Chapter 24
After the tea, it took days for the mood in the house to alter.
Victor stuck to his study when he was not out on business. It was clear he was bruised and angry about what was happening and how Caroline was blocking him from changing anything. It felt a long time ago the two of them had danced warmly and tenderly at Kayla's party. Their room had taken on a frosty feel at night, and Caroline had seen fit to sleep in a guest room more than once.
She was not changing her stance though. If the children wanted to take the trip… She would not stop them.
But that was not enough to reassure Kimberly, who felt as if she had been waiting for this day as long as Roman had been planning it, which was not quite the case. It didn't stop the way she was feeling though…
And there was something within her which was sure something would go wrong and that something would be Victor.
"You know in the end he is going to find us and bring us back. I think we can get mama on our side if we just say we are going to go back to the states for a bit – is that not the better course of action?" asked Kimmie as she looked at Roman, one afternoon – to just be honest. She knew he had worried Kayla was going to leak what they were doing. But she had been water tight.
As for herself, she knew Roman had had a lot of time to think through there going but she just hoped he had not had too much time and that she herself was not now over thinking it.
Roman though shook his head. "Even if he finds us when we're with Pop, what does it matter? We're not five anymore sis. And mama isn't blocking us. Lets not try to fix things that aren't broken."
X x x
It took Bo a while to seek out Kayla after the tea. Normally the two of them would have chatted about it soon after it happened but as it was, it seemed as if they were on different sides of the debate. Bo was with his father on this one, whereas Kayla seemed to have crossed some sort of line and for the first time ever it felt to him as if she was more Kayla and Roman's sister than his own. He had never felt – or at least very rarely felt – that when it came to him and the sister he was closest to that it mattered that they didn't share a father.
Now he wondered if he had been wrong.
Knowing that Kayla was going to be going away soon, he sought her out.
He needed to talk to her.
Bo had to admit the closer this trip got the more he did not like the sound of it, for it felt as if all of them were going but him. He knew Justin was going to be staying at home with the rest of them – and he knew this was where he was being out of order – but somehow he did not count.
They said it was because he was too young but he did not buy it – there was something else going on. He just did not know what it was.
In the end, though he had wanted her to be the one who had the courage to start the conversation, it seemed as if it was not going to happen. So this time it was up to him.
He headed to her room and when he got there he wished he had not, for the first thing he saw when he walked in was that she was packing up to go – and so that just made him feel more on the outskirts of all of this, whatever it was.
One day the trip had been announced. Now they were packing to go.
"Hi," he said as he tapped on the door and drew her attention. "Can I come in?" he asked and he did not know why he was doing that – the two of them did not normally feel as if they needed to stand on ceremony together.
"It is not like you to ask baby brother." She said to him with a smile as she tried to ignore the weird sensation that said there was ice to be broken between the two of them for the first time in their lives.
He wondered in.
"Are you ok?" Kayla asked. She did not want him to not be ok when she was gone.
He was the one she felt the need to protect.
"I wish the three of you were waiting just a bit longer to go on this trip – I want to come with you." He said plainly as he sat on Kayla's bed. He had to admit he had felt rather pushed to one side for a change and he did not know if he liked it - in fact he knew he didn't. That was why he had come here.
"I know it must seem tough on you," she said as she took a break from her packing and sat down next to him and she was sure it was. She was sure she would not like them all going off without her.
She would feel as if she was being left out – but he was Victor's son and they weren't his children. That was why it had to be her, Kimberly and Roman who were doing this. This was about finding out what had gone on with their father.
Yet, she was not going to say that for the had never acknowledge the divide. And as long as it was just the two of them, she was never ever going to do that. They were brother and sister and that was what mattered.
That was almost why she had tried to creep around the villa like a mouse since the tea. She did not like conflict and she did not like the way she knew she might be making members of her family feel.
"I just do not think I get why now. Why are you guys rushing to do this when we could all go in a couple of years?"
"You know what Roman is like when he gets a bee in his bonnet," she said as she swallowed and looked at her knew her big brother was not going to mind if she shifted the blame on to him. What he was going to mind was their cover being blown.
But she had the feeling that that was not cutting much mustard.
"Maybe next year – when you come of age – we can plan a trip together."
She was sure she was going to be able to do with a proper holiday then – and it was not as if she was not going to be able to come back.
Still Bo did not look as if that was an entirely comforting thought but he did not suppose he was going to be able to stop this – and a trip next year did sound pretty good.
Yet there was a fire in him and it said she was not being entirely honest with him and he hated that. It was against her nature to be secretive. Or so he had thought.
"Yeah," he shrugged. "Maybe."
x x x
Caroline wondered down the hall way.
She was not sure what she wanted to say altogether but she did know she wanted to see her eldest son on his own before he and the girls went on their big adventure. She felt as if she needed too.
Her hands fiddled with the pearls around her neck as she wondered down to his room. She knew it was silly – he was her boy. She had given him life and she had no need to be nervous.
But this felt as if years of miscommunication was between the two of them – years of her not telling him what she should have done long ago.
And now she wanted the two of them to talk and she did not know if she had that right any more. Probably not.
She knocked on the door.
"Come in," he called and she did so.
It always struck her how plain this room was - whereas all of the others were messy characters, with lots of stuff in their room, having accumulated over the years, this son of hers was a tidy sort with very small use for material positions. He never had, though what he did have, he treasured. The train track he had brought from America was still in his room, sitting on the window ledge. You could described it as spartan, she thought to herself, his room.
It occurred to her that he had never let him make a home for himself here and she was so sad for him – but completely unsurprised.
