his huge frame seemed to turn on itself to try and look smaller, if that was even possible. "there's so much we don't know about their situation, first of all, they're not human, no matter how much they look like us they will never be like us. We can treat them as nicely, respectfully and justly as we can but society has not only forced an education on them, it is constantly confirming their doubts and resentment against us, humans."

Miyagi moved towards his desk, finally dropping his briefcase beside the CPU on the floor, Kamijou on his part didn't move an inch, looking at the floor with a troubled expression, unlike Miyagi the young assistant had not had much experience with pets, he knew for what the man had said in many occasions, that his parents never believed in pet subjugation, so they never adopted one, and he never felt the desire or inclination to search for one, much less own one. Even the connection he kept with his pet students was dominated by society's normative and the university's regulations. He basically knew nothing about pets. How had he acquired such an exotic pet was a story he would definitely adore to listen, but not today, not when the first-time-owner was dwelling deeper and deeper in the reality of his boyfriend's life.

"I know Shinobu fears I'll up and leave at any given moment" Miyagi tapped his cigarette on his ashtray, avoiding Kamijou's worsening expression, "he constantly compares himself with other pets who work as pets, me not using him as a pet actually creates more anxiety, although I wont change that, I do understand the unique position we are in. Nowaki must bring some calmness to all this, I know from you that he is gentle, kind and respectful. I'm not gonna lie, I was angry, but I was mostly afraid... I love Shinobu, but for the same reason I have to accept my limitations as a human, I will never understand that side of him like Nowaki-kun does" Leaving his cigarette down he moved towards Kamijou and placed his hand on top of his shoulder, not lightly, but just strong enough to act as a reassuring move, he was after all older than him, enough to be an authority figure he could trust and find guidance in. "Don't be too hard on Nowaki, he is doing his best with what he's got, and he put Shinobu's well-being above his own peace of mind, one could say, he even risked his own physical well-being, since and I know you don't know this, some district's laws punish severely pets who meddle with other people's pets without the express permission of their owners, even when it's to care or save the pet's life."

Hiroki's eyes opened wide, his brows drawing up and almost touching his hairline, "they would…" certainly he was imaging his gentle dog in the hands of the law, "you wouldn't"

"Kamijou, he is a pet, he wouldn't have trusted me to not use the law against him" Miyagi pressed the pad of his fingers against Kamijou's shoulder, to emphasize his words, "Be patient with him, don't rash to judge him, listen to him"

Throughout the day Miyagi thought of his own words and promised himself to be more self-conscious of his actions, and to help the kitten into therapy. If he wanted their relationship to last, and to be healthy they both needed to understand each other, and to communicate better. Miyagi needed to know what affected the young cat, including his past.

- 0 -

Shinobu kept part of his word. He went to his first class, spoke with the professor and made sure he ate on time and drank two full bottles of water. But he also left the university in the complete opposite direction of their apartment, to the park where some months ago he had met Nowaki, to meet the wolf again.

"Shinobu, I was wondering if you could make it" Nowaki said as a greeting, standing up from the bench he had been sitting on. As always his expression had a mixture of guilt and kindness. "We don't have much time, I have an early shift today"

"It's fine, I don't think we need more than 5 minutes" he grumbled, barely able to sit down, he was jumpy and anxious, full with energy, but the electrical kind that had nowhere to go, and could only hurt when coming out. "Where are the papers?"

Nowaki pulled his canvas bag, and took out from it a folder with many printed pages, they hadn't been able to discuss the tests results but Shinobu had no doubt whatever he had had was not a stomach infection or virus. He looked at the wolf's eyes and could tell the doctor was in high distress, whatever news he had were probably worse than he had thought. "spill it out Nowaki, no use delaying"

The wolf extended his arm and Shinobu grabbed the folder with his left hand, using the right to open and expose the first pages. "I'm sorry Shinobu" said the wolf, as if anything was his fault, really, "you were not just a clicker" Shinobu's eyes went down the list of results, moving from one number to the other, comparing his own results to the markers, "you were part of it all…" Nowaki's voice cracked, lowering down almost to a whisper, disappearing completely when Shinobu reached a line he had dreaded to even think about, and how the "positive" on the right column changed everything. "I'm sorry, you're pregnant"

Nowaki didn't arrive at work on time, it took almost two hours for Shinobu to calm down and stop lashing out. "It can't be, it can't be, remove it! TAKE IT OUT!" his voice had fluctuated, from whispers to shouts, from raging to crying. "I can't allow this, I won't let this happen!" Shinobu had no strength to support himself but he let all his fear and wrath come forth, "They are not the owners of my body! I won't let them take away my happiness!"

