Chapter 43 - If You Love Me Do It Gently And I Will Do The Same
Rosalie's POV
I just kept talking. Almost word vomiting kind of talking so that I didn't have to think about the words or the emotional trauma that they always bring. I told Amber more about myself, my childhood, and the tragic events of my turning than I have ever revealed to anyone before.
As I take a last shuttering breath as I come to a close I metaphorically hold my breath as I wait for Amber's reaction.
Amber is still for a long time before she goes to move like she is going to take a step towards me with her arms coming out like she is going to hold me, but before she can actually make a full movement she puts her arms down with a grimace as she takes a step back and that's when I knew.
I knew that I had been wrong. That Amber can't be my mate. She is disgusted by my past and she can't even bring her self to touch me because she now knows that I am forever tainted.
Amber's POV
Shock. Shock and then anger. Shock that Rosalie had been keeping such an overwhelming thing under wraps. Pure anger over the fact that those barbaric animals would do something so unspeakable to such a precious soul. And then disgusted that I couldn't save the love of my life.
I wanted to wrap Rose I'm my arms and shelter her from every bad thing in this world. To reassure myself and to know that she was still here and that she was safe. I wanted to emind her that she will always be loved.
Though from experience with Nancy I know that touching someone while they are reliving trauma little on an assault isn't the best thing to do in the moment.
I briefly flashed back to Nancy the first time that she retold the story about the day her boyfriend took things too far in that park. It was a few months after the incident and I will never forget the look of fear that overcame her face and how I ended up with a bruised jaw when I tried to pull her into a one armed hug. I didn't realize that a person that has live through that kind of trauma can react violently to physical touch. I felt horrible when I realized that instead of comfort all I did was add to her sensory overload.
That's why I regretfully put my arms down, realizing that while my love was reliving these traumatic events that I may do more harm than good. I will always put those I love before my own comforts and wants. After all isn't that what love is? Sacrifice
Rosalie's POV
After the shock had somewhat wore off I was still barely able to collect myself enough to speak. In a broken whisper I find myself saying weakly "I can't do this anymore."
"I've been trying for so long. Pretending that this is working and that we can make this work, but I now know that I'm only fooling myself."
It's in those words that I realize the truth. I had been wanting and waiting for my mate for such a long time that I had essentially forced this relationship.
I took all of my desires and loneliness and created this fantasy. I latched onto the first person that saw past my beauty and created this fantasy. A fantasy that I would finally get my happily ever after.
Amber's POV-
In a broken voice I could clearly hear my love say the 5 words that I know will haunt me for the rest of my life.
"I can't do this anymore."
I was about to say that we can get through this. To tell Rose that our love will get us through this, but before I could utter any reassurances Rosalie shattered any hope that I may of had left.
"I've been trying for so long. Pretending that this is working that we can make this work, but I now know that I'm only fooling myself."
I try to play ignorant, like I didn't know that Rosalie hadn't just told me that she has been having doubts. A hell of a lot more doubts than I even realized. I know that my job and lifestyle was a hard adjustment, but I was convinced that we had worked pasted all of the huge obstacles by now. That we had talked through all of the things that would have derailed us and we were on the road to being able to adapt and figure it out...weren't we?
With my hand inside of my pants pocket my fingers traced the little wooden box that I hoped would be bringing us into our next chapter together. As I clutched it in a bruising grip I realize that this isn't a fairytale, this is real life. Real life where the good guys don't always win and that the good die young. The real world where I had learned the hard way that life is hardly ever fair and the only beauty that's found is often only the tragic kind.
It doesn't matter that I would have given up my upcoming re-enlistment opportunity. I would walk away from my job and my purpose for the woman standing before me. I would give it all up because I knew that the woman in front of me was my life, and my future.
None of it mattered because she doesn't want a forever with me. I guess when you're immortal you see things differently.
Maybe I should be thankful that she gave me what she had. I can't fault her for not wanting to create a life with me.
