September 27, 2017
Subject: Longest Summer Job Ever
From: (Chaldea Security Org.)
To: keikofujimaru (U. Tokyo), (Hotmail), akifujimaru (U. Tokyo)
Dear Mom, Dad, and Aki,
Hello from Chaldea Security Organization headquarters!
I hope that when you read this, you're doing well and everything is going fine. I''m sure you've been worried about me, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to write to you, I've got a reminder on my phone that says 'June 25: Call home after orientation', but a bunch of stuff happened right after that and I didn't have the chance to call. It was a busy day, and since then we've been experiencing a really world-class service outage.
The short version is that this summer job is significantly more than I bargained for, and it looks like I'm going to be stuck here for a while. Not that I'm exactly sure where here is. I'm not sure how much sense any of this is going to make, but here goes…
Chaldea's cafeteria at lunchtime wasn't exactly a madhouse. There was plenty of room - the whole population of the complex, Servant and mortal, could've been seated there three times over or as Ritsuka had learned, Servants expanded to fill the available space.
A shout came from Cu Cuhainn. "Oi, Master! C'mere and call this big idiot off!" The request was punctuated by an incoherent bellow that sounded like Lu Bu.
Ritsuka looked longingly at the kitchen counter. It seemed like every time he stepped into the cafeteria, someone needed his attention.
"Do you want us to get you something?" Mash asked.
Ritsuka waffled, then shook his head. "Go ahead and get in line. I'm just going to hope this doesn't take too long."
Mash shook her head. "I'll come with you, then." Ushiwakamaru nodded in agreement.
"If you want." Not that he minded the backup. Ritsuka braced himself and headed toward the loudest table in the cafeteria.
With his enormous arms folded, Lu Bu Fengxian glared across the table at an irate Cu. Both Servants were on their feet, their meals cooling in front of them. Cu had called out his spear and looked both annoyed and ready to fight. Neither of those were uncommon for him, though, so maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked.
"Hey, Cu, what's -"
"I don't know what your problem is, big man." Ignoring Ritsuka completely, Cu leveled Gae Bolg one-handed at Lu Bu. "If you've got an issue, you can say your piece, or you can bring out that silly weapon of yours so we can, heh, discuss it. Either way, stop hollerin' at me while I'm eatin'!"
Ritsuka rapped his knuckles on the table to get their attention. "Okay, hang on. Lu Bu, what -"
Neither paid him any heed. Lu Bu's bellowed again, and his halberd dropped into his hand. Okay, it was as bad as it looked.
A pair of geta clacked on the table in front of him.
Wait, what the -
Ushiwakamaru's sword swept down in a silver blur between the two Servants. In an imperious tone, she said, "Put up your weapons and be silent when your lord is speaking! Have you no shame? If you do not, I shall be sure to teach it to you." She glared down at the bickering Servants from atop the table.
Into the silence that followed, Ritsuka said, "Uh, that might be a bit much, but, thanks, Ushiwakamaru."
"Of course, my lord!"
"Also, everyone, meet Ushiwakamaru. She's our new Rider." There was a chorus of greetings from the tables around them, mostly enthusiastic. Ushiwakamaru bowed without taking her eyes off of the Servants in front of her, who'd stopped arguing with each other in favor of glaring up at her.
Ritsuka put his hands gently on the table and started defusing the situation. "Hey. Hey! Lu Bu, buddy," The Berserker slowly turned his white-eyed glare from Ushiwakamaru to Ritsuka. "Did someone say something that bothered you?"
Lu Bu tossed his head back and roared an affirmative.
Ritsuka turned to Cu, who shrugged. "Hey, don't look at me, I didn't say a damn thing I shouldn't've. Boudica was showin' off her chariot this mornin', and I said, even if I'm no Rider right now, mine was better and had better horses -"
Wordlessly, Lu Bu slammed a fist into his other hand with a sound like a gunshot.
Aha. There was the thread; he just needed to follow it. "You were bragging about your horses?" RItsuka asked.
"Aye! They could gallop 'round Eire in a day! Liath Macha took a magic spear meant for me, then got back up, killed near two hundred men, and led my friend to my corpse after I was dead! Can't ask much more of a horse than that, can you? I tell you, he and his brother were the greatest horses that ever…" Cu took stock of Lu Bu's fists clenching slowly, and cocked a grin at the bigger man. "Ohhhh, now I get it. You think whatever spavined gelding you rode could match up to -"
"Don't!" Ritsuka held up a hand, and, bless any gods that were watching, Cu closed his mouth. Lu Bu snorted, his face contorted in fury, and Ritsuka would swear steam jetted out of his nostrils. The big Berserker was supposed to have had some kind of legendary steed, too, right? "Hey, Mash? Can you tell us about…" What the hell was its name again? "About Red Hare?"