Nowaki, blessed be his heart and patience, waited and allowed the cat to expel his thoughts one after the other, guiding him through them so he wouldn't feel overpowered by them, so he wouldn't run as he felt like doing so many times during those almost 2 agonizing hours. Unfortunately none of his demands or threats worked. "Shinobu, I'm sorry" maybe it was the only thing Nowaki knew to say, but Shinobu let the wolf say his piece, "I can't do that, I don't have access to the equipment, and even if I could steal them, I don't know the physical implications, I'm yet to understand their experiments and while I have been finding some information that they might have used I don't know anything for sure…" something, Shinobu couldn't understand, but could definitely recognize was laced with fear, passed through Nowaki's eyes, and the wolf took Shinobu's hands in his, "you have to help me too so I can help you"

"I can't… I can't leave him I…"

"You HAVE to tell him" Nowaki pressed and Shinobu ripped his hands away from the wolf's. "I won't do it, he doesn't have to bare all this, he doesn't have to know, not EVER!"

"Shinobu" the wolf tried again, his voice raising, "he HAS to know, is his decision as well, it's his baby…"

Shinobu felt the air escaping his lungs, blood rushing loudly through his ears, his voice chocked out of existence on his throat. His baby, his child, Miyagi's child… how could something like that be so unnatural and dangerous? How could his name be said between words born out of death and torture? "I'm sorry, I can't" Shinobu finally squeezed out of his throat, his hands going to press on his chest, as if trying to help the words out, "I don't want him to know, he will never know"

Standing from the bench Shinobu cleaned his face as best as he could and returned the file, now crumbled beyond repair "Don't tell him, he must not know… when the time comes, I'll leave"

"Shinobu…" this time he didn't wait for Nowaki to say whatever he was going to, he could not think anymore, he knew the more he considered the situation the more dire it would become till the point he would do something dangerous, outrageous or plain stupid. He had to be smart, he had to control himself so he could plan his "escape".

- 0 -

True to his character Nowaki didn't say anything. At first Shinobu feared the wolf would put whatever he judged "better" first, and spill it all, but he never called to talk with Miyagi, and the old professor never came home angry, insulted or disgusted with the knowledge of Shinobu's abnormality. And Shinobu thought that as the days passed he would forget of his situation and only return to worry when things became more obvious, but his mind allowed him no such kindness, the dread accompanied him to all places, with all of his reactions. Was this just a treat or a craving? Had he moved too fast or was this morning sickness? Is Miyagi looking at me strange? Does he know? Can he tell? Will he leave me? Without the peaceful gift ignorance bestowed he had nothing else to do than plan and prepare. He hated himself for it, but started stealing money from Miyagi, as much as he could, he also started asking money to the Dean, for treats, for rides home, for random things the Dean would never know Shinobu never bought.

Shinobu checked maps. Using as much as his memory let him, he marked areas where the lab could be as to avoid them, the best option being going to the wilderness deep in the north. It would take him months, specially because he had to travel avoiding raiders, police and pet collectors, people he knew from experience supplied the lab with their test subjects. Shinobu also marked a few shelters that were known for not asking questions, or collars and ids, he also made a list of all the items he could need, making sure to test out the limits of his resistance, as to know how much weight he could carry. Through it all he kept his notes hidden from the old professor, some things, like the new big backpack and the huge water bottle had caused some raised eyebrows, but Miyagi said nothing, demanded nothing. Shinobu could say that everything was going swimmingly, maybe too much. Nowaki tried to convince him to talk, for some reason he mentioned his own human and how he decided to speak with his owner too. But he didn't care, or he tried hard not to. There was a box that had kept all the things Risako-neechan had left behind, he hoped she wouldn't mind, or at least he took seven seconds to hope for it, before dumping all the items on the trash, replacing them with the items ready for his escape. He would be ready soon, and it was better like that, since neither Nowaki nor him knew how fast the fetus would develop and how much it would require of his body.

