Chapter 50 - I Can't Keep Losing Sleep Dreaming About A Life Where We Work Out
Amber's POV
After we left Shaw Air Force Base Mike and I decided to take the offered leave and go home for a few weeks. I was sad to see Mike leave and head back home while the rest of us went to Texas, but we all knew that he should spend some time with his family, even though all hell would break loose when they found out about his re-enlistment.
Charlotte and Peter left me to take a nap while they went out hunting.
I rubbed at my chest with my right hand as I carried by backpack out to my cabin.
I had been doing that a lot lately. Rationally I knew that there wasn't anything wrong with my heart, but that never stopped the almost constant ache that I felt in my heart.
I already knew what this ache was, broken heart syndrome.
I know, I know. It sounds made up, but that doesn't change the fact that that was what I was experiencing.
With my extensive experience with loss I already knew that broken heart syndrome was very very real.
This ache and pain was more intense than any of the other 'attacks' that I've had throughout the years.
This felt more in line with the fictional Hanahaki Disease. The one where people who have the unfortunate luck to experience unrequited love. It causes the person to cough up flowers and petals from a plant growing in their lungs. The flowers will eventually grow large enough to make breathing difficult. The longer the unrequited love lasts the bigger the plant grows until death in inevitable.
I haven't told anyone that I've been having these pains in my chest. I didn't need everyone giving me more pity, because I can't keep a relationship from crashing and burning.
Most importantly though, I won't worry Mike, Charlotte, and Peter...well worry them any more than I know I already am.
There's nothing that they'll be able to do. I just have to learn to accept this. Rosalie and I just weren't meant to be. I need to accept that and move on. If only my heart would listen.
I throw my bag onto the highbacked chair as I continue to rub at my chest. A noise startles me as I spin around to find none other than the object of my inner conflict...Rosalie.
I stood there frozen for what seemed like days as she gives me a tentative hesitant smile.
With an unsure voice Roaslie says "Carmen found this 2 days ago. So I've only known about it for less than a day." She tries to explain to me through the foggy haze that my brain seems to be under as she waves a piece of paper in front of her.
It's a letter I finally realize.
...It's 'The' letter. The one I left behind on the dresser all those months and weeks ago. It takes a few minutes for my brain to catch up to what I was being told.
Rosalie didn't see my letter? She didn't know that I was giving her space? That I only stayed away, because I was trying to allow her the space that she obviously wanted and needed?
Rosalie take a small step forward and I immediately take a step back. The irony that this is a reminiscent of our early days of our acquaintance isn't lost on me.
"I didn't know! You have to believe me!" Rosalie desperately begs me.
She continues to ramble "I thought that you just left. That after I told you about my past that you couldn't stand to touch me. That you didn't want me. When we found your note in the kitchen we all thought that that was your way of breaking up. I had no idea that you had left me this letter. That you were waiting on me. Giving me the time and space to realize what I truly want...when all along the only thing that I ever wanted...was you."
Rose pauses as she takes a breathe, "I thought that there had to of been a misunderstanding...I had hoped that there was one. We thought that you got called away for work, but then we heard that you weren't working, you were on leave."
Rosalie takes a shuttering breathe and I can hear the heartbreak in her voice as she continues, "The night my siblings and I saw you on the sidewalk laughing and carrying on like nothing was wrong almost shattered me. To see that you were continuing on with your life while I felt like my world was crumbling and falling in around me, was almost too much for me to bear.
You had obviously moved on, or so I thought. So, I realized that I had to accept that you didn't want me anymore...that you didn't love me anymore." Rosalie's voice cracked on those last two sentences.
"I tried to accept it and move on, but I just couldn't. When this letter was found it was like a beacon in the darkest of nights. It proved that all of this isn't what it seemed and that our love would and could work out...that is if I'm not too late." Rosalie stood there after her speech. Not moving a muscle as she seemed to be waiting for my verdict.
Could I do this? Did I want to do this?
This was everything that I had been wanting, but could I risk my heart?
My brain was in overdrive as I thought everything over.
The main point was that this was all a misunderstanding. We both assumed things and in doing so we both broke each other's hearts.
I held Rosalies unwavering gaze as I realized that
My heart wasn't mine anymore. It belonged to this wonderfully infuriating woman standing before me as soon as she walked into my life.