"Yes, Senpai!" Mash's eyes lit up, because of course she could. "In the Three Kingdoms period of China, the saying went, 'Among men, Lu Bu; among steeds, Red Hare.' Red Hare was a stallion who was said to run a thousand li in a day, and cross rivers and mountains as if they were flat plains. He was given as a gift to Lu Bu, then after his death, to Guan Yu, a warrior so gifted that he was deified as a god of war. When both men were dead, Red Hare starved himself to death, refusing to be ridden by lesser men."
Cu made a considering face. "Hooh, a proud one, then? Aye, I'll admit this Red Hare sounds like a beast I'd not have been ashamed to have hitched to my chariot. But I'll not back down. Liath Macha was the greatest there ever was or will be." He chuckled. "It's a shame we can't have 'em race it out, but it ain't as if we can summon them up ourselves, now. More's the pity." Wistfulness briefly passed across Cu's face.
Lu Bu thumped his chest and made a grasping motion at Cu Cullhain, then ground his hands together with another incomprehensible yell.
"Well, aye, if it's a fight about it you want, you've come to the right man," Cu said eagerly.
Lu Bu shook his head. Ritsuka held up a hand again, mind racing as he watched Lu Bu's body language. He seemed fighting mad , but not up in arms. "Wait, wait, no, not a fight. Um… a competition?" The Berserker nodded and stamped his foot. Ritsuka smiled with relief and understanding. Okay, now he had it. He turned to Cu and said, "Lu Bu wants a race with you to settle it. A footrace." He glanced at Lu Bu, gauging the big Servant's expression, then back to Cu. "Obviously it's not the same as if your horses were competing, but it'd be more unfitting to resolve it with a fight, even if they were both warhorses."
Lu Bu nodded his head again, regally. Ritsuka relaxed a little.
Cu stared at Ritsuka, then looked to Lu Bu as a genuine, if slightly mocking, smile came over his face. "Huh! Who would've thought such a hard man'd be a soft touch for a horse? All right, you're on. But you're going to regret the day you challenged the Child of Light to a footrace."
Lu Bu's eyes narrowed, and he let out a 'hmph'. Ritsuka was pretty sure nobody needed his interpretation for that one.
Cu spun his spear back into the ether and came around the table to clap Lu Bu on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's go find a track. Wouldn't mind hearin' more about this horse of yours on the way, even if it is going t'lose by proxy…" Lu Bu rumbled in undecipherable agreement, and the two of them wandered away, meal forgotten.
Well, that could've gone worse , Ritsuka thought. He let out a long, relieved breath.
"They were a little disrespectful, but fierce," Ushiwakamaru said, sheathing her sword.
"Eh, we're not big on formality around here," he said, then glanced up. "Uh, Ushiwakamaru?" She looked down over her shoulder at him. "You should probably get off the table now."
"Oh! Of course, my lord." Ushiwakamaru sheathed her sword and leapt down. As her geta left the tabletop, it split neatly into two halves where her sword had passed. Each side wobbled independently and then toppled, spilling Cu Chulainn and Lu Bu's uneaten meals onto the floor.
Looking at the mess, she hesitated, then sighed, and in a downcast voice said, "…I shall find a bucket and cloth, my lord."
"…And I'll get the mop," Ritsuka said. His stomach protested audibly.
"Here, Master," said Emiya's dry voice from behind him. Ritsuka turned and was surprised as an onigiri was placed in his hand. Mash was already contentedly biting into one. Emiya gave Ushiwkamaru a flat look and tossed another one to her. "And you, stay off the tables from now on. This isn't the Gojo Bridge."
"If my lord so commands," she said, frowning back at him.
Unimpressed, Emiya glanced pointedly at the rice ball in her hands and repeated, "Stay off the tables from now on or you don't eat from my kitchen."
Staring at the Archer challengingly, Ushiwakamaru took a bite. Her eyes went wide,. She made a pleased sound and bowed to the Archer. "It shall be as you say!"
"At least you stopped those two idiots from having a brawl here, Master." Emiya shook his head in resignation. "We've got a mission to prepare for, right? You eat. I'll clean up." A dustpan and broom appeared in his hands out of a haze of blue light.
"Thanks, Emiya." Ritsuka took a bite of the rice ball. It was, of course, delicious.
…know our family's dabbled in magic stuff since Grandpa's stint in the Pacific War, but I feel like I wasn't very well prepared. You know, I grew up with some basic assumptions about the world that have turned out to be hilarious misapprehensions. Take death - it's not nearly as final as anyone says, at least not if you're awesome enough. And don't get me started on that old chestnut 'linear time', it's basically a suggestion. What else did we get wrong, physics?