The fetus, he rarely thought of the creature itself, but the consequences, the reasons why it had happened, the future he would never have, all of it plagued his days and nights. No, the fetus was an aeriform that he barely registered and it was on purpose, because the few times he had stopped himself to think about it the rage had boiled and he had been seconds from puncturing his abdomen, desperate to be rid of it. Well, if he thought truly about it, since he was already leaving the only home he had ever known, it wouldn't be much of a difference, but alas, he couldn't hurt himself that way, because he didn't want Miyagi to suffer with that, if he suffered… would he? Would he miss him?

Shinobu looked in front of him at the cutting board, the rows of carrots, celery, broccoli and onions waiting to be put on the sizzling oil. Since the stomach virus Miyagi had stressed over them eating better, healthier, and while at the beginning he hadn't mind the professor buying all the food, the moment he had returned to college he had demanded the professor let him go back to cook for them both. Was it a coincidence or just plain irony? That the moment he had decided to plan his leave he had been able to improve so much in his cooking, no more burned meals, no more overtly cooked, overly spiced, salty or bland meals. Shinobu could say he was becoming a very adept pet. Finally. When all was for nothing.

Shinobu stirred the pot and waited, fighting the tears that felt so close to the surface every day, he lowered the fire and took a bit of broth, placing it on a small bowl to taste it. It was so good. It might even be the best broth he had ever made, and it was the worst thing too. He turned off the fire and bent down, one hand almost crushing the wooden spoon, the other pressing hard on the marbled table, to the point his knuckles and the tip of his fingers were turning white.

"Who am I cooking for? For whom am I learning?" finally his broken heart won and he let the tears cascade from his eyes, framing his face, running through his neck and some falling to the floor between his feet. "Miyagi won't eat my food, I won't see his face, I won't hear him say how tasty it is… I will never be able…" Shinobu tried biting the inside of his mouth, to shut himself up, but the pain was too much, forcing him to open it and wail. Hard. Loud. And for a long time. Crouching over himself Shinobu felt his stomach, no longer soft, instead a tad hard, almost bulging.

"My time is so limited, for whom was I learning if it's not him? Is all your fault!" he cried looking at his covered abdomen, "if you had never, if you just didn't exist" Shinobu tightened both hands into fists, the wooden spoon finally breaking under duress. "You should have never exis…" Shinobu's words stopped, stolen by a sensation like a pulse, soft and fluttery. Letting his body fall to the floor, his burning cheek cooling against the tiles, he let himself cry harder, but this time not only for himself. "I wanted to know him more, I wanted to feel his embrace more, I wanted more… but you won't even have that, you won't know his face, you won't know how he is, you won't even feel his arms nor his love, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW YOUR FATHER" the pulse seemed to follow Shinobu's heart as if it was crying with him, "forgive me, forgive me" He begged, cradling his abdomen, "forgive me"

- 0 -

Miyagi knew something was wrong. He knew something had been wrong for quite some time but he didn't know neither what, nor how to broach the subject, he did try in many occasions, to recommend a therapist, a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and when it all was rejected he even ventured on trying to demand it, but he quickly shut that down, enough had been forced upon the cat, even if it was for his own good, it wouldn't work if the cat felt no autonomy.

But he noticed the cat becoming jumpy, sometimes he would be writing things down on a notebook and would close it quickly, almost desperately when the professor entered the room, and there were no classic blushing cheeks or petulant frown. There was also Risako's box at the far corner of his closet, that had kept a few items only, but was now almost bursting with things he had not placed there.

And there were their nights, strangely beautiful yet terrifying. Because while the cat denied any "new reaction" or anything "out of the ordinary", he had become more mellow, vocal and he could even say, needy. Their love making was constant, never short, even when the cat was tired, even if Miyagi complained he had early work the next morning; full of passion and professions of love, over and over and over again. The cat would always cry in some way or another, and while Shinobu's teary eyes were beautiful, and loving to the point of crying was something poetically divine, he knew those were beyond just fulfillment. Thou the cat never allowed him to talk about the topic, the nightmares that accompanied each night caved in Miyagi's resolution to not force the issue.

Now, the nightmares didn't appear with the stomach virus, nor immediately after the cat returned to the University, instead, they started one day he curiously found the best stew Shinobu had ever cooked, and said kitten already fast asleep in Miyagi's side of the bed. Miyagi had asked, even after the cat had assured him he was just tired, he had kept on asking for him to tell him what was wrong, there was no way the pompous brat wouldn't have bragged about the stew, wouldn't have demanded him to spell out how great and delicious it was, more over, the puffy red nose and eyes could easily highlight the fact that the kitten had been crying for probably, a long period of time.

