Revised: 8/10/24
Chapter 2
Caroline could hear nothing so loudly as she could hear her heels on the pavement as she walked up to see Victor. What she had to say could only be said in person, though for the last few weeks she had done all that she could to try not to talk to him in person or even so much as on the phone. She had wanted to undo everything which she had done up to this point – but when she had felt that she was no longer on her own, she had found she had a lot more thinking to do than even she had known. Or thought possible.
Therefore, she had given herself some distance between from him, in the hope it was going to give them both some perspective and time for her to figure out what she was going to do. And she had – she was going to have this baby with her husband, for she could not let the mistakes which she and Victor had made destroy everything. She did not just have them and their child to think about. No, at the forefront of her mind were the children she already had. But – and try as she might not to – it did not feel right to not tell Victor that he was going to be a father. She had waited as long as she could in the hope that the decision she had made was going to settle in her and she was going to get past this feeling within her but she could not, much to her frustration.
Shawn and the kids were her world but after all that she had been through with Victor of late, she felt a foolish obligation to do the right thing by him. Just because they could not be together did not mean he should not know about the baby.
She was so sick of lying, she thought as she rung the doorbell to his house – it was time for her to begin to tell the truth as she had been raised to do once more.
When the door opened, she saw Victor's butler was surprised to see her. She wanted to tell him sorry for a moment for she knew Victor would have been hell to work for the last few weeks. However, Victor, she did believe, was the kind of man who inspired loyalty and so they were going to be fine.
It was all going to be fine, was the lie she told herself.
"I will go and get Mr Kirikas for you, Mrs Brady," the man said but no sooner had her name been said that Victor appeared. She caught her breath when she saw him. This was going to be no easy conversation. Yet it had to be done.
Victor had hoped so many times that she was going to come to him that when she had heard her name he had thought he was dreaming – but he was not and she was here.
"I need to talk to you." He did not think he had ever seen that look on her face before.
"Ok," he nodded and he led her to a place where they were going to be afforded more privacy, his study. A room which held many memories for them both.
Victor had to admit he had not found the way she had been of late easy to handle and it had irritated him more than once. He had thought when they came face to face once more, he was going to be able to make her pay. No one treated him the way she had done for he was Victor Kirakis and he was not going to be cast aside as she had tried to push him out…. but the fact remained she was Caroline and as long as he drew breathe then he knew his heart was going to run on her. And from the moment he saw her, all that mattered was that she was there.
He could not be angry with her when she was his heart's desire. When them being alone was his heart's desire.
"Caroline, my darling, at last," he said as the two of them went into his study. He tried to take her hands in his own but was rather worried to see she was not going to allow that.
When she had not been in communication he felt he had had good cause to worry she had got cold feet on him and now he could see it was true.
He drew back into himself and he said words that he knew were going to shame him in certain quarters if it was found out he had said them.
"So you really spurned me then?" He said to her. All the excitement which he had felt at seeing her drained away and he was left with the anger at what he could not help but see as her betrayal. Her betrayal of him…
"Oh Victor, please – it is something much more important than all of that. I need to talk to you."
At least that was an improvement he thought to himself and his annoyance was quelled some much as he felt the anxiety roll off of her. He did not like to think she was panicked.
"What is it?" He said to her softly for he didn't think that if he went any harder than that she was going to be able to say what she had to and he did want to hear it. If he could make her life better for her then he would, no matter what it was. And as much as he hated it, it had clearly cost her to come here.
She held her face in her hands, took a few deep breath's and then she bit the bullet. If she said the words then they were going to be real and her conscience could clear, in regards to Victor at least.
"I am pregnant, and it is your child and I do not think I am ever going to be able to forgive myself for that," announced Caroline through her tears as she dared to look at Victor.
She had no idea how he was going to react to this news but to her great horror, he looked as if he was on top of the world. That was not what she what she had been expecting. "Oh my darling, you're sure?" he did not know if he had heard her right at first but if he had….
He was sure of it. When she had said she was going to marry Shawn he had lost all hope of the two of them having their own child – even then that was what he had wanted for them, so to hear that she was going to have their baby – he did not think she was ever going to be able to understand what that meant to him. It was all the world and more. This was meant to be. It was destined…
"You can't possibly see this as good news - don't you see how much it is going to destroy?" she said as she held her head. Ever since she had learnt she was going to have his baby, she had felt an odd mix of sick and dizzy and this time it was nothing to do with the morning sickness.
