Chapters: 3/?
Word count: 900
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colour my spine, I'm giving you my all
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part three
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vii
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Mayaka surprisingly comes around to joining the Classics Club.
Satoshi does not know what motivated her to change her mind. He would like to believe it came from his suggestion, but — there's the possibility of Chitanda asking for Mayaka's help with the Jun Sekitani case. Or Houtarou's deduction skill finally getting the best of Mayaka's curiosity.
Either way, Satoshi never asks. (How can he when they've already got their hands full; unfolding the youth of a hero?)
While unravelling the mystery of Jun Sekitani, the Classics Club runs into Masashi Toogaito. Mayaka knows him. It's no surprise that she's acquainted with Toogaito-senpai.
Mayaka may not have a title like Fuyumi Irisu, 'The Empress', whose family runs the city hospital, but Mayaka still has an impact. Toogaito-senpai is in a similar boat. He isn't part of the Exponential Four Clan, but he is just as important; President of the school's Wall Newspaper Club, and the son of a well-respected family that influences members of the educational community.
The name 'Ibara' is probably a staple to the Toogaito family — well-intertwined, having published textbooks for Masashi's ancestors for generations.
Through Mayaka and Toogaito-senpai's short exchange, Satoshi realises that the two are on an equal footing; and for some reason, that fact scares Satoshi a little.
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(Satoshi won't say it out loud, but part of him has expectations for Mayaka. He always knew she was special … but he had also hoped that she wouldn't be someone out of reach from him.)
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Mayaka's friendliness extends to Satoshi and he likes being able to share a good laugh with her. He focuses on the time they spent together, lively and pleasant, fooling himself with this temporary imagery.
By the end of July, the thought is far away, tucked to the back of his subconscious in preparation for Jun Sekitani's funeral.
But as the days pass, Satoshi cannot stop rolling over possibilities in his head. It takes until the end of their Summer days, close to September when the new semester starts, for Satoshi to realise that he feels threatened by Toogaito-senpai
And the reason for that is that Satoshi's gotten a crush on Mayaka.
He first figured it was admiration. Mayaka grew up surrounded by books and journals and readings. What's there not to be amazed about? What a cool person to befriend!
But now, Satoshi thinks one of the reasons he likes her is because they obsess over the same stuff. His mind drifts back to the seemingly endless shelves filled with endless pages of fantasy and magic and adventure. While Satoshi has never seen it himself, Satoshi's memorised most of what Mayaka has told him; he can even name Mayaka's oldest fandom, her first favourite character.
Actually, Satoshi can relay a lot of information about Mayaka because she fascinates him. To name a few, Mayaka's bookbag is brimming with cutesy keychains and only grows by the week; her favourite fruit are tangerines; she loves reading manga but keeps it a secret.
Satoshi thinks Mayaka is interesting because she isn't like him.
Growing up, Satoshi remembers borrowing several incomplete book series from school libraries or having his friends lend him their prized novels; he remembers smiling when it was his turn, knowing he could never own anything as grand.
Maybe that's why he likes going to Mayaka's indoor library so much. Maybe that's how he found himself gravitating towards Mayaka (and the things he can't obtain).
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viii
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August wasn't the kindest to Houtarou. But during that period, Satoshi tries to catch up, tries to elevate himself to another level and be the same as his peers.
The Classics Club members and Juumonji are frequent bibliophiles. It's a trait they share, despite each person consuming different genres.
To Satoshi, it was a sign of a higher self. To read, to broaden the mind and be educated is something most should strive to be.
Satoshi isn't much of a bookworm. He can't say he's studious either. He had tried, but too much repetition in the past showed that he isn't all that great with his grades. No matter how much he studies or puts in effort, he's always just scored alright. He could never be above average in academics.
So, he tried his hand at other things to stand out. Curriculum, for example. Adopting hobbies left, right and centre. Being social. He wouldn't be in clubs as influential as the Executive Committee or as creative as the Handicrafts Club or as mysterious as the revived Classic Lit Club if he didn't want to stand out.
And Satoshi supposes he's known for being a man of many hats. But he's never managed to be 'great' at what he does. He's a master of none. Perhaps good enough to cruise by, but he's no expert.
(Not like Chitanda who thrives in farming or Juumonji with fortune telling or Mayaka with manga or Houtarou in deduction.)
At most, Satoshi's a wildcard.
Reality though says he's the least talented in the group. But the desire to be on an equal plane (and not leagues away from his friends) motivates Satoshi to keep going.
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ix
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Don't stop.
Can't stop.
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(He doesn't think he'll ever stop obsessing over this.)
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(But there will come a day when he'll learn to not be obsessed with being obsessed.)
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Notes: I wrote the entirety of this fic for Satoshi angst, let's not pretend that it's anything else.
Since its drafting days in December 2019, I wanted to apply Houtarou-Chitanda's social hierarchy romance problem to Satoshi and Mayaka. It took a while to write, but when the concept popped into my brain; the idea of Satoshi having to love a girl with that much expectation just grabbed my heart! Per usual, I found it difficult to get inside Satoshi's psyche because he worships 'special' people like Chitanda, Juumonji and Irisu-senpai, and yet has problems holding himself to their standard.
I was rummaging through my brain to find a common interest for Satoshi and Mayaka while also thinking of the type of business the Ibaras could excel and control. I first came up with the idea of a Toy Empire because of things like 'Toys R Us' and the fact that entertainment is just so. dang. expensive! But then I couldn't tie it to Toogaito ... so I came up with reading / books / publishing (。_。)
Forgive me 🙏
— 11 June 2023