Chapter 4
After her visit to her daughter, Evelyn could not shake the feeling there was something wrong. She knew Caroline. She knew her like no one else so when she was sad or scared she did not need to be told.
And the fact was, it was on her mind days later and so it was time to go and do something about it all. While her husband loved their daughter as much as she did, sometimes did not think her father knew her as well as she did these days – after all, he was at work so much of the time and their girl was changing so much, even then, as she did as she was a young girl. She was changing as she grew into her role as a mother.
And as Caroline and her father were both so busy, he did not get the chance to see it as Evelyn did.
And so she needed to talk to someone who knew her as she did and if that person was not Shawn there was something very wrong.
She wandered down to the docks where he worked and due to the busy nature of the work which took place down there it took a little while to find him – but when she did find him, she was made welcome.
"Evelyn, it is not so often we get the pleasure of your company out here in the day," said Shawn with a grin at his mother in law, as he walked up the dock towards her. They really did get on quite well so he had no trouble greeting her warmly, but it did make him wonder what it was she was doing there.
Work time visits weren't often.
"Well, I thought I would give you a treat," she said to him for she did not want to go in there and be negative right away. She reminded herself that she could have got all of this very wrong. There might be nothing wrong with her daughter but then they were going to get to the bottom of this a lot sooner if they worked together.
"That you have," he said to her with a grin for he was the sort of lad who was glad to have a break for his family. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asked her for whilst he was glad to see her, he did not think she was going to come all the way down here for no good reason.
"Yes – yes, you can but why don't the two of us get a tea first," she said to him with a soft smile.
She thought it was going to be a bit easier for them to have this conversation if they were watered.
He gave a nod to say he thought it was a good idea and they went to get a drink. Shawn had coffee for he did not think there was ever such a thing as too much coffee. And it was needed.
"Now what is it I can help you with on this fine day," he said to her with a grin.
She fumbled for a while for even then she did not know if she knew quite where to start with all of this and she did not want him to think she was trying to interfere. Was she reaching outside of her own house?
But then she reminded her self that this was her daughter and she was being silly. She was her mother and if Caroline needed help then who better to help but her?
"Have you noticed Caroline is a bit – not herself right now?" asked Evelyn.
Shawn blinked and shook his head. "Not to any great degree," she said she felt a little under the weather, but he had put that down to the pressure of work a day life. She worked in the market and she looked after their kids and – and it took its toll. "you think it's more than that?"
Evelyn cleared her throat.
There was something in her which wanted to say no and that it was all fine to him but then she saw where she was, and she had a feeling if she did not think it was that bad – well she wouldn't be here.
"I just – she did not seem as if she was herself lately." She said as she thought of how distracted she had been. She did not think she had ever thought that of her daughter before, not even when she had just had her children.
Shawn liked to think he was the one who knew her best but due to the closeness between Caroline and her mother, he knew he was never going to be able to shrug off her suspicions lightly. And if this was what she thought then he had to take it seriously. It was not a warning to be ignored.
And the truth was she had probably seen more of her lately than he had.
"She is – she is distracted and when she thinks people are not looking, she seems sad to me," Evelyn elaborated. She would say she was just tired she was sure but that was not the truth, she was sure of it.
"Ok – I will have a talk with her and see if I can get to the bottom of this," said Shawn to her with a smile. He had to say though he did not much feel right then on the inside feel like smiling. He had thought on their wedding day she should never have cause to be sad, and it hurt him even then to think she did.
"Good lad –" Evelyn nodded. She knew she could rely on him.
X x x
Caroline felt calm as she put away her lists for that day. Some toys were now ticked off of it, she thought to herself as she remembered the moment she had seen Victor's car drive away from the house that day. She had said to him she needed someone to come to the house to collect a few things and as good as his word he had sent dome one for which she was very grateful. Some people would say it was nothing important that she had sent ahead of them to Greece but the truth was they were toys the kids had played with since they were young and blankets which she knew the smell of the fish market were going to cling to.
All in all, they were going to be the items which were going to be able to comfort the kids when not a lot else could – items which were going to help them transition from the old to the new and that was something she did not think you could put a price on.
It was beginning to feel real to her now she thought – that herself and the children were going to leave Salem to be with Victor and that she was going to have another baby. That the marriage she had thought she was going to live her life around was coming to an end. Somehow she had found the strength inside of herself to face it all now.
Just about. Because she had to for the sake of the kids – she could do anything for them.
She looked into the living room and saw Roman and Kim playing. They had been at school and nursery when she had sent the things off and she was hoping they were not going to realize they were gone.
