obviously not okay
Natsume watches Mikan silently. It is her first day back in Alice Academy and they have finally been left alone. It is a relief, but it is also nerve-wracking — at least for him. She does not show any sign of discomfort. How annoying, Natsume thinks.
They have been walking aimlessly in the Northern Forest for some time now. Her grandfather would definitely not approve of this activity. No, scratch that. Who would approve of this recklessness?
Natsume has already forgotten how they ended up here. Mikan hums a merry tune, oblivious to his growing agitation. He can eliminate anything in this place that can harm them, but he cannot start a conversation. He wishes she would say something.
There is so much to talk about, but Natsume does not know where to begin. During the years he could not be with Mikan, he talked to her in his dreams. No, bittersweet nightmares might be the more accurate term for what he battled with every night.
Sometimes, she would reply with her usual bright chatter. Sometimes she would scold him. Sometimes she would just smile. Sometimes she would hold his hand or embrace him tightly. Sometimes she would even kiss his tears away. Sometimes she would cry with him too.
Koko and Kitsu would be snickering if they were around. Ruka, Yuu, Nonoko and Anna would be sympathetic. Someone else would have been exasperated at his failure to talk. She would have launched a Baka gun or something similar, but that girl is not here.
At least that person has brother with her. Hopefully. One of the first thing Natsume does in the morning is to pray for their safety. Yes, Natsume Hyuuga has learned to pray. Desperately.
The siblings are too smart to not thrive wherever they are, Sakurano once told Natsume with a sad smile. Natsume will never stop feeling guilty about what happened.
Mikan stops humming. She has spotted some kind of curiously shaped twig. Natsume knows he should immediately tell her to leave it alone. It might be dangerous. At least she wasn't picking it up. Yet.
A memory flashes in his mind. Maybe Mikan remembers it too, and that is why they are actually here in the Northern Forest.
Natsume flinches. It is not a pleasant memory. When they were still elementary school students, he had dared Mikan to go to this very place. They were both so young. Only her Nullification Alice and sincere concern for him stopped disaster that day.
Her alice. There is a lot of uncertainty on that point. Narumi has told him not to dwell on it too much. Natsume called him a hypocrite. Tsubasa agreed with Natsume.
Natsume pushes his distractions away and focuses on Mikan. She was saying that the twig reminds her of a certain abstract painting. That painting is in the faculty room of the middle school she attended. She proceeds to describe the visiting artist who gave it to the school as a gift.
"I will never forget her. She had very pretty eyes. She took such nice photos too! I think you would like them. I brought two photo albums filled with her photographs. I will show them to you sometime this week. Is that okay with you, Natsume?"
"Yeah."
Mikan claps her hands and exclaims that he will surely love the photographs. Next, she talks about a group of merchants she met on one of her school field trips, a giant koi she saw on TV last month, her challenges in mending an elderly neighbor's torn kimono, a neighboring town's old shampoo factory and many other random things.
It seems unfair to Natsume. Mikan's life without him seemed so carefree. His life, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. Natsume feels angry. He is angry that it took so long for them to be reunited. He is angry that he was too weak to protect her. He is angry at the people who kept him away from her. He is angry at the people who got to spend time with her while they were apart.
Natsume is angry and he feels the need to set something on fire.
"Hey, Natsume? Can you hear me, Natsume?"
Natsume takes several deep breaths to calm down. He slowly unclenches his fists. He is about to apologize when Mikan beats him to it.
"I am so sorry!"
"Huh, why?"
"I am such a chatterbox."
"Oh. Of course."
"You must have been annoyed."
"Do I look annoyed?"
"Yes. Maybe 'annoyed' is an understatement. What is it? You can tell me, you know. Please!"
"I was just… never mind."
Mikan does not even hesitate to take his hands in her own. It almost makes him smile.
"How can I not mind? You are obviously not okay, Natsume."
"Your eyebrows are all scrunched up."
"My eyebrows are all scrunched up because I am very worried. Do not change the subject. Anyone can tell that you are upset."
"I am upset. At myself, not you."
"But why?"
"Nothing. We need to go back. Come on, your uncle will serve my head on a platter if we do not return soon."
"That is an exaggeration. I will stop him if he tries anything. And I really hope you can stop carrying so many burdens, Natsume."
Natsume sighs.
"Some things will never change," he whispers.
"And some things will. It took a while, but I am here now. Well, it certainly took more than a while. My point is, I will not let you suffer alone. I am serious, Natsume."
He takes a few moments before replying.
"Mikan, having you back is more than enough for me."
"I promise to make up for lost time. I will do my very best. You know I always do my best."
"You silly girl. Did you hear what I just said?"
"Of course I did, Natsume."
"I meant it."
"I know, but you must not call me a silly girl! My last report card was fine. I passed all my subjects. I have improved!"
Mikan quickly releases his hands, sticks her tongue out, and walks away. In the wrong direction. This time, Natsume really smiles. He easily catches up with her and leads her to the right way back to the High School building.
When they arrive, Koko and Kitsu have big grins on their faces. The two tricksters talk dramatically about young love, detours and dark places. Natsume smirks. Mikan blushes and weakly stutters a vague denial of any improper actions.
As dinner progresses, Natsume finds himself looking forward to days Mikan will actually have something to deny. How exciting.