Chapters: 4/?
Word count: 2.3k
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colour my spine, I'm giving you my all
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part four
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x
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"I'm going to do some digging and find out more about Oreki,"
"Eh?!"
Satoshi didn't mean to exclaim. He hadn't even realised he had raised his voice until that very moment. He's lucky that the hallway heading towards the Classics Clubroom isn't as congested, but straying eyes still snap in his direction and he responds by clamping a hand over his mouth, showing his embarrassment and momentary vow to keep his voice down.
"Mayaka," He says when the redness crawling up his neck finally subsides. "What's this about?"
"What do you mean 'what's this about'?" Mayaka raises a brow and tosses the same expression back at Satoshi. "You know exactly why I'm snooping,"
Ever since the Summer spent at the pool, coupled with the bright livelihood of the Kanya Fest in October, Houtarou has re-routed himself and come through. (Not only with that bag of flour.) Houtarou isn't as gloomy as he used to be and stopped shrinking into his shell. He's revealed his true worth once more, but this time to a bigger audience by involving Jirou Tanabe-senpai and a burnt-baited manuscript.
"Oreki's like that saying: 'a skilled hawk hides its talons'," Mayaka tells Satoshi.
It's clear that she can't get over the fact that Houtarou reformed. Satoshi will admit, Houtarou demonstrated sleuthing abilities beyond solving everyday, mundane mysteries. It was impressive, but …
"Houtarou could never be a hawk!" Satoshi exclaims, meaning the rise in his tone this time and resisting the urge to frown at Mayaka's words. Satoshi has always known that Houtarou had deductive skills, nonetheless — "It's not suitable for a person like him."
Mayaka shakes her head. "I'm starting to think that it is. I don't think Oreki's a 'slug' anymore. I don't think he ever was,"
Satoshi wants to deter Mayaka's investigation, all the same, it's evident that Mayaka has made up her mind. She can be so stubborn when it comes to Houtarou Oreki; arguing with Houtarou over big and little things, engaging in plenty of debates with her childhood friend despite what anyone says.
(Even when Satoshi provides facts or Juumonji with predictions or Chitanda with an unlikely curious outcome.)
Mayaka's perspective on Houtarou cannot be unshifted, regardless, Satoshi wishes he could sway her. Not to prove a point, but more so to nudge her in a different direction.
Stop paying so much attention to Houtarou. Just — look. at. me. I'm right here! Satoshi thinks. He couldn't help himself. Why doesn't Mayaka talk about him with admiration as Houtarou?
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xi
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"Do you have anyone you like, Fukube-kun?" Juumonji asks.
The cold November air bites at exposed skin; his hands and neck that aren't bundled and hidden behind warm articles of clothing. He has his bomber jacket on but misplaced his gloves and scarf. Maybe Satoshi shouldn't have accepted the invitation to walk home together, but the river looks beautiful even in this freezing Autumn and the idea didn't seem like a bad one when Juumonji had suggested it.
Brown eyes chance at a glance; his classmate's lips are twisted into the biggest grin he's ever seen.
Satoshi first contemplates the idea of walking while keeping his eyes shut before he almost burst out laughing. What's he doing? Pretending to be Houtarou? He isn't his best friend. He isn't the type to attempt at staying as still as possible.
Satoshi's tolerance for a rose-coloured life is contrasting. So, instead, the androgynous boy squints at Juumonji as if he's trying to place a name on a face. "A bit too early to discuss romance, don't you think, Juumonji-san? Valentine's Day is so far away … unless you're planning your honmei-choco recipe now? Or … am I getting ahead of myself? Just giri-choco then?"
"This isn't about me," Juumonji says, clearly ecstatic over this chaotic topic.
His head turns at an awkward angle. "So it has to be about me?"
"Pretty much,"
"Why?"
"I want to know your opinion. Ibara-chan might take it as an offence if I ask her," Juumonji teases.
For a moment, it's just that familiar sound of their bicycle chains clicking and tiny pebbles crunching under idly-rolling rubber tires. It occupies the space between the two until Satoshi lets out his own chuckle, but more than anything, it's to distract.
"She would probably sock you in the arm." He jokes.
"Probably," Juumonji answers. "I don't know anything about romance, though I am curious, as Eru would say." Juumonji continues then asks, "Do you think Eru and Oreki-kun make a good fit?"
"You mean like a couple?" Satoshi asks back. But even as the words leave his mouth, it sounds odd.
Juumonji gives him a solemn nod.