With any luck, when they asked for them they were going to be in another country.
That thought caused their mother to take a deep breath. She did not know how long she was going to be able to fob them off if they started looking for things they could not find.
"You know I think we need to get out for a bit," Caroline said as sat down and took her youngest daughter into her arms.
"What do you think about a trip to the park?" she smiled at Kim and Roman and they were soon running to get their shoes on. She did not think she had as ever asked that and got a negative answer and she was glad to see nothing had changed that day. There were still some things which were running as normal in their house.
And which would move with them to the new house.
When they did get to the park, Caroline found she was soon abandoned by her elder two children for the delights of the swings and the slides, but she did not mind that she found as she had her Kayla there with her and she cuddled her beautiful baby.
At least that was one thing which was not going to change. Wherever the two of them went together she was always going to be her baby.
"And I am always going to be your mama – yes, I am," she cooed as she kissed her daughter's chubby cheeks. "Yes, I will." Caroline smiled with a sigh as she wished she could say to her that her dad was always going to be her dad as well. It was the truth, but it no longer felt as if it was the right thing to say.
"Are you ok mama?" a voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she saw it was her Roman there.
"Yes darling, of course, I am – why did you think otherwise?" she said as she moved to put Kayla back in her pram. It seemed to her as if another of her babies needed her right then.
"It is just you have been very quiet since we got to the park."
For a boy so young, Caroline thought he could be far too old beyond his years.
"It is – it is just mama was thinking, she might like to go on holiday soon," she said to Roman.
That was no lie. She did want to go on holiday for she wanted to go far away from all of this right then. But then it was more than that. What she wanted to do was plant the idea in his head that they might be taking a trip soon so that when Victor did take them away – well, it was not going to be such a shock to the young lad.
"I would like to go on holiday too!" he said as he sat in the crook of her arm and thought of a white beach to build sand castles on and plenty of space to run around.
She felt herself lighten as she heard that - maybe he would not find the start of what was going to happen to bad then. And by the time he got to grips with what was really going on – maybe she could soften that too. They were going to find a way through all of it, she was sure.
"We are going to have to see what we can do about that."
She sighed he leant into her, this first born son of hers. He was still as precious as Kayla was small.
X x x
Caroline may not have been able to put on a show for her mother when she was there but when Shawn came home in the evenings, she made sure she was bully and bright – may be a little too much so and then she toned it down a bit – she did not want him to know anything was wrong so days when she felt she could not hide what was going on from him she made it to bed early. For she was tired and she was a mother and she felt sure she could swing it believable that she needed the extra sleep.
Maybe he would think that was what was troubling her.
As for Shawn, the day he had seen Evelyn, he had been so sure he was going to go straight home and talk to his wife over what had been said but – but there never seemed in his mind the chance or the moment. When the two of them were together she was bright and fine, and when he came home to find her sleep the last thing in the world which he was going to do was wake her to have a conversation. If she needed her sleep then he was going to let her sleep.
Nevertheless, the judgment of his mother in law knawed away at him. Still, it would all come right, in the end, he thought to himself.
It had too.
X x x
If Shawn was easy to fool, not that she liked that way of putting it at all, Caroline found her mother a much harder challenge. She found she was coming round more often – as if she could sense that something was about to occur and she was a sniffer dog to find out what. She couldn't even blame her for she felt as if she was in her position – if she could sense something was wrong with one of her babies, then she was going to be just the same.
And it made her angry because she knew she and her mother did not have that much time left together. She wanted to enjoy it, but now, seeing Evelyn always left Caroline exhausted – never was this so true as the time Evelyn came just two days before they were due to leave with Victor…
If she had been asked before she came, Caroline would have been torn between saying she did not want to see her mother for the feelings of guilt which she was going to turn up within her and saying she was going to be a tonic to her.
In the end, it was neither, but it had been good to be able to think of something else for just a while instead of just the destruction of her family. She found knowing it was the last time – she could relax and let her guard down with her mother for just a while. Long enough for them to hopefully leave things on a good footing.
Either way, by the time she left, Caroline was sure she needed a lie down more than ever, yet her mind returned to her preparations as soon as it could.
She and Victor were taking the kids… and they were leaving…
But in all the middle of trying to make sure the kids were going to be ok when they left, Caroline knew without a shadow of a doubt she had to do the same for herself - for when they did go she was going to be the one anchor to the past her kids had. And they would need her more than ever.
If she was not at the top of her game, then none of them would survive leaving Salem.
The routines which were so day to day to her at this point became sacred.
So, she was sure the following day, she would treat them as such.
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