Okay, sure, I would be fine with physics being less real if it meant mecha that could violate the square-cube law, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Don't give me that look, sis! You knew who your brother was years ago. You shouldn't have said you couldn't tell the difference between 'all those Gundam robots' if you didn't want me to go into detail about it, should you?
Come to think of it, if you ever get to read this, I don't know how much sense it'll make. Will you have lived the intervening time, or will everyone just pop back where they were when it all went up in flames? Will clocks all spin backwards? Will you have seen all the good summer movies already or will everyone get to catch up on the 2017 releases together? Nobody left seems to know. If you do end up living that time, I'm counting on you to stop Aki from spoiling Spider-Man: Homecoming for me.
It's going to be a while before my next letter. I wish I could write more tonight, but I have to get some sleep. We're off to the sixteenth century tomorrow, and we'll probably be there for a month at least.
I promise that sentence actually makes more sense than it sounds.
Sorry if this stuff worries you. I'm just kind of holding on as best I can to the things I'm used to, and that means talking to you all, even if you can't understand or answer back. I feel really unmoored from the world these days, you know? Chaldea HQ is nothing like… I was going to say 'real life', but it's real enough. Maybe too real. I guess what I mean is that having everything be extraordinary instead of ordinary is tough. It's like riding a roller coaster and being scared and excited at the same time.
I get to do something good and exciting and necessary, for as long as I can stand it, but I have to stand it because it's necessary, even when I want to get off the roller coaster. Even if I didn't want everything to be normal all the time, I do miss there being such a thing as normal. It'd be nice to be able to opt out of the crazy for a while.
Ritsuka sighed and sat back in his chair. The gritty feeling in his eyes reminded him that he really shouldn't be up late the night before a Rayshift, but most of the Servants wouldn't barge into his room when he was supposed to be asleep. Late at night was the only time he could expect any privacy, so it was when he wrote his letters.
It was probably a bad idea to send these emails. At best, his family was in a Schrödinger box, dead or alive depending on future events. But the staff therapist hadn't survived Orientation Day, Dr. Roman was kind but didn't inspire that kind of confidence, and Da Vinci either wouldn't understand or would understand far too much. Mash was his closest friend, but it didn't seem fair to dump his problems on her; she'd gone through the same shit he had, and she already had the hardest job in Chaldea, namely keeping him alive. Emiya was a rock, but he was a pretty jagged one to lean on, definitely a For Emergencies Only kind of confidant.
He needed to reach out to someone , though. In his more optimistic moments, he figured that if the world miraculously came back, the chances of anyone who mattered noticing a few weird emails seemed slim. The rest of the time, he just figured no one would ever get to read it. It was therapy, of a sort, though it took an effort to try to write as if he was talking to living people he remembered, and not just running his hands through the ashes of a dead world.
I miss deciding what to eat and ordering out, and bantering with Yamagi and Tanaka at lunch in school. I miss walking back from school in the rain and getting snacks at the corner store. I miss putting off taking the garbage out by arguing with Aki about who was supposed to have taken the garbage out. I miss Doji-ojisan next door. I even miss studying math, and you know how I feel about math. Oh, here's a weird one - I really miss the sound of traffic. Chaldea's not what I'd call quiet, but the background noise is really different.
I miss things making sense. I miss not feeling like if I fumble things it won't be the end of the world. I miss not feeling afraid. I don't think I remember the last time I wasn't afraid.
I miss a lot of stuff, but I miss you all the most.
Love to all of you,
Fujimaru Ritsuka
Ritsuka caught himself scrolling back to the beginning of the letter to read it over again and made himself stop. The clock read '01:35 AM' when he glanced at it, and he winced. He had to be on the ball the next day. Weary in a way that went beyond sleep, he thought, I miss when the only risk from staying up late was falling asleep in class.
Yeah. He missed a lot of things.
Ritsuka wiped his eyes with his hand, blinked away the remaining unshed tears, and made himself hit 'Send'.
—
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That… was about what he'd expected. Still, having it out there felt like his load had lightened, just a little.
It took an ironically heroic effort to stand up, but the stiffness tomorrow from falling asleep in his chair would be a lot worse than the annoyance tonight of getting himself over to the bed. Hopefully, sleep would show him more of his friends' past lives. These days, his own dreams were full of unpleasant memories. If he had to dream of violence, he'd rather it be someone else's experiences he relived.
He staggered to his bed and dropped onto it with a thump, asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.