Satoshi lets out another chuckle — small and nervous — a contrast to her seriousness. "Are you going to set them up?"
"I can try. I have a sneaking suspicion that Oreki-kun has a crush on Eru. I can't know for certain, however —" Juumonji gives Satoshi a funny look. "— if I get the chance to read his palms, then maybe the future will tell me if they're meant to be or not."
Satoshi wants to make a gesture as if to say, 'Oh you and your fortune telling' but nevertheless doesn't. He isn't able to joke his way out of this situation.
"Ah," Satoshi says slowly, his smile dropping. He pushes his bike forward while his mind remains three paces back. "These sorts of things are hard to predict, aren't they? Uh … well, Houtarou and Chitanda-san being together … that depends."
"On what?" Juumonji asks, blinking behind her spectacles.
Satoshi's grin returns. He wants to tell the truth but to say it so blatantly would be rude, so he settles on saying it in cryptic.
"You can like someone all you want. But if that person doesn't like you back, then the relationship won't work, will it?"
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Satoshi can tell that Kaho Juumonji now looks forward to lunch. Not because of the promise of good food and experimental snacks, but more for the interactions between their friends. Earlier today, Juumonji had flashed a cheeky smirk at Satoshi the moment Eru had exchanged greetings with Houtarou.
The polite chit-chat is nothing out of the ordinary. It's not like Juumonji had witnessed the point where Houtarou and Chitanda's love story started, howbeit, of course, Juumonji supports Houtarou's infatuation with Chitanda.
It's not bad that Juumonji believes Houtarou is the guy for Chitanda. Satoshi does agree that ever since Houtarou came into contact with Chitanda, his motto has done a complete 180. But … according to Satoshi's knowledge of Houtarou and his collection of data on Chitanda, they don't particularly match.
(And he's not just saying this because of Mayaka's sudden interest in Houtarou, or because Satoshi himself likes Mayaka and wants to reject everything that revolves around Houtarou either.)
And yet, Satoshi spends a lot of time theorising with Juumonji. It's a nice distraction from his worrying thoughts revolving around Mayaka's need to dig into Houtarou's psyche. If anything, Satoshi hopes that through his own snooping, maybe he'll understand Houtarou, too, and overturn any hype Mayaka has towards his best friend.
It's funny … Satoshi is meddling for Mayaka's sake while Juumonji is going above and beyond for Chitanda. So far, he thinks none of them is right about Houtarou, Juumonji simply has an odd way of reading reality — but that's what makes her unique!
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xii
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"I solved the mystery."
Satoshi looks away from his homework and at Mayaka. His eyebrows furrow together at the sight of Mayaka's head hanging low. She's trying to hide her expression, but she's doing a lousy job.
"Sorry, which mystery?" Satoshi asks, momentarily lost by the enigma of why Mayaka looks torn.
"The one about Oreki," Mayaka replies and Satoshi swears he almost forgets to breathe. "I heard he's got a girlfriend. They met back when he studied at Kaburaya and I think they're still dating."
Satoshi can only stare at Mayaka as she continues speaking.
"She currently goes to Kamiyama. Do you know her, Fuku-chan? Her name's Asami Toba-san."
Satoshi eventually nods. It's all he can do.
Mayaka sweeps her hands in front of her, open-palmed before she locks them into closed fists. "You know, Oreki's a pretty private guy. He mostly exists, stays in his lane and reads his books. He doesn't say much, so nothing should surprise me, there's a whole lot I don't know about him. But … I do know that he's good at solving mysteries, that he can write poetry," She utters, slowly unclenching and ticking her fingers. "And that he's got a girlfriend."
"How can you be so sure about the last part?" Satoshi finally speaks up, shaken by how so terribly sad Mayaka sounded at the last point she made.
"Because I asked him." Mayaka utters, her voice going soft. "I asked about Toba-san and he told me what he did for her. That graduation piece ... Oreki went through hell for that girl and made a lot of people hate him in the process. You don't do that for just anyone. And you don't perform such a selfless act only to break-up later. Oreki must really like Toba-san."
"Wha —? Wait a minute. Wait. You don't know that,"
"I do though!"
"Mayaka, please, think this through."
"I have, and I thought Oreki and I were close! I really thought so, but —" She shakes her head. "I guess I was wrong. He doesn't tell me what's on his mind, much less these important things,"
"Maybe Houtarou doesn't tell you this stuff because it's insignificant to him and he didn't think twice about it," Satoshi replies, trying to intellectualise the scenario and Mayaka's emotions. However, the moment his words slip out, he knows he's said the wrong thing.