I mean a lifetime is one thing. But forever is a long time. And I would rather have my heart shattered now than in another year or 10 when she realizes that what we have just isn't a forever kind of love.
I steeled myself and I forced my voice to not quiver as I tried to give what my love needed as I said "You're right."
With those words Rosalie was gone in an instant and it felt like there was a hole in my chest as the love of my life took my heart with her.
As I regained my senses and I finally felt like I could actually get some air into my lungs I realized that my heart was shattered. Reality seemed to crash around me as I came to terms with my new life. A life without Rosalie.
And there it was.
I always knew this is how we would end up. In the back of my mind I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Nothing good ever stays and people will always leave you.
I didn't realize how frozen I have become until I heard my phone's shrill ringtone. Hearing the first bell of the ringtone had jarred me out of my darker thoughts that I had been having.
Picking it up from the snow covered ground I realized that the screen was almost completely shattered. I'm actually surprised that it's actually working with how damaged it looks.
I suddenly realize that I have a smile on my face when I realize that my overzealous and passionate girlfriend broke my phone, because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.
I'm startled at the fact that I am still referring to Rosalie as the love of my life as if the last 20 minutes never happened.
But honestly, had it changed anything? Did Rose's past change my love for her or did the fact that my job is sort of in the way of our future?
As I stand there in the snow staring at my phone I realize that...no it doesn't.
I still love that crazy infuriating woman with every fiber of my being. This roadblock that we've come to isn't going to be a problem. All we have to do it talk it all out. It's not like I was considering extending my contract and enlisting for another 4 years this time. Not when the alternative of a fresh start with Rose was the alternative.
With a sigh of relief I know that when Rosalie calms down we can talk it all out and then we can start the next chapter of our love story.
With that conclusion I answer my phone.
Rosalie's POV
I ran and I just kept running. Eventually once I regained some of my situational awareness I realized that I was somewhere in the middle of the Artic Circle. If my clothes being frozen solid is any indication I can only assume that at some point I had entered into the Arctic Ocean.
My bracelet catches my attention as it seems to glow under the northern lights.
It was the bracelet that Amber gave me after we officially became girlfriends.
As I traced the intricate designs carved into its surface Amber's words reverberate inside of my head.
Amber's love and reassurances that we can and will make it through any problems as long as we lean on each other and our love.
Our whole relationship we've had misunderstandings and we have had our fair share of fights, but we've overcome all of them. We both have been willing to talk things out and make us and our love last even though it's hard work and communication isn't always our strong suit.
With my decision made and with one last look at my bracelet I know what I have to do.
And with thoughts of my love tugging me back to Alaska I run as fast as I'm able to back to the Denali's house.
With a renewed hope I know that as long as we're willing to work on our communication, we can get through this.
Amber's POV
My phone lasted long enough for me to get orders to report back to Eielson, A.F.B. and then it literally broke apart in my hand.
Most of Sweden had been rocked by an 8.2 earthquake and there are thousands missing so everyone has been called in. With this severe of natural disaster those numbers are sure to skyrocket within the next day or so once they are able to get a survey of the damage.
The irony isn't lost on me that instead of being able to talk things out with Rosalie "the problem" is quite literally stealing me away, again.
I just sincerely hope that this letter that I just poured my heart out into will be enough to soothe my distraught girl and then we can talk over everything when she's ready.
I pulled out the wooden box from my pocket and I pulled out it's contents and with a lingering kiss I placed it into the center of the letter and enclosed it inside as I folded the letter into thirds.
After placing it on the dresser I mentally ran through my checklist in my head of everything I needed to do before I left.
With a final glance at the letter that holds all of the my love and hopes, I take a deep breath as I make my way out of the Denali's house.
I may be leaving with uncertainty in my heart but also a knowledge that this isn't the end, this is just a speed bump on our way to forever.
What I failed to realize was that I didn't secure the letter well enough and as I closed the bedroom door, that letter, the letter that literally held my fate within its contents, fell behind the dresser.
While it lays hidden in the darkness it will forever rob me of any hope of happiness in this life.