AN/ I know it's been almost à year since the last update. I had a busy year and I hope you will still be on.board with that story.
Jax help me.once again, so thanks to her yiu have this new chapter quicker.
Read, review and enjoy!
...
« Mama ! I have something to tell you! » Sophia said with excitement, bouncing on her chair as her mother was just getting back home after a long day at work.
It had been two days since Sofia had flown to Seattle and Callie was already missing her terribly.
« One second Mija ! Let me just grab a chair and a bottle of water and I am all yours. »
She was still living at the hotel, not having found a place near to Sofia's school and the hospital she was currently working at.
And she knew what her daughter was about to tell her, but she would act as if she didn't know.
She was a little stressed but apparently the little girl seemed happy.
« I'm going to have a baby ! No ! Mommy is going to have two babies ! They are in her belly, and they will be my sisters! » Sofia squealed. « I am a big sister ! Like Zola ! »
« Oh ! Wow ! That's a big news ! Congratulations baby girl ! You are going to be the most amazing big sister ! » Callie said, faking excitment and hiding her sadness. « Are you happy ? How is Mommy doing ? »
« I'm so happy Mama ! I wish you were here with us to celebrate ! » Sofia half pouted. « Mommy is really happy too, but she cried a little. She's just in the kitchen. You want to talk to her ? »
« Oh, no Mija, I don't think she... »
but before Callie could end her sentence, Sofia was already walking to Arizona who wasn't really keen on talking to her ex wife right now. « Sofia, Mommy must be busy, and I want to talk with you. » Callie said trying to stop her daughter.
« Mommy, Mama wants to talk to you. »
Arizona almost choked on the water she was drinking when Sofia tried to hand her the phone. But it was too late to escape and she gulped when Callie's face appeared on the screen that her daughter had just thrust in her face.
« Hi... » She said awkwardly as she took the phone.
« Hey... » Callie replied, as awkwardly as her ex wife, wiping away the tear she felt in the corner of her eye, as Sofia left the room.
« So she took the news very well... » Callie continued. « She's excited. That's... That's great... »
« Yeah... » Arizona replied, too stunned to say anything else.
« It's... I'm... I'm happy for the both of you... » Callie said, trying to hide the break in her voice. « She's going to be a great big sister. »
Arizona was suddenly back with the feelings she had experienced when she was on the plane taking her back to Seattle after their weekend in Miami. She knew Callie was really trying to hide her emotions as well, and apparently she was managing it better than her.
Seeing her for the first time since their emotional goodbye was enough to bring tears to her eyes.
« So, Sofia told me everything about your week with your family. She talked so much and was so excited to meet her grandmother, sounded like they really bonded. » The blonde started rambling to avoid any awkward silences. « I'm very happy for her, and for you. I hope you got what you were looking for. »
« I don't know. » was Callie simple answer.
« What's that supposed to mean ? » Arizona asked in disbelief. After all she had done, Callie was still not satisfied ?
« I don't think you want to hear about that. And I'm not sure I want to talk about it with you now. » Callie said, trying to remain calm but her quivering lip was showing her distress.
« So it has something to do with me ? Really ? Your parents found out we were faking it and now for reasons I'm not sure I can understand, you are mad at me ? » Arizona scoffed.
« I'm not mad at you. And no, my parents bought it all. They think we are happier than we have never been, and they can't stop talking about how brave, caring and amazing you are... » Callie replied harsher than she meant to.
« So what's the problem ? If you have something to say, just say it ? You're regretting our deal regarding Sofia's custody ? Because if it's that's the case I'm... »
« Arizona ! Shut up ! Please ! » Callie snapped a she rubbed her temple nervously. The conversation was spiralling out of control and she had to stop it before it went any further.
« Are you kidding me ? Who are you to tell me to shut up ! You know what ? I will try to be civil to you, for Sofia, but if you can't even stand talking to me once in a while, well I guess I'd better hang up ! » Arizona snapped too.
Both women looked at each other for a while, not understanding why the other one had reacted the way they had. Callie was trying not to break down. The woman she loved seemed so mad at her and felt so far away.