And the nightmares had started.

At first the kitten would just mumble in his sleep, maybe twist and turn, nothing more, but with each day the terrors came they brought frightening reactions, ranging from waking up gasping to trashing and crying out loud. Whatever tormented the youngster was vicious, it would make the cat sweat cold, shivering, vomiting; and even when he woke up the nightmare would still be there, vanishing slowly, painfully slowly.

That night it was the middle of summer, the window was fully open and the moon was bright on the sky, allowing Miyagi to observe in detail his surroundings and his sleeping partner beside him. He was unable to sleep for some reason, probably waiting for the nightly routine of getting up at the sound of Shinobu's moaning, trying to wake him up as softly as possible, keeping distance to avoid the cat's claws, moving closer to calm the frightened pet… Enough is enough, Miyagi's brows furrowed hard looking at the cat, far from sleeping peacefully, because even when he was not having a nightmare he seemed to not dream or rest, he was clutching the bedsheets in his fist.

Miyagi was about to close his eyes, to try and fall asleep when suddenly the cat woke, looked around, jumped from the bed and tried to escape through the window, all in one go, while screaming. There were no thoughts, Miyagi's body moved on its own volition, grabbing hold of a hand, then the elbow and pulling towards him, their bodies colliding.

They struggled for what seemed hours, the cat kicking his feet in the air, fists connecting with Miyagi's elbows, chin, cheek, whatever part the kitten found accessible. Seeing no other way the professor carried the screaming kitten to their bed and let both of them fall, him on top of the cat. More trashing ensued, Miyagi allowed the cat to move enough to turn around and face the professor, then he took both of the kitten's wrists and placed them at the side of Shinobu's head while he placed the crook of his own neck near Shinobu's mouth and nose. He knew the movement was dangerous, but he couldn't care less at the moment, he just saw no other way.

As predicted the cat bite, breaking skin and pulling to rip it, Miyagi held his voice for a second, but immediately thought against it and let a gasp and a pained moan escape, and immediately the cat froze, Miyagi heard his breathing change, from quick and short to slow and deep, to back again quick and short. "He knows" Miyagi let go of Shinobu's wrists and embraced the kitten, caressing his hair as softly as he could, "It's okay, it's me, I'm here, I won't let anything hurt you" he repeated over and over again, the cat opened his mouth and licked the wound, Miyagi's already tattered heart squeezed when a tiny mewl reached his ears, it was filled with so much agony and guilt.

"Shinobu, don't cry, you're okay, it's fine, it doesn't hurt anymore" unfortunately Miyagi's words only caused the kitten to cry harder, pressing his face against the professors chest. So he let the kitten unload all of it, relaxing his body, never stopping moving his hands, caressing the kitten's hair. After an hour or so there were only hiccups and a congested nose, but Miyagi breathed deep, knowing full well what was about to happen would not let the kitten rest.

"Shinobu" he called, failing to keep the bark from his tone, the cat flinched, but never raised his head. "don't you dare tell me it's nothing"

"Miyagi don't…"

"You WILL go to a doctor, whether you want to or not"

"but"

"look in a mirror!" Miyagi was unable to hold his own desperation, taking Shinobu's face in his right hand, touching the dark marks on the youngster's eyes, "this is not right, you need help!" Miyagi looked at him, the skin sickeningly pale, the cat's eyes lacking their usual shine and depthness, "it hurts me to see you this way, what's happening in your dreams? Please tell me!"

"I can't, I can't" Shinobu shook himself away from Miyagi's hands

"tell me"

"Miyagi I'm sorry, I can't be with you" Shinobu pushed hard against the professor, stunned he let him move and the kitten stood from the bed, putting some distance between them, "I'm leaving you" Shinobu whispered, in response Miyagi's whole body froze, "I can't take this anymore, I'm tired of this situation, of being with you… being with you is only painful" Shinobu's face hardened, his shoulder rose with tension, when he spoke again his lips twisted in an ugly sneer, "I feel disgusted when I'm with you, I can no longer fake this…"

"then LEAVE" Miyagi's voice was cold, calculative, Shinobu was not ready for it, giving one step back, "I…"

"but before you leave you will tell me why, you will explain and tell me EVERYTHING, only then I will let you go"

"Miyagi…" Shinobu's uselessly fake disgust deflated instantly, leaving his body empty and raw, he almost crumbled on himself but Miyagi reached for him in time to held him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can not leave you, I don't want to go!" Shinobu's cries were muffled against Miyagi's broad shoulder, but they were clear enough, the old professor cradled the cat and patted his back lightly, rubbing circles against it.