There was still a lot of hurt and confusion, but I was willing to work through the mess if it was going to be Rosalie and I loving each other and getting to live out our happy ending on the other side together.
Rosalie must have seen the answer in my eyes, because in the next moment I had my arms full of Rosalie. She hesitates before lifting up on her tip toes as she slowing leaned in for a kiss.
Rosalie and I kiss and I feel the spark like a lightning strike straight to my heart.
I wake up with shock and a pounding heart as I almost fell off the bed with how fast I sat up in my delirious state.
After a few moments I realize that my heart rate won't be slowing down anytime soon and breathing has become a real issue at this point.
I swing myself to the side of the bed so that my feet are on the floor as I try and get a hold of myself. It really did feel like I had Hanahaki Disease as I started to cough uncontrollably as I tried in vain to get air into my lungs.
After what felt like hours, but was more like minutes I finally managed to take huge lung fulls of air.
After a few minutes with my hands on head leaning over the bed with my face in my knees I couldn't stop the sobs as they tore through my body.
Peter's POV
The past few weeks have been amazing. The four of us have truly become a real family.
We all still worried about Amber. None of us were ignorant to the fact that she was truly and whole heartedly heartbroken.
From my experience with having lived for a few centuries I know that time really does help you to heal. Time won't fix it, but time gives you enough space to work through it.
Charlotte and I let loose some of fears and worries over our family out on eachother. The tree and boulder that aided us didn't last past the first round of our love making.
After a few hours of releasing and relishing in our passion and love for one another we go off to find some food.
Running into the city where we were going to steal some old blood bags from local hospital, we stumble up 3 men stratagizing about how to rape and murder the woman that caught their fancy that night.
Charlotte and I were braced up on the rooftop ready to lunge, but before either Charlotte or I could jump onto the group a blur slammed into the group of men knocking them out cold.
The blur looks up and flashes us a sly grin. Charlotte reacts first and jumps onto the newcomer hugging him tightly.
"Lex! It's been way too long!" Charlotte exclaims while hugging him tightly. Within the next second I steal Lex and give him a bear hug. Almost shouting with just as much exuberancead as my wife "Lexi, it's fantastic to see you!"
After we all break apart Lex gives us both a wide grin as he gestures to the murdering rapists as he says, "bon appétit."
After disposing of the scum we all make our way back home. On the way back we fill in Lex about our new additions to the family.
As we make it home we stumble upon Amber who from the looks of it just got done swimming in the lake.
As predicted Lexi and Amber hit it off like 2 peas in a pod. It warms my cold dead heart to see Amber laughing and carrying on. From the sweet smile that Charlotte has on her face I know that she feels the same way. That Amber may not be okay right now, but she will be.
Rosalie's POV
I've been standing out on the porch so long that the sun shining down has warmed my cold hard skin.
Under normal circumstances this would be one of my favorite past times. Now though? It's comforting and heartbreaking at the same time.
Granted everything these days seems to leave my heart hurting. That's what lead me to moving into the small cottage on the other side of the family's property here in Montreal, Canada.
It was an amazing piece of property with a huge main house with lots of land and trees. It was heavenly, but I just couldn't stand to be around everyone else. To be surrounded by couples was distressing enough, but all of the looks of pity were the final straw.
I love my family and I know that they mean well, but it all is just too much right now.
Which brought me to the small house on the edge of the other side of the property.
It was a beautiful home with a huge wrap around porch. It was a cozy home with a wonderful layout. The living room was by far the biggest room with a fireplace as a focal point. The house was meant to be lived in.
The kind of house that I had dreamed of when I was still human. This would have been the type of home I would have loved to have moved into after returning from my honeymoon.
As a human, before I had met Royce, I wanted nothing more than to live the typical fairytale. To find a wonderful person to become my everything and they would cherish me in turn. A truly wonderful love affair where we would love each other unconditionally. We would get married and move into a small charming home where our love would bloom and grow. And when the time came we would build onto our drean home where we would raise our children amongst our ever growing love.
Standing on this porch I can almost picture a life that could have been.
I can picture 3 little chubby cheeked children running around the field. I would swear that I could hear their high pitched giggles as Amber chases after our children. I can feel myself start to laugh at my adorable wife as she became too distracted with smiling and waving at me to watch where she was running as she fell face first into the grass. The kids chose that moment to pounce and jump on their Mother.