September 28, 2017
Ritsuka really wished the Rayshift Coffins had a better nickname, especially when he was climbing into one.
If he tried, he could probably remember the official designation, but only the automated announcements ever used it. Everyone else, himself included, called them the Coffins. It was fitting, he guessed. After all, they were padded, oblong caskets just big enough for a single person, and they held your meat body after your spirit left it.
He didn't object to the Coffins themselves, really. Certainly, Ritsuka had no interest in repeating his first, Coffin-free and also safety precaution-free Rayshift, but… couldn't they have called them 'Pods' or 'Tanks' or something? He had a bone to pick with whoever had coined the nickname, just like he did with whoever designed that skin-tight combat suit, someone who was clearly aware of Evangelion but was somehow unaware it wasn't a morale booster for a teenager climbing into a big metal techno-pod to save the world.
Still, here he was in front of one, watching the casket-hinged lid hiss open for him. Shut up and get in the time machine, Ritsuka.
He didn't let his fear show as he pulled the lid closed. It locked with a thunk . There was a moment of brief, intense claustrophobia when the tiny window on the front was the only source of light. Then the interior lit up, the heads-up display blinking to life with the faces of his teammates.
Mash, bless her heart, looked like the only thing breaking her focus was the worry that she might not be focused enough. Andersen was quietly ranting at Cu Chulainn about some movie musical of his life he'd come across in the archives. The Chevalier d'Eon and Jing Ke both looked as if they didn't have a care in the world, one quiet and perfectly poised, the other practically lounging in the Coffin as she hummed a jaunty tune. In contrast, Emiya, Ritsuka's first-summoned Servant, was letting his dislike for the Coffins leak through his stoic expression. The last image showed Ushiwakamaru taking everything in with a look half fascinated by the process and half wary about what she'd gotten herself into.
Off in the control booth, Dr. Roman finished consulting with the technicians and bent back to his console. The intercom in front of Ritsuka crackled to life with Roman's cheery voice. "All right! Third Grand Order team, we've completed our final checks. Coordinates are set, and your Rayshift to the Okeanos Singularity will begin in thirty seconds. We'll be in contact as soon as you get there. Good luck, everyone, and keep your heads above water!"
God dammit, Roman. Ritsuka slowly bonked his forehead against the inside of the Coffin as a few groans and at least one disgusted-sounding Gaelic insult sounded over the team comms. Ritsuka could see the Acting Director chuckling to himself in the control booth. At least he'd had the courtesy to turn off his microphone so they didn't hear his laughter.
A calm, androgynous voice came from his pod's speakers. "Vital signs from Spiritron Chassis One, Provisional Master #48 Fujimaru Ritsuka: nominal. Vital signs and Spirit Core reading from Spiritron Chassis Two, Demi-Servant Mash Kyrielight: nominal. Spirit Core readings from Spiritron Chassis Three through Eight: nominal. Operators now establishing continuous proof-of-existence observation." Its calm voice was the same as when he'd first heard it, unaffected by the death and danger around them, sending him and Mash out of one burning catastrophe into another.
Back into the fire again, Ritsuka thought, a chill running down his spine. He fought the sudden impulse to throw open the Coffin's lid and leap out. People were counting on him, no matter how much he might wish otherwise, and he wouldn't give up on them.
Instead, he found himself murmuring along with the voice despite the unsettling associations. "Unsummon Program, start. Spiritron Conversion, start." His vision seemed to twist slightly, as if the world were suddenly being filmed at a Dutch angle. A faint pins-and-needles sensation ran across his whole body, a feeling as familiar as the voice, dredging up the worst parts of the last few months.
Visceral memories ran through his mind in quick succession. A blackened skeleton cut at him with a grimy sword. Director Animusphere shrieked her soul bare as she drifted inexorably towards a drawn-out death. Dragonfire glowed like cloud lightning through the smoky haze above a burning hamlet. Dead-eyed Roman legionnaires marched toward him in lockstep.
"All procedures cleared," the announcement said. "Rayshift starting in 3, 2, 1…"
He took one last deep breath of 2017. It smelled like steel and ozone and the faint whiff of ice Chaldea's air always seemed to hold.
"Grand Order commencing operation," Ritsuka and the voice said together.
A new gravity took hold of him, and he fell out of himself into the bright spiral of the past.
Author's Notes:
Aki is Ritsuka's older sister. She is neither his twin nor an alternate Ritsuka, renamed or otherwise. I just wanted him to have specific family members other than Mom and Dad.
The theme for this chapter is 'Are Things Still Burning', by Em Harriss and DIALS.
It's cold up in this fortress
The prison cell with bad lighting
And I want to know, are things still burning
Or can I go home