Chapter 8 - Pain

The road back to the camp felt like a drive right into hell for Katrina. Her entire body was in pain, the loud noise from the truck, mixed with the voices of her comrades, felt as if it was stabbing like a knife into her ear, she was shivering and sweating at the same time. And above all of that, her vision was completely black, which frightened her more than she would have expected. She just wanted to go back home, she wanted to be in her parent's house, lying in her bed, closing her eyes and sleeping. She missed her parents so much, she couldn't remember missing them so much at any time in her life.

"Mama…", she whispered, while she felt a tear run down her cheek.

"Private Brown!", she heard someone say. She tried to connect the voice to the person to whom it belonged.

"Private Brown, are you awake?", it was Officer Watson, most definitely. She turned her head towards the voice, opened her eyes and her mouth but no words would come out.

"Private Brown, how are you feeling? Please answer me!", his voice seemed stressed.

"I want to sleep. I really want to sleep.", she whispered again. She later wouldn't remember anymore why she said exactly what she said, but she just let her brain talk.

When she again woke up, she felt the warm sunlight on her skin. For a second she just kept lying in this warm bed she had, it was much comfier than the one she had in the camp. But in a matter of seconds she remembered the things that just had happened to her and started recalling them. Blind. Yes, the last thing she remembered was complete darkness. And for the next few minutes she kept her eyes closed, praying that all that was just a nightmare, that she would see again once she would open her eyes. She felt nervous, thinking about opening her eyes. She didn't want all of that to be true. It just couldn't be. It was, finally, the voice of John Watson again, who made her open her eyes.

"Private Brown!", she heard him saying in a calm and warm voice. But already in the next second she started crying. Black, all around her was black. She indeed was blind. This was her life now.

"Sir, I can't see anything anymore.", she let her tears fall freely, sobbing into her hands, which she now held over her face. She didn't want him to see her crying face, not now, not at all.

"Private Brown…", he said, taking a chair next to her bed, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"I am so sorry, Sir.", Katrina sobbed even more when she felt his warm hand on her.

"There is absolutely no reason for being sorry.", he answered, his thumb now stroking her shoulder. They kept like that for a few minutes, not talking, just being next to each other.

"I will never ever be able to see again, right?", Katrina asked, now moving her hands away from her face, wiping her tears away.

"I… I believe. No, sorry. You will most likely stay blind.", she felt pain in his voice. She gulped. Another few minutes passed, until she started talking again.

"And what now?", she asked him. She really didn't know what would happen now. Actually her entire life just turned around. She was disabled.

"We will send you home next week. You should be okay by that time, your wounds will still need treatment but it's safe for you to leave then.", he answered, his voice sounding calm. She sobbed again.

"Tara!", she remembered the little girl, not wanting to leave her behind.

"She is waiting for you already. Don't worry, we will make sure she can join you next week. The army will care for her adoption papers. You can live in a small flat just inside of London for up to a year, if you need to, it belongs to the Army and is reserved for… you know… veterans.", he said to her concern. At least something would turn out positive. Katrina sighed in relief, but started to sob again. It was his last word that brought her back to the realisation of what had happened. She indeed was severely injured, she wouldn't be able anymore to work as a medic, probably not even as a doctor back in the UK. Who would like to hire her now that she was blind? Probably no one.

It seemed as if John Watson could read her mind, when he added: "You know, the army offers a great disability pension. You won't have to worry about how to get through."

"Thank you so so much, Sir!"

"I will let little Tara in now, okay?"

She nodded.

"Katrina!", just a few seconds later she heard the melodic voice of the little girl she cared about so much and it brought a smile to her face. She felt her jumping onto her bed, hugging her. Her scars were painful on her back, but she couldn't care less at the moment. She was just relieved to be united again with her, being able to hug her tightly.

She felt the little girl close to her face, holding her hands around her cheeks, breathing calmly.

"Eyes?", she asked calmly. She obviously immediately noticed her eyes, which for sure looked different.

"I am blind.", Katrina answered.

"Blind?"

"Yes. Blind. My eyes are not good.", she tried to explain to her.

"Ahh! Brother blind, too!", Tara told her and sounded even quite happy. In a few months, when Tara got even better in English, she would tell her exactly the story on how her brother, who died together with her parents, got blind. In fact he suffered from a severe eye infection as a toddler and her parents had no access to health care.

—-

"And then you went back home?", the therapist asked, writing something down in her notebook. Katrina heard the clock on the wall ticking, everything else was silent.

"Yes.", she folded her hands and placed them on her laps. Her eyes felt heavy and she had to suppress a yawn. It was either the pregnancy or the therapy which took all of her energy.

"And what then?"

"Well, long story short, one of the first things I did after returning to London was breaking up with my boyfriend. He didn't know I was coming back so early and I catched him with another girl in our flat."

"Oh…", the therapist sighed, but Katrina smiled.

"That's alright, I doubt he would've been excited about having a child in our flat. And anyways, I just wanted to be with my parents.", Katrina immediately answered.

"They love Tara, they are treating her like a grandchild. And she had a kindergarten close, where they focused on her English. Additionally, it was a great opportunity for her to make some friends. Oh, she loved it there!"

She heard her therapist smiling.

"But what about you? What did you do next?"

"Well, I started therapy. I did have to get used to my blindness. Every other day I went to the medical centre, where they teached me how to deal with everything. How to handle my cane, how to read Braille and most importantly, they gave me Ciri.", Katrina smiled, reaching her hand out to the Labrador next to her and petting her on the head. She heard her wagging her tail.

"That all sounds quite positive, doesn't it?"

"Well, one thing I never got over with was the fact, that I played so irresponsibly with my life.", she answered in a sad tone.

—-

A taxi was already waiting for her in front of the door, when she left her parent's home.

"Lambeth cemetery, please.", she mumbled, closing her seatbelt and keeping her can tight to her. It took around half an hour to reach her destination, meanwhile her fast heartbeat wouldn't calm down.

Once they reached the cemetery, she left the taxi, thanking the driver. He left her just outside the huge iron gates, which were squeaking when they were opened. With slow steps, careful about what her cane told her, she went the way which was almost imprinted into her memory. The little pebbles under her feet crunched with every step of hers, only when she took a right turn she felt the soft grass underneath her shoes. After approximately 30 steps, she turned left and searched for the familiar sound of a rock. Once she felt it, she kneeled down, placing her hands on the headstone. Thomas Brown. There it was. Her brother's last resting place.

"Thomas,", she started whispering, while tears started running down her cheeks, "please forgive me how irresponsibly I've dealt with my precious life. I almost lost it for nothing, while yours was taken away. Please, forgive my foolishness."

—-

"So, do you feel ready to tell me how you met Sherlock Holmes?"