Victor cleared his throat as he moved towards her. No, he did not see what this was going to destroy. All he saw was how much he stood to gain from this.
"Of course, I see it as good news - all this time have you not been listening. My darling, I love you - I have not been saying it as a matter of course but because it is the truth - "there was a part of him which was sad to see she still thought that he was fooling around and to him, she was just as any other woman might be to him, which had never ever been the case. She'd always been more. When they had made Caroline for him they broke the mould and he did not want her to think otherwise.
Caroline did not think she had ever felt this hopelessness when she had been pregnant before.
Suddenly, though she knew it had not been the case all of the time, all she was able to remember right then was that she had felt a lot of love and hope when she had been carrying the others. Its absence this time was gaping.
"We can be together, all three of us. And I will love you, we'll both adore you, you'll not be alone for a moment," he said and kissed her forehead. She darted across the room as if he had bitten her, not tried to show her how deep his devotion to her went.
"Caroline…"
"No – no that can never be," she said to him firmly. "I can't - we can't."
"I mean what I say. I can not and I will not walk away from this. I cannot accept another man raising this child not when you're so sure he or she he is mine." He said as he worked out her plan. If she had not been sure that this was his, she would not be here. The one thing he meant to do was show her he was not going to accept this little one becoming a Brady. That was not what his child was.
Caroline wished she could hide the pregnancy from him once more. She placed her hands over the womb which he was gazing at with such affection.
She had not known – all she had had to do was keep her mouth shut. The morals of the last few days mocked her right then. She had been a fool.
She had had to open her big mouth, in a way to absolve herself. That was not how things seemed set to turn out however.
"But Shawn is my husband. And the father of all of the rest of them."
"I don't care - this one is mine and I – and we will bring them up."
It sounded so final. So harsh. It was as if Victor was trying to lock away her past - but to her, the past was not yet the past. She was still married to Shawn but if it came out…. The thought was unbearable to her.
"But Roman, Kimberly and Kayla…"
"I will take them on."
"But that is not what I want." It felt to her as if her life was running out of control. As if it was water running through her hands and she could do nothing to stop it. "I was just trying to do the right thing!"
He had to admit that hurt a little but then he knew her – this was bluster.
When it came to the truth of it, he thought to himself. She had come to him and told him. That was what she had to hang on to.
But Caroline was thinking on very different lines.
She had told Victor as a matter of curtsey as she believed it to be the right thing to do and because she was so tired of doing the wrong thing. It felt as if that was all she ever did sometimes.
Not so they could be a family.
"Shawn will never agree to it."
"Then we will leave them with him."
Caroline did not think she had ever heard him sound so callous.
"I will never leave them." She said firmly – she would never say anything so firmly again. If she had thought the idea of Shawn finding out about her deception was unbearable, then this was on a whole new level.
In the years which followed, Victor would come to regret those words and wished he could take them back.
In that moment they had made sense. He was ready to make sure his child was made safe. But he did not know that it would change everything. A light which went out of Caroline's eyes he could never return to them. Not when it came to him.
"Then they are going to have to come with us, aren't they?" Victor surmised.
He only knew he had done something to damage them when she began to shake.
He knew she needed time to mull this over.
But he knew the one thing he was not going to let happen was for Shawn to raise any child which he had conceived with Caroline.
Never.
He had made the choices which he saw as acceptable clear to her. The ball was in her court as far as he was concerned.
"What are you going to do Caroline?" Victor asked.
"I – I do not know what to do," admitted Caroline. There was only one thing in the world which she wanted to do right then and that was to go on living as she was right then, but it was the one thing she couldn't do. He was not going to let her.
"Well, you have got till the baby is born to make up your mind."
It was clear cut that point he had big plans for all three of them – but it felt to her as if he was trying to take over her life.
She would have thought that would never happen – but now it was.
"I will let you know before that," she said as she got her purse and walked back out. She was not going to let this drag on that long for any of them – it wasn't fair.
