"So you were studying medicine… And then went to the army?", the therapist asked.
"Yeah… Stupid, right?", Katrina answered and forced a smile.
"Oh, I don't think so. And you know why?", at this question, Katrina once again looked into the direction of the lady's calm voice, raising her eyebrows in confusion.
"Because for all the choices we make, we have a reason. We can only evaluate later, if the decisions were good or bad. And even if they were bad, we can learn from them.", silence filled the room again after she said that.
"If I only could learn to see again…", Katrina chuckled, nodding her head.
"But, would you have met your friend Sherlock Holmes, if you didn't go blind?", her therapist answered.
"Then at least I wouldn't sit here right now, would I?", she almost sarcastically answered to this statement, taking a sip of her glass of water.
"And you would have missed all the great things you experienced with him.", this lady really always had an answer ready.
—-
A cure for cancer is what Katrina wanted to find, when she applied for medical studies in London university. If doctors back then weren't able to save her brother, then maybe she will be the one who can save other little brothers from death. And other little sisters. Or maybe even everyone. Thinking back to when she was still a child, she wouldn't have chosen medical studies, probably she would have gone for legal studies, since she liked the idea of becoming a judge. Already as a child she loved solving problems, reading into the book "Criminal history of London" and making her own judgments about it. After one year in university, she decided to still take up law, since it was still her passion. But it was all really a lot.
"Kat, are you sure you want to do this?", her mother asked her just right after she told her about her plans.
"Sure, if I don't give it a try, I definitely will regret it at some point of time.", she murmured, while studying a huge book about criminal law.
"You know you don't have to study medicine because of your brother, right?", her father said in a bit of a trembling voice. He knew his daughter way too well and didn't want her to feel any pressure to cure everyone's disease.
"I know", she briefly answered, not going deeper into the talk about her dead brother.
To her own surprise, she finished both studies. By the age of 25, she stood in the courtyard of her university, dressed in a nice black gown, holding her certificates in her hands. She would always remember about how happy she was, how she was smiling, hugging her colleagues, who also graduated. Her parents had this proud look in their eyes, which made her even happier. In this moment, all the stress, all the time that she took for studying deep into the night, really paid off.
And still there was one thing she knew for sure - she really didn't want to go for a job in a hospital. In her first apprenticeship she worked in the oncology section of a paediatric hospital, so sure about herself and her skills, determined to see this as a first step to become an oncologist herself and help everyone around her. But as she had seen all those kids, not bald and smiling as you see them in the advertisements, but crying because of all the injections, all the pain, the constant infections and fevers, heartbroken parents, who just got the news, that their child won't make it until the end of the year. And just in the moment when she thought she had seen the very worst with her own brother, how he laid in bed and took his last breaths, she knew that there would always be a case at least as heartbreaking as she'd seen in her own home.
"No, I don't think I am made for that.", she told one of her colleagues, with whom she went into a café a few days after graduation. She looked into her black coffee, sniffing the hot brew, looking at her own reflection.
"You know, I was thinking about trying something completely different. I saw this flyer in Westfield shopping mall yesterday, and it honestly made me question my future plans.", Katrina murmured, handing her friend the flyer. On it you could see a woman and a man in uniform, carrying weapons and a helmet.
"Oh come on, don't be kidding me! You can't seriously tell me that you want to join the army!", Nora chuckled, shaking her head and handing her back the flyer.
But all of Nora's concerns didn't really touch her and already on the same evening she wrote her application to the British Army. As expected, the Army was always happy to take another combat medic, especially since there were so many military operations going on.
—-
"So this is when you made your decision to join the Army. But I want to go back to your first apprenticeship, if that is okay with you. Was it the memory that made you stop pursuing your initial plan of curing cancer?", the therapist asked.
"I guess, yes. It was just too much. I imagined myself to be someone I wasn't.", she answered, gazing now into the darkness in front of her.
"And I was totally right. All the memories came back into my head when I touched Sherlock, lying lifelessly on the street. I touched his soft skin, feeling him and also feeling Thomas, how I stroked his cheeks after he took his last breath.", now she started whimpering again.
