Revised: 9/10/24

Chapter 3

For someone who never wanted to be on this path again, she was on it fairly regularly lately thought Caroline as she went up to Victor's house once more.

After she had made her choice she had waited a few days in the hope she was going to see another way through all this mess - but she was beginning to think there just wasn't one. And so it was time to give him her decision she had thought, in case he had got impatient and set off a bomb which was going to tear her life apart before she had had the chance to do so herself.

The least she could do was like the match herself.

"Well, my dear, I did not know if I was going to see you again so soon," said Victor as he let Caroline into the house. The truth was he had been rather nervous about when she was going to come again. Since the two of them had been together, neither of them had ever had to wait long as he knew when you got down to the very heart of it, they could not stay away from each other. But this time had been different.

She had wanted the space.

"I did not want you to get the wrong idea or – or to say anything which you do not need too," she said to him. There was plenty in that sentence which went unsaid.

He nodded.

"Let me take your coat and we can have a proper talk."

He was sure that was what they needed. Now she had had a chance to think, he was sure she was going to be able to see it from his point of view.

"No, there is not time, I have to get back," she said to him and he felt the familiar wave of disappointment. But there was something in him which said it might not go on forever. This damn distance.

"Well, then I guess in that case you have come to say what – what you need to say." He said to her as he sat back in his office chair and she gave a nod. That was one way to put it and she had indeed.

"I want to know if there is no other way we can go about this… now you have had a chance to think. Is there no way that maybe we can tell the baby when he or she is eighteen about you and apart from that –"

"You can raise it with Shawn." He said and she could see the hurt in his eyes. She had had to try one more time for the family – the way she knew it. Yet his expression made her bite her lip and rethink what this child meant to him. As far as she had thought that, he was doing this to destroy her marriage to Shawn, so that they themselves could have something more– but now she saw it went deeper.

"Yes – I – I want to do that so I can give the baby and the children a stable home." Surely, he had to see that she had to consider the children she had already, as well as the one which would be.

He breathed and reminded himself if there was one truth right then, it was that she was going to be tired and emotional and he had to keep her patience with her whether that was easy or not.

"That is something which I cannot accept," he said to her in such a way that he knew he had shut down that conversation. The look on her face said she was accepting was he was saying to her.

"I do not know if I am the position to make a deal at all but if I do come with you – if we are to go away together and be a family then there – there is one thing I ask of you. And only one." She said to him quite seriously.

He nodded. If he thought it was going to get her to leave the country with him, right then he was sure he was going to promise her a gold clock.

He gave a nod. "Anything."

She knew what she was asking might be unfair given their situation but – but she had to ask.

"When the baby comes, I want to be the one who gives her or him their name."

It had been the one thing she had always allowed Shawn no matter what. That he should be the one to name the children.

Maybe she should afford the same thing to Victor.

But as petty as it was - she did not want too.

He sighed – well that was a very small price to pay if he got to spend her life with her.

And he did not want to alienate her.

"My darling if we all get to be together, then you can call any of the children we have whatever you want," he said as he put his hands on her arms.

She nodded but she did not say a lot for fear he was going to see in her eyes what she knew had to be the truth. She had had her best child bearing years already with Shawn and if she had her way then the one she was carrying right then by rights had to be her last. If Victor had dreams of a big family with her, then he was going to be disappointed. She would not give him a string of sons…

"But I do need to be there to bring the child up and – and don't you want us to be together?"

For the last few months, he had got the idea that was all she had wanted thought now he begun to worry she just had wanted to have her cake and eat it.

She nodded. She had spent so much time thinking on it of late but she was sure she could square herself with it now.

"If this is the way it has to be – then it has to be."

She had no one to blame but herself.

Victor noted that was no true answer to his question.

They looked at each other and Victor felt as if he wanted to cry out that he was no prison warder here – to remind her that at one stage this was everything the two of them had dreamt of – that was what they had said. They were lovers and best friends and this was the best thing for them.

He did not want to feel as if he was the monster who was taking her away.

He took a depth breath and once more he reminded himself of her condition and wondered on what that had to be doing to her nerves. She was going to come through this and when she did he was sure she was going to be happy he had had the courage of their convictions. She had to.

"I want to make you happy darling. I promise you, I will spend my life trying to make you happy," he promised.

She nodded but said nothing – there was nothing to say.

X x x

Caroline spent the next few days preparing herself for what she was sure was going to be the biggest regret of her life. She had tried to get herself out of it but at the end of the day…

This was where they were.

And she had to admit there was something within her which was glad the decision had been made. She was sure it was the one she had least favoured, but now it was made there was something in her which was beginning to let her plan for the future. She made endless list of what she was going to need to take with her when she and the children left for the – well, for the future. She planned what they were going to carry forward.

And she did so for the needs of each of her children. She did not know if the comforts of home were going to be much of a solace to them at the end of the day – but she knew she had to try and make it so.

It was as she sat at the kitchen table with her lists she jumped out of her skin, due to the knock on the door. It could not be Shawn – he was at work. Immediately, Caroline felt as if she was under surveillance. Covering her papers with the newspaper, she made her way to the front door, which she opened slowly in the hope that it was going to be a deliver van driver or someone she was going to be able to send away easily but no such luck.

"I did not know you were going to come around today," she said and it was not until she shut her mouth she realised how rude she must have sounded.

"What a lovely greeting for your mother," Evelyn laughed as she stepped in to the house. Caroline knew in that moment she was rather lucky to have such an easy-going mama.

If she had had another one, then she would have had a lot more than that to say about it.

"Well – I - I am sorry it is just I have had a lot - a lot on today. Why don't the two of us have a coffee?" she said to her. It might do her the world of good to take a break from her planning she thought.

They walked back to the kitchen area and Caroline wished to god she had stashed what she had been doing away a little more carefully for she had no idea how she was going to explain it if it came to it.

"Now that is a lot more like it." Her mother said to her with a grin. "I take it your current mood is down to my grandchildren."

Caroline was sure it would be very easy for her to blame all of this on the kids but that was something which she was not going to do. It wasn't fair on them.

"No – I did not sleep last night – which was funny, because Kayla did."

But then Kayla did not have on her mind what her mother did.

"Oh, come on now Caroline, you have been a mother long enough now to know that you sleeping when the kids do is the golden rule," her mother said to her with a smile but when she saw her daughter did not grin back she felt something in her begin to worry.

"Caroline?"

"Oh, sorry mama," she said to her and it was clear she had got distracted in that little amount of time it had taken her to cross to the kettle.

"It must be bad," her mother said as she looked at her. "whatever it is, you know you can talk to me."

But how wrong she was thought her daughter.

"Really, mama, it is nothing. Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure."

And when they were on their way to Greece maybe that was something she could have.

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