« That's not what I meant, I'm sorry. » Callie said. « You are not getting it and it's understandable. »
« Callie, I don't know what you want me to say or what you are trying to say to me... » Arizona replied, at a loss.
« You are pregnant... » Callie almost whispered, her voice cracking « You are pregnant, and I need time to... to process the news, okay ? »
Arizona opened her mouth to reply bitterly but was stopped when she realised she totally understood Callie's words. Her face softened, feeling the inner turmoil her ex wife seemed to be undergoing.
« I have to go... » Arizona mumbled, avoiding Callie's sad gaze. « I … I 'll tell Sofia to call you tomorrow. Bye. »
And with that Callie was left in front of black screen, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.
…
It was too hard to keep everything inside. Even if she had always been a master when it came to plastering a fake smile on her face when her world was falling apart, today she couldn't keep it up.
Maybe it was the hormones playing with her, maybe it was just the pregnancy that was making her emotional.
No it was deeper than that.
After her quick conversation with her ex wife and all the mixed up feelings she had detected in Callie's sad eyes, she was torn.
She was having so many confusing emotions, she was total mess.
She was angry, sad, and had some weird guilt feelings, she was totally bewildered.
And she was scared. She was suddenly wondering if her choice to have another child, well as it turns out, there would two little lives arriving, was just a selfish whim.
Had she reacted stupidly to her fear of loosing Sofia by being sure to have one child nobody would take away from her ?
Right now, she was feeling totally unable to take responsibility for raising two children.
She had made that choice and she would be depriving her own children of having two parents.
All these dark thoughts were running through her mind and she was unable to focus on anything.
She was trying to find a patient chart on her tablet but apparently the machine wasn't ready to give her what she needed.
She was becoming more and more frustrated when Bailey joined her at the nurses station.
She noticed her friend was apparently upset and losing it.
« Robbins, what's going on ? » The chief of surgery worried.
« Nothing... » Arizona lied. « It's this stupid thing ! »
She threw the tablet across the nurses station, which landed behind the other staff, their faces filled with surprised and shocked gazes.
She looked around and gulped at her own impulsive gesture. And before breaking down in front of them, she walked as fast as she could to the nearest supply closet, slamming the door behind her.
She was quickly followed by a worried Bailey who immediately saw the tears rolling freely from the blonde's eyes .
« What's going on ? » Bailey asked again, grabbing Arizona's hand and bringing her to sit on medical stool in the corner of the closet.
Arizona sat down and tried to wipe away her tears.
« Nothing, it's just been a tough day. » Arizona tried to say.
« I know you Arizona. You are one of the strongest people I know. And you're not one to cry so easily... » Bailey continued. « Is something wrong with the baby ? Or sofia ? Or your parents ? »
« No, it's alright. Everything's okay. » Arizona explained. « It's just some stupid stuff, don't worry, I just need a minute. »
« Arizona Robbins, I know how stubborn you are but I'm better than you at that game. So please, tell me what's wrong. I'm your friend. Maybe I can help. »
« No you can't. No one can... » the blonde replied with a sad smile.
« I don't know what's going on, and I can't force you to talk to me. But if it's upsetting you that much, it's going to have an adverse effect on your pregnancy... » Bailey friendly reminded her.
« And you don't think I know that ! I'm a fetal surgeon ! » Arizona snapped and immediately regretted it.
« I'm sorry... I'm just... I'm lost... » Arizona finally confessed as she let out a deep sigh followed by a cry and Bailey felt powerless watching her friend fall apart.
« You don't have to be sorry. I would like to help you Arizona. I can see that you're not okay. But you need to open up if you want your friends to help... »
« My friends ? Are you talking about the people in this hospital ? This hospital! the hospital that the majority of it's staff, my supposed friends, sided with Calliope Torres ? » Arizona snapped.
« Oh I see... So Torres is the problem ? What's with her ? » Bailey asked, trying to change the subject, she didn't want to get into a position of having to get into the custody battle conversation.
« Everything, Nothing... I don't know ! » Arizona defeatedly smiled. « She knows about my pregnancy, I told Sofia last weekend, so she had to know too. »
« And ? » Miranda knitted her brows.