"Tell me" he demanded but the cat shook his head and cried louder, "Tell me!"

"I can't I can't, you'll leave me, I don't want you to leave me!"

"I won't"

"you WILL!" Miyagi felt Shinobu's claws piercing his clothes and skin, but he breathed in and avoided making any noise about it, "it's too much, not even I can.. without you…"

"please, I will listen, if you're already leaving what do you have to loose?"

Finally, Miyagi guided the youngster back to the bed and with care placed him on Miyagi's side, making sure to cover his body in his side of the covers, remembering how his own smell helped calm down the cat before, and just as he thought Shinobu burrowed his nose against the fabric and breathed in deeply. He then moved to the other side, climbing on the bed, and cuddling, close enough so his whole body touched Shinobu's, but distant enough so he could still see his face clearly. "Trust me, please, I have never betrayed you, I won't start now"

For what seemed hours the cat hiccuped and trembled, the signs of his terror lessening with each deep breath he took. "You were not my first" Shinobu's voice cracked with his words, Miyagi dared not to move, keeping his face neutral as to not provoke another crisis on the kitten. "they attacked our woods, took me, separated me from my parents, never saw them again" Shinobu closed his eyes and trembled, was he remembering them? His parents? His attackers? "They kept us in cages, sometimes I saw others, they separated us depending on our breeds.. I wasn't a good one, so they used me for all kind of experiments, I don't know how I survived… they… they had to be entertained… there was no other…" Shinobu's voice disappeared and he gagged, his body violently rejecting the memory.

Shinobu breathed in, shaking his head and pushing Miyagi's hands when the professor tried to pull him in, "I was a kid… I grew up… the other breeds were really expensive, so I… I…" Shinobu touched his mouth with the tip of his fingers, tears running down his face, "the experiments, that night, they were laughing, someone screamed, they were angry, they never said…" Miyagi pressed his lips tight together to avoid asking questions, Shinobu's disjointed memories appeared to have reason within their chaos. "disgusting… it was so disgusting" Shinobu breathed out and this time he did vomit.

- 0 -

"I'm sorry" Shinobu mewl weakly, while Miyagi cleaned the kitten's face with a wet towel, the mess on the floor had already been moped, and the soiled bed cover had been moved to the washroom. Miyagi was about to ask what he was sorry about when Shinobu sniffed and continued, "I'm sorry you touched me… even thou you were not my first, never… I…" Miyagi bit the inside of his lip, closed his eyes tight and held his breath to avoid crying, or screaming, which one he didn't know, outrage and fury boiled so close they were almost at the surface, "Shinobu" he called, with as much love and pain as he could muster within each letter, taking the kitten's paw in his hands, softly caressing it, "forgive me, I can't go back in time, forgive me cause I couldn't save you, I haven't been able to do anything for you…" it was Miyagi's voice's turn to crack, "I'm sorry"

"I wanted you to be, I wanted to be with you, I never wanted to remember" Shinobu shook his head vigorously, his hand grabbing Miyagi's wrist, in response Miyagi held Shinobu tight and allowed himself to cry, his body shuddering hard with the exertion, making the kitten cry even louder, clawing at Miyagi's arm, probably fearing the imminent separation.

When they both finally calmed down the sun was raising in the sky, the last threads of night clearing away like cloudy spots of ink severed by water. Miyagi thought of many things, putting the bed covers to wash, bringing more tissue paper, reaching for the wet towel to clean Shinobu's face again; but no matter what he thought he didn't move away from the cat, somehow, Shinobu's fears of separation burning anxiously inside him.

"I met with Nowaki at Uni" Shinobu said surprising the professor, since he thought the cat was asleep, but also because of the lie. "He was part of us, you know? The lab, the experiments" Shinobu sniffed, cleaning his tear streaked face with the edge of his pajama tops. "Unlike me he was able to run away, he saved many of us… but I was in a different room, in a different cage, because I had been trying to escape so often… mama said to try, so I had been, and they punished me for it" Shinobu's voice wobbled, threatening another bout of cries, but he calmed down breathing long and slow.