"Let's not get to this incident too soon.", the lady in front of her said and continued,"Tell me about your time in the Royal Army and how it came to… well, to your loss of sight."
—-
The training in the Army was hard, but there was something about it that she liked. So often she went through her own personal hell, like carrying heavy machine guns for hours, sports every morning, no matter how little she slept, night watches. But she was so proud, when she finished basic training and was now ready to take the next big step.
"Private Brown!", the officer in front of her yelled prouldy.
"Sir, yes, Sir!", Katrina yelled back, her hand at her head, her posture straight.
"You will be sent to Afghanistan and serve under the command of officer Watson!", he said.
"Sir, it's an honour, Sir!", she answered, smiling inside, excited about what awaited her in the near future.
She tried to watch her parents waving her goodbye as long as possible, when the huge army plane took off. With her were around forty more soldiers inside the plane and all the murmurs from talking was mixed with the loud humming of the machine.
"So, you'll be the combat medic? Oh, I am Daniel, by the way, nice to meet you.", a young soldier sat next to her, offering her his handshake. She took it and gave him a smile.
"Yes, you are right. And you?", she asked him.
""Sniper!", he answered shortly and continued, "They said my eyesight is over 120%, can you believe that?", he said, not really formulating it as a question.
"Wow.. that's a lot!", her answer was brief, too excited was she inside to go to a country so far away.
"And who are you, actually? I mean, what's your name?", he asked, leaning back on his seat, scratching his leg.
"Katrina. Or Kate, as many people call me.", she answered his question.
"And why are you going to Afghanistan? Money? Excited for battle? Running from a relationship?", Daniel continued. Wow, what a nosey guy, she thought.
"No, no and no. I am in a relationship, actually, but I am not running from it. I just… wanted something new, you know?", she tried to play it cool, shivering a bit inside. But that was all true. She could've also earned good money in any hospital inside London. And of course her goal in Afghanistan was not the battle, but the work as a medic, either on the battlefield or in some military hospital. And about her boyfriend Arthur? Well, they had been together for three years already. They met in university and moved in with each other a year prior to their graduation. Of course he wasn't excited about her plan to go to Afghanistan, but she also didn't want to be stopped by a guy. Who knows, maybe the distance would help them to overcome their problems. They had a lot of quarrels lately, mainly about, well, everything. From household chores up to future plans. They often didn't share the same opinion. While Katrina's goal was to become a judge in the future, his idea was about them sharing the same workplace in some hospital. She wanted them to have a shared parental leave once they had a child, Arthur saw her stay at home mom until the child would be at least six years old.
"Anyway, I am sure this abroad experience will just strengthen our relationship.", she added to her sentence, immediately feeling stupid. What did she just say? As if she believed in it herself.
—-
"Private Brown, it's nice to meet you!", the rather small but strict looking man in front of her said.
"Officer Watson, Sir. The pleasure is all mine!", she answered, her hand for a greeting on her head.
"In the first four weeks you will basically be my shadow. You will join and help me in this military hospital, care for wounds, amputate if needed. After that you will join me for some weeks on the battlefield, where we will serve as medics.", he explained, rushing through the hospital, showing Katrina around. She followed him, always having a brief look at the wounded soldiers on the beds.
"Sir, yes, Sir!", she answered. He nodded.
"Oh, and actually…", he started, walking over into another separated room of the hospital, darker, a bit dirtier, "In the next four weeks you will also be responsible for the paediatric wing in here."
"The paediatric wing?", she asked in confusion. Why would they have such a department in the hospital? But officer Watson didn't hesitate to answer her question.
"Precisely. From time to time children from the villages and cities around get wounded during combat or lose their parents. We take care of them here. Since they seem to be more afraid of men, probably because of prior traumas, I thought it would be only beneficial to have a young woman in here who will take care of them."
"Of course, Sir.", she answered, not knowing if she should be excited or afraid of this task.