« And she's upset about it. » Arizona replied. « She told me she needed to process the news. And it's so frustrating, because... Because it's my life ! She chose to leave me all those years ago. I was ready to fight for us, for our family, and she just left. And worst than that, she left town with her girlfriend of five minutes. She took my daughter to the other side of the country ! And with all that, I didn't say anything, I didn't have the right. And now she's... she's... »
Torn between anger and sadness, Arizona couldn't help herself anymore and she let her mixed feelings take over her.
« What was I thinking ? Why would I be able to take care of them when I'm not even able to take care of my own daughter. I was supposed to protect her and see what a mess I've made of her growing up... She doesn't even remember her mothers were a real couple... So what am I going to do alone with two more kids to look after ? This was a stupid idea, but now they are in there, and I can't change that ! I'm so stupid ! Stupid ! »
« Arizona Stop it ! You are just feeling overwhelmed. » Bailey approached her friend and kneeled in front of her, forcing Arizona to look at her. « So what we are going to do is that you are going to go home to your daughter. You are going to take the week off. I will take care of your schedule. »
« But... I have patients I can't... »
« And I am the chief of surgery. You can not work with all that on your mind. Take time for you. It's just a week. Try to rest and to figure things out. I don't want to see you before next Monday ! »
….
On the east coast things were very hard for Callie too.
Knowing Arizona was going to be a mother, without her in the picture, it made her sick, angry and sad.
It had been two weeks since she had gotten the phone call where she had confessed how upset she was to her ex wife and she knew she had made a mistake.
Arizona didn't need to know that, because it was just going to increase the gap between them.
She was sure her ex wife was done with her, for good, but it was also bothering her that, somewhere, the blonde seemed to care about what she was feeling.
Anyway, she was a mess.
She was in a city she didn't want to be in. She was working on the ortho floor but no one really seemed to care about her. The head of the department was always calling her Carly, she wasn't able to work on her research because the lab was always busy, and all the challenging surgeries were claimed by a bunch of other surgeons who worked there for years.
She was left with the hip replacements and other basic procedures. And it was just making her frustration grow.
She was sitting in the cafeteria, alone, trying to think about what she was going to do when Sofia would be back in NY. She needed to think about things that would make her happy, and for the first time in years, it didn't involve work.
« Dr Torres, May I ? » David Baumgardner, chief of surgery joined her at her table. »
« Sure... » Callie replied, a bit taken aback by his presence.
« I'd like to talk to you, but maybe we should go in my office ? » he asked again.
« I have to eat and have a surgery in 20 minutes, so please have a seat. » Callie welcomed him.
« You're sure, because it's about something... » David tried to say but Callie cut him off.
« I'm sure. » She nodded. « So what's going on ? »
David looked at her and noticed she seemed to be preoccupied. He coughed a little, knowing what he was going to tell her wouldn't help.
« So, I've met with some of the residents recently, and they have been asking me... » David tried to keep his tone as neutal as possible but he was having a hard time doing so « Some of them have been complaining about the way you are teaching them. »
« Here we go... » Callie sighed. « We are talking about Jones right ? »
She had thrown her out of her OR the same morning because the younger women wasn't able to stop speaking during the surgery, and it had annoyed her a lot, so she had asked her to leave.
« Jones, yes... And Lopez, Herbert, McKinley, Devon... » David replied in an almost whisper, fearing the situation was going to escalate. « They have been really clear that they don't want to work with you anymore, and it's going to be delicate, because we are a teaching hospital... And we »
« You are not telling me that because of some idiots who can't handle the pressure, you are going to put all the blame on me ? Come on ! I've seen and heard the other surgeons in this hospital, and I'm not the worst with the residents, far from it. » Callie cut the chief off.
« It's not only the residents Callie. Some of the nurses are saying that you have a temper, that you can't wait and you are yelling over silly things. » David tried to explain. « I think we are going to have to ask you to see someone regarding anger management, and it will maybe be good for you to take some time off, to cool down, or to fix whatever is upsetting you. I think you. »
« You don't get to do that ! HR needs to be involved and to listen to my side of the story ! » Callie snapped. « But... you know what...don't worry. I don't want to this anymore. I don't to be here, surrounded by a group of hypocrites!... I quit ! »