X x x
Caroline got back from Victor's that night and she truly believed the man she had willingly gone to so many times lately was a monster. The truth was she was disgusted with her self that she had gone to him at all. Put plainly and simply, it should never have happened.
Yet it was too late for all that.
She got back to the fish market and she was sure she was still shaking but knew she had to get control of that as fast as she could because of young Molly upstairs. Tears pricked at her eyes. Her young sister in law had always been so good to her and if she found out the reason that she had asked her over there that night was help deceive her brother…. Well, she did not want that to happen. More than anything she did not want her to think she had made a fool of her. So the one choice she had was to not let her find out. And she had had enough practice of lying of late she reminded herself. And she had told enough for her own self-benefit so now if she had to tell a few which she found painful, there was nothing she could do but suck it up.
Caroline wiped her eyes, took off her coat and went up the stairs. She felt as if she was ready to Mrs Brady again in that moment.
"How has it been love?" she asked with a smile as she went into the living room.
"Dead, dead boring - I was hoping at least one of them was going to wake up to give their auntie a cuddle but you have got them all too well trained – they slept right through. How was your friend?" Molly asked as she got up.
"My what?"
"Your friend – you said she as rather upset – "
"Oh of course. I am so sorry, it was – it was quite a trying night. She was very upset," sighed Caroline.
"Well, it looks as if you have had a night of it so I am going to get off now. Is Shawn going to be home soon?" she asked gently and Caroline nodded.
Carline was going to be so glad to see him as this night - for she knew this was one of those when the two of them were safe. She didn't know how many of those she had left.
"Would you like me to wait until he is back with you?"
She shook her head. What she needed was a bit of time to work all this through in her head.
"Are you sure you are ok?" Molly questioned.
Caroline gave a nod. "It has just been a bit of a long day," she admitted to her sister in law. "But I am going to be ok."
When she worked out what she was going to do then she was going to be ok.
"Ok – night, night – I'll see you soon,"
"Night," she said as she saw Molly out the door. Caroline wondered when Molly got home, if she was going to make comments to her mother in law about the way she had behaved but she felt as if she had bigger fish to fry right thing.
She shut the door behind her and she breathed.
In and out. In and out. In and out.
She had been a fool to tell Victor as she had known she was going to be. Deep down, she had known. There had always been a voice within her which said the best way to go about all this was to try and keep it to herself and yet she had just had to open her mouth.
And so she had landed here.
She went over to the sideboard in the kitchen and put her hands on the side.
What were her choices she thought to herself? Well, she could do what she wanted and she could stay put. Let Victor tell Shawn and see what came of it.
But the fact was she was terrified of that option.
Yes, there was a chance they were going to pull together and see it through but there was also a chance Shawn was never going to see her the same way again and that when he looked at her it was going to be with hatred in his eyes.
Caroline could not bare that.
He might want her gone and he might keep the kids and there were so many what ifs and might's that she did not feel as if she could trust to that course at all. It was too big of a gamble and if she did it then she had to gamble with all which she held dear and she – she did not feel as if she could do that.
But there was no other option if she stayed. It was not as if she could do what she had wanted to do and raise the baby quietly with Shawn.
Victor had made it quite clear to her that that was not going to be an option.
So, if she did not stay then the only path left open to her was to leave she supposed.
And there – there was a chance as well. There was a chance that she and Victor might get on, living as man and wife. There was a chance they were going to be able to make a success of being together but the only thing which she knew for an absolute fact was that if she went for that option then she was going to break Shawn's heart. If she walked out and took the kids, then that was something she knew which her husband was never going to get over.
He wouldn't recover from it any more than she would.
It broke her heart to know there was no way out of this which did not hurt Shawn - for he was the only one of them who had done nothing wrong lately. Shawn and the children were the innocents in all of this.
Tears trickled down her cheeks… She did not think she could stay here then. After all, it was one thing for Shawn to hate her for all she had done wrong but it was another entirely for him to look into her eyes and tell her that. And then there were their families.
Her mother and father were never going to forgive her for this and her parents in law certainly were not going to. No, she knew it was the coward's way but – but she also knew she was going to have to leave, for all her own selfish reasons. And she was going to take her children with her.
And from that, there was no coming back.
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