"it's okay, you're now with me, I won't let anyone take you" Miyagi promised and remembered a similar promise back at Uni, when Shinobu had attacked the other pet.

"But Miyagi, I was changed, what they did… what they tried…" Suddenly Shinobu panicked, twisting his body to face Miyagi, his words faltering, "I'm… I can… I mean, they did… I was… I didn't mean to, I didn't know" Miyagi's confused expression only helped heighten Shinobu's dread, "I'm carrying!"

"carrying?" Miyagi brows furrowed, still not understanding, Shinobu grumbled in frustration and fear, "am pregnant!" he forced himself to say, holding on to Miyagi's arms, but the moment the words registered in Miyagi's face the professor tensed and backed away from him, one clear move. "you ARE male" it was a statement, but in a way it sounded like a question.

"I know, they changed me… for many years…"

"you're pregnant" Miyagi looked at Shinobu, as if seeing him, but not him, like an odd piece of a puzzle, a thing.

"Miyagi.. yes, I'm sorry I…" Shinobu breathed hard, unsure to touch Miyagi's arm again, aching for his beloved's warmth and support.

"No" Miyagi gasped, and Shinobu felt something piercing his heart, the professor never moving away, but neither closing the gap, "It wasn't your fault, it has never been" Miyagi let his vision fall to the bed before turning up to see his sweet cat, "what they did to you, we can not change it, but we need to get to a clinic, we don't know how safe it is for you to be pregnant" finally Miyagi reached, although tentative and wary, to touch Shinobu's shoulders. The kitten in response threw his body against the professor's, burying his face in his warm chest, "I'm scared"

"it's okay, I'll never leave you" Miyagi embraced Shinobu with all his might, trying to rain in his own fears and agitation, "we'll find a solution I promise, you don't have to leave, I won't ever let you go, it is fate Shinobu! you were meant to find me" Whether the words were said to calm the kitten down, to ensure Miyagi wouldn't wake up to an empty apartment, or to convince himself that he wouldn't lose his true love, that they could find a solution; he would probably never know, but he hoped the kitten believed them, just as much as he believed in them, because there was nothing in this world he wouldn't do for his Shinobu.

-0-

It was around 7 in the morning when Miyagi accepted the biological need and went to the bathroom, he went in record time, anxious to go back to bed, to keep holding Shinobu. When he reached the bed he saw his pack of cigarettes in the nightstand and bent over slightly to grab it, pulling one out before any thought crossed his mind, the habit of more than 15 years, but then he lifted his eyes and looked at the kitten, curled in a tight ball, arms cradling his belly, as if embracing their unborn child "a baby… our baby… my baby" the thought was alien to him, he had never considered procreation, he wasn't against it, but never loving anyone else and then falling for a male pet, he thought that was a closed case, not meant to be, and that was okay… but he was wrong.

Leaving the cigarette and package on the nightstand he went back to bed, surrounding Shinobu's body, the cat's back touching Miyagi's chest, his arm on top of Shinobu's arm, his hand lightly hovering over his belly, and Miyagi's brows furrowed. The kitten had reacted badly to the pregnancy, with the vomiting and dizziness, since it was obvious there had been no stomach virus... was it over? Was his body okay? Would it kill him to deliver the baby? Fear gripped at his heart. "I promise" he mouthed without speaking, he wouldn't let anything happen to his Shinobu, or their child… their child, theirs, would he have Shinobu's big gray eyes? His beautiful golden mane? A vision, of Shinobu smiling with their child in his arms crossed his mind so fast he almost didn't see it, he could have it, a happy life, a sweet future, but it could also be ripped from him.

"I swear Shinobu, I'll do anything in my power to protect and care for you" Miyagi knew he would promise the same thing over and over and over again in as many words as humanly possible, till they became true. He bent his head, his forehead touching Shinobu's head, his nose breathing in Shinobu's spicy smell, and finally allowed himself to fall asleep.

Author's note: Editing this chapter has been interesting. Like the previous chapter I only had the skeleton, and only took me 2 days to work the body of it, I'm grateful for that, this story is flowing out of me rather nicely, thou not as easily, it did give me a bit of grief on the editing, since I kept changing things, moving things and adding, deleting, you know, the usual. I hope the end result is to your liking, and that you have more tissue paper ready, cause this drama won't stop for a bit more. : D Thank you for reading, I would appreciate some likes, comments, kudos, you know, whatever you do around here. Love you all.