"Well, it's significant to me!" Mayaka shows that oh-so familiar stubbornness by grounding and insisting, "I'm not who I thought I was to Oreki. I'm not someone that he —! I'm not —!" She stumbles then says the next sentence as if it's the answer to everything that is wrong, "Fuku-chan, Oreki doesn't call me by my first name as he does with Toba-san."
Satoshi wants to say, 'I don't understand why this should be so important,' and yet, one look at Mayaka's face tells him it doesn't matter if he does. This isn't about him. This is about Houtarou and Mayaka.
Satoshi realises that he has no idea how Houtarou makes Mayaka feel. He hasn't got a clue. And he may never get it.
With that, Satoshi surrenders.
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If anything, Satoshi would say: it's not anyone's fault but Satoshi's that Mayaka doesn't know how he feels.
He thinks Mayaka is great. He tries not to treat her any differently than how he treats Chitanda and Juumonji — but it is an impossible task given that Mayaka Ibara is his special girl.
If it's worth anything, Satoshi is aware that he might be delusional. With Juumonji being his classmate and Chitanda making an effort to be a President who her club members can turn to, he is well aware that he talks to Mayaka the least.
Don't get him wrong, it's nice that Juumonji and Chitanda are available for idle chit-chat and long conversations, Satoshi likes getting to know them. However, as much as he thinks the two girls are a colourful pair; they're not Mayaka. The charm isn't the same.
Previously before Spring came last year, Satoshi had figured that he was her confidant. But now, as he lines up the list of people she cares about and how she calls them by name — Oreki, Chii-chan, Juu-chan, Fuku-chan — Satoshi realises he just might be the last person she'd ever turn to.
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By December, it has to be said: the same animosity Satoshi had toward Toogaito-senpai is aimed at Houtarou.
It turns out, even when he tries, Satoshi truly can't compete.
He used to think Houtarou Oreki was nothing but an average boy with a weird motto and the soul of an old man, but now, Satoshi believes he may be wrong. Now Satoshi wonders if he would know talent if it hit him in the face. What Satoshi had initially prided — his vast knowledge that made him a database, his collection of colourful objects, and his many hobbies — looked dull and boring in comparison.
If there's anyone in Satoshi's circle who will get far in life, then it would be Houtarou Oreki. Houtarou who's written poems and analyses and anthologies. Houtarou who's won third place in writing contests and subsequently helped them win the Wild Fire Cooking Competition as well. Houtarou who reads more books than anyone Satoshi knows.
Houtarou could easily obtain a long career in publishing. He could get the job without rubbing shoulders with Mayaka. It's like Houtarou belonged to a world of ink on paper. It was like that pathway was made just for him.
(Meanwhile, there's no way Satoshi could ever keep a steady momentum of interest and determination in such a thing. He burns himself too fast by doing too many things.)
It's no wonder Houtarou caught Mayaka's eye first. It's no wonder that they're able to pick up where they left off after years of separation. And …
Is it bad? It is so horrible for Satoshi to be jealous that Mayaka was Houtarou's friend before his? Just another thing Houtarou accomplished before Satoshi despite the tall boy taking things at a snail's pace.
Why is it that everywhere Satoshi turned, he feels that Houtarou is a much better fit?
(It turns out, jealousy isn't enough of a motivator.)
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Notes 1: When Juumonji asked Satoshi, "Do you think Eru and Oreki-kun would make a good fit?" and Satoshi said, "It depends," I almost made him say, "It depends on Asami Toba-san," which would no doubt assassinate Satoshi's character. That's such a cruel thing to say. But, my God, my brain just had to give me an option for that route. I would never make him say it, but I was so close to considering it.
We as readers are not given an answer about if Houtarou and Asami Toba dated in middle school. If they did, then we're not given info of when they 'dated', so the 'break-up' could be fresh and I think that ambiguity is beautiful. The potential for that in a storyline is gold and spicy! So much flavour!
Notes 2: In HoutarouMayaka shipping universe, I envision their couple motto to be "her presence is unavoidable" as opposed to Houtarou saying Chitanda is someone he can't ignore. In canon, Houtaroua and Mayaka have known each other for eleven years (I'm counting second-year of high school in the books) and he can't get rid of her now!
I'd like to think, in this AU, due to Houtarou not seeing Mayaka's strong pursuits for Satoshi, Houtarou isn't as afraid of romance as he originally is.
— 16 June 2023