On his bed was a suit case which he was packing methodically.
And it might just be her but she was sure her baby boy had the look of a man who was well on the way to meeting his destiny. She sighed, not knowing when he had grown. How had she missed it?
"I just wanted to see if there is anything you need," she said to him.
"No thank you Ma – I think I am ready for my trip." He said smiling politely at her.
She nodded. "I am sure you are. I think this is wonderful what you're doing, taking your sisters – I am sure all three of you are going to have the trip of a life time."
He looked at her and for just a moment he wanted to knock down all the walls and share with her all the wonderful things that they were going to do. He wanted to ask her if she wanted to come with them but then he remembered she had made her choice long ago. He no longer knew how his father felt about his mother and he did not want to risk anything which might muddy waters which should be clear. Clear for himself and his siblings. This time it was his turn to be selfish he thought.
"I promise I am going to take care of the two of them."
"Roman, I do not worry over that – I know you will. I just want to know you'll look after yourself as well."
He nodded solemnly.
It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her more for it was clear she knew. This was no casual trip. And she did not believe they were off to Europe. And he had a feeling she knew what he was doing but was not going to stop him.
"Well as long as you do," she sighed not knowing what more to say. There was so much more to say – she just could not access it.
She gave a nod, as if to say she was off now but had to say she was rather delighted when he called her back.
"I want to thank you for sticking up for us with Victor, mama." He had no reason to think she had except the fact the two of them had not been blocked from doing this and it occurred to him that was enough for him to believe she had, added to the general mood in the houses of late. And he did not think he was just saying thank you for what she had done that day as he knew no matter whatever else she was, she had never been his step father's creature. Not entirely, anyway. When it had come to it, she had always done all she could for them.
It felt to her as if it was a betrayal to accept her son's thanks but there was not a lot else she could do.
"I do not know if you are going to believe this but it does all come out of a place of love for you all. He wants to protect you." He had been, or tried to be, a father to them for so long whether they had wanted him or not after all.
Roman thought she was right. He did not believe that.
"He's not a bad man."
Deep down Roman knew Victor was looking out for himself, trying to protect himself and the life and family he had stolen for himself.
Roman didn't reply.
"Well you have my blessing and my god wishes – and I hope you are going to have a wonderful trip. And maybe if you do another one next year you can go with Justin and Bo as well."
So she was trying to pretend that she did not know. That took her back down in his estimation. It was such a shame.
"Perhaps, mother."
Part of him wanted to take a bite out of her for playing ignorant, yet a separate part of him was grateful to her, for she was playing along and not making this harder than it had to be.
He knew the two of them were not going to get a lot more time on their own before he went back to America – this was not the time for anger any more – he had been bitter for long enough.
And there was something which he had wanted to ask her for a long time.
So, whether he had a high opinion of his mother or not right then he knew he could not let this chance go.
"Mama, can I ask you something?"
She nodded for she had seen something behind his eyes shut back down when she had said what she had and that had been the last thing she had wanted to do when she had come here. What she wanted was something along the other end of the scale.
"You can ask me anything."
"Why did you call Bo, Bo?" he asked.
It was not as if it was a Greek name and it was not one which fitted in, he felt with the family he was in. It was something altogether different and he had always felt as if it had marked his baby brother out somewhat in a way his father did not approve of.
She shook her head. "It was just a name I always liked," she lied. The truth was It had been Shawn's fancy for them to call a son that.
"I never really thought about it at the time for I was far too young, but the older I got…"
So there was no longer any denying it. For years she had wanted to stop.
She sat on the bed and took a deep breathe. Years had gone by in which she had wanted to tell him the truth so many times. Maybe it was time for that.
She looked in to his eyes and sighed. Yes – at last they had come to the truth.
"Well – the truth of it is – the real truth, was that it was a name your father – and I am not talking about Victor, liked – and I wanted to honour him in some way. Feel as if there was the smallest way in which I was still loyal to him." She shook her head. "My life has been a catalogue of mistakes but I made one when I was young I never forgave myself for."
Roman stepped outside of his own head for a while and there he saw his mother as she was – not as the wicked witch who he had cast her as too often but as the women she said she was – the one who had made mistake after which she had paid.
And he could see she was still paying.
He sat at her side.
"I know you must think I am terrible and wicked for the lies I told. The truth is I do not know how any of you can bare to look at me as it is right now – but I do love you – and I loved your father. I think you – I know you understand far more than I think you know, and you've worked out far more than you think I would want you too." She said and he knew she had stolen what he had.
"I was young – I did not know who I was and I felt I was making the right choice to keep all of you children together and from harm. If I could go back and make different choices, it is very important to me that you know I would."
He nodded. He knew that.
"What harm could my father cause us?" he asked and she looked up at him, with a tear streaking down her cheek.
"None at all."
There were things the two of them needed to discuss. But this was not the time, or the place.
"I do not think you are terrible," he said to her and was glad to see that put a smile on her face – but it saddened him as well.
"Mother, I hope one day we can talk – honestly."
She nodded. "I hope so too. But I think before we do that, you need to go to Europe."
Their eyes met.
"I think so too."
Please review!
S: Imagine my reaction when I realised Bo's name reared its ugly head again! (I wrote this chapter in draft form a while back!) Hopefully this explanation works better.
The relationship between Victor and Caroline is something I am going to dig into as time goes on. In fact all the relationships highlighted in particular this chapter and the next will get a spotlight on when we get to the fallout. The relationships and chapters feel, even to me, I must admit a bit all over the place but I think that's right given the level of conflict within the story. I like writing messy feelings and there is certainly a lot of those!