I'm startled out of my daydream as I feel a tear fall onto my hand that's holding onto the railing.
It was only just a dream. You would think that I would be use to having these types of daydreams, but they just feel like cruel nightmares...dreams of a life where we work out.
What I need is to create new memories in this house. Hopefully by doing so they can drown out these haunted nightmares of wishful thinking.
I'll call Alexander (Lex), it wouldn't be the first time that we "played" house.
Not that it was anything serious, well it's never been truly serious with anyone besides Amber.
Every few decades Alexander and I "pretended' to be married, well to everyone outside the family we were married, but in actuality we were living together as we cassually dated.
Lex has always had an ability to bring warmth and joy to anything he touches. Something that my heart has needed since my turning.
It was easy between us. We could easily fall into a compatible comfortability. It was easy to pretend that we were normal for awhile.
We would casually date and have romantic excursions and then after awhile put it aside and still remain great friends.
Sometimes being married helped with pursuing jobs, at least for me.
The first time Lex and I got together was around the 50s and I wanted to open up a mechanic shop, but being a woman at that time that wasn't going to happen.
Lex, who had been visiting at the time, had the idea for us to open a shop together. The problem was that unfortunately without the cover of us being "married" the town of Orson, Indiana would have boycotted my shop.
It did work and Lex and I fell into a routine. Evey few decades I would get the itch to open a restaurant, a clothing shop, an autobody shop, or anything else that passed my fancy and at the same time we would cease to be lonely and mateless for awhile.
It worked to pacify the locals into thinking I was a 'respectable married lady' and gave us a periodical relief from the boredom and loneliness that a life without a mate gave to the both of us.
Lex and I both knew that we weren't mates, but we gave each other comfort and a sense of normalcy that makes a great balm for the heart of a vampire's long lonely existence of a life.
I wouldn't say that we were ever in love, but we cared deeply for one another. And we have both leaned on each other through our different traumas and loneliness.
I don't know if we will go back to our old ways of dating, but I do know that having him around will help me tremendously.
Amber's POV
Texas with the family is just what I needed. Well what I needed was to not feel this exquisite pain. That isn't going to happen so it's now become a chronic pain that I'm learning to deal with.
It was a surprise when Peter and Charlotte brought home a red eyed vampire, but it was a welcome distraction.
Alexander had lived through multiple centuries and had seen so much and had the best stories of his adventures and shenanigans.
My favorite ones revolved around the Peter, Charlotte, and himself. The year that they spent looking for sunken shipwrecks or the time that they, and by they I actually mean Peter and Alexander, decided to see who could touch the Royal Cown Of England first.
Story after story of their fun and wild adventures. It made me look forward to a future where Mike and I would be added into these types of stories.
Alexander or "Lexi" is a wonderful guy. He's such a warm and happy person. He exuberated a warm that drew you in. You could call that his 'gift' if you could actually call it an ability. It really was just his personality.
He just radiated warmth and love and it was so contagious.
I could feel it starting to seal off some of the cracks in my broken heart, that have been an ever present companion since my parents died so long ago.
Texas seemed like a good idea, well that was until we asked Lex if he wanted to visit Washington State with us.
That's when we found out that he would be unable to stay and that we would have to part with his companionship, because he was due in Montreal.
Charlotte had tried to persuade him to at least stay for a few days, but I stopped breathing with his next words, "I would love to Charlotte, I really would, but like I told you I'm due in Montreal. I have a lady waiting. Rosalie wants to play house again and if I'm late she'll make me take her last name this time around. And Hale just doesn't hold the same kind of pizzazz as Hughes."
I was vaguely aware of the concerned looks that Peter and Charlotte quickly threw my way as Peter made sure to make Lexi promise to keep their new human sister a secret from everyone.
In the back of my head I was relieved that my brother was making sure that he kept his promise to not let the Cullen's know about our relationship and family bond.
Lex was long gone by the time that I was able to regain my faculties.
Peter and Charlotte could only hug me as I cried over another stab to my heart.
My voice was barley above a whisper as it cracked as I broken heartedly said, "It really is over. We aren't mates and we never had a future, did we?"
Peter and Charlotte only held me tighter as their only response.
It wasn't like this was a new revelation, but that didn't mean that it still didn't hurt like hell.